Prolonging the Inevitable
by CSIEcho
Summary: Aaron Sidles little sister turns up in Vegas. What will this mean for Aaron and the rest of the Night CSI's. A reworking of my original stories posted in one longer WIP. rated M for later chapters Will be Cath/Sara I promise. CHAPTER 40 Updated!
1. Called in

**Prolonging the Inevitable by CSIECHO**

**Sara/Catherine Fan fiction**

**Set through Seasons 1 to 9 of CSI this will in the end be a Sara Catherine piece with a few bumps along the was. A few Buffy and Supernatural references along the way.**

**Originally posted as several sorter pieces this is one bigger WIP. Mostly taken down for some bad spelling Errors though there has been a little reworking while i had them down.**

**I own nothing to do with CSI Buffy or Supernatural I'm just having some fun and making no money what so ever while I do so.**

**Big thank you to truth7 for your pointers and kindly agreeing to beta my story. **

"Sidle!" Aaron groaned as he answered his phone. He shook his head, wondering why he had not shut it off. His first night off in what felt like forever and he was sure he was being called in.

"Aaron."

The voice on the other end of the phone was instantly recognizable as Grissom. _'At least he had the decency to sound sorry.'_ Aaron sighed to himself running a hand over his face, as he sat up on the bed.

"So what can I do for you Griss?" Aaron questioned, trying not to yawn.

"I need you to come to my scene." Grissom told him and Aaron was sure he could hear something else in his old friend's voice. Deciding that he would find out whatever it was once he got to wherever he was going, he let it slide for the moment. Aaron was not happy about being woken up on his night off and he would make that point clear to Grissom, but he knew there was no way he would not help his boss out.

"Griss, it's my night off. I pulled two doubles in two nights. I need sleep, no matter what people might think about my magic powers."

"I know, and I wouldn't have called you, if it wasn't very important."

"Important, Griss, bugs are important to you," Aaron smirked "Where are you?" Aaron asked, pulling out a pen from the drawer in his bedside table and taking notes on the pad he always kept by his bed.

**OO**

Aaron checked the clock on his bed side table, making a mental note of the display time and calculating how long it would take to get ready and drive there. After calculating the amount of time it would take, he told Grissom he would see him there in an hour.

Putting the phone on the bed side table, Aaron gazed at the picture that was on the table. Picking it up, he ran is fingers over the face of the brunette behind the glass. _'Where are you girl?'_ Aaron sighed as he put the picture back carefully where it had been before. With one last look at it, he got off the bed and headed to the bathroom. Stripping off his boxers, he turned on the shower, while waiting for the water to heat up; he looked at himself in the mirror. The reflection in the mirror was not a pretty picture. He ran his fingers through his dark brown hair, down over his chin, his fingers catching on the rough stubble growing there. Bags under his eyes finished the picture; he cursed himself once again for not just turning his phone off.

When the water reached an acceptable heat level, he stepped under the spray closing his eyes and leaning his head back letting the spray hit his face. Turning from spay he let it hit his back working out some of the stress still in his tired muscles. Double shifts were killers; two in a row pushed even his high level of physical tolerance.

Just under an hour later Aaron pulled up at the address he had been given. It hadn't been too hard to find after all, all he had had to do in the end was follow the flashing lights. He sometimes wondered why they gave each other exact directions to their crime scenes, when all they had to do was follow the circus. With one last look of himself in the rear view mirror, Aaron got out of the Denali and headed to the trunk to pull out his vest and kit. Locking the car, he headed towards the yellow tape. Nodding a hello to a couple of officers, Aaron headed towards Brass.

"Hey, Brass." Aaron smiled in the direction of the homicide detective and was a little perplexed when Brass moved to block his entrance to the crime scene.

"Hey, Aaron, go find Griss, because I can't let you in here."

Aaron dropped his kit and sighed. He'd been dragged out of bed on his night of so he could come down and do Grissom a favour. So what the hell was going on?

"Where is Griss?"

Without another word Brass pointed Aaron in the direction of the stoic night shift supervisor and then wandered back over to the scene. Aaron turned in the direction he had been shown and was surprised to see Grissom wasn't working the scene either. He was sitting against the trunk on his own van looking rather lost. Deciding that was never a good look on his boss, he wandered over slowly trying to figure out what the hell could be going on.

"Look Griss, as much as I enjoy getting out of bed on my night off and driving around Vegas, I'd have rather stayed in bed instead of coming to a crime scene that I'm being told I can't get in to see. So what's going?

Grissom turned in Aaron direction when he heard the young man, though it wasn't Grissom who answered. It was the voice of a young woman, a voice Aaron had been dying to hear for a long time.

"Hey don't get all irritated with Griss. I asked for you to be here."

Aaron whirled around so fast at the sound of her voice, he nearly toppled over. Steadying himself, he was faced with a sight he could have well lived the rest of his life without seeing, his sister, his baby sister in handcuffs.

"Sar'" Aaron was convinced for a moment he was seeing things and rapidly blinked his eyes in an attempt to clear his vision. After a moment or two he was forced to admit that she was really there, striding over to her with the intentions of pulling her into a hug; he was stopped short by one of the uniformed officers he had greeted on his way in.

"Sorry Aaron, she's evidence."

"She's my sister!" Aaron snapped.

"You know all about preserving the evidence." The other officer told him, recycling a line Aaron himself had used many times.

"It's ok, Az." Sara tried to reassure her older brother.

"Far from ok," Aaron told her, seething as he pointed his finger in her face, "I hate you so much right now."

"It's rude to point." Sara called after his retreating back. "He doesn't really hate me." She informed two rather bemused officers.

**OO**

Catherine willows pulled her truck to a stop just behind Aaron's and exited just in time to see Aaron waving his finger in the face of a young woman, Catherine could only guess was their suspect. Catherine had to smile and feel a little sorry for the woman in cuffs, she herself knew what it was like to be on the wrong end of Aaron Sidles temper, though Catherine herself could give as good as she got and she was never in chains while doing so.

She had been pulled off a double homicide with Warrick to come work this case. All she had been told by Grissom, when they had spoken, was that neither he nor Aaron could objectively work this case and she was beginning to see why. She headed over to where Grissom was trying and failing to calm Aaron down. The two men had the back of Grissom's truck open and were using it as a make shift seat.

"Months, Griss and then she turn up like this."

As Catherine neared the side of the truck, she could hear what the two men were saying.

"I know Aaron and I know you've been worried but you're not helping anyone right now. You need to calm down and talk to her."

'_Like that's gonna happen.' _Catherine thought to herself as she cleared her throat, alerting the others to her presence.

"Ah, Cath. Thank you for coming."

"No problem Griss. You are the boss after all." Catherine smirked. "Where do you want me?"

Getting up from his seat next to Aaron, Grissom stepped in front of Catherine.

"Should I just go on and process the house."

"No." Grissom told her, taking off his glasses and wiping them on the sleeve of his shirt. "I'd very much like it if you would process the suspect first."

With the word suspect, a snort of disgust came from the back of the van and Catherine had to suppress a smile, who ever this young woman was she had well and truly wound up Aaron.

"I'll just get on with it then." Catherine told him. Motioning with her head in the direction of the van; indicating that maybe Grissom should go and talk to Aaron again. She was dying to find out just what was going on and who this woman was that meant that neither Aaron nor Grissom could work this case. She thought but realizing that this wasn't the time for her to start badgering Grissom in order to get answers from him.

"If you would wait for me I would very much appreciate it." Grissom told her, turning back to Aaron.

Forgetting the decision she had made a moment ago about not to asking him question yet, she ask. "What's going on, Griss?"

"I'll explain what I can." He reassured her, continuing on his walk back towards Aaron. They spoke for a few moments, Grissom turned once to point in Catherine's general direction. Feeling a little self-conscious Catherine turned towards the house. Catching her first glimpse of the suspect, who was talking and joking with one of the officers. What was going on today? Grissom really was going to have some explaining do to on this one.

A gentle hand on her shoulder brought her out of her silent mussing. "Shall we?" Grissom tried to smile; even thought it wasn't a real smile, it never left his mouth.

"Griss, what is going on? You call me off of my case with Rick and I get here to find Aaron in state of anger and neither of you able to work this case."

"Aaron and I both have a personal interest in this case." Grissom told Catherine as they walked over to where the brunette stood.

"And what would that be?" Catherine asked, still not quite getting what was going on.

"Well, Catherine Willows I'd like you to meet Sara Sidle... Aaron's sister."


	2. Huh!

**We all know i own nothing**

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Chapter: 2

"Huh!" Catherine's reply was less than elegant.

"Griss, is he really pissed at me? He has never got in my face like that before." Sara asked more than a little concerned. She had never seen her brother that angry at her and it scared her more than being in handcuffs.

He was well aware that Sara had always been a handful for Aaron, he was also aware that Sara loved her brother more than anything in this world.

"He's been worried about you Sara, in truth we both have."

"I know but I had to go away."

"Yes well you may have had to but he hasn't heard from you since Sunnydale. Then you turn up her like this."

"I didn't do this....You believe me right." Sara asked fear seeping in her voice for the first time since this whole thing had started.

Grissom reached up, cupping the young woman's cheek. He was adamant in his own mind of all the things this young woman might be, a killer was not one of them.

"I know it's funny but in this job I've learned not to put much stock in to what people say. It's the evidence that never lie's. I know though that you're not a killer."

"Thank you, Griss."

Sara leaned into the touch a little, closing her eyes. Catherine who had stood by quietly decided that this was a good a time as any to speak up.

"Well I still have a Job to do." Catherine told them both. She couldn't put her finger on it at that moment but there was something about Sara that was drawing her in and it unnerved her. She wanted to put it down to the fact that this woman had managed to turn things totally of kilter just by being here, something that Catherine herself love to do, but she had a sinking feeling it was going to be much more than that.

"Ah yes introductions. Catherine Willows, CSI level 3, would like you to meet Sara Sidle, honour student and dear friend."

"And my wayward, little sister."

Both Catherine and Grissom turned at the sound of Aaron's voice.

"Come to shout at me some more." Sara grumbled.

"No, though god knows I should. I mean where the hell have you been? One phone call would have been all it took to stop me going out of my mind."

"I wanted to. I knew you'd be upset and it was killing me but you know the rules. And we were in no position to be questioning those rules.

Sara took a step towards her brother and Catherine flinched. "Oh please." Sara huffed shaking her head in Catherine's direction before stepping into Aaron's personal space laying her head on his chest. "I love you and I'm sorry. Please don't hate me." She asked him in a tiny voice.

"I could never hate you, dumb arse. You know that."

"Thank you." Sara whispered and Aaron leant down a little, kissing her forehead.

Catherine was slowly seething. She really didn't care whose sister she was or how cute she was. _'Cute, wow wait where did that come from.'_ Catherine was adamant. _'Not cute, not cute, murder suspect!'_

"As much as I hate breaking up this touching reunion, until someone tells me differently, sister in chains still need to be process. And I have a crime scene waiting to be process also, so let's get on with this show."

"Look, Little Bit, I've no clue what's going on here, but we'll work it out, ok. For now though, we have to play the game and that means that Catherine has to process you and the scene."

"But I want you." Sara insisted in a tiny voice that squeezed Aaron's heart.

"I know baby and I want to but I can't. If I do it, we'd be in even more trouble."

Catherine placed her kit on the ground bending over it; she pulled the top of the silver case open picking out a pair of latex gloves, snapping them both on her hands. Deciding to process the scene before she goes near Aaron's clearly trouble sister, she pulled out her flashlight and evidence bags, and started processing the scene.

As Catherine was processing the scene, Aaron took it upon himself to tell Sara how Catherine was going to process her, forgetting for the moment that his sister had gone through that drill before.

"Sar' Catherine is going to check for any evidence you might have on you. All you have to do is stand still and do as she asked." Aaron explained gently to his sister, needing to do something constructive to help his her. "You be gentle with her." He shot over his should her to Catherine.

"Just another suspect." Catherine told Aaron turning to face Sara, as she bags the last evidence from the scene.

"Hey, I'm still standing here." Sara told the bickering CSI's, hating that they were talking about her like she wasn't even there, especially hating Catherine's comment about her being just another "_suspect_".

A short while later Catherine placed what she had managed to collect in her kit and clicked it shut. Pulling a swab from the pocket of her vest she headed back over to where Aaron stood with his sister. Catherine went over to Sara and started processing her silently, and trying to touch her as little as possible.

"Ok I'm nearly done here all I need is a DNA swab..... Oh yeah, your clothes as well."

Catherine new she was being a bitch and she couldn't really put her finger on why. She knew there was no real reason to collect Sara's clothes at that moment but she wanted to see the young woman squirm. She just had no clue why

"Look lady." Sara snorted "You want to get in my pants, you need to buy me dinner first. And you might get lucky after that."

"Just open your mouth....You should have no problem with that since you can't seems to keep it shut." Catherine snapped back; not able to keep the comment from slipping out.

Sara stood with her jaw set at a stubborn angle, lips tight shut for the moment, looking form Aaron to Catherine. With a slight nod of the head from Aaron, Sara relent, stepping forward a little she opened her mouth. Angry brown eyes met determined blue and sparks flew. Sara nearly bit down on the swab in her mouth at the intensity that met her gaze. _'She is so hot.'_ Sara had to stifle a laugh, she had not seen that one coming.

"All done."

Catherine's voice brought Sara out of her musings and down to earth with a bump. Her she was being investigated for murder by possibly the hottest woman ever. '_You guys owe me when I get out of here.' _Sara grumbled to herself.

"This officer will go with you to change." Catherine told Sara pointing to one of the officer milling about.

"Does she really have to get change here, Cath? She could easily do it back at the lab."

"Here put this on after you take your clothes off." Catherine handed Sara a CSI jump suit, taking no notice of what Aaron had to say.

"What did you find?" Grissom asked Catherine as she made her way away from them and towards the house. David had just arrived and she wanted to get some shoots of the body in its current position before the assistant coroner touched the body.

"Who's asking?" She shot over her shoulder as Grissom jogged to catch up with her. "My boss or their friend?"

"I don't know." Grissom sighed, sounding defeated, that caught Catherine's attention and she turned to face her boss and friend. "This is all so strange to me." He admitted dejectedly to the floor. Chancing a look up, he caught the hint of a smile on Catherine's face.

"Well we all know you're not a people person Gil."

"It's not that....I just feel so...."

Grissom was at a loss for words and Catherine had never seen him like this. "Helpless." Catherine offered with a sympathetic smile.

"Yes."

"Blood, a sample of a clear liquid, and fibres were found her clothes. Which you saw me take. Got to say if we're letting the evidence speak for itself right now, it's not looking good for Sidle Jr. over there."

"Process the body." Grissom told her sharply before turning and walking off.

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**Thanks for reading guys please review.**


	3. First Impressions

**Still not mine, and thanks once again to Truth7  
**

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Chapter:3

23:37 LVPD

"Can I see her?" Aaron stood outside the interrogation rooms at the PD talking to Brass.

"I can't let CSI Sidle in there." Brass told Aaron with a small amount of edge in his voice.

"He's not going in there. Her brother is."

Aaron handed over his ID, unhook his gun from his belt and handing that over too.

"Yeah I better have that." Brass smiled. "You never know one minute, it's intense finger pointing at sister, next thing you know, you snap." Brass added with a twinkle in his eye, letting Aaron know he was joking.

"What can I say? She gets under my skin every time."

"Hey, she's family and a little sister. She was born knowing what buttons to press."

23:41 Interrogation room

"Az." Sara leaped from her chair and into her brother's arms as he entered the room.

"At least I can hug you now." He told her, pulling her tight, burying his face in her soft tresses.

"Yeah, this is better." She told him, snuggling deeper in his embrace as he ran a comforting hand over her back.

Aaron pulled away after a moment so he could look into her eyes, "Though I could have lived a long fulfilling life never seeing you in prison orange and cuffed."

"Yeah, well I can live without you yelling at me. You scared me." Sara pouted.

"Baby." He teased leading her over to a seat.

"Bully."

"Wimp."

"Thug."

Sissy."

"Hey that's low." Sara smiled at her brother, knowing he really didn't mean what he said.

"Yes, well I'm still pretty mad at you."

"I know." Sara told him cupping his cheek. "I should have spoken to you and you have to believe I wanted to but it wasn't safe. We weren't safe and I couldn't bring you into that."

"Sunnydale's gone."

Aaron slumped back in his chair sounding defeated. Sara hated seeing her brother like this especially when it was her doing.

"I know but that doesn't mean we live happily ever after. It just means that we're homeless."

"So you've been working." Aaron asked trying to get his head around what was going on.

"Yeah and that lead us here."

"Us? I'm really starting to not like the sound of this. Are the others around?"

"Yes."

"So what? You're the fall guy?" Aaron seethed.

"They can't be seen."

"They... she better not be involved in this."

"Faith is around." Sara told him quietly and she had to smile at the twitch in her brothe'rs eye at the mention of Faith.

"So what? All is forgiven."

"Pretty much. Yep."

"No!" Aaron was adamant, getting up from his seat. "She's a killer."

"She's messed up but then she fits in well with our little group. Look, she is what she is. And I did what I did with her not because of her....You forgave me."

"You're my baby sister, I love you and you were lost."

"She was lost too."

Aaron sighed, he wasn't winning this one, "She needs to stay away from me."

Sara really couldn't blame Aaron for not liking Faith. He was more understanding than most brothers and he hadn't even blinked twice when she had told him she was gay. Faith though pushed even his tolerance levels. Most brothers were going to be wary of their sisters' girlfriends as it was. When said girlfriend uses you to try and kill a whole bunch of people, she supposed her brother had a right to be pissed. _'Not that simple.' _Sara ran her fingers through her hair. Nearly everyone she knew had at some point done something so bad that the world at large might never forgive them. All that ever seemed to matter though was the fact that the people closes to you cut you some slack. Although She had forgive faith thought, and so had the rest of the Scooby, she had to live with the fact that maybe Aaron never would forgive Faith.

"So will they be working on this?"

"They freakin' better be." She sighed, getting up from her seat and heading to the two way mirror once again, running her fingers through her hair. "God I hate these places."

Closing her eyes, she rested her head on her knuckles on the glass. "Though, I really should be used to this."

The tone in Sara's voice told Aaron exactly what moment she was thinking about. His mind too, wandered back to the night their foster family had died. The night he had come to pick Sara up from the Police station, to find his scared little sister curled up in the corner of an interrogation room, pretty much just like the one they were in now. He had so badly wanted nothing more than to pull her close and tell her anything he had to, so that he could get those tears to stop.

He hadn't been allowed to and at the time it had seem cruel and harsh to have to watch his sister like that. Since becoming a CSI he realized why it had to be that way, as any CSI on the job will tell you, the first person on the scene was the first suspect. His sister though, had looked lost and small in the spare cloths she had been given because hers had been covered in blood, because of that image alone, he couldn't forgive their treatment of her. As a CSI, he could understand but as her big brother, he couldn't forgive them.

23:44 other side of the mirror

Grissom stood on the other side of the two way mirror watching the interaction between brother and sister. He wasn't quite sure what was going on or what was going to come out of all that had happened so far that evening. He wasn't a fan of uncertainties, and he was feeling very uncertain of what the outcome will be, when all is said and done.

As Catherine made her way to the interview room to talk to her suspect, she caught a glimpse of Grissom in the viewing room as she went to move past.

"Gil?" She questioned as she entered the room.

"Ah Catherine, how are things going for you?" He enquired, not sure he wanted to know. He had told Aaron and Sara, that there was no way she could be a killer but deep down he knew the evidences didn't lie, no matter what and people did.

"I've got Greg and Hodges working on a few things and I left some prints with Mandy. That place was pretty clean though, most of the evidence I collected came from her." Catherine informed him pointing at the face looking at them through the mirror. She couldn't stop staring at the look on Sara's face, it seemed lost and haunted and as much as Catherine was trying to deny the fact that this woman was getting to her, she couldn't stop looking at her and wonder what the hell put that haunted and lost look on her face. _'Just another murder suspect. Get over it, Catherine!'_

"I take it you've come to talk to her?"

"Yes, the labs are still working so I have nothing tangible at the moment but I do have her record so I wanted to see if I could get something out of her."

Grissom chuckled at that and Catherine raised an eyebrow in his direction. "It's just that I doubt that she'll get rattled by you throwing her past misdemeanours in her face."

"No, well this doesn't read like a fairy tale."

"No, I wouldn't think for one second that it did."

"You really don't sound that surprised."

"No, as you now Know, I've known them both for a while and I've listened to Aaron moan both at and about Sara, so I know what a handful she can be. I also know that there is no one in this world that Aaron loves more and I feel the same is true for Sara. She is also one of the kindest, warm, loyal, and clever people you would ever wish to meet."

"Even smart people can kill." Catherine injected leaving the room.

23:55 interview room

"Aaron." Catherine threw a nonchalant greeting towards the younger CSI.

"Cath." Aaron's reply was guarded and Sara snapped her eyes to her brother. He tried to reassure her with a small smile. "Sar, come sit down, hon."

"Yes sir." Sara mock saluted, moving from the mirror to sit in the seat next to Aaron.

"Don't push your luck girl." Aaron warned her, not able to keep the grin from his face. Catherine watched the interplay between the siblings and felt oddly warmed. Placing the files she was carrying on the table in front of her, Catherine waited for Sara to sit down before she started. Sara spoke though before Catherine had a chance.

"So let me guess, you have nothing so far, not enough time since we got back from the crime scene. So you have come to try and wear me down."

"Sara." Aaron's said in warning.

"No, it's a smart point." Catherine couldn't help but smile.

"So." Sara started leaning back in her chair. "I'm take it that you have my whole history there in that brown folder and after reading, you what? Think you can get in my head."

"Sara." There was an exasperated edge to Aaron's voice. Sometimes he really did just want to throw his hands up in the air where Sara was concerned.

"No, we're all cool." Sara told him holding her hands up in surrender. Standing up she headed back over to the mirror. Looking at herself she tried to smooth down her unruly hair, all she seemed to manage to do was make it stand up more. "Don't you need a cop in here before you talk to me?"

"Well you seem to know how this all works. Done this a lot?" Catherine shot at her.

"Oh hell, yeah. There was no better way to pass the time growing up."

"Yes I can imagine." Catherine gave a false smile. "Not there though is it, your home town."

"Lady you've got my whole life in that little file, so get your facts straight. Sunnydale wasn't my home town, and no, it's not there anymore. Not that I see what that has to do with anything, so you can just go sit and …."

"For the love of god don't you dare finish that sentence." Aaron seethed at his sister. "If you are trying to piss everyone off; then you are going to get top marks for this." Aaron told her getting out of his seat, marching over to his sister and pulling her back to sit down. "Sit down and shut up till Brass gets here."

Feeling more than a little embarrassed at being manhandled by her brother, Sara slumped in her chair and didn't even look up as the door opened.

"Wow and I missing the party." Brass asked entering the room.

"We're just getting to know each other."

Sara could hear the ice in Catherine's voice _'Well done, not only are you pissing Aaron off but you're pissing Aaron's really hot friend off.'_

00:31 Interview room 

"I swear to god you are being evasive." Catherine accused Sara banging her own hand on the table. Truth was, she was frustrated but not just from not getting the answers she wanted. Sara had a very warm and sexy smile and if she was honest it was beginning to wear her down. She had a very distinct feeling that nothing she was saying was the truth but that didn't take away from the fact that if Sara didn't stop smiling at her like that, Catherine was going to beg Sara to put her lips to better use and kiss her.

"Maybe we should take a small break." Brass suggested with a side way glance at Catherine. _'She was one hell of a determined woman but he wasn't sure he'd ever seen her like this'._

"Fine." Catherine said gathering up her files and heading to the door. She was going to take this opportunity to get a grip; this was not the way she should be reacting. She was a suspect in a murder case and Aaron's sister _'So not going there.'_ Catherine sighed reaching for the door.

"Nice to meet you too, Ms Willows." Sara called after her and Catherine swear to god she was going to kill Sara.

"I'll get a uniform to take you to the cell." Brass told Sara as he shook his head at the young woman's antics. He'd sat in on some pretty weird interviews in his time, but this was the weirdest._ 'The main suspect isn't meant to string us along,"' Brass _got the feeling Sara was waiting for something better to do_. 'Oh and what the hell's eating Catherine?'

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_**Thanks for reading please reivew**  
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	4. Hurricane Catherine

**Not mine**  


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Chapter : 4

00:53 CSI Labs

"Got something good, I hope." Catherine told Greg as she marched into the DNA lab after he paged her.

"Hello to you too, I'm fine, thank you. And no, I'm not behind with everything else since a rush was put on your case, thanks for asking.

"Good then." Catherine bit back, folding her arms across her chest throwing him a death glare. Greg swallowed tightly hoping that parts of his body didn't shrivel up and die.

"So, all business all the time; I can dig that."

When all he got from Catherine was another glare, he handed over her DNA results; wondering what or who had foolishly set off hurricane Catherine.

"No match, you have got to be kidding with me, right."

"No, I ran it twice to make sure, not hers or your vic's."

"The Clear liquid, it doesn't mention it here."

"No, because it wasn't a human substance, so it's with Hodges."

"Ok." Catherine said, turning to make her way out off the room.

"What's she like."

Greg's question stopped Catherine in her tracks. "Who?" She asked him with a puzzled expression on her face. "Oh, the sister." She answered her own question, realising that word of what had happened must be making its way around the lab.

"You're probably the wrong person to ask." Greg shook his head turning back to his work. "You probably hate her already just for being Aaron's sister."

Catherine hadn't bothered to answer Greg. _'Because he was right.'_ That annoying little voice told her. She sighed once again realising that she had been doing that a lot since her shift had started. She didn't hate Aaron's sister, far from it and Aaron was an amazing young man and anyone would be proud to call him friend. Trouble is, it hadn't started good between them, what, with Aaron coming to investigate Warrick. Their friendship, if it could be called that, had started badly and since then it had been hard to get to know Aaron. _'The others seem to have done it'_ Damm that inner voice.

She headed to trace hoping that this case wouldn't get any more complicated. Not only was she investigating the sister of a colleague, she also now knew Sara was lying to them. All she could hope for was that Hodge, the kiss arse, would have something to help her solve this complicated case.

"So Hodge, wow me."

"If only I could."

"What?" Catherine asked irritated.

"Well so far all I've got some totally unidentifiable woody splinters, A water sample that is just that, water, and nothing more and some woollen fibres that are Persian green from a sweater 100% wool."

Grabbing the sheet from Hodges, she headed to the Break-room, in desperate need of coffee. This case was seriously beginning to really get to her. Sara was lying to them and Catherine now knew that for sure. Trouble was, the evidence wasn't conclusive, a smart lawyer could easily point out that Sara could have gotten blood on herself at any point tonight._ 'Does it even matter to me that I could be sending Aaron's sister to jail?'_ She shook her head. _'I'm just following the evidence.'_

Deep down she knew it was much more than that. She was sure that if Sara went away, then she wouldn't have to deal with the conflicting feelings she got whenever she was around the younger woman. But still, that was no reason to send someone to jail.

"So we pull in mini Sidle." Warrick had been standing in the door way of the Break-room for a couple of moments watching a very tense Catherine play with her cup. "Add to that, the fact that I've been warned that you're on the war path and I'm thinking you need to talk."

"I have nothing to say... It's just a case."

"Just a case uhh....Well Aaron's a friend, at least he's my friend and I sure as hell wouldn't like to be the one who had to investigate his sister."

"No, you wouldn't. Especially if you had to deal with that arrogant sister of his.

"Oh... So you like." Warrick jest, the last thing he expected was to see tears appearing in Catherine's eyes. "Hey girl what's going on with you?" Warrick asked, his green eyes filling with concern as he pulled Catherine in for a hug.

"I can't tell which way is up 'Rick. I know how I felt when Aaron first came here and was looking into you. I hated him for that but I don't want to see him hurt....But if I find anything on Sara, Aaron will be hurt and I'll be the bad guy...But if she's guilty then she deserves this.....And....."

"And...." Warrick pushed gently when she paused.

"She's beautiful and funny and if she wasn't in chains I'd so want to kiss her. In fact I'm not sure the chains are even putting me off anymore."

"You like her."

"I'm screwed up."

01:34 Coroners office

Catherine took her time to walk from the Break-room to the Coroner's office. She needed time to try and put a lid on what was going on with her. _'Help if you'd take the time to work it out.'_ That little voice was really beginning to piss her off, no matter how right it was. So she took this chance to take it all in. In the end it was pretty simple, she found the main suspect in there homicide and Aaron's little sister very hot. _'Wow girl, you need to get out more and you aren't that desperate...yet.'_ She laughed at herself.

"No way this attraction is going to amount to anythin." She told herself out loud, hoping it might sink in. _'That's it then'_ she told herself. _'You will keep her out of your life at all costs.'_

"So Doc what do we have." She threw the friendly greeting at the grey hair coroner as she walked into the autopsy room

"Hey Catherine, lovely to see you once again."

"You to doc, so what we got."

"Well we got some fibres off of him which have already gone to trace. There was something under his nails which we took out and his clothes have been sent to the labs. You probably past them on your way over here. Any ID yet?"

"Yeah, his name's Christopher Addison 32 and a pit boss at the Rampart."

"So what?....Robbery gone very wrong."

"Well if that's so, it really doesn't fit our suspect. I've got a feeling motive is going to be harder to come by on this one."

"I hear the suspect is a friend of Aaron's?"

"His sister."

"Ah... So am I to assume that he's pretty upset right now?"

"No, he's actually really calm but then Sara's told him she's innocent. So that makes it ok for him."

"You don't think so."

"No, it's just something, I can't put my finger on.... So cause of death."

Dr. Albert Robbins may have spent most of his time with the dead but that didn't mean he missed the small signs that the living could give out and he knew when Catherine Willows changed the subject, you didn't change it back.

"Well if it wasn't for the massive hole in his chest, he would be in fine health." Doc quibbed but with one stern look from Catherine he soon carried on. "He bled out from a single puncher wound to his upper chest just under his heart. He would have bleed out and would have died almost instantly. I'm putting TOD at around five and a half hours ago. "

Catherine looked at her watch. "So, give or take that would be around eight last night."

"Yeah, roughly."

"I'm so going to get a headache for this."

"Does that cause a problem?"

"Oh, only another one."

Catherine stormed out of the coroner office flipping her phone open and dialling Brass. This case was getting to her. It was clear to her now that Sara was lying to them. There had to have been someone else there with her last night. She would have been covered in blood if she had killed their vic. Also the small fact that there Vic had had a good scratch at who ever had attached him and under a close inspection there was not a scratch on Sara's rather lovely body. _'Wow hold up where did that sneak out from.'_

"Brass." Jim cut to the chase on the other end of the phone.

"I'm on my way to PD, get that Lying Little Ass, in an interview room ASAP."

"I'm going to assume you mean Sidle Jr."

"Yep, get her there." Catherine ordered, slamming her phone shut. She was at a loss as to which was pissing her of more. The fact that Sara was lying or that she found that she still liked her.

02:05 LVPD

"If the next word out of your mouth is another lie, I may take a swing at you." Catherine said leaning over the table so she was almost nose to nose with Sara.

"Why am I getting under your skin, Ms Willows?"

"Sar', please stop it." Aaron tried to get his sister to stop, though part of him also wondered why Sara seemed to be able to get to Catherine so easily.

"Stop what?" Sara questioned "She's the one shouting."

"Look, why don't you help yourself. We know you not telling us what really happened." Brass tried to keep this thing on track.

"Yeah, really? You know that how?" Sara wanted to know. She really did feel like an ass, they were nice people. She had to keep playing the game, she had been taught over the years. A good demon hunter had to just hold out till the cavalry rode in.

"Well... for one thing the evidence doesn't match a damm thing you've been telling us."

"Well that's not my fault...It's your evidence, figure it out."

"You were not alone in that house. You really couldn't have been, so do us all a favor and tell us who you're covering for. I mean what is the point...they can't have been a very good friend if they out there and you're in here facing life in jail." Catherine was pretty sure that insulting the friendship that had gotten her into this chair might push her button; so she tried very hard not to show her disappointment, when Sara laughed in her face.

"Lady, you are not the first person to try that trick and I bet you won't be the last. But I'm pretty sure though you're gonna be the best looking by a mile."

Sara was convinced that the only thing that saved her from a slap; was the fact that Catherine was momentarily distracted by her pager.

"I need to get this." Catherine told them angrily, while standing up to leave.

02:36 Corridor 

"Catherine."

Aaron's voice stopped her in her tracks as she went to find the nearest phone to answer Hodges page. "What." Catherine snapped Aaron's sister was doing her head in the last thing she needed in that moment was Aaron going of on one two.

"I need to ask you something."

"Make it quick." She told him as she turned to face him, placing her hands on her hips.

"Why are you letting her get to you? We've been in situations like this before. Is it because she's my sister?"

"I don't know what you mean." Catherine told him trying to hold Aaron's gaze but failing. She was worried that he would see right through her.

"Well for what it's worth, I'm sorry. She's not always like this but you seem to be bringing out the worst in her." Aaron smirked.

"You must find yourself apologizing for her a lot." Catherine said turning to leave.

"No actually,...I spend most of my time thankful she'd my sister."

02:41 Brass's office 

The only place Catherine could find a spare phone had been in Brass's office. Taking a moment to close her eyes as she sank in on his, chair she tried to work out some of the stress in her over worked muscles. Catherine bolted upright the moment the imaginary fingers working her shoulders became Sara's, there was no way she was letting that little day dream play out.

Picking up the phone she dialled and waited for Hodges answer.

"Thank you." Catherine greeted a bemused Hodges when her call was finally answered. He would never know how thankful she was that he had gotten her out of that room.

"I haven't told you anything yet, so I'd hold that 'thank you' if I were you."

"Not good news, is it?"

"Well that depends. If your suspect is part undetermined reptilian, then I have great news for you."

"Oh she's slimy but I don't think she's a reptilian."

Musing on this new piece of information, Catherine made her way back to the interrogation room. Moments after stepping in the room there was a firm knock. The door opened to reveal two men dressed in black suits.

"About time." Sara sighed and the taller of the two, a sandy haired brown eyed man broke out into a warm smile.

"Everything comes to she who waits, Sidle." He smiled before pulling out his ID. "Agent Ryle Finn, Home Land Security, this is Agent Mitchell."

"Well agents.. what can we do for you?"

"We will be taking over the Addison case."

"On who's authority?" Catherine demanded.

"That would be the President Ma'am. So my superiors would really appreciate it if all the files and tests you have be handed over to my men so we can act swiftly on this."

"I'm going to make a call." Catherine told them, rushing from the room while Brass took a closer look at the paper work Ryle had presented.

"I assume everything is ok, here Sidle."

"No... do you know how long I've had to take this shit? What took so long?"

"Aw, Lighten up, we got here ASAP." Cameron Mitchell smiled.

"Well I suppose it wasn't all bad. We got to bond, right Az?" Sara teased and then smiled at the look on her brother's face.

"I hate you all." Aaron grumbled but did not complain as first Ryle than Cameron pulled him into a _'manly'_ hug.

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**Thank you for reading Pleasr review**


	5. Staying

**No please don't adjust your screens it really is me, Oh and there still not mine. **

**Sorry for the delay but between my poorly laptop and the fact that my Beta actally has a life it is taking some time.**

**thank you for sticking with me i promise it will get better.  
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Chapter 5

06:43 Catherine's Office.

"Ms. Willows."

After her rather appalling behaviour during the night before, Sara had made a point of stopping to speak to anyone she might have offended. She was about to head out to breakfast with her brother so she was sure she would have plenty of time to talk to him. The next stop on her list was Catherine, though by the look on the strawberry blonde's face Sara was starting to wish she'd just wrote a note.

"Oh god. No more." Catherine groaned looking up from her paper work to find Sara hovering in her doorway.

"I was wondering if I could talk to you."

"Look I have no interest in whatever you have to say." Catherine was stern in hope that Sara would not notice the blush that was creeping over her body at the mere sound of the younger woman's voice.

"Please, it won't take long." Sara tried again

"Wow, you really are a Sidle; look the world does not revolve around you." Catherine sneered

"Look I can understand you being pissed at me in the interview room but I was hoping that since all that got cleared up, you might be willing to..."

Sara didn't get the chance to finish her sentence as Catherine got up from her chair and rounded on her infuriated. "Cleared up? You're kidding right; just because you got a couple of smart suits to flash some paper work doesn't make you innocent in my book."

"So you still think that I'm a killer? That you are letting a killer out?" Sara asked clearly hurt by the fact that Catherine could think that.

"How the hell should I know?! You weren't very open with the truth, were you?" Catherine challenged.

"You really are something, you know that." Sara shook her head. She would not let this woman see she was hurting her.

"I do know."

Catherine turned her attention back to her paper work, ending the conversation.

07:32 Jenny's coffee House 

Hours had passed since home world security had ridden to Sara's rescue. After trying to apologise for the idiot she had been in the interview room with Catherine. Sara went to find Brass; at least that apology had been accepted better. Sara was sure that if she ever got to stick around in Vegas she and Brass could be friends.

Here she sat now drinking Coffee with the Scooby's and her brother. She had been sure that Aaron was going to try to kill Faith the moment they met up again. But silence was all Aaron had seemed to be able to muster.

"I love you." Sara told Aaron leaning into him a little so only he could hear her. "I know I was a jerk tonight but these guys needed me to hang in there."

"I just hate seeing that side of you."

"I know and if it counts for anything I don't really like her, but she's so easy to be."

"Can I just say I'm sorry for the way tonight played out?" Xander's voice took their attention from each other to the rest of the table.

"Xande?" Aaron questioned.

"Yeah, well the superhero that I am, managed to get himself knocked out and Sar had to haul my arse out of there."

"Yeah Sar' thanks for staying. It means a lot that you put yourself on the line like that." Buffy told her friend reaching over the table to squeeze her hand.

"Yeah, babe. It would have been a right pain if Buf or I had gotten hauled off by the cops." Faith told Sara, around a mouthful of pancakes.

"Yeah, for you I bet." Sara smiled shaking her head. "Look it was nothing. Though I owe you a new sweater, Xand, had to burn yours with the demon."

"Yeah I like Vamp's." Willow interjected, "No messy clean up."

"Was you sweater green?" Aaron asked finally putting some pieces together.

"Yeah, why?"

"Because trace of your sweater and your blood were on Sara, and it was driving Cath mad. So what was it this time?" Aaron wasn't sure he wanted to know what sort of evil roamed the streets of Las Vegas. It was bad enough knowing what people did to each other without knowing what inhumane things were out there too. But as he sat there with his sister, he felt like he had to know what she had been doing and what could very easily have killed her this time.

"Polgara demon, most know for two protracting skewer like prongs in each wrist." Willow told him.

"Why was it in Vegas, killing a bit boss? It has bad credit?" Aaron shook his head at his own lame joke and Sara squeezed his arm, so he would know she knew he found all this difficult but she was so pleased he was trying.

"We're still trying to figure that out." Giles spoke for the first time. "Though there are demons all over the world, it is very rare for one to enter someone's home and kill them."

"Will you be around for a while to figure it out?" Aaron asked Giles but he was looking at Sara. He just got his little sister back. He knew where she was and she was safe, and he wasn't ready for another stint at worrying about her.

"Actually, no. They are having a Werewolf problem in Maine and we are needed there."

Buffy dug her watcher in the ribs and Sara glared at him. Sara was well aware that they would not be here long but she had wanted to talk to Aaron first. She would never forget the look of hurt on his face for as long as she lived.

"My biggest question in all of this is what part of me does the government own now, in return for this little get out of jail free card." Sara asked in a desperate bid to change the subject. She needed to talk to Aaron alone, about things they needed to say to each other, that the rest of the gang didn't need to hear.

Ryle just smiled cryptically, "Your future."

"Ok, you're going to have to explain that one a little better. Sara shook her head.

"As you well know when Initiative was a big fat failure."

All the occupants at the table nodded in sync.

"The powers that be are well aware of the problem faced daily keeping sub T's of the streets."

"Oh god I'm being recruited in some sick Syfi show." Sara groaned.

"No quite." Cam chuckled. "A number of government agencies have agents working for them who have full security clearance and help to keep our little problem from becoming public knowledge."

"So where does Sara come in this?" Giles questioned.

"There is an opportunity for you to work right here in the crime office. By doing so you will be in a perfect position to help us if and when needed." Cam explained.

"Work in the crime lab how? Sara asked.

"Well, that will be up to you. There is a place being opened for you at UCLV on their forensic science BA (Hon) Major with criminology as your minor."

"Not much then."

"Well you could be a janitor if you want."

"How about I pass on all of these choices?" Sara shot back.

"Sar ?" Aaron questioned.

"That's your tidy life, not mine." Sara told Aaron, excusing herself from the table.

Outside Jenny's Coffee house 07:49

Aaron and Faith walk out after her as she walked outside, they watched her for a moment before Faith put a hand on Sara's shoulder turning her around till they were facing each other.

"Talk to us."

"What's to say Faith? We both know that's not how it works for people like us."

With that Faith closed the gap pulling Sara in a tight hug. Sara buried her head in Faith's hair. She had to smile a little, Faith still smelled of sweat and blood and that turned Sara on more than it should.

"It could happen for you." Faith told Sara

"So I get to run off and have a life and leave my friends alone, no."

"Well I'd rather leave you working than in a body bag." Faith tried a different tack.

"I don't want to leave." Sara finally admitted.

"You're getting soft on me Sidle." Faith smiled pulling Sara tighter. "I know I was just starting to like you too but you still helping."

"Hell this is all bullshit anyway." Sara groaned in frustration.

"Why?" Aaron spoke for the first time.

"Well I hate to burst anyone's balloon but Sunnydale imploded before I graduated from Collage." Sara pointed out.

"We have that taken care of." Ryle informed them. He had been standing quietly watching them, but felt it was time to speak up.

"Taken care of... What does that mean?"

Sara was fast developing a headache; she decided closing her eyes and squeezing the bridge of her nose.

"Contacts."

Sara frowned _'make that a migraine'_ she shook her head.

"Yes, like we told you, we have people in all sorts of organisations and the go ahead from the president."

"Why is Harry Hayes so interested in me?"

"He knew Christian."

"Wow." Both Aaron and Sara exclaimed who would have guessed there foster dad had known the then future President.

"You really should consider this." Sara couldn't answer she just held on tighter to faith and closed her eyes.

"She's going to need some time to think about this." Aaron answered for his sister.

"Offers there till midnight." Ryle told them walking away.

07:43 Sara's Apartment

The drive back to Aaron's apartment had been a quite one, everyone seemed to be taking their lead from Sara and she hadn't said a word since leaving the dinner.

Aaron was trying not to say a word, he really didn't want to influence his sister in any way, and of course he wanted her to stay. There was no doubt about that, in his mind if she stayed in Vegas with him she would be safe and he would know where she was. Trouble was he knew his sister too well and he knew her deep seeded feelings of duty. Leaving Buffy and the others would feel like walking away when there was still a job to be done and that would not sit well with her.

Aaron was brought back from his musings when Buffy began to speak.

"Well I think you should do it." Buffy told Sara, as they all sat drinking coffee in Aaron's home.

"Gee Buff it really is nice to know I've been such a valuable member of the team all these years." Sara pulled herself up off the floor where she had been sitting by her brother's feet, heading to the balcony.

"No, that wasn't what I meant." Buffy sighed looking to Aaron.

"No but she's feeling a bit unwanted. I should guess you all keep telling her to stay. Plus I should imagine she's waiting for the other shoe to fall. Good stuff doesn't happen a lot."

"Let me talk to her." Giles told them standing and walking to the balcony to join Sara.

Sara didn't look up till she felt the presence of the older man at her side.

"You draw the short straw?" Sara asked looking out over early morning Vegas.

"Not at all, I wanted to be the one to try and talk to you."

"Why?"

"Quite frankly, having you stay with me were some of the best years of my life, I love you like a daughter and I don't want to see you pass up this opportunity to have a life that's not about death and blood."

"Yeah but we all deserve that. I don't see anyone else jumping ship."

"Is that really how you see it, as you letting us down and leaving us behind?"

"Yes, why do I get to have a life?"

"The slayers are just that, Slayers. And yes it's not a good life or the one I would've wanted for them, I would want so much more for them both but there is no more. Xander, what does he have? He lost Anya, she was his family, Willow has Kennedy but they have no other place in this world and Dawn without a doubt is better off with her sister."

"Me?"

"You my dear Sara are an integral part of this team; but you have a place in this world that is not about death and demons. You have a brother to look out for, you have a calling in the scientific world that you should listen to and you should at least have a try at a life that I wish the others could have. And you would not only stay here with our blessing, you would still be fighting the good fight just with a different hat on."

"That wouldn't be fair; I haven't even earned my place here."

"You have earned it twice over."

"How can I do it? How do I live have a normal life after living a life that has been so abnormal for so long?"

"Well, maybe that's something he'll help you with." Giles told her motioning over his shoulder towards Aaron.

"Will you help me?" Sara asked in a small voice, Aaron was the only person she never minded knowing she needed help.

"Always."

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**Thank you for reading, i know i shouldn't ask cos i took so long but make me happy it's christmas after all so please review!**


	6. Three Years Later

**Yes Guys it really is another chaptor ****and no there not mine so suing me this close to Christmas would just be mean.**

**Big big thank you to Truth7 for all your help on this chapter it is always much appreciated.  
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19:20 School Reception.

"Wow if looks could kill." Sara smirked as she stood next to Catherine in the reception area of Lindsey Willow's school.

It was Lindsey's school play and much to Catherine's disgust Sara had just turned up.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Catherine seethed.

"Well…"

Any reply by Sara was cut off by Lindsey's excited cries.

"You did make it. I knew you would." Lindsey squealed as she launched herself at Sara's legs. Just managing to keep her balance, Sara extracted her self form Lindsey's grip so she could crouch and pull the little girl into a hug.

"Hell yeah, I promised didn't I."

"Yeah," Lindsey smiled at Sara nodding her head vigorously. So much so that Sara wondered if the girl's head might fall off.

"What would I never do?" Sara questioned with a smile of her own.

"Break a promise."

"You knew she was coming?" Catherine asked, stooping next to Sara to talk to her daughter.

"Of Course," Lindsey stated, nodding her head extravagantly. "I asked her to come. Sara helped me with my lines."

"Oh…ok." Catherine was confused by the new turn of events. Keeping Sara at arms length had meant that she had carefully tried to keep Sara out of Lindsey's life. Sara had never spent that much time with Lindsey or so she had thought.

" Linds, stay here for a moment, I need to talk to Sara."

"Ok." Lindsey was a little confused as she watched Catherine lead Sara away. She really thought her mom hated Sara; that had been her reason for not mentioning her friendship with Sara, though she had really wanted Sara there to see her perform.

"Where the hell have you been meeting with my daughter?" Catherine asked the moment they were alone.

"We have been meeting over the net." Sara answered quietly," I knew that you wouldn't be happy knowing that I was meeting her, so I didn't tell you."

"I know you don't have much respect for me as a person but I thought you would at least have some respect for me as a mother." Catherine said angrily, "But here you are standing in front of me, telling me that you have been meeting my daughter for MONTHS behind my back, knowing that I wouldn't be happy with it. My daughter and I don't keep secrets from each other, Sara. We have an open relationship where I KNOW who she sees, who her friends are. I worked HARD to have that type of relationship with my daughter…..But in one fuck-up decision you tried to mess that up."

Unable to control the anger that was running through her whole body, Catherine got closer in Sara's face, invading Sara's personal space," You FORCED my daughter to keep a secret from me, something she has never done….how dare you?!!! How DARE you try to mess-up my relationship with my daughter?!!! "

One moment Catherine was yelling in her face, the next moment Sara felt her face being turned on the side by the force of Catherine's hand making contact with her left cheek. Sara had been pretty sure that her mouth was going to get her in trouble with Catherine one day, and she stand corrected since it was her stupid decision to keep her meetings with Lindsey a secret that finally took Catherine over the edge, causing her to use violence for the first time against Sara. Knowing she deserve the slap for unknowingly messing with the open relationship that Catherine have with Lindsey, it didn't make her face sting any less. Damm, if Catherine's slaps hurt that much, her punches most be killers, Sara thought with a trace of morbid wonder.

Sara quickly took a step back from Catherine, it was her natural reaction when things got physical, learned over years of survival. She half turned to look over her shoulder for Aaron, her second line of defense when things got out of hand. She had lost count of the number of times Aaron had gotten a bad beating trying to protect her. It was funny how she could fight demons till the cows came home without a trace of fear but violence from another human being scared her, turned her into a damsel in distress who needs her older brother's protection and fighting skill.

For her part, Catherine looked shocked at her own action and deep regret immediately came over her for what she had done to Sara. Unfortunately no amount of regret or apologizes can turn back the hands of time and give her a chance to control her temper and not slap Sara.

"Happy now you've gotten that out of your system." Sara asked, taking another step back from Catherine before turning away and went to find Lindsey.

"Linds, I'm sorry, but I might have to go after all." Sara told the little girl as she crouched to Lindsey's level and placed her hands on the little girl's shoulders.

"Why?!" Lindsey yelled, pouted instantly and threw her arms around Sara's neck as if to hold her there by force. "Mommy, she has to stay. She promised, Mommy. Tell her she promised, Mommy, please."

Catherine sighed, surveying the scene in front of her. She had no clue how Sara and Lindsey had become so close. But she did know there was no way of getting out of this without breaking her little girl's heart and she also need to apologize to Sara, even if Sara doesn't accept it.

"Sara, I'm sure you can stay if it means that much to Lindsey."

"Thank you, Mom." Lindsey said as she turned to Sara," Please Sara, stay, you promised and you said friends don't break promises to each other." Lindsey pleaded with Sara.

Seeing Sara struggle and understanding why the young woman was struggling with her decision, after all she just been slap by the little's girl mother, Catherine thought with regret. Deciding to help her daughter out and make the decision easier for Sara, Catherine forced herself to look directly in Sara's eyes as she said," Please, stay, Sara."

Looking into Catherine's eyes, Sara knew she was going nowhere until after Lindsey's play because she couldn't resist Lindsey and even after everything, she couldn't say no to Catherine either.

"I would be stupid to miss the greatest performance ever by Miss Lindsey Willows. So break a leg, Shorty." Sara said to Lindsey with small smile on her face. Beaming with happiness at Sara's answer, Lindsey ran off to join her class mates.

Looking at Lindsey running happily toward her friends, Sara turned to Catherine," You have a great daughter, she talks a lot about you."

Being reminded of why she had slap Sara, Catherine's anger which had taken a temporary back seat to her daughter's need for Sara to stay, came flaring back. Trying to keep control of her temper this time, because Catherine never wanted to see the look of fear that flash in Sara's eyes after she slapped her; especially since she hadn't meant to slap the young woman. Catherine asked," So how did you really get to know Linds?"

She had been taken of guard seeing Sara there, how at ease the brunette had been with her daughter, seeing a side of Sara she only ever got to hear about.

"About a year ago, when you were taken for a ride by that asshole and his finger."

"Aaron took care of Lindsey," Catherine stating, remembering that time.

"Az was out of his mind looking for you like everyone else. So I looked after Linds, so that they wouldn't have to worry about her." Sara corrected Catherine.

Catherine was shock; she never thought that Sara would have been the one to take care of Lindsey. Before today, she never thought the younger woman would care to spend a minute with a child. But now her image of the Sara was being change, and she realized Sara must have been the one to tenderly tuck her daughter in that horrible night.

"She really is a great kid, Cath and we have a lot in common." Sara smirked at the look on Catherine's face, "Apart from the fact that we are mentally the same age."

Finally relaxing in the older woman's presence, putting aside what Catherine had done a few minutes ago, Sara nudged Catherine gently with her elbow and Catherine had to smile.

"She loves Math and Science, I help her with her home work and we hang out together when she thinks you and Eddie are out to get her."

"Why didn't I know?" Catherine asked sadly.

"Well I can't get you to talk to me unless you want something or you need to shout at me so I was never going to start a conversation with 'hey I'm hanging out with your daughter.'"

"Linds never told me."

"Well maybe she knows you hate me. But that's no excuse for us keeping this a secret from you. For the record, I didn't _force _Lindsey to keep our relationship a secret. I didn't really think about it in regard to your relationship with her. I never meant for our relationship to affect what you have with her. I respect you as a mother and a _person_." Sara told her as she started to turn away.

"Sara…" Catherine called her back, Sara turned to face her.

"I hate that you and Lindsey kept your relationship a secret from me. I get why you both thought you had to but that still doesn't make me feel better about it. But I accept your explanation and I'm really sorry for slapping you, I never meant to hit you but there is no excuse for me raising my hand on you. All I can say is that, I'm truly sorry about that." Catherine said hopping that Sara would accept her apology.

Sara looking deeply into Catherine's eyes, as if she was making sure that Catherine was really sorry for what she had done. As much as Sara care about Catherine and was attracted to her, she had promised herself years ago that she would never be with someone who felt that it was acceptable to raised their hands on her. Seeing that Catherine was truly sorry for what she had done, Sara simply nodded her acceptance of the apology and slowly walked away.

Breathing a sigh of relief that her apology was accepted by Sara, Catherine watched as Sara walk to the auditorium, where Lindsey was to showcase her acting talent.

Sara words, _"Well maybe she knows you hate me," _plays in Catherine's head, as Sara's body disappear from view.

"Wish I could." Catherine told the empty space Sara had just vacated.

19:20 School Hall

For anyone who didn't know them they looked like the perfect happy couple watching on proudly as their daughter took the stage. Catherine sat with video camera in hand taking in everything that was going on while Sara sat besides her beaming with pride. There was no sign of their normal volatile relationship it was as if the little girl brought out the best in them both.

"You're doing a really good job with her Cath." Sara told the older woman leaning slightly into Catherine's personal space to whisper the compliment. Any response was interrupted by the arrival of Eddie Willows, Catherine's ex husband and Lindsey's father.

Sara's heart sank she had been enjoying the moment. She could almost pretend that they were there together watching Lindsey.

"You're late Eddie." Catherine seethed as the rather disheveled looking man came to a halt next to them. Catherine handed Sara the camera before turning to Eddie.

"Don't start." he shot back sitting in the empty seat on the other side of Catherine.

"You know how much this meant to Lindsey."

"Can we argue about this later?" Eddie sighed.

Sara rolled her eyes at the man. It was beyond her how such an asshole managed to have Catherine and Lindsey in his life. Sara once again told herself that if she was ever lucky enough to have these people in her life they would never go through anything like this, she would protect them with her life.

"Latest play thing."

Eddie shot an accusing glare at Sara who stood her ground. Sara had faced down bigger and more evil things than Eddie Willows. Eddie _'Asshole Bastard'_ Willows couldn't scare her in his worst days, Sara though before turning her attention to the stage as she recognized the narrator's prompts; they were nearing Lindsey's part.

"She's so beautiful." Eddie smiled. "Give me that." He added menacingly to Sara. She didn't put up a fight, he wasn't worth it. She just handed over the Camera.

"Nice perfume." Catherine commented as Eddie leant across her to retrieve the camera. Sara tried to block out what was becoming a full scale fight next to her and concentrate on Lindsey. _'No wonder she gets upset by these two.'_ Sara thought to herself shaking her head.

Sara watched as Lindsey sat up on the bed ready to deliver her lines, the lines she and Sara had been working on for weeks. Sara didn't believe Eddie could have chosen a worse time to rise to Catherine's bait. He huffed and stood up violently pulling a chair out in the row in front.

"Fine, is this ok?" He mocked Catherine as he sat down.

Sara watched in horror as Lindsey froze and most of the room turned to look at them.

'_Yeah, no wonder these two get to her.'_ Sara thought as she watched Lindsey slip out off the bed and ran from the stage.

20:29 School Hallway

Lindsey sat wrapped in Sara's arms as Catherine and Eddie came towards them.

"Look I don't know who you are but you need to take your hands off of my little girl." Eddie ordered as he came level with Sara.

"Daddy."

"It's okay, Linds." Sara reassured the little girl as she stood placing Lindsey on the ground. Eddie sat in the vacated seat and Lindsey reluctantly sat next to him.

"Maybe you should go now, Sara." Catherine told her turning to the brunette.

"No." Lindsey told them emphatically, "At least she was being good back there."

"I'm sorry baby. You did well though." Catherine sighed crouching down in front of her daughter.

"Yeah you were fine Lind's, good." Eddie told his daughter.

"Yeah, and you know what? It was just a play." Catherine tried to reason.

Sara winced at Catherine's choice of words. It was more than a play for Lindsey and together they had been practicing for weeks.

"No, it's not just a play. I was sleeping beauty and you guys ruined it."

"Sorry baby."

Catherine tried once again she had a feeling she was going to be saying that to Lindsey for a while. She had been mad though and not all of that had been Eddies fault. No she had been mad at herself as it had just felt so right to be there with Sara. Then Eddie had shown up late and smelling of one of his cheap tarts and Catherine had realized that Sara was more of a parent to Lindsey and she had never even noticed.

"Hey Linds, I know it wasn't quite what we practiced but you just stole the show."

Sara's words caught Catherine of guard and she stood to see where Sara was going with this. As she stood and looked between her daughter and the Brunette Catherine realized that where ever it was going, Lindsey was probably going to like it.

"I did?"

"Yeah, no one will remember the others but Lindsey Willows kick-butt Diva."

"Really?" Lindsey frowned for a moment thinking this over.

"Yeah, everyone will be wishing they ditched the show to make the big impact."

Sara smiled down at the young blond tucking stray bangs behind her ears.

"Cool. I want to go home now." Lindsey announced looking up at Sara.

"Come on then, let's go home." Catherine told the little girl.

"No mom I want to go with Sara."

Sara tried really hard to smother the smile on her face at the look of horror on Catherine's face.

"No way!" Catherine shot out before she had a chance to censor her answer.

"Please!" Lindsey whined.

"I'm sure Sara has better things to do." Catherine tried a different tack, hoping Sara would back her on this.

"Better than hanging out with Linds? No way."

'_Should have known better.' _Catherine thought to her self.

"No." Catherine stated once more.

"Fine. I want to go with dad then."

"You're sure about that?"

Catherine looked between Sara and Eddie as Lindsey nodded her assent. What had she been thinking, at least if she had let Lindsey go with Sara her safety would be guaranteed but with Eddie she was never sure that something better might come along and he would leave Lindsey to her own device without adult supervision.

"Ok." Catherine sighed, what other choice did she had at this point. She already shot down Lindsey going with Sara and not to mention she was partly to blame for almost ruining Lindsey's night on stage.

20:37 School Car Park

Sara leaned back on her car, hands stuffed in her pocket. She watched as Lindsey followed her dad through the parking lot and into his car. She had know the moment Lindsey had asked that there was no way Catherine would let her daughter go home with her but it still hurt that Catherine had been so adamant about it.

It had been a wired day in all really. Sara had been worried about Catherine's reaction to her turning up at the school. Though she had been expecting a bad reaction she had never expected Catherine to hurt her. Maybe it just showed her how little Catherine really thought of her. She realized she was going to have to admit that one day but it wasn't today. Not after the evening she had just had. It had been amazing sitting in there with Catherine, just them being there together. That was something she was going to hold onto for a while.

Catherine stood in the doorway of the school and watched Lindsey leave with Eddie. She felt sick at the though of Lindsey being in Eddie's car for the night. As she scanned the parking lot she caught sight of Sara standing by her car and anger flashed through her. Tonight would have been different if Sara hadn't been there, that she was sure of that, forgetting her part in the way the night had turn out. Her daughter wouldn't be going home with Eddie if she hadn't been there and she was sure of that, again forgetting that she could have said no when Lindsey had asked to go home with her father. Storming out of the school and over to Sara, she was determined to have a word with that dame Sidle.

"You could have backed me back there." Catherine whined the moment she was in range of Sara.

"No you mean that I could have rolled over and do as you wanted, again."

Sara shook her head pushing away from her car.

"Lindsey would be coming home with me…"

"If you hadn't lost it with Eddie in the middle of her play," Sara interrupted before Catherine had a chance to change the facts to fit her on version of what happened, with her coming out without any blame and all the blame falling on Sara's shoulder.

"Are you trying to blame this on me."

"No I'm not trying to do anything Catherine. So just leave me alone. We're not at work so I don't have to dance to your tune. Get over yourself and leave me the hell alone." Sara told Catherine, she looked at the stunt look on the older woman's face for a moment, taking pleasure in surprising her, before she open her car and drive away, leaving the older woman behind.

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**Thank you for reading Merry Christmas every one**

**Please review i'm feeling sad with only two so far show me a little Christmas spirit!  
**


	7. Crank Calls

**I**** hope you all still love me even though it seems to have taken me a really long time to update. All I can say is sorry and another part shouldn't be to far behind.**

**Do I really have to tell you there not mine, not even a little bit.  
**

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7 Crank Calls.

22:04 Brake Room.

Sara sat in the break room lost in her own little world as she watched the bustle of the lab go on around her. It was her night off but staying at home had seemed impossible after the day she had experienced.

She wasn't looking forward to spending another evening in the company of Catherine for a while. Although Catherine had apologized for slapping her, it wasn't something Sara would forget for a while. Sara had gone home and thrown up remembering the feel of Catherine's hand on her cheek, forcing her to remember a past that Sara tries desperately to forget. What made the situation worst is that she had never intended to even try to come between Catherine and Lindsey. The thought had never entered her head. She did love Lindsey in a way she thought she would never feel about a child and spending time with her was a pleasure.

Thoughts of the little girl made her cringe as she thought of Lindsey sitting on stage and hearing her parents fighting again. Sara thought Catherine was an amazing mother, but know that sometimes her temper lead her into trouble, and make her do things that she know she shouldn't do, like last night.

"And Warrick has on a pink tutu." The last of Greg's words filtered into Sara's conscious mind.

"Huh." Sara span in her chair to face Greg and found a cup of his Liquid gold hovering just in front of her. "Warrick's wearing what?"

"Cloths." Greg laughed, handing Sara her cup and sitting opposite her. "You were in your own little world."

"Sorry Greg, what were you saying?"

"I was just wondering what you were doing here? It's your night of and I thought you had big plans." Greg Started but was soon aware that he had once again lost Sara's attention. Turning Greg rolled his eyes as he saw Catherine walking in to the brake room. He hated that Sara liked Catherine so much and he hated the way Catherine treated her in return. Catherine's temper had been widely joked about but it seemed to be something deeper where Sara was concerned.

"Yeah well things went pretty bad." Sara shrugged, turning half her attention back to Greg as she watched Catherine head to the coffee pot. Sara wasn't too sure how she felt seeing Catherine again. There was still a little lingering resentment for the things that had been said that evening.

Catherine stood by the coffee pot making herself look busy, trying hard not to make it look like she was listening to every word that Sara was saying. Was Sara about to tell Greg everything that had happened that evening? Was she about to reveal Catherine's lapse in temper? Catherine hope desperately that wasn't going to happen, that Sara accepting her apology meant that she would keep the detail of their fights to herself. Not willing to take the risk of being wrong about Sara not saying anything, Catherine decided to help along in keeping Sara's mouth shut.

"Sara, I've put some samples in the lab, will you run them for me please? And I would like it to be done sooner rather than later."

"Well shift doesn't start for half an hour but I will get to it."

"Grissom told me to clear everything in the lab tonight," Greg cut in.

"Yeah, well I want Sara to do this." Catherine insisted, she hated how irrational she sounded but couldn't seems to help herself or find a better way to keep Sara quiet about their fight. And she was still beyond annoy with Sara for her latest antics, so she pushed, even knowing in the back of her mind that it would better if she just back down little..

"What are you going to do if I don't do it Catherine?" Sara challenges Catherine, as she stands up to face the blond.

When Catherine just stood there silently, not able answer, Sara invaded Catherine's personal space and whispered in her ear, making sure that Greg didn't hear her," Are you going to _hit me, again_?" She seethed, pulling back to stare boldly in Catherine's eyes. Catherine held her eyes for a second but couldn't take Sara's intense glare, seeing that she had won this battle, Sara decided she had enough of Catherine for the moment, "I'll get to it." She said as she walked out of the break room, leaving Catherine to look at her departing back with a remorseful look, and confusion on Greg's face.

23:53 DNA Lab.

"So what was that with you and Cath tonight?" Greg asked looking up from the piece of evidence he was working on over to where Sara was working.

"You know me and Cath." Sara shrugged not looking up. She remembered her little stand of with Catherine in the break room and for the hundredth time that night wondered why she had chosen to come to work to try to escape.

"Still, that looked intense." Greg pushed.

"Nothing I can't handle." Sara told him with a small smile, she loved that Greg worried about her so much sometimes it could feel like she had no friends at all in the lab. Warrick was always good to her and Grissom was always there if she needed assistance, but between Catherine and Nick sometimes there was nowhere to hide. A vibrating on her left hip broke her musings and she reached down to check her pager coming up blank she checked her mobile phone. Although a Strange number greeted her Sara answered any way.

"Hello."

Static and muffled breathing could be heard from the other end of the line.

"Hello," Sara sighed and took the phone from her ear to check connection. "Hello." She tried once more before hanging up.

"Must be a crank call." Sara shrugged at Greg.

"Must really like your voice." Greg smiled as Sara's phone went on once again.

"Well at least I know it's not you." Sara joked as she once again answered the phone.

"Look I don't know who this is but I work with the police so stop playing silly games."

The voice on the other end of the phone chilled Sara to the bone.

"Sara." Lindsey's unmistakable voice was scared and unsure on the other end of the phone.

"Lindsey, baby is that you."

"Yeah."

Sara's heart hammered in her chest at the unmistakable sound of Lindsey choking on the other end of the line.

"Lind's baby where are you? What's going on?"

"The car….. Daddy's car….. there's water in it."

Forgetting the evidence she was working on or anything else in that moment, Sara made her way from the room and found a quite spot just outside the building.

"Are you still in the car baby?"

"Yeah."

"Ok this is really important, do you know where you are?" Sara asked trying hard to keep the panic from her voice.

"No…. please…. the water."

"It's ok baby I'm on my way." Sara tried to reassure the little willow's as she ran to her own car. "Do you know where you were heading?"

"H…h…hospital I think."

"Ok." Sara was relieved to finally have something to work with. "Did you pass any of the hotels?"

"The castle."

"Excalibur did you see; did you see the pyramid?"

"Yeah."

"Ok baby I'm on my way."

00:14 Sara's Car

Sara's knuckles were white as she gripped the steering wheel tight. She ran her conversation with Lindsey through her head, as she speed through the dark Vegas night. The thought of Lindsey being in trouble made her feel sick, the thought that she was there because Sara had played some part in the whole thing made her feel worse. Sara knew if anything happened to Lindsey, Catherine would never be the same again.

She couldn't, No wouldn't let that happen. Sara was at a loss to explain quite when and how both Catherine and Lindsey had managed to get under her skin but there they were, so deep there was no way they were going to make it out. She wasn't sure she knew how she felt about it, having Lindsey as a part of her life was demanding yet totally rewarding, Catherine on the other hand was becoming a danger to her health.

Sara swerved across a lane of traffic as she spotted Catherine's car stopped haphazardly by the side of the road near a brake in the fence by the cannel. Slamming on her brakes, Sara was out of the car and sprinting to the hole before the car really stopped. She reached the side just in time to see Catherine dive under the water at the side of Eddie's partly submerged car. Sara caught sight of Lindsey still in the back of the car banging on the window.

The sight spurred Sara on pulling her jacket off and taking one last look at the water, Sara dove in. All the air left Sara's lungs as she hit the cold murky water. Blocking the cold from her mind Sara moved on just in time to see Catherine and Lindsey break to the surface just in front of her.

"Hey… you two… ok?" Sara asked panic and cold slurring Sara's words.

"Yeah mommy got me." Lindsey told Sara hugging her mom tight.

"Cath?"

"Yeah I just want to get her out of here."

"Ok, There anyone else in there."

"No." Catherine couldn't look at her daughter as she answered the question.

"My daddy's gone?" Lindsey asked looking up at Sara with big tears in her eyes.

It was the look on the younger Willows face that made up Sara's mind for her. In a spur of the moment decision Sara pushed away from the car and into deeper water.

"Sara, where the hell are you going?" Catherine called after her.

"Get Lind's out of the water. I'll see if I can find Eddie." Sara called back.

Catherine watched with her heart in her mouth as Sara's lanky form disappeared under the water. All she could do was pray that nothing would happen to the young lab intern. Catherine couldn't imagine not seeing Sara every day, even if all they do was fight. She had no idea what she would do if she never saw her again. _'God.'_ Catherine groaned to herself as she made her way to the embankment _'Aaron will kill me if anything happens to Sara, _she thought, trying not to think about how she, herself would feel if anything happen to Sara.

Pushing Lindsey onto the bank, Catherine pulled herself out of the water and collapsed on the ground next to Lindsey. Adrenalin had kept her moving from the moment she had received Lindsey's call but that was fast wearing off leaving her cold wet and tired.

"Mommy?" Lindsey shook Catherine a little trying to get her to move.

"Sorry baby let's get some help here shall we." Catherine tried to smile as she pulled Lindsey back in to her arms and headed to the car, trying to concentration on keeping her daughter safe and not let fear for Sara make her do something reckless and stupid like running back into the water to pull the brunette out before making sure that Lindsey was safely put on safe ground.

00:53 Industrial 

With Help on its way and Lindsey safely wrapped in Catherine's extra jacket, she always kept in the trunk, and Catherine made her way back over to the canal. Looking desperately for any sign of Sara coming up out off the water. For the first time in a long time Catherine find herself praying desperately to God, promising anything if He would just keep Sara safe, keep her alive. Silent tears ran down her pale cheeks, she put her hands over her mouth to hold back her sobs, not wanting to scare Lindsey with her tears because she knows that she would not be able to completely comfort her little girl if she was scared right now. She would be too busying slowly dying inside, dying to hear the brunette's husky voice and see her beautiful, challenging eyes. '_Please Sara, don't do this to me…Please don't you dare leave me.' _Catherine whispered to herself desperately, not willing to believe that this is the way things ends between her and Sara.

Forcing herself to not ran down the canal to search for Sara, reminding herself that she couldn't take the risk of leaving Lindsey without a mother and a father. That she was all that Lindsey had left now and that she needed to keep herself safe for Lindsey's sake.

A piece of material caught her eye as she made her way over closer to canal and she bent to look at it, instantly recognizing it as the jacket Sara had been wearing that day, picking it up she pulled it to her face, instantly having Sara's scent fill her nose. Warmth and safety surrounded her and tugged at her heart _'how the hell did that happen'_ she wondered pressing her face deeper in the garment.

A screeching of tires brought Catherine out of her daze and she turned as her name was called.

"You ok?" Warrick asked her as Aaron rounded the car to check on Lindsey.

"I'm ok." Catherine assured him pulling out of his hug so she could look at Aaron. "Aaron."

"Yeah." He answered absently form his spot on the floor where he was checking over Lindsey.

"Sara…." She started then stalled as words failed her, she couldn't find the right words to tell him that his beloved sister had been lost somewhere in the water for well over ten minutes.

"What? What about Sara?" Aaron demanded walking over to where Catherine was standing. When she didn't answer him, just looked back out over the torrent of running water, Aaron paled fearing the worse. "What was she doing out here?" Aaron asked, "And why the hell is she in the water?"

For the first time that night Catherine realized that she had no clue as to how Sara had just managed to magically turn up when she was most needed.

"I was scared. Sara's always brave when I'm scared so I called her." Lindsey told them bursting into tears.

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**Thank you for reading**

**Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Review it would mean so much to me and make the whole writing proses a little easier **


	8. Scared

**See not to long at all.  
**

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8 Scared

01:23 Warrick's Car

"Why didn't Sara come back?" Lindsey asked her mom, tears in her eyes.

Both mother and daughter had been checked and cleared by the Paramedics and now Warrick was driving them all back to the lab. No one had spoken since they had left the crash site and Lindsey was the first one to break the uneasy silence.

Catherine had no idea what to say in the space of a few hours Lindsey had possibly lost her father and a close friend. It didn't help her that her own emotions were battling away inside her.

Eddie had been her husband and the father of her child. He had been a mistake though and she had known that for a while the only good thing to ever come out of the whole thing was the little girl at her side. Still she felt the sadness slowly seeping in. It wasn't so much for the man she had loved or the man he had become but for the life that should have been and the life that would never be. The father that Lindsey would never know and all the moments that she herself would have to manage alone without the little support she would have gotten from him.

Thoughts of future moments brought her mind to the young Sidle sibling. The attraction to Sara had been there from the first moment Catherine had laid eyes on Sara. It had been stronger and deeper than anything she had ever felt. Catherine had felt that alone was dangerous. After Eddie Catherine had promised herself she would be careful not only for her own sake but for the sake of her daughter. Neither of them needed more hurt and broken promises in their lives. Catherine was sure that no matter how hard Sara tried she would inevitably hurt them.

Thoughts of Sara brought tears to Catherine's eyes, having Sara around everyday no matter in what form was ok, it would never be good to see the young woman inevitably find someone to love and build a life with but it would be a whole lot more acceptable than never seeing her again because she died trying to save Eddie.

A gentle hand on her thigh made Catherine jump and she looked down at the hand, it took her a moment to realize that the tiny hand belonged to her daughter.

"Sara will be ok mommy." Lindsey told her in a tiny voice.

Catherine didn't trust her own voice in that moment and pulled her daughter to her resting the small blond head on her own chest.

"She's taking me to the zoo next week she promised and Sara never breaks a promise."

"Never has." Aaron spoke for the first time since he realized that his sister was missing. "I'm the big brother but she's the one who looks out for me and you're right she has never broken a promise so if she said she's taking you to the zoo she'll be there, baby."

Catherine sat listening to Aaron talk about his sister. Why couldn't he stop, he was painting a totally different picture to the one she wanted to build. The one she needed to build if she was going to keep Sara away. The warm caring kind soul that Aaron talked about wasn't what she needed to focus on. The hot headed short tempered moody young woman was easier to keep away. _'The hot headed woman you make her.'_ That little voice told her.

"She said you looked after her." Lindsey told Aaron, leaning over her mom to touch his hand. "You should come to the zoo too."

00:56 Labs

Aaron and Catherine's mobiles rang at exactly the same moment as Lindsey was being questioned. Catherine pulled out her phone and listened to the voice on the end of the phone telling her that Eddie was dead. She pulled the phone from ear and close her eyes, as if not hearing all the words would somehow make it better, or not seeing where she was would somehow make everything that has happen a dream, a terrible dream but a dream where she can wake-up from, and have Eddie alive and Sara ready to challenge her. Opening her eyes for a moment in desperate hope for the dream scenario, she felt her heart breaking all over again as she was force to accept that this was not a nightmare but a reality she would have to deal with. Closing her eyes again but this time she called on all the strength she had to find the right words, to tell her little girl her Daddy was dead. Opening her eyes, locking gaze with her little girl she realized she didn't have to because she could already see the heartbreaking knowledge in her daughter's tearful eyes. She already known her Daddy was gone.

The sharp intake of breath at the other side of the room reminded Catherine that she was not the only one waiting on news that night. She also realized that she wanted to know how Sara was almost as much as she had needed news on Eddie. As a smile spread across Aaron's face she guessed his news had been better than hers.

"They found Sara?" Catherine asked.

"Yeah she's pretty banged up and out of it but she's alive. Eddie?"

"He's not." Catherine broke down pulling her daughter in to her arms.

02:34 Desert Palm Hospital.

Sara slowly opened her eyes and then quickly clamped them shut again as the bright light assaulted her senses. She was pretty sure that she was not in her bed in Aaron's apartment; the sun didn't shine on her bed there. Sara tried hard to pieces together any bits of information that might explain the strange bed and the banging in her head.

"EH!" she groaned as the banging in her head grew, every time she tried to think of something her head hurt more.

"Ever try anything like that again and you will be lucky to wake up in hospital."

Sara instantly recognized her brother's voice and it soothed her. She knew no matter what he said he was the last person who would hurt her or let her get hurt.

"Whatever."

Once again she tried to open her eyes and was grateful to Aaron for dropping the blind over the window.

"Lind's" Sara asked once she was a little more comfortable. When Aaron didn't answer straight away Sara tried to sit up regretting it instantly as pain flared through her head and chest.

"Lindsey and Catherine are both fine." Aaron told Sara as he rushed to her side. "You have badly bruised ribs and concussions so please don't move too much." Aaron half demanded half begged as he ran his fingers through her hair in a soothing motion.

"Memories, huh!" Sara nodded at the room around them and Aaron's hand stilled on her head as their eyes meet.

"Yeah, but this time you put yourself in the hospital." Aaron sighed as he flopped down in the chair and closed his eyes.

"Eddie?" Sara asked trying to change the subject.

"They pulled his body out when they pulled you out."

"He's dead."

"Yeah."

"How's Lind's."

"I don't think it's sunk in yet, she keeps talking about the zoo."

"Yeah I said I would take her."

"That's new." Aaron stated with a raise of his eyebrow.

"We never went to the zoo."

"No we never did." Aaron agreed with a sad nod of his head. "Sar you could have had been killed." Aaron couldn't keep the emotion from his voice. His voice cracked with the emotion of the day.

"I had to try."

"Why?"

"After everything that happened to us it was after dad died I felt like we weren't normal. People looked at us like we were 'those children'. I didn't want that for Lind's."

"Nothing to do with the fact that you're in love with Catherine, then?" Aaron asked and waited for a reaction, Sara laid back and closed her eyes. _'There was no way he could know.'_ She thought _'No way.'_

"Don't know what you mean"

"Ok play it that way. I'll just keep waiting for you to talk to me. I'll always be here you know that."

"I'm scared Az."

"Of me or Catherine."

"Of feeling like this again."

"Doesn't always have to suck."

"She died."

"Cath doesn't have to. Look all I know is you could have died and that scared me to death."

03:39 Labs

Letting go of Catherine's shoulders as he manhandled her out of the interview room Aaron moved to block the door. That way if Catherine went anywhere at least it couldn't be back to assault Candice some more. Not that he really minded, he had wanted to hit Candice himself the moment she had referred to Lindsey as, 'That stupid screaming little brat.' What he didn't need though was Catherine losing her job or worse being charged because she was upset.

"What the hell are you doing? Do you even know where you're at right now?" Aaron asked the still raging Catherine. Under normal circumstances Aaron would retreat to a safe distance once Catherine's blue touch paper had been lit. Today though was anything but normal, he needed Catherine calm and preferably out of his way.

"I've been here longer than you…"

"And you should know better."

"And I wouldn't have to be here if you were doing your job properly."

"There's a difference between me doing my job and you wanting to do it for me. You don't want to get the job done. What you want right now is revenge?"

"What is it with you and your sister, you both seem to think you know what I want? You are going to tell me what I want?"

"Go home, Catherine. Be with your daughter. She's the one who needs you right now."

"You both seem to think you know what's best for Lindsey too."

"Just leave Sar out of this; she's laid pretty banged up in a hospital bed trying to help you."

"Eddie's dead."

"My sister almost died so your little girl didn't lose her daddy. So don't go blaming her."

"Well sometimes almost isn't nearly enough." Catherine said, blinded by anger and pain at everything going on around her.

14:12 Desert Palms

"They are letting you out?"

At Catherine's voice Sara dropped the papers she was holding.

"Not so much as I'm letting myself out." Sara told her once again picking up the papers and turning to face Catherine.

"Do you always have to be the tough one?"

Sara sighed Catherine was obviously there to let of some steam, Sara was just too tired to play silly games. Aaron had already been by to tell her that he had had to close the case without finding the killer.

"Look Cath if you're here to start round number whatever, it will have to wait because I'm really not in the mood. I hurt all over and it feels like I've lived two years in the last two days."

"I didn't come here to fight. I came here to tell you to stay away from Lindsey from now on."

"You are kidding me right? She's going to need everyone right now."

"Not you."

Forgetting the pain she was in Sara walked over to Catherine placing herself in the older woman's personal space.

"Why."

"Aaron closed the case." Catherine told her taking a step back.

"Yeah I know Aaron told me but what does that have to do with me." Sara asked totally perplexed.

"No one will pay for what they did to my little girl, for that I blame you."

"Me?" Sara questioned taking a step back, they had said some pretty hurtful things to each other over the time but Catherine had really hurt her this time. "You're upset Cath. You can't really mean that."

"Don't I? All I can think of is if Aaron had been able to fully concentrate on the case and not worry about you all the time he would have found what he needed. I know he would."

"Cath please." Sara reached out an arm to touch Catherine but the older woman pushed it away.

"Don't you ever touch me." Catherine seethed "And if you ever come near Lindsey again it will be the last thing you ever do."

Catherine waited till she was safely in her car to let her tears fall. The need to have Sara hold her had nearly been to over powering as she had stood in the hospital room. The last few days had finally caught up with her and the thought of having Sara hold her and tell her it would be ok was a nice one. Seeing the young brunette hurt too was a shock, Catherine had not been prepared for the feeling of guilt and compassion that had almost crippled her the moment she had walked into the room. Sara was there because she had tried to save Eddie no matter how foolish that had been. It did not alter the fact though that Catherine had been right Sara was reckless and irrationally Catherine believed that her actions had had a bearing on the outcome of the case.

23:28 Catherine's House.

Sara cut the engine and pulled the keys from the ignition but made no move to get out off the car. Lindsey had phoned her twenty minutes before and she had sounded so upset that Sara hadn't thought twice about driving straight over there. The trouble was that now she was there Catherine's warning was ringing very loudly in her ears. The last thing she wanted to do was cause mother or daughter any more pain.

Sara's first reaction once Catherine had left had been one of anger. _'How dare she blame me for this?'_ Had come tumbling from her mouth as her hand had connected with the nearest wall. The more she thought about it though the more she realized that some part of Catherine was right. Although she know her brother well enough to know that once he was on a case outside influences were something he never let get in his way, her actions must have put strain on everyone.

Running her hands through her hair, being mindful of the spot in her head that had come in contact with the wall of the storm drain she had been found in, Sara sat back in her seat and closed her eyes. Life really was much more complicated since moving to Vegas. Sara opened her eyes sensing she was being watched, the sight of Lindsey at the front door of the Willows' house pulled Sara from inaction. She moved from the car stopping only for a second to lock it.

"Hey." Sara smiled at Lindsey dropping to her knees in front of the little girl and holding her arms open. Lindsey fell into Sara's embrace wrapping her arms around Sara's neck and holding tight. Ignoring the pain in her side Sara stood pulling Lindsey with her carrying the little girl into the house. Once they were in the living room and comfortable Sara sat Lindsey up so she could speak to her.

"Lind's where's your Mom?"

"In her room she's crying and I can't get her to stop." Lindsey told Sara sadly.

"Yeah well it's been hard for Mommy too."

"I know but I get scared when Mom cries like that." Lindsey sniffed pulling herself closer to Sara.

"Ok baby I'm here now so no need to be scared. I'll get you back in to bed and I'll check on your Mom."

"No!"

If it was possible Lindsey pulled Sara closer.

"Ok hun, what is it? I'm here, you're safe." Sara cooed rubbing the little girl's hair in much the same way Aaron rubbed hers when she was scared.

"I can't sleep on my own." Lindsey told her in what Sara was sure was the most pitiful voice she had ever heard.

"Why?" Sara asked though she was sure she already knew the answer. Nightmares had haunted her for years after her father died.

"The car and the water are there when I close my eyes. I scream and I scream but no one comes and then Daddy's there but he won't help me."

"Baby you know it's just a bad dream right, I will always come for you and so will your mom. I can understand you being scared though and I'll keep you company if you want let me just check on your mom."

23:42 Catherine's room

Sara stood transfixed for a moment outside the door to Catherine's room. This was it, the Promised Land. The moment she had often thought of, walking into Catherine's bedroom had always been on her list of top ten things to do before she died. This was never the way she envisioned it though, there was normally her with Catherine and very little clothing and a hell of a lot of heavy breathing.

Heart pounding heavy breathing and sweaty palms, Sara was anything but aroused as she stood on the cusp of Catherine's room. No, if Catherine really lost it with her she would probably be leaving here in cuffs.

Taking one more steadying breath Sara pushed the door open a little and was relive to see Catherine laying on her side, facing away from the door, pushing the door open a little more Sara stepped in the room.

This was the moment under normal circumstances Sara was sure she would have been taking in every single little detail of the room she was in. The color of the walls and the smell of all those things. Not today though, Sara hardly noticed the pale cream walls as she waited with heart in her mouth for Catherine to turn and scream at her.

"Catherine." Sara reached the edge of the bed and called out the older woman's name gently. When she got no reply she listened to the sound of breathing for a moment. Catherine's breathing was slow, even and steady and Sara took that as a sure sign that the older woman had cried herself to sleep. Watching her for a moment Sara decided that she could do nothing for Catherine but let her sleep. Pulling the duvet up a little higher to cover Catherine's shoulders, just to have something to do. Sara left the room silently praying that Catherine stayed asleep till morning.

23:49 Catherine's Living room.

"Mommy's asleep." Sara told Lindsey as she came back down the stairs pulling Lindsey's covers behind her. "I think we should try the same."

"Bad dreams." Lindsey pouted.

"When I have bad dreams do you know what I do?" Sara asked slipping her shoes of and padding over to Lindsey.

"No."

"I get in with Aaron."

Sara smiled a little as the girl's eyes went wide.

"Really?"

"Yeah and I was thinking since we both might have bad dreams tonight we could help each other out."

"You want me to sleep with you so I can keep the bad dreams away too."

"Yeah think you can do that."

"Yeah." Lindsey looked up at Sara eyes bright. "Thank you."

"Thank you." Sara smiled as she laid back pulling Lindsey with her so they could get some sleep.

09:21 Catherine's Stairs

Catherine was caught somewhere between blinding rage and heart stopping love at the sight of Sara wrapped up tight on her couch with Lindsey trapped protectively in her arms. All the words that she had said to and about Sara over the last couple of days came back to her and she had to hold her hand over her mouth to stifle the sob that escaped. For all that she had said and done over the past few days there was Sara, in her home looking after her daughter. The night before came back to her and she remembered crying in her bed and Lindsey coming to her, all she could imagine was that some time after that Lindsey had called Sara.

Catherine didn't blame Lindsey for reaching out to Sara in her hour of need. Catherine realized that she had been so busy trying to deal with her own emotions right or wrong she had neglected her little girl's emotional needs. She needed to make things right, she knew that, she also knew that she couldn't do that if Lindsey had the option of calling Sara every time she felt like it. She knew what she needed to do, all she needed now was the strength to get through the next couple of hours without her and Sara coming to blows.

09:34 Living Room

"Sara." Catherine shook the lab tech gently and then smiled to herself as all she got in return was incoherent mumbling from Sara. Catherine filled that away to keep for another time; Sara was just too cute for words when she was waking up. "Sar." Catherine tried again shaking Sara a little harder, this time she was rewarded by flickering eyes. Pulling out her secret weapon Catherine wafted the coffee she had made under Sara's nose.

"Coffee." Sara cracked her eyes open at the smell and tried to shoot up at the sight of Catherine. Realizing what Sara was about to do Catherine held her hand on her chest stopping the movement motioning to a still sleeping Lindsey with her head on Sara's shoulders. Motioning to the kitchen once Sara had relaxed a little, Catherine stood up, hoping Sara would follow her.

09:36 Catherine's Kitchen

Taking the offered coffee Sara closed her eyes and savored the smell. Although it wasn't Greg's special blend it wasn't the break room sludge and that was all that counted. Sara watched Catherine over the rim of her cup, trying to work out what was going on. She hadn't meant to sleep so long, all she had meant to do was stay with Lindsey while she went to sleep, so to wake up on Catherine's couch with Catherine making her coffee she was sure she was in the twilight zone.

"I'm confused."

Sara wasn't aware she had said it out loud till Catherine laughed.

"No Sara you're not still asleep or hallucinating."

"I just guessed I must be or I'd be out of here."

"I can't say I'm over the moon but I guess Lindsey must have called you and I know it would have been hard for you to say no to her, no matter what I had said to you."

"No I couldn't leave either of you, Lind's said you were upset too."

"Yeah well love him or not he was Lindsey's dad."

"Yeah I know."

"Look I said some pretty nasty things to you in the hospital, you risked your life for Lindsey's peace of mind and I should have been more grateful."

"You were right, I was reckless."

"No, you were brave." Catherine tried to reassure her, taking a step forward and her heart sank as Sara took a step back. It seemed that even if her actions were forgiven, they were a way long way from forgotten. "I need to ask something of you Sara."

"What?"

"I need you to stay away from Lindsey for a while." Catherine asked and watched the play of emotions run over Sara's face. Hurt anger and then finally understanding.

"I guess you two need some time to work things out."

"We do."

"I will always be there if she really needs me."

"I know and she knows that too."

"Can I stay to say goodbye."

"You better, it will break her heart if you were gone without telling her bye."

"Thank you." Sara said sadly and with a heavy heart, she waited to say good-bye to a piece of her heart, hopping that this good-bye was not going to last long.

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	9. No Inbetween

**Here we go folks hope you find it worth the wait. **

**Big big thanks once again to Truth7 all your help is making me grow as a writer.**

**A/N: Being English I know nothing of American Football or the NFL, Big soccer fan me. I apologise before hand for my Football reference I did my best.  
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14:42 Ice Rink

"You looked like a baby giraffe on roller skates."

The young boy laughed holding his side's, eyes leaking with mirth.

"Jeremy Flynn, stop laughing at Sara," Nancy Flynn scolded her son, "No matter how funny she looks right now." Nancy added doubling over with laughter.

"Thanks' Nanc." Sara smiled holding her hand out for Nancy to help her up. "I almost believed you meant that till you wet yourself laughing." Sara told her getting to her feet and wiping herself down.

"Sorry Sar you just look so funny." Nancy told her laughing again.

"Yeah Sar you look soo funny." Lindsey added helping Sara over to the hoardings at the side of the rink.

"Linds, I at least expected you to be on my side." Sara pouted a little and Lindsey just laughed harder. "Well I think I'll just stay here for a while."

"Yeah I would if I was you; Skating really isn't your thing." Nancy winked at Sara.

"Well not much call for it in Tamper Bay or Sunnydale for that matter." Sara pointed out. "Surfing, now surfing I can do."

"You surf." Both children asked in awe and Sara smiled, she might get out of this day with a little dignity after all.

"Yeah Aaron taught me when I was young."

"You have to teach us." Lindsey and Jeremy chorused.

"Well maybe next time we're at the lake." Nancy pointed out coming to stand next to Sara.

"Cath would have to agree." Sara said looking down at Lindsey.

"Well let's not worry about that now." Nancy smiled a little motioning to the children to go enjoy themselves a little.

"Are you really sure this is how you want to spend the day after your graduation." Nancy Asked Sara when Lindsey and Jeremy were out of ear shot. "I was sure you would want to be with your brother, today is about family."

"I'm right where I want to be Aaron was there for the ceremony and I'll see him later at the BBQ. I'm just glad Catherine was ok with it."

"Yeah." Nancy smiled none too convincingly.

"Nanc, she was ok with this right? Because after everything; I don't want to make her more mad at me."

"No, she knows. I couldn't have not told her and risked her hurting you, again." Nancy told Sara cupping her cheek the cheek Catherine had slapped the night of Eddies death. "She wasn't happy though. I don't think she likes that we became friends."

"Are you to kissing?" Jeremy asked matter of fact from beside them.

"No, we were not." Sara laughed "Nothing against you mom mate she's beautiful." Sara smiled and watched Nancy blush. "My life if just complicated enough right now thanks."

"That would be so cool."

"You wouldn't mind your mom kissing a woman?"

"No as long as she was happy I don't mind who makes her happy." Jeremy told the two women.

"Well aren't you a responsible young man." Sara smiled ruffling his hair.

"I think he's right and you would be better than anyone my mom dates." Lindsey laughed.

"Ok enough you're making Sara blush." Nancy teased. "We need to get moving anyway, everyone will be getting ready to come over soon. It won't look good if we're not there."

"Yeah and keep making fun at me and I won't teach you guys to surf."

"You have to." Jeremy pouted.

"We love it at the lake." Lindsey piped in.

"Yeah and I might get that boat for my graduation's gift, the real cool remote controlled one."

"You want a boat, Sar,' we would never have guessed," the three of them rolled their eyes.

14:42 Aaron's Apartment

"Wow, to what do I owe this rather unexpected pleasure?" Aaron smirked, opening the door wide so Catherine could enter his home.

"I need to talk to you." Catherine smiled taking in his half dressed form "Nice chest by the way." She added with a wink.

"Look whatever you think she did I'm pretty sure she couldn't have. She graduated yesterday and has been with your sister all day today." Aaron told her subconsciously folding his arms over his chest.

Catherine couldn't help but laugh, of course if she came to Aaron's house and said she needed to talk to him the first thing he was going to think was that she was once again upset with Sara. The other thing that struck her was the fact that he always defended Sara even during the times when she was as out of line, he had her back, just like Catherine's own big brother had her back.

"For once I don't want to moan about your sister; although, I am here about her.

"Well in that case you better sit down."

Aaron directed Catherine to the couch and headed to the kitchen to make some coffee, Catherine and Sara normally gave him a headache. Once he got the coffee and he had found a t-shirt to deal with his modesty he headed to the couch to talk to Catherine.

"So?" Aaron asked and waited while Catherine gathered her thoughts. He had to wonder what the hell was going on. Catherine at his place wanting to talk about Sara but for once it seemed little sis had been on her best behaviour.

"Today is Sara's BBQ right."

"Yeah Nancy was kind enough to hold it at her place."

"I know, look this is difficult for me to say."

"Look Catherine I know I'm Sar's brother but we're friends and I'll try to be objective, I promise."

"It's not that though it's nice of you to say. Look what do you have planned for today?"

"Beer and meat," Aaron shrugged not really seeing Catherine's point.

"Very special," Catherine smiled. "And just what I feared...Ok second question, what have you brought Sara with the money you collected from everyone?"

"A voucher," Aaron smiled, he was pretty sure that would be ok. His smile faltered a little when he saw the look on Catherine's face. "What?"

"Where dose Sara spend most of her spare time at?" Catherine questioned him.

"At the lake with your sister," Aaron answered and filed away the tension that momentarily crept into Catherin's posture, for another conversation.

Catherine tried so hard not to show that she was bothered by the amount of time her sister spent with Sara. Nancy and Sara had become close friends despite Catherine's best efforts to turn her sister off Sara. "Yeah and what does she and the kids love to do."

"I really must say I'm not too sure. I know they love it there but that's it."

"They race boats."

"Ok so I'm slightly concerned that you know more about my sisters past times than I do." Aaron smirked at Catherine with a raise of his eyebrow.

Catherine wasn't about to tell him that she new almost everything there was to know about Sara, from the way she took her coffee to her favourite past times. She decided to go with her next best explanation.

"She spends it with my sister and my daughter, you expect me not to know what she's doing when she's there."

"Fair point," Aaron smiled deciding that it was probably more than that but he wasn't sure that it was the time to push her on it.

"I want you to decorate Nancy's place. Really make it special and if she ever asks you say it was all your idea."

"Cath, it would mean a lot to her if she thought it came from you."

"I really doubt that and I don't want her to know. Now come on we need to go shopping."

15:32 Nancy's Car

"Wow." Sara smiled with delight at the sight that greeted them as they pulled into Nancy's drive.

"Wow indeed." Nancy laughed as she noticed her house for the first time. "Didn't leave it like that!"

"You didn't decorate it?" Sara asked puzzled as she turned in the seat to face Lindsey and Jeremy. "You two know anything about this."

They both shook their heads and then darted from the car. Sara watched as the two over excited children scampered from the car and ran up the drive at the sight of the decorations on the house.

"So there has to be magic decorating fairies." Sara joked.

"Why." Nancy asked puzzled.

"Well I know my brother and to him taping a few things on a wall is a form of decoration."

"Well let's go find out shall we." Nancy winked at Sara opening her door and following Lindsey and Jeremy.

"The back yard looks cool to." Lindsey informed them as she and Jeremy reappeared from the back of the house. "Oh and I found this." Lindsey told her aunty handing her the envelope she had found on the front door. Nancy took the letter instantly recognising her sisters hand writing.

Nanc,

Look I'm sorry about the impromptu decorating of the house. Since it was Aaron's idea you can rope him into helping you clear up. He stopped by mine today wanting to do something special for Sara and being a man, he had no idea what. We got the guys together and came up with this. We've gone to get ready so we'll be back later. Hope you all had fun today, give Lind's a big hug from me.

Love you

Cath xoxo

"She's lying." Sara told her from just behind her where she had read the note over Nancy's shoulder.

"Really, why would she lie about that?"

"You'd have to ask her," Sara shrugged, burying her hands in her pockets. "I know Aaron though, like I keep telling you, he would've thought of something along the lines of beer and meat, end of story." Sara laughed heading in to the back garden to check out the decorations there too.

15:58 Nancy's bedroom

"Is Catherine bringing someone?" Sara asked trying not to sound like she cared. She was all too aware though that Nancy was one of the few people she didn't have to pretend in front of. It was one of the things that had made them such firm friends.

"She said she might, I didn't want to say anything this morning and spoil your day with Lind's." Nancy looked over at Sara, a pensive look on her face. She had wanted Sara to enjoy her day and she had known that the thought of Catherine having another boyfriend might upset her. She was now wondering if she had done the right thing keeping it to herself.

"Well thank you, but my day wasn't just with Lind's it was with you and Jeremy too. I would have invited the two of you today with or without Lind's." Sara told Nancy pulling a pillow out from behind her on the bed and hurling it at Nancy where she stood in a towel in the doorway of her bedroom.

"My sister's a fool." Nancy smiled. "I'd snap you up in a heartbeat." Just to add to her point Nancy bent down to retrieve the pillow showing Sara just enough leg.

"Tease," Sara smiled. "Look I'm sorry." She added after a beat with a tinge of sadness to her voice.

"What for?" Nancy asked walking over to the bed sitting on the edge, placing a comforting hand on Sara's leg.

"Not being able to get my head round the fact that no matter what I want, your sister will never love me."

"Don't be silly it's not like I'm losing sleep over you," Nancy winked squeezing Sara's leg. "I'm lucky to have you in mine and Jeremy's life."

"I really do love you Nanc."

"I really don't believe you Sidle."

Catherine's angry voice brought both of their attention to the open door. It seemed that they had both missed the sound of the first of the guests arriving. Nancy jumped of the bed holding her towel tighter for a moment looking from Sara to Catherine before bursting into fits of laughter.

"Oh please Cath cut out the dramatics, for today at least." Nancy told her older sister.

"What the hell does that mean?" Catherine asked anger fuelled by the fact that Nancy was siding with Sara, in her mind at least.

"Don't take it out on Nancy because you all upset with me for breathing around YOUR family." Sara stepped into the conversation quickly to defend Nancy. "I have no idea why you even came today if you hate me so much." Sara snapped storming out off the room, slamming the door just to emphasise the point she wanted made and she wanted everyone to know.

16:05 Nancy's back yard

"Aaron, I want to get out of here now!" Sara announced standing over her brother where he sat in one of the loungers talking to Jeremy.

"Sara, this is your BBQ, you can't leave." Jeremy pleaded with his grown up best friend, standing to wrap his arms around her waist pulling out his secret weapon he pouted up at her.

"Please." Sara mouthed to her brother over the head of the younger boy. Any further conversation was cut short though by yelling coming from Nancy's room.

"How dare you barge into MY house, MY room and treat Sara like that. For god sake Catherine, we're not kids anymore; I can be friends with whomever I want."

"Friend?" Catherine scoffed. "You really don't need to be a CSI to work out what was going on in here."

"I don't believe you, Catherine Willows if and I mean if I was screwing Sara it would be none of your dame business. Now would you mind getting out so I can get dressed?"

"Oh so she can see you half dressed but not your sister."

"Well for one thing right now she doesn't make my skin crawl."

Sara flushed bright red looking franticly round the garden. In her rush to find her brother she had paid no attention to the rest of the garden, it was only now with a great relief that she realised that apart from a rather flushed looking Lindsey, the only other person in the garden at that moment was a man she wasn't sure she recognised. Pulling out of Jeremy's grip Sara mumbled something about needing to get something from her car. Just as she passed the patio door Catherine stepped out. Not feeling like she could look anyone in the eye at that moment Sara side stepped Catherine and headed to her car.

16:12 Nancy's Drive

"You ok?" Nancy asked coming out to find Sara where Sara was hiding. So far things were going nowhere near the plan she had had for Sara that afternoon. Nancy was still outraged by her sister's actions. If Nancy didn't know better she would think that Catherine was jealous that it wasn't her getting so close to Sara. Shaking such thought from her head she had to smile at Sara's answer.

"That was the first thing you asked me when we first met, do you remember?" Sara asked looking over to Nancy from her perch on the hood of her car.

"Yeah you were sitting in your car outside Catherine's about a year ago and you had just dropped Lind's home and had a fight with Catherine."

"Yeah you knocked on my window and asked if I was ok. I had no idea you even knew who I was"

"I worked it out from Lindsey's over excited description."

"You must have had a really weird idea of me in your head between Lindsey and Catherine talking about me."

"Well I took both of them with a pinch of salt."

"I'm glad you came over and asked how I was that day. It gave me a chance to meet you. You're a good friend Nanc. I love you."

"Love you too."

"Everything ok out here."

For the second time in less than half an hour they both turned to the sound of Catherine's voice.

"Sara and I are just talking" Nancy snapped at her sister

"Not the only thing she wants." Catherine stated matter of fact.

"Cath, please."

"I'm just saying."

Catherine continued to eye Sara suspiciously.

"Will you mind if I had said that to Chris?"

"That's different."

"Why, because you're the one dating him or because he's a man? Nancy asked taking Sara's hand and walking into the house.

16:20 Nancy's garden

"Wow there really is no in between with you, is there Catherine." Aaron seethed the moment he caught sight of Catherine after watching Nancy lead a rather shaken looking Sara through the back gate. Grabbing Catherine by the arm he stopped her from entering the garden herself.

"Hey." Aaron spun round when he realised he was being spoken to.

"Chris it's ok." Catherine told the man heading towards her and Aaron. Looking him up and down once Aaron recognising the man standing in front of him as Chris Bezich. Great the little maggot who ran the acid drop was trying to get in his face.

"Back of man, I just want to talk to her." Aaron told him pushing Catherine out of the gate and shutting it behind them.

"I really am getting sick of your Dr Jekyll, Mr Hyde rubbish you pull around my sister. I mean for the love of god you came over this morning because you wanted to do something special for her. Now for whatever reason, you seem determine to make her not enjoy this special party that you put together for her. What the hell is going on here, Cath?" Aaron demanded, knowing the answer but wanting Catherine to finally open her mouth and admit that she is at least attracted to Sara and that seeing Sara this close with her sister is driving her crazy. When Catherine stood silently in front of him, stubbornly unwilling to give him any answer, he shook his head at her behaviour.

"You have made her feel so bad that she won't enjoy HER party to celebrate HER graduation. I'd put money on her wanting to leave in the next half an hour." Aaron ranted on, taking Catherine's silence as a sign that she at least knew she was in the wrong. "Well you know what, we don't need you." Aaron told her pulling out his wallet "Or your dame good ideas. Here's the money for the boat and I'm warning you stay the hell away from me and my sister."

With one last look of contempt in Catherine's direction, Aaron took a deep breath releasing it slowly before he headed back into the garden, leaving a defeated Catherine looking at his back with regret.

"You ok?" Sara asked wrapping her arms around Aaron the moment he was at her side.

"Yeah." He reassured her kissing her brow. "So look, I was thinking do you, Nanc, and the little people want to head to Excalibur, my treat."

"Well I for one want to get out of here." Nancy smiled squeezing Sara's hand.

"I'm not sure mom will let me go." Lindsey sighed.

"I bet she will." Aaron smiled.

"What about everyone else they'll be here soon." Sara wasn't sure she liked the idea of just bailing on her friends.

"Hey don't worry about anything I'll sort out it, baby I promise." Aaron reassured her.

16:34 Nancy's front drive

"Before we go I have something for the two of you." Sara announced looking from Jeremy to Lindsey.

"Really cool," Both Children smiled.

"Yeah well I guessed today would be about me and I didn't want you two to feel left out." Sara told them opening the trunk of her car, pulling out two gift bags. Handing one to each child, two very eager children made short work of the wrapping and pulling their gifts out, looking in wonder at Sara.

"Thanks Sar." Jeremy beamed holding his gift in front of him.

"You're welcome, sweetie." Sara smiled.

"Look mom," Jeremy beamed rushing over to his mom. "Montana Grizzlies."

"Although it did hurt me to buy it," Sara teased with a wink.

"That's where I'm going to college." Jeremy announced proudly.

"But Jerry, they don't an NFL team."

"Not like the 49ers hey." Nancy laughed if she had a dollar for every time Sara went on about her beloved 49ers then she would be so very rich.

"Hey don't knock the 49ers." Sara glared turning to face Nancy.

"Why? You're going to glare me to death." Nancy teased bending and walking under Sara's out stretched hand.

"Nanc!" Sara whined and Jeremy Lindsey and Nancy all burst out laughing. "That's it Jerry you're not keeping it." Sara smiled triumphantly as Jeremy's eyes went wide.

"Ignore her, Jeremy; she's just sad because she spent all afternoon on her butt."

"I love mine to." Lindsey smiled hugging Sara. "I can't believe you got me riding lessons, Mom is always saying she'll do it but we never get the time."

16:42 Catherine's Car

"Are little get together always that much fun." Chris smiled as he and Catherine pulled out of Nancy's driveway. At the glare he received from Catherine the smile faded from his face. "So what do you want to do for the rest of today?"

"You do what you want." Catherine told him flatly. "I'm going home."

"Want some company."

"No."

They drove in silence, Chris never quite having the courage to ask what exactly had gone wrong back at Catherine's sister's place.

Catherine was glad of the silence, glad that he neither had the courage or the real desire to know what was going on. Catherine would've found herself at a loss to explain if she had been asked. Her hands gripped the wheel tight, till her knuckles turned white at the thought of her actions. She was no longer sure of what took over her every now and then where Sara was concerned. Catherine sighed she was finally going to have to admit, like it or not, that the thought of her sister being the one to share Sara's secret garden was slowly poisoning her from the inside.

It had hurt her to find out that Sara confided and trusted in Nancy but for a while she had been sure it was nothing more than a friendship that both women clearly needed. Lately though it was more than that, every time she saw them together they were touching, hugging or laughing about little things no one else had a hope in hell of trying to figure out. Then she had wandered into Lindsey's room a few days ago to hear Lindsey and Jeremy discussing how cool it was that Nancy and _'Aunt'_ Sara were falling in love. They had been thrilled because it meant Sara would never leave them.

Normally Catherine would have paid no attention to the secret meetings of her daughter and Nephew but there was something about everything to do with Sara that made nothing Catherine said or did seemed to be normal, anymore.

Still she knew that none of it was any excuse for the way she had reacted or over reacted at Nancy's house today. It was as if her rational side had melted at the sight of Sara in her sister's bedroom with Nancy in only her towel. Catherine cursed herself for not stopping to get the full picture before she had gone off the deep end. Blaming Sara had been a natural defence, even though it had not been Sara she had wanted to yell at. She had wanted to make Nancy understand just how special the woman sitting there with her was and she had wanted to make sure she knew that Aaron would be lucky to get a piece of Nancy, to have a go at after when Catherine was done shredding Nancy, if she hurt Sara.

Pulling into her driveway she cut the engine but made no move to leave the car. Chris looked at her a moment wondering what to say for a moment before he spoke.

"You sure you don't want me to come in."

"No Chris please look I'll call you."

"Sure." Chris snorted.

"I will really, I just need some time and maybe talk to my sister."

Catherine knew there was no way she would talk to her sister today but she really needed to get rid of Chris. He was a good distraction from Sara most of the time but today it was all just a little too raw.

"Ok." He leant over to kiss her and Catherine turned her head making sure he only caught her cheek.

17:09 Catherine's bedroom 

Catherine had thought that a relaxing shower might help after the day she had. Really though, she should have known better. There really wasn't a day that went by now that she didn't step into the shower and automatically imagine Sara was there with her, washing her body with a look of pure reverence in her eyes.

Lying on her bed she let out a cry of pure frustration. When she wasn't fantasising about Sara in her shower, she found herself lying there wondering, what exactly Sara was doing at that moment. It wasn't lost on her that this time it was her own fault that wasn't with Sara to see what she was doing. If she had just walked away, she would still be at Nancy's and Sara would be there, she had to wonder though if what she was doing was actually any worse than being there watching Nancy, Sara, and the children acting so close, like a little family of their own, minus her.

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	10. Someone new

**Another ****chapter for you guy's thank you for your reviews it really makes it easier when i know you guys are enjoying it.  
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16:24 Catherine's Office

Catherine pressed her head a little deeper into her hands and let out a sigh. How the hell had things slipped this far out of control. She knew the little girl she loved so much was still in there but in that moment she didn't recognise her daughter. Lindsey was hitch hiking, mouthing off at her teacher and, letting her grades slip out of control. She had to concede that Eddie dying had messed with the young girl's head in a way that Catherine herself was at a loss to explain. She had though done the right thing in asking Sara to step back from Lindsey. In the eighteen months since her father's death, Lindsey had seemed to grow more distant and resentful towards her mother. In fact it turned out that the only time Lindsey seemed totally back to her old self was those moment she still spent with her Aunt Nancy, Sara, and Jeremy.

"Mom." Lindsey's calling her caught her attention and Catherine turned her head to the side to find Lindsey and Sara standing in the doorway waiting for her to acknowledge them. Looking at her daughter being happy in the company of Sara, Catherine was glad that she had apologize to Sara about what happened in her graduation party because she had hated the uneasy that had existed between her and Sara before the apology.

"I thought you were going to wait out front for your Gran."

"I..." Lindsey paused looking up to Sara who smiled down at her reassuringly, squeezing her shoulder. "We were wondering if it would be ok if Sara drove me to Aunt Nancy's"

Catherine wanted to answer with her automatic response that always came out when it came to Sara spending time with Lindsey _'no'_ she caught the look of pure pleading on her daughters face and the look of hope in Sara's, these two had really missed each other, deeply and in a way she was never going to get. What she was going to have to realise was that this wasn't about her relationship with her daughter, if there was problems in that department than it was because of the crazy hours she worked and the fact that sometimes she just didn't get her mystifying pre-teen.

"That would be fine; as long as you have time, Sara. I know you're working the child kidnap case, your first major case, hey." Catherine added with a half smile and found her heart fluttering when Sara smiled back the first real Sara gap and all smile she'd seen her way in a long time.

"Thanks Cath." Sara smiled before turning to Lindsey prodding the young Willows when she remained silent.

"Thank you, Mom." Lindsey finally added and Sara smiled at her handing her the keys to her car.

"Go wait in the car little bit, I need to talk to your mom. Oh and it best not be pimped when I get out." Sara joked and Lindsey laughed.

"How do you do that with her?" Catherine asked not quite believing the happy young lady who just walked out was the same sullen little girl who had just been brought in by the cops for hitch hiking.

"Well, you see it's simple, I'm not her mom." Sara told Catherine, sitting next to her on the couch in the corner of her office. "Cath, I never have to do the hard stuff, yeah I have to say 'Lind's watch your language young lady' and other stuff like that but you have to pick up some major slack every now and again she's going to push you to see how far she can go."

"Why do you have to be so nice?" Catherine asked tears in her eyes looking at Sara. God if only the brunette could tell how close Catherine was to giving it all up and begging Sara to hold her close and never let go. She had always known she would never last with Chris but she had been so lonely since he had so bluntly signalled the end of their relationship. In truth she had been lonely longer than that and the only person she thought would fill that void was in touching distance.

"Well what would you prefer? That I was a bitch all the time?"

"Sometimes," Catherine admitted, hiding her head in her hands trying to stop her tears.

"I don't think I'll ever get you, Cath." Sara admitted placing her arm around Catherine's shoulder pulling her to her side.

"Me neither," Catherine laughed a little through her tears.

"Look, Cath, I know you wanted me to back off and I have, but if you ever need me to do anything with Lind's.... anything, even if it's just to sit with her while you get a break, I'm there. I know losing a parent is bad it's even worse when you are there in that moment when it happens."

Sara regretted her words the moment they left her mouth. As she feared Catherine cast curious eyes in her direction and Sara stood instantly, putting space between her and Catherine.

"So anyway... I'll get her to Nanc's."

With that Sara was gone leaving Catherine with nothing to do but watch her go and wonder what the hell the story really was with Sara Sidle.

22:12 Ball room

Oh, she had so been looking forward to just enjoying tonight. She had finally taken Sara up on her offer from a couple of weeks back and she was having a night out while Sara was looking after her little girl. She smiled at herself at that thought, in the last couple of weeks it had felt more like Lindsey was her and Sara's daughter and as much as she knew she shouldn't, she enjoyed the feeling. Though she hadn't been spending any more time with Sara, and when they were together things seemed even more tensed after their sort of moment in her office, Catherine felt that where Lindsey was concerned she would never be alone again.

Tonight had just plunged down hill. Grissom had just been called away, though she was pretty sure he could have gotten out of it if he tried. Here, she was left to make a speech about their 'beloved' new assistant director Conrad Ecklie. She looked down at Grissom's 'Notes' and sighed. Whatever Lindsey and Sara were doing she was sure it was a dame sight better than anything she would be doing the next ten minutes _'You're a people person, Cath.'_ She mumbled to herself heading to the stage.

13:32 Nancy's Living room

Sara was pretty sure she had never felt this tense. She stood looking at a photo of herself and Jeremy racing the boat Aaron and the others had given her as a graduation present. Trouble was, her hand was shaking and she thought that any moment now that her image in the photo was going to ask her to put it down because she was making them feel sick. Laughing at herself, she placed the photo back down and placed both hands on the mantel above the empty fire place. Closing her eyes she tried to work some of the kinks out of her neck. Recalling the time she had gotten to spend with Lindsey the night before, Sara smiled a little and relaxed.

She had no idea why she was so wound up. She was only here because she wanted to be because she felt she owed Nancy the decency of hearing what was going on from her and no one else. It wasn't like her and Nancy were even dating, there had been that one time when things had gotten out of hand but they had both agreed that a relationship would complicate their friendship and neither of them wanted that.

Somehow though, telling her that there was the possibility that there could be someone else seemed like she was cheating on Nancy.

"Wow, who died?"

Sara couldn't help but smile at the greeting it had become a customary hello in her time in Sunnydale. Back then though, nine time out of ten someone had, in fact died.

"No one...Yet," Sara joked with Nancy, taking the cup of coffee that was being offered.

"So why the hell, are you standing in my living room looking like you would much rather be tortured with red hot pokers then be here?

"You know I always want to be here, right?"

"Could have fooled me," Nancy told her sitting on the couch patting the seat next to her which Sara took without a moment's hesitation. "So come on, Sar, talk to me."

"So we pulled this case last night."

"I know Catherine mentioned it." Nancy frowned not seeing what this case had to do with Sara's current state of near panic.

"So I got called in this morning and that's when it happened that's when I saw her."

Her, ah now that would explain Sara's nerves. Nancy really couldn't help but smile, really how on earth was she supposed to believe Catherine when she kept saying that Sara was trouble, when Sara continued to be the sweetest person she knew. Not that she would ever tell Sara she thought she was sweet, no Sara would be crushed, she like to pretend that she was a tough guy or girl, in Sara's case.

"So you met someone." Nancy gave Sara a warm soft smile, taking Sara's hands in her own. Sara's words finally hit her and she frowned a little. "You met someone at a crime scene."

"Yeah," Sara smiled before realising what Nancy met and smiled. "She was toting a gun and a badge, hon, she was on our side."

"Oh you met a cop."

"A CSI."

"Oh Sofia."

"You know Sofia."

"No, but Catherine mentioned her this morning when we spoke. Got the feeling she didn't like her much."

"Cath not liking someone, wow, we all know she's a people person." Sara smiled squeezing Nancy's hands.

"So let me get this right...You've been beating yourself up trying to work up the courage to tell me you met someone...Wow... Am I that scary?"

"No, you know you're not but it's us and we're complicated, you know that."

"Sar." Nancy sighed scooting a little closer to Sara on the couch. Removing her hands from Sara's she placed them on both side of Sara's cheeks, holding her head still, forcing Sara to look into Nancy's eyes. "We're not so complicated." Nancy smiled. "I love you and as much as I'd love you to be happy here forever with Jerry and me. We both know that it would never work. I just want you to be happy so if you met someone good; as long as she's good enough for you."

Sara smiled turning her head slightly so she could place a soft kiss on one of Nancy's palms. "I love you too, you and Jez will always be right there at the top of my priority list, you know that right."

"Yeah I always have." Nancy smiled pulling Sara into a tight hug. Sara hugged her tight, hiding her head in Nancy's neck placing a gentle kiss on soft skin before doing her best to stifle a yawn. "Have you even slept?" Nancy asked pulling away from Sara shaking her head a little.

"No." Sara smiled.

"Up stairs," Nancy ordered with a wink.

Nancy stood holding both her hands out to Sara.

13:56 Nancy's room 

Removing her boots and then her pants Sara straight out on the bed, watching Nancy closely as she pulled of her pants and shirt leaving her standing next to the bed in her underwear. Ok so this was just litter weird, here she was, moments after telling Nanc that she had met someone else, getting half naked with Nancy. Thing was, with Nancy it never felt wrong or dirty. Just two friends, who love and trusted each other, being comfortable together

"Sar." Nancy frowned a little when Sara didn't answer. She hadn't meant to make Sara feel uncomfortable. She hadn't really thought about it. They were just doing what they always did when Sara was over and needed to sleep. If Nancy remembered correctly, in all the time she had know Sara the striking brunette had slept in the spare room a grand total of once. "Sara."

"Huh!"

Sara blinked her way back to reality smiling up at Nancy.

"If this is going to make you feel uncomfortable now... I'm sorry I didn't think." Nancy sniffed a little, tears coming to her eyes. Wow maybe Sara meeting someone was going to be a bit harder than she thought.

"Hey."

Sara was on her knees in front of Nancy in an instant pulling her into her arms, peppering soft kisses all over her hair. "Don't cry, please baby." Sara soothed trying to calm Nancy a little. "It's ok I promise, it never crossed my mind that it was wrong."

"I don't want it to be wrong." Nancy pouted a little.

"Then it won't be, baby I promise. You'll always be my number one girl Nancy Flynn."

21:56 Catherine's Office.

Catherine was pretty sure she was developing the biggest headache of all time. She would swear to god and anyone else that would listen that between the two of them, the Sidle siblings would be the death of her. She had no idea why Ecklie had felt the need to give her Sara when she had said she needed help processing a car from an outstanding case. Although she had not wanted to be swing shift supervisor, she had to admit that she had realized in the months since she had been given the post that it did have its pluses. One being the fact that there had been very few occasions up till tonight that she had had to work too closely with Sara. Their relationship was a little better than the ticking time bomb it had once been, though Catherine was now convinced it would get no better than that.

If she was honest with herself then she would like nothing more than to be Sara's friend. Aaron and her had managed to work past their differences and were friends as well as work colleague. She knew though that it would never be that way with Sara, if for no other reason than the fact that she herself would never be happy with just being Sara's friend. Better keep her away altogether than take that chance. Catherine would admit that Sara was a god send where Lindsey was concerned. The little girl was still troubled in some ways by her father's death and Catherine was well aware that having Sara there to confide in was helping the anger issues that had been rising.

She had very nearly given up on keeping Sara at arm length tonight though, and that scared her. Walking into the garage to check on Sara's progress, she had been stopped in her tracks when she had been greeted by sweaty, grease covered young woman clad in dirty coveralls. With her hair sticking to her forehead, Catherine didn't think she had ever seen her looking more beautiful. Catherine was aware of just how much Sara liked to work on cars and the look in those dark intoxicating eyes had drawn her in. The thought at what much more useful things that those gracefully long fingers could be doing had her heart hammering in her chest and her mouth dry with all the moisture heading south. Of course she had managed to pick a fight with her that way surly Sara would never guess what effect she had on the supervisor.

Now all she had to look forward to was spending the night with a pissed off Aaron. She has no idea what his problem was at that moment. She was sure if she wasn't already worked up over Sara, she might take the time to find out, she had the feeling though that this night wasn't going to go well.

23:05 CSI Garage

Sara stalked out of the garage of CSI, lost in thought. It was nights like tonight when she really wondered why she had ever agreed to become a CSI. _'Especially here.'_ She mumbled to herself as she remembered fight ten billion she had with Catherine an hour or so before. Had it really been five years since she had first come to Vegas, she wondered as she caught her reflection in one of the many glass walls of the labs. For a moment she wondered why the hell she stayed but it didn't take long for all the good things in her life in Vegas to come to mind. Nancy was at that moment the biggest. The way Nancy had taken her into her life and made her realise how lucky she was that there were people like Nancy in the world. Sara was also well enamoured with the two little people in her life. She had once said she wasn't good with kids but being around Jeremy and Lindsey wasn't like being with kids and she loved them. Then of course there was Sofia. Their relationship was building slowly which was new to Sara, although she had to admit she liked it. Coffee had finally been upgraded to drinks out on a couple of occasions, and kissing had gone to fully fledged making out to while not sex just yet but that was ok too.

"Yo Sar' wait up," Warrick's call stopped Sara in her tracks. Sara smiled how she could have left some of the best friends ever off her list of good things in Vegas.

"Hey 'Rick what's up?" Sara asked waiting for her older colleague to catch up.

"I might ask you the same thing," Warrick smiled. "Saw Cath storming away from the garage a while back and I know for sure that you were working in there." Warrick elaborated when Sara raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah I pissed her of again, yay me." Sara deadpanned.

"So?" Warrick asked with a raise of his eye brows. Sara thought that Warrick had amazingly expressive green eyes and they almost seemed to twinkle when he was being a little mischievous as he was being now.

"What can I say? ... I'm really sick of being treated like a lackey when I have to team up with her? Hell I know I'm only on loan and she's a supervisor, but when I work with anyone else they still treat me like l was part of their team, not someone lackey, undeserving of respect. Even though I'm a full fledge CSI now, She still talks down to me and today I was a bit childish, probably."

"What did you do?"

"I was working on the car for the Truman case. The car she ordered me to work on and she came for her report. Started out ok but then we ended up disagreeing over something she saw on the report, and I happened to be checking the transmission and it got a little loud."

"You revved over her whole conversation?"

Sara just shrugged.

"You're a brave woman."

"Something liked that. Anyway what is it with swing, first you need me then I hear you can't crack you current case so you need some more sidle magic."

"Yeah Griss, felt bad after messing up one of the bodies we found in tar so he gave us Az. Pretty cool though, he gave us the face of one of our vic's to work with."

"So what you guys looking at."

"We're starting to lean towards domestic violence of some kind."

"Oh."

Sara stopped walking "Know what, I might go see Az while I've got five minutes."

"Cool girl... catch you later."

23:11 CSI Labs

Sara walked as fast as she could through the hall of CSI. She was so worried about her brother that finding him was the only thing on her mind. She was well aware of the reason they both hated abuse cases, it was ingrained in both of them. Aaron though always seem to believe he had to protect others, like if he save enough he might one day forgive himself for not protecting her enough when they were children, and unable to do anything when she was getting abuse. It never seemed to matter how many times Sara told him that she never once blamed him, he never let it go. Sara wanted to make sure he was ok, not being too hard on himself and those around him. Lost in thought she walked through the lab until raised voices caught her attention.

"You can't arrest someone for marrying the wrong person." Catherine's voice was clear and full of anger.

"You would know." She could hear Aaron's cutting come back. She knew where this was going to end if Aaron was half as wound up as she thought he was going to be. She had to stop him before this argument went beyond repair.

"If the guy's an abuser, if he killed his first wife, we will build a case and we will nail him."

"And in the meantime, he can just keep using her as a punching bag." Aaron accused

"Aaron, I was there -- there wasn't a mark on her."

"Not that we could see, Catherine."

Following the voices that seemed to be growing louder and louder she rounded the final corner in time to see Conrad Ecklie step out of the lab at the other end. _'Oh god, this isn't going to end well'_

"You know ... every time we get a case with a hint of domestic violence or abuse, you go off the deep end. What is your problem?"

"Yeah, I probably do, and you let your sexuality cloud your judgment about men, and I'm gonna go over your head."

Sara was torn between wanting to protect her brother and thinking that just maybe that last comment was true, if not a little out of line though considering their location. It really didn't matter though as Ecklie spoke.

"Sidle, Get in my office. Now!"

"So, you're happy now." Sara seethed walking up to Catherine as she watched Aaron and Ecklie leave. Sara had been quick to decide that protecting Aaron always won out.

"What? No way is this my fault, he was way out of line."

"Why? Because he's got your number...ah poor Cath..... did little old Az see through you."

"Sidle, you are out of line."

"Bite me." Sara said turning to walk away.

"Oh no you don't....You don't get to walk away from me young lady."

Sara just ignored her and the fact Catherine sounded like she was scolding Lindsey made her angrier. Heading into the Break-room with one thing in her mind, get coffee and wait a couple of minutes to see Aaron.

"I'm talking to you."Catherine said as she followed Sara into the Break-room.

"Save your breath, darlin', the room is already hot, no need for your hot air."

"God! you're a bigger pain in the ass than your brother."Catherine exclaimed in anger.

"What? The brother that's probably getting his ass ripped out by Ecklie because of you."

"No, because he was out of line," Catherine try to reason with Sara.

"Hey, what's going on around here?" Nick asked from the door way of the Break-room. "I just saw Az being general marshal by Ecklie and now you two are at it. Cath, what's she done?" Nick asked taking a step towards Sara and Catherine.

"What have I done?" Sara exploded, turning so fast to face Nick, she nearly toppled over him. Balancing herself out almost instantly, she took a menacing step towards Nick. Who backed up till he hit a wall? "Should have known you'd take her side Nicky," Sara spat the last word with real venom. Leaning a little closer she lowered her voice. "What exactly does she do for you Nicky that calls for such loyalty?" Sara sneered.

"You're sick" Nick raged pushing Sara hard in the chest to back her off him, Sara just smirked and stood her ground.

"Wow... you really do have him trained well." Sara shot at Catherine with a wink.

"You're fucking unbelievable Sidle." Catherine seethed taking a menacing step towards Sara

"You two my office," Ecklie's icy fire came from the door way.

23:19 Conrad Ecklie's Office 

"What the hell is wrong with the two of you?" Ecklie questioned.

"Ask her." Sara shrugged.

"I mean you and your insubordinate brother."

"Oh hell, you really do have your head up your arse don't you. Two disagreements today both with her," Sara pointed directly at Catherine. "But no it's faulty Sidle genes."

"Very faulty," Ecklie couldn't help commenting.

"Watch it; you don't insult my brother twice."

"No... Well maybe if you two are so close you can join him in suspension."

"Ohhh gee.... a Holiday vacation so soon and a package deal to with my brother? I can't wait! Because I was just thinking I could use one to work on my tan. What do ya' think, Cath? You can put some sun screen on my back?"

"That's it sidle you're suspended."

"That's right, you're the big man. Don't matter she was about to hit me... No, she'll just pop a couple of buttons and smile a little and no one notices that she fuck up too."

Catherine's gasp was all Sara needed to know she had gone too far, just to hammer the point home though, Ecklie uttered four words that brought Sara's world crashing down round her ears;

"That's it, you're fired."

Quick to hide her pain, Sara was straight back on Catherine's case.

"Well done." She clapped sarcastically. "You must be smiling on the inside right now. You finally got what you wanted, Willows; a Sidle free CSI Lab." Sara stormed out off Eckile's office, determined not to let them see how much being fired affected her. With her mouth hanging open, Catherine watch as Sara stormed out off the room, wondering how the fuck did things go straight to hell that night with the Sidle siblings.

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**Thank you for reading **

**Please review =)  
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	11. Grissum Knows

**Another Chapter home you enjoy. **

**It's been pointed out to me that the time code at the start of each section might get a little confusing I've changed them a little so let me know what you think.  
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11 Grisso****m Knows**

Catherine's Office

"Ahh!" Catherine moaned throwing her half empty cup of coffee across the room trying to relieve some of the tension that had grown in her since her 'conversation' with Aaron had happened. Having differences of opinions between CSI's was nothing new, but from the very beginning this had felt different. Catherine sighed wishing she'd had something other than coffee to throw as tiny drops of the black substance raced their way down the wall opposite her.

She had no idea what had just happened in the Break-room, when Sara had implied that Catherine and Nick were more than just work colleague and friends and it had angered Catherine beyond belief. '_Had she really been about to try and hit her again?'_ the thought would not leave her mind and she was so ashamed and sicken by possibility that she could ever cross that line again. Losing her temper like that was never acceptable but sometimes it got so intense with Sara, it had to come out somehow. She wondered what Sara and the rest of the lab for that matter, would say if she chose another way and pinned Sara to the wall and assaulted the younger woman's lips with her had seems pretty sure that a slap had been Catherine's intention and it worried Catherine that Sara instantly thought violence would be the outcome. All Catherine knew was she hated the idea that Sara thought she was that easy that she would sleep with Nick just to keep him on her side. What had happened in Ecklie's office proved her point, Sara's little dig about her opening a few buttons to get out of trouble was maddening and gut wrenchingly painful all at once.

Slumping down in the seat at her desk, Catherine held her head in her hands, running her fingers through her strawberry blonde hair. The fact that Sara knew what to say to get right under Catherine's skin, was not lost on Catherine. It seemed that they had been dancing the same dance for so long they had mastered not only their steps but also each other steps. Catherine tugged at her hair a little as she realised that their current dance was well and truly over.

Sara had been fired, no longer worked for the LVPD. That was big, and she realised that it would change the whole dynamic of their relationship, the semi relationship they had managed to have while dancing their painful dance.

Sara would no longer be a trainee CSI she could boss around to hide her attraction to her. Whenever they saw each other it would be in a casual environment. In truth Catherine was a little relieved, she was getting so tired of having to fight the way she felt about Sara. Take out their fights, when they both said whatever they could to get under each other skins, she had realised that Sara was an amazing person. From the way she looked with smouldering brown eyes and her warm lazy smile that never failed to warm Catherine to the core. Right down to the person she was by being sweet, kind, gentle and loving enough to those close to her, to always keep people believing there was raw power in there just waiting to be tapped into.

Catherine couldn't help but smile a little at the fact that this time they might just have to figure out a way forward because she and Sara certainly couldn't go on like this. That was if Sara ever wanted to speak to her again. She had been so angry, and Aaron had seems to be coming unglue dealing working that case, seemingly determine to prove that their case was more than just about the dead Vic but also about a wife who was currently being abuse. It was like he was seeing signed of abuse, signs that no one else could see; or prove was there. His actions and words during that whole interview with that suspect and afterward gave Catherine a sinking feeling that there was a dark, dark truth behind it all. A feeling that gave her flashback to Sara's comments about losing a parent, all in all it wasn't a good place all these little clues lead her to, she decided.

Aaron's Apartment 30 minutes later

Sara could remember nothing of the drive home and any other time that might have of scared her a little. But at this moment all she could think as she cut the engine and rested her head on the steering wheel was she was glad she still shared a place with Aaron because right now she just wanted to be with Aaron and curl up in bed. No matter how hard she tried not to think about it, today's events just kept replaying over and over in her head. It was like having the worst horror movie stuck on loop in her head, except it was a horror movie that she could not turn off or walk away from because it was her life.

'_God__, you were so stupid.'_ She leaned back in her seat banging the back of her head off the head rest. _'She really hates you now, idiot.'_ Sara sighed to herself. She had to admit when she wanted to she really did have a horrendous way with words, today was a perfect example of that.

Turning her head she eyed the distance from the car to the doors of the apartment. It was something she had never really thought about till that day. Although it wasn't far she was wiped out, her arms and legs felt like lead. Unfortunately there was no way she was going to spend the night in the car and she doubted Aaron was going to come down and carry her up the four flights of stairs. After sitting for a moment longer she pulled open the car door, got out, slamming the door behind her. As she walked across the parking lot, she noted Aaron's SUV was in the parking lot, she smiled for the first time realising that she had had no idea up till that point if Aaron had in fact come home or gone on somewhere else. It was a relief to see his car there, even though that relief was short lived when she noticed Grissom's BMW was parked nearby. _'Great they can both be disappointed with me.'_

Dreading the disappointment she was going to see in their eyes when she told them she was fired, she took the stairs slowly. Unfortunately no matter how slow she took the stairs, she'll still reached their apartment's door sooner than she would have liked, she still needed to prepare herself for their disappointment in her. She pulled her key out of her pocket as she hit the right floor, picking through the bunch as she closed the distance to the door slipping the key in, to release the lock, she push the door open quietly.

"I do remember the looks. We became the kids whose father was stabbed to death. Do you think there's a murder gene?"

There was no mistaking her brother's voice and there was no mistaking what he was talking about, that dreadful unforgettable night their mom stabbed and killed their abusive father. All the air seemed to leave her body of its own free will, how could he, if he was going to out them like that, a heads up would have been nice, and him asking her "okay" before he out them, would have been greatly appreciated.

"I don't believe that genes are a predictor of violent behaviour."

Grissom's very scientific reply only made her want to cry. The man she looked up to almost as much as Giles now knew her deepest secret. The thought scared her to death, in all her life there had been a number of people who one way or another had found out the shocking truth that Sara and Aaron always tried so hard to hide. Out of those people there was only a handful, it hadn't made a difference to, the others had wanted nothing to do with them as soon as they found out, like there was suddenly something terribly wrong with Sara and Aaron because of who they had been unfortunate to have has parents or with what Sara hated most, pity. Sara had never wanted to know which side Grissom would fall on. She had never wanted to take the chance that he might look at her with pity in his eyes.

"You wouldn't know that in our house.....The fights, the yelling, trips to the hospital.... I thought it was the way that everybody lived. When our mother killed our father, I found out that it wasn't."

Shocked at what she was hearing, Sara slowly slid down to the floor, leaning against the door unable to support her body, she sat on the floor in the hall way for a gently rocking back and forth, _'There is no way this is really happening.' _She kept repeating to herself over and over as she hugged her legs to herself tighter. After the shock had left her system, she slowly stood up and made her way slowly to the living room. Her voice was thick with all the tears that wouldn't stop falling.

"You promised." She managed to choke out before dropping to her knees in front of Aaron.

"Sar, baby," Aaron was out of his seat and at his sister's side in an instant, putting his hands around, trying to hug her. She stiffened at his touch, steeling herself for what she was about to do.

"Don't. Touch. Me.... don't you ever touch me. It wasn't just your secret to tell.... you promised... when we were both ready. You lied though..... You lied, Az."

"It's not like that." Aaron tried to get through to her but Sara just pushed away from him.

"I hate you, I don't have a brother." Sara said in anger and pain but knowing deep inside that Aaron would always be her brother, not because of blood but because of how she loves him. But at that moment she didn't give a fuck.

"Don't say that."Aaron begged.

"Sara, please." Grissom tried.

"Go to hell both of you." Sara yelled pulling herself to her feet. She took a deep breath, trying to regain a little composure.

"Sar, we can talk about this." Aaron continued to beg.

"I never want to talk to you again, talk to Grissom.... you seem to like that." Sara spits at him, as she walked to the door; she paused for a moment but never looked back as she walked out off the apartment.

She wandered back down the stairs in a daze; none of it could be real. She kept hopping it was all horrible a dream that she would wake-up from because surely there was nothing in this world that would make Aaron break his promise to her. But sadly Sara couldn't keep lying to herself since she heard with her own ears as Aaron sat calmly telling Grissom all deep dark secret.

Sara's mind flashed back to years ago when Aaron had made a promise to her, _'I never want people to know.'_ A young Sara had told her brother one night about a year after their father had died. Somehow some kids in school had found out and that day everyone had wanted to know what it had been like.

'_I swear Sar__' no one will ever hear any of it from me unless you say so.' _

Sara now realised that it was the promise of a young man trying to calm his little sister. Even though it was the only promise she ever needed him to keep. Others could be broken, you knew they would be even as they were being uttered.... not this one though.... not here in Vegas, where she had left Sara Sidle the victim long behind.

Betties Grill: Seven hours later

Catherine pulled the car to a halt in the parking lot a couple of spaces over from where Nick and Warrick had parked. Pulling her cell out of her bag she checked the display for what was possibly the hundredth time since shift had ended. It sat there mocking her with its blank display, telling her no one had called or texted. She had no idea why she expected Sara to try and contact her, though she wondered if Sara had gone to Aaron's or Nancy's, one of them might phoned her to see what was going on. The longer it went with her not having a clue to where Sara was, the more tensed she became. She had even toyed with the idea of calling Lindsey to see if she knew what was going on with Sara; at the last minute she stopped herself from actually calling Lindsey, realizing that it might seem a little desperate. Out off desperation the idea of phoning Sara herself ran across her mind but she had soon clamped down on that idea. If Sara was still angry then there would be no progress made that morning, except probably set them back farther than they already were from each other.

"So why are we in this out nowhere place?" Nick asked Catherine as she finally made her way over to them and they walked to the restaurant. She had invited both him and Warrick to breakfast that morning, and she wasn't silly she knew all too well that after her run in with Aaron and then Sara both men had felt sorry for her and said yes in an instant. She realised that they were going to pick up on the fact that she had driven them quite a way from their normal hang out.

"Kind of don't want to run in to anyone from the lab." Catherine sighted.

"Well, you might want to pack it up and get out off here." Warrick pointed out, gesturing to the bar where Sara sat slumped over it with a drink in her hand.

"Wow, man she's wasted." Nick chuckled, as they watched Sara down her drink clumsily.

"Yeah...well I would be too; if I lost the job I loved." Warrick commented, heading over to Sara.

"Let me."

It was hard to decide who looked more surprised at her offer Warrick or Nick. Catherine was thankful to fate for stepping. All morning she had been wondering about the brunette and here she was in front of Catherine.

"Shoot, but when she pissed you off, I'll come over." Warrick smirked.

Ignoring Warrick comment, taking a deep breath Catherine strode over to where Sara was propping up against the bar.

"Hey, there."

Sara couldn't even try to hide the groan that escaped her throat. "You're not meant to be here." She slurred and nearly toppled over as she tried to lean away from Catherine.

"I was thinking the same thing about you." Catherine smiled gently pulling her up right. Why did she have this annoying habit of looking all lost and vulnerable just when Catherine needed to be on her game?

"I thought," She paused letting out a bitter laugh "Scrap that... you of all people have probably noticed I don't bloody think."

"Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Oh I don't know... I've managed to lose my job and my brother in one day... I think that is pretty fucked up even for me."

"Aaron...? What happened with Aaron?" Catherine asked leaning into Sara a little, so she could make out Sara's slightly slurred words. When Sara just shook her head Catherine carried on. "Ok why don't I get you back there and I can talk to Aaron."

"I don't have a brother." She told Catherine firmly, standing up, staggering a little. To stop her totally losing her balance Catherine put her arms around Sara's waist. _'Ok girl you're just helping her out, nothing more, don't get excited, she's drunk, and you helped her get sacked.'_

"I can stand," Sara insisted, but made no move to leave Catherine's embrace.

"Ok... Miss. Independent where are you going to go?"

Sara just starred at the ground, without responding.

"Just as I thought," Catherine thought for a moment, she could always put Sara in her guest room but she was sure that it was too soon in the friendship she was trying to build for that. There was no way Sara was going to even entertain the idea of going back to Aaron's, with a sigh Catherine realised there was only one choice, Nancy's. At least there Catherine was sure Sara would be looked after and if she wasn't ready to talk to Catherine she knew Nancy would be there to listen. "So if you won't go to your brother, we'll go to my sister."

"I don't have a brother." Sara stated flatly before bursting in to tears. Catherine pulled her tighter into her embrace, running a soothing hand down the younger woman's back. "Why are you being so nice? I'm a big jerk.... I was so nasty to you." She said crying harder.

"Maybe we should get her out of here." Warrick suggested coming over to them, looking self consciously around the room as several people were beginning to look at them.

"That's ok. We are both out of line most of the time." Catherine tried to sooth her.

"I'm sorry." She said with a tearing smile.

"How can I not forgive that?" Catherine smiled back, kissing Sara's cheek.

Nancy's Front Porch: Forty minuets later.

It had taken both Nick and Warrick's help for Catherine to get Sara in her car and she wished they were both still there to help her get Sara out of the car at the other end. Finally knocking on her sister's front door, Catherine let out a sigh of relief as she manhandled Sara into the porch's chair.

"Cath?" There was no missing the question in Nancy's voice as she opens the door to find her sister standing there. "The kids are already at school."

"That's good...cuz there's no way had I wanted them to see her in this state." Catherine told a puzzled Nancy as she motioned to Sara with a flick of her head, golden hair flowing over her face.

"What the hell?!" Nancy asked as Sara drunkenly smiled up at her.

"We had nowhere else to go. I'd have taken her to mine but…" Catherine trailed of not sure how to finish that sentence. Instead she turned back to Sara pulling the younger woman's hands to get her to try and stand.

"I have no problem with her being here, she knows that." Nancy told Catherine shaking her head at the state Sara was in she could hardly stand. "Why the hell is she in this state?"

"I got sacked." Sara told Nancy rather too proudly with a wide smile. Sisters exchanged glances as Sara swayed between them.

Nancy's Kitchen: moments later.

"Well." Nancy asked the moment she stepped into her kitchen. Catherine was waiting with a cup of coffee and took a moment to sip her drink before she even looked at her sister.

"Well what?" she finally asked not knowing where to even start. It had sting deeply to see the way Nancy cared for Sara, to see the intimacy that they shared. The tenderness she had seen in her sister's eyes as she had taken care of Sara was breathtaking and the gentleness Sara had managed even in her drunken state spoke volumes of their bond. Catherine for the first time that day had to stop and think that maybe just wanting things to be different with Sara was not enough. Sara had to want it too. The thought that someone else had claimed Sara's heart hurt, but Catherine knew before she could even worry about that, she had to be able to convince Sara that they could be friends.

'_Not too much then._' Catherine smirked to herself, shaking her head a little her prospects looked as murky as her coffee.

"Catherine, what the hell's going on? It's barely nine in the morning and Sara's out of it, laughing about getting sacked and I find the most worrying part that she's here. Where's Aaron?"

"He's my next stop." Catherine sighed, placing her mug down she ran her fingers through her hair. "As for where he is, I'm guessing he's at his apartment. There was no way she was letting me take her there though and like I said I would've taken her to mine."

"But....?"

"Mostly I was scared to death she's wake up and bolt and that's the last thing I wanted." Catherine paused letting out a bitter laugh, "But then god knows what I really want." She added looking at her sister with tears in her eyes.

Nancy crossed the kitchen pulling her sister in to a hug. She had come down the stairs ready to defend Sara in whatever Catherine had to say but she suddenly found herself at a loss to put her finger on exactly what was going on. "Come on." Nancy tugged her sister to the living room and on to the couch where they sat, for a moment the only sounds were Catherine's sobs.

"So come on." Nancy tried to coax her sister to talk to her. "Start at the beginning."

"I don't even know where or when it started, Nanc." Catherine shook her head sitting up wiping her eyes. "It's such a mess."

"What's a mess? What happened today?"

"She was sacked."

"Why though and I don't want to seem harsh but why do you care?"

"I CARE because I LOVE HER!" Catherine blurted out to her sister, jumping up to stand just in front of Nancy where she was sitting. Catherine clamp her hand over her mouth, shocked at what had just come out, and listened intently for a moment, the thought of Sara hearing her heart felt confession was a mortifying thought, and now she had to deal with her sisters questions. _'Damm... is there anything more that can happened this week?'

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**Once again thanks for reading reviews always welcome.**


	12. Sofia

**Still own nothing but the laptop I write this on.**

**You guys rock thanks for your reviews they mean so much keep em coming =)  
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"Well I have to say I didn't see that one coming." Nancy had to smile as she placed a fresh cup of steaming coffee in front of Catherine. She had been running her sister's confession over on over in her mind for the last few minutes trying to work out how she had missed it.

"Yeah, messed up or what." Catherine sighed sipping her coffee, she had no idea if spilling all to Nancy was a good idea or not but after her little outburst she felt she had no choice. "What am I going to do? Most of the times she hates me, I've made sure of that. I was so scared of my feelings for her, at first cuz she was too young and there was the small fact that she was a suspect in the case I was investigating. Not to mention the fact that she was frankly an arrogant, know it all brat slash bitch from the start, which made it hard for me to see how she was Aaron's sister. I couldn't understand how some one polite, kind, calm and always there to lend a hand like Aaron could have demon as sister. Pushing her away seemed logical and for the best, so I convinced myself I was right and nothing between us could work. That if I was stupid and blind enough to get with her, it would end in tears, she would only hurt me and Lindsey but now."

"I've assume that little piece of logic not working is the reason you have been a totally bitch to her."

"Yeah, that logic worked beautiful in my head but in practice, it was crap. But I convinced myself so completely that staying away from her was the right thing; that I had to find a way to make it work and being a bitch to her seems to work. It became so easy, kind of like a default setting so to speak. It made it easier that way if I push and she snaps back, then I can say 'oh yeah she's just as I thought.' And at least when we're fighting. She was paying attention to me alone."

"Ok, so that bit's messed up." Nancy shook her head at her sister. When had the vibrant, outgoing woman she knew, turned into person taken to pulling girl's hair in the play ground like a stupid little boy.

"I know and I know what you're thinking, its sick, and I'm a true bitch." Catherine said in a self disgust.

"No, you not a bitch and it's not sick, never that. Look Cath.... we all have our reasons for doing things. I just think you're denying yourself and Sara the chance to try and be happy."

Nancy found herself treading a fine line. She wanted to help her sister out anyway she could, but there was that point that came where she knew she couldn't say too much because she never wanted to break Sara's trust in her. "You have spent so much time thinking about how much she could hurt you, have you stopped to think about how happy she could make you? Look, I know I'm bias because I love her, I think she's amazing and the best thing that ever happened to my son and I. I'd snap her up in a heartbeat but…"

Nancy went quiet, realising that she was treading rather close to said line, the line between helping her sister and not betraying Sara's trust. Looking down at her cup, she swirled the liquid and watched it move dangerously close to the edge of the cup, just for something to take her mind of her slip.

"But...?" Catherine was quick to pick up on the fact that Nancy had stopped so abruptly.

Nancy, not for the first time, regretted having a damm good CSI, for an older sister.

"Is there someone else?...Is that why you two aren't together?" Catherine questioned, heart speeding up at the thought of someone else holding Sara tight, sharing her most intimate thoughts and feelings.

When Nancy didn't answer, Catherine answered her own question sadly, "Of course there is...people as wonderful as Sara don't hang around while you take five years to make up your mind."

"Cath, if you want to know about Sara, ask Sara." Nancy stated, shaking her head a little, she really needed Catherine to understand just what a predicament she was in. Nancy found herself loving them both deeply she was also it seemed the only one aware that both Catherine and Sara were in love with each other. _'God'_ she inwardly rolled her eyes _'if she could only bang their heads together.'_

"I'll take that cope out as a yes... there is someone else. And you won't tell me who either, will you?"

"Talk to Sara." Nancy repeated.

"And say what 'sorry I treated you really bad all these years but I like you and I really want you to be my girlfriend."

Catherine had to laugh at the absurdity of her words and Nancy joined in for a moment before they both sobered up.

"Cath I can't tell you what's for the best. I love you and I want you to be happy, only you and Sara know the extent of the damage you have both done to your relationship and only you two can do anything about it." Nancy advised Catherine, hopping that Catherine would hear her silent urging to take a chance with Sara.

"Well I'm not asking you to bring her home or tell me where she is, just if you see her I need to know she's ok." Aaron tried his hardest not to shout into the phone before hanging up on Greg, with a massive sigh. Dropping the phone on the table, he flopped down on the sofa, covering his face with his hands.

_%%%  
_

"I'm sure she's just fine."

"Where is she just fine, Griss, where?.... She isn't with Greg, 'Rick or Sofia. Nancy really wouldn't tell me if she was sitting next to her at the time and Sara won't answer her phone so where is she just fine?"

"I don't know." Grissom admitted squeezing the bridge of his nose; he really could see himself developing a migraine before the day was out.

"No, well until I do, I won't be calming down. I mean if anything has happened..." Aaron couldn't even finish the thought, losing his sister; his baby sister would be the end of him.

"Aaron, this isn't your fault."

"No, why else did she run out of here?"

"You have a right to confide in someone."

"Like she said though, it wasn't just my secret to share. I should have spoken to her first. You haven't had to live our life Griss, trust is all we have and I broke it with you, of all people."

"Me? Do we have a problem?"

"She loves and respects you Griss and she would never have wanted to you know."

A loud banging on the door interrupted their conversation.

"Let me get it." Grissom said with a restraining hand on Aaron's shoulder.

After her long talk with Nancy, Catherine had just needed to get out for a while. After discovering that Sara already got clean clothes at Nancy, and with no other reason to leave forth coming, Catherine had suggested that she go talk to Aaron try and see if she could find out what was going on and at least let him know his sister was safe.

She was sure that Nancy was more than aware of the fact that Catherine just didn't want to be in the house when Sara woke up. Catherine's emotions were just too raw at that moment to face Sara and not say something she would regret one way or another.

Catherine was just about to raise her hand to knock once again, when the door to Aaron's apartment swung open.

"Look I know you prob…. Gill!" Catherine blinked furiously just to make sure she was seeing straight.

"Ah Catherine, this really wasn't a good time."

"Good, she didn't catch you two together, did she?" Catherine had to chuckle at the absurdity of the situation. Then something of hit her what if Sara had, what if Grissom was the one Sara liked or was even dating and she had caught Aaron and Grissom together. _'No I'd know... right... Gill's my best friend'_ Catherine shook her head she needed to get a grip, _Gill was not in a romantic relationship with Aaron_, admonished herself.

"What!" Grissom's eyebrows raced to meet his hair line at Catherine absurd comment.

"Catherine, what the hell are you doing here?!"

"As I planned to say before Griss, here had opened the door; I'm sure I'm the last person you want to see but I just thought you might want to know Sara is ok."

"Sara?"

"Yeah, your sister or does this renouncing thing go both ways?"

"Renouncing?" Aaron asked confused, thinking this conversation was going nowhere fast.

"Yeah, she didn't have a brother before she passed out."

"Passed out?" Out of confusion Aaron kept repeating Catherine.

That was it, Catherine was sure the place had an echo.

"Yeah, drunk as a lord."

"God she's been drinking?"

"Yeah, but she's had a hell of a day." Catherine told them, inviting herself in finally, barging past the two figures at the door.

"Did something happen after I left?" Thinking that there must be more going on with Sara, than finding him telling Grissom their secret.

"You really don't know? ... Wow you two really must have had a hell of a row."

"What happened, Catherine?" Aaron demanded standing directly in front of Catherine, getting a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that Catherine's answer was not going to be good.

"She was sacked."

"What!" both men exclaimed.

"Look, long story short when she gets going she can be even more disrespectful than you. Lucky for her she's a cute drunk."

"I should go see her." Aaron was on his feet in an instant grabbing up his jacket.

"Not right now. I really don't think in the state she was in, you are going to bring out the best in her. Just know that she is safe."

"You know her so well all of a sudden." Aaron spat sarcastically.

"No... You'll always have the monopoly on knowing her best. But I'd say when the woman you spend most of your time fighting with curls up in your arms and cry's herself to sleep after puking all over herself... You know she isn't in a right state to deal with anything tonight."

That took the wind out of Aaron's sails a little and he threw his jacket with venom on the floor. He stomped over to the balcony pulling the door open and stepped out.

"Five years ago on the balcony I convinced her that if she stayed here in Vegas with me she would be safe I'd look after her. God I wish I hadn't. Where is she, Cath?"

"I can't tell you that."

"With Nanc, then I take it."

"Aaron leaves it, leave her. Let it rest a while... rushing in there won't change anything and it might even make it worst."

"Why the hell should I take advice on Sara from you?" Aaron sneered in Catherine's decision, hating the fact that the woman who was constantly causing his sister headaches, was now advising him on how to deal correctly with her.

"Because I might not know Sara as well as you but I do know how a pissed off Sara is most likely to react. I bet I've deal with a pissed off Sara more times than you and take my advise; a pissed off Sara equal a Sara you stay away from unless you want to make the situation worst.

%%%

"Where do you think you're going?" Nancy asked as she watched slightly amused as Sara tried to roll herself out of the bed in her spare room.

"I'll just get out of your way." Sara said with a proud smile as she stood only to fall flat on her face, when she took a step forward.

"Not so fast.... I don't think." Nancy said helping her to her feet. "When the hell have you ever been in my way?" Sara didn't answer; Nancy pulled her closer wrapping Sara in her arms. "Anyway where would you go?"

"Oh I'd find somewhere." Sara smirked.

"I take it that means the nearest bar."

"What if it does?" Sara said defensively.

"Sar, baby, what are you trying to do to yourself?"

"I don't know anymore." Sara let out a pitiful sigh and flopped back down on the bed. "I kind of remember Cath being around. She didn't see me get sick, did she? Of course she did because it would be too kind for her not to have."

"Sorry, Sar but she was the one who brought you here and helped sort you out."

"God I was crying like a baby, wasn't I?" Sara pouted covering her eyes with her arm.

"She didn't seem to care." Nancy bit her tongue; it was going to be hell all over again trying not to tell Sara too much.

"Is she still here... oh I bet she is just waiting to rip me a new one. I take it I still have clean cloths here. I'll just get changed and I'll get out of here."

Nancy didn't answer for a moment. She wasn't sure how to tell her Catherine had in fact left to visit Aaron.

"Ok, Nanc, spit it out. I can take it." Sara said prompted by the strange look that crossed Nancy's face after her last comment about Catherine.

"She went to talk to Aaron." Nancy said quietly, waiting for Sara's reaction to that little piece of news.

"Where's my cell?" Sara demanded in a tone Nancy had never heard Sara use with her before.

"By the bed Sar', what's up?" Nancy asked, not liking Sara's reaction.

Sara couldn't quite see the numbers on her phone _'shit I really did drink a lot'_ closing her eyes she hit what she prayed was the right speed dial. She waited for a moment, her heart pounding while she waited for the other person to pick up.

"Sidle."

"Look, I know she's there and I'm begging you not to tell her, please." Sara begged desperation.

"Sar' Jesus!!! Are you ok?"

"Just tell me, what did you tell her?"

"Nothing, she left about five minutes ago."

"Please don't tell her." Sara kept begging, it was bad enough to have Grissom know, she never wanted Catherine to know Sara was sure Catherine would either use it as weapon to hurt her or look at her with pity in her eyes and Sara wanted neither of those things to happen.

"Is that what you think of me now?" Aaron asked sadly.

"I don't know... look I'll see you around." Sara said calmly, hating the distance she felt between herself and her brother at that moment.

She snapped the phone shut, turning it off. That was probably the strangest conversation she had had with her brother. Was that really what she thought of him now? She actually had no idea any more. She needed time to think about that...needed to be sober.

"I don't expect you to lie to him but I won't speak to him." She told Nancy when she found her looking in her direction.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"He broke the only promise I ever needed him to keep. God.... I'm having a bad day. Look I'll calm down, we'll talk, and might even get through it, just not right now." Sara replied to Nancy, hopping that Nancy would accept the fact that she just couldn't deal with anything right now and that included talking about what happened today.

"What about Cath?"

"Well, lucky for me, I never have to see her again."

"Would you just give her a chance?" Nancy found herself in the unlikely position of trying to champion Catherine cause in a conversation with Sara.

"Look I can't give her chance after chance Nanc... My heart is on the line with her, we both know she hates me."

"How do you know that?"

"Well I can't speak for her, Nanc, but her action speaks loud to me." Sara shook her head, she really needed to sleep some more but she couldn't face the thought of Catherine being there when she woke up. That was a conversation she felt she might never be ready for.

"What her actions tell me is that she hates me. But it's cool because bitching at me is the only way I'll ever get a woman like Cath to be near me. Present company excluded." Sara added with a cheeky smile.

"God, Nanc she is so out of my league, it's scary. She's really, truly beautiful, inside and out, despite her moment of bitchyness. Her hair is a shade I've never saw before, it looks so soft... God I'd give my right arm to see if it really is as soft as it looks. Those eyes, they really are the most amazing blue, ever and do you know they change shade depending on her mood; they get really dark when she's mad and the lightest shade of blue when she's happy. God those lips combine to make a smile... a smile that can steal my breath in a heartbeat. The fire, passion she brings to her work, the way she is in those few unguarded moments I get to see her with Lind's are just truly treasure moments." Sara explained dreamily, unguarded in her description of Catherine, seeming to have forget that Nancy was even in the room with her, voice soft lost in her head Sara continue her observation of Catherine

"She takes cream and two sweeteners in her coffee; she likes whole meal bread, loves crappy soft rock, hates to be the passenger in a moving car, hates the way Hodges sucks up to her, loves it when someone else gets her trace reports from him. She has pictures of everyone but me in her locker; I personally love the one of her and Lind's on the beach. She has at least thirty pairs of shoes and experimented with a curl in her hair but seems to have finally decided she likes it straight. "Sara slowly sat on the bed as she finished telling Nancy of her observation, feeling like a weight she had been holding was finally put down.

"I love her, and she thinks I'm lower than low so if I can get her to yell at me then I will because she sure as hell won't talk to me." Sara said softly and quietly, unable to hold back the last piece of her confession from Nancy, covering her eyes with her hand, cause she didn't want to see the pity in Nancy's eyes or worst, the disgust, because how could she love a person who has taking every opportunity to hurt her. Hearing only silent after confession, Sara decided to take a chance and look at Nancy. When she looked at Nancy, she didn't see disgust or pity but understanding instead and something else on Nancy's eyes.

When Nancy saw that Sara was ready to hear her, she said softly, "You can't keep all that inside Sar, one day you'll burst."

"Try being in love with your worst enemy for five years, it wears you down. I just need some clothes and I'll be out of here before she gets back."

"Why don't you wait and talk to her." Nancy advice, hopping that Sara would take her suggestion.

"No, no way will I tell her that I love her... So that she can call me a sick stalker and, have me arrested. Please Nanc, you promised to never push me."

"Do you know what she will do to me when she gets back if you're not here tucked up sleeping it off." Nancy tried the guilt card. If she could just get these two to talk to each other she might just get them to admit their feelings.

"Nanc, we both know she really won't give a damm. Look I'm cool... she really don't like me, ok and I'm learning to live with it. I lost my job that's gonna be cool too, it just means that I can travel again, meet up with my friends, I'm really beginning to feel that I should have never come in the first place."

"Course you should've, you part of the family. We love you Sar, always remember that."

%%%

Sara stood nervously shifting from one foot to the other just outside Catherine's office trying to work up the courage to knock on the door it had taken her three days to get this far.

"Just knock for the love of god." She mumbled to herself tapping, gently on the door before she chickened out.

"Come in."

She heard Catherine's reply from behind the closed door; she pushed the door open but made no move to enter. She wasn't sure Catherine would want her too if she saw it was her.

"Oh... hey," Catherine smiled sweetly at her as she caught sight of Sara in her door way. She watched as Sara bowed her head with a shy smile. Catherine had wanted so badly to see Sara since the morning at Nancy's. She had just never found the right moment or the right words for that matter to go to her. _'Well hell, we're not yelling at each other, this is ok... I think.'_

"Hey I was in the building and I wanted to stop by." Sara told her a complete lie. It was more the other way round she had wanted to see Catherine and it just so happened that she needed to come back to the lab as well.

"Yeah," Was all Catherine said, she waited for Sara to continue.

"Yeah I've been thinking a lot and I wanted to say thank you. I mean you had no need to even come near me the other day but from what I remembered and what Nanc tells me, you were great and I wanted to let you know that I appreciated it. Thank you."

"Well you're more than welcome." Catherine paused for a moment. She had promised herself that if she had a chance to talk to Sara she would try her hand at a proper heartfelt apology. "Sara, would you come in and shut the door for a moment. Please." Catherine had to smile at the look of terror that flashed over Sara's face.

Sara stepped in closing the door behind her but hang back, near the door for a quick getaway.

"Look I know I can be a complete bitch where you're concerned and I need to work on that but I had no right to treat you like you were less of a person or less than a CSI than the others."

"I can give as well as I get. But thank you, it means a lot. While we're saying sorry...I wanted to apologize also. I was out off line the other day and I know I said sorry when I was drunk... but hell drunken apologies don't really mean a whole lot. So I'm sorry I was offensive and out of line."

"Truce, then." Catherine suggested.

"Let's just see what happens." Sara smiled her first real smile in days. "Look I should go now."

"You were emptying your locker?"

"Soon," Sara sighed with a little nod of her head. "Ecklie wanted to speak to me, said it was in my interest to come."

"Cryptic."

"Yeah well that's the boss man."

"Look for what it's worth, I tried to put in a good word with Ecklie for you."

"Thank you... that means a lot," Sara said sincerely, pausing for a moment, really wanting to find something else to say to make the moment last. Sara realised that this could be the last chance she got to be around Catherine for a while. She wanted to make the moment last for as long as possible. "Hey I should go."

'_Not that though!'_

"Ok." Catherine told her as she watched Sara turn to leave, hating that Sara was going so soon.

"I really am sorry." She said once again, turning after she'd taken a couple of steps and opened the door. "I mean you'd only have to pop one button to get the old creeps attention." She added with a teasing smile, letting Catherine know she wasn't being truly serious.

"How many will get yours?" Catherine asked with a slight smile in a light tone.

'_Whoa I didn't just say that out loud did I shoot play it cool Cath play it cool!'_Catherine really hoped she wasn't blushing.

'_She can't be flirting with me__, can she?'_ Sara thought momentarily stunned.

%%%

"None, you just have to walk into a room." She flirty answered back, blushing a little. "And now I really am leaving."

If anyone had ever asked if she was feeling uncomfortable in her chair and needed to stretch her legs and that was the only reason she found herself heading to the locker room during shift. Only under pain of death would she be force to tell them the truth which was that she was going there hopping that Sara was still around. She could not even begin to explain how much she wanted to see that gap tooth smile directed at her one more time.

"Hey, again," She smiled, her heart racing at the mere sight of Sara. She took a step towards Sara when she didn't even look up at her. "You ok?" Catherine questioned taking the younger woman's posture. She looked upset and Catherine wanted to be able to just walk up to her and pull Sara in to her arms. She realised though that there friendship was still no where near stable so she opted to stay still.

"I really shouldn't be talking to you. Really sucks I thought you were actually being nice to me earlier. I was so happy to think that we were ok, that we could be friends...who was I kidding. I really should have known you were just sucking me in. _'Put in a good word.'_" Sara mocked Catherine's earlier words. "Yeah right... was that before or after you lodged a complaint." Sara moaned pushing past Catherine out of the Locker room. "Well you must be as disappointed as Ecklie that the Sheriff wanted me reinstated."

Catherine was momentarily stunned by Sara's outburst and it took her a moment or two to reach out for the younger woman's arm and stop her from leaving. "I have no idea what you are talking about." Catherine said, realising that it was going to take a more than one apology to make Sara believe that she had changed.

"Whatever." Sara fumed trying to pull her arm free.

"Sara, I mean it." Catherine said holding Sara arm tighter as she went to pull away.

"Let go of me." Sara demanded.

"No not till you talk to me." Catherine hopped she didn't sound as desperate as she felt in that moment.

"I can't, weren't you listening. If you don't let go even the Sheriff won't be able to save my job."

"What happened?" Catherine asked looking both ways down the corridor before dragging Sara into the locker room.

"Dreams do come true." Sara muttered under her breath.

"What?" Catherine turned to Sara trying to make out what she had said.

"Nothing," Sara lied blushing, Catherine took in the flush on Sara's cheeks but decided this was not the time to call her on it.

"What happened with Ecklie?" Catherine asked again.

"I got my job back." Sara shrugged.

"That bit I got. But what does any of that have to do with me and a complaint?"

"You really didn't say anything to him." Sara was suddenly confused, she had been convinced that it must have been Catherine... ok so she really was going to have to work on the whole trusting Catherine thing.

"No." Catherine said with great conviction arms folded across her chest.

"Really?" Sara asked but did not receive an answer, Catherine just stared her down. "Then I'm truly sorry." Sara sighed passing her hands through her hair. "When Ecklie said I was not to be alone with you unless a case directly called for it, I just got mad and assumed it was because you had gone and made a complaint against me."

"He said what?" Catherine fumed.

"So you really didn't know?" Sara asked, glad that Catherine not made the complaint.

"No and he had no right to say that, Sara. You have never intimidated me and I know you'll never hurt me."

"You intimidate the hell out of me." Sara smiled.

"Wus," Catherine teased.

"I prefer the term sissy, please." Sara shot back.

"So who do you think made the complaint about you?"

"Nick." Sara said without need to think about it.

"I will talk to him."

"Thank you."

Catherine's reply was cut off by the door to the locker room swinging open.

"There you are." Sofia Smiled at Sara as she stepped into the room. "I've been looking all over for you." _'You have shit timing 'Fia, look Cath and me are talking, not fighting.'_

"Sorry, got caught up here with Catherine." Sara replied to Sofia, stilling keeping her eyes on Catherine.

"That's ok, so how did it go." Sofia said, looking at the two women, feeling the tension between, but not sure what type tension it was.

"Got my job back," Sara threw Sofia her patented lopsided grin and Catherine was dismayed to see desire flash in the younger blonds eyes. _'She can't want my Sara.'_ She sighted _'Not my Sara never going to be my Sara."_

"That's good." She said looking at her watch. "Couple of hours till shift starts we could get a coffee or something to celebrate."

"'Fia we've been dating a while now. I think it's time I show you my stamp collection." She winked.

"Stamps? Does that ever work?" Sofia flirty back, loving Sara's attention.

"Ask me in a couple of hours." She laughed walking over to join Sofia. "Hey, Cath, I'm really sorry."

"That's ok, go, have fun." Catherine tried not to let her jealousy show.

"I will."Sara winked letting Sofia lead her from the room.

'_That's ok.' _Catherine tried to convince herself _Doesn't hurt in the least'_ She told herself sinking down on to the bench holding her head in her hand and letting the tears fall.

* * *

**I know i'm sorry but keep with me i have a plan i promise.**

**Thanks for reading let me know what you think =)  
**


	13. Ask The Red Head

**Two chapters one day you love me right?  
**

* * *

Sara rolled over to hit the annoyingly buzzing clock that was going off near her ears. The buzzing sound had been a constant for the last few minutes and when it became abundantly clear that no one else was going to stop it, she had relented.

"Thank god," Come the muffled sigh from the mop of blond hair on the pillow next to her Sara rolled over once more placing a kiss on the head of hair. It wasn't the head of hair she had dreamed of waking up next to since she moved to Vegas but she was in no position to complain.

"'Fia, it really wouldn't hurt you to stop it."

"Would have," Sofia huffed, blowing some of the hair from her face. "I would have had to move." Sara helped Sofia with her battle in pushing some stray of her bangs from her face and tucking them behind Sofia's ear.

"You need less hair or bigger ears." Sara teased as Sofia's hair fell back over her face.

Sara scooted up the bed, resting herself against the headboard. Sofia followed her movement and then moved to straddling her thighs.

"We should get up." Sara said half heartedly, placing her hands on either side of Sofia's face, pulling her in for a kiss. She pulled Sofia bottom lip into her mouth, racking her teeth along it. The answering groan was swallowed by their kiss. Sara trailed her hands down Sofia's arms letting them rest on her hips, pulling the blond flush to her body.

"Get up, huh." Sofia panted as they rested their foreheads together.

"Hell no," Sara growled flipping them so she was pinning Sofia to the bed.

An hour or so later after finally getting showered-cue more hot sex in the shower- they sat together eating breakfast.

"How long have you lived here now?" Sofia asked eyeing the still packed boxes that covered most of the floor.

"About six weeks you know that. And in my defence I spend a lot of my time at Az's or at yours."

"Well at least you and Aaron are speaking now- it was sad and weird when you guys weren't."

"Yeah- well I can't stay mad at Az. It's not in me and well he had a right to talk to Griss."

"Never going to tell me what that was about are you?"

"One day." She smiled clearing, their plates taking them to the kitchen. Sofia came up behind her in the kitchen wrapping her arms around Sara from behind, kissing her between the shoulder blades.

"What's that for?" She asked turning into Sofia's embrace.

"For that one day." She told her, laying her head on Sara's chest. "And I know you're very confused now."

"Very." She smiled kissing the top of Sofia's head.

"Well I kind of thought that I wouldn't be around one day."

"Why not?" Sara asked, really confused now. She pulled away a little so she could look into Sofia's eyes.

"Catherine."

"Cath? What has she got to do with anything?"

"With you baby- everything."

"I don't like this conversation. I have no idea what's going on in it."

"You love her."

"Well I thought I was falling for you."

"Are you?" Sofia asked raising her eyebrow.

"Yes." Sara told her pulling Sofia closer.

"If you say so," Sofia replied softly, clearly unconvinced.

"I do." Sara firmly assured her.

Sara sighed inwardly; her life seemed so much more complicated as the years rolled on. Here she was wrapped in the arms of an amazing woman who any normal person would probably die to get close to. Although she believed that her feelings were quite normal because as much as she found herself wanting to be with Sofia, she couldn't lie to herself and claim that she didn't want Catherine more, always. Even thought those feelings were normal, she still didn't like them.

Sofia wasn't naive, even if Sara wasn't admitting it to herself, on some level Sara was very much in love with the Strawberry blond. Sofia had know it before she had ever asked Sara to stay the night with her, and she was aware that at some point they would come to an end. But knowing that sooner or later, her relationship with Sara would end didn't make her want the brunette any less. She decided before Sara even said yes to their first date, that she would just enjoy her time with the brunette and not worry about when the relationship would end. Sara was the most amazing woman she had ever met, so whatever pain she'd feel when the end comes, would be worth the time she spent with beautiful brunette.

%%%

"So," Aaron said pointedly at his sister as she jogged into the Break-room, just making the start of shift on time.

'_Have we ever done it on the kitchen table?' Sofia had asked her in what she was sure was a bid to lighten the mood and she was very happy to indulge in the distraction._

"What?" She shrugged, grabbing a coffee sitting next to her brother "Car trouble." She told him just in time to see Grissom walk through the door. "What?" She questioned again when Aaron just continued to stare at her.

He leant forward, placing a hand on Sara's cheek just under her right ear. "Lip stick."

"Ah." She smiled wiping at the spot Aaron had just touched.

"Sofia?" Aaron questioned.

"Look I know you don't like her much."

"Well on a plus side she is better than Faith."

"That's not a glowing recommendation."

"I know and I know you and she's not your normal type."

"Why? because, she doesn't kill with her hands?"

"Well yeah, there is that."

"I know it just happened and but it's nice."

"Nice."

"What do you want from me?"

"The truth,"

"What?"

"Tell me about Cath." Aaron really wanted to know, he still felt a little out of his sister's life after their recent fight. He knew that Sara would always be keen on Catherine he just wanted to know where Sofia fitted into all this.

"Nothing to tell," She groaned _'Why does everyone want to talk about her.'_

"Hey guys." The object of their conversation walked into the Break-room.

"Hey, Catherine," Sara said, not looking up. Aaron got up, walking over to the blond pulling her into a light hug.

"Hey Cath, you ok?"

"Feeling better thanks, last night was fun."

"Last night was what?" Sara asked looking from Catherine to Aaron nearly choking on her coffee. Red in the face and gasping for air she waited for clarification.

"Oh please get your mind out of the gutter." Catherine teased.

"You seriously don't want to know where my mind is." Sara smirk, regaining control of herself. Their light flirting was disturbing her and she was glad when it was cut short by Grissom clearing his throat, ready to start the shift.

"Sara I want you with me, we're going to be looking at the Granger case."

"Cool, ladies I'll see you later." Sara smirked at her brother's pout.

"Promises," Catherine called out watching Sara leave.

%%%

"One minute I promise." Sara smiled at her boss walking inside the room, before turning to face Sofia. "So baby- you came to try out the interview room tables too." Sara smirked.

"Just get in there and do your job hot shot and don't be too cocky, just because I'll be watching." Sofia told Sara before kissing her cheek. Sara winked before turning and walking into the room.

"Mr Novak, my name is Gill Grissom, this is Sara Sidle and we are both with the crime lab."

"And I'm detective Vega." The detective finished the introductions.

"Was it necessary to show up at my office? Try the phone. I'm an officer of the court."

"Mr. Novak ... do you recognize this telephone number?" Grissom asked, ignoring Novak outburst.

"That's my work number."

"Did you write it on the matchbook?" Sara asked, speaking for the first time. She had been sitting back trying to work out just what it was that had made her instantly dislike this man.

"I may have. What's this about?"

"A homicide--That matchbook was found in a dead woman's pocket." Vega informed him.

"Is this the only evidence linking me to the victim?" Novak asked casually.

"This will go much easier if you just answer our questions." Vega shot back.

"Oh, yeah? -- Easier for whom?"

"Why didn't you write your name on it?" Sara asked

"I'm a memorable guy."

'_I've finally work it out. He's an arrogant asshole.__'_

"Why not your home number or cell phone number?"

"This is getting tedious, at best. Look, I give out my work number to weed out the crazies."

"Or," Sara smiled "Mrs Novak doesn't like the other ladies calling."

Shooting Sara a look, Grissom showed Adam Novak a driver's license:

_**NEVADA DRIVER LICENSE:**_

_**GRANGER, ALICE**_

_**7748 CANYON AVENUE**_

_**LAS VEGAS NV 89101 **_

"This is Alice Granger's. Do you know her?"

"I bought her a drink last," Novak answered, acting like he didn't have a care in the world.

"Okay, why don't you, uh, walk us through your evening? Start with "I left the office..." Vega prompted.

"I was deposing a witness. Left the office late. Stopped at the Peppermill for a burger. Had a medium rare, no onions burger. Got to the Highball around 11:00. Met this redhead. Bought her a drink and ..."

The whole room's attention turned to the door as Catherine walked in.

"Mr. Novak ... I'm Catherine Willows, CSI."

Sara watched as Novak looked up at Catherine and a look of recognition washed over his face.

"You want to know what happened next-- Ask the redhead." Novak said, with a smug smile on his face, thinking that was his trump card to get out of this mess.

Sara's jaw hit the floor. Catherine shook her head and turned to leave the room. Sara stood torn between staying professional and going after Catherine. Taking a deep breath and quickly glancing at Grissom, Sara followed Catherine out of the room.

%%%

Catherine just couldn't bring herself to be in the room with him; especially as Sara was there with them._ 'God- what must she think of me know.'_ Catherine thought to herself as she tried to put as much space between herself and the both of them. Catherine was going to have to get used to the fact that Sara had someone in her life now and that anything that might have been was never going to happen. It didn't stop the guilt from eating away at her as she remembered the look on Sara's face when she realised Catherine had picked Novak up in a bar.

"Catherine." She heard Sara called, but she just couldn't bring herself to stop.

Jogging to catch up with her, Sara put her hand on Catherine's arm to stop her, "Cath, please."

"What." She wheeled around, pulling her arm from Sara's hold. "Take your fucking hand off me."

Sara held her hands up in defeat. She had no intention of fighting with Catherine; she wanted to know if she was ok and maybe what she was thinking picking that slim ball up-- oh yeah and just where Aaron fit in all this. The more Sara thought about it, the more confused she got.

Catherine took in the slightly hurt look on Sara's face and regretted snapping immediately. They had forged a friendship of sorts in the last few weeks and Catherine was damm sure not going to let Novak put a dent in it. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shouted at you like that, it's just I'm having a hard time here."

"It's ok," Sara told her and then Sara watched as her hand seemed to grow a mind of its own as it reached out to cup Catherine's face. Sara ran her thumb just under the spot Catherine's bruise had formed, a bruised she had not notice when shift started but now was clear to see "Did he…" Sara trailed off, she wanted to know but she couldn't bring herself to ask. She had no idea what she would do to Novak if she really lost her temper.

Catherine knew what Sara was asking; she could also feel the tremble that ran through Sara as she tried to keep her control. Catherine didn't want Sara getting in trouble for losing it with Novak, she somehow felt that Sara would be the one - out of them all- to battle for Catherine and it scared and thrilled her in equal parts. Catherine almost felt as if she had no choice in the matter though as she stood there gazing into Sara's intense brown orbs, it was if she couldn't tell a lie while looking into those beautiful eyes.

"Yes." Catherine's reply was scarcely a whisper.

Sara caressed Catherine's cheek a moment longer building the courage to ask the other thing that bothered her, "Did he--?" Sara motioned with her head up and down in Catherine's general direction.

Once again Catherine caught Sara's meaning. "No." she shook her head vehemently over whelmed that Sara cared enough to ask.

"Catherine." Grissom's voice turned their attention in the direction they had both just come from, Sara dropped her hand to her side- their moment was lost.

"Sar', could you give us a moment. Please?" Catherine asked.

Sara didn't answer but with one last look at Catherine, she walked away heading down the corridor past Grissom back to the Interview room.

%%%

"You ok?" Sofia asked.

Sara stood outside the Interview room, every now and then she kept looking nervously over her shoulder down the corridor where Catherine and Grissom were in a deep conversation. Sara heard Sofia's question but delayed her answer as she watched Novak through the two way glass. Sara wanted to choke the cocky bastard that dared to think he was good enough to put a hand on Catherine, her Catherine _'Damm, why does she always pick the low lives.'_

"I'm good." Sara finally offered Sofia in way of response.

"Uhuh-- A) You don't look it and B) I know I wouldn't be if I just found out that someone I love picked that up in a bar."

"Fia' I'm with you. How can you keep saying that, when I'm with you?" Sara responding, avoiding Sofia's mention of love, so that she wouldn't have to utter a lie or hurt Sofia.

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks." Sofia said, not missing the fact that Sara avoided her loaded mention of love.

Sara smiled ruefully. _'When the hell did 'Fia start quoting Shakespeare? That was it she was spending less time with Griss!'_

"Look, it's ok. --- I came into this knowing how you felt about her-- and I'll take however much of you I can have." Sofia told Sara gently.

"Jesus, don't say that!" Sara shot back angrily, mostly to herself. Sara was angry when Sofia said things like that because it just reminded her of how much of idiot she was- loving a woman who couldn't or wouldn't her love back, while hurting a woman who clearly wanted to love her. She leaned back, letting her back slide down the wall till she was in a crouching position. She had like her life so much better when it was just demon hunting on the big yellow bus.

"You ok?" Catherine asked walking towards them with Grissom.

"Next person who asks me that-- I'm gonna kill with my bare hands."

Sara stood pushing of from the wall, teeth clenched, fists balled, she tried everything she knew to keep from losing her temper.

"Sofia, will you take Sara's place on this case please." Grissom ordered, raising an eyebrow at Sara's outburst.

"What about me?" Sara questioned her boss.

"I think it's safe to say that the fact that you and Catherine have managed to form a friendship is going to be a distraction you have not learned to block out yet."

"No, I'm used to working in a place where we were allowed to have emotions." Sara replied trying to keep her temper in check.

With that last parting shot, Sara walked away.

* * *

**were getting warmer i promise.**

**thanks for reading please review. =)  
**


	14. I need you

**Own nothing still**

**More fun with our favourite Ladies  
**

* * *

Returning to the Lab Sara made herself scarce, hiding out in one of the quieter labs and finishing up paper work that was overdue. The moment Grissom had returned, Sara had found herself summoned to his office and she had found herself in the unenviable situation of having to try to explain to her emotional inept boss what her little outburst had been about. She had had to think on her feet too, there was no way that she was going to lay the truth on Grissom. _'Well boss I'm totally in love with Catherine and the thought that--- that MAN had hurt her was eating at my guts. Oh yeah and I was more than a little pissed at Cath for picking up someone in a bar. Am I so repulsive she would look everywhere else first, before she ever even glances in my direction?'_

After a conversation that Sara was sure she could live her whole life without having to repeat, she was removed from the case and had spent the remainder of that shift and most of the new one avoiding Aaron, Catherine, and Sofia. Just to aid her cause she was working a trick roll at the Palms with Greg.

"Slam dunk." Greg was saying as they packed the evidence in its proper place. Sara mind was wandering though. She couldn't shake the look in Catherine's eyes from the night before. They had been so close and it was as if there was nothing hidden between them anymore, whatever had been there, she was pretty sure that she had never seen it before.

"Sar', I said pretty open and shut case."

"What," Sara shock herself from her daze, turning to Greg. "Yeah hope so, I could use an open and shut case right about now."

"Yeah, tell me about it. Where were you a moment ago?"

"Nowhere, good buddy. I can tell you that much."

"You and Catherine are fighting, again?" Greg asked a little concerned, he had been happy to see Sara and Sofia get together. Although he would have been much happier if she was dating him, he had long ago realised he didn't stand a chance. He had hoped that Sofia might just be what Sara needed to help her move on from Catherine. It seemed that wasn't going to happen.

"Why is it that everything I do have to have something to do with Catherine?" Sara said in frustration and little bit of anger that everyone keep assuming that everything she does, is somehow connected to Catherine.

"Because you love her." Greg answered in a matter of fact tone, like he was just stating something that was universally a fact, proving scientifically.

Sara just dropped her shoulders, why could no one drop this. How the hell can she even attempt to move on when everyone and their mothers felt the need to keep reminding her that her heart was unfortunately in the unknowing hands of Catherine Willows

"Look, we're best friends, right. So I notice these things and plus I'm paid to make observations." Greg smiled.

"Saved by the bell," Sara smiled as her phone went. In a rush to end her conversation with Greg she didn't even bother to check the ID, "Sidle."

"Sara." Catherine's voice was quiet and scared, catching Sara's attention straight away.

"Cath, you ok baby? You sound scared." Sara didn't even notice that the pet name had slipped out.

"I am scared Novak is at my house with my mom and Lindsey. Can you please come over?"

The desperation in Catherine's voice made her sound alien to Sara's ears. Sara was used to bold, loud and normally always needing to be right, Catherine Willows. For her to be scared and calling Sara for help threw Sara for a moment.

"I'm there ASAP. I promise-- just hang tight." Sara said, snapping her phone shut.

"You ok?" Greg asked as Sara turned to leave.

"No." Sara sighed, pausing for a moment. Was she really about to bail out on their scene in the middle of an active case? Sure she was. She'd do that and more for Catherine. She would call Grissom on the way over and explains. "Look, get Brass to send some squad cars to Cath's and I mean now. Oh and get this stuff back I'll see you later." Sara ran to her car, desperate to get to Catherine.

%%%

Catherine snapped her phone shut and frowned. She'd just called Sara in her moment of real need, she had intended to call Warrick for back-up like always, he had never let her down in her moments of need, or judge her, no matter what situation he had to help her get out off. But somehow when her cell was in her hand, Sara's number was the one she pressed and the moment she heard Sara's voice, something inside her tells her it was the right decision and her nerves settle a little knowing that Sara was on her way. And despite how unsettle she was feeling at that moment, she couldn't forget the sound of Sara calling her baby. In another time, she might have taken forever to ponder both of those points and she was sure that some time tonight she probably would, but there was no time now. The only thing that mattered was the fact that Adam Novak was at her house with her baby and he was going to pay for that.

"I see that beauty runs in the family." Catherine was nearly sick at the sound of his voice, as it filtered through her open window.

"No." her mom laughed.

Getting out of the car she slammed the door and unsnapped her gun. He had come to her _HOME_-- she was going to make sure he realised that he wasn't fucking going to get away with that. She approached the others, taking slow deep breaths to steady herself.

"Mom, Lindsey, go inside the house." Catherine calmly gave her daughter a little nudge toward their home with her hand.

"Believe it or not, Catherine does know how to say, Hello, how are you? Would you like a cup of coffee?" Catherine's mother admonished her daughter, embarrassed that Catherine had forgotten her manners.

"I was talking to your mother about the case we're working on." Novak smiled and Catherine so wanted to shoot him.

"Mom, please just go inside, take Lindsey with you." Catherine told her mom, giving her mom a look before shifting her eyes over to Adam Novak--- god she hoped her mom would get her point and take Lindsey inside.

"I don't, I don't want to." Lindsey looked up at her mom, pouting.

"Lindsey," Catherine warned, trying not to snap at her daughter, the last thing she needed was to have Lindsey upset.

"Are you going to go out again?" Lindsey asked, and disappointedly.

Lindsey felt as if she saw even less of her mom since the change in shifts.

"No. I'm coming in. I want to hear all about your day." Catherine smiled softly at daughter, hopping for an understanding Lindsey at that moment.

Finally getting the message Catherine had been sending them, Lindsey turned towards the house while Catherine's mother bided good-bye to Novak, practicing the good manners that was ingrained in her from childhood.

"It was a pleasure meeting you." Novak told them as they walked to the house and he turned to Catherine.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Catherine demand, fire in her eyes.

"I want to know why you're setting me up, manipulating evidence to make me look guilty-- All because I came on a little too strong."

"I want you out of here." Catherine ignored his questions, seeing no need to play his stupid game.

"I didn't get my signals crossed. You changed the rules in the middle of the game, and now you're screaming foul. That's some power trip, babe. Who's the guilty one here?"

"You want to talk to me, call your lawyer. Set up an appointment down at PD." Catherine tries to keep her temper in check.

"You think I killed her?" Novak demanded, taking a step closer to Catherine.

"Back off." Catherine warned.

"Fuck that! You don't get to play your little games with me, bitch. I'm not one of your past boy toys who'll just slack away when you demand it, especially not after you used your position to play power trip with my damm livelihood and personal life. "Novak spats out as he walked closer to Catherine.

"Back the fuck off!" Catherine warned again, not moving, showing none of the fear she was feeling in the pit her stomach.

"You have no idea who the hell you are dealing with!!!--- There's no way in hell I'm going to just sit back and let you ruin my life. I promise you, I'll make damm sure I destroy you first and you friends over at the lab will finally have a real reason to come after me--- instead of coming after me because I had the misfortune to talk to bitch in heat who sex anything that moves." Novak continued to move towards Catherine, getting to closer her as he spoke. Seeing no fear of him in her eyes, he snapped and raised his hand, like he was going to punch her, needing to see fear in her eyes.

Realizing his intention, Catherine instinct overpowered her fear, she pulled her gun out from her hip, aiming at him and holding steady." I said BACK THE FUCK OFF, ASSHOLE!!" Catherine hissed.

Seeing the stun look on his face, bottling her fear, Catherine decided to give him a few home truths," FYI, you narcissist bastard, I didn't have anything to do with you being question.--- I'd have gladly spent the rest of my life happy if I had never seen your ugly mug again after I left you that night. But unfortunately for me, you're connected to the murder case, and in my line of work, I'm force to deal with the scum of the earth, so you're just one in long line of scum that I've to deal with—so now lets try this again, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!"

In a screech of rubber Sara pulled up outside Catherine's house, Sara immediately saw Catherine holding Novak at gun point. If the son of the bitch thought he could intimidate Catherine, Sara was glad to have him found out that he was wrong. But still, Sara wasn't above making sure he got the message and make sure he knows that Catherine got back-up. Pulling her weapon, Sara abandoned her car and made her way up towards Catherine and Novak, holding Novak in her sights. Moving slowly she stepped between Catherine and Novak, she turned to face Novak, moving towards him, forcing him to take a few steps back.

"You Bitch!!!" Novak hissed, faced with two women, both with their service weapons trained on him, ready to shot him where he stands.

"You came to my house." Catherine pointed out reasonably, like that was all the explanation needed for him to be face with two guns pointing at his heart. What had he expected turning up at her house with her daughter there? There was no parent Catherine knew that wouldn't kill for their child and she was no exception.

"Big mistake- by the way," Sara smirked as the distant sound of sirens grew louder.

"Why- you going to shoot me." Novak taunted, getting over his fear when he heard the sirens, knowing that sound was his safety net; the reason neither Catherine nor Sara would shot him.

"If I have to," Sara told him coldly, with little a smirk, looking at him straight in the eye, not blinking, daring him to give her a justifiable reason to shot him.

"Kill for her, would you?" Novak said in disbelieve, not really believing anyone could love someone enough to kill for them. '_Kill to protect himself, hell yes, kill to protect someone else, hell no_, Novak thought.

"In a heartbeat," Sara confessed without hesitation, there really was nothing she wouldn't do to keep both Catherine and Lindsey safe. Sara felt Catherine's hands grip her from behind holding tight. Any responds from Novak, was cut off as two squad cars pulled up and the cops got out.

"Mr Novak, accompany us to the station please."Brass said in conversation manner with steel behind the words.

"I'm just having a quiet chat with a friend---no need for law enforcements." Novak smile charmingly toward Brass and the cops.

"Mr, Novak, I'm sure you see the lines around my eyes, so you know damm well that I wasn't born yesterday. Now stop playing games and lets go to the station. Get him out of here, boys," Brass told the officers from one of the squad cars.

"Are you ok?" He turned to Catherine. He was surprised to see that she had not moved from her spot behind Sara. Brass was well aware that Catherine was no shrinking violet and knew how to take care of herself so he wondered what would make Catherine turn into a damsel in distress for Sara.

Catherine didn't answer Brass's question, she was too busy tracking Sara's movements as she turned herself around, pulling Catherine into a hug. Catherine fall into Sara's arms in relief and in unending gratitude to whoever was watching over her, that made this little confrontation ends somewhat peacefully because no matter how much Catherine hate Novak at this moment, she didn't want to be the one to do the earth a good deed by taking him out off it.

"Cath, did he touch you?" Sara asked the question that she actually wasn't sure she wanted the answer to. She wondered what it would look like if she suddenly let go of Catherine, rushed down the stairs and started to beat on Novak. Lucky for Sara, Catherine quelled her fears.

"No, thank god you got here, he scared me." Catherine admitted to Sara's chest as they held each other tight. Catherine realised that this was probably the first proper hug she had received from Sara. '_God did it feel good to be in Sara's arms'_ she thought. Sara's arms felt strong around her, she knew she was safe and secure; nothing would or could hurt her there. This was the place she never wanted to leave. Unfortunately she knew she was going to have to.

"Well you're safe now I'm here ok-- nothing is ever going to happen with me around. I promise." Sara reassured Catherine, while kissing her forehead softly.

"And you never break a promise." Catherine said pulling away to look at Sara. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me ok, wasn't like I could have turned you down." Sara teased a little, trying to light up the dark tone of the moment.

"You both need to make statements." Brass broke the moment.

"We will later." Sara said grabbing Catherine's hand, entwining their fingers she squeezed lightly looking at Catherine. "We need to check on Lindsey first." Sara continued, needing to check on Lindsey for Catherine's sake as well as her own.

"Don't leave it for too long." Brass reminded them.

"We won't." Sara said, letting Catherine enter before her.

Catherine's head was spinning, this was all too much; Novak had come to her house and Sara had been her first thought. When Catherine had seen him there with Lindsey every other thought than keeping Lindsey safe had fled her mind and it was as if she had always know next to her Sara was Lindsey's best hope, she guess that is why her rationally mind intended to call Warrick but her instinct and knowing Sara's deep love for Lindsey led her to call Sara instead of Warrick.

Sara would flip, Catherine had been sure of that fact, if anyone laid a finger on the little girl. From the moment she had seen them together at Lindsey's school play the night Eddie had died, she had know that this was the person to care for her daughter, to be the parental figure Eddie never was. Tonight just went to prove that as Sara's only thought now was to make sure Lindsey was safe before anything else happened. She hated herself in that moment for pushing Sara so far away that she was in someone else's life and not her and her daughter's.

"Sar." Lindsey squealed as they stepped inside the house.

"Linds," Sara said dropping to her knees pulling the little girl into a bear hug.

"I've missed you." Lindsey smiled up at Sara

"I've missed you to, Hon." Sara said softly, ruffling Lindsey's hair.

"Can you stay for a while? Mommy, can she stay?" The little girl asked excitedly, turning hopeful blue eyes towards her mom.

"We need to talk to you first, Linds." Sara said leading her to one of Catherine's over stuffed couch. She always felt so comfortable in Catherine's house. Many nights babysitting for Lindsey meant she knew it well. For Sara the place was more of a home than the apartment she inhabited. Catherine and Lindsey were there, which meant her heart was too, walking in the door just felt like coming home.

"Why?"

Sara hated that word, it seemed to be Lindsey's favourite and half the time Sara found herself without a decent answer.

"We need to talk about the man that was here." Catherine said sitting down on the other side of her daughter. She loved to see Sara interact with Lindsey. Lindsey missed out on some things when Eddie died and Sara gave them back to her.

"What about him?" Lindsey asked scooting to sit on Sara's lap.

"What did he want with you, sweetie?" Catherine asked, tucking some stray hairs behind her daughter's ear. Lindsey wriggled out of her mother's reach, leaning farther into Sara.

"Talk to you Mom," Lindsey told them.

"Did he do anything to you, touch you or scare you?" Sara asked pulling Lindsey tighter to her body, needed the touch of Lindsey's small little body to let her know everything was okay, that Lindsey was safe and in her arms, where no one can hurt her. She was the second most important woman in her world, next to Catherine; if anyone ever hurt her she would kill them with her bare hands.

"No he just talked, said I was pretty like Mommy."

"Dam straight," Sara said tickling her.

"Sara said a swear word." Lindsey panted once she had stopped laughing.

"Yeah she did." Catherine smiled holding out her hand. "You know my house rules."

"Huh." Sara huffed, these two really were making a fortune out of her and Sara still wasn't sure damm should count as a swear word. Nevertheless though, Sara reached down into her pocket pulling out a dime and placing it in Catherine's hand.

"There," Sara said as she hands over the money, "Although since it's most of my money in there, I think I should get a say on what it get's spent on." Sara pouted.

Catherine realised that there was no way she could deny Sara anything when she pouted like that. God she hoped Sara never found out, or Catherine realised she would find herself at the younger woman's mercy. _'Although,'_ she thought to herself. _'That thought wasn't all that displeasing.'_

"What would that be then?" Catherine asked trying to dispel the thought of writhing under Sara's very skilful hands from head to toes. _'Wow was it her or had it just got hot in there.'_

"I don't know, maybe ice-cream with my two favourite ladies some time." Sara answered and smiled when Lindsey let out a happy "woohoo" at the word ice-cream.

%%%

Sara stood in the door way to the Break-room watching a rare sight. All the night crew members, former and current were together, hanging out. Most were taking a few moments to check on Catherine after the events of that night. It really hadn't taken long for the news of what had happened, to filter throughout the lab; she had an image of Greg not even remembering to take the car back, just running back to the lab so he could be the first with the new gossip. Sometimes she looked at him and still saw the goofy lab tech she had first met and loved.

Sara got lost in thought watching Catherine, her Catherine. She missed these moments; moments where she could just watch the older woman like this. Something that night had given Sara the confidence not to worry about Catherine catching her. Catherine was tired, her hair was a mess, her clothes were now creased from all that hugging, and her make-up had disappeared, she looked perfect to Sara though, more beautiful than ever. The very real thought that at any point she could lose Catherine forever and she would never know that when Sara was shouting 'I hate you', her heart was screamed 'I love you'.

Part of their conversation caught her ears.

"So Swings all but done. You want to go eat?" Nick was asking Catherine. Catherine who for the second time that night totally blocked out some one in order to take note of Sara, Nick followed her gaze and shook his head. "Did your mom never teach you not to listen in doorways?"

Sara didn't answer she just exchanged glances with Aaron, a look of pain crossing her eyes. A look that Catherine picked up on, _'She looks so sad.'_

"Nick, you can be a real ass." Catherine shot walking over to Sara. "You're done with Brass?" She asked, stopping with just millimetres between them. She could smell her shampoo, shower gel and the coffee on her breath. The heat from her body seemed to be breathing life into her, so much, so that the hairs on the back of her neck were standing up.

"Yeah, just gave my statement. Griss wants me to take the rest of the shift off so can I give you a ride."

Aaron's spluttering over his coffee made her realise that she possibly could have phrased that better. "Home-- a ride home." Sara corrected blushing.

"I Guessed that." Catherine pouted, teasing.

"This way I can make sure you get home safe and sound." Sara reasoned.

"Gonna want to check my closet?" Catherine asked with a sexy smile.

'_Wow-- air just got hard to take in" _

"And under your bed," Sara whispered in her ear, sending tingles down Catherine's spine. Her lips were almost touching her ear, it would have been so easy for her to just snake her tongue out and taste that perfect looking pale skin.

"Sara," Sofia brought both of them crashing back to earth.

'_No, not now, me and Catherine = perfect moment. Butt. Out.'_

"Yeah," Sara sighed guiltily, turning to her girlfriend, taking a step back from Catherine, Immediately feeling the lost of her body heat.

"Want to do something after my shift?" Sofia asked trying not to notice just how close Sara was standing to Catherine.

What the hell had she been thinking, Sara chastised herself. All night she had been lost in her own little Catherine haze, she hadn't given a second thought to Sofia. It was official; she was the worst girlfriend ever. Even in that moment she was still wondering what Catherine was thinking; she selfishly and guiltily was hoping that Catherine was jealous.

"Cool, I'd like that." She lied, wishing she could just crawl away and take some time to work all this out. It was hard to concentrate on Sofia when Catherine was looking at her with that soft look on her face. She never wanted to be that unfair to Sofia and there was the very real possibility that once the adrenaline of the day wore off, then Catherine would be back to hating her.

'_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH' _she shouted in her head, "Your chariot awaits, my lady." She said to Catherine as she bowed to her, Catherine smiled at her silly action and walked out off the room, looking back to make sure Sara was following her. Sara walked behind Catherine, hating and loving that she was following her heart out off the room, taking a second to look back and wave good-bye to Sofa, Sara wished that she could give her heart to Sofia instead, where it would be safe and uncomplicated.

* * *

**Thanks for reading **

**So what do you think getting warmer right! =)  
**


	15. Faith

They sat in silence for a moment, both avoiding the others gaze as they tried to work out their feelings into words. Sara shook her head; she really wasn't very good at that sort of thing. She had never had to be. Star, god Star had been good enough for the both of them and well with faith, there never had been much in the way of words. God sometimes she missed Faith.

"Want to come in." Catherine finally asked as they sat outside her house.

'_Yes' _Sara thought but instead of going with her feelings, like she had been doing all day in regard to Catherine, she decided to go with her head this time.

"I should get home, get some sleep." Sara gave a half smile tapping her knuckles on the steering wheel.

"Ok." Catherine tried not to sound too disappointed, playing with the release on the seat belt. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything... Anytime," Sara looked sideway at Catherine. Her heart skipped a beat; Catherine looked amazing, moonlight catching her eyes.

"Did tonight change anything between us?" Catherine turned her eyes toward Sara as she asked the question.

Well there, she'd asked, sometimes she was quite sure that Sara's opinion of her couldn't get any lower but somehow it always mattered to her what that opinion was, no matter how low it got.

"Well I'd say we're friend's now, right or I never would have driven half way across Vegas, breaking several speeding limits."

When Catherine continues to sit silently and just look at her, Sara tries to lighten the mood," Don't worry, I wasn't a bad driver---No old lady was run over in Super Sara's rescue of beautiful Catherine."

Giving a small smile, Catherine turned in her seat so she could look directly at Sara, trying to gain enough courage to asked the question that have been running in her head for while now; because something had changed that evening. Catherine couldn't put her finger on it, but she knew they couldn't go back, not even if she wanted, which she realised that she didn't. There was a look in Sara's eyes that she had always wanted, hoped to see.

"Why?" Catherine asked quietly.

"Novak," Catherine expanded her question when she saw Sara looking at her with confusion in her eyes.

Understanding dawning, Sara moved in her seat to mirror Catherine's position, she was beginning to wish she'd said yes to coffee, it was a bit uncomfortable in her car.

"Yeah... lost it there for a bit, didn't I." Sara smiled a little turning her head away from Catherine for a moment. "I just get mad, Cath....There are people out there who would give _anything _to be with you and not treat you like that Novak bastard did. I sometime wonder if there's a reason you pick jerks like that." Sara voiced her concerns, reaching out a hand to gently push a piece of stray hair behind her ear. Sara couldn't help but smile, Catherine's hair really was as soft as it looked.

"What do you mean?"

"Sorry to say this.... but Eddie was a jerk, take Lindsey out of the picture and what did he do for you. That Paul dude, was nowhere near good enough for you and don't even start me on Chris. You are possibly the most beautiful woman created and you pick out these jerks."

"You think I'm beautiful."

"I think you are a beautiful, warm, sensitive, caring, considerate, brave, loyal, strong, smart and a wonderful mom and why none of the jerks you date treat you that way make me mad sometimes."

"Wow... I never knew you felt that way," Catherine smiled a little, "I mean you hide it so well."

"Yeah well.... I do it because I know I'll never stand a chance with you and my heart isn't up to being rejected. I may seem tough but I'm human and I have my limits and you'd overload it beyond its capacity," Sara looked away sheepishly.

"Again wow.... You have a very sensitive side Miss. Sidle."Catherine said softly, wanting to jump Sara at that moment, but knowing that would probably cause Sara to run in the opposition direction from her. Because despite what Sara is saying right now, she is still in a relationship with Sofia. So Sara is probably just trying to be nice with her words.

"Yeah, and I'm going go home now before I say anything else." Sara half seriously, half jokingly replied.

"One day, you will come in for coffee." Catherine demanded, more than ask.

"One day." Sara agreed while giving Catherine a small smile.

%%%

Catherine watched as Sara reversed her car out of the driveway and drove out of sight. She sighs dropping her curtain back in place. Why was she such a coward tonight; if she had pushed just little, Sara might be with her right now. Who cared if it was only for drinking coffee, just being with her would've made her night. Catherine had been doing a lot of thinking since Sara had started to date Sofia. Talk about not realising what you had till it's gone. Warrick had been right that day, She had spent so much time worrying about how much she could get hurt she really never stopped to think of how happy Sara could make her and all the things they give to each other. Seeing Sara in a happy committed relationship had shown her a different side of Sara, she had a quiet soft side that seemed to be as happy holding hands with Sofia as she was playing video games with Warrick.

%%%

Sara knew just taking the batteries out of her pager wouldn't be enough for her to get the whole morning off from work. She really should have turned her god damn cell phone off but there was that part of her that had hoped against hope that Catherine might call her, needing to talk.

"Sar, please get that." Sofia begged beside her. Sara had to smile; Sofia really wasn't one for being woken up. Sara looked at her clock, in Sofia's defense she had only been in bed for four hours. With a smile Sara realised they'd only been asleep for about two hours during that time.

"I'll take it next door." Sara reassured her girlfriend leaning over to kiss her hair "Get some sleep, you need it." Sara added with a smirk rather proud of her morning activities.

"Sidle." Sara snapped the automatic answer, there really was only one person it could be this time of day and she so didn't want to work. Catherine would be there soon and as much as part of her wanted to see the blond, the rest of her was not looking forward to it after their last conversation. Sara was aware that although she had meant every word she had said to Catherine the last time she had talked with her, she was still nervous about how Catherine would react to her in the light of day after those words.

"Ah, Sara,"

Oh yeah she had been right, it was Grissom.

"Griss,"

"We've been paging you."

"Pager must be dead." Sara lie, she had taken the batteries out the moment she had got home.

"Well I need you to come in."

"You need me in, now?" Sara sighed looking forlornly at her bedroom where Sofia was waiting. "New case?" Sara questioned.

"Swing is short and I've been asked by Ecklie to volunteer a member of our team and your name was mentioned."

"Cool... because it worked out so well last time." Sara grumbled under her breath. Great, there really would be no getting away from Catherine it seems; on the other hand she had a real reason for checking in on the older woman. Then again Sofia was asleep in the other room and no matter what Sara felt for anyone else, Sofia was the one who was there with her day in and day out no matter what happen or what mood anyone was in, and she was grateful to Sofia for that; Sofia kept her from being alone.

"I need to get change," Sara told Grissom before handing up.

%%%

"I need to go in." Sara told Sofia coming to sit on the edge of the bed. "Sorry babe." Sara added kissing the blonde's hair.

"New case?" Sofia asked between yawns reaching up to stroke Sara's hair.

Sara was silent for a moment; she didn't want to lie to Sofia. Sofia would know the moment she got to work herself that Sara was working on a case with Catherine. But after the conversation she had had with Sofia for most of the morning about Catherine and Sara's feeling towards her, Sara wasn't sure she wanted to do the whole thing again now.

"What?" Sofia questioned after a moment of silence.

"Swing needs some extra help." Sara told her, not quite managing to look Sofia in the eyes.

"Oh... and you get to help the damsel in distress again. You must _love_ playing her Knight in shining armour." Sofia sarcastically replied.

"Sofia, please... not now." Sara wearily answered.

"Of Course---never now; you never have time to talk to me about what's going on. All I want from you is to be honest about what you feel for her.

"I'm as honest as I can be with you Sofia. My feelings for Catherine are complicated....I can't even explain them to myself so I'm not even going to try to explain them to you.... All you need to know is that I'm with you and my feelings for you are straight forward, no complication. "

"So, you with me because I'm not complicated ...we're not complicated...In other words, your feelings for me are not that deep."

That's not what I meant."

"Yeah, it is, Sara. We're both adults here, no need for sugar-coat words," Sofia sighed sitting up, fighting back the tears that were threaten to come out. There was no way she was going back to sleep, in fact Sofia realised that she may actually never be back in this apartment, in this bedroom ever again. She had spent months kidding herself that she could help Sara move on from pining over Catherine. That somehow if she show Sara enough love, and shower her with attention, then she would forget about Catherine and actually, truly give their relationship a real chance. But now She finally have to admit to herself that Sara was never going to move on, she was always going to be totally in love with Catherine, nothing would change that, not time or Sofia's undying devotion if giving a chance. Pulling her knees up to her chest, she hugged them tight and sighed. It was a shame, they could have made such a perfect pair, they were great for each other in so many ways and that was what was hurting Sofia the most. She was about to walk away from someone who was perfect for her, who she could have finally gotten her happily ever after with.

"Sara, let's be honest with each other. We're together because for you this relationship or whatever you want to call it is not complicated. We just are. If I'm here, I'm here and if I'm not... you won't lose any sleep missing me and you never will.... I don't make your blood boil with rage and desire at the same time... you don't love me and you never will." Sofia said sadly, with tears glistening in her eyes, finally falling down her cheeks, Sofia wiped the tears from her cheeks with shaking fingers, hating that she was crying for something that never was.

After a few moment of composing herself, Sofia continued." You want Catherine, Sara. You always will and until you admit that and do something about it, you're always going to be alone. Even if you get a warm body into your bed, like you did me, as long as it isn't Catherine beside on that bed, you gonna keep feeling alone." Sofia truthfully and sadly tells Sara.

"You're dumping me because I have to work swing?" Sara questioned unbelievably, ignoring everything Sofia had said because the truth was just too damn painful to deal with right now.

Sofia softly and sadly shakes her head at Sara's avoidance of the truth, "No, I'm calling an end to us because you always have and always will love someone else... I love you..... And I have for a while; I think I love long before we got together. But being with you just made me realise how deep my feelings for you really are.... I can't keep lying to myself, Sar'. I can't and won't keep waking-up everyday thinking and wishing that today will be the day, the day 'Sara finally stops loving Catherine and start loving me. The day 'Sara will make love with me and not wish it was Catherine she was making love to instead. The day' I won't stand in a room with Sara and Catherine, and feel like the outsider instead of the insider because I'm Sara's girlfriend, not Catherine.' That's how I've been feeling Sara.... if you cared in the slightest you won't want this for me ....it's not your fault that I feel this way being with you because I knew going into this relationship that you had feelings for Catherine." Sofia finished shakily, rising her palms up to stop Sara from coming to comfort her or even say a word.

" I knew....I _knew....._the only thing I didn't know was how deep those feelings run, and that they were more than just a crush or attraction.....I didn't know until I got with you because being with you gave me a front row seat to watch you and Catherine, and from the first moment I sat in that front row seat and saw you with Catherine....I realized that your feelings for her was love, not fade away if forgotten love.... but the real, true love that won't fade with time or even actions." Sofia finished softly, tearfully, hating herself for being so emotionally in front of Sara, hating that she broke her promise to herself, the promise that she would not cry when the time come for her to end it with Sara.

"I …" Sara paused, what could she say? Sofia was right. Sara sank back onto the bed and buried her head in her hands. How the hell had she let this happen? Sofia was a wonderful woman and Sara was just took her for granted and based on what Sofia have just told her, she had been unknowingly, unintentionally hurting this wonderful woman for months, "I never meant to hurt you."

"I know." Sofia reassured her, gaining control of her emotions, at least for moment. Sofia lay back down on the bed; turning on her side, facing Sara's sitting form. She pulled Sara to her, Sara accepting Sofia's invitation, and lay back on the bed, "Hold me for a little while?"

"Of course," Sara pulled Sofia to her, resting the blonde's head on her shoulder. She knew she needed to start getting ready for work but in that moment, it didn't matter. She may not loved Sofia but she cared for her deeply and there was going to be a hole in her heart that would take a while to heal. "I'm sorry....I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." Sofia told her firmly.... "You can't help who you fall in love with. I just hope one day it works out for you."

"I have no clue what 'work out' would even mean for me and Cath. Sometimes I think we've said and done too much to each other for any relationship between us to ever really work out."

"If that was true, we wouldn't be here having this conversation. I think they'll have to kill you to stop you loving her."

"I'm a sad case then, right?"

"No. just misguided." Sofia smiled.

"I did and do care about you Sofia," Sara confessed softly to Sofia.

"I know," Sofia quietly and sadly replied.

They laid in silence for a while before Sofia rolled over, pinning Sara to the bed.

"'Fia what are you doing?" Sara asked confused.

"What never had break-up sex?" Sofia smirk sadly at Sara, determine to have one last chance to touch Sara's body like there was no tomorrow, since she would never get a chance to touch her heart, at least not deep enough to really matter.

%%%

Sara stood resting against the frame of Catherine's open office door. She took a moment to watch the blonde as she sorted through some papers. Sara's emotions were running on high after her conversation and subsequent break up with Sofia. She wasn't sure that seeing Catherine right now was the best course of action. But there was nothing else she could think of doing; she was just going to have to try not to say anything stupid.

"Are you planning on standing there all day?" Catherine asked, without looking up.

"Reporting as ordered," Sara replied standing up straight taking a step in to the room.

"I'd just like to point out I didn't ask for you specifically, although I can't say I'm disappointed." Catherine smiled a little. When Sara didn't return her smiled, she crinkled her brow looking puzzled at Sara.

"You ok?"

'_Wow there's a loaded question.'_ Sara thought to herself. She had been trying to work out if she should tell Catherine about her break up with Sofia or not. If she told her, would she look desperate? If she didn't tell Catherine, would that upset the older woman and make her think she was keeping it from her. All in all Sara had decided all she was getting was a headache. Being in love with someone was hard work.

Weighing up her options, Sara decided that telling Catherine was for the best. If nothing else she hopped it would make Catherine believe what she had said the day before about the two of them being friends.

"I had a rough morning," Sara finally admitted stepping further into the room and closing the door. Catherine remained silent and Sara took that as a sign to carry on. "Sofia and I split up."

Slumping down in one of the chairs opposite Catherine's Sara waited for Catherine's reaction to her news.

Catherine thought off her initial reaction of whooping with joy and punching the air but she settled for a more appropriate one. Slipping out of her chair and rounding the desk she crouched in front of Sara.

"I'm sorry Hun," Catherine cooed, resting her hands on Sara's thighs for support.

"Are you?" Sara questioned. Sofia's words were ringing in her ears. '_Sara you want Catherine, you always will and till you admit that and do something about it you're always going to be alone.'_

Catherine took a moment to consider her answer, she knew she wasn't but was that really what Sara wanted to hear or would this just lead to another fight. Catherine cursed her indecisiveness as her office door swung open.

"Ah, you finally made it sidle."

Pulling a face at Catherine, Sara quickly turned to face the Lab Assistant director.

"I most certainly did." Sara replied.

"Good, the sooner you get going, the sooner you can up your solve rate." He informed her, turning to leave.

"We'll talk later." Catherine promised, smiling at Sara and squeezing her hand.

%%%

Sara stood gazing at the framed photo on the bed side table.

Once they had reached the house Catherine had taken the downstairs rooms and told Sara to get started upstairs. After processing what Sara guessed was the guest room, Sara had made her way into the master bedroom. The photo on the bedside table had caught her eye. The man in it was familiar, Sara just couldn't place him.

"Earth to the space cadet," Catherine's voice startled Sara and she jumped a little. "Sorry, Sar' didn't mean to scare you. I was calling and when I got no answer I worried."

Sara smirked a little. "Come to defend my honour," Sara teased a little.

"Something like that." Catherine smiled. _'You and I, alone in a bedroom, honour would be going out of the window.'_ Catherine thought to herself. Trying to drag her mind out of the gutter, Catherine focused back in on what had originally brought her to this room. "So where were you? I called and have been standing here for a couple of minutes."

"Sorry, I don't know... something about this seems familiar." Sara confessed.

"Familiar, how?" Catherine questioned. "The crime, the crime scene, the victim, what?"

"Well.... I've never been here before and I'm sure I've never seen this dead guy or his wife and we have no clue what the crime is yet. But there is something."

"Will you be ok?" Catherine asked taking a step in to the room. Removing her gloves she took hold of Sara's wrist when the brunette went back to looking at the picture. "Sar, are' you going to be ok?" Catherine asked again, rubbing her thumb over the soft skin of Sara's wrist.

"Sorry, yeah Cath I'm sure I'll work it out." Sara smiled looking down at her wrist.

"Sorry, is that bugging you?" Catherine asked, ready to move her hand.

Sensing Catherine's sudden discomfort, Sara moved to quickly put her hand over Catherine's. "Not bugging... it's nice. It's just we don't … well what I mean is… Normally...."

"We can't be in the same room." Catherine smiled, cutting of Sara's rambling. "I know and I want that to change. I want a lot of things to change."

"Yeah I'd like that. I was kind of wondering... um Linds have her big solo tomorrow and..."

"Seems she got more than just her bad temper from me," Catherine joked.

"Yeah," Sara smiled "I was wondering… well I know you'll be there… and so will I… the thing is… um... what I was thinking was...."

'_Whoa, when did I become an incoherent blabbering idiot?'_

"Sara, take a breath and please finish one of those thoughts.... You're making me nervous with all this babbling, so for my sake, just spit it out. Sidle"

"Well since we'll both going to be there, I was thinking..."

"Sara, would like us to go together?"

"Why is it, when you say it like that, it look and sound so easy?"Sara question; letting out a nervous chuckle. Sara went to pull her hand back; Catherine wouldn't relinquish her grip.

"Sara Sidle, do I make you nervous?"Catherine joked.

"Very." Sara admitted.

"That's nice to know, "Catherine said smugly with small laugh, "I think it would be great to go together." Catherine reassured her with a final squeeze on her wrist, before letting go and stepping back. "Now get to work or we'll still be processing this house tomorrow." She added with a wink.

%%%

"Faith Lehane?"

"You say that like you know more than one faith."

Faith smiled and Sara watched in horror as Faith's head, shoulders and then her entire body made its way through the bathroom window.

"Right now, I wish I didn't even know one."

Sara listened carefully to any noises from downstairs as Faith landed in a rather unceremonious heap just under the open window.

"Way to go Faith, very stealthy." Sara rolled her eyes at Faith, pulling her up and shoving her behind the door as she heard Catherine and the police officer, whom was on scene with them, approaching. Sara cursed her luck but just managed to hold of asking what else could go wrong. The day was still young and Faith was here, the list of possible mishaps was endless.

"Miss Sidle?" Officer Boon rounded the corner, pointing his gun.

"Whoa...Don't shoot that gun." Sara held her hands up in defense and prayed to god she could stop both Catherine and the officer from actually entering the bathroom. If Faith was noticed then Sara was a dead woman, when Catherine finished with her and Grissom had his go at her, then what ever Ecklie had to toss her way, anything left of Sara would just be enough for her Aaron to bury.

"Can you step out of the bathroom, please?" Boon asked and Sara tried not to twitch. She knew that all he wanted to do was make sure she was able to move of her own free will. Last thing she needed though was him spotting Faith; Sara wasn't sure if she would speak up for her old friend or just tries and save her own skin. Sara shook that thought out off her head, as she stepped out of the bathroom... of course she would cover for Faith. Having a full time Job didn't change her commitment to keeping the secret, even at the expense of her own skin.

"Sorry, Boon." Sara smiled, "I tripped over my own feet."

"Cool." Boon smiled holstering his gun, glancing once more in the direction of the bathroom. "No worries, just be careful, okay." He smiled heading back downstairs.

"You sure you're ok?" Catherine questioned. Boon may have been convinced but she was far from satisfied with Sara's excuse. Taking a step towards the bathroom, Catherine wanted to see for herself what actually made the noise she heard. Sara was holding something back, she could tell that just by looking at her. She had been acting funny ever since she saw that photo and Catherine is worried about her.

"Don't you trust me now?" Sara asked. She knew it was low and there were probably better ways to get Catherine away from the bathroom without questioning her trust. Trouble was, all higher brain functions had stopped the moment Faith fell through the window and she was just making it up badly as she went along.

"Of course I trust you." Catherine answered without hesitation.

Sara moved back in the bathroom doorway, blocking Catherine's entrance.

"Then why do you feel the need to check up on my work?"

"Sara, I'm not. I'm just worry about you."

"Why?"

"Because you're not acting like yourself,"

"You don't know me."

Sara realised what she had said the moment the hurt registered in Catherine's eyes.

"No, I guess I don't." Catherine turned, and started to walk away.

"Cath, please,"

Sara reached Catherine just as Catherine reached the top of the stairs.

"I'll be in the kitchen, if you need me. Please try to be careful." Catherine's reply was clipped and a month ago Sara would have let it go and that would have been that. Not today, though she was sure if nothing else, she and Catherine could build a friendship and there was no way that she was going to let that chance walk down the stairs in a huff.

"Cath, please, I'm a jerk with hurt pride. Shout at me, call me names; just please don't walk away like it doesn't matter, anymore."

"Doesn't matter?" Catherine face was flushed as she faced Sara. "Out of all the things that are going through me right now I only wish it didn't matter anymore. I can't keep putting us through this, Sara."

Sara saw the confusion in Catherine's face when she started to smile.

"Sorry, I know you're not being funny. It's just that, those were Sofia's words when she dumped me. I let her go, Cath because she was right. We were going round and round but never going anywhere. Cath, I won't, can't let you go. 'Fia said I was with her because it wasn't complicated. As much as I couldn't admit it to her, she was right..... Cath we're complicated, I have to plan conversations with you in advance; you saw what happens when I don't." Sara and Catherine both smiled remembering Sara's bumbled attempt to ask Catherine to accompany her to Lindsey's dance recital.

"But I want complicated, I'll take a complicated friendship right now." Sara paused wondering at the logic behind her next move, they were at the top of the stairs after all and Catherine would surly know how to make it looked like she fall. Nevertheless Sara realised that even with Faith undoubtedly watching through the crack in the door, it was now or never. "Although, friendship is not the only relationship I want with you." Sara told her reaching out slowly; So that Catherine had a chance to pull away if she wanted to, cupping the older woman's cheeks.

"What sort of relationship would you like?" Catherine asked with a voice barely above a whisper. She wasn't sure what she was having the most problem understanding; the part where Sara was actually telling her that she liked her or the fact that they were doing this at a crime scene, a crime scene she was in charge of, with Boon downstairs.

"Well, one where we get to have lots of sex, maybe even some hot sex." Sara smiled a little trying to lighten the conversation a little, she was well aware that this was not the time or place to have this conversation.

"Sara," Catherine laughed, hitting Sara on the chest. Taking the fact that Catherine hadn't knocked her down the stairs as a good sign, Sara lent forward bringing their fore heads together.

"Ok, seriously, one where I get to know you and Lindsey better and you two get to know some more of me and with a bit of luck we all like what we find."

"No matter how much I tried not to... I like what I've found so far."

"What... like pig headed rude pain in the butt Sara?"

"No...I like beautiful, kind, warm, funny, loving, gentle, opinionated, stubborn and talented Sara Sidle, who yes, can sometimes be a pain in the butt."

Sara was pretty sure she could hear Faith let out a bored sigh, and was sure if she could see the dark haired slayer through the bathroom door, she would see her rolling her eyes. Sara didn't care though, she had stopped being able to think about anything other than Catherine after the word beautiful came out of Catherine's mouth.

"Beautiful?" Sara pulled away a little. "You sure you mean me?"

"Yeah," Catherine smiled reaching up she slowly traced her finger over Sara's eyes. "You have beautiful eyes and they can be so expressive. They are what I look at when I need to read you.... you can school your body, but never your eyes. They say so much." Tracing her finger down, Catherine ran it lower on Sara's face. "Your nose is possibly the cutest nose ever, it wrinkles when you concentrate and it takes all my will power not to kiss you." Going lower with her finger, both women sighed as Catherine finger found Sara's lips. "God Sar' what I dreamed of these lips doing to me, just watching you talk can turn me on."

"That." Sara smiled "I will have to remember."

"Yeah, upstairs, Warrick," Boon's voice broke the moment and the two ladies stepped apart just as Warrick made his way upstairs.

"'Rick," Catherine tried to keep the menace from her voice; it really wasn't Warrick's fault. He just had the worst timing ever.

"Wrapped my case and I thought you two could use the extra hands."

"Cool." Sara smiled, her voice a little too falsely even for her own ears. "Well, I'll just get on with the bathroom."

"Need a hand with that?" Warrick asked.

"Nope... no not at all... got it cover."

Sara cursed herself, when had she become such a bad liar she wondered. Catherine and Warrick eyed her before heading downstairs; heading into the bathroom Sara closed the door to find a smirking Faith.

"Don't say a damn word. Not. A. Single. Word," Sara warned.

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	16. Trust Me

**See i haven't forgotten and with just a little tweaking chapter 17 should be up soon too. **

**Thanks once again to Nerline for all her hard work  
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Sara sat, eyes transfixed on the dark liquid in her cup, mind lost in thought. Faith turning up at a crime scene was enough to have Sara running for the hills, add to the fact that her relationship with Catherine was even more confusing than usual and Sara was beginning to wish she had just ignored her cell phone that morning.

Faith feeling the need to be there was not a good sign on its own but when Sara combined it with the feeling of unease she had since seeing that photo in the victims bedroom, then she had the feeling that her life was about to suck, suck hard.

Sara had managed to convince Faith that there was no way she could just walk out in the middle of her shift and go with her, then and there. Convincing Faith that she needed to wait was never easy and it had been made even more difficult by the fact that Faith seemed sure that the only reason Sara wouldn't leave was because she wanted to be with Catherine.

Thoughts of the strawberry blond made Sara smile, their relationship might have hit a whole new level of complicated but Sara was inclined to like this kind of complication. She was sure that she might have gotten to kiss Catherine earlier if Warrick's timing didn't suck so much. In a way though, it was good that Warrick had interrupted them because Sara didn't want her first kiss with Catherine to be at a crime scene and she was sure that Catherine felt the same way.

Catherine stood in the door way to the Break-room watching Sara with concern. Truthfully she was more than a little worried about Sara. Sara was normally a driven and totally focused person when she was working, so to see her like this, set off alarm bells in Catherine. At one point in their relationship Catherine would just have called Sara on it and told her to get on with her job. Today though, more than ever Catherine wanted to be the one Sara confided in, wanted to be the one to help ease whatever that was obviously troubling the brunette.

Walking in the room Catherine took a seat opposite Sara. She had to smile when she saw that Sara was still lost in her own world, Sara was a goner in her thoughts. Taking the cup from Sara's hands and wrapping Sara's hands in her own Catherine cleared her throat.

It took Sara a moment to realise that her cup was no longer in her hand and warm hands were holding her hands instead. Once she did, she looked up to find concerned filled blue eye's watching her closely.

"Cath,"

"Sar' I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine really." Sara tried to reassure Catherine, squeeze her hands.

Catherine wasn't keen on banging her head on a brick wall, even one as good looking as Sara. She would make one more try and then beat a hasty retreat.

"We both know you're not. I get it; you don't want to talk now. Come to breakfast with me? At least do that."

"Breakfast?" Sara's mind went blank for moment at Catherine's question. Catherine, her and breakfast, that had never happened before, causing Sara's mind to go on a confusion trip at hearing the question. Sure there had been team breakfast where Catherine had been forced to include Sara, but never a one on one request. Then it hit Sara, this is how it would be if they were to move deeper in their relationship, she would get to spend time with Catherine, alone, without other people having to be there with them. _The_ Catherine Willows would not run out of a room when Sara walked in. They would talk, confide in each other, go out, and maybe even stay in together. All in all the thought was a little too much for Sara and speaking became a problem.

"Yeah, that meal you have at the beginning of the day. Although in our case it will be the end but you know what I mean."

"Breakfast," Sara repeated once again and Catherine really began to question the younger woman's sanity.

"Yeah Sar'...Breakfast with me. You and I, alone, eating food that is considered to be breakfast." Catherine explained in detail, smiling indulgently at Sara.

"Whoa, I can't." Sara blurted out, not even giving herself a chance to figure a way around it. Truth was if she didn't get home and talk to Faith, the belligerent slayer was likely to just barge in and demand that Sara leave work.

"Fine," Catherine sighed failing to hide the hurt in her voice. Pushing away from the table Catherine walked across the room. Sara caught up with her almost at the doorway. Pulling the door shut so Catherine couldn't leave Sara turned the older woman around to face her.

"Stop walking away from me."

"Stop making me." Catherine shot back. "I've been trying really hard not to stick my nose in whatever is bothering you and all I asked for was breakfast with you. But I get it now, not only should I not stick my nose in your business, and I should also not ask you for breakfast. That's it right?

"No Cath, that's not it." Sara sighed pulling Catherine into her arms.

Catherine resisted for a moment but Sara held tight and Catherine's body finally relax and melded to her own. It had taken most of her life but Sara had just realised what her arms were for. Holding Catherine felt so right it should have been scary, Sara thought but it wasn't... it was home. As Catherine rested her head on her chest, Sara knew that if she died in that moment she'd die happy.

Catherine couldn't fight the sigh of contentment that escaped as she pulled herself tighter into Sara's embrace and rested her head on the younger woman's chest. Catherine could never remember feeling this warm and safe. Anywhere she went after being in Sara's arms will be a disappointment.

"I shouldn't be able to see your chest move, and hear your heart beating that fast." Catherine joked as Sara's heart tried to beat itself out off Sara's chest.

"Well I'm a little tense." Sara confessed.

"I forgot I make you nervous, don't I?" Catherine said with a smug and pleasing smile, enjoying her affect on Sara.

Sara felt Catherine smile in her chest. Part of her wanted to see that smile but her body didn't seem to want to relinquish its hold on Catherine.

"What can I do to make you less tense, nervous?" Catherine's tone was light and Sara was sure she was being teased.

"You being less beautiful would help a lot but since you can't help being totally beautiful and I would miss that beautiful face of yours if it was gone, I guess the only other solution is for you to spend more time with me."

"Just not over breakfast," Catherine teased, disappointedly.

"Aahhh...Cath, I can't tell you how many times I've wanted you to ask me out for breakfast or for anything else, as long as it involved you and me off the clock, and how many different ways I've dreamed of saying yes. I can't even begin to tell you how much I hate myself right now because I have to say no."

"Why do you have to say no?" Catherine asked stepping away from Sara a little but making sure she was still in the brunette's arms. Reaching her hand up Catherine placed it over Sara's heart where she could feel it was still racing.

"Cath, please,"

"I know we're working on this whole friendship thing." Catherine continued choosing to ignore Sara's plea. Advancing her hand slowly over Sara's shoulder Catherine lay her hand on Sara's neck tenderly running her thumb over Sara's cheek.

Catherine's heart pounded in a pattern to match Sara's as she got her first feel of the soft skin on Sara's cheek. The heat rose in her body and she was sure that at any moment she would prove spontaneous human combustion can happen. Her hands were on fire where they touched Sara and it felt amazing. "I just want to be the person you feel you can talk to. I want you to trust me and I feel like I'm failing."

"No you're not failing. Don't ever think that." Sara insisted holding Catherine's hand still so she could kiss the palm. "I just can't talk about it and that is probably the hardest thing right now. For the first time ever I want to tell someone about what is bothering me, someone I don't think will turn and run but I can't, not right now. There's no point lying to you, Cath. We're both adults and you're a hell of a good CSI. You've noticed I haven't been at my best since we got to our scene. That's because there's something I need to take care of right now, and I need you to trust me without me having to tell you what that something is.

"I do trust you."

"Show it then. Trust me enough to let me do what I need to do and confide in you when I can." leaning forward Sara moved her lips closer to Catherine's. She stopped her lip millimeters from the other woman's, their breaths mingling, giving Catherine the chance to run. Sara didn't want to kill any thing they could have by pushing her. She was frustrated though, everything she wanted since coming to Vegas was there in her arms and she wasn't normally one for holding back. Thoughts were wiped from her mind as Catherine closed the gap, melding her lips to Sara's.

For the first tentative kiss, their lips met gentle at first and Sara's heart swelled, at just how gentle and warm Catherine's lips were. She had dreamed about kissing these lips but in reality they were softer and sweeter than she could ever have dreamed. Sara was desperate to feel more, the gentle press of lips was amazing and unfulfilling all at once. Sara figured that Catherine must have been thinking the same thing as she felt Catherine's tongue run across her bottom lip and it didn't take a second request to get her to open her mouth.

After a momentary fight for dominance Sara slipped her tongue in to Catherine's mouth, past her teeth and the heat was amazing, as was the taste of Coffee mint and a sweet taste that Sara decided could only be Catherine's. Sara set about the task of mapping every inch of Catherine's mouth, teeth, plate and gums; she wanted to know it all.

Their tongues danced together, causing a beautiful friction that Catherine felt flowing through her and settle in the pit of her stomach. When Sara bit on her bottom lip, Catherine thought she was going to come from one kiss. It was a brief but intense kiss, over before either had the chance to fully appreciate what had just happened between them. It did promise so much more though and as they gazed intensely at each other, they realised that there was no turning back, at some point they were going to have to deal with whatever was between them.

"Are you in trouble?" Catherine asked, managing to get her breathing back to normal rhythm after reluctantly pulling her lips away from Sara's sweet lips, wanting to know, so she could help because Catherine already realize she would do anything for this woman.

"Not the sort you think, no."

"But there is trouble." Catherine insisted.

"Probably..." Sara admitted, "Cath, I have to do this but don't ever underestimate how hard walking away from you is right now. I promise if I make it out of this alive. We'll have that talk we both know we need." Sara finished, telling Catherine more than she had intended to tell her.

"What do you mean if you make it out alive?" Catherine asked in concern and worried, fearing the worst at hearing Sara say something like that.

"Trust me, Cath." Sara pleaded softly, knowing that she was asking a lot of Catherine with that one simple statement.

%%

"So... you did miss me a little then." Faith smiled as she pulled out of Sara's bone crushing hug. "Because a girl could get the impression she wasn't wanted with the welcome I got."

"You crawled through the window at my crime scene with my boss downstairs. What were you expecting, me to dance a jig."

"You never minded me crawling through your window before."

"Yeah, I was getting sex out of that little deal. That's why."

"Well, we could throw some in." Faith suggested with a raise of her eyebrows.

"Not a hope in hell." Sara replied digging Faith in the ribs just to make her point.

"No... You're getting that from someone else, right?" Faith winked.

"No but I'm not messing up the chance to get some just so I can have sex with you, no offense, although the sex was great with you.

"How can I take offense after you admitted that I'm a great lover," Faith replied with a smug, pleasing smirk.

"Yeah, you were," Sara smiled remembering the pleasure they used to give to each other. The times when all they wanted was to touch each other's bodies and be inside each other, when the world outside their bodies didn't existed at that moment, shaking off the memory, Sara continued, "Now enough banter, talk to me Faith, what the hell's going on?"

"Down to business already?.. Okay, I can dig that."

Taking a seat Faith waited for Sara to sit down before she started her explanation.

"What do you know about the crime scene you were at today?" Faith questioned taking a mouthful of the beer she had been drinking while she waited for Sara to answer.

"Not a lot." Sara confessed, closing her eyes as she tried to remember exactly what Catherine had told her on the way to the scene. "Two DB's, Male and Female. Male early 30's, female late twenties." Sara paused again taking a drink from her own bottle as she tried to remember the rest. "The house belonged to a Mr & Mrs Wright, and from pictures in the house we assumed that they were our Vic's. COD seemed to be a single stab wound to the chest, but I haven't had a chance to talk to Doc to get any details on that. What does this have to do with you guys?"

"Anything about the scene strike you as odd?"

Sara had a rather uneasy feeling because she was sure Faith already knew the answer to this.

"There was a photo in the master bedroom I recognised the guy in it, couldn't tell you where from though."

"Would it help to jog your memory if I told you that the wife's maiden name was Addison?"

"Addison, Addison." Sara repeated the name a couple of times searching her memory banks for the information. "As in Christopher Addison as in the guy I arrested for killing on my first night in Vegas." Sara asked springing out of her seat to pace the room.

"One and the same," Faith confirmed.

"Well that's just great. What's next, you're going to tell me that the wounds in their chests were caused by a Polgara Demon."

"Probably but we'd need someone who can get to the bodies to tell us that."

"Humph, I take it that's where I come in."

"You are a clever girl Sidle?"

"Piss off Faith,"

"Temper, temper," Faith admonish, while smiling.

"Faith,"

"What."

"I hate you."

"No you don't, you just got too used to living in suburbia."

Sticking her tongue out Sara continued her pacing. "So why do Polgara Demons have it in for this family."

"Well that's what Giles sent me here to find out, with your help, of course."

"Oh... Of course," Sara paced for a moment more, "See what I don't get is why Polgara Demons. I mean they really are not that smart, right?"

"Well not normally but something is going on."

"Well thank you for that insight," Sara smiled ignoring Faith's glare. "Could someone or something be controlling?"

"Sar' I kill things, nice and simple. So you're going to have to fill your own gaps if you want any other information, because the killing is all I know about, and I like it that way.

"Great, they couldn't have sent Willow."

"Willow's in Peru."

"Peru? And we get Polgara Demons in Vegas?.... Come on."Sara beckons Faith as she started to walk out.

"It's like four in the morning, where are we going." Faith questioned.

"Vegas- and more importantly the crime lab, that never sleeps. First thing, I need to get a good look at those bodies, make sure the cause of death was by a ruddy great skewer. Plus the sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can heal from my horrific past and get on with life."

%%

"Hello, Doc." Sara greeted Dr Robins as she walked in the morgue looking for him.

"Sara, what brings you down here?" Dr. Robbins asked looking up from the body he was sewing back up.

"I'm working the Wright case with Cath; I needed a copy of your report, if you're done."

"Have you talked to Catherine, because I've already gave her one."

"Well she's at home and I kind wanted to impress her a little but if it's too much trouble." Sara said as nonchalantly as possible and waited for Dr Robbins to take the bait.

"Trying to work that sidle magic hey? No trouble." Robbins smiled as he went to find the report.

Moments later report in hand Sara followed Robbins over the drawers as the Dr pulled one out to give Sara a close up off the wounds.

"Wow. That's a nasty looking wound. Something like that could kill you." Sara joked looking at what was undoubtedly the handing work of a Polgara Demon. "Thanks Doc, I'll read up on this and wow, Cath a bit." Sara winked making her way out of the room.

%%

"It's so cool that you work for the CSI, we actually get to look at these without the threat of imprisonment."

"Speak for yourself, if anyone found out I showed you these I'm in deep trouble."

"You don't swear so much anymore." Faith noted with a faint smile remembering the Sara she used to know, the Sara who couldn't get through a single sentence without a swear word.

"Cath has a swear jar, so I had to learn new words or get a better paid job."

"A swear jar?" Faith raised an eyebrow in question.

"She doesn't want Lind's to pick up to many bad words."

"Lind's?"

"Faith, have you been listening to me for the last few months? Lind's is Cath's daughter, the one I'm always talking about. Well Lind's and Jerry, they're good kids."

"Wow... You really have settled down here, haven't you? Little miss with her wife and kids." Faith said teasingly.

"Guess I have never really thought about it. Part of me still think that being with you guys is where I was meant to be but I guess this really is home now. Well I guess more truthfully is that home is wherever Cath and Lind's are, because I want to make a home with them."

"Wow.... This really must be cramping your style." Faith said in wonderment.

"No.... Part of me will always miss the hunting of demons, and evil things, there is something in me that will always miss that. If I hadn't met you guys, then I think I would've been like Sam and Dean. Someone who spend their lives going from town to town killing the evil things that exist in this world but most people don't know about. "

"The Winchesters, now they're some serious demons butt kickers."

"So are we." Sara smiled.

"Well right now we need to find our demon." Faith pointed out what she felt was a fair point.

"Yeah, I think we should see if there are any more siblings out there. I can do that at work."

"Yeah, but I think we should get some sleep first."

Sara was about to disagree, she wanted this over with. It struck her that while Faith was sleeping she could get to have some sort of breakfast with Catherine. It would be too late for her to take her out somewhere but she knew that if she went to Nancey's then she more than likely see Catherine there.

"Good idea." Sara smiled.

%%

"It's a little after six in the morning, there is a good reason for you rummaging around my kitchen right?" Nancy groggily questioned Sara as she watched the brunette go through her pantry.

"Damn, you're awake. I wanted to surprise you guys with breakfast when you got up." Sara smile, arms full of ingredients as she moved to place them on the kitchen counter. "By the way, I can understand you being awake but what are you doing in the kitchen?"

"I heard someone making a noise in the kitchen, the kids are still asleep, what was I supposed to do?"

"I could have been a mass murderer."

"No, but I might be one, if you don't make me coffee."

"Whoa, look who woke up all grumpy." Sara teased handing over the cup she had been drinking.

"Who woke me up and made me all grumpy? Huh," Nancy sticks her tongue out at Sara, taking a seat at the table so she could watch Sara work.

Half hour later, Nancy was a little more a wake as Sara placed a plate of pancakes in front of her, before she headed off to get the kids up.

"Sar,'" Nancy called just as Sara was leaving the room.

"Yeah?"

"You do know that Cath will be here soon."

"For once," Sara smiled slipping her head back around the door "I'm counting on it."

Sara watched with a content smile as the figures in bed groaned a little but made no move to get out of bed. Faith's words came back to her: _'No, you don't, you just got too used to living in suburbia.'_ She realised that yes she had and she hadn't even noticed and more than that she liked it. Hand on heart she knew that given the chance she wanted to be the one there every morning helping Catherine raise Lindsey.

Pulling on Lindsey's feet a little Sara waited for a reaction.

"No." Lindsey groaned wriggling out of reach.

"Fine," Sara laughed. "Nanc and I will have to eat all the pancakes I made."

"Sara?" Lindsey pushed up on her elbows. "Wow I didn't realise you were here."

"Sara." Jeremy sat up in bed looking over at the two women. "Cool."

"Get up you two, so you can have something to eat before you get ready for school."

Two tired children finally pulled themselves out of bed and the three of them made their way to the kitchen just in time to see Catherine coming in through the back door.

"Hey Cath," Sara smiled as the three other occupants of the room held their breaths.

Opening the back door Catherine entered the kitchen with one thing on her mind, she needed coffee. Finding Sara in her sister's kitchen had been the last thing she had expected. When the brunette had clocked off at the end of her shift Catherine had not expected to see her that day or conceivably even that evening at work.

"Cath?"

It took Catherine a moment to realise Sara was talking to her. But she couldn't answer she was too confused about the situation. Sara had told her that whatever she had to do was life or death and here she was having breakfast with her sister. Had it been just a ploy to get out of having to spend time alone with the red head?

"Cath,' Sara called again, started to get a little bit worried when Catherine had not answered her or seems happy to see her.

To Catherine the concern in Sara's voice was evident and something in it struck her. Sara must have know that she was going to turn up here, must have known that Catherine would be there to see her daughter. _'Whoa maybe she came to see me?'_

"Sara what are you doing here?" Catherine asked, decided to question first before blowing up about what could be just an innocent situation.

"Making wicked pancakes." Lindsey informed her mom around a mouth full of pancakes.

"I thought you were busy?" Catherine threw in, snagging a pancake waiting to gage Sara's answer.

"Yeah, well there was an unanticipated lull in proceedings."

Catherine was aware that this could go one of two ways, she could push Sara till the younger woman probably lose her temper and left. Although Catherine was desperate to know what was going on she knew that plan b would work out better for all involved, so she decided to take what Sara had said at face value and just enjoy the fact that Sara had come to have breakfast with them.

"Well I will say one thing.... Lind's is right, these pancakes are amazing."

Sara smile, breathing a sigh of relief that Catherine had not blow-up and had trust her enough to take her answer at face value.

%%

Sara was a relieved woman, she was pretty sure Catherine still had about a million questions she wanted to ask but breakfast had gone without a hitch. Sara was also sure that Catherine was still a little miffed that their meal had not been alone. Sara had come to realise though that dating Catherine would undoubtedly lead to having more time with Lindsey, Jeremy and Nancy and not so much alone time. It was funny to think that they could get more alone time at work. It was something Sara was more than willing to take on, it was a full package deal with Catherine and Lindsey, and Sara would have it no other way.

"What's this?"

Sara was lost in her own world and had not noticed that Catherine had come down, from making sure Lindsey was actually getting her school clothes on, till she spoke.

"What's what?" Sara tried to clarify; she was beginning to think Faith had had the right idea wanting to get some sleep. It had been a long day and now Catherine was talking in riddles.

"These." Catherine held up two folders, the folders Sara had gotten from Robbins.

"They're Doc Robbins report on our stiffs."

"Why do you have them?"

"Well funny thing is I'm working the case." Sara joke, trying to avoided the question.

"If you needed them for the case, you would have come to me like always. You need to see files, go see the lead, that's how it work....So no, this is something more, something that has nothing to do with the case. Does it have anything to do with the girl who was in the lab with you this morning? Is that when you picked these up?"

"Whoa, how do you know I was at the lab? You're following me now." Sara accused.

"Please Sidle, don't flatter yourself. You clocked out on time but I still had things to do. Judy mentioned seeing you with a young woman."

"So what? You're jealous now." Sara smirked, Catherine rolled her eyes sometimes there really was no talking to Sara. She would throw up her defences in the hope you would get fed up and leave her alone. _'Not this time though.'_ Catherine thought to herself, taking a step closer.

"No, I'm not jealous. I'm just wondering what is going on with you?"

"Her name's Faith." Sara sighed, deciding to tell Catherine as much as she can, "We went to the same high school, she needs help and I'm it."

"So some girl turns up and you have to run after her. You can't even make time to have a meal with me."

"I came here, we had breakfast." Sara reasoned.

"Well no offence to the others but what I had planned had less of an audience."

Nancy who had been guiltily eavesdropping till this point cleared her throat. "Just to clear things up, you two both know the other likes you, right." When they both sighed a little Nancy sighed. "Thank god, it was getting difficult."

"You knew!" Sara and Catherine said in surprise.

Both women turned to face her.

Nancy was glad that she had managed to nip in the bud what could've so easily turned in to a fight, she wasn't too sure she liked the way the two women were looking at her now, though.

"Don't even think about trying to put me on the defense or whining about me knowing and not telling" Nancy told them hands on hip. "You would have freaked if I betrayed either of you, trust me. Look, act like adults; sort it out, cause this fighting is getting old." Nancy walked out off the room, leaving Catherine and Sara to decide whether they wanted to act like adults or continue to act like high school kids.

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**Please let me know what you think it really does mean a lot.  
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	17. Sidle, Sara Sidle

**Thank you all for sticking with me and thank you to all the people who have reviewed it really dose mean a lot.**

**A/N: This chapter and probably the next cover some of Sara's back story.  
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Sara let herself in her apartment, lost in thought. Up until Nancy's statement about the fights she and Catherine had becoming old, Sara hadn't stopped to think about them from other people's point of view. It must be off putting for the others to have to see it all the time. She wondered what it did to Lindsey, wondered if it made her think of her dad.

The rest of the morning with Catherine was nice and she had been very careful not to talk about the case and what was going on. They had dropped the kids of at school and then Sara had driven Catherine home. Sara was sure she could keep herself warm for a week using the smile Catherine had given her when Sara had told her to sleep well.

"Had a nice morning, dear?" Faith tone was mocking as Sara entered.

"OK what's up?" Sara frowned throwing her keys on the table by the door and shrugging of her jacket. She couldn't see Faith's face as she hung her jacket on the coat hooks by her front door, but she could hear the sigh that escaped though.

"You've been gone a while."

"And what are you now, my mother?"

"No, I can't be since I'm still alive."

Sara's eyes darkened dangerously, so much so that it might have intimidated Faith if she wasn't a slayer.

"That was out of line." Sara growled dangerously.

"Get over it, will you." Faith shot back, she was aware she was out of line but apologising really wasn't her thing.

"Just leave my past out of this." Sara warned stepping closer to Faith, giving her another warning glare. "What is your problem?"

"You've been out too bloody long."

"You were sleeping, so what's the problem?"

"I was resting up for what could be a dangerous battle and you were wasting time."

"Wasting time!?" Sara had to try not to laugh; when the hell had Faith become the responsible one in their relationship. "Sorry if my having a life is an inconvenience but just remember you guys' dumped me here to have one."

"Life? Huh," Faith huffed. "Mopping around after that blonde isn't a life."

"THAT blonde has a name." Sara pointed out. "It's _Catherine_ and what does spending a couple of hours with Cath, Nace and the kids have to do with what we're doing. I'm here, aren't I? You haven't been waiting for hours, have you? And as far as I know no one died because I was making pancakes."

"My point is you have lost your edge."

"You think?" Sara snorted. "I hate to point it out to you but I'm a CSI in a lab in Vegas, so there isn't much call for an edge. Think I can't cut it, Faith, there's the door, feel free to go after the demon on your own."

"Star never took your eyes of the ball." Faith huffed.

Sara's whole body stiffened at the mentioned of that name. Pain that she tried to clamp down on took hold of her heart. "Don't ever mention her name, Faith I swear to God." Sara raged turning on Faith.

"What? So I can't even say her name?" Faith asked outraged. Star had been her friend too.

"Don't mention her again and we'll be fine."

"Do you ever talk about her or you just don't do it with me?" Faith pondered aloud

"Faith, we helped kill her. She was my Star and we helped kill her, so no I don't want you to ever say her name."

"Ever letting that guilt go? Huh."

"No time soon, and it should never be gone. It's well deserved." Sara stated matter of fact.

"Does she still scream your name in your sleep," Faith asked softly.

"Every night," Sara sighed. "Look Star had one thing Cath doesn't."

"What?" Faith asked thinking she could think of about a hundred things Star had on the older woman.

"Star knew what we did and where we went and what we faced. She didn't like it all the time but she helped when she could. Catherine doesn't know she was keeping me from anything or she wouldn't have."

"No?"

"No! And for the record Catherine didn't keep me from anything. I'm the one who decided that I would whether spend the morning with her instead of going to sleep like you did."

"Fine," Faith conceded but wasn't happy about it, Sara could tell.

"So why don't you like Catherine? What the hell has she ever done to piss you off?"

"Nothing," Faith snapped out a little too quick for Sara to believe.

"Come on, what is it?"

Faith looked at Sara silently for a moment, not wanting to answer Sara's question, but finally she broke her silent with a question of her own, "You liked her, even back when we were first here, didn't you?"

"I was attracted to her, yeah." Sara admitted confuse as to where Faith was going with her question.

"Why?"

"Faith, what does it matter? So I liked her when I first met her, big deal." Sara snapped, still confused.

"It matters to me because I think even back then she was a part of the reason you stayed." Faith accused.

"I stayed because you all wanted me to. Because my brother stood there; and I couldn't say no to him, since I love him too dame much. Catherine didn't have anything to do with that." Sara exclaimed defensively.

Sara was reeling; this was getting out of hand, what started as a little disagreement over time management was fast slipping out of hand. The core of the conversation she conceded was a much needed one. She and Faith had a habit of never confronting things between themselves. Maybe if this didn't descend in to an all out fight they both might find what they needed to move their relationship on from ex's who sometimes got on really well, to friends. Sara had to smile at thought of friendship between her and Faith. She and Faith friends, huh, who would have thought it; they never had that middle ground. Faith was a slayer and Sara had always respected that but for a long while that had been as far as it went. It had seemed though once they had started sleeping together they had made themselves like each other because it beat being alone in the crazy world they lived in. Now though, Sara wanted more than a shared need to kill demons to be their common bond.

"Nothing? Huh," Faith said in disbelieve, she wasn't buying Sara's explanation.

Seeing Faith's look of disbelieve at her statement that Catherine had nothing to do with her staying in Las Vegas, Sara decided that if explaining her relationship with Catherine would form a bond that was more than just a share joy at killing demons between her and Faith, she would start there.

"She was beautiful," Sara smiled and Faith rolled her eyes.

"You wanted to know why I was attracted to her, so stop rolling your eyes and listen." Sara scolded gently, she was trying and deep down she knew Faith would too. "I didn't notice at first because I was in cuffs and Az was mad at me and I was worried that you guys might get caught. Something about her caught my attention after a little while and I just looked up and she was there, standing right in front of me and at that moment I thought she was amazing. Her hair, her body, her eyes, the way she smell, those things caused a physical reaction in me, giving me a very pleasing warm glow in the pit of my stomach."

"You wanted her." Faith stated quietly, in a tone that Sara never heard from Faith before. She was used to full on Faith; she realized she just caught a glimpse of the side of Faith that was vulnerable and sensitive, a side that most people never thought was there, let alone caught a glimpse of.

"Yeah, at first that's all it was and it didn't matter because I was going to get out of there and we would be out of Vegas. It changed though, she's an amazing CSI. She put so much passion into whatever she does, that's what got me, made it more than just lust. Even then I knew she'd push me to the limits, challenge me and make me want to scream. I also knew and do still believe given the chance we'll be amazing together."

"See that pisses me off." Faith snapped emotionally.

The emotion in Faith's voice took Sara by surprised and confused her. They really were going to get everything out between them before they could even think of working this case, it needed to be done.

"Which part?" Sara questioned.

"All of it, I was never more than filling was I?" Faith asked trying to keep all the emotions she was feeling out off her voice.

"I didn't think I'd ever feel again after what happened. My feelings for Catherine took me by surprise as much as they might have you." Sara said defensively.

"Say her name." Faith demanded.

"Catherine."

"No, you know what I mean. Say her name."

"Why, what's the point?" Sara asked aggravated.

"Just say her name for god's sake." Faith snapped angrily.

"Star," Sara shot back angrily.

"Her. Name. Say. It." Faith forcefully, demanded, determined not to let Sara get away with avoiding saying the name.

"Ashleigh Jonson." Sara spat out, it was the first time she could remember saying Star's full name since her funeral. Sara had stared at a very dark place when Star had died and not talking about her was Sara's way of making sure she never went there again. It seemed though Faith had different ideas today.

"Wow. Whoa, you said it and the world didn't end. Shocking." Faith sarcastically said.

"What do you want from me, Faith?" Sara asked coldly, hating that Faith had force her to say the one name she had been determined for years never to say again.

"I want you to stop beating yourself up. I want you to stop seeing me as the person who helped kill Ashleigh. I want you to admit we had something special." Faith answered emotionally.

"I will never stop beating myself up, Faith. Ashleigh was special, very special and because I trusted in you above what she thought and what the others thought I let you play me. And during that whole time you were working for the Mayor and you reeled me in. Hand on heart and telling me that he wouldn't be able to ascend. But he wouldn't have been able to kill all the people he did on Graduation if you and I hadn't cast that spell and killed a bus full of innocent people, giving him way more power than he would have ever had if you hadn't played me into casting that spell." Sara stated trying to be as unemotionally as possible in recanting the past that had almost destroyed the little bit of herself she had left after her childhood.

"No, and the truth is that he needed that, and you played me into giving it to him, all the while making me believe that I was taking away his power by casting the spell, stupid me actually believed your bull shit until it was too late. He needed me to cast that spell because he knew that I hold the protection of the innocent as a sacred thing, so to have me who would die for the innocent actually cast a spell to kill them was the ultimate gift he needed to get more power. You knew that, you knew and you still played me into giving him that gift. Unfortunately, I didn't pay the ultimate price for stupidly trusting you, my Star paid, with her life. It was a horrible, unforgivable mistake what we did and we both will spend the rest of our lives trying to balance that out." Sara stated coldly.

Unable to keep quiet what she buried deep inside of her since it happened, Sara continued, still keep herself from feeling the emotions the memories were bringing up in her, "She's dead. She died in my arms, bleed to death, Faith and yeah you're right... she still calls my name in my sleep, still fades away in my arms. We were meant to spend the rest of our lives together. So, no, I won't stop blaming either of us for her death."

Faith had stood there listening to Sara, never taking her eyes off Sara, wishing that the words Sara was saying were just that 'words' not the memory of things that she wished had never happened, but Faith learned a long time ago, that wishes were for those who could afford them and she could never afford them, so she wasn't going to start trying to afford them now, and reality no matter how bad it was, was the only thing that was worth counting on and the only thing she was always able to afford, so she was going to give Sara a little reality, a painful reality but a reality that Sara needed to face.

"You have to or you have to leave this town and leave Catherine behind. How the hell can you say you love her when you still carrying Star around like that, still carrying that much guilt and anger. All you will do is end up hurting her and yourself, not to mention her kid, who will be hurt if/when she gets hurt by you. You can't have them both... baby, you have never let go of Star." Faith said, softly, hating that she was the one who had to tell Sara this, but hey, in her experience reality has never been fun or painless.

Sara sagged in the chair nearest to her, all the fight leaving her body. Holding her head in her hands she was silent for a moment before she spoke.

"I'd be running for ever." Sara said dejectedly, feeling the truth in Faith's words.

"Yeah, you would. So you have to choose the living or the dead; because, the dead and the living can't co-exist, at least not for long." Faith said sadly as she went to sit in the chair closes to Sara, putting her hand gently, softly on Sara's defeated shoulder. Not really knowing how to comfort Sara, she was never good at comforting people, killing demons was her talent and where she was more comfortable. Everything else in life, especially emotions that excluded anger, was just a maze that she tries to walk through without messing up too badly.

As Sara felt Faith's hand on her shoulder, Sara slowly leaned her head back on the chair's headrest, closes her eyes and opened one of the many a boxes that was in her mind, a specific box that she had shut tightly close in order to survive but that was needed to be open now, memory flow freely as the box open.

_"'Ashleigh Jonson." Electric green eyes beamed down at Sara where she sat in the shade of an old tree on the school's grounds._

_'Sidle, Sara Sidle.' Sara stumbled over her words as the owner of the green eyes gracefully sat on the ground next to Sara._

_Sara wasn't used to many people speaking to her. She had her group of friends Willow, Xander and Jesse. That was it though; her brother being a senior and a bit of a jock meant that she never got any trouble from the other students but that was all it meant. So for one of the most beautiful girl in the school to come sit with her, it was a little strange. _

_'So, Sidle, Sara Sidle. Now we're friends right.' Ashleigh tease Sara, smiling at her._

_Sara had fallen in love with Ashleigh and her smile in that instant. She had always know she was different from other girls, she knew they all swooned over some boy, in a moment of pure clarity Sara realised that she wasn't just a late developer, she liked girls._

_'You shouldn't be out here alone Sidle, Sara Sidle you'd do much better if you gave us living creatures a chance.' Ashleigh suggested, while looking deeply into Sara's eyes, causing Sara to lose herself in those beautiful green eyes of hers._

Sara smiled at the memory of her first meeting with Star. It was as if she was giving her advice from beyond the grave. Of course Sara would choose the living, letting go of Star once and for all though would be hard.

"Seems I have a few kinks to work out," Sara stated quietly, sadly at the thought of letting Star go but hopeful at the thought of a future with Catherine." Thank you, Faith for pulling my head out of the sand. I had convinced myself that I had moved on. Seems all I'd done was move."

"I just know the signs, been on that edge remember." Faith reminded her, with a sad smile.

"Yeah, and it wasn't good, Faith."

Sara stood up and Faith did as well. When Faith stood next to her, Sara put her arm around Faith's shoulder, in a 'thank you' gesture.

"You were right. We did have something special. We were there for each other when we both needed it most, nothing will change that." Sara told Faith softly and tenderly.

"Yeah, well enough of this emotionally, whatever jazz now. Let's get to my favourite hobby: Kicking some butts."

"We're good, though, Right?"

"Yeah we're good."

"Do we even have a plan?" Sara asked wandering out of her bathroom, drying her hair. After their epic (at least to them) heart to heart Sara had insisted on a shower before they got down to business.

"Do we even know what we're facing?"

"Well…" Sara started only to be cut off by her phone.

Pulling her cell from her pocket Sara checked the display and frowned when it came up as Catherine's extension from the lab. Sara just looked at the display for a moment weighing up whether to answer or not to answer; talking to Catherine was difficult at the moment when there really was nothing she could say to ease the older woman's fears. The call was coming from the lab though and figuring it could be important Sara answered.

"Sidle," Sara erred on the side of caution just her luck, Grissom was using Catherine's line as Sara purred something seductive. Sara was adamant that if that ever happened she would never go to work again.

"Sara, we need you to come in."

Catherine cut straight to the point.

"Hello Catherine. How are you? I'm fine, not busy I'll just drop everything."

"Please we need to talk to you."

"Who's we and what have I done?" Sara asked warily.

"Grissom and I need to talk to you, and I can't talk about it with you over the phone."

Sara sighed looking at her watch. "I'll be there, give me half an hour." Sara told her hanging up. "Well that can't be good." Sara shook her head looking at Faith.

"What's up?"

"I've been summoned by Catherine and Grissom. When two supervisors want to talk to you, it can't be good."

%%

"So," Sara knocked on the open door frame of Catherine's office as she leant her lanky frame against it.

"Ah Sara you're here, good." Grissom stood from his seat next to Catherine and motioned for Sara to take a seat opposite them.

"Close the door." Catherine instructed as she watched Sara move in to the room.

With the door shut and Sara seated Catherine pushed the manila folder that was in front of her towards Sara.

"A folder," Sara commented raising an eyebrow looking at them both.

"Yes, it's a file we've just been made aware of and it's something that we think compromises your position on the case you're working with Catherine for swing."

"Let me guess that little folder tells you that one of our vic's was related to Christopher Addison, his sister actually. Since you all thought I killed him, you think it might be a bit unethical, if not distasteful to have me working this case." Sara asked folding her arms and leaning back in her seat. Inside she was silently cursing, she had been banking on them taking a little longer to work it out, she needed to be in on this case a little longer in case there was information she and Faith needed. Look like it was going to have to be an old fashioned hacking job. _'Hope I've still got it.'_ Sara mused.

"Sara, please," Grissom removed his glasses in order to clean them. Catherine just smirked at Sara.

"Wasn't going to put it like that, but you're right." Catherine shook her head. "Please stop pouting, what are you? Two yrs old." Catherine teasingly admonished, knowing exactly why Sara was pouting.

"You did think I'd killed him, though." Sara replied this time talking more to Catherine than Grissom, keeping her pouting in place.

"Did I or didn't I say nothing had been proven?"

"You said as much implied in this very room, you were letting a killer lose to roam the streets."

"I was angry."Catherine defended her past words.

"Because they took your case," Sara stated

"Because you had been a brat all night and…" Catherine paused flushing a little remembering Grissom was still in the room, no way she was going to tell Grissom that Sara had gotten her pretty hot and bother that night.

"And…" Sara smirked, having an idea of what Catherine was about to confess.

"Well." Grissom took charge of the conversation, to him this was about to become a Catherine and Sara side show and he didn't need a migraine. "Regardless of what anyone thought, Christopher died and now his sister is dead and we think it would be difficult for you to work the case."

"Whatever. You think I can't do it, cool. I'll just work grave." Sara stood to leave no point in fighting, she might have been able to talk Catherine into cutting her some slack but not Grissom and she suspected that was the reason Catherine had made sure he was there.

"No, actually we think it would be best if you took a couple of days off. Paid of course," Grissom told her. Sara had to smile at the look on his face it was one of a bomb disposal worker trying not to set off the bomb.

"We do, do we?" Sara asked, looking at Catherine to see if she agreed with Grissom's suggestion, no more like an order.

Catherine shrugged, trying to convey that it had been Grissom's bright idea, but she kind off agree with him.

Sara had to admit that as much as she hated to have to take time off work, the time would come in handy now that she was of the case she could give all her time to Faith.

"I'll see you in a couple of days then." She told them as she got up and started to walk out.

%%

"Well, you don't have to worry about me not having enough time." Sara told Faith as she banged into her apartment. "Although, if you want any inside information on the case; we're going to have to rely on good old hacking." Sara temper got the better of her and the phone note pad and glass bowl on the table in her hall landed on the floor in a crash of breaking parts.

"Whoa, what happened?" Faith asked dodging flying shards of glass and plastic.

"I got removed from the case and given a 'leave' of absent," Sara made quote marks in the air as she said the word leave.

"I guess they know about Addison then."

"Yeah so it won't be long before they work out it's the same MO and they start asking all sorts of questions I can't answer."

"Shit." Faith cursed this was going south fast. "What are we going to do then?"

"Well we need to read that file again I managed to get the print out of the blood work and tox' panel for our vic's before I left the lab, seems word hadn't made it all the way around that I wasn't working the case."

"Good. So clean up you little temper tantrum and then we'll look at these." Faith winked.

%%

"Well if I'm reading this right then she's not totally human."

"Okay, that's a start. All this paper was getting to me."

"Faith, I've been reading these for about three hours, you've been playing Halo."

"So, I have to hone my skills."

"You have to get me a beer while I ponder this." Sara shook her head, Faith was even worse at doing the research side of things than Buffy and that was saying something.

"What we need to do is find out whether Addison was completely human and see if they have any more little half demons running around. What sort of demon is she?"

"Faith, I have no clue I'm just able to tell from the blood work that she's part demon. Thank God, it just shows up as an anomaly or everyone at the lab would be able to tell."

"Will they do more tests on the blood anyway?"

"Yeah, most likely," Sara sighed closing her eyes. Visions of Mia working overtime trying to figure it out sprang to mind. She kind of felt bad she couldn't save her so much time. As it was though Sara realised at some point she would be asked to make the samples disappear. "How the hell do we find out what sort of demon we're dealing with from a blood sample." Sara looked to Faith as she held up the piece of paper she had been studying for ages.

"Using science, I have no clue. I'm a slayer remember and I can only think of one thing that had a sensitive enough sense of smell to figure it out."

"Vampire, I have no idea where the undead hang out in Vegas. Dead dead, I've got cover but I didn't feel the need to introduce myself to the other sort. Not wise without a slayer to have your back."

"Lucky for you then because I've got your back."

"I miss simple days when we all just lost our memories or burst in to song."

"Got to say I would have loved to have seen you guys dancing around; I bet Giles was funny."

"Dancing, yeah. Shit what time is it?"

"A little after six, why?" Faith asked, curiously

"Good I can still make it. I can't believe I nearly forgot."

"What?"

"Faith, you are going to hate me but I need to go out, I'll be ninety minutes tops."

Getting up from the floor, Faith stood over Sara hands on hips looking down at her friend. "You're going to see her again."

"Technically, no," Sara smiled "I promised I'd go see Lindsey dance."

"Dance.... You're going to watch some kid dance... Sara, are you quite aware of what's on the line here?"

"Yeah, a promise I made to a little girl and the small fact that I love her mom."

"People's lives!!" Faith shot back.

"MY life Faith, I want one when you're gone and I can't just curl up and sleep till the next time I'm needed. Look I'm going... Knocking me out is the only way you can stop me from going." Sara told Faith standing toe to toe with her. She knew that if Faith chose to knock her out she would be able to do nothing about it, she just hoped Faith wouldn't feel that was her best option.

"Fine...But if you're not back by eight. I'll go alone." Faith promised Sara.

%%

"I'm not late... Tell me I'm not late." Sara panted as she jogged into the reception of Lindsey's school. She stopped just in front of Catherine, breathing hard, hands on knees trying to catch her breath.

"Just made it," Catherine looked down at Sara and shook her head. "Although Linds thought you wouldn't bothered to show up."

"No way, you told her I'd be here, right?" Sara wanted to know holding her side that was hurting from her running. When the hell she wondered had she gotten so out of shape, she was going to have to take up running again.

"Funny, I couldn't tell her that since I had no clue where you were Sara. You seemed to have forgotten you were coming here for us." Catherine gaze was intense and Sara looked away after a moment. "You made a big fuss out of asking me and then don't show."

"I'm here now, aren't I?" Sara asked guilty, knowing Catherine was right for being a little short with her.

"Yes, well thank you, Sara for gracing us with you presence." Catherine shot sarcastically before turning and heading in the auditorium.

"Cath, I'm sorry." Sara whispered in Catherine's ear as she took a seat next to the older woman. The show was about to start as the last few parents took their seats.

"Eddie was always sorry, but that never stopped him from letting us down, Sara. It never stopped him from hurting us." Catherine hissed as the lights went down. "Look I'm here for Lindsey; I'm not talking about this now."

Sara sat stunned; she had never once thought that by being so mysterious over the last day would remind Catherine of her time with Eddie. There was no way Sara wanted to put Catherine or Lindsey through anything else. She couldn't change who she was or what she sometimes had to do.

Sara slumped down in her seat as the show started, not seeing Lindsey or any of her friends in the first group Sara let her mind wander a little. Was there a way she could keep the slayers secret and still be able to Keep Catherine or after all this time had they gotten this close for Sara to realise that she could never have what she really wanted after all.

* * *

**Thank you for reading =)**

**Please let me know what you think.  
**


	18. Blood Evidence

**Two Chapters if that doesn't get me some reviews then i don't know what will.  
**

* * *

"Well that was harder than I thought and I never want to have to do that again." Sara let out a defeated sigh slumping back in to the seat of her car. She was pretty glad Faith was driving because she wasn't sure her hands would ever stop shaking.

"Well you did it and we really do needed that little vile of blood." Faith pointed out.

"Yeah that felt wrong though stealing from my friends and Mia is going to be in real trouble for losing a blood sample."

"Yeah and if we don't do this people will die Sar. Which would you prefer?"

"I know, I know and I want the death of no more people on my conscience it just never really mattered in Sunnydale. We were normally taking stuff from people who were up to no good, these are good people."

"Who would be well out of their depth if they stumbled on to this, how do you think Blondie would cope dealing one on one with a Polgara Demon?"

"I never want to even think about it!" Sara shuddered it was bad enough that there was a demon on the A rampage in Vegas and that just its presence was coming between her and Catherine, there was no way she wanted to think about any sort of demon being let loose on Catherine. No, that one hit too close to home.

Sara wondered if Catherine or Lindsey would stop being mad at her for turning up late and having to bail as soon as the show was over. Sara wish she could have told the two Willow's women how much she wanted to go out and get something to eat with them. All they had heard though was the fact that she had said no. The disappointment on both their faces would keep Sara awake for a while, till this was sorted.

'Will it be sorted?' That nagging voice that had started at Lindsey's school would not go away. Sara was determined though no matter what it took she would make Catherine and Lindsey trusts her. 'No matter what it takes,' Sara snorted to herself, even she knew that could never be true, could she ever tell Catherine about the things she had seen and done? Would Catherine even believe her or think she was ready for the loony bin her up?

%%

"I haven't been to a cemetery in Vegas since I moved here and in the last hour and a half I've been to three."

"I'm telling you one of these will be good for some sort of evil creep." Faith assured Sara. Pulling the car to a halt at the side of the road Faith reached into the back seat of the car and pulled out two stakes, handing one to Sara, "Might need them."

"You've said that every time. But I'm not leaving it behind just my luck there's a whole legion in there."

"Well maybe not a legion but definitely on the right track." Faith pointed to a man making his way through the graves.

"Whoa, do vampires really still think we dress like that." Sara laughed rolling her eyes. "You would think with the internet they would get with the times."

Leaving the car, the pair entered the cemetery and jogged through the graves to catch up on their target. Once they were within speaking distance Faith called out.

"Excuse me buddy, could you help us?" Faith put on her best helpless female voice.

"I'm sure I could." He smiled turning towards them taking a step towards them. "What can I do for two beautiful ladies wandering through the cemetery alone?" He took another step towards them his smile becoming predatory.

Sara noticed Faith's stance change to match; she no longer stood at ease she was ready to spring into action if needed at any moment.

"Well." Sara noticed the tone in faith's voice had changed too, it no longer had any sign of vulnerability in it, she was the slayer and dead guy with them was about to find out Sara guessed. "I know I was wondering and sure my friend was too, why you guys never dress right."

"Us guys?" He smiled once again taking another step.

"Yeah, vampires," Faith told him calmly and they both watched as surprise showed in his eyes and he took a step back this time.

"Who are you?"

"Well I'm Faith; you might know me better as a slayer." She smirked realising that if he could, he might just have gone pale.

"Me I'm Sara, not a slayer. Although she had taught me some pretty cool moves."

Faith didn't give him a chance to run or attack as she moved on him, hitting him once hard in the face, as he staggered off balance, Faith pressed her advantage and kicked him in the chest causing him to fall over giving faith her opening, she straddled his chest holding her stake over his heart.

"Look, you can leave here on the wind of life to fight another day." Faith told him pressing down a little harder on the stake.

"Like you'll let me live." He scoffed in disbelieve.

"You're just going to have to find out." Faith told him smugly.

"What… What do you want?"

Sara pulled the sample out of her pocket and handed it to faith.

"Tell me what demon this came from?"

"No."

Sara had to admit he was pretty defiant for someone who was a press of a hand from dying for a second time. 'Can someone die for a second time?' She pondered and then tried to refocus, this was no time to go off ponder, she was meant to be watching Faith's back.

"Fine," Faith shrugged pressing down just a little more on the stake.

"Ok! Ok!..OK!" He called frantic. "Let me smell it."

Faith opened the vile and held it in front of him.

"It's human."

"Smell again." Faith told him.

"Lurker,"

"Lurker? Sara and Faith both said at once.

"Yeah, now let me up."

"About that... I lied." Faith told him moments before plunging the stake in his heart. Faith's knee's hit the floor with a thud as he turned to dust and disappeared from under her.

"I didn't think you were going to let him walk out of here." Sara wiped vampire dust off her jeans after helping Faith up.

"No, but I had to tell him something. I think he was fresh too."

"I hate the thought of those people laying their loved ones to rest and then they dig themselves out off the ground."

"Well it kind of goes with the job."

"Yeah and we have another problem that goes with this 'job' right now."

"You mean apart from being coved in vamp' dust,"

"Oh, yeah apart from that,"

"Oh, do tell me please." Faith exhaled through her nose as she brushed more dust out off her hair.

"In the car," Sara looked around herself. Somehow standing in the grave yard didn't feel safe.

%%

"So what disaster awaits us now?" Faith wondered.

"Lurker's are extinct." Sara's face crumpled in confusion. "Is that the right term, do demons become extinct?"

"How the hell should I know? All I can say is I don't think the WWF will be making T-shirts with a Lurker on the front." Faith laughed pulling her knees up to rest on the dash board.

"Faith," Sara hit the slayer on the arm rolling her eyes. "From what I remember from all the books Giles had us reading Lurker's were peaceful race."

"Well they still alive in one form we know that and just guessing that Addison was part Lurker too, then someone has it in for them in a big way."

"Reapers, if you'd ever let me finish Reapers. We're or could still be the only natural enemy of a Lurker."

"Shit Reapers. They're some pretty nasty demons I read that one actually killed a Slayer."

"Yeah, I read that too that's why we need to find out if there are any more siblings in this rather messed up family."

"Why?" Faith wasn't sure she cared if there were any more. She was all for calling in back up and getting the hell out of dodge.

"Well, Miss I don't do the research, Lurker's were hunted by Reapers for a reason. They have this gland and it sacred, some kind of … well some… god I don't know, Giles is good at this stuff not me. It's some kind of oozy stuff and it can render a Reaper powerless and essentially a sitting target."

"Wow, I have a plan."

"God this should be good." Sara rolled her eyes, the last time Faith had been left in charge and had a 'plan' they had all been blown up and several of the potential slayers had died.

"Better than that plan," Faith assured her knowing exactly what Sara was thinking. "Can this gland still work after death?"

"Forget it Faith no way am I going in to work when I'm on leave and desecrating a corpse. No friggin' way. Look let's get back to mine plan. I'll do some digging, find out if there are any more of them and well go talk to them and take it from there, Faith. I live here, remember. I need to be able to show my face again."

%%

"See no corpse desecration needed. Tim and Emily Addison, They live in Summerlin." Sara read from the print out she gotten from her laptop.

"So what, we're going to bust in there and say 'hey Tim, I know you're part demon. We need to borrow some of your oozy gunk.' "

"No Faith, we're going to bust in there and let me do the talking." Sara held Faith's arm so she couldn't get out off the car," I mean it, Faith. These people aren't the bad guys and they don't need scaring to death. Let me do the talking."

"Jesus Sar' trusts me a little."

"Yeah, we had this conversation remembered I tried that, people died."

"Grrr."

Faith growled getting out off the car Sara just rolled her eyes and followed. She knew she was being hard on Faith but sometimes it needed to be that way.

"So what are we going to do then, you've some magic plan to get in here?"

"No I have a magic badge though." Sara smiled pulling out her CSI ID.

"So you're just going to flash your way in the."

"Pretty much,"

%%

"I'm thinking someone beat us to it."

Sara moved forward cautiously drawing her gun and flash light as they approached the front of the house to find the front door ajar. The CSI in Sara took over and she pushed the door gently making sure she didn't touch the handle and disturb any prints that may be there. There was just as much chance that this was a robbery as it was demons attack. Gingerly making her way in to the hall she hugged the wall shining her light in the darkness, first straight ahead down the hall and then once she had established it was clear she swung her light around illuminating the top of the stairs. Moving on slowly Sara entered the living room, the moment she did so she holstered her weapon and flashed her light to the floor. There lay Mrs Addison dead with a now well recognised wound to her chest.

"We need to find Tim and fast. If he dies before we can get any of his…Ooze we'll be Lurker's meat." Sara told Faith turning from the body to find Faith on her knees in the corner. "What you got?"

"Blood demon blood too I think by the looks of it we could have a wounded Polgara around here too."

Sara scrubbed her hands through her hair. Tim Addison was missing and there was probably a wounded Polgara Demon prowling around, _'Well this is just wonderful.'_

"Hummmm" a faint groaning had the two turning quickly, Sara nodded towards the den and Faith led the way. When facing criminals a gun and a badge gave Sara an edge. They both new though that all a demon would do was eat Sara and pick his teeth with the badge.

"Well I think we found Tim." Faith pointed out as they almost stumbled over his bloody body.

"Mr. Addison can you hear me?" Say crouched over the body checking for a pulse.

"My…My wife?" Tim Addison managed to choke out.

"I'm sorry, sir, she didn't make it." Sara told him softly, hating to deliver that little piece of news.

"Why… Why … that thing?"

"Sir, I'm going to cut straight to the point. It was a demon after you because you're part demon too."

When Tim Addison started to cough and shake Sara wondered if she might not have been a little to straight forward with him.

"Well done there, Sar' you've been taking tips from me." Faith smirked.

"We don't have time, Faith, we need his ooze and he's not going to make it."

Sara was horrified when Faith reached into her back pocket and pulled out a knife.

"What the hell is that for?" Sara exclaimed in shock.

"We need his gland and there's no way he's walking out of here." Faith responded matter-fact, ignoring Sara's shock look.

"You can't just cut it out, he's not dead." Sara told Faith vehemently, checking once more for a pulse. It was really weak, but none the less it was there.

"Well sweetie, I don't have time to wait for him to die, do you?"

"Faith no," Sara said determinedly, not willing to go that far.

"People will die if we don't get his gland, people including you and me; if we meet with the Reaper, who's controlling our Polgara Demon."

"It's wrong." Sara choked back tears, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. She could just picture the family in this home preparing for a night in when their lives had been ended forever.

"Tell me something new, do you think I want to do it? I swore I would never take a life again, but we'll be saving lives."

The screech of tires from just outside brought an abrupt halt to their discussion as Sara moved to a front widow to see what was going on.

"Shit." Sara cursed as Brass's car flanked by two patrol cars and Catherine's Denali pulled up across the street from the house. "I still don't want this to happen but I know there's no other way. Now do what you have to and get out of here, I'll meet you at mine when I can." Sara told Faith never taking her eyes from the window.

Hearing the back door slide open and shut Sara closed her eyes and tossed a prayer up to anyone who might listen. She and Faith had been placed in an impossible situation on life; there was never a right answer she just hoped they'd made the right choice. She added a little prayer for herself, she was about to be found at a fresh crime scene by her potential girlfriend, if that wasn't going to add a little kink in the road Sara wasn't sure what would.

"Hands up, LVPD," Brass's gruff call got Sara's attention, she tried to open her eyes only to find a flash light blinding her.

"Get that bloody lights out off my eyes and for the love of God no one shoot me." Sara held her hands up in a sign of peace. She smiled sadly inwardly at the confused looks on Catherine's and Brass's face as Catherine snapped on the over head light and everyone realised it was Sara.

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**Thank you for reading =)**

**Press the green button you know you want to!  
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	19. Déjà vu

**Another chapter for you guys i hope I'm keeping you all interested. **

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"Does anyone else have the distinct feeling we've been here before?" Brass's asked taking a seat behind his desk waiting for Catherine and Sara to take seats in the remaining chairs.

His comment was met with silence as Sara fidgeted in her chair trying not to look guilty. She had some empathy for certain suspects all of a sudden. Though she was not guilty of the crime that had been committed she didn't feel any less guilty for putting everyone through, this especially Catherine. She took a sideway glance at the older woman and Catherine avoided her eyes.

Catherine had neither looked at nor spoken to Sara since they had left the crime scene.

"Look, lets just get this over with." Brass plowed on. "I suppose Grissom should be here but it's a swing case and you were working swing, so Catherine will be okay to handle this. Look, Sara no one here is blaming you ok. I just need a statement. To tell you the truth we're worried about you."

"I can't do this." Catherine announced standing up. "Call Grissom if you need to, I just…" Catherine paused looking at Sara. "Give up." She shook her head moving towards the office door.

"No, no, no way in hell can you just give up on this now, Cath." Sara told her standing from her chair trying to block Catherine's exit.

"See you around Sara."

Sara looked forlornly at Brass, hoping for the chance to go after Catherine.

"Go." Brass sighed shaking his head. "Just don't leave the building, I still need that statement."

"Thanks."

%%

"Cath, please,"

Sara caught up with Catherine just in time to stop her from leaving the building. _"Just don't leave the building I still need that statement."_ Sara wondered how serious the officer had been in his statement. She was about to find out anyway because there was no way she was going to get Catherine to stop from leaving the building.

"No, Sara no more, I mean it."

"So just like that, you give up."

"JUST LIKE THAT," Catherine exploded turning towards Sara. She really couldn't believe that Sara had just said that surely even she had to see that this was an almost impossible situation. "Sara." Catherine said a little quieter remembering where they were, she really didn't want to make too much of a scene outside of PD. "For the second time you have been found at a murder scene and truthfully, I don't believe you could kill but you're keeping me so far out in the cold, I can't take it."

"Ok I get that but yell at me, nag me till I give in, hell throw things at me please don't say you give up on me though."

Sara looked so sad Catherine faltered for a moment; her head was telling her to leave there and then while she had the chance. Her heart, not for the first time though saw something in Sara that would not let her turn away, wouldn't let her walk to her car. Taking a step closer to Sara, Catherine took a deep breath before meeting the younger woman's eyes.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't get in that car and drive the hell away from you Sidle?" Catherine challenged her.

Sara though for a moment, what did she have to make Catherine stay, was it even fair to ask. She had spent the last few hours talking and thinking about Star. Just the thought of what had happened to her was enough for Sara to let Catherine get in her car and never even look back. There was that nagging voice that said it could be different this time, that Catherine was in danger every day it was their job after all. That was the voice that was winning right now.

"Because if you leave me now, I'll be lost,"

Sara's voice broke at the end of the sentence, which coupled with the look in the younger woman's eye's pulled Catherine into her arms.

"Call me mental but I couldn't have left." Catherine confessed from the safety of Sara's embrace. "You have to give me something though Sara. I trust you, I really do and that is important if we ever want anything to come from the feelings we seem to have for each other."

"You really do have feelings for me that aren't murderous ones?" Sara joked, smiling a little.

"Yeah I have warm fuzzy one's that scare the hell out of me as it is. Then you turn up in a second crime scene with nothing to say for yourself. I need to be able to rely on you for Lindsey and myself, so give me something."

"You know that there is no where on earth that you and Lind's are safer than with me, right?" Sara asked, lifting Catherine's chin so they were looking in to each other's eyes. The intensity of the emotions Sara found in Catherine's eyes stole the breath from her lungs and she released a breath she had no idea she had been holding since she asked the question.

With that much emotion between them Sara found it hard to understand why they had been fighting this for so long. Some people were born to do certain things and she truly believed that she and Catherine had been born to love each other.

"I want to believe that but you're keeping something so deep in there and I get the feeling it's not parking fines."

"You're right of course." Sara sighed reaching down to her pocket for her wallet. The whole truth couldn't get out now but Sara realised she could filled in some of the gapes without saying too much in order to keep Catherine with her. Pulling out off Catherine's embrace she took the blondes hand in her own, squeezing it gently in a silent plea for Catherine to follow. Once she realised she would have the older woman's attention for a while longer she lead them to a bench nearby. Once Catherine was seated next to her, Sara opened her wallet.

Catherine sat in silence not knowing what to expect. She didn't anticipate Sara just spilling everything right there and then, but she guessed it was a good start that Sara was willing to tell her anything. Part of Catherine wondered why she was still there surely any sane person would have driven off. She chanced a glance at Sara and everything in the brunette's eyes told her why she had stayed, it was simple, she was in love_. _It didn't scare her that much at all to be in love with Sara. If feel good, it felt right she was in love with Sara Sidle, it just felt right.

"These," Sara told Catherine pulling a particular photo out of her wallet and showing it to the blonde. "Are my best friends and we gone way back to when I was in school."

"Whoa, Sara Sidle has friends who aren't 12 and 11 and named Lindsey and Jeremy." Catherine smirked, teasing Sara a little.

"Very funny Cath, you want to hear this or not."

"Sorry." Catherine smiled. "I'm all ears."

"They were who I was staying with before I came to Vegas." Sara sighed looking down at the picture, it was a pretty recent one taken on one of her visits to see them. Xander had said something and Dawn was crying with laughter, it was a light moment that only they seemed to find between the moments of impending death. "Most people have friendships based on the most mundane things you'll find. Ours though was forged in a life or death situation, you really can find out a lot about a person in that kind of moment." Sara's thoughts wandered to the first time she had found out what Buffy really was. The night they had been at the Bronze and Willow and Jesse had been picked by vampires. They had lost Jesse and Buffy had lead the rather subdued group back to the library

'" _This world is older than any of you know. Contrary to popular mythology, it did not begin as a paradise. For untold eons demons walked the Earth. They made it their home, their... their Hell. But in time they lost their purchase on this reality. The way was made for mortal animals, for, for man. All that remains of the old ones are vestiges, certain magic's, certain creatures..." Giles had started and Sara had looked around the room she wondered if she looked as confused as Xander__, as lost as Star or as pale as Willow had. She had watched Buffy, how was she so young and been so composed in that sort of situation._

"_And vampires". Buffy had cut in and Sara wondered if Buffy had been worried Giles was about to lose them._

"_Okay, this is where I have a problem. See, because we're talking about vampires. We're having a *talk* with vampires in it." Xander had beaten Sara to the punch, as she was thinking the same thing. There were monsters in the world; she had grown up with one. But that was flesh and blood; they were being told that those things that you were irrationally scared of when you turned out the light were real and in their town. 'The quite little town of Salem's lot!" had popped in to her mind._

"_Isn't that what we saw last night?" Willow had asked and Sara had left her seat to sit next to Willow wrapping her arm around her friend. Sara had looked over her shoulder to Star, her girlfriend was starting to look better maybe it will be her comforting me later, Sara had wondered._

"_No. No, Th-those weren't vampires, those were just guys in thundering need of a facial. Or maybe they had rabies. It could have been rabies. A-and that guy turning into dust? Just a trick of the light," _

"_That's exactly what I said the first time I saw a vampire. Well, after I was done with the screaming part.' Buffy told them.  
_

"_Oh, I, I need to sit down"._

"_You are sitting down Will." Sara had reminded her._

"_Oh. Good for me"._

"_So vampires are demons?" Star had asked._

"_The books tell us the last demon to leave this reality fed off a human, mixed their blood. He was a human form possessed, infected by the demon's soul. He bit another, and another, and so they walk the Earth, feeding... Killing some, mixing their blood with others to make more of their kinds, waiting for the animals to die out and the old ones to return"'_

"Where did you go?" Catherine asked squeezing Sara's leg, getting her attention.

"Sorry, so many memories,"

"Good ones,"

"Good ones, bad ones, some downright terrifying ones." Sara smiled down at the photo, pointing to Xander deciding it was time her worlds collided a little. "That's Xander, well Alexander but we called him Xander, class clown totally but the best friend you would ever ask for you, if you needed him, he would be there, That's Willow, she was the school brain box, she really should have gone on to Harvard or something. She won't let me say this but I have never met a purer person no matter what she has done. There we have Buffy, she's class protector." Sara smiled at Catherine's baffled look. "Our school wasn't like most and people got hurt a lot and well Buffy could help with that, so during the prom party year, we got together and gave her a new prize, Class Protector, she even got a little umbrella statue."

"Class protector, high School couldn't have been that bad." Catherine commented.

Three years of high school rushed through Sara's head culminating in blowing up the school on graduation. _'Not that bad.'_

"I suppose it's what you make of it." Sara smiled. "Any how that's Dawn, Buffy's little sister, she's gone from annoying pre-teen to mature young lady and it's scary. There's Mr Giles, he's been like a father to me since he came to work at the school as the librarian. Finally we have Faith."

"Faith, she'd here in Vegas right now, isn't she? That's who you were talking about."

"Yeah and I made these guys a promise long ago before this photo was taken and before I came to Vegas, a promise that no matter what they needed or when they needed it I would be there. We all made that promise. They came through for me and I need to come through for them. I didn't kill any one and I would never kill another human being." Sara was careful to phrase that just right, she didn't want to lie, and she was just wording the truth better.

"Will you be safe?" Catherine asked the thought of Sara being hurt was something she couldn't shake from her head.

"I can't say yes Cath because I don't want to lie to you, what I can say though is I have never gone out looking for trouble and well I have a bit more of an incentive now, not to chase trouble." She told Catherine holding her hand once more. "When this is over, you will be the first person I come to see, I promise."

"For some strange reason I'll be waiting."

Catherine watched Sara walk back in to the Building. Not knowing what she thought or felt. She just found out more about Sara in the last ten minutes than she knew for the past five years. She felt frustrated though, realising she had scarcely scratched the surface. One thing she was sure of though, she was determined to see this through. She didn't know what she had been thinking trying to walk away as if that was ever going to work.

%%

"I was beginning to think you might have been arrested again." Faith told Sara as she made her way from her room to the lounge after she had shower and change.

"No thank God, else I would have also been sacked. Nothing the boys could have done about it this time either."

Sara sighed pulling her t-shirt over her head, heading to the fridge to get some water. "What did you do with it, because if it's in my freezer, I'm throwing the freezer away when we're done."

"No, it's on ice. Look in that bowl there."

"Gross." Sara wrinkled her nose. "Faith you're ok? I mean I hated tonight and I … well …"

"Didn't have to cut up some guy who was still alive when you started,"

"I was so going to put it better than that but yeah. I know it was something that you would have never wanted to do after everything."

Sara walked back to the living room, dropping in the seat next to Faith pulling the slayer into a light hug, knowing that Faith hated this sort of contact, she kept it short.

"I'll be ok I just keep reminding myself that we needed that gland or a lot of people will die if this Reaper really flexes his muscles. I got to tell you I might not be getting his eyes out of my mind for a while."

"Great, something else to haunt your dreams, lucky you,"

"Anyway, what did Blondie say?"

Sara was well aware Faith was trying to change the subject and was more than willing to facilitate the move, she wasn't sure she wanted to think about any of the Addisons anymore.

"Cath was less than happy but I think we're cool for now. I'm telling you though at some point she is going have to know the truth."

"People who know the truth normally end up dead, you sure you want to take that risk?"

"I think at some point it will come to the point where it's not my choice."

"That's a conversation I would love to hear." Faith managed to smile in spite of the situation. "We need to live trough this little encounter first though."

"Yeah well I've been thinking about that and now that we have the gland, I should be able to make a serum to use on the Reaper. I think we need to take the fight to him, no more people should die, and the stronger he gets the less likely the serum will work."

"Ok I like that plan, one flaw, where do you find a Reaper in Vegas?"

"See I've been thinking about that too, and even in Vegas demons would stick out, so my guess is they not in town at all. About 30 minutes west of Vegas in Red Rock Canyon, there is a load of cave systems out there, dark and isolated place, perfect for demons, especially the Reaper."

"You think that's our best bet?"

Faith would never tell her but she was proud of Sara and the way she was working this. Faith realised that she had been hard on Sara about her lack of focus but there was no denying that Sara was once again back in the zone.

"Well I thought about Death Valley but…"

"That was just to cliché."

"Well that and the fact that It's a couple of hours away, not very practical."

"So get cooking and we'll go check out the canyon."

%%

Hell No!" Sara eyed the sky above them, fear showing in every part of her body. "Nowhere in any of the books does it say they can fly."

The large creature swooped from the sky, landing gracefully on the ground in front of the car sending a small dust cloud up in to the air as it's inhuman clawed feet met the desert floor. The headlights caught the creature in its beam, catching it in an eerie glow against the black night.

"Well if either of us makes it out of here alive, we should see about getting those books updated."

"Damn, straight hate some fool to go in all unprepared."

"Sar,'"

"Yeah?" Sara watched on as the creature made its way to the car.

"That's one of the powers that will be stripped though, right…Right?"

Sara never had the chance to answer as the roof was ripped from the car and she was tossed to the hard desert floor. She was sure she broke some ribs on impact, not having time to worry though Sara tucked the pain away and rolled over, moments before the car crashed down in that exact spot.

"Faith," Sara made it to her knees just in time to see Faith fly backwards across the canyon and hit a rock. Sara got up gingerly making her way over to Faith only to find herself flying straight up into the air.

'Fuck.' Sara swore to herself knowing what was coming next. She also knew that hitting the ground from the height she was at was going to kill her. 'Not going out on my own.' Sara pulled the serum from her inside jacket pocket, thankful to find it in one piece. Taking a deep breath, Sara thought of Catherine was this really going to be where there story ended. Sara has so many moments to treasure just from the last few days and she had gotten to kiss Catherine Willows if that didn't mean she was going to die happy nothing would. Catherine's eyes and smile were prominent in Sara's mind , bringing a calm to Sara, a calm she never knew she could feel because just because of Catherine. With one last thought of the blonde, she plunged the hypodermic into the Reapers leg.

It screeched in in anger, and Sara nearly passed out from the pain in her head, it was so intense as the reapers cry hammered in to her head, then they were both falling through the air as the serum Sara had administered took effect Sara morbidly noted that flying in fact had been one of it's many powers stripped by her serum. With Catherine on her mind, Sara prepared for the inevitable....

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**Dun Dun Dun... How much do you guys hate me now. Well be good boys and girls and tell me what you think and you can have the next part i have it all ready to go. **


	20. Confessions

**How cruel am i for making you wait but here we are chapter 20.**

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Sara groaned in pain and it hit her, she wasn't dead. Not that she minded not being dead but still why she wasn't dead?

"Sara Jesus, I thought you were dead." Faith proclaimed when Sara groaned a little more.

"So did I," Sara managed. "Not that I mind but why aren't I?"

"It still had you while it fell and somehow it managed to slow its decent."

"Wow, I must thank it." Sara's reply was as sarcastic as she could manage.

"Well you're a little late." Faith pointed out.

"You got it." Sara tried to sound excited but she even sounded pathetic to her own ears.

"Yeah, not before it got a bit of me though."

Sara cracked open her eyes enough to see blood seeping through Faith's ripped top.

"You're going to be ok?"

"Yeah, super healing powers remember, I'm more worried about you."

"Just leave me here to die in piece." Sara groaned rather melodramatically.

"Not likely." Faith told her placing her arm behind Sara and helping her to a sitting position. "I need to get you to a hospital."

"No, Faith. No, hospitals, you know how I feel about them. Just get me home. I just need to rest and maybe take a shower."

"Ok but then I'm calling Aaron because I need to split and you shouldn't be alone."

"Hey Faith, next time.... you know there doesn't have to be a demon to make you come see me, friends just visit each other."

"Who knows?" Faith smiled. "I might be coming to a wedding."

Sara groaned in intense pain as she got out off the shower. There was part of her that wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep for a week. The rational part of her told her that she should be on the way to the ER at that very moment. There was no way that was going to happen, there was no way she was going to step foot in the ER department under her own steam. No, that normally only happened with Aaron's boot up her butt. Faith had phoned the lab before she had left but Aaron, Catherine and even Greg had been out in the field. Sara had assured Faith that she would phone again but the overriding need to see Catherine had convinced Sara that the best course of action was actually going to the crime lab herself. She knew that there would be no way she could rest knowing she had left Catherine hanging like that. It was a desperate need in her to be something to Catherine other than Aaron's sister or the rookie CSI. No, she wanted them be friends or possibly even more. That thought could just about make her smile.

She wasn't sure that trying to think about such important issues while in so much pain and under the influence of so many painkillers was the most logical thing. She was going to have to get stronger pain killers or stop falling from the air at great speeds. She had to smile to herself if it all went wrong with Catherine she couldn't hurt her any more than she was hurting in the moment.

Why did she have to work at a crime lab though, she was sure that driving anywhere in her state was a mistake but driving to the crime lab was an even worse idea. They were a bunch of CSIs and she didn't have a plausible explanation as to why she looked like a giant bruise. But there was that damn part of her that was in love with Catherine, the silly part that she had always had no control over. _'God it's going to get me into trouble.'_

Driving turned out to be harder than even she had anticipated, car drive around her, sounded their horns at her as cars speed past as she momentarily lost consciousness from all the painkillers she had swallowed to be able to even get in to her shower and then her car. Never had she been more thankful to drive an automatic. It meant that she never had to take her hand of her ribs. She wasn't sure holding that was helping at all but in her head it felt better and that was all that mattered in the moment. Even with so much medication in her system she was in serious pain and it was making her sluggish. She wondered how many crime scenes she had been to where there had been a car accident due to diver error because they were impaired for some reason, she wondered if her brother or Catherine would have to attend her scene if one of the many cars on the road with her took her out. Maybe she would get Aaron to drive her to the hospital once she had spoken to Catherine.

Sara slumped against the window of the car and let out a small whimper of pain. The cool glass was a relief against her warm skin. She knew she was in trouble the moment breathing became so hard. She closed her eyes for a moment again, wondering how she had ended up in the car park at work rather than calling her brother to just come help her. Catherine's face ran across her mind and she sat up. The sooner she spoke to the Catherine, the sooner she could get something stronger for the pain.

Almost falling from her car she managed to pull herself up and make it to the building. Judy the receptionist gasped as Sara pulled the door open and staggered in.

"I look that bad? Sara tried to wink but realised she didn't even have the energy to do that at that moment in time.

"Miss Sidle, I thought you were on leave."

"I am, I just need to speak to Ms Willows or my brother, are they in the building?" Sara asked clutching her side as once again pain flared down the right side of her body. It hadn't even crossed her mind to check if Catherine or Aaron were in the building before she had driven there. If they were still out in the field Sara had the feeling her cool persona might go out the window as she collapsed in the reception and cried.

"I think so; I'll page them. You don't look like you should be wandering around."

"No it's' ok, I'll find them. I want it to be a surprise."

"It will be that." Judy winced looking Sara up and down.

Catherine slammed the case folder shut and glanced at her watch. She was pretty sure that the hands were just not moving any more. She tapped the face and the second hand carried on its journey around, the face mocking Catherine with its slow pace.

All she wanted to do was get out of here and find Sara. Their conversation outside PD had just served to leave Catherine with more questions then she had had before. The pretty picture of Sara's friends had not answered the fundamental question Catherine had, like 'What the hell was going on?'

She hadn't lied to Sara when she had told her she didn't believe she was a killer. Trouble was dead bodies seemed to turn up every now and again when Sara was around, not because she was a CSI but because of secrets that Catherine was determine to know. Catherine had to wonder if Sara was the sort of person to cover for a killer. Catherine dropped that thought as soon as it formed, there was no way Sara would do that, Catherine sighed, she was just going to have to do as Sara asked and trust the brunette.

There was no way she was going to lose Sara now that they were gaining some sort of friendship and for Catherine that was just the beginning of things to come. So if she had to wrestle Sara everyday just to keep her safe; then so be it.

A light tapping on the door brought her out of her musings.

"Come." She called and waited for the person to appear.

"Hey, Cath," Aaron poked his head round the door. "I'll be quick because I'm in the middle of a 419. Have you seen Sara today?"

"Yes, earlier she was… helping with the case." Catherine lied, if Aaron hadn't heard what happened with Sara then she wasn't going to tell him. There were some things you just didn't put yourself between and Aaron and Sara was one of those things.

"Was she with anyone?" Aaron asked he had heard a rumour that Sara had a friend in town and adding that to the fact that he couldn't find her, he was worried. Sara's friends normally meant there was trouble coming.

"She has a friend in town...Faith I think."

"Faith," Aaron bit down hard as not to say too much, but God he hated that girl. "Sara is ok?"

"I'm not sure." Catherine told him honestly. "You know this Faith girl?"

"Yeah, for my sins and Cath, she's trouble, no matter what Sara says on the matter, if that girl turns up then Sara normally ends up getting hurt somehow."

"Great and there was me hoping that you would quell my fears."

"Not where she's concerned. No wonder I can't get a hold of Sara."

"I've been trying too."

"Keep trying, I'll check in when I get back."

Sara wandered down towards Catherine's office, ignoring the gasps she got from passing tech's and officers. _'You'd think they'd never seen someone looking a little roughing up'_ Sara thought to herself feeling a little self conscious. Finding Catherine's office empty, she headed off to the Break-room guessing that was the next logical place to look, hoping that Catherine had only nipped out of her office to get a Coffee. The Break-room was empty except for Nick reading over a report. Sara groaned to herself when she realised that she was going to have to talk to Nick to find out where Catherine was. She and Nick had never really become friends and she had no idea why that was. They worked well together but that was about as far as it went, to Sara it felt like Nick took every opportunity to knock her.

"Nick, you know where Catherine is?" Sara asked trying to get this over with as quickly as possible

"No." Nick replied not looking up from his report.

"Any ideas?" Sara sighed; this was going to be like all their other none work related conversations.

"No." Nick replied again getting up from the table. "Wow, girl you look bad."

"Thanks." Sara smiled. "Look if you see her; tell her I'm looking for her."

"Sure," Nick replied leaving the room and they both knew that he probably wouldn't.

The pain in Sara's side was almost too much to bear, she could feel the sweat building on her, from the pain and she was getting increasingly tired but she would not stop till she had seen Catherine. _'I'll just sit here for a moment then I'll check the locker room.' _She told herself, darkness claimed her moments after she sat down.

"So, paper work as ordered, boss." Nick said leaning on the door frame of Catherine's office.

"Thank you Nicky, all I have to do know is get Warrick to hand his in and I might just make it out of here." Catherine sighed, placing Nick's file in her in tray and flicking her light off.

"Oh yeah, Captain Sap was looking for you a while back."

"Sara was in?"

"Yeah, why though I have no idea, she looked like she'd just been 10 rounds with Tyson, although she had both ears. I thought it was only Az who dragged himself in no matter what, must be a family thing."

"Is she still here?" Catherine demanded ignoring his comments. There would be time later to talk to Nick about his dislike for Sara.

"How do I know? What does it matter? You can't normally stand the woman."

"It matters a lot Nicky, a hell of a lot." She told him heading off to the Break-room, deciding it was a good a place as any to start.

Catherine knew that there was something wrong with Sara the moment she burst into the Break-room. She lay slumped over on the Sofa and Catherine could see Sara was in pain just from the sweat running off her, she just prayed she could wake her.

"Sar' baby," She tried to nudge Sara gently. "Baby come on please," She tried a little louder. "Come on sleepy head." Catherine shook her and she still did not budge. "Nick, Call 911 and get Aaron here now!"

She didn't wait to see if he was complying with her orders, all she cared about was Sara. She had to be okay, they might finally be moving forward and Catherine was not going to lose her now. "Baby come on, don't you leave me now." She couldn't keep the terror out of her voice and she gentle cooed to Sara running gentle fingers through her sweat soaked hair.

She loved this woman with all that she was, it had never felt like this, not even with Ed and he had given her Lindsey. Thoughts of the little girl brought tears to her eyes. Her daughter was almost as in love with Sara as she was; to lose her now would kill Lindsey too. "Come on wake up, damn you, I need you." Catherine smiled with pure delight as Sara's eyes flickered. "That's it baby, you come back to me."

"Cath," Sara coughed sending shooting pain all over her already tender body. "Hurts," She managed, opening her eyes a little.

"I know baby, help is on its way."

"I came to see you, liked I promised."

"I know I can see that, I'm glad."

"Wanted to see you again.... Think I've had it this time." Sara admitted a tremor in her voice, life sucked. _'Catherine was finally ready to move on and let me in and I'm going to die.'_

"Don't say that."

"Will you miss me?"

"No because you're not going anywhere."

"I love you. Wanted to tell you because I might not get the chance," Sara told Catherine before her eyes closed once more; Sara never got to hear Catherine's gentle declaration in return.

"I love you too baby."

"Doctor," Aaron was on his feet and in front of the doctor that he knew was taking care of Sara. It had not been the first time he had been called to the hospital to see a broken Sara. Somehow this time felt different. Living on a hell mouth had been one thing, but being here with him was meant to be safe and now look at his baby sister.

"Mr. Sidle?" The doctor asked, checking his charts.

"Yeah, I'm her brother."

"Well ok then," He smiled warmly giving the blonde head at Aaron's side a once over.

"It's ok, this is Sara's girlfriend." Aaron informed the doctor knowing it was the only way Catherine would be allowed to stay. Catherine had been beside herself since first finding Sara and Aaron was sure being told to leave now would tip her over the edge. _'Well if Cath finally gets her act together and dates my sister something good might have come out of all this.'_

"Miss. Sidle has suffered some major internal damage. If I'm here telling you anything instead of signing her death certificate, it's just how lucky that young woman is to even be alive at this moment. She was suffering from some major internal bleeding; we needed to remove her spleen. Her system went into shock and shut down totally, once, while we were operating on her. We managed to bring her back though."

"She died." Catherine gasped her legs giving up on her at the realisation that she had come that close to losing Sara for real. It was only Aaron's quick reflexes that save Catherine from making contact with the floor.

"Is she out of the woods, though Dr?" Aaron asked keeping an eye on Catherine out off the corner of his eye.

"Unfortunately we were not able to reach her in time to prevent blood poisoning."

"But she'll be ok." Catherine asked gripping Aaron's hand.

"Well as I said from the attack she must have suffered she is lucky to only have the few major injuries she does. The septicaemia is going to be touch and go. She is a tough and reasonably healthy young woman. I just wish we had gotten to her sooner rather than later, minutes sooner might have helped." The doctor told them and Catherine's mind flicked to Nick's conversation earlier.

"_Of yeah Captain Sap was looking for you a while back."_

"_Sara was in."_

"_Yeah why though I have no idea, she looked like she'd just been 10 rounds with Tyson though she had both ears. I thought it was only Az who dragged himself, in no matter what, must be a family thing."_

"_Is she still here?" Catherine demanded ignoring his comments._

"_How do I know? What does it matter? You can't normally stand the woman?"_

"Can we see her?" Aaron was asking the doctor and his voice brought Catherine back to the present day.

"One at a time and I'm afraid for no more than ten minutes at a time. If she responds and when she regains consciousness we will move her to a private room. If you ask the nurse at the ICU reception she will have all the info on visiting times."

"Thank you, Doctor."

"You go in first, she's your sister, and you need to see her. I'll go tell the others then I'll have my time."

"Thanks Cath." Aaron sighed pulling the older woman in a hug. "I don't know what I would've done if I had lost her."

"No one's going to lose her, not now I just found her."

Catherine could hardly hold her temper in as she made her way from the waiting room they were in to the general room that the others were waiting in. The doctor's words kept running through her head. _'I just wish we had gotten to her sooner rather than later, minutes sooner might have helped.'_

Nick had seen her, must have known that Sara needed medical attention. If anything had happened, if she had lost Sara now when they were just getting it straight between them, if she had to comfort Aaron or explain to her daughter that Sara wouldn't be there to just hang out and cannon ball into the pool when Catherine was out, she would hurt Nick.

"How is she?" Warrick was the first over to Catherine as she made her way over to the gathered members of CSI. She was still in a stunned silence, too many words in her head to make out of her mouth in any sort of order. He pulled away a little, looking worried for a moment he took her silence as bad news.

"No 'Rick she's with us at the moment."

"That's good, then." Nick offered and Catherine's control slipped.

"Good is it, Nick? Worried were you?" Catherine spat at him.

"Hey, girl what's going on?" Warrick questioned.

"How worried were you when you left her in the Break-room looking so beat up its criminal. She has septicaemia Nick. Sara is lying in there fighting for her life, which by the way the doctor thinks we should be grateful for, because she could have very well already been dead. How long Nick? How long was she laying there? Ten minutes, twenty?"

"Probably forty," Nick replied fearfully, regretfully.

"Forty?!! ... The doctor says minutes sooner would have given her a better chance. What do you think forty minutes would have done?"

"How was I to know? I just though sitting there in a little pain would bring little miss down a peg or two." Nick admitted, shamefully.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Catherine exploded at Nick. Warrick managing to hold her back before she did something she would later regret. "What does that mean?" Catherine seethed wriggling in Warrick's grip, trying to get free.

"Well she makes me sick, waltzing round like she owns the place. There are a lot of people who have worked there longer and worked harder to be where she is. Look at Greg."

"I know how hard Sara worked at College and in the lab to not only become a CSI but to earn the respect of everyone who worked at the lab." Greg pointed out. "And I don't think I would have had the guts to step in to the field if Sara hadn't had my back."

"What's going on out here?" Aaron asked joining the group after spending a few moments with his unconscious sister.

"I was just asking Nick how long he left Sara laying there before he told me." Catherine was happy to inform him. Warrick couldn't hold them both back.

"YOU DID WHAT." Aaron grabbed Nick by the collar and pushed him against the wall. "You left her there." Aaron growled through gritted teeth. He so wanted to hit Nick but he knew it would be the last thing Sara wanted, her 'family' fighting.

"I'm sorry, man."

"You will be one day." Aaron warned letting go of Nick and heading out off the hospital in desperate need of some fresh air to cool down. He was sure Nick wouldn't have ever left Sara there if he had known how bad she was really hurt. In a way this was as much Sara's own fault, if his little sister wasn't so stubborn about hospitals she would have gotten help sooner.

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**thank you for for reading =)**

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	21. Walls

**A/N I know it has taken a really long time to get this next chapter out to you guys all I can say is you get them as soon as I get them back. Sorry once again and I hope you find it worth the wait. **

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"Well you look really rough." Catherine pulled a chair by the door and brought it to the side of Sara's bed. The Dr had told them that most of Sara's worst injuries were on her right side. Catherine made her way to the left side of Sara's bed and took the younger woman's hand in her own. The first thing that struck Catherine was how cold Sara's hand was. On the few occasions lately that Catherine had had the chance to touch Sara her hands had always been warm and soft. Pulling Sara's hand to her mouth, Catherine placed a gentle kiss on bruised knuckles.

"You need to wake up now Sar'. You've been asleep for over a day and a half." Catherine sighed it was weird having a conversation with Sara while Sara was out of it. In all their times together, Sara had done many things to Catherine but ignoring her was never one of them. Catherine found it disconcerting to have such a one sided conversation. "Aaron has finally stopped trying to hurt Nick. But I'm not sure I'll be forgiving him any time soon."

Catherine paused a moment as a tear escaped her eyes of its own free will as she once again remembered how close she had come and in many ways still was to losing Sara.

"Another reason you need to wake up is Lindsey. She's going be mad if you don't. I keep telling her she can come and see you when you are out of ICU, so you need to get out of here or I think she'll bring herself to see you without permission."

"She best not, we've got enough to worry about."

Aaron came up behind Catherine squeezing her shoulders before leaning over his sister, kissing her gently on her forehead.

"Any change?" Aaron asked pulling the other chair in the room over to sit beside Catherine.

"Not while I've been here, I was just filling her in."

"Yeah, sound like Linds is having a hard time."

"Yeah, she misses Sara. They were always together."

"Of course they were." Aaron laughed "They both got a lot out of that. I mean Sar got a friend who never pushed and asked for too much, and we both know sometimes she's a kid trapped in a grown up's body so Linds got the ultimate friend, a kid to laugh with and an adult to get her in to all the things kids can't do on their own."

They both laughed a little, feeling a little more relaxed than they had in days, although Sara hadn't woken up yet the Dr's were pleased that she was responding to treatment. A half cough, half groan from the bed brought silence; Catherine turned her attention to the bed where hazy brown eyes looked back at her.

"I'm not trying to shut you out," Sara groaned. She really wasn't, Catherine was probably the first person in a very long time that she wanted to tell everything too.

"Then why do I feel like I'm sitting on the outside of a very tall brick wall." Catherine asked pacing up and down next to her bed.

Catherine sighed to herself the last couple of days had started to show so much promise too. Sara had come round the day before and although she was still pretty ill a good night's sleep had seen her looking so much better when Catherine had come in see her. A gentle conversation had soon gotten out of hand. In a way Catherine blamed herself, she always had to push, why couldn't she just accept that there were some things that it was going to take Sara a little longer to feel she could tell her? She knew why though, she wanted to run before she could walk, she knew how she felt about Sara and now she wanted to cut out the shits and go straight to happily ever after. She realised though that the work they put in the meantime would stand them in good foundation for their future together. Didn't mean she was just going to back down, and accept this truth without trying.

"All I want to know is why the hell you're laying in a hospital bed black and blue?"

'_Because I've always been a convenient punching bag,'_ Sara thought remembering vividly one of the many beatings her father had handed her. She screwed her eyes shut trying to block out the image.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Catherine asked, sensing something was going in Sara's mind that had nothing to do with their happily ever after or Catherine's demand for answers.

"Cat, just leave it alone.... Please." That had come out harsher than she planed and she knew she had hurt Catherine without having to look at her.

"Maybe I will. Maybe I'll just leave all together." Catherine turn to the door, hurt.

"Don't leave me." Her voice was low and full of pain, instantly causing Catherine to stop. "It's dark when you leave."

"Why should I stay? Why should I stand here on the outside looking in?"

"Because I'm begging,"

"Not enough."

"So, what?.. I have to tell you every little thing about me right here and right now or you leave? Somehow that doesn't strike me as fair."

"Not everything.... I just need something, God I want to be more than your work colleague but I know nothing apart from the fact that you have a brother. I know that because he works here too. All I asked was what the tattoo meant, that's all." She sighed gently running her hand over the tattoo of three stars on Sara's arm.

"I'm not talking about that."

"I hope one day you find someone who you do want to talk to or it's going to be a very lonely life Sara Sidle. Goodbye."

Catherine was aware that she was possibly over reacting but it just felt like she had been banging her head against a wall with Sara for the last few days and Sara shutting down over a simple tattoo was just too much.

Aaron found his sister with her face buried in her pillow, eyes red from crying, sleeping after he guessed she had cried herself out. He sat watching for a while till the silence had blown his fears out of all sorts of proportion and he had to wake Sara just to know what was wrong. Pulling the pillow from her face, he had to smile gently as Sara pouted at the lost of its warmth.

"Sar' baby," He stroked the side of her face gently, the last thing he needed to do was to startle her. "Come on sleepy head."

"Az?"

"That's me."

"What time is it?"

"Little after seven, what happened, you look so sad?"

She held her arms out to her brother, not trusting her voice for a moment. Aaron gently got on to the bed on her left side mind full of her injuries and pulled her into an embrace.

"I fucked up with Cath."

"How?" He sighed, debating if he could find a spot to hit Sara on that wasn't already sporting a cut or bruise. Poor Catherine had been going out of her mind for days and Sara had probably said something hurtful.

'_She doesn't mean it, she just gets scared.' _He told himself they had both been through so much it was a surprise that they were not more screwed up.

"She saw my tattoo."

"Oh and you just clammed up on her."

"If I tell her then Star really is dead."

"How do you work that out?"

Sometimes even he couldn't work out Sara's logic.

"Because Star lives here," Sara told him holding her hand over his chest talking about her heart.

"Yeah, I get that, but I thought that you were in love with Catherine."

"Yeah but talking about Star with Cath feel like I'm cheating on her."

"So what, you'll stay single for ever so you never have to talk about Star. Is that what she would have wanted? Because I thought she loved you and I remember her telling you that all she wanted was to see her Sidle, Sara Sidle happy."

"She did."

Sara was trying so hard not to cry as she remembered that night on the beach, Aaron was home for the summer and he had okay it for a night visit to the beach. Somehow the conversation had come to dying (just for a change in Sunnydale) and all Star had said was if anything happened to her all she would want was for Sara to be happy.

"And do you really think she would want this, you to be unhappy just because you don't want to talk about her?"

"No, she would want to be remembered but not to get in the way." Sara admitted knowing deep down that if Star could see her now, she would be angry with Sara for letting her memory affect her life in such a way.

"Talk to Cath, don't throw it away, you don't get many chances with people like that. Star was special, Cath is too though."

"If I want to explain it all properly I have to talk about Mom and Dad."

"So do it, tell her, let her help you heal, God knows you won't let anyone else."

"You help."

"Sar' I'm as mess up as you are."

"Then we're both screwed," She observed.

"Talk to her."

"You don't mind me telling her about what happened to us. After the way I reacted."

"I'm saying it's ok.... I told Griss and you weren't ready but I'm telling you to do it, you need to trust someone. Hell I'm lonely here being the only one inside your walls."

"What is it with you people and you talk of wall?" Sara shook her as Aaron kissed her hair.

"Why."

Catherine was beginning to think that it was the most annoying word in the world. She was trying to explain to her daughter why they probably would not see Sara for a while. What she had not counted on though was the fact that her daughter was very determined to see Sara again. Lindsey stood in front of her hands on hips, eyes angry. Catherine found herself feeling a little intimidated and suddenly found herself feeling sorry for anyone she herself had glared at like that if she was half as good at it as her daughter then she herself must look pretty scary.

"You said as soon as she was out off ICU, I could go in and see her." Lindsey pointed out, she was used to her mom not being able to keep her promises but she couldn't understand what would ever happen that meant she could not see Sara.

"She needs time rest to; get better, time to sort out where her head is. She's been through a lot and we want her to be 100% again, don't we?" Catherine tried to reason with her young daughter.

"She'll get better with the people who love her there."

"Aaron's there who loves Sara better than that."

"I love her and I want to be there." The young girl huffed leaving the room.

Catherine sat on the sofa watching the spot her daughter had been standing in. She was at loss to work out when Sara had become the centre of her daughter's world.

'_She must have seen the side of Sara that she still won't show me.'_ Catherine decided. She also realised that she put too much pressure on Sara to do things that she really wasn't ready for, in the rare moments she had seen Sara with Lindsey the young girl never pushed or asked for more than Sara was ready to give so why could she not do the same.

"So is this how you try to get out of surfing with me and my son?" Nancy smiled from the door way of Sara's room and watched as the brunettes face light up to see her and Jeremy.

"Nance, Pest." Sara smiled sitting up a little in her bed making room for the boy as Nancy pulled up a chair.

"I thought it was best to wait till you were out off ICU to bring him and he would have killed me if I'd have come without him."

"You're here, that's all that counts to me. So get over here and give me a kiss.

Sara smiled and Nancy got up and sat on the edge of the bed pulling Sara into a light hug, so has not to hurt her. Nancy kissed the top of her head.

"I don't want a hug." Jeremy announced making both woman laughed.

"That's not nice." Sara pouted.

"I don't hug girls anymore."

"What about your mom."

"She's not a girl." Jeremy pointed out the obvious, well the obvious to him any way.

"Well you have got to love that logic." Nancy laughed.

"Yeah it certainly isn't our earth logic."

"Can I go get a drink?" Jeremy asked looking between the two women.

"Ok." His mom told him "But you go to the drinks machine on this floor only." She told him handing over some loose changes.

Watching him leave the room, she turned to Sara. "Half expected my sister to be here." Nancy dropped in as casual as possible.

"Well she was but I kind of put my foot in it." Sara sighed.

"Ah I see she hasn't learnt how to play you yet."

"No, this was me as much as I want to blame her, I can't."

"Want to talk about it?"

"You know there's something that you never tell anyone, not your closes friends or anyone. Then you meet someone and you realise that as much as you say you were keeping it to yourself was to protect them because they couldn't handle it, that wasn't the real reason you kept it from them?"

"Sort off," Nancy admitted holding Sara's hand, waiting for her to carry on.

"Well I just realised that I was keeping it to myself because I can't handle it and, now it's sitting between Cath and I and we can't move till it's out of the way. Whoa... why can I tell you things I can't tell her?"

"For the same reason I can listen without yelling or crying because we just don't love each other like that. Talk to her Sara, don't hide and don't be scared. I can tell you that she loves you and she will help you through whatever this is, my sister is a good person."

"What if I'm not?" Sara asked.

Sara figuring, that she looked as tiny in that moment as her voice had made her sound.

"Do you think that Catherine or I would let you anywhere near our children if we thought for a second you were a bad person?"

"I've done things."

"Yeah funny that, so have I and so has Cath but the thing is, we learned, you learned and we're not the people we were when we did those things. Look, get better, get out of here and talk to Cath."

Sara was pretty sure that banging on Catherine's front door with her head did not actually count as knocking. Her ribs were just too sore for her to lift her arm without the pain meds she had been getting in the hospital. She was starting to wonder how she was going to live with the pain.

"_Yeah funny that, so have I and so has Cath but the thing is, we learned, you learn and we're not the people we were when we did those things. Look, get better, get out of here, and talk to Cath.' _Sara was beginning to wish she had just listened to Nancy and waited to have this conversation. Catherine hadn't been answering her cell and Sara had been going out off her mind, so getting out of there and seeing Catherine had been a sound idea at the time. Then again she had been on pretty strong pain meds and the pain had been a little ache.

She was betting that Catherine's neighbours would be out to see what was going on soon if someone did not answer the door. Catherine's street sometimes reminded her of Sunnydale, the houses were neat and tidy lawn clipped and fences all matched. She bet that there were some nasty things that went on behind closed doors but no one ever noticed because it looked good.

"Sar?" A very sleepy looking Lindsey opened the door with an inquisitive frown, but her face beamed with happiness when she saw that it was really Sara. She was about to throw herself into Sara's arms until she remembered that Sara's body was probably full of bruises and she might hurt Sara with a hug. So instead she smiled happily at Sara, letting her see how happy she was to see her.

"Hey, Munchkin, Mom back from work?" Sara asked with a smile, happy to see Lindsey's beautiful face. She put her hands on Lindsey's shoulder and pulled her in for a small hug, ignoring the pain that went through her body because of this small action.

"Think so, her lights are on." Lindsey answered, putting her arms softly, gently around Sara's waist, afraid to hug her too tight, in fear of hurting her.

"Cool, think I can come in?"

"Mom said you were in hospital and we wouldn't see you for a while." Lindsey said through pouted lips as she remembered her argument with her mother.

"Well I'm not and you can see me whenever you want you, know that." Sara reassured the little girl.

"I told her that." Lindsey lead Sara into the house yawning.

"We'll have a talk about you opening the door without asking who it is first, but for now go back to bed." Sara told her brushing hair from Lindsey's eyes "Go on, I'll talk to Mom and then I'll kiss you goodnight ok."

"You better, I missed you." Lindsey told Sara lovingly, while ignoring the other part of Sara's statement.

"I've missed you too." Sara kissed Lindsey's forehead gently.

Sara stepped in Catherine's bedroom quietly, shutting the door behind her. Catherine's Mom was sleeping just down the hallway and the last thing Sara needed was her rushing in to defend her daughter's honour. She stood by the door for a moment or two watching Catherine sleep. She was an amazingly beautiful woman anyway but sleep seemed to really relax her; no worries of being swing supervisor, of not seeing enough of Lindsey or any of the other 101 things that she seemed to worry about on any given day.

"Cath," Sara called out gently.

She really wanted to crawl in bed next to her and maybe they could talk in the morning but Sara was also pretty sure that if she took another step it was going to be lights out all over again. "Hey Cath come on, time to wake up." She got a small response this time and she smiled despite the pain as Catherine mumbled incoherently at her. "Don't give me that, I want to talk to you."

"Sar'? She opened her eyes slightly.

"Hey there, it's me."

"Sara!" Catherine sat bolt upright blinking wildly, trying to adjust her eyes. "What the hell are you doing here?" She asked pulling her sheet up as she stood. She quickly closed the gap between them. "You should be in the hospital." She scolded Sara.

"I kind of just left." Sara slid down the door letting out a whimper as she did the pain really was getting intense. In a sick way though it help her to focus as it had all those times her dad had 'Punished' her when she was small.

"You could kill yourself, you have to go back." She told Sara gently, fearfully.

"We needed to talk." Sara told her, pulling her knees up to her chest to protect her ribs as she reached her hand out to cup Catherine's cheek, caressing it softy with her thumb, afraid Catherine might start crying by the way she was looking at her. "Hey no fear and definitely no tears for me, please."

"Look I over reacted today. If you really aren't ready, then I'm selfish to make you do something you're not ready for. I lov...." Catherine stopped herself before she admitted her love to Sara, afraid of what it might mean if she did," I care about you, so because I care some much for I will wait for you to be ready. If it takes forever for you to be ready, I will wait forever for you."

"No, Cath you were right. It's time and I do trust you. If I don't get it all out right now then I might never and I want you in my life Cath, you and sleeping beauty next door."

"My Mom," She teased.

"Yeah, least I know you'll age well."

"Hey if they weren't broken I'd be poking you in the ribs right now."

"Whoa now it comes down to, it I'm a little scared. You sure you want to hear all this."

"Sar' what I want is you back in the hospital. Look at you, baby please if you don't want to look after yourself for you than please do it for me and Linds."

"That's emotional blackmail."

"Call it what you want, I don't care, we need you around for a long time."

"Really?"

"Really, baby I promise. We aren't going anywhere."

"But you were gone and I got so scared. Then you wouldn't answer my calls and I got really scared."

"I was upset but I cooled down and I was coming to see you in the morning."

"I want to talk to you now, here and then I'll go back if that's what you really want."

"What I really want is you safe and if you're hell bent on doing this I'll listen to whatever you have to say, however you want to say it." Catherine told Sara softly, as she gently pulled Sara up from the floor against the door, and toward the bed. She helped Sara gently sit on the bed. Now that the moment was upon them, the moment when Catherine would finally get all the way inside Sara's walls, Catherine was feeling anxious and little nervous at what was behind those walls but because of her love for Sara, she was determine to listen to everything Sara had to say.

While Catherine was busying thinking about what was behind Sara walls, Sara was busying trying to boost up her emotional strength in order to let Catherine inside the walls she had spent years building and making sure no one could get pass, but now she had to open a door for Catherine to get through.

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**Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed the next chapter is ready to go but I need a little favor I really miss hearing from you guys so can we make the review count read 40 and then you can have the next part. **


	22. Past Pain, Future hope

**You guys rock nice to know i haven't lost you all. As promised here is the next part and I hope to get another part to you soon! Thanks for sticking with me.

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They sat in silence for a while just listen to each other breath. Just as Catherine started to worry that Sara had passed out again, the other woman spoke.

"Have you ever heard Az talk about our parents?"

"I vaguely remember there was once mention of them being hippies. Nothing more than that though. I must admit I have never really talked to Aaron about what he was like as a kid, what it was like for you two as kids."

Catherine had a sinking feeling there was a reason that those two reacted the way they did to abuse cases, sometimes seeing things that the others might not have picked up on. If she was being honest, for a long time she had suspect that something seriously bad relating to abuse happened to Aaron and Sara in their past, because being a pretty good CSI she saw all the evidence pointing in that direction. But being in love with Sara though meant that Catherine tried to banished those thoughts from her mind whenever her instinct pointed her in that direction because she didn't wanted to believe that something horrible like that could have happened to someone she loves. So now that the time has come for her suspicions to either be confirmed or denied, part of her was afraid to hear what Sara had to say, part of her wanted Sara to keep her silent. Did she really need to know and did Sara really need to talk about it? She scolded herself for thinking like that straight away. She loved Sara and would listen to anything that the brunette had to say and would comfort her best she could with all of her heart even while her heart was breaking for the brunette.

"Yeah that's one way of putting it," Sara snorted. "If by being hippies he meant they both smoked pot which in the end made them a little paranoid." Sara shifted a little trying to move closer to Catherine who was sitting next to her on the bed, she needed the older woman's comfort and Catherine was more than willing to give it. Wanting Sara to be more comfortable, Catherine took some pillows and put them against the bed's headboard and gently encouraged Sara to lean back against them, after Sara took her silent suggestion, Catherine kneeled down and gentle took off Sara's boots off and silently told Sara to put her feet up on the bed. After making sure that Sara was in a comfortable position on the bed, Catherine got on the other side of the bed herself, leaned against the headboard, put her arms around Sara, offering her comfort and shifted Sara' head to lay on her shoulder. Gentle she combed her fingers through Sara's head, while waiting for Sara to let her in. "My dad drank." Sara break the silent communication that have been going on between them for the last couple of minutes to continue, "Way too much and that never helped matters either. I mean from what I heard it started out good, Mom was a little out of it at times but the basics were there. But when I came along unexpectedly, I became a drain on the resources of a slowly fading B&B. They would fight about it all the time, how I always needed something and I was crippling them."

"You were?" Catherine asked inquisitively. She knew most children blamed themselves for the fights there parents had but she had a feeling this was more.

"Oh yeah I was told more than once that life was better before I was born. I remember the screaming and shouting and my Mom crying. I thought that we had devil doors in our house because Mom was always hurtle herself against them. I would climb into bed with Aaron and he would hold me tight and tell me that it would all be ok. It wasn't though, it just got worse," Sara paused giving a small smile as if realising something for the first time. "Funny though I never minded that Aaron got that wrong. He was all I had and I was all he had. I mean when you looked like your Dad just beat you up, he tends not to let you go out to play."

Catherine's heart broke as she thought of a young and innocent Sara looking for love and acceptance from the people who were meant to give it freely and getting abuse in return.

"Do you know how old I was when I told my first lie?"

Sara really didn't expect her to know the answer and was not too surprised when she just squeezed her hand and shook her head.

"I was five. I had a broken arm, truth was I was hungry, Mom was out of it and Dad was sleeping it off, there was absolutely no point waking Mom, and Dad... well we knew never to wake Dad when he was asleep, he would've of beaten me if I had. So I tried to climb to where I knew there were some chips. Trouble was, I knocked Dad's bottle of whisky off the table and he woke up yelling."

No wonder Sara reacted so strongly when she saw people who should have love and protected their kids appears to have done the opposite. If her parents could do that, no wonder Sara doubted what Joe regular could do.

"Baby, it's ok. You're here with me and you're safe please. It's ok; don't go on right now if it's too much."

"No I'm ok, your right. I know I'm safe here, right now with you." She sighed, it all had to come out now she wasn't sure she had the strength to do this again if she stop now, "So, I was five, not stupid, no way was I coming down to get beaten so I just sat up there but he wasn't going to be put off so he just pushed me off of there and I broke my arm. Till then he had never broken bones and we had never needed to go to the hospital. He told me if I said anything he would take it out on Az. I was so small, such a wimp and I couldn't stand up to him and protect Az so I knew I had to keep quite." Sara paused trying to regain her composure, it was hard years later to remember this and realise that if she had said something she really could've protected Az.

"You want to stop?" Catherine asked gently.

"I've not really started yet but I understand if you don't want to hear any more I should just go." Sara said she was sure that Catherine would want nothing to do with her after hearing all this, who wanted someone as battered and broken as her.

"No way, you can just walk out. What do you think? That I would hear this and think less of you or worse, pity you? I'd want you to go, think that I see any of that when I look in to your eyes. Hell I'm crazy about you and all I see is your strength. You saw all that, went through all that, and look at you, you're strong and brave and loving and loyal. Sar you are amazing."

"Really, you don't hate me. You don't think I could be that person?" Sara challenged Catherine softly, not fully able to believe what Catherine had said, needing more verbal prove that Catherine didn't think she was too broken to be with.

"No, baby never. I hate the people who put you through this, the people who let you go through this. But baby, I could never hate you or who you are."

"I want to tell you the rest. It gets pretty dark though." Sara said, needing for Catherine to know everything, so that Catherine could make the decision of whether to be with her base on facts, not on what she believes Sara to be.

"Just take your time and stop whenever you need. I'm here forever."

Sara smiled, she liked the sound of that, and truly hope that Catherine continue to feel this way when it was all said and done with.

"For the next few years," Sara just ploughed on. "They fought, Dad drank and he beat us all up. Man I really thought that was how it was in all families. Dads hurt their children while Mom got wasted and pretended that it was all ok. All I had was Az' and my books, reading was everything. I could go places and be people that were strong and brave." Sara squeezed tightly on the hand that was entwined with hers on Catherine's lap. This was so hard it had been so long since she voluntarily talked about her past, this part of her past. She didn't want to do this because she could still remember every detail of those times, in technical color. They came back most nights in her dreams but it had been so long since she had said the words. She had never before willingly put them out there in words, because words made them real, put those horrible moments back into her reality, words make her unable to deny that those things had actually happened, that she hadn't read about them in a book but had dealt with them for years. That those things she put into words had been her only reality for years, with her never knowing that there was anything better than beatings and being curse at. Needing to get this over with and put them back in their lock boxes in her memory, she continued.

"Then one night in 1988, Dad decided he wanted a younger model than Mom. He and mom had been fighting and he came creeping in to my room looking for a little lovin'."

When she heard Catherine's gasp and her hand tighten around her own Sara was sure Catherine had understood what she meant.

"He wasn't expecting me not to be in bed. He came crashing into Aaron's room shouting and cursing. He was going on about how dirty and disgusting we were because we slept together. He came into my room with the intention of raping me and he was mad because he thought Aaron had got there first."

Sara paused to look up at Catherine when she realised the older woman was crying.

"You Ok?" Sara asked.

"I should be asking you that." Catherine hugged Sara, trying not to hurt her ribs. "I just can't bear the thought of someone trying to hurt you like that."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No baby, you lived it, the least I can do is listen."

"He lost it totally then. He dragged me out of bed and just started pounding my head against the wall, calling me all sorts of names." Sara paused as she tracked Catherine's hand moving towards and then tracing the scare on her forehead the physical reminder of that night. "Az' was hysterical and Mom must have just snapped. I have no clue what tipped her over the edge, all I remember is Dad letting go and I just bounced off the wall landing on my back just in time to see Mom plunging the knife into his chest. Blood splatter was everywhere, all over me and I just managed to scramble backwards to Az."

"She killed him." Catherine asked not bothering to try and hide her tears any more. Tears for children who never got to be young, tears for the woman she loved so much in this moment, it was impossible to breathe, let alone describe.

"Oh yeah, I've read that police report so many times. She stabbed him 49 times. There really wasn't much left of his chest once she was done. So much blood, there was blood everywhere, it was in my hair, in my eyes, my mouth, it was all over me. She just sat there afterward, looking at him, stroking his face like he was asleep. Az and I just sat there not daring to move. I mean she had just killed Dad and at some point she had loved him. If she could do that to him, we wonder what she could she do to us, I mean it was all down to us. After all dad had been a good man till we spoilt it all. The fights in our house were nothing new to the neighbours but this one must have had sounded different to the outside because next thing I remember is a police officer wrapping me in a blanket and trying to take me from Az and I screamed."

"I bet you did, with them trying to take you from your beloved Az."

"Yeah he still is, I let them know that too and we were soon reunited. Then that was it, we were in the system. We were taken to the hospital and we were checked over and then we were taken to a safe house over night and questioned next day. Mom was convicted of child neglect and murder and put in a mental hospital for her sentence." Sara couldn't hold the tears anymore and she broke down in the comforting arms of the woman who was fast becoming the most important person in her life.

"And you and Aaron were put into the system." Catherine asked as Sara calmed down a little.

"Yep and for about two years we were shoved in home after home and foster family after family. I really was so glad I had Az when every couple of weeks we had a new family, having a constant family member with me was not only a live saver but a sanity saver too."

"Baby, did it ever settle down?" Catherine asked with a new respect for the woman in her arms, how was she able to love her and Lindsey so completely when she had come from that. Whatever it was Catherine, was thankful for it and she was never letting go of this chance to give Sara the family she deserved.

"Actually yes it did, we were fostered by the most amazing family. Janet and Paul Fraiser, they had a daughter, Cassie whom they had adopted when both her parents had died. They took both, Az me in. I can tell you at our age that was rare. We were happy there. Paul was strict, but never once was I scared of him though, he was fair and I always knew what I was being punished for. Mom well she was a soft and I loved her so much, it was crazy. For about the first year I was there I cried every time she left the house, afraid I would lose her. All the things I had seen in movies and on the telly was all there in my Mom, and I never wanted to lose that."

"You really love her."

"I did yeah."

"Did?" Catherine questioned not liking where this was heading all over again.

"Yeah, told you I wasn't done. Any way when I was twelve Az was leaving to Join Harvard which I'm sure you know is in Massachusetts. We were in Sunnydale in California and that was like the other side of the world for me."

"Couldn't you have gone?"

"Yeah Az, would have taken me in a heartbeat."

"But?"

"He would have had too much to take care of me. He would have suffered at school and I was old enough to realise that."

"So you stayed."

"Yeah and I'll always be so happy I did."

"You met someone." By Sara's far away smile she guessed she was spot on.

"Ashleigh Jonson, my Star yes." Sara pointed to the tattoo on her arm "We meet in junior High and we were never apart. I have to say I suddenly realized I wasn't like the other girls, all in to boys and seeing if they could date someone on the football team. I wanted Star and soon enough she worm every little secret I ever had out of me and she made me feel safe and loved, someone other than Az for the first time ever did that for me. She was my first in every way, my first crush, first love, first kiss, first time and then. God I needed her too, six years after seeing my Mom killed my Dad, I came home on Halloween after trick or treating with some younger kids, to find my whole family dead."

"Baby no." Catherine was beginning to wonder how Sara managed to stay sane all these years.

"Yeah there was once again blood everywhere. I thought they were all dead but Mom was still alive single stab wound." Sara's voice choked as she relayed the next part. "She died in my arms bleed out all over me."

"Shit." Her gentle curse made her look up and the tears in Catherine's eyes broke her heart.

"Baby don't cry."

"You went through so much and look at you, god you make me so proud."

"Star was always proud of me. That I didn't just beat people up all the time. That I could still laugh and have fun, that I loved her, that I let her love me. She said these qualities were special."

"They all are baby, she was right."

"Yeah she said it was amazing that I had my head in the clouds sometimes, when so much of my reality kept trying to bring me down. That's why she called me her, Dreamer. And there we were Star and Dreamer, right up till graduation when she died."

Catherine was not sure she could sit and watch her go through much more. She had cried more in the last hour or so than Catherine had ever seen.

"All hell broke loose on graduation and I lost track of her and she died. All I had to do was keep her with me, keep her safe and she died."

"Baby I am sure that wasn't your fault and I'm sure the last thing she would ever want would be for you to blame yourself. She loved you and she wouldn't want you to live with such guilt."

"It was my fault Cath that's what I have to live with forever. But what you said is true, that's why I love her. But I realize now that I can love her and still move on and not disrespect her memory. I'm ready to love again."

"Really, anyone I know?" Catherine teased trying to lighten what was a very dark mood.

"Yeah, I think you know her well."

"Really, someone at work?"

"Might be."

"Oh, do tell more."

"Well she's beautiful and I mean breath taking, heart stopping, and world changing beauty. She changed the way my world looked the moment I saw her. She has the most beautiful Strawberry blond hair that I have to really stop myself from touching every time we're close. Her eyes are the most amazing blue. They really are the windows to her soul, when she's happy, they shine and when she's sad, they are just a little less blue and I find myself wanting to hurt the person who upset her." Sara laughed ruefully "but that's normally me and I spend most of my time hurting me anyway. She has the most amazing smile and when she laughs it's like sunshine, she's kind and she really cares about people, that looking the way she does really should be beneath her, like me. But she's as tough as nails and puts me in my place and that really turns me on, that and her butt."

"Sar' you best be talking about me, otherwise I'm going in to kill whoever it is."

"Course it's you silly. I've been trying not to fall for you for a very long time."

"I know how you feel. Everything I've done in the last few years has been about trying to get you out off my system."

"I'd really like a go at being in there."

"The only thing you're going to do right now is go back to the hospital."

"I want to stay with you."

"I'm not leaving you baby but you need to be getting treatment."

"Ok."

"Good." Catherine smiled, kissing Sara's nose. "Or I might just have to show you how tough I really can be."

"No, we'll save that for when I'm all better." Sara winked, lifting her head of Catherine's shoulder. "Um Cath," Sara asked after a moment.

"Yeah," Catherine replied getting off the bed.

"I might need a hand up." Without a word, Catherine gently help Sara off the bed, put her boots back on her feet and slowly with her arms around Sara, walked out off her bedroom, with the intention of getting Sara to the hospital, and looking forward to more days with Sara.

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	23. Getting Out

**Another Chapter for you lovely people hope you enjoy. Big thanks to Jess for helping me out of a spot.****

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Sara watched as the most amazing strawberry blond slept curled up in what was probably the most uncomfortable chair in existence. She still had to pinch her self that Catherine would prefer to sleep in a chair in her room rather than at home. It was all new to Sara, no one in a long time had cared for Sara like this. Every now and then she would catch Catherine looking at her and the look in the blonds' eye took Sara's breath away.

Sara kept telling them that they shouldn't sleep in that chair but neither of them would listen to her. Not that she ever found herself complaining that loud or for that long because she had to admit that it was comforting to watch Catherine sleep. Just watching her breath could make Sara forget that she had very nearly died this time. She also liked that all the nurses that came in commented on how loving her girlfriend was, she wasn't sure how they had gotten that idea, though she wasn't to keen on dispelling the myth. They had gotten a lot straightened out the night she had gone to Catherine's house and they had spent much of their time since talking trying there best at being honest with each other both desperate to try anything that meant there relationship didn't start to slip back to where it had once been. They were not quite at the girl friendly stage, not that she knew what would actually mean that they were. Sara was a little confused on that point. Did people actually say will you be my girlfriend? With Star they had just started hanging out and moved on from there taking every step in their stride. She and Faith had just started sleeping together and their relationship had never been defined. Sara was sure that at some point her and Catherine were going to have to have a talk to clarify this.

Sparking blue eye's fluttered open to meet hers and she smiled almost involuntary at the sight of just awakening Catherine. They weren't together she wasn't sure if she had actually said _I love you_ out loud but she was sure something was different between them.

"Hey sleepy head."

"Hey you how are you feeling today? I'm sorry I fell asleep on you but you were out of it when I got in and I was so tired."

"Hey don't be silly I know what it's like remember, and I'm feeling better. Still weak and still sore but better." Sara told her after Catherine glared at what was going to be a brush off of her health. If Sara was honest though after five weeks she was more that a little bored of talking about how she was feeling.

Sara patted the bed at her side and moved over to make a little room for Catherine. She still had stitches from her operation, seven broken ribs and she felt like one big bruise but she was glad of a little discomfort to have Catherine in her arms.

Catherine got up from the chair and stretched, that damn thing was probably the worst thing she has ever slept in. She was never going to complain though she would sleep there forever if it meant a chance to watch over Sara. Catherine made sure she pushed her breasts up a little as she stretched at one point in her life Catherine could no longer stand the thought of people having their eyes on her looking at her with nothing but lust. But the look that was in Sara's eyes was different from the way anyone had ever looked at her; there was lust and want in abundance but for Catherine it was plain to see it went much deeper than that. If fact, times like these the look in Sara's eye could steal the breath from Catherine's lungs and send her weak at the knees.

For what seemed like the hundredth time in the last few weeks Catherine cursed the fact that Sara was still so tender. What she wouldn't give to show the younger woman a practical demonstration of just how she felt about her. On the other hand Catherine thought as she crawled up the bed right then it might no do there relationship any good as neither of them actually knew where they stood. It was as if neither of them wanted to bring it up in case the magic only existed in that room and it would end the moment Sara was released.

Catherine snuggled in to Sara's embrace resting her head on her shoulder and waited for her reward which she was not denied as Sara placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Next time you're that tired just jump in to bed with me."

Catherine shook her head at the under current of the statement but answered any way.

"I might hurt you."

"Let me see could I put up with a little pain to wake up with you in my arms." Sara pretended to ponder the statement for a moment. "Hell yeah."

"You so sure I'd be worth it?"

"More than Sure."

"Why?"

"Because…"

"Because isn't an answer Sar."

"No but it's all your getting while I'm stuck in this bed and Lind's will be in any moment on her way to school."

"We will talk though?"

"I promise." Sara told her tenderly, the plan had been to kiss Catherine's nose but those lips just called to her. It was meant to be a gentle press but her libido was out of control and she sucked Catherine's bottom lip in to her mouth. Catherine groaned and Sara took the opportunity to slip her tongue in to the deep recesses of her mouth. The groan of pain that she could not hold back as Catherine leant in to his sore ribs brought Catherine crashing back to earth.

"Sorry." She panted pressing her forehead to Sara's.

"Never apologise for kissing someone like that. It's an art form."

"Sara." Anything Catherine had to say was cut out as a ball of blond energy rushed in to the room followed by an older woman Sara new to be Catherine's mom, though in truth she had never said more than a hello to her. That wasn't important at that moment all that mattered was the blond bomb who was about to explode.

"Lind's get up here." Sara smiled as ignoring the glares from Catherine she sat up a little and pulled Lindsey on to the bed. "Hey Munchkin, what's going on with you?"

Catherine watched on and smiled as her little girl never even seemed to pause for breath as she filled in her 'best friend' on everything that was going on with her.

"Feeling better?" Lindsey asked kneeling up to kiss her cheek.

"Right now I'm really good my two best girls are right her with me."

"Mom, we're Sara's girls!" Lind's squealed in delight settling between the two people who made her feel safest in the world.

"Been a long time since I've been some ones girl."

Sara looked up hoping that she hadn't managed to fuck things up before they had really gotten started. Catching the look Catherine rushed in with some much needed reassurance.

"But I love it." She beamed at Sara. "I really want to be your girl."

Catherine slipped off the bed, kissing Sara then Lindsey on the head before walking over to her mom.

Sara lost her train of though for a moment as Catherine walked of. Sara was pretty sure the extra swing in the steps were just for her and they were very much appreciated.

"Are you listening?" Lindsey's voice brought both Sara's and Catherine's attention to the blond on the bed.

"Sorry Lind's" Sara smiled pulling her in to a hug while sending the patented Sidle glare at Catherine.

Catherine was only half listening to her mom as she watched the scene on the bed. Lindsey had slowly worked her way round so that she was now sitting curled up on Sara's lap head on her chest still talking animatedly. Sara was paying attention to every word as she gently stroked Lindsey's hair. This was her family and this woman, no matter what happened, would be the parental figure her daughter needed.

"School, young lady." Catherine told her daughter, actually sad to break the picture in front of her.

"Just a little longer, please mom?"

"Young lady do as your mother says." Catherine's mother cut in and Sara could see that the little girl was going to protest.

"Hey Lind's, schools important. Remember what we talked about?" The little girl didn't answer she just folded her arms and glared at Sara.

'_My god she's her mother's little girl and god I love them both.'_

"Head off and be good and you can come see me at Aaron's after school and if she's good too I might let you bring your mom."

"There letting you out." Mother and daughter chorused together.

"I mentioned this right." Sara asked suddenly worried Catherine was going to rip her a new one if she'd missed that out. Aaron knew, he had been in the room the night before when the doctor's had talked to Sara about getting out. He had told her that as long as she was not going home alone she could leave the next day. She'd told Catherine surely… Or maybe not by the look on the blonds face.

"Lind's school now." Catherine was no longer asking this was a command and Lindsey knew better that to complain again. She wasn't sure she wanted to stay anyway not if her mom and Sara were going to fight.

The little blond kneeled up pulling Sara close "Good luck." She whispered in to her ear before pulling away. "See you later Aunty Em."

"Bye munchkin."

"That really should have been one of the first things you told me." Catherine was torn between hurt and anger. How could Sara have thought that she wouldn't want to know that she was getting out of hospital? Did Sara really not trust her was all that had happened just words that meant nothing. She shook her head taking a step back needing to put some space between them.

Sara could see what she was trying to do and was out of bed in a shot and closing the distance.

"Don't run from me please." She winced remembering she was still pretty tender.

"Just get back in bed and we will talk when you're home."

"No deal Cath because I know that if you leave here now you'll be back to keeping me at arms length and frankly after holding you in my arms I don't think I could live if I never got to do that again."

"Keeping you at arms length, Sara you're still doing it. What do you think not telling me that you were getting out of hospital tells me."

Sara looked down at her feet trying to run this through her head. She really wasn't used to anyone but Aaron really caring what happened; it was going to take time to move that level of trust on to Catherine too. That wasn't it though; she had meant to tell her.

Catherine watched as Sara battled with this for a moment part of her wanted to wrap Sara in her arms and tell her it didn't really matter she knew now and that was all that mattered. There was a bigger part of her though that knew if there were real trust issues over something as little as getting out of hospital then there future was even bumpier than she thought. She needed to hear this from Sara and she needed to hear it now.

"You looked so beautiful when I woke up and you were sleeping. I was going to tell you but I didn't want to wake you and I just lay watching you sleep. I don't think you have any idea how amazing you really are and you took my breath away. Then you woke up and I lost all rational thought other than having you in my arms." Sara tried to explain what was going on in her head.

"But you were going to tell me." Catherine really needed to know. She realised that it meant that she had to trust Sara in return.

"Yeah I asked Az. not to because I wanted to do it I wanted to see if you'd smile. But I just fucked up didn't I. I got so excited when we kissed and Lind's showed was here and it just came out because I wanted to cheer her up. I know she has a hard time at school and she feels she misses out because you're spending time with me I wanted her to know she would have her chance too and that she is still just as special to me. You mom was glaring too so I should get some slack for that..." Sara stopped mid ramble when Catherine started to cry.

Sara had maybe expected her to shout some more maybe still even leave but to burst in to tears Sara realised she still knew very little about women on a dating front.

"Baby please don't cry, please don't let me make you cry you're too good for that." Sara told her wrapping Catherine in her arms.

"I'm ok really."

"I'd really hate to see you upset then." Sara teased placing light kisses on the top of Catherine's head.

"No it's just that no one I've ever been interested in has paid that much attention to Lindsey. She was just the reason I couldn't stay the night I had to cancel a date. She's never been as important as me to anyone I don't even think her dad loved her as much as you do."

"I probably fell in love with Lindsey before I realised how I felt about you."

"Really?" She asked pulling out of the embrace a little to look at Sara.

"Yeah, don't get me wrong from that first night when I was still in cuffs I really thought you were beautiful. But that was it I was a suspect and you seemed to hate me for that. Then I got the job helping out in the lab while I was in collage and you seemed to really hate me then. So I was content to just get to know the little ball of energy that turned up at the lab all the time. And she's amazing and bright and very funny and she won my heart."

"That is probably the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me."

"Well I'm not good at all the emotional stuff I just try tell the truth. Tell the truth and shame the devil, that's what I was always told."

"How did you manage to grow up to be so amazing?"

"I have no idea really."

"I think it's because you are just amazing any way."

"I think it's because amazing people like you have never given up on me."

"I think you're a smooth talker."

"So we ok?" Sara asked.

"Were more than ok.

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	24. Ms Flynn, Mr Braun

**Disclaimer: Still own nothing but the laptop i write this on.**

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"Come in." Sara called to the gentle knock on her door. She was just so glad to be out of bed and moving around that she was paying more attention to packing all her stuff than to who was at the door.

"Sara?"

"Ms Flynn, Mr Braun." Sara stumbled over her words, putting her top in the bag, coming face to face with Catherine's Mom and the casino owner.

'_Ok so what's he doing here? I remember Cath saying once he was a friend of her Mom's but what the hell'_

"What can I do for you, ma'am, Sir?" She was going out off her way to be polite. There was no way she was going to piss of Catherine's Mom, no way. She did want to date her daughter after all.

"I want you to stay away from Catherine and Lindsey."

'_Ok so maybe pissing her off is out of my hands.'_

"I'm sorry but I have to ask what the hell I've done to make you ask that."

"Look at you."

"You may not have caught me at my best time but I assure you that I am very serious about Catherine."

"I'm sure you are but she's our daughter and it's my job to look out for her and Lindsey and you are not the person I see her with in the future."

"Hang on a sec 'our' daughter." Sara asked confused. Had she missed a memo, when the hell did Sam Braun become Cath's dad?

'_Well ok I know when but no one told me!'_

"Mug's never told you I was her father?" Sam asked speaking for the first time.

'_There was me thinking he was just here to look intimidating.' _

"No she never and I can't think why." Sara wasn't sure sarcasm was her best bet right now but really did he think that Catherine was going to announce the fact that the local gangster was her dad.

"I'd watch your mouth girly." Sam advised her adjusting one of his cuff links.

"Please you two lets try and keep this civil."

"Civil. You two come in my hospital room and tells me to stay away from Catherine and Lindsey and we have to be polite about it."

"Look here young lady, just looking at you tells me that you are trouble and so I've had Sam look in to you."

"You did what!!!! You want to know something about me, ask, don't go snooping around no matter how natural it might come to you. You have no right to do that!" Sara told them angrily.

"We have every right when our daughter and granddaughter's well being are at stake. Sam and I were more than a little surprised when we dug in to you a little. Death seems to follow you around."

"That's not my fault." Sara tried to sound convincing and hoped her voice didn't waver. There was this nasty trail that seemed to try to keep up with her but there was no way on god's green earth that Cath would get hurt, no way.

"No but put your hand on your heart and tell me Catherine is safe with you."

"YES." Sara was more confident this time. She knew for sure that no matter what was out there Catherine and Lindsey stood a better chance with Sara around than not. Sara would never be able to tell the two people who stood in front of her just how much she loved Catherine and just what lengths she would go to keeping them safe but she'll try to them anyway. "I would die to save them."

"Really?" Sam smiled and Sara was reminded of a vampire with the scent of blood in its nose. "Because I for one would love to test that."

"Are you threatening me, Mr. Braun?"

"No I merely am telling you to stay away from my daughter."

Sara slumped down on her bed the moment they left her room. That had been somewhat intense and Sara found herself feeling like a marked woman. It was no secret in Vegas that Sam Braun wasn't the mild mannered casino owner he tried to portray and people who crossed him never really lived to do it twice. But there was no way that she was going to be intimidated out off having the family she had wanted since about a week after coming to Vegas. She did want to know why Catherine had never mentioned, to Sara at least, that Sam was her father.

Sara lay there for a while trying to weigh up whether or not to tell Catherine what had just happened. Sara knew with her luck, at some point Catherine would find out and Sara would be in big trouble if she didn't tell her first. What did she say though, was it wise to rat on one's nearly girlfriend's parents.

"Aaron does know you're going to spend this evening with me right?"

"For the tenth time yes, Cath. I called him before I called you. More importantly you could get this shift off ok; boss isn't playing hooky is she." Sara smirked.

Catherine took her eyes of the road for a second to smile at Sara. She was glad that she seemed a little more relaxed than she had at Aaron's apartment. Catherine was sure something had happened, she was just praying that Sara would choose to open up to her soon. Getting information out off Sara when she didn't want to share was sometimes like getting blood out of a stone.

Although Sara didn't seemed to want to speak about what was bothering her Catherine was not one for bottling things up and there was something she needed to ask.

"So Aaron was ok with me picking you up?"

"Yeah he was cool. I think he was glad, saved him worrying about me doing too much while he's at work and hurting myself."

"Did he ask why you were coming to mine?"

"I think he kind of already knows."

Sara turned in her seat the best she could without hurting herself. She wanted to see the look on Catherine face. They were yet to define their relationship and Aaron seemed to already know.

"And he's ok with that, with me." Catherine asked suddenly unsure of how Aaron might feel about her dating his sister. It was one thing being their work colleague and sometimes friend but it was something else to be dating Sara. Would Aaron just accept Catherine in his sister's life, especially after everything that had happened? Catherine didn't know but she really hoped he would.

Sara reached over and placed her hand on Catherine's thigh and squeezed a little. This was the side of Catherine she felt privileged to see. Not many got to see vulnerable Catherine and Sara swore she would never abuse that trust.

"Cath, he's cool. You can ask him if you feel the need to but whatever we choose to do, he'll be behind us all the way."

"Ok." Catherine release the breath she been holding in dread, and relaxing now that she knows that Aaron would not be an obstacle in her relationship with his sister.

"Good, now what did the boys say to the boss about taking some time out?"

"I saw them real quick as I was getting ready to come get you. I had an assault at Stripperama and a trash run at Flamingo and Koval. So I handed them over. They know to call me if anything comes up. So I didn't really give them much time to say anything beside 'good-bye'." Catherine relate as they continue on their way to her house.

"So you're comfortable." Catherine asked anxiously.

"Yeah Cath I'm fine." Sara rolled her eyes from her seat on the couch. They had been at Catherine's for about twenty minutes and in that time Sara had watched, slightly amused as Catherine had gone on a full fussing mode. Sara was beginning to feel as though she was being avoided slightly although she had no idea why. The only thing that Sara could think that would be making Catherine so uncomfortable was her being there. Catherine had sounded happy to have Sara come round for a while when Sara had phone the older woman, Sara was now wondering if Catherine had felt like she had to say yes.

"Are you sure I can't get you a blanket; I have a few spare ones in the closet." Catherine stated in an attempt to give herself another reason not to sit down. She had no idea why she was so worried about being alone with Sara but she was. She was sure Sara wanted to be there, it was after all her who had made the call. The only thing Catherine could put it down to was the fact that there was still that one step between them. Catherine was beginning to wonder if they were ever going to just say 'I like you, lets date'. As long as they didn't say these words or something close to it, Catherine realised she would continue to feel uncomfortable.

"Cath."

As Sara called her name gently Catherine realised she had zoned out. She looked over to find concerned filled brown eyes turned in her direction.

"Sorry I zoned out there a little. Were you saying something?"

"Yeah." Sara furrowed her brows more than a little concerned. "I said that if for some reason I was cold on this rather warm Vegas day then there was a perfectly good throw here on the back of the couch." Sara's arm went to the back of the couch to rest on the throw just to make her point." I also said I don't think my body temperature is the issue here."

"I have no idea what you mean." Catherine stonewalled Sara.

"Cath," Sara sighed a little frustrated. They would never get anywhere if they were both this stubborn in their private lives too. "Sit with me." Sara finally continued, patting the seat gently at her side.

Catherine took a seat at Sara's side tucking her feet under herself she turned her attention to the woman at her side.

Sara opened her arms and was relieved when Catherine went willingly in her embrace.

Pulling her legs from under herself Catherine rested them over Sara's lap snuggling into Sara's chest. Sara's small wince reminded Catherine that the woman in her arms was still mending even after five weeks in hospital.

"Sorry." Catherine apologised but Sara just shook her head telling her not to worry. They sat in silence for a moment before Sara spoke.

"Is my being here making you uncomfortable?"

"No, why would you ask that?" Catherine was quick to respond.

"Well it's just that since we got back you have done anything you can so you don't have to come sit and talk to me."

"I'm sorry it seemed that way Sar', I really am. It wasn't about you being here. I was so happy when you called then I got to thinking..... I'm just being silly ok... I'm more than happy in your arms."

"What were you thinking?" Sara asked not willing to let this go. It must have been something pretty important if it had Catherine all worked up.

"Nothing I was just being silly."

"About what?" Sara sat up straighter ignoring her body's protests at the movement. Catherine was forced to sit up too in order not to hurt Sara. Sara took this opportunity to place two fingers under Catherine's chin so the blonds blue eyes were looking into her brown ones. "It matters to me if you have something on your mind and it's upsetting you."

"I was thinking about us."

"What about us."

"I want to be your girlfriend." Catherine finally admitted closing her eyes so she couldn't see Sara's reaction.

"Open your eyes baby." Sara asked gently, leaning to kiss Catherine's nose. She was so grateful for the courage Catherine had shown because she herself wasn't sure she could have said it in fear of being rejected.

Catherine hesitated for a moment, her emotions battling away. If Sara was mad than why would she be so gentle? Catherine had been hurt in the past though and those scares would always be with her. After a moment Catherine opened her eyes and almost drowned in the sea of emotions in the eyes looking right back at her. The passion was ferocious and Catherine felt that if she broke eye contact she would die. Her heart pounded in her ears as she took in Sara's feelings for her, feelings that were laid bare in the brunette's eyes. Catherine wondered if Sara had felt this way for a while, how she herself had never seen a hint of it. Catherine also prayed that her eyes were as expressive because she didn't think she could ever find the words to tell Sara what she was feeling in that moment.

"I want you to be my girlfriend." Sara told her gently. "No I want you to be my partner. I want to share everything with you Cath because …" Sara paused for a moment was it too soon for the L word she was no good at judging this sort of thing. All she could go on though was what she was feeling and what she felt Catherine needed. "I love you, have for a while. I don't want a fling, I want you and Linds for as long as you think you can put up with me."

When Catherine started to cry Sara started to panic. Reading the looking in her lover's eyes Catherine was quick to try and clarify the situation.

"Happy tears I promise."

"Good because I was beginning to think I wasn't making a very good start."

"You're doing fine. I just can't believe that after all this time I actually get to hear you say you love me. I have wanted to hear that so much and to be able to say this." Catherine paused a moment to kiss Sara lightly on the lips. "Sara Sidle I love you too so much. It's a little overwhelming."

"Why has it taken us so long to get here?" Sara asked pulling Catherine close once more and settling back in the couch.

"I know I have a lot to do with that." Catherine admitted.

"I'm not looking to lay blame." Sara reassured her pulling her tighter. "I just can't believe you feel this good in my arms and I'm just getting to find this out."

"Well here's to not forgetting." Catherine declare softly as she kiss Sara, looking forward to whole lot more kisses in the future.

* * *

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	25. Heineken and painkillers

"Cath." Sara shook her gently. "Baby your hips vibrating and as nice as it feels I don't think it's meant to do that."

Sitting up a little Catherine groaned sleepily rubbing her eyes.

"My phone," She reached in between them fishing her cell from her pocket.

"Willows," She answered and yawned. "Rick calm down, you're making no sense… When … No I'm on my way. Did you call Griss? … No, you have to finish your scene… I know I love him too but Rick finish your scene… I'm coming now, meet us there when you can … yeah and we'll find him."

Catherine shut her phone slipping off Sara's lap.

"Cath, what's going on?"

"Nicky." Catherine managed to get out before bursting into tears.

"Nicky what?" Sara asked getting gingerly to her feet, sleeping sitting up was not the best thing she should've done, right then. She pulled Catherine into a hug, running her hand over the blonde's back in a soothing motion.

"Gone." Catherine choked out between sobs.

"Gone?" Sara asked pulling away a little. Nicky was not her favourite CSI but that didn't mean she wanted anything to happen to him. Surely Catherine didn't mean he was dead.

"Taken from his crime scene."

'_Oh that's so much better than what I was thinking!'_

"We should go in then, get started on finding him." Sara said with one last squeeze to Catherine once the blonde had calmed down a little.

"You need to rest."

"No way, Nicky is missing. That's going to need the whole team."

"Sara, you're healing still."'

"Maybe I am but I can do lab work and I can be there for you, Cath. You're not alone any more we're in this together."

"I don't deserve you." Catherine smiled.

"No, you deserve better."

Sara feared for her life as Catherine's eyes darkened. "Never let me hear you say that again ok, never." Catherine insisted.

"What?" Sara was a little confused.

"There is no better for me ok. You're all I'll ever want. EVER." Catherine declared passionately.

"Ok baby calm down I was joking, you and I, Ms Willows were made for each other."

"I just hate the thought of you thinking you're less than me or less than what I would want."

"Cath I've spent most of my life thinking I was less."

"Well." Catherine pulled Sara close. "I'm going to spend the rest of your life making you believe you're amazing."

"Good luck with that." Sara said half teasingly.

%%

"We're going to find him."

They had been driving for what felt like forever to Sara and the silence was killing her. She wanted to be able to do something to make Catherine feel better.

"I know we'll find him. We just need to find him in time."

"Cath you have to keep thinking positive."

"Will you do something for me?"

"Anything Cath you know that."

"Stay in the lab tonight. I don't think I could do my job and worrying about whether you're ok too."

Sara sat back in her seat and pondered the request. She had forgotten that caring for someone cut both ways. Catherine was already on edge from hearing about Nick it made sense to Sara that she would want the younger woman safe. It wasn't something that sat well with Sara; she was your all action girl, walks into action and asks questions later.

"Cath, I can't just sit this one out. What if Griss says he needs me?"

"Tell him you're still healing. Tell him you can't do it, tell him anything just don't… Please just don't."

Catherine's slim hold on her control wavered and tears formed in her eyes, it seemed the harder she tried to blink them away the harder they fell. The thought of Nick being out there somewhere, coupled with her still raw emotions over Sara's injuries were just too much for her. She had so nearly lost Sara, her Sara, she could say that now but it had been so close seeing Sara laying there so still, so pale, was scary. In a way she had blamed Nick for that. She had found a way to try and move past it but she wasn't sure she had ever said sorry to Nick for all the awful things she had said to him in the hospital.

"Cath?"

Sara was alarmed to see the tears streaming down her girlfriends face. This was the side of Catherine she was going to have to get used to seeing. In all the time they had known each other Sara could count on one hand the amount of times Catherine had cried in front of her. Leaning over a little Sara place her hand on top of Catherine's and helped the now near hysterical blonde pull the car to the side of the road.

"Cath, talk to me." Sara pleaded as Catherine just continued to cry. Feeling she had a better chance of getting Catherine to calm down if she could hold her, Sara got out off the car and made her way around to the driver's side. Sara cursed herself all the way, what was she thinking letting Catherine drive knowing what she was going through? She should've insisted to drive instead of letting Catherine do so. Pulling the door open Sara crouched at Catherine's feet running her hand over her thigh. Ignoring the protest of her ribs Sara pulled Catherine tighter when the older woman finally let her hold her.

Sara mumbled nonsensical soothing sounds as she ran her hands over Catherine's back. Waiting for the older woman to calm down a little. As Catherine's breathing evened out a little Sara spoke again.

"Want to talk about it."

"We came so close to losing you." Catherine announced after a moment. "It never really hit me till now that you could have died. You laid there so still, so pale Sar' and I was so scared."

"I'm here Cath, I'm safe. You can't keep me under lock and key, it's not who I am. We all know the nature of the job, baby even Nicky."

"What if I had my last bit of luck keeping you alive?"

"Then it will be Grissom's luck or maybe 'Rick's that means we'll find Nick. We will you know, you just have to believe it's not his time."

Popping the lid from another bottle of beer, Sara relaxed back in the sofa and closed her eyes with a sad sigh. Sara found herself doing two things she never thought she would have to once she finally got to hear Catherine say the words,_ 'I want to be your girlfriend.'_ Still here she was alone in her apartment self medicating with Heineken and painkillers.

Resting her feet on the coffee table in front of her, a rustling of paper caught her attention. Reaching down Sara retrieved the note that had been waiting for her when she got home.

Miss Sidle,

I meant what I said, stay away from my daughter.

Sam Braun

Sara knew that it was a sign of intent. It told Sara that Sam knew exactly where she lived and he wasn't going away.

Closing her eyes once more Sara let the events of the last few days wash over her.

She could never describe the feelings that exploded inside her as Catherine told her that she wanted them to be together. It was like every dream she had ever had came true in that moment. Falling asleep with Catherine wrapped securely in her arms was all she had ever wanted to do feel the blonds head on her chest and be able to run her fingers through that silky blond hair.

All those little dreams had come true in one evening in Catherine's house. It seemed though that no sooner had they finally found some footing that the rug had been pulled out.

Nick's kidnapping had meant to drive a nail in to the hearts of the CSI's and it had in more ways than one. A father's desperate attempt to show his feelings of injustice and impotence on a grand stage had also highlighted to Sara that there was still a lot that needed to be said and done between her and Catherine if they were to be happy in the long run.

Sara was pretty sure that Catherine wouldn't have been crying alone in the ladies restroom if she trusted her totally. Sara knew that Catherine had not wanted her to know and Sara was sure that no one else had noticed Catherine's little breakdown, but no one else had spent years learning to read Catherine so that it came as easy as one of the five senses to read her feelings. Sara had know as they sat in the break room talking about their findings early in the case that Catherine had been crying and was so much more upset than she was letting everyone see.

Catherine had been sitting just two seats away from her at the time wearing her glasses; it normally took all of Sara's resolve not to jump Catherine in those glasses. The only signs that she wasn't has calm as she wanted people to believe she was, had been her looking wan, and agitated but with no outward sign that she had been crying but Sara was just sure she had been crying. All she had wanted to do was pulled Catherine in her arms and tell her to remember that they were going to find him. She hadn't been sure that it would have been welcomed; it was as if Catherine had put all her armour back up and Sara would just have bounced of off it.

It hadn't help Sara in that moment that she couldn't pin down her own feelings over the whole situation. She was well aware of how close she had come to dying even if she hadn't talked to anyone about it. She also knew how long she had been left there by Nick. It was hard not to feel a little mad at him for just leaving her there. She would never wish anything this bad on him, they had no clue what was happening to him, what was being done to him. She was sure they had all had their moments to think about what Nick was going through. She was sure though that none of the others could come up with some of the scenario that she did. When she closed her eyes imaging what could be happening to him, her blood stop cold at the image that pop in her mind, she sometimes wished she didn't have the real life experience to fuel her imagination.

Grissom had been talking about the ether that had been found on the fibres recovered at the scene. For the life of her, Sara hadn't been able to concentrate on the room around her. In all her time working in the crime lab being around Catherine had never been that distracting.

Watching Grissom take the envelope that Hodges had wrestled of the deliveryman it had taken a lot of resolve for Sara to stop herself from wrapping her arms around Catherine from behind, and then again once they had seen the live feed of Nick in that Coffin. It was clear that working swing shift together had brought Catherine and Nick even closer.

Then came the moment that had changed things for Sara, standing outside Grissom's office listening at the door had not been her initial intention. She had been on her way to deliver some more information Archie had for Grissom.

'"_Catherine, if the press finds out about this, it'll look like Sam Braun bribed the lab." That had gotten Sara's attention._

"_He's a casino owner. A leader of industry. Never convicted of any crime. And right now, I don't care about the integrity of the lab at the moment. I care about Nick"._

"_Yeah, well, so do I, but nonetheless ..."_

"_Well, you're sitting here like Jack Handy with your deep thoughts, staring at a coffee cup. You got a better plan, I'm all ears"_

"_All right. But I make the drop. You're hands off."_

"_That's my money."_

"_You can't be seen anywhere near this money. It was given to the lab anonymously. Agreed?"_

"_Agreed."'_

Sara had made herself scares at that point, not wanting Catherine to know that she had heard. Catherine had gone to Daddy when the going had got tough.

So here she sat alone, the money it's self hadn't lead to Nick's release but from the evidence they had managed to pull together from the half devastated warehouse had provided them with enough clues to find Nick.

Catherine was at the hospital with Nick and Lindsey was at Nancy's house leaving Sara alone with nothing but a fresh six pack and her thoughts.

A knock at the door brought an end to the silence Sara was actually beginning to enjoy. For a moment Sara thought about ignoring whoever was at the door, then the banging got louder and Sara didn't want her neighbours complaining about the noise. Checking the peep hole Sara stopped in her tracks as she took in the sight of Catherine through the tiny whole.

"Sar' I know you're in there please open up." Catherine almost begged from the other side of the door snapping Sara from her daze.

Slipping the door open but not moving to let Catherine in, Sara faced the older woman.

"Catherine?"

"What? You're not going to let me in?" Catherine asked raising her eye brows. She had no idea what she had managed to do to upset Sara since finding out about Nick. She was sure whatever it was though she could be forgiven for it, after all the whole lab had been under a lot of stress.

"Maybe we should talk tomorrow once we've both gotten some sleep."

"I want to talk now." Catherine insisted. "Since I have no clue as to what I've done."

"You haven't done anything. I just think we need to talk."

"Ok then let me in."

Catherine insisted, pushing Sara gently. Sara though lost her balance a combination of beer, painkillers and not a lot to eat left her a little uncoordinated.

"Sar you ok?" Catherine asked, crouching next to Sara "Have you been drinking?" Catherine asked after a moment.

"I don't know what you mean." Sara tried to lie.

It was pointless though as Catherine looked up and found five empty bottles on the floor next to Sara's sofa and a fresh six pack on the table. Helping Sara up Catherine led her to the sofa and made her sit down. Taking a seat next to Sara, Catherine shook her head, she had always known Sara had a destructive streak; you only had to look in her eyes sometimes to see it. Looking round the apartment though it was evident just how deep that streak went. Catherine took the unopened six pack from the table walking over to Sara's sink she opened the first bottle and poured the contents away. It took till the third bottle for Sara' shock to wear off and she reacted.

"Cath what are you doing?" Sara demanded making her way over to the sink.

"You don't need them." Catherine told her emptying the last bottle away. "And please tell me you weren't taking these with beer." Catherine demanded finding Sara's half empty pill bottle.

"Just a couple." Sara admitted not able to look Catherine in the eyes, alone feeling sorry for herself her actions had seemed ok but here with Catherine looking hurt and angry Sara felt ashamed of herself.

"We could have lost Nick today, just a few more minutes he would have run out of air. What do you think would have happened Sara if I'd have gotten here and found you passed out from a mixture of alcohol and painkillers."

"I wasn't thinking like that. It hurts, that's all and the pain killers helped and I needed a beer." Sara admitted, there really was no better answer, sometimes she was just an ass. "I don't have a drinking problem though." Sara was quick to point out. She was sure that most of the lab thought she was a closet alcoholic sometimes. _'You get one DUI and all of a sudden you're out of control'._

"I know you don't have a drinking problem Sar,' I never have. Something is wrong though. I came here needing to be near you after seeing Nick like that. I get here and you won't let me in and you've been drinking. Sara I'm not leaving here till you talk to me."

They sat at opposite ends of the sofa legs tucked up under themselves facing each other, knee's touching. The silence hung between them for a while till Sara broke it.

"How's Nick?"

"He's doing really well." Catherine replied with a soft smile. "I left him with his Mom and Dad, it was time for family and I was in the way really. Plus I just wanted to come see you."

"Today was rough on you." Sara pointed out leaning forward a little to push some hairs behind Catherine's ear.

"It was hard on us all." Catherine countered. Holding Sara's hand in place and leaning into the touch. "Sar' what are you smiling at?" Catherine questioned. She was trying to have a serious conversation with Sara and the brunette was grinning at her like the damn Cheshire cat.

"Sorry, I'm taking you seriously, really I am. It's just your hair…"

"What's wrong with it?" Catherine asked hands rushing to her head trying to smooth down a hair emergency.

"Nothing if you'd let me finish." Sara smiled. "It's just I get to touch it and it's so soft and you smell so good." Sara continued placing kisses along Catherine's hair line.

Catherine groaned momentarily lost in the feeling of Sara's lips on her skin. Regaining her composer quickly Catherine pushed lightly on Sara's chest.

"Stop."

The one word was clear and precise and Sara leaned back immediately.

"Sorry."

"No baby god that felt good. You keep that up and it's only going to lead one place."

"Is that so bad?" Sara wondered.

"Normally I would say no but I want us to talk. Thank you though."

"What for?"

"I said stop and you did without hesitation."

"Of course I would never force myself on anyone. Never you, Cath, I love you baby and no means no."

"Well I wish you would have taught some of my ex's that."

"Cath has anyone ever…" Sara paused this was the second time she had found herself asking Catherine this type of question and finding the words were no easier this time round. The thought of rape on anyone man or woman appalled Sara, the thought of someone using Catherine like that was too much.

Sara was quick to condemn the macho men of the world who felt sorry for themselves when their girlfriends were raped, wanting to go attack people because that made everything right. She wasn't sure though faced with the same situation she would keep her temper any better, would her natural reaction be to abandon Catherine and go find someone to punish. All Sara could do was pray that neither she nor Catherine found themselves in that position.

"No." Catherine assured her pushing Sara back into a sitting position and crawling on to her lap. "Some guys like to try their luck." Catherine told her resting her head on Sara's chest.

"Not with me Cath I promise you that."

"I know because I know you baby. That is one of the reason's I know that there is something off with you apart from the pain killer party."

"Like you said it's been hard on all of us."

"It was before that. There was something wrong right from the day I picked you up from Aaron's."

Sara felt trapped if she told Catherine what her Mom and Sam had said; would it just make things worse? Would Sam take that as a signal for an all out war? She was sure that if she told Catherine there was no way that she could get Catherine not to do anything about it. Sara wasn't sure she felt strong enough to take on Sam Braun all by herself. Fighting demons was one thing, fighting a full blown old Vegas villain was something else, in a way a demon had better morals, after all they were meant to be evil it was in their DNA.

Sara's eyes were drawn to the letter on the coffee table. If she made a sudden move for it then Catherine was going to want to know what it was without fail. If she left it Catherine was likely to see it at some point and then she would be hurt that Sara hadn't told her herself. Smacking her head off the arm of the sofa Sara let out a groan she hated Sam Braun!

"Sar' baby don't do that." Catherine straddled Sara's lap placing her hands on either side of Sara's face holding her head still. "What is it?"

Shaking her head free of Catherine's hold Sara wrapped her arm around Catherine, holding her steady as she leant over to the coffee table and retrieved the letter, handing it to Catherine.

Catherine read in silence for a moment before looking up at Sara. "What does he mean, he meant what he said?"

Catherine was a raging mix of emotions. Sam had the nerve to poke his nose in her personal life. How dare he warn anyone off? If there was any one in her life that was unsuitable then it was the one and only Sam Braun. Then there was the fact that Sara now knew that Sam was her dad. It was something that she was sure Sara would have wanted to hear from Catherine herself. No wonder Sara had seemed a little distant the last few days, she must have been going out off her mind worrying about this, about Catherine and looking for Nick.

"See." Sara started talking and Catherine looked up. "The bit that got me the most about all this was the fact that Sam lovingly refers to you as his daughter."

"I was going to tell you."

"Yeah once you deemed me fit, or after he caped my knees?" Sara wanted to know. "I would have been a whole lot less intimidated the day your Mom and Sam came to see me in the hospital if I had a clue what they were talking about."

"THEY WHAT!"

Catherine was beyond pissed now. Sam she understood, he knew no better way but if her mom had a problem with her seeing Sara then she should have come to her not gone to see Sara. Catherine would be having a rather stern conversation with her mom.

"It's still taking a bit of getting used to, Sam being my father. I didn't tell you, not because I don't trust but because I'm just not sure I want to introduce him as my father."

"I get that." Sara smiled cupping Catherine's cheek. "But that wasn't all we need to talk about."

"Ok let me make you a coffee and we can talk." Catherine gratefully replied, looking forward and feeling a little dread at the talk that Sara seems to think they needed to have.

* * *

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	26. Breakfast In Bed

Sara sighed contently and rolled over to her side to face Catherine. _'This really is the most fun I've had with clothes on.'_ She thought running her finger over Catherine's bottom lip and watching her sleeping form turn toward the touch. Catherine had been asleep for nearly twelve hours, and Sara was pretty sure that this was the longest she had slept in the last couple of days. She guessed that everything that has been happening the last few days took their toll on Catherine, and their little talk last night probably added while at the same time relief some of the burden Catherine has been carrying lately. After they had talked about Catherine's parents trying to threaten Sara into staying away from Catherine and also the best way to deal with them, Catherine had fallen into an exhausting sleep.

Sara had managed to get a few hours but just the pull of Catherine next to her was too much for her to get any real rest. Watching Catherine could be her new favourite thing; she looked so peaceful, the sadness that had tinted her every waking moment while Nick was missing seemed to be gone when she was sleeping.

Sara's stomach reminded her that she had skipped at least two meals and although the pull of food on its own was nowhere near enough to get her out of bed, the fact that she might make puddles where she laid if she didn't to the bathroom, was becoming a problem.

Reluctantly she untangled herself form Catherine, being very careful not to wake her as she did so. She padded into her bathroom, god it was an amazing feeling to get out of bed and walk in the bathroom knowing that Catherine was asleep in her bed, in fact she was considering chaining Catherine to the bed so she could do this all the time. Thoughts of Catherine chained to her bed sent her mind in a whole other direction and vivid images of the blonde naked tied to the bed, the entire expanse of soft creamy skin exposed to Sara came to mind, and Sara shuddered at the thought.

This was the place that had so long been denied to her and the only place she knew that she really wanted to be. Sleeping with Catherine, having sex that was one thing, something she was sure that if she had really wanted that she could have had any time up to that moment. She had always secretly wanted more, wanted snuggles in bed and making breakfast for her and showering together.

She turned to watch Catherine sleep for a moment more before deciding that she wanted to make at least one of her fantasies come true.

Trudging to the bathroom, she closed the door and stripped of her clothes. Goose bumps formed on her skin and her nipples hardened as she dropped her bra to the floor. It had nothing to do with the room's temperature, no, it was the realisation that she was naked in her bathroom and Catherine was sleeping only few feet away sent a shiver of arousal down her spine.

%%

Sara kicked the door behind her closed and headed to the kitchen with the bags of groceries she had in her hands. Her desire to make Catherine breakfast in bed had been fraught by the fact that all she owned was Beer and Sweet popcorn.

Deciding that it was just not healthy and that if Catherine and Lindsey were going to be around more she was going to need a whole lot more in her cupboards she had dressed and gone shopping for them.

After unpacking, a quick check on Catherine which had nearly ended in Sara jumping the older woman. Catherine had rolled onto her back in her sleep and the T-shirt she was sleeping had rode up revealing a rather nice expanse of stomach and Sara had been rather tempted to latch her lips on to it. She hadn't though and once she had convinced herself that Catherine was safe and sound, sleeping like a baby she had set about making breakfast. Many mornings of watching Catherine carefully had left her with the knowledge that waffles and syrup followed by bacon and scrambled eggs would go a long way towards making the blonde smile.

Sara hummed along to music in her head as she made her way around the kitchen. She was pretty sure it would have all been done sooner if she had not had to stop to pinch herself every few moments as she remembered where she was, what she was doing and more importantly who she was doing it for.

%%

Catherine woke to the smell of fresh waffles and coffee. She was pretty sure she was dead and had woken up in some sort of heaven. She really could not tell –if asked- how many times she had wished she had woken up to this, with just maybe Sara the mystery cook, she just know that she had wished for it a lot and never thought it would happened not even once. It took her a moment to wake up properly and remember she was not in her own bed. She laid there for a moment or two stretching as she tried to piece together the few hours before she had fallen asleep. Rolling over to check the clock she sat up abruptly as she realised she had been asleep for over twelve hours. Pulling her watch from the bedside table and fastening it on her wrist she doubled checked the time, convinced there must have been a power out. All her watched did was confirm what the green display of the clock was saying.

'_You're a CSI, you can work this out.'_ She told herself running sweaty palms through her hair. _'Ok what do I remember, Sara was in a funny mood you checked on Nick and went round to see…'_ "Oh." Catherine said aloud as she realised that she had asked Sara to hold her while she slept and she was still in Sara's apartment.

'_And Sara's making you breakfast, nonetheless.'_

Any thoughts of awkwardness between them vanished from Catherine's head as she watched the bedroom door open and Sara popped her head in.

"Good, you're finally awake." She beamed pushing the door open with her hip trying to balance the over laden tray in both her hands.

"Let me help." Catherine told her getting out of bed.

"Stay right where you are Ms." Sara told her with a mock glare. "I'm fulfilling a fantasy here, don't spoil it."

"Fine by me," Catherine smiled while making herself comfortable in bed as Sara sat by her placing the tray on Catherine's lap.

"Morning baby." Sara told her placing a chaste kiss on her lips. Catherine was quick to deepen it pulling on Sara's bottom lip till she was granted entrance. They kissed for a while until their lungs demanded oxygen and Catherine slowly, reluctantly pulled back.

"Good afternoon, beautiful." Catherine smiled pointing to the clock.

Sara swatted Catherine on the arm before settling down at her side, picking up her glass of juice and taking a sip.

"Not eating?" Catherine asked slightly concerned as she drowned her waffles in syrup. Sara really needed to have better eating habits, Catherine hope Sara had at least eat some of what she prepared for her.

"They never stood a chance." Sara smiled with fake sadness.

"What?" Catherine asked confused.

Sara motioned towards the plate. "Want some Waffle with that syrup?"

"Shut up." Catherine gently scolded "Oh and stop changing the subject. Why aren't you eating?"

"I am or will be. There are cinnamon bagels in the oven."

"I love cinnamon bagels." Catherine smiled pretty sure Sara already knew this.

"I know." Sara smirked while lovingly watching as Catherine started eating her breakfast.

%%

"I want a date." Catherine stated.

Sara lay on her bed watching Catherine as she took on a Sudoku from the book she had found half shoved under the bed. Sara watched with keen interest as Catherine's eyes narrowed in concentration. She took in every detail from the way Catherine's hair hung over her face a little, to the way she idly took the end of the pen into her mouth.

"Huh!" Sara asked shaking herself out off her daze. She was pretty sure that Catherine was talking to her; her lips were moving after all. Thing was Sara's mind was still stuck on the fact that Catherine Willows had had breakfast in her bed and was now wearing her old UC Sunnydale gym shirt and nothing else in bed.

"I want a date with you."

"Well we've slept together and I haven't even brought you dinner so I guess you're right."

"We didn't. I mean we were, not that was it I mean I didn't, did I." Catherine blushed slightly totally flustered at the thought; she had been out of it the night before so tired from what happened with Nicky that the night was mostly a blur still nothing would have happened, would it?

Sara had to smile; Catherine was adorable when she was flustered. The red tinge to her cheeks suited her. Not that Sara was used to seeing it, Catherine was the one in control normally and Sara was happy to believe that lost of control meant that this mean as much to Catherine as it did to her.

"No, you were out of it by the time we had finished talking. I know it was a lot for you, with what happened to Nicky and then me finding out about Sam and our little talk. Do you remember what you asked?"

"I needed you to hold me while I slept."

"And I did and that's all we did."

"Well now I want my date."

"A date, huh, you sure you're ready to date a Sidle?"

"I'm sure I'm ready to date this Sidle." Catherine told her as she moved forward a little to gently stroke her hair.

"Good because I've had so many years to think about our first date. So I've got a lot to work with."

"Why Miss. Sidle, you have a very romantic side hidden in there."

"Well Ms. Willows, play your cards right and it won't be hidden. And that's your phone." Sara smiled as Catherine's cell vibrated and then rang on the bed side table.

"I should get that." Catherine told her a little disappointed.

"Yeah." Sara smiled slipping off the bed, grabbing the tray she had brought earlier. "Could be Linds."

%%

Sara packed the dirty plates from breakfast in the dishwasher, praying that Catherine was not needed anywhere. The last few hours with her here in the apartment just for her, thinking of nothing but her, had been amazing. Sara was falling harder for Catherine, with every moment they spent together and she didn't want it to be over. Sara was sure that her prayers had fallen on death ears as Catherine emerged from the bedroom moments later fully dressed. Up till thirty seconds ago she had always admired the way Catherine dressed. She managed to look to sexy for words and functional for work all in the same outfit. But at that moment Sara hated all her clothes, anything that wasn't the T-shirt Catherine had on earlier was really far too many cloths right then.

"Duty Call," She stated rather than asked.

She shut close the dishwasher with her foot leaning, against it facing Catherine as she made her way around the lounge.

"Sorry baby, it's Lindsey, she needs me." Catherine smiled ruefully.

She stopped her movements around the room after finding her belongings and turned to face Sara. "I want to stay with you. But she's been in a fight and I've been called in."

"I know you have to go." Sara pushed away from the counter top walking over to her grabbing her hand. "We both know that Linds is the most important person in your world. Look I know you're not running out on me." She told her pulling her into a hug "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No!" Catherine stated looking uncomfortable.

"Ok." Sara pulled away. "Want time to think that through?" She asked sarcastically.

"That came out a little harsh."

"You think."

"Sar' look please I didn't mean anything by it."

"Trouble is you did. So what I'm good enough to keep you warm but not to be seen with you by your daughter."

"Sar' you're blowing this out of all proportion." Catherine desperately replied.

"I'm going to take a shower; I'll see you at work."

"Don't walk away from me." Catherine demanded as Sara headed to her bedroom.

"What else is there to say?" Sara asked stopping in her tracks and turning to face Catherine. Sara who had stopped in the doorway to her room folded her arms across her chest and rested her hip on the door frame. "I was ok last night when you needed someone to hold you, but here in the cold light of day I can't be seen to be around you. Do I have to walk just behind you at work and not look you in the eyes also?"

"We haven't talked about work yet Sar. There is still a lot we need to talk about."

"Yeah not now though, because Lindsey is waiting, so like I said I'll see you at work."

"I would stay if I could but you know how important Lindsey is." Catherine pointed out. She knew that Sara understood just how important her daughter was, she knew that Sara wanted to feel that Catherine valued her as a partner and not just a bed-warmer.

"I would never and will never try to make Lindsey come second, I said that."

"I know and I do want her to know about us. I do."

Catherine took a step forward and was thankful when Sara didn't move.

"I want to tell her together when she's not in trouble and we've had a chance to see how we work out. If we tell her and she's happy about it but we later decide we just can't make it work, it would hurt her too. But if we really work out and it's going well, we can tell her. I just don't want the pressure of a moody unhappy Lindsey coming between us."

"You think I might drive you crazy." Sara smiled a little.

"I think we might drive each other mad."

Catherine laughed leaning on tipping toes to kiss Sara's nose. Truly happy that another little fire regarding their newly budding relationship had been put out, hopping it will be this easy in the future but knowing that it probably won't be.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. **

**Next chapter ready and up soon may be so reviews will motivate me a little lol.  
**


	27. That first date

"Sar." Lindsey wrapped her arms around Sara's waist as she opened her apartment door.

"Linds." Sara greeted her just as enthusiastically when she realised who was at her door.

"She wanted to see you, though why after her little stunt I'm letting her get her own way I really don't know." Catherine admitted with a frown.

"You didn't have to come up." Lindsey shot at her mom.

"Don't push your luck." Catherine shot back.

"Hey ladies come on, calm down." Sara came between them holding her hands up. "Cath why don't you start some coffee. You know your way around, right. Linds, sofa."

The younger Willows woman watched on with arms folded as her mom headed off to the kitchen.

"Linds, sofa now," Sara stood before her, with hands on hips looking serious.

Sara sat next to Lindsey on the sofa and watched as the young girl fidgeted for a moment and Sara knew she was toying with something in her head.

"Spill, Short Stuff." Sara said after moment.

"I got in a fight."

Sara had to bit her tongue so she didn't say she already knew that. If Catherine wasn't ready for Lindsey to know about them, then she would just have to live with it. Besides she couldn't fault Catherine's logic. She wanted it all, right in that instant, though, she had always been that way.

"Don't look at me like that." Lindsey broke into Sara's thoughts.

"Well what can I say?"

"You're disappointed in me."

"No, not what I was thinking. I was thinking more of I thought we were moving past the fighting to get our point across stage."

"He asked for it."

"God Linds, if I had a dollar for every time I heard that in my job, I would be as rich as Bill Gate right now. You know where the people who said it end up?"

"In jail,"

"They are the lucky ones."

"He said my Mom was a whore."

Ok that stung Sara too, but she was trying to help Catherine teach Lindsey a better way so she bit down on her anger.

"Why?"

"Why, what?"

"Why did they say it?"

"His dad said that he once saw Mom dance."

"You know what your Mom used to do."

"I know she was a stripper."

"Do you know why?"

"Because she liked to take her clothes off," Lindsey said with disgusts.

"No Linds and you are out of order."

"Sorry." Lindsey replied ducking her head ashamedly.

"Look Linds, I'm not the one you need to be sorry with. You let off steam with me and that's ok. But you hurt your Mom when you treat her like that. You know why she used to strip. Because she needed to support your dad and she needed to get through night school to get a job to give you the life she wanted you to have."

"But all those men looked at her."

"Your Mom don't need to take her clothes off for people to look at her, she's beautiful and beautiful people get looked at. This kid's dad is just jealous because he doesn't have your Mom in his life."

"We do and we're lucky." Lindsey said proudly, feeling better about the situation.

"Yes we are. You and your Mom are the most amazing thing in my life since someone had the good sense to make Az my brother."

"I should talk to her, tell her what happened."

"Yeah and remember she's on your side, so cut her some slack."

%%

"Hey."

Catherine sat down tentatively next to Sara as she sat on the sofa flicking through news channels on the TV.

"Hey." Sara's voice was almost a whisper as she dropped the remote and turned her full attention to Catherine.

"Where's Linds."

"On the computer in my spare room."

"Sara, really do you have to reward her for being out of line."

Sara refused to fight with Catherine over her daughter, she was pretty sure Catherine was wound up by her reaction to not wanting to tell Lindsey and for once she wasn't just going to take the fight as an easy out.

"Why not try asking me what she's doing, Instead of just jumping to conclusions."

"I'm sorry I'm just lost with her right now. So what's she's doing?"

"Writing a letter of apologue. Have you spoken to her about what happened?"

"No but what does it matter? She was fighting and she knows how I feel about that."

"Have you asked her how she feels about it? Do you really think she likes being the bad kid?"

"She plays it so well."

"So did I, I still do, you've seen that."

"Sara, you've been through so much."

"Her parents split up, her parents thought all the time, she loved her Dad but even she knew he was a waste of space at times. He died here in a car she nearly died in too. And worst of all that she's becoming a teen, god there's a hormonal cocktail to make anyone cry. So you think that her life is a picnic?"

"No."

Catherine shook her head, tears in her eyes; sometimes she had no clue what she had done to have Sara there by her side. Whatever it was, Catherine was going to keep doing it to keep this amazing woman in her life. She moved closer to Sara and was happy when the brunette took the hint and pulled her close.

"Hey don't, it's okay. God I know how infuriating it can be, she can be and you're her Mom. I mean I get to walk away, you're the one who is always there, who she gets to take it out on."

"What do I do?"

"Talk to her, hear what she has to say Cath. She's not always doing things to get to you, sometimes she sees no other way out." Sara softly advised Catherine as she strokes her back gently.

%%

"Wine?" The waiter asked holding the drinks menu towards Sara.

"No, thank you. Can I get two glasses of water and a Mountain Fizz." Sara ordered for the three of them before turning back to the table.

"One glass of wine would not have killed." Catherine pouted and Sara made a mental not to tell her not to pout at her around Lindsey, if she really didn't want her to find out yet. Sara's overwhelming need to kiss her when she pouted would not be kept in restrain forever.

"No, but you can call Griss from PD and tell him why we won't be in when we get a DUI."

"Fair point." Catherine conceded smiling at Sara. They really didn't need to go there again, Sara probably wouldn't be that lucky twice.

"I like this." Lindsey smiled from one grown up to the other.

"What's that, hon? Because unless you can get uncle Griss to give me a raise; I so hope it isn't eating here."

"No silly, I like you and Mom being friends. I didn't like it when you fought all the time." Lindsey told Sara, suddenly finding the edge of the table cloth very intriguing.

"When we fight does it remind you of your dad?" Sara asked gently, lifting Lindsey's chin so they were looking eye to eye.

"Yeah Mom and dad fought all the time and then Dad went away, I like having you here."

"Yeah I like having Sara here too, baby." Catherine told her daughter sincerely. "And we're trying our hardest not to fight too much."

"I'm really sorry about today Mom."

"I know you are hon and I know it's hard for you."

"Sara, did you get into trouble when you were young?"

"Sometimes." Sara fibbed a little, thinking of all the times she and the rest of the Scooby's had been in trouble.

"What did your Mom do when you got into trouble?"

Catherine held her breath, she had felt privileged when Sara had confided in her, she was not sure though how Sara would take such a question, even from her beloved Lindsey. To her relief Sara smiled.

"When I got home she'd make me cookies and a big old glass of milk. You had to know my Mom and have tasted her cookies to know just how special they were. Every time it happened I couldn't eat the cookies, much to my sister's delight."

"You have a sister?" Lindsey asked fascinated.

"A little sister Cass, Cassandra, she got to eat my cookies too."

"I never knew you had a sister." Lindsey piped in.

"She died honey and I don't like to think about that all the time."

"I'm sorry." She told Sara in a small voice placing her hand over Sara's on the table.

"Hey, not your fault, you didn't know." Sara reassured the young girl squeezing her hand. "Anyway I'd drink my milk and go to my room. Mom would come up and we would talk, I'd try and explain what had happened and she'd see what she could do to help and then my Dad would come home and I'd be in trouble then."

"Wow, your Mom sounds cool."

"She was."

"You must really miss her."

"I really do."

%%

Sara tucked her jacket in her locker and smiled to herself as she caught the picture she had hung on the inside of the door. She had never been one for decorations in her locker but to her the space had been screaming out for a picture of the women in her life. The door closed with a bang which startled her and she looked up.

Sara found Catherine watching her from the door with a smile on her face.

"Hey you." Catherine said just above a whisper, a tone that never failed to make Sara want to kiss her. Noting that they were alone and Catherine was blocking the door Sara strode over to her in two big steps pinning Catherine to the door with her hips, pressing their lips together. Catherine groaned at the sudden movements and Sara took that opportunity to press her tongue into Catherine's warm depths.

"Hey you." Sara replied when the need for air was too great for her to ignore.

"You should say hello like that more." Catherine told her gently wiping lipstick from Sara's mouth. "Not your shade."

Sara smiled putting her fingers to her lips. It was something she had to think about now; Catherine's lipstick just would never look good on her. "I think I might take it upon myself to say hello like that quite a lot." Sara smiled, pulling Catherine away from the door so that they were sitting on the benches.

"You got Linds home ok." Sara asked.

"Yeah, she loved her evening with us not fighting."

"Well I enjoyed it too. I like not fighting with you Cath."

"I know we will still have fights though but we have to not dwell on them. We have to talk."

"Or we could kiss and make up."

Sara leant in to kiss Catherine once more but she pulled out of the way placing her hand on Sara's cheek.

"Baby?" Sara asked a little confused.

"I want to be serious Sar'. I mean it; we won't get anywhere if we don't talk to each other, if you're going to go back to shutting me out."

"I'm not going to, don't get me wrong it will be hard but I'm going to try and tell you all of me, not just what I think you want to hear."

"Good." Catherine leant in this time gently pressing her lips to Sara's.

"So where do you want to go on our second date?" Sara asked after a moment as they both went to their lockers.

"Second?" Catherine raised an eyebrow in her direction leaning back to look round her locker door.

"Well what was tonight, if note a date?"

Sara was well aware that it was nothing like a date but she could never resist teasing Catherine.

"My daughter was there, how was that a date?"

"Well at least I'm included her." Sara smirked and ducked as Catherine tossed something out of her locker at her.

"Hey, no fair I have no way of defending myself."

"Tough."

"Will two VIP tickets to Cirque du Soleil and dinner at Aureole for our proper official first date earn your forgiveness?" Sara asked holding out two tickets.

"VIP." She looked from Sara's hand still holding the tickets to her eyes. "You shouldn't have done that?"

"Why?"

"Well apart from the fact that they really must have cost you a fortune. I was only joking Sar, a date with you could be pizza here in the parking lot and it would be special to me as long as you're there."

"Well I care baby. You deserve the very best and I want to be the one to give it to you. Look I'm not out to try and buy you but I want to treat you like the queen you are to me."

Sara stopped at a total loss as she noticed the tears in Catherine's eyes.

"Look though if this is really not what you want then I'll sell the tickets and I'm sure someone could use the table and we can do whatever you want."

Sara found herself totally perplexed as Catherine just cried harder. Not knowing what else to do she pulled her in to a hug.

"Talk to me."

"I can't put it in to words, baby. No one has ever treated me like this, let alone called me their queen. I'm used to people thinking I'm a sure bet, no need to try too hard to get her to put out."

"Cath, the thought never even crossed my mind. When we're both ready, we'll know and I'm pretty sure it will be mind blowing just watching you walk to the bedroom knowing I'm going to get to make love with you. But if that's not for months than that's ok. Do you know what most of my fantasies about you were?"

"No."

"Just holding you and watching you sleep."

"Really?"

"Really, so should I keep the tickets?"

"Yeah, it would be my honour." Catherine replied beaming with happiness, which reassure Sara that she had made the right decision.

* * *

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**


	28. Bleeding

"You're bleeding." Catherine cooed gently, trying to reach Sara's arm.

"Leave it." Sara sighed pulling her arm out of the way and hissing with pain. "I've had worst."

"Yeah but that doesn't mean that I have to let you bleed. You have to remember that I love you and I want to look after you."

"I'm not a baby." Sara seethed, standing slowly, moving away from the car, running the fingers of her good arm through her hair. Why was she acting this way? She loved Catherine and she had always wanted someone other than Aaron to be there for her. What was stopping her just letting Catherine be there for her? She sighed again closing her eyes; her pride had well and truly been dented. Sara Sidle big bad Demon hunter just got stabbed by a homeless junkie. A homeless junkie whose parting shot had been to tell Sara that Catherine had once been on the game and had been round Nevada more times than $50 chip.

"At least let the Paramedics look at you." Catherine tried again walking a little closer to Sara. When she stiffened and took another step away, Catherine could no longer hold the tears in. She was scared she hadn't seen Sara this closed off in a long time. It felt like she was losing her and that hurt like hell. She knew something had been said between Sara and the nuttier who had attacked them; she had no idea why the ramblings of a nuttier would wind Sara up so much.

"If I talk to the Paramedics, then I'll have to talk to the police and I'm not going to."

"So what are you going to do, bleed to death?" Catherine challenged, her pain morphing into anger as she watched the woman she loved self destructed in front of her.

"No, like I said I had worse. I'll fix it."

"Sara."

"Sara, what? Yeah Cath I've had worse and I've patched myself up. You don't like it, tough it's part of who I am."

"It's not who you have to be though, Sara. People love you, I love you. What does it matter if we talk to the Police?"

Sara took deep breaths in and out through her nose. She had no idea why she was going off on Catherine over this. Catherine was right, she was loved but she was hurting and she had never been good at that.

"If we talk to the police then we'll have to give statements then we all know what happens next they call in CSI, you want to tell the gang that you we're here with me."

"What is that meant to mean?" Catherine demanded all thoughts of Sara bleeding going out of the window as Sara slowly mad her angry.

"Well you can't seem to find the courage to tell your daughter that I'm your girlfriend so how the hell are you going to tell the guys?"

"Oh my god you really are petty. The most important person in my life is my daughter. End of story and I will talk to her when I feel ready."

"When you're ready so this isn't about us then this is you making sure you stay in control of me?"

"I've never wanted to be in control of you, never, I love you."

"Isn't that a kind of control?"

"Maybe in your world," Catherine sighed, she knew exactly how Sara was going to take those words.

"I'm sorry my fucked up past is an inconvenience to you." Sara spat out as she walked away from Catherine.

**%%**

Slamming her purse on the table Catherine cursed into the darkness. How the hell had the night ended so badly? The night had been amazing she had never had a date where she had been treated like such a lady, revered almost. If she ever met the idiot that had attacked them she might have something to say to him. Why them, she asked herself and let out a bitter laugh. How many times had she sat listening to victims of crimes ask that very question. Flopping down into one of the chairs in the kitchen, resting her head in her hands she let her tears fall. She wanted Sara there with her, she wanted to know she was safe, wanted to know if Sara would ever be able to accept the love and support she so badly wanted to give her. She had really thought they were getting somewhere, of course she had taken Sara's heartfelt admission that she would always tell her exactly what was going on, with a pinch of salt. She had though not expected Sara to hide from her at the first attempt. All Sara's walls had gone slamming back up with such force it had given Catherine a headache. Heading up the stairs, she headed for the shower placing her cloths from that night in the trash bin, they had Sara's blood on them and she never wanted to see them again. Letting the warm water run over her aching tense muscles, she could not relax, not while she had no idea where Sara was. The logical thought was that he would go straight to Aaron's, though she did not feel like waking and worrying Aaron if she had chosen somewhere else to go. Stopping the water and stepping out off the stall, thoughts of all the places she might go slowly started to worry her. The thought of her turning to Sofia or Nancy in her moment of need choked her. In truth there was quite a few people that Sara could turn to that had been there for her when Catherine herself had decided to shut Sara down. Deciding that there was no way she was going to get any sleep that night she headed to the couch in the lounge and found a mind numbing news channel to try to block out the thoughts of Sara.

**%%**

"Life or death." Aaron grumbled wiping sleep from his eyes as he shuffled to the front door in his apartment. He had hoped that just ignoring the constant banging at the door would make it go away, no such luck though, all that had happened was it grew louder. Aaron swung the door open and all thoughts of killing the person on the other side of the door and going back to bed fled from his mind. "Sar'." He gasped taking in the form of his blood socked sister. It was a sight he had seen a lot over the years, though he was quick to realize that he had never gotten used to it. "What happened?" He shook himself out off his inaction, and pulled her into his home by her good arm.

"Got stabbed." She told him with a nonchalant half shrug.

"Got stabbed." He shook his head, leading her to the bathroom. "Lets try that again, shall we?"

"Some nuttier mugged me and left a present."

"And you're not at the hospital because? Oh who am i kidding you go voluntarily to a hospital!"

"I was going to say it's a long story."

"Well if you want me to stitch your arm, I want to hear it." Aaron made her sit on the toilet seat and helped her pull her t-shirt and her shirt over her head. "That looks deep are you sure you want me to do this?"

"Yeah please, you stitch, I'll talk."

"Ok sit still. I'll go get you something to drink, this is going to hurt."

**%%**

"So it's been a long time since you had to sow me up, huh." Sara grimaced and took another swig out off the bottle of whisky Aaron had given her.

"Yeah and I've missed this." Aaron shot back sarcastically.

"I was on a date with Catherine. Ouch," Sara pulled her arm away a little, holding her hand to the offending appendage looking at Aaron in surprise.

"Sorry." Aaron pulled her arm back placing a kiss on her arm before carrying on his work. "You just took me by surprise that's all. A date with Cath?"

"Yeah and we got mugged."

"On a date with Cath?" Aaron repeated still a little shock at hearing that little piece of information.

"Yeah Az, I was on a date with Cath. I asked and she wanted to have dinner with me. We kissed and I held her hand."

"God please, I never want to know that you and Cath have kissed." Aaron scrunched his face up wiping that mental picture from his mind. "Ok, so you and Cath were on a date and you got mugged so why are you here getting stitched up and not with her?"

"We had a fight."

"Ah I see, what did you said?"

"Nothing and I think that's the point."

"I'm lost." Aaron wondered why keeping up with Sara always seemed to be such hard work.

"I was a little wound up by something the nut who stabbed me said and then she wanted to look after me and I panicked, my mouth is never my friend."

"Done." Aaron told her gently applying ointment to the wound and covering it with a bandage. "What did he say to you?"

"Who?"

"Knife man." Sara stood up testing out her arm, wincing a little at the pain as she stretch out the arm. Aaron held out his hand, taking the dirty clothes pointing in the direction of the draw she could find some of her clean cloths. Sara sat on the end of Aaron's bed T-shirt in hand.

"He said that Cath used to be a hooker."

"And you just believed him?"

"Part of me always wondered if she ever took that step when she was dancing."

"Ask her."

"What if all I get is a slap, and my marching orders?"

"For asking a question she may not like it but you can ask?"

"I'm scared." Sara replied softly.

"Of Catherine being a hooker?"

"No I don't think so. Anyway I'm scared that I can't let her love me the way she wants."

"Why?" Aaron asked gently, pulling his sister close.

"She wants everything Az. No one even wanted or stood a chance of getting everything. Maybe I'm in over my head and I should just call it quits before anyone gets hurt."

"Anyone gets hurt Sar? If you dump her now, you'll hurt her, I guarantee you. And baby you'll hurt you too because we both know you love her and you want her to be there. Now stop sitting here wallowing and looking for the easy way out and go talk to Catherine."

"I'm not a coward."

"No....Then prove it." Aaron dared her, standing and pointing to the door.

"Wow can I at least get some sleep first?"

"I guess it would be best if you did. You are a cranky bear when you're tired." Aaron smiled ruffling his little sister's hair, hopping that Sara and Catherine manage to work it out in the end because he truly believe that being with Catherine would be good for his sister.

**%%**

A gentle tapping on her window brought Sara out off her daydream. She had no idea she had been sitting there so long till she checked the clock before pressing the button to lower the window. 12:26 the numbers read, she was pretty sure they only said 11:04 when she has pulled up outside Catherine's house.

"Planning on sitting there all day?" Catherine asked from the open window.

"Still not worked that one out."

"Well I'm guessing you came here to talk and there's no way I'm doing that in my front drive." Catherine turned to head back into the house and Sara watched as Catherine left the door open for her. She smiled as that one action seemed to sum up the place she found herself in. She had a choice she could follow Catherine in through the open door and see where it would take them or she could run and possibly keep running for the rest of her life. Sara was tired she felt like she'd been running forever running from her parents, from Stars memory even from god damn monsters. She really wasn't sure if she could go on running at some point everyone need to stop would it really be so bad to stop right her right now and let Catherine really love her. She adjusted her rear view mirror taking a moment to check her reflection, for a split second she was sure she saw Star smiling back at her and in that moment her mind was made up.

_'No more running Sidle!'_

Getting out off the car, locking it, she jogged up the steps on Catherine's porch through the open door and closed it behind her.

"Wow, it moves." Catherine said mockingly from the kitchen when she heard her front door close. Taking slow steps trying to gain some courage on the way Sara slowly headed to the kitchen.

"Yeah, it moves." Sara stood in the doorway to the kitchen watching Catherine walked around bare foot, making coffee. She had been in Catherine's house many times; all of them though were while she was watching Lindsey. She had never been there without Lindsey and she had never had the chance to watch Catherine move around so relaxed, and not be scared that she would kill her if she caught Sara looking. "And it's sorry."

"You always are Sara, always. And I'm glad you're sorry, I really am but I'm too old to play these push me, pull me games any more. I thought we were moving past that and I'm tired."

"Tired of me." Sara asked closing the gap between them as quick as she could. This conversation was starting to sound like she was going to get binned and she was never letting that happen. "I'm not letting you give up on us, Cath." Sara told her, placing her hands on the counter on either side of Catherine's body, trapping Catherine between herself and the counter. Catherine tensed for a moment at the feel of Sara's body so close behind her. She relaxed after a moment turning in the small space she had so she could face Sara. She looked at her for probably the first time that day and realised just how tired she looked. Dark bags under her eyes indicated to Catherine that Sara had probably gotten about as much sleep as she had. Catherine hated to feel like she was punishing her but she needed to be straight with Sara. They might as well call it quits right now rather than go on like this.

"You seemed so willing to turn your back on us last night."

"That's not true."

"Yes, it is. You were so keen to pushing me away rather than have me close there to help. Did you go to Aaron's, did he patch you up?" Catherine prodded at Sara's arm, in the general vicinity of the wound she had sustained the evening before. Sara winced a little, but did not complain, she simply took the arm out off her shirt to show Catherine a carefully bandaged wound.

"Yeah."

"Do you have any clue how much it hurts when he's the first person you turn to?"

"No." Sara admitted no able to look at Catherine finding her feet suddenly very interesting.

"No, Jesus Sara, is that all you can say?" Catherine seethed smacking her hands on Sara's chest repeatedly, trying to get her to step back.

"Cath please, calm down." Sara pleaded grabbing her arms as she raised them again. Sara pinned them to her sides bringing her head down to the side of Catherine's so she could speak in her ear. "Please stop hitting me, Cath." The plea hit straight to Catherine's heart and she stopped fighting against Sara resting her head on Sara's chest.

"I'm sorry you must feel like you spent your whole life being beaten up."

"Yeah, sometimes," Sara sighed resting her cheek on Catherine's head. "I know I hurt you last night and I know it must hurt to think that Aaron is going to be there every time I need something, I should come to you for."

"I'm not sure I can live like this. I love you so much I'm just not sure I have all of you." Slowly pulling herself from the embrace letting go of Catherine's arms Sara gently placed her thumb and forefinger under Catherine's chin tilting her head up till she was looking her straight in the eye.

"You have every part of me. You even have parts of me I never wanted you to see. I love you." She confessed earnestly. Sara's eyes flicked from Catherine's eyes to her lips and after a beat she lowered her head to meet Catherine's. Catherine read her intentions and moved her head from Sara's path. There was no way if she kissed her then that Catherine was going to get the answers she needed from Sara.

"Sar' I don't think you realise how much last night hurt me." Catherine told her solemnly. "It's not kiss and make up time. That's not going to happen as soon as you want. In fact I have no clue how we go from here. There are no more words on your part and I'm not sure I want to invest the next few months of my life on this to find out when the going gets tough, you shut down again. I need more than that and so does Lindsey."

"I would never hurt Linds"

"I know because as her Mom I'm not giving you that chance."

"Cath please," Sara pleaded softly, desperately.

"Cath please what? What words do you have left to make it ok?" Sara closed her eyes and sighed. This did not end here today she was going to make sure of that. Losing Catherine would hurt much more than opening up to her. Sara just had to find the right words no matter what Catherine said there were still words she could use as long as they were straight from the heart.

"You want me to open up you want to know all of me, I'm not sure I even know me sometimes, but I want you to know me. I want you to see through me and be as comfortable with me as you are with yourself. You say I'm scared but I'm not, Cath I'm petrified. Everyone I've ever known, ever loved had left me, hurt me or died. Everyone but Aaron. You say I need to open up and let you love me; I need to know you'll catch me when I fall. So we find ourselves at an in pass, we either both decide right her right now that it's not worth the risk that what we could have together would never be enough to risk getting hurt again."

"Or?" Catherine's voice was tiny and for a moment Sara wasn't sure she had even heard her.

"Or we both realise that we were made for each other, we both stop pretending or trying to hide the fact that nothing we have ever felt has been this strong before. Admit that we don't want to live without each other and trust that we will be there together next time." Taking a deep breath to steady her nerves Catherine looked up into Sara's eyes, tears streaming from her own as she cupped the brunettes cheek. "Hey those beautiful eyes should never cry because of me." Sara told her bringing her own hands up to mirror Catherine's hold on her. She gently wiped tears from her cheeks before gently kissing her nose.

"They're happy tears I promise." She smiled through her tears. "That was beautiful."

"Like I remember saying once I just speak the truth."

"Well truth is I love you and you're right it has never felt like this even Eddie never made me feel so in love or loved. I never wanted him with every fibre of my body, never burned for him never cared about him so much that I got distracted from other things wondering what he was doing if he was ok and I never lost concentration at work because he walked into a room and smiled."

"Wow you can charm a girl." Sara smiled playfully kissing Catherine's forehead. "So do we get a go at making this work?"

"Sure as hell we do, I love you and I have never wanted you as much as I do right now."

"So you're hot for me?" Sara asked dropping her tone, nudging Catherine's thighs apart pressing her own thigh between hers. Sara smiled at Catherine's deep groan, happy to be the one pleasing her. "You look so hot right now." Sara whispered in her ear, tracing the lobe with her tongue and gently biting down. Catherine let out a whimper and ground herself harder onto Sara's thigh.

"What? Desperate for you and riding your thigh like a crazy woman?"

"Yeah you have never looked more amazing." Sara told her before running her hands in her hair and pulling Catherine's face to her so she could kiss her. It started out as a press of lips that Sara deepened as she ran her hands down Catherine's body till they were resting on her ass, pulling Catherine tighter to her. She used her height advantage to rock into Catherine and pull her up on her thigh till Catherine's feet no longer touched the ground and she was straddling Sara's thigh. Catherine moaned into their kiss at the new feelings this position created in her. Sara took advantage of this and slipped her tongue past her lips. Catherine welcomed her greedily, teasing the muscle with her own, fighting for control of the kiss. As they parted for a much needed air, Catherine threw her head back trying to control her ragged breathing and Sara took the chance to taste the soft pale skin of her neck. Catherine groaned and ground her hips into Sara's thigh harder, as she felt Sara bite down on her pulse point and then gently sooth the area with sweat kisses.

"God Sar' if we don't stop now I'm going to lose it in a moment."

"Good I want to see that." Sara smirked loosening the tie on Catherine's joggers and running her hand under the material. They both moaned as Sara's handmade contacted with warm soft flesh. "God your skin feels more amazing then I could ever have imagined."

"Your hands feel better on me, than anything ever has." Catherine panted as Sara's hand dropped lower. Letting Catherine's feet touch the floor so Sara could slip her hand into Catherine's panties she cupped warm wet hair. She paused for a moment to appreciate where she was and exactly what she was doing. Taking her index finger she ran it slowly in Catherine's wet folds. Sara nearly cried Catherine felt so amazing, like velvet to the touch.

"God you're so wet." Sara groaned trying to stay upright.

"All for you baby, always for you."

"Good, you feel so good so soft, Cath you're amazing. I bet you taste amazing too." Sara told her pulling her fingers out. She pulled them up to her face. "God you smell fucking amazing too." She smiled pulling her index finger in to her mouth. "Umm." She half groaned half moaned leaning in to Catherine a little. "I love the way you taste, you taste like honey." Before Sara got the chance to repeat the process with her other fingers, Catherine guided Sara's fingers to her mouth. At that point Sara was sure she was going to come without Catherine laying a finger on her. Once Catherine had cleaned Sara last digit, she placed a kiss on Sara's palm before guiding her hand back into her pants and right where she needed it most.

"Please baby I need you." She hissed out as Sara circled her clit with a finger.

"What do you need baby?" Sara teased sucking on Catherine's ear lobe running her finger around Catherine's entrance but never dipping in.

"I need you…Oh god… need you so bad… Inside me please." Catherine moaned franticly rocking her hips trying to get more pressure.

"Only had to ask." Sara smiled slipping two fingers as far as she could slowly inside Catherine.

"Fuck yeah." Catherine groaned thrusting her hips to meet Sara's hand. Sara pulled out and thrust in faster with three fingers. Catherine was no longer able to hold her head up or keep her eyes open she rested her head on Sara's chest never once slowing the pace she had set. God Sara felt amazing, she was going to come hard and she knew it would be soon the feelings were growing inside her it felt like every part of her body was alive for the first time ever.

"Cath." Sara called to Catherine. Sara could feel her tensing up and she wanted to see her face as she came, there was no way on earth Sara was missing this show. "Baby." Sara cooed and Catherine finally managed to lift her head up. "That's it baby." She told her kissing her deep and hard. "God you're so wet, so tight." she whispered in her ear. "Come for me baby, let go I'll catch you." Never breaking the pace they had set, Sara ran her thumb over Catherine's clit back and forth when she got the reaction she wanted Catherine bucking harder on her hand and Sara increased the pressure, running her thumb round and round till she felt the mussels inside Catherine grip her fingers pulling her tighter.

"God, fuck yes … baby fuck I'm coming Sar' baby."

"I'm here, it's ok. Come for me baby."

"Fuck."

With one last flick, Catherine felt herself explode lights danced before her eyes and she was sure if Sara had not had her arms around her, she might have collapsed to the floor.

"Shit that was amazing." Sara panted, guiding them both to the floor, pulling Catherine into her lap. Sara groaned as Catherine rocked her hips against her, Sara's groan reminding her of her own need. A need that she was desperate to satisfied, that only one woman could satisfied because only one woman had ever own her heart completely and she could wait for that woman to satisfied and she satisfied her more too.

"That was meant to be my line." She told Sara kissing her. "Shit I'd ask where you where learnt to do that but I don't think I want to know but it has never felt that good."

"Never?" Sara asked sceptically. raising an eyebrow.

"Never baby and I've never felt this spent."

"I best carry you then."

"Where?"

"Well my butt is getting numb."

"What about you?" Catherine asked sending thrills through Sara as she ran her hand over the seem of Sara's jeans causing a delicious friction where Sara needed it most.

"I don't think I want to get down and dirty on your kitchen floor"

"My room."

"Sold." She told Catherine kissing the top of her head. "Cath," she called her name gently as she helped her to her feet.

"Yeah."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet. I haven't shown you my skills yet." Catherine smirk, but her eyes let Sara know that she knew exactly why she was being thank and it had nothing to do with sexually skills.

* * *

**So what did you think my first time ever writing a girl on girl sex scene so i hope you enjoyed love to know what you thought. **

**Thanks for reading =)  
**


	29. Snuggler

Pulling the covers back slightly to reveal the creamy flesh of the body next to her Sara ghosted her fingers over Catherine's thigh being so careful not to wake her. Sara had only ever dreamed of a moment like this. Watching Catherine sleep so contented after they had made love. The light breeze filtered in through an open widow and toyed with Catherine's hair. Sara moved the rest of the hair to one side kissing the nose that was revealed. She was amazed by the beauty by her side, she had seen Catherine in a number of situations during work but never had Catherine taken her breath away like she did right then, with the sunlight highlighting her hair and casting a golden glow over already lush skin.

'_And who'd have guessed.'_ She smiled to her self _'the great Catherine Willow's a snuggler.'_ Not that you would ever find Sara complaining not as long as she was always the one Catherine was snuggling. She had to laugh six months ago she couldn't even admit to being in love with Catherine not out loud any way and her he was in her be wishing they could stay together forever.

Catherine stirred a little snuggling a little closer to Sara mumbling and holding on as long as she could to the remnants of sleep. It was beautiful to see the amazing Catherine Willows waking up grouchy.

Sara couldn't believe that she had nearly thrown this chance away she really did have no one else but her self to blame for the way she had treated Catherine after the stabbing. It should never have mattered what some homeless guy had had to say. The only thing that mattered was Catherine was there by her side and was with out a doubt one of the most amazing women she had ever known. Any thing that she had done had made Catherine the person she was and that meant Sara would change none of it. It would take Sara a while longer to shake the look in that guy's eyes though, there had been a real lust there that Sara wasn't sure she wanted to see in another person's eyes when they were directed at Catherine.

Turning on to her side Catherine threw her arm around Sara's waist pulling her self closer hiding her head in Sara's neck.

"It's Amazing to wake up with you here next to me." She told Sara pulling tighter running her fingers over Sara's stomach drawing random patterns around her belly button.

"I could get used to watching you wake up holding you in my arms."

"Let's get used to it then. In fact I've decided that we're going to be ok no need to worry."

Sara had to smile. "Just decided that all on your own."

"Yep." Catherine looked up at Sara rather pleased with her self.

"Well." Sara winked. "I might need to talk to my girlfriend about that."

"Really." Catherine rolled on to her back smiling. Sara rolled after her missing the feel of Catherine's body pressed to hers.

"Yeah." Sara purred leaning in to kiss the skin on Catherine's neck dipping her tong in to the hollow of Catherine's throat.

"So what's your girlfriend like." Catherine asked running her fingers in to Sara's hair holding her head in place.

"She's very complex."

"Complex in a good way." Catherine was finding talking difficult with Sara's tong doing such good things to her neck.

"Oh yeah. She a puzzle wrapped in a mystery shrouded in a enigma and I get to spend the rest of my life working her out."

"The rest of your life." Catherine asked pulling Sara's head up to look in her eye's

"If she'll have me."

"She will."

"That's settled then."

They lay in silence for a moment both lost in thoughts of each other.

"You were in your own little world when I woke up." Catherine commented after a moment.

"Yeah well I was thinking about you so that's ok." Sara smiled.

Catherine wasn't convinced by Sara's answer though. She had spent a while, whether she liked it or not, learning Sara's natural reactions and what was more of an automated response. Catherine was sure that Sara was keeping something back still and there would be no moving forward till it was all out in the open. There were ways to get Sara to talk and they normally meant taking time to coax information out of her. Catherine thought didn't have time for that today there was no more time to wait it was now or forever hold your piece and she knew they crumble in no time if Sara was brooding over something. Not that it was a something Catherine was sure that what ever was playing at the back of Sara's mind was a lot to do with what ever the man who had stabbed Sara had said. Sara had never even mentioned what was said and Catherine knew that it needed to be dealt with because what ever it was had upset Sara.

"What did he say to you?" Catherine asked pulling away there hadn't seemed a right moment to ask but no seemed a good a time as any.

"Who?" Sara asked suddenly confused.

"The man who did that." Catherine told her placing her hand on the bandage that covered the spot on Sara's arm where she had been stabbed.

"It was nothing Cath really nothing I was just over reacting to being a situation where I felt threatened." Sara told her moving up the bed so she could sit up with her back against the head board.

"I don't buy it Sara he said something and even if it was only for a moment it changed the way you looked at me."

"It didn't." Sara was adamant, and then shook her head she walked right in to that one.

"So he did say something then." Catherine stated straddling Sara's lap so she could look into the younger woman's eyes.

"It doesn't matter it was nothing ok."

"Tell me Sara if he said something that upset you I want to know because I can't think of anything a homeless bum might have to say to you."

"Nothing."

"Fine go home then, because if you still can't be honest with me if all your going to do is tell me what you think I need to hear then I don't want you here!"

Catherine wasn't sure where that had come from she was sure that the last thing she wanted was for Sara to leave this bed let alone the house. She was frustrated though because for what ever reason good bad or knowing Sara totally misguided Sara was keeping this from her.

Sara's head snapped up at Catherine's passionate response. Looking in to Catherine's eyes Sara knew the older woman wasn't messing around she wanted to hear this or there was going to be no way forward.

"He said he remembered you from your dancing days said you were a big old coke head who turned tricks to pay of yours and Eddies tabs."

Catherine stared blankly at Sara for a moment. Of all the things she had expected Sara to say she had to admit that was one of the last ones. The dancing everyone knew about she was sure of that by now it was something she never hid from anyone she wasn't ashamed she had been good at it and it had provided an income when there was no other way. The coke days though were something she was not so proud of and something she would much rather forget. It had been Eddies other gift to her one that changed her life almost as much as Lindsey but was less welcome.

"I was never on the game."

Catherine found her self saying not knowing where to start she never wanted Sara to think that she was some cheap two bit whore. She realised though that she had just admitted to having a coke habit. Not just to anyone though to Sara was this the moment that all her dreams for a future with Sara went up in flames was this the moment Sara said thanks but no thanks. Catherine shut her eyes and waited for Sara's response.

With her eyes shut Catherine never saw the smile spread across Sara's face she only felt arms snake around her and pull her close.

"Well thank you for clearing that up for me but none of that matters really no to me any way." Sara pulled Catherine tighter kissing her hair. "What ever you once did to make it through the day doesn't bother me. Ok I have to say I was worried about talking to you about it but only because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

Pulling her self out of Sara's arms and looking directly in to Sara's eyes Catherine spoke.

"I tell you I used to be a coke addict and you say so what how dose that work. Look I'm not knocking it but Sara it's a big deal."

"It's behind you like all the things I wish I had never done but are all things that made us the people we are and made us fall in love with each other. They were world ending let alone changing at the time Cath but we lived, you lived and now here you are in my arms and I love who you are Catherine Willows with every little decision that brought you here."

"You don't mind."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Sara smiled rather contently with her self till her stomach rumbled spoiling the effect.

"Wow someone's hungry." Catherine smiled as Sara looked sheepishly up as her through her lashes. Catherine was glad of the change of subject if Sara was happy to leave it all in the past then so was she.

"Yeah spouse I better get going if I'm going to get something to eat and have a shower before work and since you have to be in before me you have even less time."

"You don't have to leave."

Catherine really hoped she didn't sound as desperate to Sara as she had done to her own ears. Truth was she was desperate though she had just gotten Sara to open up to her and they were exactly where she wanted them to be she really didn't want Sara to have to go.

"I should." Sara said looking for her watch to check the time. "Lind's will be home soon and she's going to wonder what the hell I'm doing here."

"Well you could say you were her to see me it wouldn't be a lie."

"No but it wouldn't be the truth though would it Cath and I'm not happy with being anything less with 100% honest with her."

"So what are you going to do?" Catherine asked moving out of Sara's reach and sitting up. "Sneak around like a criminal till we tell her."

"I don't want to fight about this Cath." Sara told her slipping from the bed trying to locate her pants.

"Why not." Catherine asked trying hard but failing to not watch Sara's unclothed body move gracefully round the room. "We fight about everything else."

"Cath!"

"What tell me we don't?"

"We did."

Sara pointed out fishing her shirt out from under Catherine's bed and pulling on over her bare shoulders. Catherine lost her train of though as she watched Sara move the younger woman seemed to have a natural poise that belied her tall frame. Noticing Catherine's distraction and using it to her advantage Sara let her shirt undone and adding just a little sway to her steps she made her way round the bed to Catherine.

"Not any more though Cath well still fight and I'm sure I'll still drive you mad but not over every little thing." Sara told her pulling Catherine's naked body in to her arms. Sara bit back a moan as Catherine's breasts crushed on to her chest. "I'm leaving to get back at you for not wanting to tell Lind's yet but we have to go to work and I have yesterday's cloths on."

"I." Catherine paused for a moment in an attempt to gather her thoughts. Why did the though of Sara leaving scare her so much. Catherine could never remember being this clingy in any if her previous relationships. It was a side of her self she wasn't sure she liked but there it was none the less, she was sure brought out by the fact that she loved Sara in ways she could never even begin to explain. Taking a calming breath Catherine tried to but some of her thoughts in to words.

"It just seems like we have had so many false starts. I mean we finally get it together and then my parent's try to put a spanner in the works and Nick gets kid napped. Then you get stabbed and we nearly fall apart. I just guess I'm scared."

"Scared of me?"

"No not of you never." Catherine was quick to reassure. "Of you leaving and the spell being broken and us not being the same."

"I get that." Sara told her gently pulling her in to her arms. "I really do Cath but you have to trust me trust in us."

"I want to but what happened after you got stabbed plays in my mind Sara you were so shut of it scared me."

"I know and all I can do is keep telling you I'm sorry and it will never happen again if I can help it. You have to trust me though trust that I meant what I said and trust that you'll be the one I turn to next time if you can't then were a bit buggered."

"I can and I do." Catherine sighed. "And your right it makes more sense for you to go home no one wants to see a CSI in crumpled cloths."

"So were ok."

"Were better than ok baby. Now get out of here before I jump you."

**%%**

"Can I come in." Sara asked as she lightly tapped on the open door to Catherine's office.

"You most certainly can." Catherine smiled looking up from the paper work she was trying to work her way through. "Slow evening."

"Yeah a little and I wanted to bring you this." Sara smiled shyly placing a cup of coffee on Catherine's desk."

"Close the door." Catherine husked out looking from the cup to Sara.

A little confused Sara obeyed closing the door. She had just enough time to turn before Catherine's lips were on her own and she was pushed back in to the now closed door. Catherine's lips attacked hers hungrily, demanding. Sara groaned and Catherine slipped her tong in sending Sara weak at the knees. When the need for air became too much to fight Catherine pulled away pressing her forehead to Sara's

"I'll bring you coffee more often." Sara smiled once she had her ragged breathing under control.

"Yeah you should." Catherine smiled brushing some of Sara's hair out of her eyes.

"I have to say I never though you would kiss me like that not while we were at work anyway."

"Why not the doors shut and we're not hurting anyone. Look I know I was the one who wanted to keep this quite while we are at work and I still think that it's the right thing to do. I mean we need to find out where we stand with all this before the guys all have there say. It doesn't mean that it's going to be easy for me. I want to touch you and I want to kiss you. It may not have been days since we were together at my house but I messed you."

"I missed you too." Sara smiled kissing Catherine's nose. "Why do you think I brought you coffee? Well ok so there was just an ulterior motive but nothing bad."

"Ulterior motive hey." Catherine smirked.

"Not that though right now your desk is looking too good to turn down." Sara pointed out letting her hands wander under Catherine's blouse drawing a gasp from the older woman.

"Behave." Catherine chastised lightly pulling Sara's hands out holding them in her own. "Maybe we should sit down with that big old desk between us."

"I don't know what you expect when you kiss me like that." Sara grumbled light-heartedly.

"I wanted to talk to you too." Catherine told Sara as they took seats opposite each other. "But you can go first since you brought me coffee."

"Why thank you." Sara smiled. "You know this would have saved some real nasty arguments if we had just sat down years ago."

"Yeah I think the mind blowing sex really sold this for me."

"Mind blowing." Sara smirked rather self satisfied.

"Oh please don't let it go to your head all it means is you have a lot to live up to now."

"Well you know me Cath I'm nothing if not a perfectionist."

"God I want you so badly right now. So you need to change the subject."

"So." Sara grinned. "I came to talk to you about me changing shifts."

"Changing shifts why?"

"Well I though that would be obvious. I want to work swing so were working the same times."

"You can't." Catherine was quick to point out. It would be pointless if Sara transferred to days since Grissum had asked for his team back and Ecklie had agreed. Grissum was going to be announcing it to the teams soon but till then Catherine wasn't meant to tell any one. She didn't see Sara as just anyone though she knew if there relationship was going to work they needed to keep there love life and work lives separate where ever possible.

"Ok I thought it would be nice."

"And it would be." Catherine wanted to try and smooth things over she realised that her answer had been a little blunt. "It would be amazing to work the same hours. But I don't think it's for the best right now. For one thing I think we should hang on and see what happens things here are always changing. Plus right now we aren't breaking any rules I'm not your boss we work different shifts if something happens to change that that's not out doing that's one thing but I don't want us to go out looking for trouble."

"You know something I don't." Sara realised.

"There's no getting anything past you is there." Catherine smiled.

"No so spill."

"I can't."

"Whoa that sounds wired coming from you."

"Yeah it's normally your line and I don't like saying but you'll find out soon enough."

"Ok I trust you. So since you shot me down in flames what did you want to talk about."

"I did not shoot you down in flames."

"If you say so, come on what did you want to talk about."

"Lindsey."

"Oh she's ok right, god she's not in trouble is she."

"No she'd fine she hasn't done anything and thanks to you she had an amazing parent teacher conference a couple of weeks back."

"Thanks to me."

"Yeah I have never said this to you but I could never thank you enough for the way you have guided Lindsey not only in her school work but just in life. I know sometimes no one wants to listen to mom and it is so amazing she has you."

"She'll always have me no matter what happens."

"Yeah and that's what I've been thinking and what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Ok."

"Well today when you wanted to leave partly because Lind's would be home got me thinking. So ok I was a little upset at first and I did think that it was your way of saying, 'tell her and I'll stay.'"

"I'd never do that." Sara interrupted.

"I know and I'm sorry that I thought that. Lindsey and I were having a snack before I took her to Nancy's and she was just for a change talking about you."

"Me?"

"Yeah she was talking about your last Saturday together she was going on and on about all the things you two had done and I couldn't stop thinking about the relationship you two have."

"We're close I thought you were ok with that."

"Oh I am and I think it's one of the things I love about you most the way you love my daughter. It just reminded me that as much as I want to protect my little girl from the world she's growing up and it's not just my relationship with Lindsey I have to think about. I never want to think that I had anything to do with you keeping things from Lindsey because I know you don't do that and she would be hurt to think you do now."

"Cath what are you saying?"

"I want us to talk to Lind's about our relationship."

"You do that's brilliant." Sara beamed.

"I thought you might like that."

"I do I like that very much."

**%%**

"This is just weird." Lindsey told the two women sitting opposite her.

"Why?" Catherine asked.

"Well I know your trying this whole not fighting so much thing even so your never this relax with each other and I'm pretty sure this is the first time that Sara has had breakfast with us."

"We have breakfast all the time with Nance." Catherine told her.

"Ok not at home though Sara is never here when you are?" Lindsey pointed out.

"Well we needed to talk to you." Sara interrupted them when they got going Sara though they were worse than She and Catherine had ever been.

"Ok I'm all ears, though I'm pretty sure I've done nothing wrong."

"No in fact your mom says we should be pretty proud of you at the moment."

"And you want to say well done by taking me to Disneyland."

"No." Catherine laughed at her daughters humour.

"What then." Lindsey pretended to pout.

"We wanted to talk to you about why you mom and I are trying not to fight so much."

"Because it was getting really tedious." Lindsey suggested.

"Well yes actually we thought that but we also tried to think of better ways to express our feelings."

"And." Catherine took over. "We decided that there was a reason we fought so much and we've tackled it head on."

"I love you mom Lind's and she loves me back."

"We want you to be ok with this were taking it slow right now getting to know each other better."

"But we want you to be a part of that Lind's I love you too and I never want you to think that because I love you mom I'll have any less time for you."

"So what do you think baby." Catherine asked her daughter.

"This is sooooooo Cool. Lindsey beamed. "I love you Sar' and now you're a part of my family. I always new you two would work something thing out but this is so much cooler than anything I thought up." Lindsey announced rounding the table and pouncing on the two woman. "I love you both so much, never ever brake up."

"No pressure there then." Sara laughed.

"You really don't mind me dating a woman." Catherine had to ask.

"Mom you have always told me that it's not about being a girl or a boy it's about the way you feel about a person and how they make you feel. So dose Sara make you feel good."

"Better than I have ever felt." Catherine confirmed making Sara blush.

"Then I really don't care."

* * *

**Thank you for reading =)**

**reviews would be amazing thank you.  
**


	30. Family Day

**Just want to thank those of you who continue to read and enjoy this story thanks for sticking with me.

* * *

**

"She took that better than I thought." Sara admitted sliding closer to Catherine on the settee, slipping her arm around her and pulling the older woman close. They both watched as Lindsey climbed the stairs and headed to her room.

"What were you expecting?" Catherine asked laying her head on Sara's shoulder, enjoying the feeling of Sara holding her without the fear of Lindsey busting them.

"Well coming from your daughter, anything," Sara teased a little. "I mean you know how to cause a scene."

"Hey." Catherine laughed a sound Sara decided she would never tire of hearing. Catherine's laughter was magical and she vowed to make it a daily occurrence. Catherine sat up pushing Sara gently till she was lying on her back on the settee so she could straddle her hips. "You trying to say I'm hard to live with?"

"No but you're becoming hard to live without." Sara pointed out gripping Catherine's hips inhaling deeply at the feeling of Catherine sitting on her.

Diving forward Catherine attacked Sara's lips with a hunger that neither had felt before. Sara was going to have to stop saying things like that or Catherine felt she would have to be jumping the younger woman at regular intervals.

"What was that for?" Sara panted after a moment of trying to get her breathing under control. "Not that I mind." Sara pointed out, idly running fingers through Catherine's hair where it lay on her chest.

"You say the most amazing things and I know you'll say you're just stating the truth like that's something to hide behind. But Sara Sidle you make me feels so amazing sometimes."

"Good that's the plan. If it takes the rest of my life I'm going to make you feel the same way you make me feel just by being here with me."

"God," Catherine groaned in to Sara's chest.

"What?" Sara laughed.

"I really want to take you to bed right now. Or even right here."

"Well your daughter is upstairs."

"I know but I can still think about it."

"Well I think we better get out of here before you self-combust." Sara joked.

"What did you have in mind?" Catherine asked, sitting up a little to look down at Sara.

"Let's get Lind's and get out of here, go to the beach, or to the park or to the mall for all I care. I just want to be out with my family." Sara frowned at the look on Catherine's face. "Ok what did I say?"

"We're your family."

"Sorry was that a bit presumptuous?"

"No I just didn't know if you'd think of us that way."

"Well I do….I have for a while really. Being here, being around you and Lind's it's the only place that has really felt like home for a while. This is going to sound really soppy but it felt like I was leaving my heart here when I left you last time."

"You were in a way leaving it here with me and I promise Sar' I'll always look after it. I know it's going to be hard, it has been and it will be again but we're going to face whatever comes next together." Catherine reassured Sara pressing a gentle kiss on Sara's lips.

"God," Came the over exaggerated grown from behind them. "Am I going to have to start wearing a bell?"

"Lind's!" Catherine scolded gently but Sara smiled.

"It's ok Cath." Sara said sitting up forcing Catherine to relinquish her spot and sit on the settee. "Must be weird to walk in on your mom kissing anyone?" Sara stated patting the seat next to her. "Must seem really weird to see me and your mom kissing?"

"Just kissing is gross." Lindsey shrugged leaning back on the settee and reaching for the remote control.

"Don't you dare turn that goggle box on; Sara wants to take us out for the day."

"Really? Cool. Where are we going?" Lindsey asked sitting down between her Mom and Sara. She was pretty sure that there was no way they could end up kissing if she was sitting right there.

"Well I think that you and your Mom should decide that." Sara beamed at the two women in her life. "If it's to be our special day I think you two should choose."

"I don't know, Mom what do you think?"

"Well we could drive up to Lake Mead, find a nice quite spot, have a picnic and maybe go in the water."

"Cool, so we'll do that, what do you think Sara?"

"I think it will be amazing. So why don't you go pack some stuff. Your Mom and I will pack up the car."

**%%**

"What?" Sara asked after Catherine had been looking at her for what felt like forever.

"Nothing, I can look at you, can't I." Catherine's voice was light with laughter as she sneaked her arms around Sara from behind.

"Yeah but I was starting to get paranoid." Sara joke relaxing back into Catherine's embrace.

"Sorry, it's just a little hard to believe that we are here, spending the day together on the beach with Lindsey."

Catherine sighed contentedly as the scent of Sara penetrated her senses. Catherine was pretty sure that the world could stop turning right in that second and she would be ok because there was nothing more in her world in that moment but the feel of Sara in her arms. She never knew it could feel so amazing to just hold some one.

"I never dreamed I'd get the chance to do this, not with you and Lind's. Doing things most couples take for granted."

"Well I for one will never take have you here for granted."

"Never," Sara echoed Catherine words as she turned to the older woman's embrace pulling her close.

"I never have been this far out before." Catherine commented after a moment of silence.

"I like it out here; it's away from the hustle. No one really bothers to come this far out." Sara commented looking around them at the deserted cove.

They had hired a boat for the day and Sara had insisted that she knew the perfect place for the three of them to have a private picnic.

"Come lay with me?" Catherine asked taking a step away from Sara holding her hand out.

"My pleasure," Sara smiled taking Catherine's hand, allowing herself to be pulled down to the warm soft beach towel they had spread out on the sand. "You look amazing in that bikini." Sara purred seductively leaning down to place a chaste kiss on Catherine's stomach.

"You aren't watching." Lindsey complained from the water, taking the two women's attention away from each other.

"I am." Sara assured the young girl, sitting up next to Catherine so her feet were next to the older woman's head.

"Cool." Lindsey beamed before diving out of sight.

"She has you wrapped around her little finger," Catherine smiled. She liked her vantage point, it meant she got to look at Sara and see the love in her eyes as the brunette regarded Lindsey.

"No, she knows her limits with me."

"She must still be testing hers with me."

"You're her Mom; she'll always be testing them." Sara commented laying her hand on Catherine's exposed stomach tracing random patens.

"Stop." Catherine held Sara's hand in both of her own after a little while. She could take it no longer Sara's touches were setting her on fire and she was getting to the point where if Sara didn't stop soon there was going to be no going back.

"What?" Sara asked innocently, smiling down at her.

"You know exactly what you're doing." Catherine pouted.

"What am I doing Catherine, am I turning you on?"

"God yes!"

"Are you wet?" Sara asked, dropping her voice a little, finding a confidence she really never knew she had.

"Yes." Catherine panted, the tone of Sara's voice hitting her inside. "No good though, Lind's is here." Catherine tried to reason.

"Oh I don't know she seems occupied. Now shh… I want to see how wet you are."

With no further warning Sara ran her hand down over Catherine's stomach and into her ocean blue bikini bottoms.

"Mmmm ," Sara sighed when her fingers found Catherine's hot wet flesh. "Very wet indeed." Sara smiled loving the affect she could have over the normally in control blond. "God I want to taste you." Sara inhaled taking in Catherine's pungent aroma.

"Sara." Catherine tried her best to sound threatening but she was sure she had failed dismally. Truth is told she wanted, no needed Sara to carry on. The little voice of reason that kept telling her that her daughter might see was getting smaller and smaller.

"Yes." Sara smirked pulling her fingers, and putting them in her mouth and sucking on them. "That will have to do…For now." Sara sighed, stroking Catherine's thigh.

Catherine was caught somewhere between relief and disbelief that Sara had seemed to just stop like that. Sara though it seemed had other ideas.

"If I can't taste you right now I settle for this." Sara told her thrusting three fingers into the blonds willing body.

"God yes." Catherine groaned suddenly not caring who might see or hear. Catherine screwed her eyes shut as her head lolled back. Sara seemed to know every part of her intimately and that left Catherine breathless.

Keeping the pace she had set Sara stroked her fingers deftly in and out of Catherine bringing her lover closer and closer to release with every move. Sara had never felt this amazing, just the thought of what she was doing to Catherine was empowering. Never had she been in a relationship where just touching someone else had felt like this. The little pang in the back of her mind that she and Star had never gotten to feel this in their relationship was nowhere near the stinging pain Sara was used to and she smiled to herself, she knew Star would be happy, wherever she was to know Sara was finally moving on.

"Are you still watching me?" Lindsey's voice stole Sara's thoughts and she turned her head to the younger blond never once slowing her other hand. Glancing at Catherine she realized that she was obvious to what was going on outside her little word.

"Yeah Lind's baby, I'll always be right here watching over you." Sara assured trying to keep her voice even; the last thing she wanted was for Lindsey to get out of the water to see what was wrong.

"Is Mom watching?" Lindsey wanting to know and Sara realized that Lindsey's view of her Mom was fully obscured from where she was, thankfully.

"Mom's a little sleepy but she'll watch soon."

"Ok."

In the weirdest moment of clarity Catherine had ever had, it was Sara's interaction that tipped her over the edge and into the abyss. It was the realization that she was no longer alone, never, no matter what. She had someone there to fall back on, someone who would pick up the slack when she felt she couldn't. No matter what Catherine was doing, what she was going through, Lindsey was safe, loved and cared for, giving Catherine the freedom to let go. Those thoughts and her breath were stolen from her as the most amazing feeling she had ever felt exploded inside her. Lights danced before her eyes as ever nerve ending she had hummed into life.

The intensity of the whole thing left her panting for breath as she tried to get her bearings. Sara was there though, all around her, holding her tight, telling she was beautiful and she loved her, soothing her as she returned to the real world.

Sara really had never seen anything as amazing as watching Catherine cum. The play of emotions on her face and the knowledge that she herself was the cause of it was amazing for Sara.

"I love you baby." She whispered into strawberry blonde's locks.

Wrapping her arms around the younger woman, Catherine pulled her closer, kissing the top of her head.

"Thank you."

"Hey never thank me." Sara told her pushing away a little and leaning up on her elbow so she could look down at Catherine. Taking a moment to tuck some hair behind Catherine's ear and caress her cheek, Sara finally spoke. "I do it because I want to and I'm finally free to do it."

"Well I'm always going to thank you because before you nothing ever felt this good."

"God I want to take you again right now." Sara groaned and Catherine felt herself flood with desire at the look in Sara's eyes.

"Maybe we should join Lindsey and both cool off a little." Catherine smiled.

"Yeah," Sara agreed regretfully, holding out her hand.

**%%**

"I didn't push you too far today, did I?" Sara asked Catherine pulling one of her hands into her own bringing it up to her mouth and kissing the soft skin inside of Catherine's wrist.

Lindsay took this as her cue to leave the car before she heard something she didn't want or really need to see; telling the other occupants of the car that she would wait for them inside.

"No, baby never." Catherine tried to reassure Sara, seeing the concern in her eyes, "I've never once felt that if I had said no you would have carried on."

"I never would Cath you're safe with me I promise."

"I know baby and I enjoyed it. You may not believe this considering what I used to do for a living but I'm not much of an exhibitionist. I never made love on the beach."

"Me neither before today that is, never really got the chance."

Sara snorted to herself at the thought of asking a major apocalypse to wait so she and Star could try out sex on the beach.

"You grew up on the coast though and had more chances than me." Catherine pointed out watching Sara's profile closely. She knew that Sara hated to talk about herself she would be able to tell if she had pushed to far too soon.

"Yeah I did but Star and I were just hitting the rampant rabbit stage when she died."

Sara gave a sad smile squeezing Catherine's had gently. Talking about Star was something she was going to have to get used to. She knew she couldn't keep it all bottled up in her past, not if she wanted a future for her and Catherine.

"You were 18, right?" Catherine asked heart pounding, she couldn't believe Sara was freely offering information about her past.

"Yeah and we had only lost our virginity to each other a couple of months before."

"Oh."

"Hey it's ok." Sara was quick to reassure. "It's taken a long time but I'm squaring what happened with myself and she would be happy for me, for us. She'd like you, like what you make me be."

"What's that then?" Catherine wondered.

"A good person," Sara stated simply."

"You are a good person Sar' the best I know." Catherine told her leaning over the central console to steal a kiss.

"Right, you should get in there before Lind's takes your absence as a signal she can raid the fridge."

"What about you?" Catherine asked not letting go of Sara's hand she had taken it for granted that Sara would come home with them. She suddenly felt a little crushed at the thought that Sara wanted to leave.

"Well I was going to go home."

Sara saw the look of disappointment cross Catherine's face and mentally slapped herself she had just assumed that Catherine would have had enough of her company by now.

"You don't want to come in?"

"I just thought you'd want to spend some time with Lindsey or do a million and one other things that your probably have to do that don't need me hanging round."

"I want you near me all the time Sar. I never want you to leave but I know there will be times you have to, right now isn't one of them."

"Well then let's got out of this car then, shall we."

**%%**

"Next time a career criminal refuse to talk in an interrogation, I think I've found the way to get him to crack." Sara smiled placing the last dish into the dish washer.

"Yeah?" Catherine smiled watching Sara move so freely around her home. It gave her butterflies like she had never felt before. They made her giddy, leaving her feeling like a teen just discovering her first love.

"Play a Disney original Movie and he'll tell us anything we want to know just to make it stop."

Laughter erupted from Catherine as she helped Sara to her feet pulling her into her arms and laughing louder as Sara twirled them both round a little.

"You didn't like Cheetah Girls the movie then?" Catherine asked after a moment when her laughter had died down.

"Not really." Sara admitted kissing the top of Catherine head where it now lay on her chest. "All that sing and false cheer was too much to take after about ten minutes."

Pulling away from Sara a little and taking the younger woman's hand leading her to the lounge, pulling them both onto the settee, settling on Sara's lap, she set about finding out a little more about her lover.

"So what movies are more to your liking?" Catherine wondered. Tracing the line on Sara's jaw with the tip of her finger, Sara closed her eyes for a moment savoring the touch.

"I like a good horror movie."

"Horror movies?" Catherine asked incredulously. "With everything we see, you like to watch horror movies."

"Yeah I always have even when I was younger." Sara shrugged a little.

"So what is your all times favorite horror movie?" Catherine asked loving the closeness and the fact that she was finding so much out about Sara.

"Well I've seen so many but if I have to pick I'd say Halloween."

"Not all those silly movies."

Sara sat up making Catherine move so she could look at her.

"Never call Halloween silly." Sara demanded with mock sternness. "So ok 3-6 and resurrection were pretty awful but the others, never knock them."

"Wow you take it really seriously, don't you?"

"Yeah I have to say I love those movies. Michael Myers is the ultimate Horror bad guy."

"So what about you Willow's, like any horror movies?"

"Well I've seen a few with Lind's."

"Wait, just wait a moment, are you telling me that you let Lind's watch horror movies and I had to sit through that?!" Sara asked pouncing on Catherine, pinning her to the couch and tickling her. The sight before her made Sara stop in her tracks, Catherine spread beneath her, hair ruffled, cheeks flushed and panting. She was sure that god had lent her an angel. "You're so beautiful." Sara told her.

"I feel it when you look at me like that." Catherine told her cupping her cheek.

Leaning down in what almost seemed like slow motion Sara brought her lips to Catherine's in a gentle kiss, full of love and promise of many things to come. Snuggling in to Catherine's body, Sara made herself comfortable.

"Anyway if we had watched a horror movie I would have got very scared."

"Well I would have protected you."

"All night?" Catherine asked lowering the tone of her voice.

"All night," Sara told her turning her head a little so she could nuzzle Catherine's neck.

"Mmmm," Catherine hummed leaning her head back a little giving Sara better access to her sensitive skin.

Accepting the invitation greedily Sara trailed her lips along Catherine's neck paying special attention to her pulse point. Nibbling on the flesh gently Sara was thrilled with the deep groan Catherine emitted. Rolling over so that Catherine was pinned securely between herself and the couch Sara held herself up with her arms looking down on Catherine.

Catherine was sure she had never seen so much life and hope in the brown pools gazing down at her. Catherine bit her bottom lip in wonder and saw the look in Sara's eyes quickly morph into something more carnal. A look of pure lust flashed through the younger woman's eyes sending a pool of liquid heat to Catherine's core.

Tangling her fingers in to Sara soft locks Catherine crashed their lips together in a hungry kiss. Panting heavily, resting their foreheads against each other for moment, letting their breaths mingle, both knew that no matter what happened, what they felt here and now would never be surpassed.

* * *

**Thanks for reading =)**

**Reviews would be amazing.**


	31. Dance with me

"What is that?" Sara groaned into her pillow as a god awful noise interrupted her sleep.

"That would be my alarm." Catherine smiled down at the adorable pout on her girlfriend's face before rolling over to shut off the alarm.

"Well shut it off and come back and keep me warm." Sara pouted a little more at the loss of heat.

"It's going off for a reason Sar." Catherine pointed out patiently. Who would have guessed Sara could ever wake up so grumpy? She did though feel everything the brunette was feeling because she too hadn't gotten her complete rest, she would be a right grouch till she had had at least two coffees.

"What do you mean? It has another purpose other than to annoy me." Sara grumbled not opening her eyes.

"I like the mornings that you wake up first." Catherine told her girlfriend. "Grumpy Sara is cute but she is a pain." Catherine pointed out kissing her nose. "Now come on Linds will be home from school soon so move it."

"Well I work odd hours, that's a good reason for me being grumpy when I wake up."

Catherine couldn't hold her laughter in any longer grumpy Sara really was just too cute. Catherine really just wanted to bend down and bit the pouty bottom lip.

"Sar," Catherine smiled, her laughter playing in her voice. "I left work with you, remember, so I've slept no more than you."

"Ah so you're regretting stopping late to see me."

"Sara shut up and get up."

"What's my incentive?"

"Well I was going to have a shower." Catherine smiled over her shoulder.

**%%**

"Well this is the best incentive ever." Sara declared wrapping her arms tighter round Catherine from behind. The warm water of the shower ran over their naked forms and Sara marveled at just how well their bodies fitted together. Placing a kiss on Catherine's shoulder she savored the moment.

"Well I said I was having a shower." Catherine pointed out.

"We are saving water; never know when there might be a drought." Sara ran her hands over Catherine's stomach and down over her hips just to point out the other benefits of cohabiting in the shower.

"You have amazing hands." Catherine told Sara placing her hands over her lovers.

"Shall I show you what they can really do?" Sara teased gently running her finger tips over the sensitive flesh on the inside of Catherine thighs.

"Sar'"

"Yeah?"

"Are we just a couple of sex crazed women who are going to fizzle out once the novelty wears off?"

Sara wheeled Catherine around so fast that she thought she might fall over as the bathroom span a little. Looking up into Sara's eyes, she knew in an instant that her words had been meaningless.

"Cath I love you. Making love to you is amazing and I can't ever get enough of you but that's not why I'm here. I pray to god it's not why you're here. We could have sex with anyone; I only feel alive and truly connected when I'm making love to you, the woman I love. I love being here. I love hanging out with Linds, going shopping, cleaning out the car and all the other mind-numbing everyday stuff that we have done in the month we've been together."

"Five weeks."

"Sorry?"

""We've been together for five weeks."

"You know the days and seconds."

"Why, you want to know?"

"You do know, don't you?"

"No I just know its five weeks."

"An?"

"And… Three days." Catherine smiled wrapping her arms around Sara and pulling herself tighter to the younger woman's wet naked body. "Oh and Sar' I'm here because I love you more than I ever dreamed I could. I just get scared sometimes that …"

"This is too good to be true and it will end?" When Catherine just nodded, Sara continued. "I know and I have to pinch myself sometimes too but Cath we deserve this and I'm not planning on going anywhere."

"Enough talk now." Catherine pulled away from, "Sara I need a practical demonstration."

"Practical demonstration," Sara hummed latching her lips onto the slick wet warm skin of Catherine's neck.

"Yeah, but you first this time," Catherine insisted pushing Sara back a little so she had the younger woman pressed against the opposite wall in the stall.

Sara whimpered as her back came in contact with the cold tiles of the wall, a whimper followed by a moan of pure pleasure as Catherine's lips trailed its way down her throat to the valley between her breasts.

"God." Sara groaned as Catherine turned her head from side to side kissing the inside of each breast.

"Please." Catherine laughed. "Use my other name."

"Someone's full of themselves."

"Give me a while and you'll be full of me too." Catherine winked and Sara gasped at the intention behind the words.

Running her tongue over Sara's right breast, Catherine reveled in the feel of Sara's taunt bud, tightens even more in her mouth. Making sure that Sara's other breast wasn't feeling left out Catherine ran her hands over Sara's left breast pulling gently on her sensitive flesh.

"You make me feel so good." Sara panted, screwing her eyes shut and trying to control her breathing. Last thing she wanted was to cum right there and then, she wanted this to last.

"That's the plan baby. Just enjoy."

"Oh I am." Sara panted almost losing her footing when Catherine bit down on her nipple before soothing it with kisses.

Catherine kissed slowly down Sara's stomach following the patterns the water made as it cascaded down her lovers body paying special attention to her naval letting her tongue play a little dipping in and out erotically.

"God that looks so hot." Sara breathing heavily watching Catherine's every move.

"You have seen nothing yet." Catherine cocky smile was almost too much for Sara.

Catherine continued her journey with her lips; bringing her fingers into the action as she let them toy with the glistening hair she found just under Sara's naval.

"My favorites smell… you….. when you're wet and ready for me."

"God I'm ready!" Sara moaned.

"Good." Catherine smiled darting her tongue out to taste her lover, parting her lips with her fingers Catherine let her tongue run through Sara's folds, savoring the slightly musky taste of her lover on her tongue.

"Christ." Sara hissed tangling her fingers into Catherine's Hair making sure her head did not move from the spot it had found.

Sara's words spurring her on, Catherine ran her tongue around Sara's dripping entrance feeling the younger woman's body quiver under her touch. Catherine let her tongue wander, finding the overly sensitive bundle of nerves a little further up. One swipe of her tongue and Sara nearly collapsed in a heap. Smiling to herself Catherine hooked Sara's leg over her shoulder, effectively holding Sara up, before running her fingers over Sara's hip and using them to tease Sara's center.

"Please Cath, don't tease me." Sara managed to gasp out between ragged breaths. She was so close and all she wanted to do was have Catherine bring her over the edge.

No further words were needed as Catherine slowly sank two fingers into Sara's tight slick channel. She let Sara set the pace letting her show just what she needed. Catherine was happy to oblige once the pace was set, Catherine let her tongue loose on that buddle of nerve calling for her attention.

"So close." Sara panted scratching her fingers in Catherine's hair.

Taking her cue Catherine sucked Sara's clit into her mouth gently taking it between her teeth and running her tongue over it a couple of times, pushing her girlfriend over the edge.

"Cath," Sara gasped as she collapsed like a boneless heap in to Catherine.

"I've got you baby," Catherine assured her, guiding them both to the floor of the stall. "I'm here baby, love you." Catherine cooed pulling Sara close, resting the younger woman's head on her breast. Running her finger tips over Sara's thigh, feeling the muscles flutter under her touch. She loved touching Sara like this; she could almost get drunk on it. It was an amazing feeling to be able to affect the younger woman in such a way. It was a sight to see when Sara came and Catherine would never tire.

"God Cath that was amazing."

"Pretty cool where I was too." Catherine smiled placing a gentle kiss on Sara's lips.

"I taste good on you."

"You taste amazing all on your own." Catherine told her running her hands down Sara's back noticing goose bumps forming. "We should get out, you're getting cold."

"Just want to hold you." Sara mumbled. In truth she was a little cold but she was more than happy just to sit there and hold Catherine.

"Let's get warm and you can hold me all you like."

**%%**

"That's not what I meant." Sara had to smile, Catherine really did have a habit of only hearing what she wanted to, at one point it drove Sara mad but she was more than used to it now and was determined not to let little misunderstandings get in their way.

"You want to be the one to tell MY sister we're dating?"

"Cath that's really not what I was saying and you know it. I want her to be told, not just work it out and I want to be there when you do it. Nance has been amazing to me since I moved here and I will do nothing to hurt her."

"You love her." Catherine stated rather than asked.

Sara was silent for a moment measuring her answer. If she said yes, was it going to tip Catherine over the edge but saying no would be a lie and Sara neither wanted to lie to Catherine or belittle her feelings for Nancy. Nancy had been an amazing friend and more for a while and Sara was not ashamed of that, the trouble was the last thing she wanted was for Catherine to see Nancy as a threat no matter in what small way.

"Well I'm going to take your silence as a yes." Catherine told Sara plopping down in a seat opposite Sara at the kitchen table. "You two had a relationship?"

This was not a conversation Sara wanted to be having, it somehow didn't feel right to be talking about Nancy, not with Catherine. That puzzled Sara for a moment, why did she never find it hard to talk to Nancy about anything when she couldn't tell Catherine this.

"Not as such there were feelings, deep feelings." Sara finally admitted with a sigh. "But it never really went anywhere."

"Never really went anywhere." Catherine repeated the words trying so hard not to think about Sara and her sister like that.

"I couldn't give everything that she needed so rather than end up hurting each other and spoiling the amazing relationship that we have, we decided that it would never go any further than it did."

"Any further?" Catherine asked looking Sara in the eye.

"We had this moment."

'Do you really want to tell her you slept with her sister?' Sara asked herself wondering how she had found herself in this situation. There were some things never meant to come between sisters and she was pretty sure this was one of them.

"Cath it never really mattered and it shouldn't now. We are really good friends and I love her and I will do everything in my power to make sure that she and Jerry are always safe but it will never be any more than that because no matter what I felt for her I always loved you more and she knew that. She was the one who would help me through the day when we had had a fight and I didn't think I could ever be anything more than the pain in the ass CSI you hated. She's my guardian angel."

"Not much going on then. You and my sister have this whole relationship that I have never been a part of and by the sounds of it I could never even dream of being a part of. So tell me Sara how am I not meant to be at least a little worried?"

"I had to have a relationship with Nance that you weren't a part of because we really weren't a part of each other lives. Look at the way you reacted when you found out that I was spending time with Linds. The way you were with me at my graduation party made me realize that you wanted me nowhere near your family. Things are different now though and I hope that you, Nance and I can build a friendship together."

"You two will have your little moments where I have no clue what's going on." Catherine pouted she had no idea why she felt so threatened by Sara's relationship with her sister but she did."

"Cath." Sara smiled moving round the table to kneel at Catherine's feet. "She's your damn sister; I think you corner the market on having moments with her that I won't get. When I came to Vegas all you guys had spent more time with Aaron than I had I in a while. I was in a new City and my brother had more in common with a group of science geeks than me but he's my brother and that won out and it will every time."

"She's my sister."

"And you trump anything I have with her Cath. You always will and you mean more to me than anyone ever has or will."

**%%**

"Hey guys," Aaron greeted wandering into the Break-Room looking for coffee finding Sara and Catherine already in there. "We got the car from Highway Patrol Jr, so drink up." Aaron told his sister turning to head for the coffee pot. He stalled for a moment his eyes caught one thing Catherine's hand under the table was drawing lazy patterns on his sister's thigh. Every pattern brought Catherine's hand a little closer to his kid sister's groin and as one sweep came in what he preserved to be a dangerously close proximity he felt compelled to do something. Clearing his throat he looked between Catherine's hand and her eyes catching her attention raising his eyebrows Aaron posed the silent question.

'Do I really need to see you touching my baby sister up?'

Catching Aaron's eye Catherine blushed and moved her had to the more respectable level of Sara's knee. Returning his gaze she posed her own question with a slight turn of her head.

'Are you really ok with this?'

Catherine realized she needed to know, with her Mom and Sam so dead set against her relationship with Sara, having Aaron ok with it would help ease her mind a little. When Aaron nodded after a moment Catherine exhaled letting a faint smile tinge her lips.

"Cath can I have a word?" Nick stole into Catherine's thoughts.

"Yeah. What can I do for you Nicky?"

"Hodges just told me that swing is going back to Grave."

"Well Hodges really does have a big trap." Catherine sighed, looking around the room at the expectant occupants. "Yeah, it's true, Grissom wanted to tell you all at once, neither of us counted on Hodges ability to get blood out off a stone."

"Hey is it true we are moving back to grave?" Warrick asked joining the group, Greg not far behind.

"They will fill you in," Catherine motioned to the rest of the room." And then back to work." Catherine teased. "I'll be in my office if anyone needs me." Catherine continued standing "Oh and Sidle Can I have a word in my office."

"Sidle," Aaron and Sara's matching brown eyes turned to Catherine.

"Jr!" Catherine shot back with a quirk of the eyebrow before leaving the room.

**%%**

"What did I do?" Sara asked sitting in Catherine's office.

"More like what I did." Catherine told her with a soft smile.

"What did you do?" Sara asked a little puzzled. "If it's about not telling me that we were going to be working together it's cool I understand you couldn't."

"It's not that but it means a lot to hear you say that." Catherine smiled wondering how she ever missed what an amazing person Sara really was.

"Ok so what is it?"

"Aaron was watching me when I was touching your leg."

"Well if by touching you mean groping and by leg then you mean thigh I'm surprised he didn't march you out of there and give you the speech."

"I was not groping and what speech."

"You so were and the speech about the rule for dating his sister."

"He only has one?" Catherine asked a little surprised it seemed, a little light.

"Yeah hurt me and he will kill you."

'See that explains it!' Catherine thought 'Who needs more rules than that.'

"It's ok." Sara smiled seeing Catherine pale a little. "He's just a bit protective. We went through a lot and he doesn't want to see me go through any more."

"I can understand that." Catherine sighed a little leaning back in her seat.

'Was there no one who was just going to say well done?'

"Really Cath it's ok we just have to show him that you make me happy." Sara tried to comfort Catherine a little, moving to rest against the deck next to Catherine's chair.

"I do, don't I?" Catherine questioned in a tiny voice looking up at Sara.

"You make me the happiest I have ever been." Sara was quick to assure leaning to kiss Catherine gently.

"That's good then."

Aaron's voice from behind them surprised them both. "Though if I was you I'd lock the door or stop kissing at work." Aaron pointed out with a wicked smile.

"Aaron."

Sara stood to face her brother her earlier confidence waning a little in front of her brother. Aaron's opinion was everything and although she had spoken to him about her feelings for Catherine and he was aware that the two of them had been on a date, she was anxious of the fact that they had not spoken about the relationship, didn't know whether Aaron was ok with it.

"Sara."

Aaron kept his face neutral making it unreadable for Sara and her heart sank a little. She was sure Aaron would always support her no matter what, so the thought of him not being there for her on this was heart breaking. Sara felt a hand slip into her own and looked down to see Catherine's fingers entwining with her own. Felling lighter than she had in a while Sara relaxed a little, no matter what she was not alone, she had Catherine, she had Lindsey, she had a family.

"Aaron…" Catherine started but Aaron cut her off.

"That's all I ever ask for, that whoever my baby sister chooses makes her happy. Keep that up and we'll be good." Aaron smiled a little pulling Sara into a fierce hug. "Break her heart and I don't care who you are Willows, you go down." Aaron told her over his sister's shoulder.

**%%**

"That was almost surreal today." Nancy joked running her fingers through Sara's hair where it lay on her lap.

"What?" Sara mumbled not opening her eyes she was too sleepy and far too comfortable to move from her spot on the sofa with her head on Nancy's lap.

"You and Catherine over dinner being that close that nice. Going to take a while to get used to loving up Sara and Cath compared to the fighting like children pair I've grown accustomed to."

"Well I'm not going back to make you happy." Sara smiled.

"Hell no I like this way much better. My sister and my best friend really should be able to be in the same room without needing to call the police."

"Yeah well as long as you're sure you're ok with all this. Nance I really don't want to hurt you."

"I love it Sar, really. You two are made for each other and I for one am so happy that you're not wasting all that potential anymore." Nancy told her. "Is Catherine ok though, she seemed a little quite while we were getting diner."

"She and I had a talk about me and you."

"Oh." Nancy stopped the movement of her hand pushing on Sara's shoulder a little, making her sit up. "What did she say?"

Sara grumbled a little sitting up, she really had been too comfortable to ever think about moving and she was too sleepy now to want another in-depth conversation with Catherine or her sister.

"She," Sara paused what can she say? That Catherine was always going to be a little weary of the relationship because it was something she would never feel a part of. Sara knew the moment those words left her mouth; her relationship with Nancy would never be the same. Nancy would forever feel she had to watch herself around her sister, never wanting to come between her sister and Sara, of that Sara was sure. "She thinks that we have something special and as much as at times that will upset her she never wants our relationship to change because of her. I never want what we have to change Nance. I love you and I want to be your friend like I am now or I don't want to be here at all because some sort of fake empty version of what we have now would hurt too much. I like being able to be me here with you."

"I would never want that to change Sar'. I love you too, you know that and having you around for me, for Jerry is so important. I would never do anything to come between you and Catherine thought. I love my sister too much to put myself between the two of you, so if for one second I though what we have was hurting her then we would have to find another way."

"You think I don't love her or I'm selfish to want you both in my life?" Sara wanted to know.

"No but I do think that if you love her half as much as you think you do you will put her and Lindsey's feelings before what you might want.

**%%**

"Whoa!" Catherine stopped in her tracks and looked around as she entered her living room.

"Come Dance with me." Sara husked standing in the middle of the Living room two glasses of champagne in her hands surrounded by flowers lights, low music humming in the back ground.

"What's going on?" Catherine wanted to know. She was sure that she had never seen such a romantic sight.

"I'm trying to spoil my girlfriend and right now more than anything I really want her to dance with me."

"What have I done to deserve this?" Catherine asked making her way over to Sara. Taking one of the glasses from her hands, she sipped at the contents before placing it to one side so Sara could pull her close.

"Let me see." Sara pretended to be contemplating an answer as she moved some of Catherine's hair of off her shoulder and places a tender skin on the soft creamy flesh she found there. "About a thousand and one things that you do every day that you have no clue about that make me fall in love with you even more."

Catherine had no answer to that instead she pulled herself impossibly tight to Sara resting her head in the crook of Sara's neck inhaling the scent of her lover.

_You touch these tired eyes of mine_

_And map my face out line by line_

_And somehow growing old feels fine_

_I listen close for I'm not smart_

_You wrap your thoughts in works of art_

_And they're hanging on the walls of my heart_

They swayed to the music both in thoughts of the woman in their arms. I love you bubbled under the surface neither though thought it summed up what they were feeling in that moment, not knowing what to do, what came next, what happened when I love you didn't tell the person in your arms what you were feeling. Almost as one they decided that every now and then actions speak louder than words.

Their lips met in a kiss neither had felt or even dared to imagine before that very moment sparks of pure love and raw passion flew between them as they poured everything they felt in to the kisses. One kiss became two, two morphed in to three and soon just their lips touching was nowhere near enough as hands found their way under tops to cares soft skin and breathing became ragged and heaving with an effort to get enough oxygen into lungs.

_You healed these scars over time_

_Embraced my soul_

_You loved my mind_

_You're the only angel in my life_

_The day news came my best friend died_

_My knees went weak and you saw me cry_

_Say I'm still the soldier in your eyes_

Stumbling backwards Catherine's knees hit the sofa and they collapsed in to a loving meld of fumbling limbs.

"Need you." Sara gasped lungs burning head spinning.

"Need you too." Catherine told her kissing her way down Sara's neck from her passion pinned between Sara and the sofa. Groping between them Catherine finally found the zipper to Sara's jeans lowering it levering the popper open and slipping her hand in.

Sara whimpered and turned them both so they were on their sides facing each other taking the opportunity to run her hands up Catherine's thigh slipping her hand under her skirt as she did so finally reaching her goal and slipping her hand inside Catherine's panties.

In the same moment excited fingers slipped in to willing bodies instantly finding a pace that set them both on fire from the inside out.

_I may not have the softest touch_

_I may not say the words as such_

_And though I may not look like much_

_I'm yours_

_And though my edges may be rough_

_And never feel I'm quite enough_

_It may not seem like very much_

_But I'm yours_

Kisses once again became frantic and free hands roamed freely trying to sooth only igniting passion further. Their movements lost cohesion as they neared their release, feelings never felt before coursed like fire through their veins till they came clinging to each other panting, each other names.

* * *

**Thanks for reading guys and thanks for sticking with me =)**

*** Song used in this chapter is I'm yours by the script**


	32. The Ring

"Do you actually spend time with your brother?"

Sara was so surprised by the question she stopped walking and it took Nancy a moment to realize and she left Sara behind.

"You coming slow poke." Nancy joked.

"What sort of question was that?" Sara asked jogging a little to catch up with Nancy.

"Well I was just wondering, isn't this something you'd like to do with him. I mean the last thing I want is to come have Az on the phone moaning because I'm monopolizing your time."

"Hey Nance have I ever told you that you worry too much." Sara laughed warping her arm around Nancy's shoulder.

"Once or twice." Nancy conceded.

"Well, have no fear this time. Az and I spent a very fun night playing violent video games and eating popcorn just the other night and when I mentioned my plan he said I should ask you because shopping for rings really isn't his thing."

"Oh so it's a girl thing. I might have to have a word with your brother."

"Knock yourself out. Just help me pick a ring for your sister first."

"Ok. I want to know… I mean are you sure I can't talk you into asking her to marry you while we're here."

"I'm pretty sure you can do no such thing Nance, it's too soon."

"Too soon," Nancy snorted "You to have been in love for too long, just get married already."

"Look lets see how she takes me asking her to wear my ring before we go picking out tuxes."

"OH my I could get all excited at the thought of you in a tux."

"Down girl."

"So you have an idea right. I mean we've been to three shops now and we're not just waiting till inspiration hits you right."

"No I know exactly what I want and I'm not getting anything else and if I don't find it today then I might have to go out of state."

"Look at you, little miss determined."

It was true Sara was determined, she had know the ring she wanted to buy for the right person since she was in high school, she had always imagined slipping it on Star's finger but she had long since come to terms with the fact that that would never be and the thought of slipping a ring on Catherine's finger was as amazing as any thought had ever been.

All she needed to do was find the right one. She wondered if Angel had had this trouble. She knew though that the one he had given Buffy back in high school must have been a couple of hundred years old. _'Humph'_ Sara sighed to herself, there was a lot to be said for being immortal.

Sara stopped in her tracks once again, causing Nancy to walk on without her.

"Will you stop doing that?" Nancy scolded her, back tracking to meet up with Sara. "Now what is it?"

"That." Sara pointed through the window of the store at a ring in one of the rows. Right there was the ring she had been dreaming of for weeks.

**%%**

"Why do I have to stay with Aunt Nancy tonight?" Lindsey pouted as she helped Sara set wine glasses on the table in the Willows dining room. _'Damn you pout like your mom'_ Sara smiled looking at her girlfriend's daughter. She pulled Lindsey into her arms, kissing the young girl's cheek. She was more than just Catherine's daughter Sara loved her like her own. Sara couldn't believe just how much Lindsey had grown. It seemed that the younger Willows was always changing. Gone was the cute little girl who had always hung on to Sara whenever she was there. Lindsey was now a maturing young woman a pretty fine one at that, Sara thought. Sara was just glad that Lindsey and, her had remained close. Sara loved the times they spent shopping or just sitting together watching TV.

"Because someday, once your mom and I finally let you date, you will meet that special person who steals your heart and you'll want to make every moment of their lives as amazing as they make you feel and then one day you'll have kids and realize that as much as you love the life you created every now and then they cramp your style!"

"Thanks," Lindsey said, pouting. Sara couldn't stop the smile on her face. _'So like your Mom.'_

"Linds we love you. I love you, I feel like you're my daughter sometimes I love you that much and you are as important to me as your Mom, you know that. As much as being with your mom is about being a family every now and then I like to show her that I still realize that I pulled a stunner." Sara told Lindsey pulling out the ring she brought the day before with Nancy.

"That is so cool." Lindsey gazed at the ring for a moment before heading to the fridge to get some water. "Not helping you any more though, because you have the night off and I can't stay home." With that she headed in to the other room to watch TV.

Sara watched Lindsey sit on the floor in front of the TV and once again sent up a silent prayer to whoever she has to thank for the family she found herself a part of. She loved Aaron, she always would and in some ways he was all the family she had ever needed. This was different though, Aaron was her big brother and their relationship would always have its own dynamics because of that. Catherine was her equal, her other half and that was something she never though she would get to feel again.

Sara sat at the table placing the ring box in front of her. She flicked the box open looking down on the delicate golden ring inside. She hoped this was the perfect item to provide Catherine with a solid token of her devotion.

Sara knew Catherine would never tell her but time to time from her words and actions Sara knew Catherine was still a little unsure of Sara's intentions for their future. Part of her, Sara felt, was waiting for the other shoe to fall. Sara planned for forever; she had just never told Catherine that, tonight was going to be that night. A Claddagh ring she had decided was the right token. Sara ran her fingers over the cold metal and her mind crashed back to the first time she had ever seen the ring in front of her.

_Sara sat with the book in front of her open, not that she had seen any of the words in the last few moments. All her mind kept doing was running over the last few weeks. Angel really had lost his soul, he really was evil and he really was going to try to kill them all just to make Buffy suffer. Her eyes wandered to the blond sat opposite her. Sara was hurting and Angel had been her best friend. How did Buffy feel when sleeping with her had cost the man she loved his humanity. Sara might have had a better idea of how Buffy felt if she would open up just a little to one of them. Sara watched Buffy for a moment, finally her eyes being drawn to the ring on Buffy's left hand._

"_Buff, that's beautiful, where did you get it?" Tearing her eyes from the book Sara was sure she wasn't reading, Buffy followed Sara's gaze resting on the ring she was still wearing .Buffy's sudden movement stunned Sara as the slayer bolted from the room._

'_I'll go." Willow went to follow Buffy out._

'_I got it I mean I put my foot in it.'_

'_Yeah you did." Star pointed out._

'_Star please.'_

'_Please what, where do you think she got such a ring.'_

_Pondering just that thought, Sara found Buffy at the water fountain just round the corner._

'_Angel gave it to you and I'm a Muppet.'_

'_Yes and no. it's just…I mean will it always hurt like this.'_

'_No, or maybe yes and you just live with the pain. I can't really tell anymore but some days you won't think about him when you wake up and you'll wonder what's wrong with you.' Buffy smiled at that pulling the ring off, placing it in Sara's hand._

'_It's a Claddagh ring. The hands represent friendship, the heart love and the crown loyalty. When you ware it on your left hand, heart facing in it means you're taken or you love someone.'_

_Sara slipped the ring back on Buffy's left hand heart facing in, then kissed her finger._

'_Loving him won't get us killed. Trusting him will.' Sara told her pulling her close._

Fourteen years later she was going to slip a very similar ring on the hand of the woman she loved. All she could hope was the night would go as planned. She had wanted to do something for Catherine but was pretty sure that she had been on enough dates in flashing restaurants with wine and waiters to last her a life time. No this was their night, a night for Sara to show Catherine she was the future. They had had there bumps in the road most caused by Sara insecurities, she was very jealous of the way Catherine and Warrick were together sometimes but she was working on it.

Sara's Cell phone snapped her out of her silent musings.

"Sidle."

"Hey baby." Catherine purred down the phone and Sara just knew she wasn't going to like what Catherine had to say.

"What is it?" She asked refusing to be pulled in by Catherine silky tones.

"Aw not playing," Sara knew Catherine was pouting even over the phone.

"What's up?" Sara asked again ignoring Catherine's question.

"I need to work tonight."

"Cath we both got tonight off, Griss ok it weeks ago."

"I know but there was an explosion at the trailer park and all hands are needed."

"All hands, but yours working not me?"

"Well I talked Griss into letting you stay off."

"No if all hands are needed then I'll be in."

"What about Linds?"

"I'll sort her out." Sara told her hanging up.

"Hey Linds, you can stop pouting now." Sara told the girl sitting next to her in front of the TV.

"Why?" She asked curiously moving to sit closer to Sara.

"Because you are no longer staying out tonight because we're at home."

"You have to work."

"Yep."

"What about Mom's surprise."

"Well Mom will get it another day."

"But it won't be the same another day."

"No it won't." Sara told Lindsey trying hard to pretend it didn't hurt.

**%%**

Sara stayed back a little as she watched Hodges leave the lay out room. She was pretty sure that the annoying lab rat had trace on the 'hit & run' no way did she want to be the one to have to retrieve it. No she'd leave that to boss man Hodges would love that, a chance to suck up to the boss. No, Sara had something else on her mind, she had purposely been avoiding Catherine all night since she had come in to work and she was pretty sure if she didn't talk to Catherine soon, Catherine was going to kill her. She had really tried not to be so upset with Catherine for not remembering their mini anniversary and she thought it was finally time to just speak to Catherine about it.

Sara's feet slow as she came closer to the lab and she caught Warrick's words.

"Can we talk about this?" She heard him say and realized he was showing Catherine a ring on his wedding finger. _'Wow 'Rick's married whoa he's married and Cath's bothered'_

"Sure."

'_Clipped one word answer, she's really bothered and she kept telling me my jealousy of 'Rick was over nothing.'_

"You know, what happened to Nick ... it just got me thinking. Life is so short, you know? It's almost ... it's almost shorter than we want to ever believe."

"Live for the day."

"Exactly. So I, uh… I've been seeing this young lady –Tina- at the time and I asked her to marry me."

"You know I'm happy for you right."

'_No , you sure as hell don't sound it'_ Sara thought debating whether or not to just bolt and never look back.

"Yeah."

"Yeah"

"But it also feels like you're not so happy for me."

'_Doesn't it just, no wonder she wanted to keep us a secret?'_

"Warrick… You know the thing that makes a fantasy great is the possibility that it might come true. And when you lose that possibility… It just kind of sucks."

"Doesn't it just? Man, you got married but I thought you loved me." Sara joked making her present know.

"Hell girl we just would never have worked." Warrick joked gently punching Sara on the arm.

"I'm beginning to think the same." Sara looked past Warrick to look Catherine in the eyes.

"Sara." Catherine tried but Sara turned her back on Catherine turning to Warrick.

"Congrat's Man, she's one lucky lady to be married to you and I really can't wait to meet her."

"Thanks Sar' that means a lot."

"Well you mean a lot. So have you seen Az or Nicky?"

"No I'll tell them you're looking for them if I do."

"Cheers."

Sara was out of the room in a shot. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. Catherine, her Catherine was so upset at the thought that Warrick was married. Why? Well her gut had an answer almost the same as Catherine herself had given, 'Because part of her wanted him.' All Sara wanted to know was whether or not it was the same part that had settled for her. The thought of everything she had learned to trust-Catherine and Lindsey- being based on a lie almost made her want to cry.

**%%**

"No way!"

"Well hey to you too." Sofia laughed walking over to where Sara was standing. It took Sara a moment to pull herself together then she pulled Sofia in to a warm hug.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were in Boulder City."

"I was but as I told Grissom earlier when a spot opened up here I transferred."

"That is so cool Detective Curtis."

"I thought so and I'm guessing we're cool."

"Very."

"Good because what we had was special to me and I want to be friends with you Sara that would mean a lot."

"It means a lot to me too, I know I messed up so many things with you 'Fia but I want us to be friends the best of friends. You know you can count on me right. I'll always be right here for you no matter where you feel you have to go."

"I know and I finally feel that I can say the same losing you hurt and I can't pretend it didn't but having time to think made me realize that the time we spent together will only make a friendship stronger."

"Hey listen to us having a really grown up conversation."

"Yeah, probably not the place for it."

"No guess not, want to have breakfast?"

"Love to. So you working the car soup too."

"That's me."

"Greg and Aaron came up with a possible ID for the girl and I'm just going to talk to her Grandfather want to sit in?"

"Why Miss Curtis I would love to."

"Mr. James, I'm Detective Curtis. We spoke on the phone, this is CSI Sidle."

Mr. James nodded in the younger woman's direction handing over the things he had been asked to bring in.

"I also brought her toothbrush and hairbrush," Pulling out some files. "This one from her doctors the other from her dentist."

Sara pulled the photo of Clara. It was hard at times-to keep a case in prospective- when all you saw was a pile of bones.

"I'll get this stuff to the lab to get a DNA sample started."

Sara told them both walking away. She headed for her car pulling out of the PD car parking, she headed back to the lab tuning the radio to anything to beat back the silence, the silence was filled with thoughts of Catherine and she really wasn't sure what to do about that yet. The turning for the lab came and went and she drove on heading for the strip some breakfast with no chance Catherine could walk in was all she really wanted in that moment.

* * *

**Thanks for reading and thank you those who have reviewed you're amazing =)**

**Might take a while to get the next chapters to you as my laptop is sick have no fear though i am writing away and will have lots for you as soon as i can. So lets all join hands and pray for my laptop.  
**


	33. Ow!

**It's i'm back laptop trouble means that this chapter hasn't been bated as it would normally be just had a spell check. At some point might be reposetd once i get on line properly. Hope you enjoy and please be genital with your reviews.**

* * *

Sara looked at her hand shock masking the pain for a moment.

'_Where the hell had this day gone so wrong?'_

One moment she had been planning a romantic meal for the love of her life and now here she was pinned to the wall by the hand with a knife in an abandoned warehouse on the edge of Vegas.

"Didn't have to be like this." Sam Braun told her his smile sickly false. Sara was momentarily reminded of her father he too had smiled just like that _'and that ended so well!'_ she reminded her self. His crocodile smile her mom had called it. Some how though Sara could never see Lilly killing Sam not even to protect Catherine. No Sara was well aware that in their little world she was the bad guy.

The man behind Sara turned the knife and red hot pain shot through Sara's hand and along her arm stealing the very from her tired lungs. Sara closed her eyes willing herself to think of anything but the pain she was in. Catherine's face was the only thing that cam to mind. Some how Catherine's rogue feelings for Warrick weren't very important any more.

"Why the hell didn't you just do as Mr Braun asked?" The now angry man behind Sara seethed in to her ear. A shudder ran down Sara's spine as the wretched tobacco stained breath insulted her nostrils. Silently she begged her stomach not to choose that moment to revolt.

"It was a simple request Miss Sidle stay way from my daughter. " Sam told Sara as he adjusted his tie and picking lint off his jacket. Sara stood up on her tips toes trying to relieve some of the pressure on her hand. She was trying to figure a way to get out of there before she bleed to death. She knew she needed help, needed Catherine there to hold her and tell her that no matter what happened it was all going to be ok. She knew that there was no chance of her getting to her cell phone it had been taken from her and tossed in to a corner of the room she found her self in the fist time it had rang. It had enraged Sam just a little more to see Catherine come up on the caller ID.

Sara hadn't forgotten Sam Braun's or his warning she knew only a fool would do that. She had thought however that Sam would be a little smarter than picking her up in broad day light from one of his own casinos that was a little daring even for Sam. Sara had been banking on the fact that Catherine wound blame Sam forever if anything happened, to keep her safe for a while. It seemed though that being a father made even powerful men like Sam Braun a little crazy at times.

"So can I take it that you'll be listening to me from now on, or do my friend and I have to show your other hand how serious we are?"

I love your daughter sir and you are just going to have to kill me to stop me from doing that." Sara told him with a confidence she really didn't feel. She was sure that Sam wouldn't think twice about having her killed.

"That can be arranged Miss Sidle. It would be a nasty was to go though don't you think and what would it do to Catherine is she was called to a remote crime scene and it was you."

**%%**

"Have you seen Sara?" Catherine asked the younger blond upon finding her in the brakeroom pouring herself a coffee.

Catherine wasn't sure she wanted to be talking to Sofia. Considering the relationship Sofia had shared with Sara Catherine was sure it would have been easier for her if Sofia had never come back till she and Sara were a little better a communicating. Sighing to herself Catherine realised two things: Sofia might have had to stay away forever for that to happen, and given her current level of worry about the brunette's whereabouts she really had little choice as to who she asked. It was a fact that if anyone was going to know where Sara was it would be Sofia.

"Oh hi Catherine. No I haven't seen her in the last little while."

"When did you last see her?" Catherine sighed at another dead end.

"She left me at PD to bring back some files and exemplars. Is everything ok?"

"No!" Catherine relented. She didn't want to share her fears with Sofia, she also realised that Sofia might be the only other person who knew the brunette with out worrying Aaron again.

'_The poor man should be should be gray with everything Sara put him through.'_

"You know Sara she wouldn't just disappear without a good reason and not while we are working and she had evidence with her."

"You're worried." Sofia asked, puzzled the Catherine Willows she had known before she left had been happier when Sara was no where to be seen.

"Your not?"

"I wasn't but I think we should be. You're right I do know Sara and she would never do that."

"So what can we do?" Catherine asked, she was still not sure she wanted what ever help Sofia would provide. She wanted to find Sara though and she had a bad feeling something was wrong and Sofia might be the only person in a position to help.

"Does she have her cell phone with her?" Sofia asked watching Catherine closely. This was a new side of Catherine a new side to her at least. It seemed a few things had changed while she had been away, when had Catherine started worrying about Sara. Sofia wondered what else had changed in the relationship between the two CSI's. One thing was for sure it made Sara disappearing even odder. If Sara had managed to become friends or even more with Catherine there was no way she would disappear in the middle of shift and risk upsetting Catherine. No that was even out of character for the enigmatic Sara Sidle.

"Yeah always."

Catherine kept her smile to her self this wasn't the time but she couldn't help feeling smug knowing there were little things about Sara only she knew.

"Good because all the cell phones we use have GPS. All we have to do is get in to the system and we can track her."

"Can we do that?"

"Yeah we're just not meant to." Sofia smiled

**%%**

"I hate these things." Catherine sighed running her fingers through her hair as she looked over Sofia's shoulder at the screen.

"You won't be saying that when we find Sara." Sofia tried to reassure Catherine. "I bet she's sat in a coffee shop somewhere nursing a coffee."

"I hope so I can take being mad at her for missing work for a while."

"Catherine?" Sofia started and then paused. What was she going to ask and did she want the answer? Did she really need to know if Catherine and Sara were together? Seeing Sara every day, feeling the emptiness that had engulfed her when they had split up had been one of the reasons she had decided to leave for a while. Did she really want to open that can of worms again? _'Yes.' _Sofia found that no matter how hard she tried there was only one answer to that question. She needed to know that there was someone there for the brooding brunette because Sofia knew better than anyone she needed someone.

"Yeah?"

"You seem pretty worked up over Sara."

"Is that a crime?" Catherine snapped. She might have known that Sofia would pick up on her change in attitude. Not only was she a gifted investigator, she had a vested interest in Sara whether Catherine liked it or not.

"Not in the slightest." Sofia smiled. "Its just new coming from you that's all?" Sofia spoke while tapping the keys on the key board not once taking her eyes of the screen: there was no need to not to know there was a look of pure fear on Catherine's face all she needed to know had been in the tone of Catherine's voice. "So how long have you two been together then?"

"How did you know?" Catherine asked wondering if she really was that transparent.

"Well you just told me." Sofia laughed softly "But I knew how Sara felt about you it was one of the reasons we're not together any more. I hoped you might give her the chance to show her the person she can be."

"You lover her don't you."

"Yes I always will and that's why I want her to be happy. I know you're the one to do that just look after her ok." Sofia added a little sterner. "I know she acts all tough but she's quite soft under all that and it wouldn't be too much to break her all together."

"I intend to cherish her for as long as she will have me."

"Good now lets go get her then."

"You've found her?" Catherine was surprised, that had been quicker than she thought.

"Yeah so come on."

**%%**

Catherine gasped pressing her hand to her mouth at the sight that meet her as she and Sofia slowly nudged the door to the abandoned warehouse open. Catherine had known there was something wrong from the moment Sara's GPS had indicated that she was just on the out skirts of Vegas. Nothing though could have prepared her for the sight of Sara in that condition.

The CSI in Catherine fled the building at the sight of her girlfriend in pain. It was Sofia's hand on her shoulder that stopped her rushing in.

"Let me go first." The detective told her pushing her sunglasses on to the top of her head and unclipping her service weapon from its holster.

"I need to be with her." Catherine hissed as Sofia pushed past her.

"We don't need to end up like her." Sofia stood her ground. "Who will help then?"

Realising the sense in Sofia's words Catherine let her advance alone in to the dull dank room in front of them. Knowing that Sofia was right didn't help Catherine as she watched on helplessly as Sara stood knife in hand semi conscious against a wall. She wanted to call out to her lover and reassure her that help was there and she was no longer alone. She had to bite her tongue to stop herself doing just that. They had no idea who had done this to Sara and whether or not they were still there.

Catherine couldn't help remembering the look on Sara's face having walked in on her conversation with Warrick. Catherine had never meant for Sara to hear any of what she was saying. She knew Sara knew what she would be thinking wondering if she was second best the booby prize. Catherine would never be able to tell Sara just how much she was first choice would always be first choice. No matter what it had been with Warrick it was nothing to the way Sara made her feel.

"Clear!"

Catherine sprinted to Sara's side the moment Sofia confirmed that there was no one else at the scene.

"Sar' baby I'm here."

"Cath."

Sara cracked her eyes open at the sound of her lovers voice.

"Baby."

Sara smiled a little at the sight of Catherine. The pain in her hand was almost unbearable but she knew that with Catherine there by her side she could cope.

"What have you been doing?" Catherine asked looking her girlfriend over.

"Just hanging around."

Catherine couldn't hold back the smile if Sara's silly sense of humour was out to play then she might just be ok.

"What happened?" Catherine asked for the life of her she couldn't work out how Sara came to be pinned to the wall with a knife. Sara was one of the gentlest people she knew she was at a lose as to who might want to hurt her. It made her made though Sara had seen enough violence in her life why did she still have to see more.

"Just get me out of here and we can talk about it later, I'm just so tired right now."

"Stay awake baby." Catherine couldn't help her motherly tone from coming out. Sara rolled her eyes mother Catherine was funny.

"Don't roll your eyes at me young lady." Catherine chastised gently trying to keep the banter light it was good if it kept Sara going. Catherine didn't know how much blood Sara had lost, she would guess it was a lot if the steady stream leaking from Sara's hand down her arm and soaking in to her shirt was anything to go by. The last thing she wanted was for Sara to go in to shock.

"Back up's on its way." Sofia told them making her way over to the pair hanging up her phone. "Look Sar' you're not going to like but we need to get that knife out."

"You can when the paramedics get here."

"No Sar' she's right" Catherine told her stroking her cheek alarmed at just how clammy she was. "You've lost a lot of blood and we need to stem the flow."

"Its wedged in there pretty tight I couldn't move it and it hurts."

Sara pouted a little she knew they were right she had just hopped that there was going to be drugs involved when it happened. There was no way on gods green earth that she wanted Catherine or Sofia for that matter to see her in such a pitiful state. She wanted to be Catherine's rock, the one that was there to support her, the one she could count on , the one to hold her up not the weak one.

"Ok I know it's going to hurt, but it should be able it get it out fairly quickly." Sofia reassured Sara as beat as she could.

"What are we going to put on her hand." Catherine wasn't sure removing the knife was the best thing if it meant wrapping a dirty rag around Sara open wound.

"I went and fetched the first aid kit from my car when I called for back up and checked out side." Sofia told them.

Just do it." Sara told them laying her head on the wall facing away from her hand. "Just make it bloody quick!"

**%%**

"Hey there you."

"Catherine smiled down at Sara as the brunette blinked open her eyes.

"What happened?" Sara asked barely recognising her own voice that was dry and scratchy with pain.

"You swore a lot then passed out." Catherine explained.

"Sorry" Sara smiled sheepishly.

"Hey no worries it gave us a chance to dress your hand." Sofia pointed out from over Catherine's shoulder."

"Just in time too." Catherine informed her girlfriend helping her sit up. "Brass and the medic's are moments out. I knew you wouldn't want Jim seeing you flat out of it."

"I really don't want the police involved in this." Sara told the two women holding her hand to her chest protectively closing her eyes swallowing down a fresh wave of nausea.

"Well I'm a police officer and I'm involved." Sofia pointed out.

"You're my friend." Sara countered.

"So is Jim." Sofia shot back.

"Look lets just get your hand looked and then we can fight about who we talk to later."

Catherine was aware of just how stubborn Sara could be. She knew that if she pushed her on it right now Sara would probably refuse any help what so ever. Catherine was she realised getting better at getting Sara to do what was needed.

"She's been stabbed Catherine." Sofia exclaimed.

"I'm painfully aware of that." Catherine pointed out turning to Sofia pinning her with her gaze. "But right now getting Sara safe is the most important thing to me."

Sofia looked between the two women realising that there was nothing she could say in that moment to make them change there minds. She vowed silently not to let this drop. Some had tried to hurt Sara really bad in truth probably tried to much worse than that and there was no way she was going to stand by and let that go. She knew to well that if rolls were reversed Sara would do the same.

"You guys ok."

Brass entered the warehouse with the medics.

"Never better." Sara said under her breath before adding a much more vocal "OW! Hole in my hand." When the EMTS took Catherine's place.

"Oh I think she'll be just fine." Catherine smiled watching Sara complain all the way to the ambulance.

**%%**

"Sara it's been two days since we found you pinned to the wall. Now as girlfriends go I think I've been pretty patient."

"Cath can't we talk about this later." _'On account I don't want to be the one to tell you that your dad did this.' _

"We've been going to talk about this later for two days. I'd have said just about anything to get you out of that place safe, now though I want to know."

"Hey Sara." Brass called from the door way to the room. Looking over at the two tense occupants he felt bad to interrupt. Catherine had gone all over protective of Sara. Most of the team were at a loss to know why but Brass was drawing his own conclusions. "Hey Sidle." He tried a little louder and smiled as they jumped.

"Hey Brass." Sara smiled glad to see her friend and grateful for the respite from Catherine's questioning. "Good to see you." She told him as he pulled up a chair.

"Well I hope your saying that in a little while." Brass smiled a little. "I'm here professionally."

Sara's smiled faded as Catherine's grew.

"Good." Catherine told him. "Maybe she'll talk to you because she sure as hell won't talk to me."

Sara's smile was now a grimace as she turned pleading eyes on Catherine.

"Don't look at me like that Sar' your puppy dog eyes won't wash this time you've been assaulted."

"I know but please, I talk to you but not the police not till you have heard what I have to say." Sara pleaded. She realised that there was no other way out of this she couldn't talk to the police. Not only was Sam Catherine's father but he was one of the most powerful men in Vegas you didn't tell tales out of school on him.

Against all her better judgment Catherine spoke.

"Does she have to do this now?"

Brass sighed looking between the both of them. He knew it was no use pushing this right now no matter how mush he wanted the animal who did this to Sara. Catherine's wrath was not something you invoked on a good day so he wasn't going to push her right now not when she was protecting Sara. He would talk to them at some point her was just going to have to pick his moment. For now though he decided he was going to have a little word with Catherine about looking after _'his'_ girl.

"Look I think you're nuts and there is no way that either Sof' or I can let this drop. I will though let you rest for now though." Brass told Sara standing to leave. "Catherine can I have a word."

"I'll be right back." Catherine told Sara kissing her head.

**%%**

"Brass."

"So." Brass smiled. "How long have you two been together?"

Catherine shook her head and contemplated denying everything. Telling Sofia had been one thing because her and Sara's previous relationship, how though would brass take it? Catherine realised that she didn't care who knew in fact she was going to talk to Sara about telling the others when she was better.

"About six weeks."

As she said the words Catherine realised that they had been dating exactly six weeks the day Sara had been hurt, the day they were meant to have off together. Sara had gone to a lot of trouble to get them the same night off swapping shifts and offering all sorts of favours. Working so hard so no one would realise that it was all so they could have the same night off. Catherine wondered what had been so important that they both needed the night off what had Sara been planning? What had she ruined by reacting so badly to Warrick's news?

"After her."

The end of Brass's sentence caught Catherine's attention.

"Sorry." Catherine smiled apologetically.

"I said I'm happy for the both of you, Look after her though she means a lotto me."

"I intent to she's the best thing that ever happened to Lind's and me. Jim no one else knows yet and we'd like to tell them ourselves."

"Your secret is safe with me. Try to get her to open up though this can't be left unpunished."

**%%**

"What did Brass want?" Sara asked patting the side of her bed and tried not to look hurt when Catherine pulled up a chair and sat in that instead.

"Don't pout; I just think we need to be more careful that's all. People will be coming in and out of here and we want to tell them in our own time."

Brass said something?"

"Yeah and if he worked it out so will the others and I want to have that conversation on our terms."

"You want to have that conversation though?"

"Of course I do baby just not while you're in a hospital bed."

Sara was happy to let the subject drop for now knowing that when the time came Catherine was happy to talk about telling the others. It didn't dispel all her fears but it was enough for the moment.

"What else did he want?"

"To know what happened to you."

"I won't talk to the police."

"Will you talk to me?"

"Even if I know you won't like what I have to say?"

"Even if I won't like it I need to hear it."

"Just remember you asked for this."

"Just talk to me."

"Sam Braun!"

* * *

**Thanks for reading =)**

**Please review!  
**


	34. What you do to me

**Hey Ho all. Another chapter for you. Again not betaed just had a spell check hope you enjoy and i may repost once i get a chance for my wonderful beta to have a look. **

**Oh yeah not mine just having a bit of fun and making no mony while i do so. **

**Note to self: never say hey ho again lol**

* * *

"Sam" Catherine clarified not for one moment wanting to believe that Sam would really hurt Sara and all because after so many years he wanted to play daddy.

"Yeah it seems he really doesn't want me to date you." Sara tried to smile.

"Sara please!" Catherine demanded that Sara take this seriously.

She slipped in to the chair by Sara's bed and held her head in her hands, shutting her eyes. How could this be happening? How could Sara be lying in this hospital bed for simply loving her?

"Cath look at me." Sara placed her hand imploringly over Catherine's

"I have and that's the problem Sar'. You got hurt because of me."

"I got hurt because of Sam not you. You didn't leave me with nerve damage and two broken metacarpal bones"

"No but it feels like I did right now. You have to go through so much just to try and use your hand again and I feel like it's all because you stayed with me."

"Cath I stayed with you because I love you and like I told Sam he's going to have to kill me to stop me doing that."

Catherine sat bolt upright in the chair her blue eyes staring intensely at Sara "Sara doesn't ever say that. Don't you think your hand is bad enough?"

"Yeah I do Cath, I may never use it properly again and that means I may never be able to be a CSI again and that sucks. I didn't choose to be a CSI it kind of chose me but I love it so I can't ever imagine being any thing else. However I'd never trade a moment with you and Lind's just to have my hand healed"

"I'm just the worst girlfriend ever." Catherine sighed slumping back in the chair. Shutting her eyes images of the dinning room at her house flashed in to her mind. Sara had gone to so much trouble to for them to have a romantic night together and Catherine felt she had spoiled it all with her hurt pride.

"How are you the worst girlfriend from where I'm sitting I'm bloody lucky to have you."

"I messed up your plans." Catherine announced dejectedly she felt like the biggest bitch in the world at that moment. Sara had been stabbed on the day that was meant to be so special for them.

"Cath come here." Sara ordered patting the bed at her side, looking sternly at Catherine when the blond seemed to refuse to move. "Cath."

Relenting Catherine moved slowly to sit on the edge of the bed. Sara needed her much closer to make her point Catherine was a very tactile person with that in mind Sara shuffled awkwardly forward on the bed pulling Catherine to gently lay by her side.

"Cath I love you I really do just being in the same room as you takes my breath away." Sara told Catherine gently turning the blonds head when she wouldn't look her in the eye. Kissing Catherine on the fore head Sara continued. "To be the one that gets to hold you to make love to you the one who get to just watch you sleep is something I thought I would never get the chance to do. So yeah I hang on to every little moment we make and I wanted to do something special that night but you really weren't to know. I don't think you love me any less because you didn't read my mind and I certainly don't love you any less. As for Sam what he did was down to him Cath not you and not me. He will always think he can intimidate any one he wants. Were just going to have to show him and your mom that no matter what they do or say I'm here to stay with you and with Lind's."

"I really don't deserve you Sara Sidle do you realise that." Catherine laughed softly wiping a tear from her eye.

"Cath we deserve each other we really do I can't think of anyone else who would put up with us."

"Made for each other hey, Sidle are you getting soppy on me."

"I'll show you soppy." Sara smiled with a glint in her eye.

"What about your hand." Catherine enquired.

"I'll show you what I can do one handed!"

**%%**

"I think we need to talk about what happened before you left the lab the day you gat stabbed ."

Sara groaned a little. She knew this conversation was coming she had been hoping to put it off a little longer. It seemed though that that wasn't going to happen. It was obvious even to Sara that they still needed to work on their communication skill. Trouble was that would always be the one thing Sara hated most. Sara sighed shifting to get comfortable on the couch with Catherine curled in to her side.

'_The things e do for love.'_ Sara thought ruefully to herself.

"You want to have that conversation now."

"Well Lind's is with Aaron and Nance. And we both have the night off."

"Yeah well I have more than tonight off."

"Sar I know you're still hurting but you have to think positively."

"Yeah about that, I was wondering what you thought of asking Griss if I could may be come in and work in the lab do some running around be a scribe that sort of thing."

"Do you feel up to it?" Catherine asked lifting her head so she could look at Sara.

"I think I'll go mental if I have to sit around here and do nothing. I love you and I love being around you but I'm not that good doing nothing."

"I'll strike you a deal ok. Sit here right now and have an honest conversation with me and just see how you go the next couple of days just being out of hospital and I'll come talk to Griss with you."

"Thank you."

"I'll take that as a yes then." Catherine clarified. Thinking that Sara should hold on to her gratitude till after the conversation. She knew just how much Sara hated to talk about her self. The fact that Sara was willing to do that and more to make their relationship work meant the world to Catherine.

"Yeah I guess your right."

"Good because I think we need it. I just wish you felt you could have talked to me then."

"I wish I had and not just because of the way things turned out. I hate that my first thought was to get out of there as fast as I could."

"You still don't trust me."

"It's not that." Sara pulled Catherine tighter to her side. "I guess with everything you know about me I think you shouldn't trust me."

"I trust you with the most important things in my life my daughter, and sister and my heart. My god Sar' the things you do for us are amazing. Take the dinning room the thought you must have put in to making look that special."

"I asked Nace to tidy it all away before you got a chance to see it but I take it she didn't."

"No she told me she wanted me to see it wanted to make sure I realised what you had been planning. I told her about Rick being married and what I had said and I think she wanted to remind me that I had something better. Not that I needed reminding I know that I have first prize"

"When you said that to Rick I got scared. It suddenly made sense that you didn't want to tell the guy's if you had feelings for Rick"

"What made sense?" Catherine asked kneeling up so she could look in Sara's eyes. Sara looked anywhere but in to Catherine's eyes. She hated this heart to heart stuff when it meant she had to feel so vulnerable. "Sar' baby what ever it is, it will hurt us more if you keep it bottled up." She said running gentle fingers over Sara's jaw.

"I wondered if you only wanted to keep us quite because you wanted to keep your options open. Because I saw how you reacted when Warrick got married and I heard what you said to him about fantasies. I love you so much part of me could really be ok with being second choice. But then I thought about it and I need all of you or nothing at all."

"Oh god baby." Catherine scrambled on to Sara's lap straddling her thighs so they were looking straight at each other. "I love you I have never loved anyone like I love you. Not Eddie and especially not Warrick. At one time I though Warrick and I could have something but that was long before I even dreamed you and I could have a chance."

"So why did you say the things you did to him, you seemed so upset."

"In a way I was, not because I want 'Rick but because it was a rather concrete ending to a chapter in my life."

"You lost me." Sara admitted scrunching her face up a little. Despite the seriousness of the situation Catherine smiled sometimes Sara was just to cute for words.

'_Hm who would have ever thought I'd see Sara Sidle as cute. But god she is cute and Sexy and my god even now I want her.' _

"I never felt like this n and to tell you the truth I never thought I would I thought that the way I feel about you was only in story books. Here we are though and I fall in love with you more with every passing second. It's all new to me since Eddie there has always been a slight 'What can they do for me?' eliment to my relationships. that's over though I'm here with you and never plan to be anywhere else and that threw me for a moment. You have to knew by now though that anyone but you is settling."

"I just want you to be happy." Sara told her pulling Catherine close placing her own head on Catherine's chest. "I want to be the one who makes you happy but if I'm not I love you enough to step aside."

"You are the only one who can make me happy. Jesus I smile at the thought of you. Shall I show you what being near you dose?" she didn't wait for a reply just popped the button on her jeans and pulled the zipper down. Working a little space she grabbed Sara's good hand slipping it into her panties.

Sara let out a strangled grown as her fingers slipped so easily in to her silky wet folds. Catherine was so wet and it blew Sara's mind to think that it was all her doing. This was every science geeks deepest fantasy right? Catherine really was her very own Cheerleader.

"For me?" Sara asked a touch of wonder in her voice.

"Only ever you." She panted out as Sara teased her opening with her fingers.

"God you're so bloody sexy you know that."

She was so amazing millions of times better here with her than any fantasy could ever conjure up. Stretched out above her skin slightly flushed eyes dark with her need Catherine really was the most beautiful thing Sara had ever seen. Sara realised in that moment she was lost. There was nothing she would not do for this woman and nothing she would deny her.

"I feel it right now like this with you. God Sar the thought of anyone else touching me makes me feel sick."

"The thought of someone else being inside you makes me feel sick too." Sara told her slipping two fingers inside her willing body. She watched in wonder as Catherine's eyes drifted shut and her head fell back Sara's name flowing gently of off her beautifully full lips. One simple flick on her clit with Sara's thumb and she collapsed in to Sara's arms panting out her realise.

"God Cath." Sara groaned pulling her tighter slipping her fingers out of her. "I may never be able to work with you ever again knowing that's going on."

"Tough." She mumbled contently in to Sara's chest.

**%%**

"So we ok?" Catherine stood in the door way to her bedroom watching Sara squirm around on the king sized bed trying to get comfortable. She had no idea what the future would hold for Sara as her hand healed. That was something very new to Catherine, she was used to being in control of every situation she found herself in. An unknown future was something she promised she would never befall her again, not after her life with Eddie. Some how this felt different though as long as they faced it together Catherine felt safe.

Catherine believed that the trouble would only begin if Sara shut her out. She didn't think that she could get through any of this with out Sara by her side, the need to have the younger woman close was some times over whelming.

"I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you helping Lind's become the beautiful woman your daughter will be. So yes were ok."

"God For some one who isn't good with there feelings you sure know what to say and when to say it."

"Like I told you once I just tell the truth."

"Ok though." She came to lay on the bed by Sara's side curling in to the younger woman. "We have to communicate better next time you feel like something's not right get me alone and talk to me tell me what's going on in here." Catherine took to fingers and gently tapped them on Sara's temple.

"I was just so scareI." Sara admitted wondering why she could face robbers murders and even blood sucking demons but telling Catherine what was bothering her brought her out in a could sweat. "it was like if I didn't know then it couldn't hurt me we could just carry on and I'd have you." Sara admitted.

"Baby never doubt you have me you always had and always will."

**%%**

"He did this." Nancy fumed leaving her seat to pace the room at large.

Catherine and Sara looked at each other they knew Nancy wasn't going to take the news that Sam had been responsible for Sara's injury well but at that moment they were both worried that she was going to have some sort of seizure.

"Yeah seems I'm not good enough for his little girl." Sara scowled her hand still hurt and thinking about Sam some how made it ache more.

"Your not going to let him get away with this are you?" Nancy asked but it was clear to Sara that this question was not for her. The question hung between the sisters for a moment as they locked eyes briefly, before Catherine looked away.

"What should I do Nance?" Catherine asked her sister. "What can I do? Tell me and I'll do it I'd do anything to keep Sara safe."

"I know." Nancy softened instantly pulling her big sister in to a hug holding her tight. Sam Braun really did have a lot to answer for he had been messing with her family for years and there never seemed anything that she or Catherine could do about it.

"I'm just going to have to wait him out." Sara sighed watching 'her' girls embrace. Why was it no matter where she went people got hurt if not physically then mentally.

"Your not in this alone Sar'" Nancy told her. "And really what type of plan is that." Nancy realised Catherine and laughed a little as she stepped away.

"Have a better one." Sara asked playing with a lose piece of thread on the bandage on her hand. "He wants me to stay away from Cath and I can't do that. I'm just a CSI though really not going up against Sam Braun and walking away again."

"We will think of something." Nancy was adamant.

"Good luck with that then." Sara said unenthusiastically.

"What does Aaron say."

"Well." Sara looked between Nancy and Catherine.

"We haven't told him yet." Catherine took over. "I for one am not looking forward to telling him that my dad did that to her."

"Cath this isn't your fault." Nancy told her.

"I keep telling her that. Keep trying to point out that Sam is responsible for his own actions. In my whole life I can only think of one person who I have never held responsible for there own action's and that's not Sam Braun."

Sara thought of Angel or more to the point Angelus one was never responsible for the others actions no matter how long or hard Angel punished himself. Sara knew she was one of the only members of the group who had forgiven Angel almost the moment they were aware of his return from hell. Sara knew what it felt like to feel like there was something evil inside you. She felt it every time she though of her parents.

'_Angel!'_ Sara felt stupid for not thinking of her old friend before this. There was nothing she could say or do to Sam that would have any affect of that she was sure that Angel could have an impact.

"Sara what are you smiling at."

"Might just have a better plan."

**%%**

"What's on your mind?" Sara asked adjusting her position on the couch so that Catherine was sitting in between her legs her back resting on Sara's chest. Snuggling back for a moment or two Catherine enjoyed the feeling of warmth that spread through her ignited by Sara's touch. Sara had been out of hospital for a couple of days now and Catherine was just happy to finally have her where she could take care of her. Not that it had been easy of course Sara had first insisted on going home and looking after her self. Catherine discovered that she was going to have to teach Sara that her love really was unconditional and being looked after was one of the perks of being in a loving relationship. Catherine was aware that a lot of it was to do with Sara's pride she never liked to look weak she guessed it had to do with the 'only the strong survive' attitude Sara seemed to have picked up in care.

"Why must there be something on my mind."

Catherine knew that she had been a little with drawn every now and again. She had been hoping that Sara would let it go a little longer but it seemed she was having no luck.

'_Well a little lucky.' _Catherine smiled to herself as Sara tightened her hold around her.

"I know you and I know when you're quite here with me and you have been a little distant. Is it my hand? Are you still worried?"

"Yeah I will be till it's fully healed. That's not it though."

"Talk to me."

The role reversal was not lost on either of them and Sara realised how frustrating it must be for Catherine sometimes when Sara seemed lost in her own head. All she wanted to do was help Catherine out with what ever it was but she realised that she was helpless till she knew what was wrong.

""When you go to talk to Grissum I think we should tell him about us."

"You want to tell him on his own."

Sara was puzzled she always guessed that it would be easier to talk to the team all at once. On the other hand Sara was aware that she didn't always give such things the proper though so if Catherine had it could only be good.

"Two things." Catherine entwined the fingers on Sara's good hand with her own before she continued. "first, if we plan on telling the others I don't think the brake room is the best place so that would then mean a social event and we all know Griss never goes to them. Second, there's the whole issue of any problems we might face at the lab I'd rather have Griss on side as soon as we can."

"Ecklie." Sara spat the name she hated that man.

"Well he dose seem to hate you."

"You think he could cause trouble."

Sara really hadn't been thinking that far ahead. She hadn't got much past _'Catherine good!' _for the past few weeks in fact it was becoming hard to solve cases that way. Let alone think to the future and think what their relationship might mean professionally.

"Stop it." Catherine smiled. "You'll give yourself a headache." Catherine could almost here the cogs turning in Sara's head and nothing good came when Sara had to mush time to think.

"Sorry." Sara smiled into Catherine's hair. "I just couldn't stand the thought of you getting in to trouble for being with me. I know how hard you worked to be where you are today."

"Yeah but Sar' take you out of the equation all I am is lonely."

"Never think of being lonely again Cath because I'm never letting go. What ever happens well stick together and see it through."

"Promise."

Sara smiled ruefully knowing that and doubts Catherine had were all down to the fact that all she had seen up to that point was Sara shutting down or turning away when times got tough.

"I promise."

**%%**

"Sara what are you doing here." Grissum asked looking up from the spider in his hand. "Sara and Catherine." He amended when he noticed the assistant supervisor hovering just behind Sara's shoulder.

"I." Sara started. "We." She continued with a grimace as Catherine dug her in the ribs. "Want to talk to you."

"Please sit." Grissum motioned to the seats on the other side desk. "What can I do for you."

"First thing you can do is put that away." Catherine motioned to the tarantula in Grissum's hands that thing still made her feel uneasy no matter how many times Grissum had tried to get her to hold it. Sara smiled Grissum's bugs never had bothered her but looking at her girlfriends posture she might have finally found something to flap the unflappable Catherine Willows. Sensing Sara's gaze Catherine tried to relax a little and smiled over at Sara with a nod telling her to go on.

"I want to come back to work." Sara stated boldly looking Grissum straight in the eyes as she said it.

Grissum studied her carefully for a moment. "Sara you have a very serious hand injury."

"I know but there has to be something that I can do here scribe runner any thing." Sara motioned round the lad with her good hand. "I'll go crazy sat at home all day and night."

"Sara you had what can only be described as a horrific injury."

"So you're saying no." Sara sighed feeling a little defeated. She looked to Catherine who took her uninjured hand in her own and interlaced their fingers and squeezed.

"Griss Sara has given this a lot of though and we have spoken about it together. While I can understand where you are coming from I think it will do Sara's progress the world of good to be around the lab. She's not lying when she says she's not doing to good being at home all day and night." Catherine Interjected. Sara was a nightmare when she was bored and she had been really bored these last couple of days. Catherine was beginning to think she had two teenage girls In the house. If Grissum was really saying no then she might just have to do a lot more over time till they could find something to occupy Sara's over active mind.

Grissum's intense stare stopped Catherine's internal musings for a moment, she wondered what was wrong. She ran her words through her head and _'We' _jumped out add to that the fact she was holding Sara's hand and Catherine really couldn't think of any more she could have done to let the cat out of the bag.

"We." Grissum arched an eyebrow taking in the two women in front of him. "Don't tell me you two stopped fighting long enough to become friends."

Catherine and Sara exchanged looks trust the emotionally inept Grissum not to see the blatantly obvious.

"We're a lot more than friends." Catherine told him and they waited.

"Oh." Grissum leant back in his chair taking in this new information. He wished they would spell it out for him he really on wasn't all that good at personal relationships. What were they telling him: were they best friends or more? On _'No' _Grissum shook his head they were to different to be together that he was sure of. His eyes though were drawn to there joined hands and he couldn't help but notice the way that Catherine's fingers caressed Sara's knuckles.

Noting Grissum's confusion Sara spoke. "We've been together seven and a half weeks Griss."

"Together as in dating." Grissum asked pointedly

"As in she gives the best orgasms ever." Catherine smirked she liked having Grissum a little of centre as he normally always never reacted to anything.

"Cath!" Sara chastised the older woman squeezing her hand.

Leaning further in his seat Grissum shut his eyes some things he never needed to know. Having taken a moment to regain his composure Grissum sat forward and stared at the two woman choosing to ignore Catherine's comment. "I can't even start to digest this right now." He told them.

"You have a problem with us being together." Catherine wanted to know.

"I just never guessed that the two of you could ever even be friends the way you were around each other and now out of nowhere you tell be your in a relationship."

"It's not out of no where in a way every fight we ever had brought us here." Catherine told him and Sara continued.

"We just had to work out in our own heads that we could be together."

"All along you to have had these feelings."

"For as long as I've known her." Sara told him smiling at Catherine.

Grissum noted the look on Sara's face and realised in all the time he had known Aaron and Sara he had never seen her that happy. Was it possible that the ball of energetic trouble that was Sara sidle could really be happy and in love. Even though it was something he was sure he would never see the evidence never lied and he had all the evidence he needed.

"I've not singed off on any of Sara's cases and I've ducked her reports and evaluations. I'm not her direct supervisor so I really hope this won't be a problem Griss. We've been friends a long time and I know you've know Sara a while so I hope we can work this out."

Grissum took a moment before he replied. "We have been friends for a while and I see nothing to change that." He smiled. "You have done nothing in the last seven weeks to make me think that there will be a problem."

"I hear a but." Sara Commented.

"Well." He looked directly at Sara. "We all know for what ever reason you're not Conrad's favourite CSI. He may well want to cause you problems but I will do what I can."

"Might help of you didn't bait him so." Catherine pointed out to a suddenly sullen Sara.

"I don't always bait him." Sara pouted.

"Catherine's right so stay of off his radar." Grissum added. "So with that in mind I'm going to set two conditions for you coming back to work early."

"They are." Sara pouted even more.

"Talk to the departmental psychologist, then talk to Brass. He and Sofia are hell bent on catching how ever attacked you, they had Warrick work the scene but they have nothing. Talk to him set the record straight and we can see what there is for you to do around here."

Sara fumed silently to herself. There was no way either ultimatum sat well with her. She had spoken to enough shrinks in her life time to know that she really didn't like them and that they were not use to her. Then she had to talk to Brass there was no way she wanted either him or Sofia getting involved with Sam.

Looking over at Catherine she realised she had no choice in the matter and she hung her head resigned to her fate.

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**Hope you enjoyed thanks for reading =)**

**Please make my day and review they are food for my soul!**


	35. Swallowed Pride

**Please don't adjust your screens it's really an up date from me. I could list a million reasons why it has taken me so long to get this out but that would just waste more time i just hope there is some one still wanting to read this. **

**There are a couple more chapters nearly ready to go so it will be no where near as long next time. **

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"I'm getting tired of asking this." Aaron sighed looking over at his sister. There was a time when she would have willingly told him any thing but these last few weeks it had been like getting blood out of a stone.

"Stop asking then." Sara snapped and regretted it instantly she hated not being able to talk to Aaron he had always been the one she spoke to and in truth she needed her big brother right now. She knew him though knew his temper when it came to matters to do with her, there would be no way he would let this drop and the last thing she needed was for her brother to get hurt too.

"If the new attitude is all part of dating Catherine I'm not sure I like it." Aaron told her his sister having someone else to confide in was one thing his sister shutting him out of her life he wasn't going to let happen. They had seen to much together for him to let it slip now. "Look Sar' I only want to protect you if someone wants to hurt you then I want to know."

"I know you want to protect me." Sara smiled going to sit next to Aaron. She was mightily relieved when he placed his arm around her and pulled her close. "I just want to protect you too and that's why I can't tell you."

"Fine I'll go talk to Catherine then." Aaron told her sitting straight up dropping his arm to his side. He really would do whatever it took to get to the bottom of this.

"NO! Leave Cath out of this she feels bad enough as it is." Sara stopped abruptly almost clamping her hands over her mouth in comical style. She had said too much and she knew Aaron would pick up on it in a flash.

"What does Catherine have to feel bad about?" Aaron turned to closer scrutinise his sister.

'_Damm!' _Sara mentally slapped herself up side the head. He would not let this go now and if she didn't tell him then she knew that he would pester Catherine till she gave in and since Catherine was still hell bent on blaming herself for what happened Sara wasn't so sure that would be a good idea.

"Nothing really and I keep telling her that but she won't listen."

"Well I know for sure Catherine didn't stab you she was at the lab that day sulking because 'Rick got married."

"She wasn't sulking." Sara cut in defending her girlfriend.

"Could have fooled me." Aaron snorted his disbelief. "So that leaves some one whose actions Catherine could feel responsible for." Aaron pondered this fact for a moment.

Sara got up and moved away waiting for the explosion that she knew would come when he had worked it out.

"SAM BLOODY BRAUN!" Aaron's temper flared as he came to the only conclusion that made sense. Sam 'I own Vegas' Braun had hurt his sister and one way or another he was going to pay.

Sara didn't need to answer for Aaron to know he was right the look in her eyes told him every thing. "Why wouldn't you tell me?" Aaron asked breathing raggedly through his nose trying not to lose his temper with Sara. She had told him once that he looked like Dad when he was mad at her and it scared the both of them.

"Because I knew you would react like this and then go do something silly. Aaron he's dangerous and he wouldn't think twice about hurting you too."

"I can take care of my self Sara, and no one hurts my baby sister."

"I'm not a baby Aaron I'm a grown up who can sort out her own problems."

"Really." Aaron shot back. "Then why the hell do you always need patching up."

"Sorry I've been holding you back I'll remember to not to need you from now on." Sara told him turning to leave.

"Don't go." Aaron shot up from the sofa and went to put his hand on Sara's shoulder holding her back. He wasn't mad at her and he knew that if he let her leave it would be weeks maybe months if they ever spoke again. "I know you're not a baby but you're my baby sister and I can't stop wanting to protect you."

"I know." Sara sighed turning into his embrace letting him take her weight as she burst in to tears. She had been holding in all her emotions and fears since that day in the warehouse not wanting to upset Catherine any more than she was already upset. It felt so good to let go and she knew there was probably no where safer to do it.

"It's ok I got you you're safe now." Aaron stroked her hair gently guiding them both to the floor letting her get it out of her system. "Feeling better?" He asked her after a while when her sobbed slowed to gentle sniffing and the occasional hiccup.

Sara nodded and then stiffened in his embrace. "Aaron what are Nancy's earrings doing on your bookcase?" Sara asked after pulling herself out of her brother's embrace, she stood and moved over to the bookcase. Sure enough there in front of a picture of Aaron and herself was a pair of Nancy's earrings. She may never have noticed them as Nancy's if she herself had not brought then for Catherine's sister the same time she had brought Catherine's ring. _'A ring still stuck in your locker gathering dust.' _She reminded her self.

"They're Nancy's?" Aaron tried to fane surprise trying to meet her gaze and failing dismally. They never could lie to each other.

Sara smiled at him. If the terrible attempt at surprise was not a massive giveaway then the cute blush was. There was also his telltale sign of running his hand through the hair on the back of his head when he was nervous.

"You and Nance. I'm hurt…." Sara started before Aaron cut in.

"Look neither of us wanted to hurt you I know you two are close." Aaron moved up close to Sara again.

"…That you didn't tell me before. Sara continued. You're my brother and she's my best friend well more than that really we are as close as it gets or I thought we were. What? You thought I'd complain? That does hurt a little."

"We didn't know how you would react and it's still pretty new even to us. We were going to tell you I promise."

"I'll get over it." Sara sighed as Aaron wrapped his arms around her. from behind.

Aaron gazed at the photo of the two of them. "Do you sometimes wish we could just go back to that time?"

"First in Sunnydale with mum and dad and Cassie you were there and for the first time ever I think I felt safe, and loved by someone other than you. Yeah sometimes, sometimes I miss it being just you and me. It's so complicated sometimes having to be a grown up."

"Tell me about it sis." Aaron chuckled. "I haven't forgotten you know." Aaron pointed out after a moment.

"Can't I just ask you to leave it alone?"

"Sar' he hurt you he has to know that he can't get away with that."

"He'll hurt you too."

"I can't let him get away with it. I wouldn't be much of a brother if I did. I can't let someone hurt you and I can't let someone else look out for you."

'_Well that blows the thought of telling him about Angel then!'_

"You look tired." Catherine whispered into Sara's hair as she came to sit behind her lover. She took a deep breath inhaling the lingering scent of watermelon shampoo on Sara's hair.

"I'm worried about Aaron." Sara admitted leaning her head back so that it was lying in the crook of Catherine's neck.

"What happened today you have been pretty quite since you got back from his place?" Catherine asked. She had learnt to take her time with Sara. Sara needed time to formulate her own thoughts before she was ever ready to share.

"We had a fight." Sara told her lover shutting her eyes, she was so tired of life being a struggle. If it wasn't for Catherine and Lindsey she knew she would have given in to the stress a long time ago.

"You to will make it up you always do you just can't stay mad at each other." Catherine tried to reassure her.

"We made it up straight away."

"Well what's wrong then?"

"I had to tell him what happened."

Sara felt Catherine tense up and pull away and Sara willed her weary body into action. Turning she knelt spreading her legs a little so she could pull Catherine close to her.

"Sara." There was real anger in Catherine's voice and it stopped Sara's movements in there tracks.

"Cath?" Sara asked questionably.

"Don't do that don't look all innocent and pretend like you don't know what you have done. If you were going to tell Aaron you should have told me, hell I wanted to be there when you told him."

"What because he's going to hate you for what happened right going to blame you for not looking after me like he told you too."

"Something like that."

"God." Sara groaned getting off the bed. "What is it with all of you Aaron, Brass, Sofia even you treating me like I'm still some child." Sara turned to face Catherine folding her arms across her chest. "I hate that you all still see me as the same kid who came here. None of you trust me to be able to look after my self I'm not even allowed to make my own decisions. What is it like for you Cath do you look at me and think wow I have two kids to look after?" Sara could feel her own anger rising.

"Sara." Catherine sighed rising from the bed to stand in front of Sara placing her hands on her lover's forearms. She had been so worried Aaron would decide that he didn't like the idea of them dating if he knew what happened she had forgotten that the only important people in all of this were Sara and herself. "Forgive me." Catherine pleaded gently squeezing Sara's arms. "I haven't meant to make you feel like a child. When I look at you the last thing I think is that I have two children. Baby when I look at you I realise there was a reason I didn't just give up and die after Eddie and I split up. I just want us to work, want us to be happy I see every thing as a hurdle at the moment I just want Aaron to be on our side. My sister loves you and I want your brother to at least like me."

Sara relaxed feeling the tension of the moment draining away, letting Catherine pull her in to a hug. She had to admit she had over reacted just a little but she too just wanted their relationship to work.

"My brother does like you." Sara told her kissing Catherine's head. "It seems though that he likes your sister more." Sara added playfully.

"Huh." Catherine pulled away looking at Sara.

"Well it seems that all those times they looked after Lind's together they bonded a lot."

"Oh!" Catherine thought about this for a moment. "OH!" She laughed at Sara suggestively raised her eyebrows "They're together." Catherine smiled she actually liked that idea she could only think of one person better for her sister, thing was she had no plans of letting go of Sara so Aaron would do just nicely.

"Yeah I don't think they wanted us to know just yet but I'm a good CSI." Sara joked.

"They think well complain." Catherine thought that would be a little hypercritical for her and Sara to say anything about anyone else's love life. She made a mental note to talk to here sister about this. Well as soon as she had teased her a little.

"I have no clue I think they are both a little worried that I'll think the other is stepping on my toes."

"Your brother and your best friend." Catherine paused reflectively. "It will make things a bit weird at times."

"Aaron dated our foster sister in his sophomore year nothing he does can seem wierd to me after that."

"Oh, Nothing I can say to that." Catherine laughed. "Come to bed." She held her hand out to Sara it was more of a gentle command that a question. "I want to show you just how grown up I think you are."

"Your hand is healing well!" Dr White said patiently taking the bandages from Sara's injured hand.

Sara looked down as her hand emerged from the bandage and doubted the Dr's words. To her it looked terrible so much so she wanted to cry. Sensing her unease Catherine linked hands with Sara offering her silent support.

"I would like an x-ray to see how well the bones have healed and if it all looks ok then I think we can start building you hand up." Dr White informed the two women.

"So I get an X-ray and then what, I mean when can I get back to work?" Sara looked directly at the Dr

"Sara." Dr White sighed and instantly Sara feared the worse it was never good when the Dr's started to sigh. "I think you need to realise just what happened to your hand. Getting a full range of movement back is a long shot I'm happy that you still have feeling in the tips of your fingers and thumb."

"Well I'm glad you're happy with that but I'm not." Sara told him standing up. There was no way she could spend the rest of her life not using her hand there was just to much left to do. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks even before she noticed that they had formed.

"Baby." Catherine was on her feet and pulling Sara in to her arms before the first tear dripped on to the light blue material of Sara's shirt.

Sara pushed Catherine away turning to the Dr. She was not sure who she was mad at herself for letting her emotions slip like that, the Dr for not telling her what she really wanted to hear or Catherine at this very moment for being Sam's daughter.

"Can we just get these X-rays over with so that I can get out of here?" Sara asked standing by the door. She had carefully reigned her emotions in and now just wanted to get on with things.

"Of course." Dr White smiled. "Why don't you two go take a seat in the waiting room and someone will come get you when were ready.

"Sar talk to me." Catherine pleaded squeezing Sara's leg desperate to get some sort of reaction out of the younger woman.

"Why what can I say that you don't know."

"Well for one thing I have no clue what you're feeling right now so that could be a good place to start."

"How do you think I'm feeling Cath really? You know I've been thinking that a few weeks of therapy and I could get back to work. Now someone tells me that I should just be happy to feel my fingers." Sara struggled to keep her voice even.

"You hate me right now don't you?" Catherine realised shocked at what Sara had said. She stood so she could look at her.

"Cath no." Sara told her girlfriend rising also, holding her hand out to touch Catherine's cheek but the blond evaded the movement.

"I think you do or at least you did there for a second you looked at me and saw Sam and you didn't like that." Catherine challenged.

Sara looked away ashamed to have been called up on her fleeting feeling she felt she had no control over. It wasn't till she heard the pain in Catherine's next statement that she looked up.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?"

"No never please." Sara's plea was desperate and she stepped closer to Catherine placing gentle fingers on cool pale skin. "I don't think I could do this if you weren't here Cath I need you." Sara's tone was light almost a whisper and Catherine strained to hear there was no doubting the next words though as Sara leant forward leaning in to Catherine placing her lips just over Catherine's ear her warm breath was like a caress to Catherine and she tried but failed to repress the shudder that ran through her.

"I love you please stay."

"Talk to me then." Catherine implored leading Sara to a more secluded part of the room.

Sara tried to explain how she was feeling at that moment. "I'm angry really very angry right now all I want is my hand back working and free of pain but no I need more x-rays and more poking and weeks till I can come back to work and all because your dad doesn't like me."

"You see him in me."

Sara shook her head "No but for 30 seconds in there I remembered you were the daughter of the man that did this and it hurt That feeling has gone and now I'm more mad at myself for being that weak than I am at you for anything."

"You're not weak. You Sara Sidle are one of the strongest people I know. I don't blame you for thinking like that. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't look at the mirror and see Sam and know what he did to you. Do you know what I think sometimes too?"

"No tell me."

"I sometimes wonder when we're alone and you role away from me if you only stayed to piss Sam off."

"You really think that of me Cath. When did you opinion of me get so low. I really thought that you knew I loved you and there was no thought of staying because there was never a thought of leaving I got hurt and I needed you I still need you I know I'm grumpy and bad tempered but I'm hurting right now and I'm trying I'm really trying and I thought at least you might understand that."

"Do you think I ever wanted to think like that?" Catherine asked with self loathing in her voice. "I felt sick the moment I let it enter my head but now it's there and keeps coming back to haunt me."

"Cath look at me." Sara pleaded moving closer to Catherine so that there was barely any room between them. "Has this got anything to do with the fact that you think I'm keeping you in the dark after I said that I had an idea on how to handle Sam."

"Sar' I don't think you're keeping me in the dark I know you are." Catherine sighed deeply. "You say you have an idea and then you stone wall me. How do you think that makes me feel when I bet you told Nance and I can be pretty sure that Aaron knows now? What is that meant to lead me to believe?"

"That I keeping you in the dark because I think you'll talk to Sam."

"See."

"Cath that's a brilliant theory really but it had no basis in truth. You think I went talking to Nance behind you back and that I ran and told Az the first moment I got. Truth is I can't talk to any of you about it. Well ok maybe I could talk to Az but he'd just freak and then get far to macho and that's the last thing I need. So no one knows and not because I don't trust any of you but because I was trusted."

"What?" Catherine asked confused.

"It's not all mine to tell some of it I could I'm sure but most of it no Cath some things are better left in the dark."

"Sara what can possibly be worse that you told me about your childhood?"

"A lot and one day I'll tell you it all but I need you to trust that I love you for you and not as a tool in some game with Sam and let me do this."

"I told myself that after Eddie I would never let myself be in a situation where my partner wasn't a 100% honest with me." Catherine looked closely at Sara.

"Well then it seems we have a problem. You will just have to believe in me and trust that I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you and Lind's. Trust that one day when the time is right I will tell you everything that you need to know."

"Or?" Catherine didn't want to think of the possible answers to the question but could not stop herself from asking.

"Well, we say that we gave it a good try but this just didn't work out." Sara choked on the last few words. The last thing she ever wanted was to lose Catherine. She was at the point in her life where she doubted she would make it through the day without the blond.

"Well Sidle looks like I'm going to have to break that vow I made to my self because losing you is no option."

"Good." Sara smiled "Now let's get my hand x-rayed and get out of here."

All the air left Catherine's lungs with a whoosh as her back connected solidly with the wall of the hall. She took a sharp breath as Sara's fevered lips make contacted with her wildly hammering pulse point.

"Sar lets slow this down a little." Catherine murmured against Sara's lips. They had just gotten the protective wrapping off of Sara's hand there was no way that she was going to risk the use of Sara's hand not even for mind blowing sex.

"Cath what's wrong baby." Sara asked pulling back a little looking down in to blue orbs.

"Nothing is wrong baby I just want to rehabilitate your hand properly slowly like the Dr's said."

"I don't want to rehabilitate my hand slowly I want to make love to my girlfriend Cath now please let go and let yourself enjoy the moment."

"Enjoy the moment." Catherine huffed placing her hand on Sara's wrist and pulling it from her panties.

"How can I enjoy the moment when I know that you will probably lose all feeling in you hand if I let you do this."

"My hand my choice." Sara informed Catherine through gritted teeth stalking of down the hall.

"Sar', Sara." Catherine called after the retreating form of her now angry girlfriend. Catherine found Sara sat on the end of the bed arms crossed over her chest a pout fixed on her face. Catherine was sure the moment she saw tears in Sara's eyes that laughing at her was not the best idea she had ever had but she just couldn't help herself she doubled over holding her sides.

"Cath!" Sara pouted harder as her girlfriend laughed at her.

"Sorry…" Catherine's words were punctuated with laughter. "Just… you… look… like… Lind's… when… she… was… ten."

Against her will the corner of Sara's mouth turned up in to a small smile. She was well aware that at times she could be childish, but she was also amazed to see Catherine laugh like this. The laughter had been there in the last few weeks but it hadn't been as heart felt as this.

"I do not pout like Lindsey." Sara pointed out not able to keep her voice as hard as she had wanted. Spotting that Sara was softening a little Catherine stepped closer to her.

"No I said you pouted like Lindsey when she was ten she has all but grown out of it now." Catherine smiled taking another step. When Sara made no attempt to move Catherine straddled her lap placing a kiss on her forehead.

"I'm sorry I blew up like that."

"I'm sorry I seemed to offend you."

"I just want to make love to you Cath properly without us worrying that my hand will get hurt."

"Sara I plan on spending the rest of my life with you so the way I see it is we have forever to make love. You though only get this one chance to make sure your hand heals right."

"I just get frustrated that I'm no longer in control of my life it's in the hands of Dr's and Sam."

"Sam?" Catherine cocked her head to one side inquiringly.

"Yeah I feel like till he gets the message that we're here together no matter what we're living in his shadow. Let's face it here in Vegas it's a big shadow."

"Were living for us and yes the Dr's get a big say right now but Sam no he will get the picture I have a feeling you'll make him. So Sidle shut up stop thinking so much and kiss me."

"Well well this is a nice surprise." As the sarcastic tone from the other end of the phone reached Aaron's ears he gritted his teeth and flared his nostrils.

"Now now don't flare you nostrils at me you called remember." There was amusement in the voice.

"Yeah and you are never going to let me forget that are you." Aaron was beginning to feel annoyed.

"No." Angel laughing outright this time from the other end of the phone annoyed Aaron even more. "And I'm going to have a long time to hold you to this."

"Look will you help or not."

"Should I tell you that Sara and I have spoken and I was on my way?"

"I guessed she had, she seemed too confident that she could handle this on her own I knew either you or Buffy were involved."

"Yeah and it seems you don't trust your sister to take care of this."

"Oh I know that when she puts her mind to it that she can do most things. I just need in on this. Look you may be an immortal jack arse but I need to look after my sister."

"Jack arse now that's not nice." Angel laughed once more.

"You killed people you even nearly killed Sara." Aaron didn't like to think about it. "She may be over it thinks your all trust worthy. I will never trust you not around my sister so unless your want me to tie your arse to my car and drive you through town at midday you'll let me in on this."

"You could try." Angel kept his tone even.

"Yeah I could."

"No need to be so dramatic I'll call you when I get in."

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	36. Angel

**Back again hope this hasn't been to long and worth the wait. **

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"Sara Sidle you are up to something and I'm not moving from this house till you tell me what it is!" Catherine stood in front of Sara staring directly at her.

"How am I up to something, all I want to do is take you out to lunch on your day off? I haven't been able to do much for you lately." Sara pouted a little holding up her damaged hand.

"Lunch is fine and you know I said I would love to go with you but." Catherine paused taking a step closer to her lover so she could jab her in the chest with her finger. "You are up to something why else would you want to take me to the Ramparts one of Sam's Casinos?"

Sara contemplated lying and saying she had forgotten that Sam owned it but she knew there was no way Catherine was going to believe that it sounded lame enough just thinking it.

"Is it so bad to want to show him that he hasn't scared me off?"

"I could phone my mom and tell her that. Why would you be so keen to annoy Sam unless you were up to something? So I ask again what are you up too?"

"About here." Sara held her hand up to her head indicating where here temper was rising to. "So unless you want me to lose it get in the car so we can have lunch."

"Uh! You annoy the hell out of me." Catherine groaned picking up her purse and slipping in to her jacket before heading out the door.

"Ditto." Sara told her following her out of the door and heading to the car.

%%

"This must be hard for you." Angel stated staring Aaron straight in the eye.

"Like you have no idea." Aaron did not break eye contact with Angel. "I'll live though this for Sara. I know, like you or not that you care for her too and again like it or not you have ways of helping in this situation that I can't."

"Well, no more said we're here for Sara end of discussion."

"Right." Aaron nodded in agreement.

"So you want to fill me in on the situation. I'll hear it from Sara but she can gloss over things when she wants to."

"Can't she just." Aaron smiled. He hated the fact that being with Angel was so easy you sometimes forgot he could be a cold blooded killer.

"So?"

"Long story short." Aaron sighed "Catherine's dad doesn't like Sara."

"So he stabbed her?"

"Oh no, not Sam." Aaron shook his head. "He would never get his hands dirty. No it would have been one of his heavies but Sam would have been there making his point because that's what he does."

"He likes himself!" It was a statement rather than a question. Angel had met people like that before.

"Sam owns Vegas near enough. He's what they call old Vegas mob like you must remember the times?" Aaron tried a cheap dig at Angel.

"Never did the whole Vegas thing though looking back maybe I should have, the city only seems to come alive at night."

"God I'm not talking about your hunting patterns." Aaron sighed in exasperation.

"I'm a good boy these days you know that."

"You drink blood how does that make you a good boy?" Aaron's tone was mocking he hated Angel and everything that he stood for. He was a symbol of everything that made Sara's life dangerous.

"Look do you want to discuss my eating habits or shall we workout what we're going to do to help Sara?"

"Well I for one have no wish to talk blood."

"Good now let's get to work."

%%

"That wasn't so bad." Sara tried to smile but in light of the look on Catherine's face she thought better of it. Some times the car felt so small and Sara wondered why they had so many conversations in it. Really wouldn't it make more sense to go inside? _'On the other hand'_ Sara thought to her self. _'There were more things Catherine could throw in side.'_

"Not so bad!" Catherine bit out between gritted teeth. "I had to sit through the whole meal with you and Sam glaring at each other. Do you think it was coincidence that he turned up about five minuets after we did?"

"No of course I don't he knew we were there and it was his little way of telling us he has eyes every where."

"Yes so I asked you once again what your up too." Catherine turned so she could face Sara better.

"Cath." Sara reached out her hand to touch her girlfriends face but let it fall to her side as Catherine batted it away.

"Don't 'Cath' me. I was the one who had to sit next to your bed while you were passed out from blood loss after my father stabbed you. I'm the one who had to tell Lind's that you were in hospital again. What do you think I'm going to tell my daughter when you turn up in the desert with a GSW to the back of your head? All because you wanted to play the big I am with Sam."

Sara turned her attention to the front of the house holding onto the steering wheel more for something to do with her hands than out of any real need. She was just contemplating her answer when she noticed a slight movement from inside the house. She realised that Catherine was too busy glaring at her waiting for a response to have noticed it. One thing Sara realised, monster hunting gave you keener senses.

"Hold that though and wait here." Sara told her reaching in to the glove box and pulling out her personal weapon.

"Sar?" Catherine asked both curiosity and concern evident in her voice.

"Wait here!" Sara reiterated her previous statement before getting out of the car, quietly shutting the door and heading down the drive.

%%

"A gun really Sidle what you going to do tickle me with it?" A voice spoke from directly behind her as she stepped through the door.

Arms tightened from behind her and squeezed a little till she pulled back an elbow connecting solidly with ribs.

"Ow!" the voice complained a little dumping her unceremoniously on the floor.

"Angel." Sara huffed out as she landed in a heap.

"Sara." Angel mock whined rubbing his ribs.

"Oh like I hurt you." Sara shook her head pulling her self up.

"Could have." He pointed out with a smile.

"You're a 251 year old wimp."

"I'm a wimp." Angel chuckled "Since when did you need a gun."

"If people break into my house when my girlfriend's in the car with Me., it might take a bit of explaining if I pulled out the stake I keep under the seat." Sara paused for a moment as Aaron stepped down the last few stairs where he had been waiting and into view.

"Ok what the hell is going on?" Sara asked looking from Angel to Aaron. "Well some one better start talking." Sara said after a moment when no one had answered her. "I may not be able to hurt you." Sara said glaring at Angel. "But you I can." She turned to look at her brother.

Aaron was unable to meet her eyes, he was sure that she was going to be so very mad with him when she realised what he had done. He looked down at his feet moving his weight from one foot to the other as he waited for her to make the connection.

"Ok you I get." Sara told Angel. "I called you here though why you feel the need to break in I don't know."

"We didn't break in." Angel told her enjoying the thought of causing trouble between the siblings.

"Then how the hell did you get in!" Sara asked looking directly at Aaron this time she knew that what ever was going on was something to do with Aaron he just looked too guilty.

"We had a key." Aaron told her.

"No, I know for sure you don't have a key to this place."

"Nance does." Aaron pointed out.

"You stole it." Sara was indignant.

"We borrowed it ." Aaron smiled a little then realised it was a big mistake as Sara's face darkened.

"So you STOLE! Nance's key then sneak in here for what?" Sara asked squaring up to her brother. Sometimes Aaron was just to annoying for words. Angel and Aaron just stared at her as the last of the pieces feel into place. "You're trying to find something on Sam here!" Sara found herself getting madder by the moment. "What the hell do you think you were doing going through Catherine's private things Aaron I could kill you?"

"Me!" Aaron asked "What about him you really think this was all my idea."

"No." Sara said after a moment she knew all to well that when Angel got an idea in to his undead head then it was impossible to talk him out of it. It was hard enough for her so Aaron would have found it even harder since all the two of them seemed to do was butt heads.

"What did you think you would find?" Sara had to ask.

"Who knows?" Angel shrugged "Had to start somewhere."

"Please don't hate me." Aaron moved down the stairs to stand closer to his sister hope in his eyes.

"I don't," Sara sighed. "Just get out of here I left Cath in the car. I'm going to get her. You really shouldn't be here Az I can't explain that away. And you put those away." Sara motioned to Angel whose fangs were on display.

%%

"So we're not being robbed?" Catherine asked as Sara took her by the hand leading her in to the house.

"No we're not." Sara smiled at her lover. "It's a friend of mine he just never has learnt to wait outside or call ahead."

"The way you took off it was as if you were expecting the bogeyman to be in here."

"The Bogeyman." Angel laughed from the middle of the living room. "Really Sidle."

"Not the Bogeyman just his alter ego." Sara shot at Angel who conceded the point with a small smile and a shrug.

"So Sidle are you going to introduce us?"

"Yeah Sar' who's your friend?" Catherine put just enough emphasis on the word friend to earn a look from Sara which the older woman ignored holding her hand out to Angel for him to take. Sara just rolled her eyes _'why did woman always fall over him so he was tall dark and relatively handsome if you liked that sort of thing and he can wear a coat well.' _ Sara sighed _'He's not all that and he's dead!'_

"Catherine Willow's MY girlfriend."

Angel didn't miss the emphasis on the word my and smiled a little kissing Catherine's hand.

"Meet Angel an OLD friend from Sunnydale."

"My pleasure." Catherine smiled stepping back next to Sara. Smiling at her girlfriend liking that she could make Sara a little crazy in somewhere other than the bedroom. _'Or the hall or the bathroom or the stairs or the…' _She smirked to her self as the list went on and on.

%%

After a while listening to Sara and Angel catch up and tell her a few stories of their past together Catherine decided to make some coffee and head upstairs. She could tell that there was something Sara wanted to say to this man that found himself in their home and it seemed that whatever it was Sara felt that she could not say in front of her.

Excusing herself Catherine headed to shower and rest before work having the night off was nice but it was easy to mess up an already delicate sleeping pattern. As she took the stairs a couple at a time eager to reach the relaxing pulse of a shower Catherine pondered when she had started to think of her home as her and Sara's and more to the point why the hell didn't it scare her.

She decided the latter was probably due to the fact that Sara never seemed to feel the need to go home and slowly but surely more and more of the brunettes belongings seem to find their way to her house. It wasn't like they ever talked about it and it was nothing written in stone which she realised was what she loved. There were no rules they had to follow they just did what felt right for the three of them and it wasn't forced rushed or the least bit scary it was safe and for the first time Catherine realised that this was really what coming home felt like.

%%

"So the Mrs doesn't know what you do in your spare time?" Angel smiled looking at Sara intensely.

"What's that look about I don't like it."

"You whipped."

"I am not!" Sara protested standing knowing full well her was right she'd been thinking the same thing for a while. Faith had been right when she was in town Sara had lost her edge. Point proven by the now healing hole in her hand. It wasn't like she needed that edge these days her efforts were turned in a different direction when it came to fighting the good fight. She made paper work that could be difficult disappear she took care of unwanted evidence and generally made the unbelievable look creditable. That was its own battle hell she felt like a double agent at times she was never quite what the others thought.

"I didn't say it was a bad thing." Angel pointed out standing next to her looking at a picture of Catherine Sara and Lindsey on a beach. "A family looks good on you and that brings the big question what am I doing here?"

"Let's not pretend that Az hasn't told you everything. What is it with you two, well with him anyway he can't normally be in the same room as you and now you're working together"

"It would seem that he loves you more than he hates me."

"Wow he must really love me then." Sara mused because she was well aware of just how strong her brother's feelings towards Angel were.

"Anyway I want to hear this from you." Angel brought Sara's thoughts back into focus.

"I have a problem." Sara admitted some how she never felt weak admitting things like that to him maybe it was something to do with the fact that he was an immortal being she couldn't seem much weaker to him than any other human.

"Well I guessed that when you phoned saying 'Angel I have a problem.'"

"Smart arse are you going to let me finish."

Angel held his hands up in surrender and Sara held her hand up showing him the bandaged appendage.

"What happened?" Angel asked his eyes darkening menacingly and Sara worried for a moment he was going to vamp out. For her plan to work Catherine couldn't find out about Angel not just yet any way.

"Catherine's Father did it."

"And you let him?" Angel asked.

"What am I meant to do he's my girlfriend's dad and one of the biggest men in Vegas? If I went against him it would be suicide" Sara stated agitated with the situation she found her self in.

"And is that where I come in?"

"Yeah well you have different persuasive powers." Sara pointed out.

%%

"Where's Angel?" Catherine asked coming down the stairs to find Sara alone flicking through the cable channels. It still amazed her sometimes all those channels and there was hardly anything on most of the time. The money she could save just cutting the plug on cable. Then again how would they keep Lindsey entertained when they wanted to be 'alone' if there was no MTV?

"He had to do something." Sara replied absently still flicking through the channels. Catherine came to stand between Sara and the T.V and for a moment Sara thought about being really petulant and just shifting till she could see around her lover. Looking up though Sara changed her mind Catherine was still damp from her shower hair tussled around her shoulders blue eyes looking pleadingly down at her. Sara was well aware of the fact that she was still in the dog house over her lunch stunt all she hoped was Catherine wouldn't kill her when Angel could be back any moment.

Sara slipped forward on the sofa placing her hands on Catherine's hips and gently pulling the smaller woman closer. Once Catherine was close enough Sara laid her head on Catherine's midriff running her nose lightly over soft creamy skin marvelling at the scent Vanilla Jasmine and Catherine all rolled in to one.

Catherine let her hand wander to Sara's hair. It was one of the things she loved about Sara most it was always so soft so inviting. Catherine always found her self wanting to sink her fingers in to it. She also liked the little sound Sara made in the back of her throat when she massaged her scalp.

"Keep that up and I'll fall asleep here." Sara muffled voice pointed out.

"That won't do at all." Catherine told her pulling away a little "We need to talk." At Sara's little sound of protest Catherine pushed her back on the sofa and sat on her lap holding her in place. "Didn't say you couldn't hold me though."

"So what do you want to talk about?" Sara asked there was a lot really. She knew there was the whole Sam thing still hanging over their heads and she felt bad for not letting Catherine in on her plan. For it to work though Catherine couldn't know about Vampires or Sam would have a way out because if push came to shove Catherine too had to believe that her Father was insane. Sara was all to aware that Catherine hated the gun ho approach Sara some times took over things that was evident after the fight about lunch. The list went on there always seemed to be something that they needed to tackle.

"You and coming back to work."

"Oh." Sara was surprised and there was no hiding it that hadn't been on any of the top five things she thought Catherine might have wanted to talk about. Sara was at a sticking point over returning to work. Grissom had laid out his rules to coming back to the lab and Sara was finding it difficult to fulfil them.

"Not what you were expecting." Catherine smirked she liked keeping Sara on her toes. "You have only done about a quarter of what Griss asked you to do before you come back to work."

"To be fair I've been to talk to the shrink." Sara pointed out half heartedly. In truth she had made an excuse to leave and dodged making another appointment for nearly two weeks.

"Did that sound as lame to you as it did to me?" Catherine asked.

"Yeah it did." Sara admitted.

"I don't want to push you Sar, I know how hard you find it to talk to me at times and you must have seen your fair share of psychologists in your life. Griss isn't going to back down on this though he needs to know that you're in the right frame of mind to be around the lab after what happened."

"I can't talk to him Cath. They're never interested in what's going on now they all want to talk about Mon dad and Aaron. Aaron and I have dealt with that and moved on best we can if I have to keep reliving it then I'll never be able to be here in the present with you and Lind's and that's all I want."

"Is it making you that unhappy? I noticed you withdrawing a bit I wanted to give you some time to adjust to what was going on. We can't move on though if you feel like this." Catherine gently touched Sara's face.

"I know, so what are we going to do? I get where Griss is coming from but I don't need a shrink poking around Cath, we'll deal with what happened."

"Will we?" Catherine looked directly into Sara's eyes.

"What does that mean?" Sara asked holding Catherine's gaze.

"Well you have something up your sleeve and I know you have your friend involved in that and I'm sitting here in the dark."

"It's the best place to be I promise you. Cath if you knew some of the things that I did you'd never sleep at night."

"You don't you wake up screaming."

"I know and I don't want that for you. Where I am now with you is the best I have ever been and I never want to lose that so trust me please."

"I do that seems to be my trouble." Catherine told her poking the younger woman's chest. "I still don't like not knowing what you get up to some times. I trust you'll show me some day. We'll sort out some way round therapy. You though have to talk to Brass or Sofia preferably both. They keep grilling me and I have no idea what to say."

"I will." Sara promised. "I'll talk to Brass after his next shift."

%%

"What are you doing in my living room?" Aaron asked glaring at Angel. He hated these Vamp rules once he had invited Angel in he knew there was no getting rid of him he was going to have to put a call in to Willow and see if she could come to town and sort out some spell to keep him out.

"I'm waiting for you." Angel answered like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Aaron growled a little under his breath he really had underestimated just how much having Angel around was going to wind him up. Just having the undead leech in his apartment had him wanting to burn the place to the ground. He was sure that Angel could snap his neck with out putting too much though into it, never the less Aaron found him self wanting to punch Angel.

"Did you just growl at me?" Angel laughed. He had guessed that Aaron would find his presence uncomfortable it was part of the reason he had shown up. Aaron and Xander were the only ones from the gang not to at least give him a second chance even Giles had found it in himself to help Angel out. Together Aaron and Xander had taken every opportunity to make him feel like the undead intruder he knew he was. It was nice at times to return the favour. Part of Angel the part tied to the pesky soul of his understood where Aaron was coming from the protective big brother had his reasons for hating the undead monster.

They would do this together though, make Sara safe again. That much had nothing to do with Aaron or what he wanted it just turned out in this instance they wanted the same thing. Aaron was a protective brother but Angel felt the same every time he looked at Sara.

"No." Aaron frowned he hated stupid vampires and there super vampire hearing. "I just want to know what you're doing here now."

"I have a plan." Angel stated.

"We need a plan." Aaron asked incredulously. "Why the hell can't we just go and scare the bastard to death?"

"See there's no art in that." Angel sighed.

"Art," Aaron scrunched his forehead up. "Man you have been dead to long."

"Yes that may be the point. Still in all those years I've learnt that people rarely listen to you till you make a good point."

"So you want to make a good point to Sam. Ok I'm all ears lets just remember when were making this point I'm human." Aaron pointed out.

"That we'll work around." Angel smiled giving Aaron a glimpse of the beast inside.

%%

"Mr Braun?" Aaron's voice cut crisply through the early morning Vegas Air.

Sara had been right he and Angel had found nothing of interest on Sam Braun at Catherine's house. It had taken a late night trip to Sam's home to get anything close to what they had been looking for. Angel had assured Aaron that they had hit the jack pot when they had discovered Sam's personal planner. Aaron was inclined –no matter how much he hated it. - to agree with the vampire. It was the information in that book that led them here this morning where Sam was alone with out his heaves for the only time of the day.

"Do I know you son?" Sam asked stopping to look in Aaron's direction.

"Not yet Mr Braun but we're going to get to know each other real well." Aaron smiled. He was so glad Angel had let him do this part he wanted to see the look of disdain on Sam's face. He wanted Sam to look at him like he was nothing it would make the end result so much sweeter.

"Son if you knew how many times I heard that." Sam laughed turning his back on Aaron.

"How many men have said that to you with the burning hate I have for you?" Aaron wondered aloud.

Sam turned once again to face him. "Son take a ticket and get in line."

"Do you make a habit of stabbing young girls in the hand?"

That caught Sam's attention.

"That little bitch screwing with my daughters head send you?"

"No the woman that your daughter's screwing doesn't know we're here." Aaron smiled as Sam's face soured.

"We?" Sam looked slowly around him.

"Come for a ride Sam." Aaron smiled holding the door to his car open. "I insist."

%%

…. BANG!

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**Thanks for reading =)**

**Please review.**


	37. Other Mother

**Thank's For the reviews it really helps to keep me writing. **

**My semi writes block is out of the way and I have a couple of more chapters that just need tweaking so watch this space.**

* * *

"You want to run that past us again." Brass calmly placed his coffee cup on the table in front of him and raised his eyes to Sara.

Sofia wasn't as calm as she slammed her cup down and stood. "You have to be kidding us." She began pacing up and down the table.

"I'm not kidding." Sara simply replied finding the oak effect of Catherine's dinning room table enthralling all of a sudden. "I want you two to drop what ever investigation you have going into what happened to me."

"What do you have to say to this Catherine?" Sofia asked turning her death glare on the strawberry blond sitting next to Sara at the table.

Catherine took a moment to measure her answer. Under any normal circumstances she would want the person who had done this to Sara strung up. However this was Sam Braun, it had nothing to do with the fact that he was her father and everything to do with the fact that she knew no one messed with him. She had after all found out that he was her father the same time she had found out he was a murderer.

"I think that it's Sara's choice and no matter what we think we have to respect that." Catherine told the two officers. She squeezed Sara's hand under the table reminding the other woman that she was not alone. Catherine knew that Sara had a huge amount of affection for both Brass and Sofia and this was hard for her. She couldn't ever remember feeling Sara this tense, wanting do something to help calm her lover she let her fingers wander a little running soothing circle patterns on the inside of Sara's wrist. Feeling Sara relax a little she wished there was something she could do for Sofia before she broke something.

Catherine had not brought the property for the size of the kitchen, the pool and the master bedroom had been the selling point for her. However right in this moment she couldn't help but wish it was a little bigger giving the now steaming blond more room to work of her temper.

"What happened did someone get to you?" Sofia asked she really was at a loss as to why Sara would let who ever did this get away.

"We can help Sar' you know we can." Brass added. He sometimes wondered if he had taken to Sara too much he really was getting to old for all this.

"I know you could and I am grateful that you would go to all this trouble for me." Sara told them slipping her hand out of Catherine's and standing to meet Sofia mid pace. "You know you mean a lot to me right." Sara asked but didn't wait for an answer. "Trust me when I say this is for the best not just for me but for all of us." Sara placed her hands on Sofia's shoulders and squeezed gently till she looked up. "'Fia it's over now."

"Are you in trouble?" Brass asked from his seat at the table. "Either of you?"

"No we're not this has nothing to do with Catherine this is me Sara Sidle making a choice and it has to go down this way. I'm begging you both to respect my decision."

"They didn't like it did they?" Catherine stated from her spot on the bed as she watched Sara pad around the bathroom. It was one of the perks of having an en suite, she got to watch a half dressed Sara moving around, especially when she was half dressed in an over sized UCS t-shirt that scarcely covered mid thigh, leaving large expanses of creamy skin for Catherine to admire.

"No I just hope they listened." Sara mumbled round her toothbrush making Catherine laugh Sara looked so cute with toothpaste round her mouth.

"Yeah well Sofia probably won't but Brass will talk to her."

"What was that look for?" Sara asked after she rinsed her mouth and turned of the light in the Bathroom.

"What look?" Catherine asked trying hard to look innocent and failing dismally.

"The look you got when you said 'Fia's name, the same one you got when I just said it."

"It's nothing she seemed very worked up today she still cares for you she said that much to me and you were very quick to reassure her."

"Cath." Sara came to sit on the edge of the bed looking at Catherine. Sara would never understand how the beautiful angel in front of her could be unsure of her feelings for her. Sara had tried to show Catherine that she was loved adored even but every now and then she could she lingering doubts in her girlfriend's eyes.

"Sara." Catherine breathed out.

'_See._' Sara thought to herself. _'There is no way this sexy creature should have any doubts.' _Sara swallowed her mouth going dry at the look in her lover's eyes.

"Silly little girl!" Sam seethed glaring down at Sara where she sat comfy on the sofa head in a book.

"Hey, how you doing Sam?" Sara smiled looking up from the book for a moment to take in Sam's irate face. Deciding that she couldn't hide her smug smile if she kept looking at him she turned her eyes back to her book.

"You have no idea what you have done!" Sam carried on looming over her trying to intimidate.

"Sam?" Catherine's hesitant voice turned both their attention to the stairs.

"Mugs!" Sam's face smoothed to a winning smile as he turned to his daughter.

Sara moved faster though discarding her book to greet Catherine at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hey baby." Sara smiled taking Catherin's hand in her own. "You should be sleeping."

"I heard Sam." Catherine said eyeing the two of them suspiciously.

"That's nice Sam." Sara smiled mockingly before pressing a kiss to Catherine's hand. "She came down to say hello."

"I um…" Sam's voice trailed off for a moment. "I didn't know you were here your car isn't out front."

Catherine glared at him for a moment realising that the only reason he would have for being here when she wasn't would be to try and intimidate Sara. Catherine looked at her girlfriend and she had to say that if that had been Sam's plan then he had failed because Sara looked more relaxed than she had looked in a long time. Deciding to let it drop for now Catherine answered Sam's question.

"A friend of Sara's gave me a lift home." Catherine told him peering round the living room then into the kitchen. "Where is Angel I thought he was staying here?"

"Right here Ms Willows." Angel smiled seeming to materialize from nowhere to be at Sara's side.

Sam took a step back as images from that very morning flashed in to his mind.

'_Well this is nice' Sam smiled sure of him self. Was this all Sara had to offer in way of retaliation. He would enjoy the look on her face when she realised that she had sent her brother in to die. He let his hand slide over his jacket the warm fabric covering the cold metal of the gun he never left the office without. He was Sam Braun what were they thinking that they could take him for a little car ride and scare HIM!_

'_Wouldn't pull that if I were you.' The man sitting next to him told him. Sam took in his appearance. Smooth dark suit looked expensive, but Sam would bet he was nothing more that a suit. Ok he was big but for Sam there was nothing a builet couldn't stop. _

'_Why not?' Sam asked playing there little game a moment longer. _

'_Someone will get hurt.' _

_Sam faltered for a moment, that had sounded more of a fact than a simple statement. _

'_Never me though." Sam smiled his hand moving slowly to the gun. _

'_No I bet never you.' The stranger nodded. _

_Sam let his hand slide on to the cool metal of his Smith & Weston and in one smooth movement he was pointing the weapon at the stranger beside him. No need to kill the brother just yet Sam smiled to himself one little warning at a time. _

_To Sam's surprise a broad smile adorned the face of the man next to him as he aimed the gun at his heart and pulled the trigger. _

"I forgot my manners."

Sara's voice pulled Sam from the memory.

"Sam this is a very old friend of mine Angel, Angel this Sam Braun Catherine's Dad."

"It is my pleasure." Angel smiled sardonically at Sam.

Sara had to smother a laugh at the smile on Angel's face as he went to shake Sam's hand. If he had been practicing trying not to look like a 250 year old demon when he smiled it didn't show.

"I have to go." Sam stepped back not taking Angels out stretched hand.

"Ok Sam." Catherine looked puzzled at his retreating form as he all but ran to get out of the door. "What was that all about?" She asked no one in particular.

"Beats me" Sara sighed walking back into the living room and dropping back onto the sofa.

"I hope I didn't offend him some how." Angel tried to look innocent as he sat down next to Sara.

"Sam can be like that some times." Catherine commented eyeing the pair suspiciously there was something going on that she was sure of. She was also suddenly grateful that she had no idea what it was.

"There was me hoping he was going to run out of here screaming 'I shot you I shot you'" Sara grinned once she and Angel were alone.

"I thought he was going to for a moment." Angel chuckled. "But he's stronger than he looks. Still he'll crack."

"And then?" Sara wondered, it was fun watching Sam go a little crazy but how did this help her.

"Once my point has been proven and he knows there's no stopping me I'll point out that if he so much as makes you frown again I'll be the one he deals with."

"Get you Mr protective." Sara said teasingly.

"I know." Angel sighed. "It's the curse of having a soul." He smiled.

"Ah that so best be earth shattering." Catherine groaned from her place on the couch as her mobile finally stopped ringing only to have it replaced by the land line ringing. With Angel staying with them and Lindsey following him around like a lost puppy it was hard to get a moment alone. Here they were though alone at last and the phone would not leave them alone.

"Well who ever it is really wants you." Sara told her adjusting under Catherine so she could support the older woman's weight as she stretched up to reach the phone.

"Not as much as I want you right now." Catherine groaned before picking up the phone. "Hello." Her greeting was clipped giving away only a fraction of the frustration she was feeling.

Sara held her tight taking her weight as she sat them both up. Sara was pretty sure their make out session was officially over.

"What now why... Oh there has…. A command centre ….. Ok I'll be there in half an hour."

Sara could only hear half of the conversation but she was sure Catherine was on her way to work.

"I have to go." Catherine told Sara kissing her gently as she hung the phone on the charger.

"I got that." Sara pouted a little just for show she knew how important it must be if Catherine was being called in to work at that time of the day. It really was good that they both had the same job they never had to try to explain to someone who just didn't get why you had to run out just when things were getting good.

"I really am sorry I feel like a tease." Catherine said getting up and hurriedly getting ready.

"I know you're not when ever you get the chance well finish this I know."

"You know it baby, I really would have put him off but there's a major incident."

"Really!" Sara really pouted this time with her bum hand there would be no place for her in this.

"I know baby but soon enough you'll be back." It seemed like Catherine could read her mind. "Remember I'm the one there every week while you go through physio and I see you getting stronger."

"I hope so even if I never get back to work I want to hold you properly."

"You'll do both. Now I need to phone Nancy and get her to take Lind's straight from school."

"No need baby, I'll get her and stay here, well if that's ok with you."

"Ok, you really want to know if you doing something as magical as making sure my daughter is cared for in my absence is ok?" Catherine asked incredulously.

"Well yeah actually." Sara frowned at the look in Catherine's eyes it looked like she was about to cry.

"It's more than ok baby you want to look after my daughter who to most people has been the kid."

"Well I'm not most people Cat, I love you and when I'm around Lind's she feels like she's mine too."

"I know I feel it too, like for the first time ever I feel like there is someone else to share it all with. Even Eddie wasn't much use when it came to his daughter."

"Yeah well you always have me to count on." Sara told Catherine cupping her cheeks and kissing her. "You have to leave right now or you really won't be getting out of this house any time soon."

"Hey Sara!" Lindsey's rather understated hello surprised Sara a little ok so Lindsey was long past the time when Sara's appearance rated an over excited squeal. _'Still.'_ Sara thought to her self._ 'I've had warmer greetings from Ecklie!'_

"Hey Lind's I take it you don't mind that I've come to pick you up."

"No that's cool, where's mom, no let me guess she's working." Lindsey said making her way round the car to the back door.

"Wow slow down there Lind's your excitement is killing me." Sara smiled sarcastically. When Lindsey just rolled her eyes Sara ploughed on. "Yeah mom had to work so I thought that I could pick you up from school and we could hang out for a while we haven't had much time to just hang out have we?"

"Well that would be because you're always snogging my mom" Lindsey sighed slipping in to the car and pulling her seat belt on. Sara sighed, she began to wonder what was bugging the young girl, there was one thing that Sara had always been able to rely on and that was Lindsey's enthusiasm at being around her. If that had dwindled because Sara was dating her mom then there was going to be fun ahead. Sara's shoulders dropped watching Lindsey what was she going to do? Sara wasn't used to Lind's being mad at her she was normally the one to step in when things got too heated between Catherine and her mini me. _'Great.'_ Sara thought _'Uncharted territory my favourite.'_

"Bad day at school?" Sara asked once they had been driving a while and the silence was getting to her.

"No more than normal. I hate Math." Lindsey stated matter of factly.

"No Lind's say it's not so." Sara pretended to be hurt moving one hand from the wheel to hold it over her heart she was more than a little relieved to see the ghost of a smile play on Lindsey's face. "You're having trouble with maths again?"

"Yeah just a little." Lindsey admitted.

"Well I can tutor you if you want you know next to science maths if my favourite."

"Cool." Lindsey produced a real smile this time. "It would be something just we could do."

Sara smiled this time hoping she had a handle on the problem at least. Could little Willows be feeling left out. It was a fair assumption really with all that was going on Sara felt she didn't have enough time to think let alone make quality time for Lindsey. Seeing how much this had hurt the young girl Sara could kick herself. No matter what she decided from this moment making more time for Lindsey was going to be her main concern.

"Yeah that could be our thing. We could make a night of it a couple of times a week we could study go get something to eat and then just me and you hang out."

"Really?" There was no hiding the excitement in Lindsey's eyes this time.

"Yeah kid just you and me."

"Cool I'm so glad you're part of my family no matter what anyone says."

"Who's said something?" Sara asked locking eyes with Lindsey in the mirror.

"Bobby Dean say's that you and mom can't really love each other because your both women and that's wrong."

"Well Bobby better watch his mouth of I might have to talk to his parents."

"He lives with his Aunty because his mom and dad split up and no one wanted him."

"Well Lind's there you go then, He's just pissy because you've got a mom who loves you and now you mom's girlfriend thinks you're the most amazing kid in the world."

"Really?" Lindsey asked amazed hardly daring to believe it.

"Cross my heart." Sara crossed her heart with one hand to emphasise what she had just said.

"I wish you were my mom too."

"Well I might not be but you can think of me like that if you want." Sara was immensely touched by what Lindsey had said.

"Will it mean that I don't love my dad any more?"

"No never you'll always love him Lind's but your heart can grow to fit all the love in it you want"

"Cool I want you to be other mom then."

"Well why don't you think about it."

"If I have too!" Came her dramatic sigh.

Sara mentally patted her self on the back. Smoothing things over with Lindsey had gone so much better than she could have hoped for. Now a very tired full and studied out Lindsey was watching TV in her room while Sara finally relaxed with a glass of wine.

Flicking through the hundreds of cable channels that never seemed to have anything on them Sara settled for the local news. _'Better than nothing better than sitting here thinking about how much you miss Cath and how much you want to finish what she started before she had to leave.'_ She smirked to herself as the commercials ended and the anchor woman repeated the head lines.

"Earlier today Las Vegas police were involved in a high speed chase through north Las Vegas. Three suspects were gunned down during the ensuing gun battle while a young officer by the name of Bell also lost his life. In a related incident a 17 year old student is in ICU at desert palm hospital reports suggest he was shot by police after being mistaken for a suspect."

The report continued but Sara had switched off, she knew now why Catherine had been called in today she was some where caught in the middle of all this. She knew the area well it was somewhere you got called to as a CSI and she was sure anyone out there was getting hassled. One of their own was dead too that was enough to hammer home how dangerous their job was. Flipping open her phone she hit speed dial and waited patiently hoping Cath could take the call right at that moment. Just as she began to think she was going to have to hang up Catherine answered. She was tired already she could tell by the soft tone of her already silky voice.

"Is it a bad time?" Sara questioned ready to hang up if Catherine was in the middle of some thing.

"What to hear from you never. God baby I miss you this is a mess."

"I miss you to baby you sound tired. All I have is the new reports but it looks intense, you doing ok?" Sara asked worriedly.

"No I want to be there with you this world is messed up baby." Catherine answered sadly.

"You're telling me. Did we really shoot some kid in the back?"

"No!" Catherine snapped.

"Just going by the news remember, I'm at home babysitting."

"Sorry it's just we've had to defend our selves all day. Not only are the locals assaulting CSI's IA is here."

"What happened, who got hurt?" Sara was instantly concerned that someone had hurt her or her brother.

"One of the deceased relatives hit Warrick."

"Ow, what does IA want?"

"Officer involved shooting."

"Yeah but uniform get this all the time why is this special."

"Brass and Sofia were also involved and Bell was hit by friendly fire."

"Shit," Sara cursed as the door bell rang. "Is Fia' ok?" She asked instantly distracted as she pulled the door open to see a much shaken Sofia standing on the door step. "Look I have to go call you later." She told Catherine hanging up on her before slipping the phone into her pocket and pulling Sofia in to a tight hug. "Come on." She told her tugging gently on her arm so she followed her in.

"I didn't know where else to go." Sofia told Sara once the door was closed and she was once again wrapped in his Sara's, strong embrace.

"You came to the right place." She told her smoothing her hands over Sofia's tense back in an effort to sooth her. At that moment all she had to go on was what Catherine had told her and that had been pretty bleak.

Sara turned them around so that she could lead them in to the lounge. She was greeted by the rather accusing glare of Lindsey. She stood at the bottom of the stairs hands on hips.

"Lind's you remember my friend Sofia. She's a little upset I'm sure you don't mind her staying for a while."

Lind's took a moment to look from Sara to the sobbing blond. "Dose it mean I can have pizza."

'_Oh so should have seen that one coming man.'_ She smiled to herself, _'Being played by a thirteen year old.'_

"Yeah Lind's we can have pizza later though for now can I talk to Sofia for a little while."

"Talk?" she questioned still not willing to leave her potential new mom alone with a woman she knew was Sara ex-girlfriend.

"Just talk I promise I meant what I said about you and your mom but I can't leave a friend in need." She tried to reassure the younger Willows woman.

"Better just talk." Lindsey mumbled making her way back upstairs.

"Don't think she like's me too much." Sofia tried to smile but she had been crying so long that it was just too much of an effort.

"Don't take it personally she's having parental issues. But you didn't come here to talk about Lind's no matter how perfect I think she is."

"No'" was all she got in way of reply.

"That bad hey, I'm getting one syllable answers."

"Sorry I shouldn't have come." Sofia went to get up off the couch but Sara was to fast for her and cut of her movement pulling her in to his arms.

"You did come though." Sara pointed out hoping that this would open the gate for Sofia to start talking.

"Well I couldn't stay at the lab Aaron told me to get out basically all I wanted to do was talk to someone. I remembered that you were on leave and that would be ok because you have no involvement in an open case."

"Aaron was mean never." Sara joked trying to lighten the situation.

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	38. Side Stepping

**I own nothing still poor me.**

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"Hey stranger." Sara practically purred into Catherine's neck as she pulled her close. Catherine had worked a triple shift, not once managing to make it home. She had finally made it that morning and Sara had sent her straight to bed. There had been some rather muted protests about Sara joining her but Sara had insisted that Catherine get some sleep. Here she was now in Sara's arms and the brunette's hands had a life of their own. One came up to run through Catherine's hair while the other pulled her robe open a little, so it could slip inside and caress the warm skin of her flat stomach. Sara swallowed, the moan she elected from Catherine, taking the opportunity to slip her tongue in and taste Catherine's sweet mouth. "I missed you." Sara told her, words vibrating on her lips.

"I missed you too baby. That was a very harsh shift."

"Well it's over now and you're home with the rest of the night off and I, Ms. Willows, am going to take good care of you."

"Home," Catherine smiled, pulling Sara closer, holding her tighter, and running her hand over her chest. "I like the sound of that Sidle."

"Good."

"Mom, you're up." Lindsey came bounding down the stairs. With one last kiss, Sara moved away from the warmth of her lover's body, so mother and daughter could have a moment. She went into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee.

"Yeah, Honey I'm up and I'm off work for the night, so I'm all yours."

"And Sara's?"

"Yeah and Sara'," Her mothered smiled "I'm all hers too."

"What's mine?" Sara asked sticking her head out of the kitchen.

"Me." Catherine told her with a smile that lit up the room.

"Forever?" Sara asked playfully

"And Ever." Catherine replied

"And Always." Sara had a satisfied look on her face.

"Yeah baby." Catherine nodded.

"I love you."

"You two are icky." Lindsey told them pulling away from her mom.

"Hey one day you'll be in love and you'll say all sorts of things too." Sara told her.

"Well to make up for all the mental torture you guys keep putting me through, I think we should order in." Lindsey said hopefully.

"What exactly _do _you want young lady?" Catherine asked walking over to Sara who had disappeared into the kitchen once again.

"Pizza, like we had the other night when Sofia was here."

Sara hung her head the moment the name left the young girl's lips. It wasn't like she wasn't going to tell Catherine what had happened she just wasn't going to tell her the moment she got her back into her arms.

"Lindsey, Room!" Catherine growled, the happy family atmosphere that had been built since Catherine had returned evaporated in an instant as Catherine turned to Sara.

"You had Sofia here?" The words were an accusation.

"It's not as bad as it sounds." Sara said defensively

"No, do enlighten me then." Catherine could not keep the sarcasm out of her voice.

"Calm down and I will."

"Calm down!" Catherine said exultantly. "You had your ex. girlfriend here, in my house while I was out at work, while you were meant to be looking after my daughter!"

"That's it isn't it? Sara was getting angry herself now. "It's _your_ house, y_our _daughter! You want this to feel like home for me when it suits you. I'm sorry I had Fia' here. I really am but she was about as low as it gets and I wasn't turning her away. So bringing her in to your house or leave your daughter while I sorted her out were my only choices. " Sara was really angry now. "So forgive me for picking the one I thought was best." She finished sarcastically.

"That's not what I'm saying." Catherine sighed. This was morphing out of hand quickly. She could not explain the feelings that went through her when Sara was around Sofia. It went deeper than simple jealousy. There was something that Sara and Sofia shared that Sara and herself hadn't before they had started dating. Sofia and Sara were friends before and they were friends again now. She couldn't honestly say that she and Sara had ever really been friends before their relationship turned to something more.

"What are you saying then?" Sara asked breathing through her nose, trying to control her temper.

"I'm….." Catherine paused, what was she getting at? Was she really telling Sara that she couldn't have people round at the house? Was that the kind of girlfriend she was going to be, the jealous, suspicious one, never letting Sara have a moments piece. She knew too well that neither of them could live like that. "She's one of your best friends." Catherine sighed

"Does it bother you that I manage to stay friends with her?" Sara asked taking a step closer to Catherine. She was hoping that they could both calm down a little and talk this through. The last thing she wanted to do was fight with Catherine over Sofia, no one was worth fighting with Catherine with.

"In a way it does." Catherine admitted taking a step forward herself. "Not because I don't trust you. I know you would never do anything to hurt me and when you say that I believe you like I have never believed anyone in my life. I can't help thinking about what we had before you got together, the pain the lies, hurting each other. Then I think about the easy friendship you have with Sofia, My sister, god even Angel, you two just look so relaxed together. We have never had that, will we ever have that?

"You're jealous." It was a statement rather than a question.

"I know and I don't like feeling jealous but I realized that she has something with you that we never had."

"What?" Sara asked there was nothing that she had to give that Catherine didn't have.

"Your friendship. And don't look at me like that, we were never friends. Not the way you two are, the way you took her in when she needed you."

"Like I was there for you when Novak was here and you needed me."

"Not the same."

"Feels the same to me," Sara huffed. She wasn't quite getting where this was going.

"No, you came to save a damsel in distress when I phoned you that night because Sar' baby as much as I love you, we were never friends before and I know full well that if we split up we won't be friends again. We'll hurt too much to be friends. We don't have the type of relationship that can be turn into a real friendship after things go south."

Sara thought about this for a moment or two and had to concede the point. She leaned forward running her hand through Catherine's hair, pulling her close. "Let's work on that then." Sara told her kissing her head.

"What?"

"Yeah let's have a try at being friends."

"You want to take a step back." Catherine asked cursing herself silently, why had she gone all mental on her. If she had just kept her mouth shut Sara wouldn't be about to pull away.

"No not a step back, just a step to the side. You're right in a way, I know that we never did that bit in the middle, we were just together. Let's date let's set some time aside, get Nance and Aaron to have Lind's and we do the whole dating scene. We go to the movies, walks in the park, flowers, and everything in between."

"Really?" Catherine smiled she found she actually liked the sound of that.

"Yeah, we'll take the time to really get to know each other, be friends. Be the first person that the other thinks of when something happens."

"Sara sidle I love you."

"Miss Willows I love you too. Now please stop worrying about 'Fia or anyone else for that matter, you are all I will ever need."

* * *

"Oh." Aaron smiled as he was bundled out of his car and into the back of a big black Limo. He nodded and grinned wider as he noticed Angel sat on the seat opposite him.

"We're going to have a little chat on my terms this time." Sam told Angel and Aaron as they sat in the back of his car. "No tricks this time either, I've had your friend checked over and he's not wearing a vest this time.

Aaron chuckled to himself. It was amazing to him the things people force themselves to believe, when it came to the supernatural.

"Exactly no vest and we're not armed just what sort of chat is this?" Angel asked trying to look scared. "I mean does your daughter know the sort of things you get up to?"

"You leave Catherine out of this." Sam demanded.

"You leave Sara out of this." Aaron countered.

"No can do. You see once I start something, I have to see it through." Sam informed them. "I just couldn't survive in this town if I didn't." Sam smiled as they pulled on to the desolate track just off the highway.

"Out!" The man sitting next to Sam had been quiet up until this point but as the car pulled to a stop he spoke.

"Since you asked so nicely," Aaron answered sarcastically.

The car's door was opened, and Aaron then Angel was pulled from the back of the car.

"Kneel!" Sam's Hench man demanded, facing Aaron and Angel. Neither man moved facing their adversary stony-faced. Aaron dropped to his knees as a boot connected with the back of his leg. Angel did the same as he was kicked. With no real need to he could have snapped both their necks with ease and he had to keep reminding himself that it really wasn't an option.

"So what now?" Aaron asked as he and Angel found themselves on their knees in the desert. Aaron was well aware that it was 02:00am and they were miles away from anywhere. Angel was pretty indestructible he knew that. Aaron was becoming only too aware of the fact that he wasn't. "Whack us in the middle of the desert."

"I have rules." Sam spoke as though he hadn't heard Aaron. "I ask for something to be done and it gets done." Sam slowly circled the kneeling pair. "I want your sister out of my daughter's life and I will get my wish."

"Not going to happen." Aaron informed Sam. "My sister is a good person and Cath would have to go a long way to find better."

Sam nodded his head and Aaron received a boot to the midsection. Aaron doubled over with pain clutching his stomach. Breathing slowly he waited till his ears stopped ringing to try to sit back up.

"As I was saying I have rules. So I need to show your sister what happens when she chooses to ignore my rules."

With another nod Aaron noticed Sam's henchman pull something from his jacket. The moon reflected of off it and Aaron realized with a deep dread that it was a knife.

'I'm going to die.' The thought popped into his head before he had even finished seeing the knife. Angel getting stabbed was one thing, he was sure that it wouldn't phase the vampire. His flesh and blood was no match though.

"_Sar' he hurt you, he has to know that he can't get away with that."_

"_He'll hurt you too."_

It hadn't mattered then and it didn't matter now, he'd choose getting stabbed over walking away and letting Sara down any day. He just wished someone would tell his heart that. If it kept beating at this rate he was sure it would give up on him before anything else happened.

"I wonder if you're as brave as your sister." Henchman laughed pulling Aaron to his feet wrapping one of his arms around Aaron's neck breathing in his ear. "I stuck a knife in her and she didn't scream. It was a bit disappointing really. I bet I get another go, might get to have some fun with her this time too. Bet I could straighten her out." He laughed leering a little.

Aaron bit back on the impulse to throw up and glanced at Angel. He could tell they were thinking the same thing. Killing Sam might have been out but this guy was a dead man walking. One way or another they would make sure he never laid a finger on Sara again.

"Not that I get to hurt you pretty boy." Aaron found himself dumped on the hard desert floor dust jumping up around him.

"No." Sam said. "You're going to deliver a message, your friend here though gained the right of being the message. This is what you get when you wear a vest."

Even knowing that Angel was not going to be more than a little pissed off to have a knife stabbed into his chest Aaron felt the need to turn his head. Maybe if he hadn't he might have seen the knife handle coming to make contact with his skull. As it was the last thing he heard was Sam laughing and telling him to give his love to Sara.

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Sara woke slowly for a moment not quite sure where she was. Her mind caught up with her and she remembered falling asleep on Catherine's couch. She was pretty sure the blanket over her and the every warm body on her right side was pretty new though.

She just hoped to god it was Catherine's, otherwise she was in real big trouble. She tried to sit up but the warm body on her right complained and a very sleepy Catherine lifted her head.

"Lay still baby or I'll fall off." Catherine yawned she'd just worked her night off. Sara smiled at her sleepy girlfriend, the least she could do was make sure Catherine had a good mornings sleep. She rolled on to her side, pressing her back to the back of the couch, pulling Catherine closer to her body.

Catherine went willingly, placing her head on Sara's chest. Taking in the scent of the woman she loved so much. The woman she loved so much, she was crazy Jealous of not only Sofia for being her ex but every woman in Sara's life who might have some influence on her.

She shifted up a little nuzzling into the crook of Sara's neck. The skin of her neck was so soft and she loved the way Sara shivered when her breath hit it.

"Better." Sara asked kissing the top of her head. Sara ran her hand over Catherine's back tracing lazy patterns under her top. She opened her eyes a crack taking in what Catherine was wearing, 'tank top,' she smiled to herself lifting the cover to take in the bottom half of her amazing body 'Panties, god this could be good.'

"Sidle, are you checking me out?"

"Too right, I woke up with a hot red head, snuggled up to me, not turning that chance down."

"I might be too tired." Catherine teased.

"Well in that case baby you should go to bed and I'll leave you to rest."

"Whatever hot shot," Catherine mumbled turning on to her side, teasing the sensitive skin of Sara's neck with her teeth. Catherine rolled over completely laying on top of her. "I missed you baby." She almost whispered lost in the feel of Sara's body under hers.

"Well I'm here now." Sara told her tenderly tucking Catherine's hair behind her ear. She loved watching Catherine straddle her like this, she looked exactly what she was; an angel.

Catherine lent down tenderly kissing Sara on the lips and she ran her fingers through her hair.

"You smell nice." Sara told her, inhaling her scent.

"I really needed to shower when I got home."

"That you could have woken me for," Sara smiled suggestively. "Was it a bad night?"

"No, just long and tiring." Catherine continued between peppering kisses all over her neck. "But then I get home and the most amazing sight was awaiting me."

"What was that?" Sara asked truly puzzled.

"You stupid," Catherine told her ruffling Sara's hair playfully. "I really like coming home; it felt like I was home when I got in to find you asleep on the couch. Thought why you were asleep down here when there is a pretty amazing king sized bed upstairs in our room."

"You're not mad that I just let myself in," Sara exhaled, relieved she had been worried that Catherine might think it was an intrusion. "I know you gave me your key for emergencies and this wasn't one but… ow!" Sara trailed of when Catherine hit her squarely in the chest. "What was that for?"

"Because you're dumb," Catherine told her. "I gave you a key so you could come and go as you wanted. And I can think of nothing more amazing than coming home from a long shift to find you here."

"I couldn't sleep." Sara admitted looking a little sheepish. "I realized that my own apartment didn't feel like home. So I came here, but when I was upstairs without you and with Lind's sleeping at Ashleigh's, it seemed so empty."

"That is possibly the sweetest thing I have heard." Catherine smiled.

"Then you don't get out much."

"No I work too much." Catherine smiled then frowned a little.

"What is it baby?" Sara questioned ready to wrestle crocodiles if that was what it took to wipe that frown of her lovers face.

"I thought I saw you at work tonight and then I realized that I was missing you too much because I was seeing things."

"Not true actually, I was there for a few moments. I really thought you hadn't seen me."

"I did. Why would you come in and not say hi."

"I was there to get something that I didn't want you to know about." Sara's smile got Catherine intrigued. "Then I thought about coming in to say hi to you but then I thought how the hell am I meant to explain that on my night off I had come in to see you."

"What is it?" Catherine asked with childlike enthusiasm.

"Who says it's for you?" Sara tried to keep a straight face.

"Why else would you not want me to see?"

"_Well_…" Sara smirk drawing out the word. "It might be for my girlfriend."

"Yeah like anyone would put up with you long term, I'm only here for the sex."

"I'm hurt." Sara pouted holding her hands over her heart.

"What is it?" Catherine asked bouncing up and down a little, causing a delicious friction between their bodies, making Sara lose her train of thought for a moment. "Sara, focus, because you are not getting any till I know what it is."

"This." Sara sighed dramatically, reaching into her pocket between them and pulling out a now rather battered looking ring box.

"Oh." Catherine looked from Sara to the box eyes wide.

"Calm down, I'm not asking you to marry me yet."

"Yet?" Catherine raised an eyebrow and Sara smiled.

"Yeah, you never know, I might want to give up my player lifestyle."

Catherine laughed bending down to press her lips to Sara's "You a player."

"Yeah, why not?" Sara asked in mock seriousness.

"It's just not you."

"Cath, you're stalling, open the box."

She pulled open the box, a gasp escaping her lips as her eyes traced the beautiful piece of gold in the box.

"Sar' it's beautiful. God, it's really beautiful."

"It's a Claddagh ring. It's Celtic the origins date back hundreds of years. Angel's really into all that sort of thing." '_Him being nearly 300 years old, and all_.' "The hands mean friendship, and you Cath know it or not are my best friend," Sara told her cupping her cheek. Catherine smiled at the contact and leant into it. "The crown means loyalty and baby there never will be anyone else, and the heart means love and I love you more than anything, more than my life. If your wear it on your left hand with the heart facing towards you then it means your heart belongs to someone."

Catherine held out her left hand tears running down her cheeks. After slipping the ring on her wedding finger Sara reached up to cup her cheek again wiping the moisture she found there.

"God I love you too."

Catherine declared pouncing forward to claim Sara's lips with her own.

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	39. proverbial straw

"Wake up." Angel growled shaking Aaron and then glancing nervously to the horizon. The sun would be up soon and he would be ash before he had time to panic. Not that he panicked no sir, he was not a person to panic it was just after being stabbed through the heart he wanted to avoid any more pain for one day.

"My brain damage will not be helped by your shaking me." Aaron groaned groggily.

"Yeah and the imminent sun rise is going to do my suntan no good at all."

"It's all me! Me! Me!" Aaron groaned sitting up and instantly regretting it. The whole desert spun and he lurched to the side emptying the contents of his stomach on the dry desert floor.

"You might have a concussion." Angel stated easily holding Aaron steady with one hand when he went to topple over again.

"No shit." Aaron chuckled dryly deciding against shaking his head.

"We need to get that looked at. Sar' will kill me if you are damaged."

"Like you're scared of my sister."

"Like your not." Angel snorted. "I know her remember I've seen her mad."

"Just get me home." Aaron told him. He knew Angel was right Sara was going to go mental when she saw what had happened to him. Turning up in hospital was just going to make that so much worse. Aaron needed time to work out what he was going to say to her. She was going to be upset that was for sure. He had to make her realize that there was no other way this could happen. There was no way he could have stayed out of this and looked her in the eye again. He realized he also had to be careful of Catherine she was holding on by a thread even if she or Sara would never admit it. Someone had hurt Sara and Aaron knew Catherine her first second and third instincts were to protect the people she loved. Aaron had been amazed that Sara had been able to keep Catherine out of it this long. He was worried that his injuries might just be the proverbial straw.

**OO**

"You brought me a ring." Catherine announced for what Sara thought was the hundredth time. They were lying in bed together; Catherine had all but dragged Sara there once she had the ring on her finger. Now laying in post orgasmic bliss, Sara was too tired to point out that Catherine was now just repeating herself. "We need to tell the guy's now." Catherine announced that caught Sara's attention.

"What, right now, can't I get dressed?" Sara joked rolling to her side to face Catherine.

"Sara, please," Catherine implored her to be serious for a moment.

"Sorry baby." Sara kissed her nose. "I think you're right, we should talk to the others. Not at work though, we should take them out or do it here."

"Here, most defiantly here."

"Ok."

"Well, if someone gets a little upset, we don't want a scene."

"You mean if Nick goes for me, better in private."

"He might surprise you."

"He might kill me." Sara frowned.

"What is it with you two?" Catherine asked she never understood why they had just never gotten on.

Sara was silent for a moment this was something she had often pondered herself. Nick was the sort of person she would have avoided in high school she knew that much. They would have just moved in different social circles. She wasn't sure why they never managed to even carve out a half decent working relationship though. Maybe there were just some people you were destined never to get on with.

"I don't know." Sara finally admitted "Maybe we just never clicked." She shrugged. The problems she had faced with Nick were no where near as bad now as they had been when Nick had had the animosity that Sara and Catherine shared to feed off of.

"He's a good person Sar' you should give him a chance."

"I'm a good person to maybe he should work out what he doesn't like about me and give me a chance."

**OO**

"What the hell happened to you?" Sara asked breathing through her teeth trying to control her breathing. "You" She turned to Angel with an accusing glare. "You are meant to be helping; I wanted you here so he wouldn't get hurt." Sara was irate.

"We're just sticking to the plan." Aaron tried to reassure his younger sister.

"Looks like Sam got a new plan, like being charged with your murder." Sara was getting angrier by the minute. "That's where this is heading and that's why I asked you to stay out of this."

"And I told you I could never do that. Trust us, we know what we're doing and you liked the plan."

"Yeah I did when it was Angel getting hurt."

"Thanks." Angel laughed.

"Well like getting shot or stabbed or any of the other things Sam could think of would hurt you for more than five minutes. Look at him though."

"Yeah look at me, hurts doesn't it, knowing I got hurt?" Aaron asked his sister.

"Yeah, you know it does."

"Yeah well I can do something about this. All those times you would come home beaten and a little broken and I could do nothing well I can this time Sar' and a black eye and a mild concussion will not stop me."

"Aaron, we lived on a hell mouth, bad things happened. They were not your fault."

"No, but I was helpless, not this time though. You are going to have to kill me yourself to get me to stop."

"Don't tempt me." Sara mumbled under her breath, brothers really were a little sub-species all of their own.

**OO**

"So, busy night." Grissum informed the team as he entered the brake room. "What are you doing here?" He asked noticing Sara for the first time.

"My people missed me." Sara told him sitting herself down next to Greg. "Didn't you my people?" She asked Greg.

"Always." Greg smiled squeezing Sara's knee with his hand.

"I don't see the need for you to paw her all the time." Catherine snapped standing to leave. She hated the fact that everyone but her got to touch Sara at work. She wondered what they would all think if she stood up walked over and kissed Sara in the middle of the room. They had finally agreed to tell the team and Catherine had wanted to do before her shift had started she saw no reason for waiting any longer. Sara had insisted they waited till the weekend. Lindsey was going to be away on a school trip and Sara had reasoned that they could have the team round for lunch.

In that moment with Greg hands all over her girlfriend Catherine hated the fact that no one else knew.

"Greg take your hands off my sister!"

Catherine could have kissed Aaron as he uttered the words she had been dying to say. She turned to smile at Aaron but it died on her lips as she took a good look at him.

"Oh my god look at you!" Catherine gasped striding over to where Aaron was trying to be invisible by the sink. "What happened?"

"It was nothing." Aaron shrugged. He'd been through about fifty cover stories in his head each one sounding just that little bit lamer that the one before. He also knew what the truth was going to do to Catherine. Not that he thought for one moment she wasn't going to work it all out on her own. Catherine was smart and pissed enough as it was so it really wasn't going to take much to tip her over the edge.

"Nothing man you're black and blue." Warrick cut in "Look if there's something wrong you need to tell us first Sara then you man this is a bit too much of a coincidence even for Vegas."

Catherine snapped her head from Aaron to Sara, both of them looking anywhere but at her or each other. _'Oh that's it.'_ Catherine fumed to her self. _'I don't care what she says no one messes with my family.'_

"Sara, a word!" Catherine hissed out between gritted teeth.

**OO**

"Now tell me it's all under control!" Catherine dared Sara the moment her office door was shut.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Sara played dumb standing her ground in the middle of Catherine's office.

"Playing dumb really doesn't suit you. Are you really trying to tell me that Aaron having a black eye has nothing to do with Sam."

"I'm not telling you anything."

"Fine don't I'll go talk to Sam and there is nothing on god's earth that you can say to stop me this time."

"Cath don't he's dangerous."

"I've noticed Sara. He had you stabbed. HE HAD YOU STABBED." Catherine emphasised. "Sara I love you, you and Lind's are everything I have I will no longer stand by and watch someone threaten that."

"I'm begging." Sara lowered her voice trying to plead with her girlfriend.

"No Sar', no." Catherine closed the gap between them placing both her hands on Sara's cheeks. "Nothing will keep me out of this now."

"So Aaron getting hurt is too much to take?"

"Sara stop it now." Catherine said warningly.

"I'm just saying I get stabbed and I talk you down Az gets a black eye and it's war."

"Shut up Sar' I'm warning you."

"Will Nance have a fight on her hands for my brother's heart?"

"You really think I could ever love anyone but you. Sara Sidle you have spoilt me now for anyone else I've tasted heaven."

"You know I feel the same right, I know I'm not good at letting you know things all the time but I hope I've made that clear?"

"Yeah I'm getting that."

"So why the hell did you just nearly rip Greg's head off in there."

"Greg had his hands on MY girl."

"Well Greg didn't know that and even if he did Greg is still going to touch my leg it's Greg he's like my brother."

"Your brother who get's to touch you in public."

"You can do that, when we tell the others." Sara said reassuringly.

"If we tell them." Catherine mumbled.

"I didn't catch that." Sara told her lifting Catherine's chin so that they were making eye contact.

"You are sure you want them to know?"

"I'm sure as hell I want them to know. I want to hold your hand in the brake room, I want to kiss you in the locker room and when the mood takes me I want to bring you coffee at work because I miss you." Sara told her taking her hand pulling her to the door.

"Where are we going?"

"To tell the others of course."

"What right now?" Catherine hung back a little.

"Why not Cath you want them to know right?"

"Yeah ok I get your point there is a right way and a wrong way and waiting till this weekend is right. Were worth doing this right, they're our family after all."

"You're right I want them to see that were here to stay I don't think dropping it in while Griss is handing out assignments is right." Sara chuckled to her self. "Don't suppose I can talk you out of seeing Sam that easy do you?"

"No Sar' he's my father and I think it's about time I had my say."

**OO**

"What is this about?" Nick asked. All of the night shift minus Grissom were sitting in Catherine's living room talking amongst each other. Nick though was watching Catherine and Sara closely. Sara sat on the edge of the coffee table in the middle of the room with Catherine between her legs, head resting on Sara's knee. Something had changed between them he could tell that from the way they were so at ease together. When Catherine had announced that she and Sara wanted to talk to the whole team, he really didn't think he would like what was about to happen.

"We wanted to talk to you, all of you." Catherine started sitting up a little straighter as everyone in the room turned their attention to her. "You guys have probably noticed that things have changed between Sara and me." Catherine continued holding Sara's hand.

"We thought it was time we let you all in on that change." Sara took over from Catherine. "We've been dating for a few months now and we wanted to share it with you guys, our closest friends."

Aaron cleared his throat.

"And family," Sara smiled at her brother, her heart catching once again when she looked at his black eye.

"Way to go you two." Warrick congratulated them, getting up and pulling Catherine into a hug "You got the girl." He whispered into Catherine's ear holding her tight.

"Yeah I did." Catherine chuckled squeezing him back.

"We can double date." Warrick smiled pulling Sara into a hug. "Hurt her and they will never find the body." He spoke directly into Sara's ear.

"If I hurt her, I'm contemplating killing myself." Sara assured him.

"Can't believe you didn't tell me?" Greg pouted a little. "I thought we were close."

"We are man." Sara guaranteed him, going to sit next to him placing an arm over his shoulder.

"You just need to be a better CSI." Sofia smirked.

"You knew?" Warrick and Greg chorused.

"None of you wondered why Catherine 'I hate Sara Sidle' Willows fell apart when Sara was hurt."

"Well we just thought..."

"We're stupid." Greg finished and they all laughed.

"Nicky." Catherine asked once the laughter died down.

"You want my approval?"

"We want you to be ok with this Nick. Grave are like family and we don't want to change that." Catherine told him.

"She's not good enough for you Cath." Nick sighed. He hated to do this he really did but he felt like Catherine was making the biggest mistake of her life. To him Sara was trouble had been since the day she had turned up in chains. Too much happened around her, to her for his liking. He knew Sara managed to convince the others that she was a good person but Nick still had his reservations about her. No one who twice turned up unexplained at a crime scene was a good person.

"Ouch." Sara smiled. She was ok with Nick not liking the fact that she and Catherine were together. Nick was a grownup and a good CSI. Sara knew that he had noticed some of the things that happen around her The others, especially Catherine trusted her so she was kind of glad Nick didn't, it kept her honest at least.

"Do you want to say that to me!" Aaron challenged Nick as he moved from sitting next to Sofia to standing in front of his sister.

"Sit down Az." Sara told him tilting her head to the side and looking up at her brother. He really was the most amazing brother in the world.

"He's being a git." Aaron protested.

"Az we've spoken about this you can't beat up everyone who doesn't like me."

"I can try and this is Nick not just anyone."

"Yeah and like me or not Nick is family till Cath say's not and we can't hurt family."

Aaron didn't like the idea he sat though, glaring at Nick as he did so.

"No one is asking you to like it." This time Sara spoke to Nick. "No one is asking you for your permission. I love Cath and she loves me and nothing you say will change that, you mean the world to Cath and I know you two were friends before I came along so I ask you to respect Catherine enough to not cause trouble for us."

"You're right we were friends before and we will be friends after you have messed up and hurt her. Till then you'll have no trouble from me."

"That's all I ask." Sara smiled.

"Nick how can you say that?" Catherine asked.

"Cath you were as upset as anyone when she walked all those years ago and then she turns up at another crime scene. Then when ever evidence is damaged or missing she's there or about I really can't be the only one to notice that."

"These are things that are in the past, things Sara and I have dealt with and if for one second you think that Sara is in any way on the take then I think you need to leave."

**OO**

"That ring is really beautiful." Sofia smiled holding Catherine's hand in her own looking at the ring Sara had placed there.

"Well I love it." Catherine smiled at the younger woman. "She surprises me." Catherine added watching Sara wrestle with Greg, with Warrick laughing on.

"She has a way of doing that. Catherine," Sofia pulled the blonds hand tighter into her own, holding her attention. "I really don't want to be a source of conflict in your relationship with Sara."

"She told you what I said." Catherine was surprised, she knew that they were close but somehow she had never guessed that Sara spoke to Sofia about their relationship.

"She wanted some advice it wasn't something she felt she could talk to Aaron about. I know it must be difficult for you to see that Sara and I are still such good friends. I want you to know though that I would and could never come between you two. Even when we were together she wanted you more than she ever wanted me."

"Sofia."

"No, it's ok. I knew it was true and I still chose to be with her and I would again. I love her Catherine and I can't stop that. She doesn't love me, not the way I love her and I wouldn't change that because you two are meant to be together, so be happy and don't worry about me even if I could have her. I know she's where she was meant to me."

"Thank you. Sofia it means a lot to hear you say that, I know you two still have real bound but I'm trying to just trust her."

"Trust," Sofia smiled "That's the biggy."

**OO**

"Stop hogging her." Warrick announced walking over to Catherine where she was still talking to Sofia.

"I was just looking at this amazing ring." Sofia smiled moving from her seat giving Warrick some room.

"Ring," Warrick's smile was lazy and a little teasing as he turned to Sara. "You girl are smooth. You are so putting the moves on."

"I need no moves." Sara smiled contently from her position between Greg and her brother. "She loves me."

"Someone's sure of themselves." Warrick laughed.

"She has every right to be she knows I love her more than my life."

"God it's all mushy in here." Angel groaned as he descended the stairs. He stopped in his tracks at the bottom eyes fixed on Catherine's ring finger. "Nice ring." Angels face fell a little and he paused for a split second before turning and heading back in the direction he had just come.

"Angel." Sara called after him standing.

"I think you upset him." Aaron smiled.

"Shut up." Sara growled suddenly glad that her insensitive idiot brother had a black eye.

"Sara everything ok?" Catherine asked looking at her girlfriend's worried face.

"I'm an idiot." Sara told them heading up to Angel.

**OO**

"Can I ever be forgiven?" Sara asked from the doorway of the spare room that Angel was using as his. He stood in front of the mirror, of course casting no refection. Sara still found that a little off putting, it just wasn't right.

"Yeah, there is nothing to forgive." Angel turned showing her a sad smile.

"No I just brought my girlfriend the ring that represents one of the darkest times for you and for us as a group. No nothing to be forgiven."

"You didn't kill anyone. You didn't lose your soul. You didn't nearly kill people who had been the closest thing to a family you ever had. You didn't nearly end the world."

"Yes I did, we both know people died because of me. Star died because of me, she was my family. A lot of people died at graduation because of me and I have to live with that every day."

"Giving Buffy that ring was the best thing I ever did human or demon. I knew nothing of the gypsy curse's little loop hole. All I knew was I loved her and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her."

"All I ever wanted was to grow old with Star that was all I ever thought I wanted. When she died, when I all but killed her I never thought I would be able to love anyone again."

"I nearly stayed when I realized what had happened. Life seemed so fragile all over again and you we're my friend, I wanted to help."

"I wanted the world to go away. I took off that summer with the intention of never coming back, there was no point not without Star and I never thought life would ever feel any other way than that."

"It does though." Angel encouraged Sara to continue.

"Catherine is not Star, they are nothing alike. I suppose I'll never know if they could have been alike because Star never got to grow up." Sara sighed, ringing her hands together. She had come here to make Angel feel better not talk about Star. Talking to Angel about it though wasn't that hard though he really had seen it all in his time. "No one can make me cry, make me laugh, make me smile or drive me mad, like she does, I feel like I'm on fire when she's around and I'm not in sync with the rest of the world when she's not near."

"And she's hot." Angel smiled. "I mean smoking hot; she's the sort of woman dreams are made of."

"Angel!" Sara said warningly.

"Just saying that must help a little bit."

Sara had to laugh not only was he right of course he had a knack of lighting the mood in the right moment.

"Yeah it helps a lot. She smiles and I melt I just can't stay mad."

"That's why I'm not mad that you gave her that ring. It honours what I had with Buffy and that was beautiful."

* * *

**A/N: just want to say that I'm a big Nick fan and I know the scene with him might be a little out of character I just needed someone to play that role and Nick drew the short straw. **

**=) Thanks for reading and good or bad (Please Good) I would love to hear from you.**


	40. Humouring you UPDATED!

**I know not much changed in this but I wanted to get it checked over and reposted. So here we are anyway. Chapter 41 is all ready to go but I'm not feeling the love so at least three reviews and it's all yours not that I'm begging but !

* * *

**

"I want this to stop now." Sara sighed. There really was only so much even she could take. She exhaled noisily adjusting the phone.

"Make it stop then." Willow told her. She didn't like to hear Sara sound so defeated she really didn't especially when she wasn't even in the same country to lend support.

"How? I mean do I just sit Cath down and tell her everything. By the way Cath there's a whole world of demons out there."

"Well that would be a good place as any to start."

"I can see it in her eyes especially now Angel is here, she wants to know everything there is to know about me."

"Is that a bad thing? And really Sar' can you keep a relationship strong if one of you can only ever be half the person she really is."

"How can it be a good thing?" Sara wondered.

"Well for one thing you are a good person you always have been. Who saved my arse on the very first day of high school?"

"Will if you ever took you head out of a book and paid attention to the finer workings of the high school hierarchy I would not have been called in to action on my first day week in town. I might have got in with the in crowd."

"A week with Cordelia would have had you opening the hell mouth yourself."

Sara had to laugh this was a fair point Cordelia was beautiful but for a long time that had been her only good point. "Yeah true how on earth did Xander date her for so long?"

"He's a patient man. Now stop going of topic. You Sara Sidle need to make a choice."

"I can't keep her in the dark I know that but the things we have seen the people we lost. A couple of days after knowing Buffy Jessie died, it didn't seem to stop after that moment."

"You didn't kill her Sar' when will you accept that?"

"I don't think I ever can no matter who says it." Sara sighed and the pain in her voice broke Willow's heart.

"I." Willow paused so many people had lost so much in their time in Sunnydale and Willow herself was one of them. She was about to talk about things that she had long tried to put behind her. "When Tara died I really never thought I would ever love again, and please don't make that noise in the back of your throat." Willow added stopping dead.

"What noise?" Sara questioned. Vaguely aware that she sometimes let her distain for Kennedy seep out.

"The noise you make when you know I'm going to talk about Kennedy."

"I didn't realise I made a noise I never meant to be nasty to your girlfriend. I just like the other one better."

"Yeah well my point exactly. I loved Tara with all my heart and more. If we go with your way of thinking then I killed her too."

"How? You didn't put the gun in the Warren's hand and you certainly didn't make him try to kill Buff'"

"No but if I hadn't been so caught up in dark magic then she would have never have left and we would never have been in that room that day."

"Will' you can't think like that you two could have been in that room for any reason. You'll drive your self crazy thinking like that."

"Sar' I don't I gave it up a long time ago. When Xander found me that day he didn't just save the world from me he saved me from my self. I grieved for Tara for what I had done and for me for the me that had lost that part of her life."

"I grieved. I moved on."

"You didn't greave you got angry you left Sunnydale for a while and you came back and never really talked about it again."

"I've talked about her."

"I talked to Faith about what happened when she was in Vegas with you she made it sound like she forced you in to talking about it and that more than anything you still blame yourself."

"Oh that's not totally true." Sara defended herself. "I blame her too."

"Sara Sidle stop this now."

"Tell me how and I'll do it, Will I told you I just want this to stop now. I don't want to live what feels like a double life sometimes and I don't want to feel like I killed Star forever."

"Deep down you already know What You need to do."

"Talk to Cath."

"Talk to Cath."

**OO**

"I'm not trying to change the subject it's not my fault your neck is just so darn appealing in fact I think I might just be in love with your neck all on its own. I mean look it's just so soft and creamy." Sara purred tracing the line of Catherine's neck with her lips.

"Mmmm." Was Catherine's only reply for a moment. "Sar please." She managed after a moment.

"Cath are you begging me to stop!" Sara raised a quizzical eyebrow.

"I begging you not to use sex as an excuse not to talk to me."

"Cath Sex with you is never an excuse."

"No well right now it feels like you're trying to get out of this conversation."

"I told you it's not my fault I'm only human and you're irresistible."

"Well try and resist because you're not getting in my pants till you talk to me."

"Are you sure?" Sara teased trailing her hand over Catherine's thigh and to the waist band of her Pants.

"Sar I mean it."

"Compromise." Sara offered smirking.

"What might that be?" Catherine rolled her eyes sometimes Sara was so persistent. Normally Catherine wasn't one to mind making love to Sara was amazing but in that moment all Catherine wanted was to talk about this.

"Yeah we can both get what we want. I'll answer your questions best I can and you get what you want, me I want you naked so in return for every answer I give you lose a piece of clothing."

"Compromise." Catherine grinned. "You lose cloths too." She told her crashing their lips together.

"That I can was live with." Sara panted after a moment.

"Good so get talking."

"Well I kind of can't till you ask me something." Sara teased running her hand under Catherine's blouse tracing her ribs.

"Sara if I ask will you really answer." Catherine held Sara's hands still as she looked her in the eye. There still a big part of Catherine that felt like Sara was going to put all her defenses back up at any moment and retreat in to her shell.

"Any thing Cath I know I have to stop hiding if we have a future you need to know my past and you need to know if you can live with it."

"I wont turn away." Catherine assured Sara gently kissing her lips.

"I hope not." Sara grimaced a little at the thought of losing Catherine and Lindsey was too much. "So come on ask."

"Wow I'm a little shaky here." Catherine smiled weakly. "I have no clue where to start I want to know so much right now."

"Take your time baby I'm not going anywhere." Sara smiled. "This isn't a once in a life time offer in fact you have a life time to find out everything you want to know."

"Ok." Catherine smiled taking a deep breath. "I guess what I really want you to do is start at the beginning and fill me in on everything I need to know."

"Good place as any to start." Sara sighed sitting up a little resting on her elbows.

"Come back baby." Catherine moaned tugging on Sara's side not wanting to lose the closeness they had been sharing.

"You come here." Sara dropped one elbow so she could pull Catherine towards her. I need to be holding you if you want me to tell you this." Sara pulled Catherine tighter kissing the top of her head. "I told you everything there was to know about growing up with my biological parents there is nothing I can add to that."

Catherine lay quietly in Sara's arms trying not to even breath to loud. After so long of just wishing Sara would open all the way up to her she was about to get her wish and there was no way she was going to interrupt and put Sara off. Knowing the things Sara had kept to her self in the past Catherine had a feeling she would have a lot of questions at some point she would just have to wait.

"Funny some people would think that the stuff I found out about after I put in to care was worse than growing up the way I did but I can't see that."

"How can anything be worse than what you grew up with?" Catherine broke her vow of silence at that little piece of information. Catherine really couldn't think of much worse than growing up the way Aaron and Sara had.

"Let me explain and you can make up your own mind."

Sara was quiet for a moment and Catherine let her gather her thoughts.

"I'll also understand if you want to leave after this. I mean I spend most of my time wondering if I'm safe to be around so I'll understand totally if you don't think I should be around you and Lind's any more."

"Baby why are you always waiting for me to throw you out don't you get it yet I'm here to stay by your side till they have to drag my dead corpse away."

"Don't say that I never want to think of you dead never." Sara begged with such emotion in her voice it scared Catherine a little.

"Baby tell me what's going on."

"The thing is this is hard harder that I thought it was going to be comes from all those years of protecting the secret above all else. See the thing is… well what it is… I mean… Ahhh!" Sara groaned with shear frustration and sat up on the bed. There just didn't seem the right words to tell Catherine out right so taking a deep breath Sara decided there was only one way to do this and that was exactly the way Catherine her self had suggested just take it from the top and tell the facts. "When I moved to Sunnydale I thought that everything bad was behind me." Sara started taking her place back At Catherine's side pulling close once more. "Didn't work out that way though. I mean my family were amazing my mom was like something out of better homes as far as I was concerned.

School was what changed me and my life as I knew it though. I met three amazing people Jessie McNally, Willow Rosenberg and Xander Harris we all met on the first day of our freshman year though Will and Xander have been friends since Kindergarten. They were the nerd squad for the rest of the school and for the rest of the school I had committed social suicide by choosing them."

"What about Ashleigh." Catherine asked. They had never had a in depth conversation about the woman Sara so fondly referred to as Star. The woman Catherine still felt had a small hold on Sara.

"Star," Sara chuckled lightly. "Star and I met a little after that. She found me under a tree and convinced me that I'd do better with human contact."

"She was right there you shouldn't shut your self away look what the world misses out on. Look what I was missing out on."

"We got there in the end." Sara assured her lover holding her close. "And as for Star well I hope she was the one thing back then in my life that didn't get a nudge from the out side."

"Who nudged you?" Catherine wondered aloud curiosity getting the better of her.

"Well you know that here in Vegas it's kind of known as the city of chance anything can and does happen?"

"Yeah." Catherine answered curiosity growing.

"Well in Sunnydale at least everything happens for a reason manipulated by someone this time it was the powers that be. You see we had to be friends because a year later this skinny blond would come to our town and she was going to need us know it or not. So there we were four kids who did their home work sometimes well Will did it all the time, went to class most of the time and hung out all the time. Then one day enter skinny blond and all hell brakes lose.

After knowing Buffy-Said skinny blond." Sara pointed out. "For about twelve hours Jessie had been taken and Star, Willow, Xander and I were faces with the reality that everything that we had ever believed to be true wasn't. See Jessie was taken by Vampires."

Sara paused and waited for Catherine's reaction. There was normally one of two flat out denial or laughter, on a rear occasion someone believed you but Sara found most of those people had at some point lived in Sunnydale.

"Vampires." Catherine sat up and looked Sara in the eye. "There's no such thing." Catherine stated matter of factly looking a little worriedly at Sara was her girlfriend delusional.

"Don't tell Angel that he hates when people say he's not real."

"Angel what does he have to do with this? Oh you're trying tell me that Angel is a vampire."

"Well let's look at the facts." Sara said no sign of frustration in her voice she had been prepared for a fare amount of scepticism. No one really believed in vampires and demons no one who hadn't fought with them anyway. "When was the last time you saw him out during the day when was the last time you saw him eat anything and aren't you the one telling me her looks too pale."

"He's around during the day I've seen him." Catherine pointed out.

"Ok but what do I always do before he comes down?"

"I have no idea."

"Close the blinds he can't be in direct sunlight."

"Well maybe he shouldn't humour you."

"Humour me." Sara smiled. "Be like that. Angel." Sara called out. "Come on man I know you can hear me."

"You called."

Angel appeared in the door way to Catherine and Sara's room with an apprehensive smile on his face.

"Have you been tuning in?" Sara asked looking at the look on his face.

"Well you're not just outing you."

"Well apparently I'm not outing anyone I'm delusional and you are humouring me."

"Yeah I got that bit." Angel smiled reassuringly at Sara "Would you like me to show her."

"Please." Sara nodded sitting up and matching Catherine's stance any moment not her girlfriend was going to need her.

"I'm sorry Catherine truly sorry." Angel took a step forward and let his true face show his eyebrows protruded and his eyes turned a demonic shade of yellow.

The thing that really caught Catherine's eye was his fangs. The man who had been sleeping in their guest room had fangs for god's sake.

"You're… You are… They're real."

"Want to listen now?" Sara asked pulling Catherine in to her arms.

OO

"She ok?" Angel had been watching Sara silently for a few moments and after witnessing her erratic movements he felt compelled to speak. He wasn't sure that Coffee whitener was going to work on Lindsey's school cloths.

"Yes…No…I don't know." Sara admitted throwing the jar in her hand back on the side and turning to her friend. Angel crossed the room in two of his long strides and pulled his friend in to a hug. "Squishing me." Sara pointed out with a small smile.

"Sorry." Angel returned her smile two fold.

"She asked if I could give her some time to think so I'm going back to mine I don't want to be here when she wants to dump me."

"She doesn't seem the type to just cut and run."

"I just told here everything that has ever happened to us and you just vamped out on her do you think she's going to come down and thank me."

"She might, if no other reason than you finally let her all the way in I'd than you for that."

"Well you are a vampire so nothing I said would have fazed you."

"Nothing Buffy said fazed Star, Will, Xander or you and none of you are vampires or had ever seen one before that moment"

"There could be hope you mean."

"You need to trust her a little more and you have to believe that you are worth the risk."

OO

"So my brother?" Sara asked.

"So my sister?" Nancy was quick to reply.

"Whom I told you about from the start," Sara pointed out. She wanted Nancy to know that she was ok with her and Aaron she was just a little hurt that Nancy herself had not told her. In all the years that they had known each other, they had never kept anything like this from each other. In fact Sara could only think of the fact that Nancy had never told her that Catherine liked her back was the only thing they had never shared.

"You're upset?" Nancy asked pulling one of her hands free to place it on Sara's cheek.

"That I found out by accident yes I'm a little hurt. I thought we trust each other better than that."

"I didn't keep it from you as a sign of mistrust. I…" Nancy trailed off looking up in to Sara's eyes. It was easy to see how you could lose yourself in Sara's intensely piercing gaze. "Part of me wanted to get to know your brother without you around."

"Not making me feel better."

"I'm not trying to, Sara I'm trying to explain how it was for me."

"Ok I'm Listening." Sara told her leaning into the touch of her hand on her cheek so she could kiss Nancy's palm.

"This." Nancy gestured to the position they were in. "Is part of the reason that I needed to be around him without you. Take out the fact that we're not physically intimate and you are the best partner I have ever had. You have helped Jeremy treat me like I never thought it was possible for mother to be treated and been so good to my sister at times she didn't deserve it."

"I'm blushing." Sara warned. "It'll go to my head."

"Yeah probably knowing you but it's the truth. When I started to get to know Aaron, it was nothing more than the two of us spending time with Lind's."

"It's more than that though." Sara didn't want to see her brother hurt.

"Yeah the more time I spent with him I noticed things about him. The most noticeable is he's totally hot." Nancy smiled using one of Lindsey's phrases.

"Nance please," Sara pretended to gag. "That's my brother you're talking about."

"He is though and he's warm, funny, understanding and very patient. These are just some of the things I know about him and they're also some of the things I know about you. I needed to know that I was seeing Aaron for Aaron and not just transferring my feelings."

"And what have you found out?" Sara asked kissing Nancy's nose.

"Your brother is amazing and I would love the chance to really get to know him. You are amazing too though and that will always be the same no matter who else is in my life."

Leaning down Sara gently pressed her lips to Nancy's ear "I love you too." Sara told her before kissing her ear.

OO

"Hey." Sara smiled from the door way to her apartment before standing aside to let Catherine in.

"Hey you." Catherine's voice was warm and thick with exhaustion. Sara smiled warmly letting the door click closed behind her and padded across the floor to join her girlfriend in the living room. Sara watched as Catherine curled up on the couch and yawned.

"Someone should be at home in bed." Sara pointed out sitting next to Catherine curling up to her and pulling her close. Catherine snuggled in to Sara's side resting her head in the crook of her neck. Catherine let out a contented groan she was almost as in love with Sara's smell as she was with Sara.

"I was." Catherine yawned once again. "But then I realised that I was never going to sleep as my girlfriend was across town sleeping alone across town and I had no idea why." Catherine said snuggling closer and placing a kiss on Sara's neck. Encouraged by the moan in response Catherine peppered kisses along Sara's neck making the younger squirm.

"I told you why." Sara whispered running her hands through Catherine's hair holding her away a little so that she could kiss her.

"Yeah well do I get a say in your exile." Catherine asked after a moment of catching her breath. Sara's kisses were just amazing.

"You need time to take in all the things that I told you."

"Let me see, you told me that the man staying in my guest room is a undead kill on a diet, that you fight demons sometimes and that your girlfriend died on graduation day killed by a colossal snake that was once town Mayor."

"Pretty much." Sara chuckled in to Catherine's ear as she kissed the older woman's neck."

"I don't need to get used to it I need a shrink baby. In the mean time though I need you at home with me. Sara I have no idea why you even keep this pla…" Catherine stopped mid sentence letting out a groan as pure ecstasy as Sara's hand grazed over her ribs and gently caressed the under side of her breasts.

"You must be cold." Sara smiled at Catherine's current state. "Your nipples are so tight shall I warm them up."

All Catherine managed was a sound something akin to a mewl which Sara took as a go ahead. Sara sat up straight moving Catherine around till she was straddling her waist. Taking both sides of Catherine's shirt running gentle fingers over skin that was exposed Sara cast Catherin's top to one side inhaling deeply to find her lover naked from the waist up.

"Like I said." Catherine smiled finding her voice. "I was in bed and thinking about you."

"No time for thinking." Sara told her with mock sternness before latching on to one of Catherine's nipples with her lips and tugging on the other one with skilled fingers. Catherin's higher brain functions shut down for a moment all she could feel was Sara's hands and mouth on her. It was all she wanted to know to tell the truth anything else she and Sara had to deal with could wait for them this time. Throwing her head back Catherine arched in to her lovers willing mouth. No one had ever made her body hum like this every part of her was alive and every part of her belonged to Sara.

"Baby!" Catherine wasn't aware that she was being called until warm hand cupped her cheeks and wiped them. "You're crying did I hurt you."

Catherine smiled at the panic on Sara's face she hadn't been aware that she was crying till Sara had pointed it out and she reached up touched her own cheek.

"Happy tears I promise you make me feel pretty amazing at times is all."

"Your sure." Sara asked looking deep in to Catherine's eyes. Sara knew that she got caught up in her feelings for Catherine sometimes the last thing she would want was to harm her lover.

"Really sure I'm sure of two other things too right now. First thing you have far to many cloths on right now for what you plan to start."

"Two many cloths check I can sort that out." Sara smiled slipping out of the UC Sunnydale T-shirt that she slept in. "Ok were working on cloths what next?"

"I never want to have to be alone and drive across town to find you the furthest you get to be from now on is down stairs baby move in."

""With you?" Sara asked monetarily stunned she had factored in being dumped not being asked to move in.

"Well unless you want to move in with Nicky."

"No thanks he's still pissed you made him leave the other day."

"Hey I made no one leave he walked out."

"Lets not talk about Nick he's killing the moment and my girlfriend just ask me to move in with her." Sara smiled pulling Catherine tighter bracing her self so she could stand up.

"Really Catherine smiled back wrapping her legs round Sara's waist to help keep their balance. "What do you plan on saying."

"Well I think since I told her everything about me and she still wants me around I might just say yes."

"Well in that case your girlfriend id a very lucky woman." Catherine beamed kissing Sara gently. She might have put more passion in to the kiss is she wasn't a little worried Sara might drop her if distracted. Sara was carrying her backwards through her apartment when their bodies finally collided Catherine didn't want it to be in a heap with possible broken limbs.

"No way." Sara replied lying Catherine on the bed. "She's the most amazing person on the planet and she wants me, I'm the luckiest bum alive and right now I plan to show her just how special I think she is."

OO

"You really are a bad penny." Sam told Angel as they stood at the top of an open elevator shaft. "I know the first time you were wearing a vest." He spoke calmly not once exhibiting the anger he felt towards the man who had come in to his town and poked his nose in to his business. "What little trick you pulled to be able to be stabbed I don't know and I really have no wish to find out men like you make me sick."

"Men like me?" Angel questioned. He wasn't the one about to throw a man down an open shaft. He technically he wasn't even a man any more but that was really splitting hairs. "You mean law abiding men?" Angel asked innocently.

"I mean men who come in to other people's towns and get involved in things that have nothing to do with them. Men who can't take what's coming to them when they break the rules."

"Ah I see." Angel smiled and Sam took an involuntary step back. It wasn't the smile he expected. It was a predatory hunter's smile and it scared him. "Well I have to disagree with that statement." Angel informed Sam taking a step towards him. Sam took another step back not wanting to be any closer to the now menacing figure. "Sara is very much my business and you hurting her even in the slightest brings down my wrath."

"Your wrath." Sam tried to laugh but Angel left no room for mirth this man was dangerous and Sam was amazed he had never seen this before. "Marcus." Sam crocked and the man that Angel recognised as the man who had admitted to stabbing Sara emerged from the darkened hall.

"Are good saves me coming to look for you after this." Angel turned to the new arrival. "I have to make sure that you can't ever lay another finger on Sara and I'm afraid that there is only one way to do that."

With Lightning fast moves neither man saw coming Angel seized Marcus around the neck and brought him to the open lift shaft.

"Sara really does mean a great deal to me and I can't have you hurting her."

"No man no way I swear to god I'll never touch her." Marcus pleading his feet dangling in mid air as Angel moved him further out over the open shaft. "I swear man I swear man." Marcus repeated over and over trying to pull at Angel vice like grip on his neck.

Angel staggered slightly as something solid connected with the back of his head. Sam was no Slayer though and the effect served nothing more than really annoying Angel. The anger bubbled to the surface and Angel let his face morph in to it's true demonic nature. Setting Marcus back on solid ground Angel spoke.

"The smart man runs right now and never looks back."

Not needed a second warning Marcus scrabbled along the corridor so fast he had trouble getting to his feet. As fast as he could he moved away from the monster that for some reason had just spared his life. Marcus wasn't a silly man and he realised that people like him didn't get second chances very often. There was no way he was hanging around to waist this one. Sam had never paid him enough for that.

"Really." Angel sighed turning to the very annoying Sam Braun. "Please I'm a 251 year old Vampire and I have snapped more necks with my bare hands than you have even thought about sending your lackey after why do you think hitting me on the head with a pole was going to hurt."

"You you're a, they don't exist."

"No I just put on my stage make up." Angel mocked smiling the artificial over head light glistening of off his fangs.

"I knew that woman was trouble I tried to warn Mugs." Sam mumbled and Angel shook his head for all Sam knew these where his last moments and he was still blaming Sara.

"You're trying my patients" Angel warned. "You really don't want to do that. So be a good boy and leave Sara alone from this moment on or I might be forced to kill you and think how much that would upset Catherine. Though." Angel smiled evilly. "I think with Sara by her side she might just get through it. I mean the way Catherine tells the story you two really aren't that close."

"What would you know about family you undead monster."

"I'm a monster." Angel chuckled and then with lightning fast moves Angel pinned Sam to the wall by the throat. "You are a sick sick man Mr Braun and I'll tell you what I know of family I know they love and protect each other so in that case I see Sara kind of like a little sister the kind I'd kill for." Just to emphasise his point Angel grazed his fangs over Sam's tender flesh. "So fresh. Now do I have dinner or do we have a deal."

"You won't get away with this. I'll tell people the truth."

"Really old man you're going to start talking about vampires that I would love to see." Angel let out a bark like laughter. "You would be finished here in this city in matter of weeks. The great Sam Braun reduced to a raving nutter. No one wants to believe in vampires and no one will."

"Mugg's will listen to me." Sam was certain.

"Yes she might, no she will but who's side do you think she'll be on since she has sworn to keep the secret."

"Mugg's knows?"

"Everything and she still asked Sara to move in, so I say again Mr Braun breath a word and you're finished."

Sam slumped back to the wall all the fight leaving him. For the first time in a very long time he knew he was beaten. The vampire was right there was no way he could tell anyone this he would be committed and with this kind of protection he would have to wait for the meddling brunette to mess up before he took action again.

"Good." Angel smiled "I take it you see things my way."

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**Thanks for reading please don't make me beg again!**


	41. Not The First Bump

**Ok so my begging didn't work but here's the next chapter anyway Chapter 42 needs some work so I'm thinking some reviews might make that whole proses just a little quicker!****  
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"I never noticed how many 'for your eyes only reports and lab results' come your way." Catherine admitted holding a manila file out to Sara.

"You're taking this too well." Sara frowned perplexed.

"Well what do you want?" Catherine asked kissing Sara's nose. "I can pout if you want."

Sara smiled, she liked that they could have little moments at work now that the others knew about their relationship.

"I just didn't think you would take the news that I'm basically here as a government plant so well."

"Sara you are a good CSI, no matter what reason you're here and I'm just damn proud that my girlfriend not only keeps the streets safe from rapist and killers but she keeps it safe from other things too."

"Yeah I just felt so bad at times. You all worked so hard to be here and I just wanted to be a fighter, I wanted to stay with the slayer."

"See there's the bit I'm having most trouble with. The fact, that our daughter could have been a slayer."

"Wow there's a thought I'd never have considered on Scooby meetings, if you were the slayers mom."

"I have a feeling I wouldn't have gotten a second look."

"I can assure you of one thing Cath. No matter where, no matter when you would get a second look. Now get out of here and enjoy your night out With Nick, before I'm forced to lock your office door and make a mess of you on the desk."

"See that sounds like an interesting plan, but you're right, Nick and I need this."

"Yeah and I have to go wax Greg's car. He really wanted to go with you guys."

"Thank you again for that. It means a lot that you would go to so much trouble to keep this just me and Nick."

"Just don't tell Nick." Sara smiled.

"Deal," Catherine smiled back heading for the door. "Hey what are you going to do tonight?"

"Well Angel is leaving town as soon as it's dark, so I'll hang out with him for a bit."

"What did he do to Sam by the way?"

"I have no idea what you mean." Sara smiled.

"He took us to dinner with mom just after the Lois O'Neill case and he was nice to us."

"He's in one piece, so don't worry, Angel can just be very persuasive. Now go, Nick will be waiting."

**OO**

"I'll be back soon enough." Angel reassured Sara when it was clear that she was not letting go any time soon.

"Yeah sorry," Sara laughed nervously. "I just never realised how much I miss you guys till you were here and now you're leaving."

"You miss washing blood out of your clothes."

"Good times."

"Actually yes," Angel smiled "Time moves on but in here." He placed a cold hand over Sara's heart. "Still a Scooby."

"Scooby till I die."

"Well just don't make that anytime soon Sidle. I have a soft spot where you're concerned."

"Ah love you too man."

**OO**

"Cath baby, thank god, where are you? Are you ok?" Sara shut her eyes and ran her hands through her hair. She was officially worried, Catherine had gone out after shift and this was the first time she had heard from her.

"I need you baby."

"Ok where ever, you are I'm there."

"Sunfair Motel room 229. Please hurry I need you."

"Ok just tell me what happened?"

"Not now please, Sar' baby just get here."

**OO**

Breaking about every speed and traffic law she knew Sara pulled up in the parking lot of the Sunfair motel 13 minutes later. The moment she stepped out of the car and looked around at her surroundings she just knew that some thing was really wrong.

This was the sort of place that Catherine would only been found in if she was processing a crime scene or dead.

Taking the stairs two at a time she made her way up to the room that Catherine had directed her to. She stopped outside for a moment gathering her strength, she was quite sure she was not going to like what she found in there.

"Cath," Sara knocked gently on the door and waited for an answer.

"It's open," Came the muffled reply from the room.

Sara pushed the door ajar and stepped in the room. The picture that greeted her, she was pretty sure, would stay with her for a very long time.

"Cath baby," Sara managed to croak at the sight of Catherine. Her normal happy fun loving bright eyed beautiful girlfriend looked broken and desperate her hair was a damp and tussled, her make up smeared and her skin pale and clammy, sat on the edge of the bed dressed only in her slip. "Baby talk to me what happened." She pleaded with her. She crossed the room to crouch at Catherine's feet and when she got no reply she reached up to cup her cheek. Catherine stiffened at the touch for a moment but Sara held still hardly daring to breathe, after a moment Catherine softened leaning into Sara's hand.

"I woke up here." Catherine admitted after a moment.

"Cath?" Sara probed for more information.

"I don't know baby I think I was roofed and raped," Catherine state matter-of fact, emotionless.

"Wow!" Sara exclaimed falling back on her heals. She had expected something along those lines but hearing those words from Catherine's perfect mouth was almost too much.

Catherine steeled herself for Sara's rejection, she was pretty sure Sara would want nothing to do with her now that she was 'tainted'. It really had all been too good to be true. No one in the world really deserved to be treated as well as Sara treated her, it all had to come to an end.

Noticing the reaction play on Catherine's face Sara mentally kicked herself for her initial reaction. Jumping up quick, she sat on the edge of the bed and placed her hand on her arm.

"You took me by surprise." Sara told her, sitting a little closer when Catherine didn't pull away. "I mean you went out with Nicky so I guessed you were safe for that part of the night at least. When you didn't come home, my over active imagination came up with all sorts of things. I was going mad because I have been so worry, to hear you confirm my fear is a little…." She paused trying to find a word that would cover where they found themselves.

"Intense."

"Yeah but this is about you and I love you baby no matter what. I know I can be a jerk but baby I'm not turning back now because the road is looking a little tough." Sara told her, holding her arm's open and much to her relief Catherine fell in to them.

"Not the first bump in the road though is it." Catherine sighed "I think you would be better without me."

"Never baby, please don't say that. I though that I had lost you last night and I really didn't think I was going to go on breathing."

"But look at us, you told me you loved me when you were laying dying in the break room,"

"You did hear that." Sara smiled cutting in she never had been sure.

"Yeah and then there was the fact that you were stabbed and nearly died on our first date or the fact that Sam stabbed you. Should I go on?"

"Well you could add the fact that it took us this long to finally trust each other."

Catherine sat sobbing in Sara's arms as she picked up where she had left of.

"Baby one thing you never mentioned though was that I love you. You are my everything, and I was so lost last night at home going mental, thinking of all the things that might have happened. Thinking that you might have found some one who was better, But no you were here, getting hurt and I was nowhere to be found." Sara sighed as she moved Catherine around so she could look into here eye's. "You don't get rid of me like that Cath. We can do this however you want, just don't try to shut me out."

"I had a shower. I felt so dirty. I still feel dirty."

"Baby you're beautiful, as beautiful now as you ever have been." Sara paused choosing her next words as best she could. "You've been a CSI longer than I have and you know how this works."

"I know having a shower kills evidence and I put my own kit together."

"Cath," Catherine silenced Sara with a finger to her lips.

"I just want to know who did this to me."

"Ok well I can help with that." Sara said pulling herself up and pulling Catherine with her. "I'll get my kit and I'll process the room A.S.A.P."

"No!" Catherine cried venomously.

"Baby what?" Sara asked confused.

"I want, no, need you with me."

"What do you want then baby? If you want answers you need this room."

"I need you." Catherine stated once again. Sara watched Catherine closely and realised that this was more than about the room and more about her needing Sara to prove what Catherine meant to her and more importantly that it hadn't changed.

" What about the room?"

"Your phone," Catherine asked holding her hand out, flipping it open when Sara placed it in her hand. Sara watched Catherine quizzically as she scrolled through Sara's contact list. Deciding that she would go with her no matter what, Sara turned from her looking for the dress she had been wearing the night before when she had left work with Nicky.

'_The dress I brought that some dirty shit had put there hands all over when they had taken advantage of her Catherine.'_ She closed her eyes shaking the thoughts away _'This wasn't about her.'_

"Buy me a new one." Catherine's voice broke in to her thoughts as if reading her mind. She turned to her pulling her close.

"I'll get you anything you want baby."

"Aaron's coming."

"What?"

"I want someone to process this room and I want someone who can be trusted and other than you that's Aaron."

Sara closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose she was so going to have a really bad headache by the time this day was through. If she got through it with out punching some one it would be one of the best days ever.

"Where's the car?" Catherine asked pulling Sara from her thoughts.

"Out the front, I'm not even sure I locked it. I just ran up here."

"Sar'."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

"What for? You've done nothing wrong. This wasn't your fault, someone did this to you baby and I swear I'll do whatever it takes. Whatever you want me too to help."

**OO**

Sara sat in the car and waited as Catherine spoke to Aaron. She was a time bomb waiting to go off, she realised as she looked down at her hands on the steering wheel and noticed blood on her hands where her nails had dug into the palm and she hadn't even noticed. She watched Catherine hug the make shift rape kit to herself and she tried not to picture what Catherine had been through.

The sound of the door slamming startled Sara, she had zoned out and not noticed that Catherine had joined her in the car.

"Az ok?" She asked watching her brother ascend the stairs slightly of to their right.

"Talk to me Sara." Catherine pleaded as she took in Sara's ridged stance.

""I should be asking you that." She tried to smile taking the box from Catherine and placing it on the back seat before taking Catherine's hand in her own and entwining their finger's.

"I'm ok baby, really I just want you to be ok and I want to help."

"You're here, that is so much right now." Catherine assured her.

"If that's all I can do for now then I promise I won't be leaving your side till you order me away." Sara smiled a little.

"Good because later when I lose it totally, I'll need you there to hold me."

"Consider it done." Sara promised.

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**=) thanks for reading **

**PPPPPLLLLLEEEEEAAAASSSEEEEE review!  
**


	42. Half a Heart

**Sorry had this a couple of days but my net has been down, anyway hope you like please let me know. **

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"So you want me to hang around while you run this." Sara asked standing in the door way of the lab watching Catherine closely. Sara had had a chance to calm down on the drive to HQ and she was just worried what effect the events of the last twenty-four hours were going to have on Catherine.

She was strong and determined but Sara had already seen under that armour the vulnerable woman that lived under her skin and the last thing she wanted was to see her hurting like this.

"Please." Catherine almost begged, the only strength she felt she had right in that moment was coming from Sara.

Sara watched closely for any signs that Catherine wasn't holding up as she started to process the tampon from her make shift kit. Her hands shook slightly and Sara moved without second thought encircling Catherine in her arms from behind

"Baby you're, ok you're safe now, I've got you." Sara cooed into her ear as she rocked her gently. "Look let me do this."

"No." Catherine told her leaning into her touch. "I need to do this," She paused and Sara waited she knew she was trying to figure the next part in her head first. "What if…" Her voice was a whisper and Sara strained a little to hear. "If… He… If… I was." Catherine stumbled over her words.

"If you were raped, if that's what happened, then I'll still love you and we will deal with this together." Sara told her entwining their fingers.

Catherine looked down at their joined hands, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Pulling away a little she turned in Sara's embrace and kissed her gently before disentangling herself. Catherine headed back to the bench and began her work. Sara was a little happier to notice her hands' did not shake as much.

"Oh, hey," Wendy smiled walking in to the lab greeting both CSI's. "You got to be pulling a double if you're in my lab at this hour."

"Yeah," Catherine answered not looking up.

"Hey Wend'." Sara smiled as she walked past her.

"What's up? You need a hand?"

"No. Thanks." Came Catherine's answer her tone was becoming annoyed and she still did not look up. So Wendy looked to Sara.

"Boss Ladies got it." Sara smiled trying to make sure Wendy was okay, Catherine could be scary at times.

"Oh. ABA card. It's negative for semen." Wendy commented.

"I said I didn't need your help." Catherine snapped.

Sara was pretty sure a fight was brewing, Catherine was in the mood to snap at anything and as much as she was willing to let her get it out of her system, she was sure that the others would want to know what was going on and what had gotten Catherine so upset.

"So Wend' what is this I hear about you and Hodges?"

"What?" Wendy asked wheeling around.

"Well rumour has it that…."

"What rumour?" Wendy demanded not letting Sara finish.

"Well now I think about it, it's not a rumour if it comes from the source, right?"

"Excuse me." Wendy addressed them both as she stormed out.

"Thank you." Catherine gave her a small smile walking up to her at the door.

"Well I figured that you could do without Wend's enthusiasm."

Catherine cupped her cheek and Sara closed her eyes leaning in to the touch. As much as she told herself this was all about Catherine, she couldn't hold her emotions in check as Catherine touched her. Sara had been through every emotion while Catherine had been gone and there in front of her was nearly too much.

"Hey." Catherine smiled as Sara opened her eye.

"I'm ok." Sara told her leaning forward slowly giving Catherine the chance to pull away. When she didn't she place a gentle kiss one her lip's. "Come on let's get this other stuff to Hodges before there's nothing left of him."

**OO**

After being busted by Grissom for nearly making out at a crime scene once, Sara and Catherine had agreed that all contact at the lab should be strictly professional. It would have taken the most dangerous monster Sara had ever faced and more to make her let go of Catherine's hand as they walked to trace. By the way that Catherine squeezed her hand every now and again Sara was sure she was doing the right thing for her.

"Oh, thank you, but there's no drinking or eating allowed in the lab." Was Hodges smart reply as Catherine placed the urine sample on the desk.

As before Sara was hanging back by the door ready to do anything Catherine needed in a second.

"What? You can't be that far from her?" Hodges challenged Sara.

"How's Wendy." Sara shot back with a smile.

"That was you."

"Prove it."

"Look it's a urine sample." Catherine told Hodges trying to focus the lab tech.

"My bad."

"Get it to Tox. And," She passed her the tampon. "Check this for spermicide. Call me with the results.

"Did you run out of proper swabs?"

"Just do it." Sara hissed at him

"What's the case number?"

"Consider this a proficiency exam." Catherine told him grabbing Sara's hand leaving the lab

**OO**

"Come on." Sara said pulling Catherine by the hand into her office, "Let's just calm down a little."

"Calm down." Catherine pulled her hand from Sara's and slammed her door. "How the hell am I meant to calm down?"

"Ok wrong choice of words maybe, but I can't stand seeing you like this." Sara told her trying to get her to sit down.

"I never felt this dirty this cheap when I was a stripper." She told Sara not meeting her eye as she passed the room.

"You have never been cheap Cath, never. Look at you you're perfection. Baby, dirty is just going to be a side affect of what you've been through."

"What would you know, were you there this morning when I woke up?"

Catherine regretted the words the moment that they had left her mouth. She had been lashing out but the last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt Sara. She had been so good to her so supportive over everything that had happened. The pain that flashed in Sara's eyes told Catherine that she had hit a real nerve with her comment and she realised in an instant that Sara was beating herself up over what had happened already. Catherine watched as the woman she loved emotion's pass over her face. Catherine hated herself in that moment for throwing that in Sara's face. Sara had been amazing almost a god send, the last thing she wanted to do was hurt her.

"Come here."

Catherine was sure she was hallucinating for a moment but Sara's arms around her were as real as ever.

"I know I wasn't there. I have never felt as useless as I did last night and I do right now. Where was I when you needed me and now what can I do for you. But I know this isn't about my ego baby, this is about you, my queen. That's what you are and no matter what happened last night that's what you will always be. Now let's go home and take another shower and then another one and if you still feel the need, we'll take another one."

**OO**

"Nice and warm," Sara smiled reassuringly at her girlfriend. Sara had never seen Catherine look so lost and defeated as she sat on the side of the bath hugging her robe tightly. "Baby," Sara held out her hand for Catherine to take and once she did she pulled her to her, holding her tight. "Do you want me to leave you alone?" Sara asked, willing to do anything to make Catherine feel more comfortable.

"No, please stay."

"Anything for you, you know that baby just tell me what you need."

"I don't know, we spend so much time following the evidence, we can't get drawn into every case that we handle. We can't… we'd go mad in the end. But I feel like a victim, I feel dirty and weak and I can't stand it."

"You Catherine Willows are the strongest person I know and what happened only happened because they drugged you Cath. You would have fought tooth and nail in any other situation. They are the real cowards here, they had to drug you. So your moment starts now, you feel weak, we'll lets prove that you're not ,lets work this out, face what happened and move on together."

"Together?"

"Always baby, long haul remember,"

"Even now?"

"What changed? Why would I want you less now than I did last night?"

"I wasn't damaged last night."

"And to me you're still no. So come on, get in the Shower and use all the hot water."

"Get in with me."

"Are you sure?"

"I want to feel your strong arms around me and remember what it feels like to be loved and respected."

"Your wish," Sara smiled bowing extravagantly.

**OO**

They drove to the bar in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Sara just wanted to hit someone anyone would do at that point she wasn't about to be fussy. She had never felt so inactive in her life, and that needed to stop. Catherine kept running her shower through her mind, she had felt so safe and warm in Sara's arms and she had never wanted to leave their safety. She knew she needed to get her car though and wanted to talk to whoever they could find that afternoon.

"Thank you baby," Catherine smiled at Sara as the car stopped.

"What for?" Sara asked puzzled.

Catherine reached her free hand over, pulling Sara's hand into her own, entwining their fingers.

"I have no idea what I'd do if I was doing this on my own."

"I do, you'd be doing this." Sara told her. "Baby you're strong and resourceful and no way would you let this go. But never think you'll be on your own, I'm here right by your side forever."

"Forever?"

"Promise,"

As they pulled to a stop in the car park they both instantly recognised Catherine's car. Sitting for a moment Catherine gave her hand another squeeze before they got out of the car. Walking up to it she clicked the central locking device on her key chain and car beeped it's self to life.

"Well every thing looks to be here." Sara told her leaning into the car from the passenger side. "Gun too." she looked slightly confused as she checked the glove box and found her weapon in its holster.

"You would have stolen my gun." Catherine managed to smile a little.

"I'd have taken the whole car."

"What are you thinking?" Catherine asked.

Sara had that looking her in eye, it had been dubbed the Sidle look because Aaron was know to sport the same look in his eye when he was trying to figure some thing out.

"Something just doesn't add up." Sara told her still not sure of what was out of place. "Nothing was taken." Sara said aloud and regretted it the moment she did. "I mean nothing of monetary value because what he did he take from you, and oh god strike me down," Sara moaned banging her fist on the roof of her car.

"I know what you mean." Catherine reassured her, holding her hand.

"Thank god, why not take you in your car? If I was going to drug a random girl in a bar I'd check for a car even if it meant coming back for it."

"So what are you saying?"

"I don't know yet."

**OO**

"Anything?"

"Flashbacks but nothing solid, John Mayer was playing, Nick was dancing with some blond."

"What about him?" Sara asked motioning towards the bar where the bar man was working.

"I'm not sure." Catherine was getting frustrated.

"Hey it's ok you're doing fine." Sara was by her side in a second. "We'll go talk to him and if nothing comes back it's not your fault."

Sara took her hand and led her over to the bar.

"Excuse me."

Sara leant against the bar pulling Catherine to her side. She watched as the bar tender turned and walk towards them

"What can I do you for?"

"You were working last night?" Catherine asks pretty sure she remembered him.

"Always, I own the place."

"Do you remember me? I was ... I was here."

"Was a busy night, I'm sorry."

"Well ... do you have any surveillance cameras in the place?" Sara asked eyeing the area for cameras

"What's this about?"

Catherine pulled out her ID and Sara following suit did the same "We're with the Crime Lab."

"Yeah, we have cameras but it just covers the cash register."

"So you've got nothing that covers the customers or the dance floor, or ...?" Catherine asked getting clearly frustrated.

"No need to."

Catherine turned her body to Sara cutting the bar man from the conversation.

"I was at the bar, just watching Nicky have fun, taking a drink. That's the last thing I remember."

"Hey stop beating yourself up. You were drugged and I think you're doing good."

"Yeah, now come on lets get you home and I'll finish up at the lab."

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**Thanks for reading =) please review **


	43. Never

**Sorry this has taken so long but I'm having major laptop problems so I'm letting you have this for now and as soon as I can I will let you have some more. **

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"Hey what's been up with Cath?" Nick asked wandering into the lab Sara was using to finish of hers and Catherine's work so that she could get home to the woman she loved and hear all about Lindsey's dance rehearsal.

"Nick if you want to know something about Cath, ask her." Sara told him not looking up; she had had the urge to hit someone all day and now Nick was standing within range that feeling was stronger than ever. Nick had left Catherine without checking she was ok and without knowing if she was going to make it home ok. The fact that she hadn't and her girlfriend was going through one of the worst things imaginable made Nick a prime candidate for Sara's pent up anger. She knew she couldn't mention any of this to Nick without betraying Catherine's trust, all Sara could do was prays Nick would walk away before her anger got the better of her.

"I would but I haven't seen her since last night properly. Guessing she got home ok though." Nick pointed out as he turned to leave. The next think Nick knew, he was lying on his back and Sara was pounding on him with all she had, and Greg and Grissom had to pull her off.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Nick fumed holding the side of his face.

"You, Nick you're my problem." Sara said straining against Greg trying to get at Nick.

"Hey calm down." Greg told her gripping her around the waist.

"Sara, stop it now," Grissom demanded, standing between Sara and her intended target. "I have no idea what has gotten into you, I could suspend you, and you know that, right?"

"Right now I don't care."

"What is going on? What has Nick done to you?"

"I haven't done anything to her, tell them." Nick demanded.

Sara slumped back into Greg's grip breathing heavy, there was nothing she could say without breaking Catherine's trust in her.

"He did nothing to me!" Sara told them.

"Go home Sara." Grissom told her sternly.

"My pleasure,"

**%%**

Catherine pulled up outside Lindsey's dance class and sounded her horn. From the look on her daughter's face she was pretty sure she was in for a hard time. She was not so sure how we'll she was going to cope without Sara by her side, her thoughts turned to her young lover. If she was ever to doubt the way Sara feels about her, all she would ever have to do would be to think back to today. Catherine was pretty sure that most people would have been repulsed by what she had told them but Sara's only thought had been that she had not been there to protect her.

Lindsey slamming the door broke her thoughts.

"You're late." Her young daughter accused.

Sighing Catherine started the car "I did the best I could, Lindsey."

"You said you would watch the rehearsal."

"Work just ... really got out of hand."

"Surprise," Lindsey scowled resting back in her seat.

The tense silence in the car was broken by the beeping of Catherine's cell phone, wishing that it was Sara, but for once she was not disappointed to see Hodges' name on her screen.

SWAB SPERMICIDE NEGATIVE. HODGES

Probably the best news she had in the hell that had been the last twenty-four hours. All she could think of was sharing the news with Sara.

"Lindsey. I really am sorry. I hate it when work gets in the way. I love to watch you dance."

"Fine. Whatever," She paused for a moment before adding a little shyly "I got a solo."

"You did? That's so great! Wait till you tell Sara. She will be so proud of you."

"Really, you think? It's Romeo and Juliet."

"Of course hun, you know how proud she is when you dance."

"Where is she anyway?"

"She had to finish….."

Catherine's words were cut short by a thunderous crash and a jolt as a car ran into the side of hers.

**%%**

"Hey baby." Sara answered her cell after checking caller ID. She was pleased to see Catherine's number after the madness that had just descended on her. It was nice to hear Catherine's voice almost grounding for her.

"They took her! She's gone!" Was the only reply she got and it confused Sara for a moment.

"Took who?" Sara asked immediately worried, pressing a little harder on the gas.

"A car ploughed in to me, they took Linds out off the back. I lost Lindsey. I lost our little girl. I'm so sorry."

Catherine broke down on the other end of the phone and Sara's heart broke too. Not only had someone taken their baby, but Catherine was obviously blaming herself.

"Cath listen to me, none of this is your fault baby ok. We'll get her back, now where are you?"

"I lost her." Catherine was almost frantic and Sara was sure that she really wasn't hearing what she was saying. She pressed on the gas a little harder she just wanted to be there with Catherine.

"Not your fault baby, tell me where you are?" Sara pushed for the information, trying to get Catherine to stay with her.

**%%**

Sara pulled up just behind one of the ambulances and leapt from her car. Looking franticly around, it only took her a moment to find Catherine and Warrick.

"Baby," Sara called Jogging over to them. Catherine threw herself at Sara, pulling her down with her as she sank to the pavement. "Ok baby I got you, she's going to be fine. I'm going to find her, I promise you that." she told her cupping her cheeks and lifting her face so she could look in her eyes and see she meant every word.

"Rick, what we got?" she asked helping Catherine up and holding her close. Catherine rested her head on Sara's chest closing her eyes for a moment, taking strength from her lover's strong embrace. Lindsey was still missing but Sara was here with her and that was half the battle won.

"Look, like who ever did this had a plan. Cath found acceleration tracks on the road."

Sara pulled Catherine a little of the side as one of the attending officers called Warrick away.

"You think this has anything to do with what happened?"

"Yes." Catherine was adamant she didn't need to think about her answer.

"You seem very sure." Sara told her moving a little of the blonds hair from her face gently before kissing her forehead.

"Well you're the one who thought there was more going on." Catherine pointed out not being put off by Sara's touch she knew Sara was worried about her. "You were right my rape was staged."

"You weren't actually raped." Sara couldn't hide her relief of everything she had heard since Catherine's call just that morning this was the best by fare."

"No." Catherine placed her hand on Sara's cheek in a reassuring gesture.

"That's so good to hear." Sara told her kissing Catherine's palm gently. "Look no matter what we'll get her back and get through this."

"I love you."

"I love you more."

**%%**

"I should've told you, but I didn't want a sermon. I did my own rape kit. It came back negative." Catherine told Grissom holding tight to Sara's hand. Neither cared about Grissom's rule about not letting their personal relationship interfere in work, their daughter was missing and that was all that mattered.

"Thank God. These events have to be connected. We'll check you're old cases for possible suspects."

"We think so." Sara spoke for the first time in a while. Her world was crumbling around her, never had she had anything to call a family for longer than a little while and just as she thought things could change, they wanted to take it all over again.

"I'll ask Ecklie if he can kick in some help from day shift."

"We appreciate that."

"You've got to stay at arm's length, Catherine." Grissom told her. "That won't be a problem for you Sara. You are suspended till next week and just thank yourself luck Ecklie wasn't there to see you."

"What are you suspending her for?" Catherine asked looking form Sara to Grissom."

"You didn't tell her?" Grissom asked.

"We have had other things to talk about." Sara pointed out firmly believing that Lindsey was more important than Nick.

"What happened?" Catherine asked trying to keep her cool.

"I hit Nick." Sara stated matter of fact, in her mind Nick had gotten off lightly.

"You…Why? It wasn't Nick's fault." Catherine told her firmly.

"If you say so,"

**%%**

"You…. what are you still doing here you, crazy?"

"Nick." Sara grounded his name out between gritted teeth as she took a seat in the garage and pulled Catherine onto her lap.

"Any luck on the prints." Catherine asked not willing to let this descend in to a farce.

"Nothing but partials,"

"That's impossible."

"I ran the VIN number on the cougar that hit you. A place sold it yesterday for cash. Catherine I'm sorry for leaving you there."

"Don't go there Nick, they were going to get me one way or another. It had to be two guys one driving the cougar and the other driving the SUV." Catherine informed them pushing closer to Sara, Sara was all she had at that moment all that she needed in her arms she believed they would sort this all out.

"At least I know why you were hitting me now." Nick sighed shaking his head.

"Yeah next time you take a lady out make sure she gets home safe." Sara told him holding Catherine close. "Cath," Sara rocked her gently. "Hey."

Sara looked concerned at Catherine she had spaced out on them. "Baby?" she shook her a little. Her phone ringing finally caught her attention.

"He reached through the window print the inside handle."

"Okay." Nick shrugged nodding to Sara as she stood and followed Catherine out of the garage.

He listened to Catherine's side of the conversation patiently waiting for her to finish. There was nothing they could do to help this case at the moment and as CSI's that was the hardest thing for them to take. It was ingrained in them to follow the evidence and now there little girl was missing there was nothing they could do.

"I have to go some where." Catherine told him a couple of moments after she hung up.

"Ok I'll come with you."

"No."

"Baby what's going on."

"I need to do something and I need you to trust me."

"I do with my life it's not that, I've left you alone twice in the last twenty-four hours and both times you got hurt and they even took Linds."

"Not your fault."

"I promised I'd always protect you both."

"Baby all we can do is our best and we love you no matter what."

**%%**

"Where's Warrick or Nicky?" Catherine asked striding into the break room to find Sara alone. She was the last person Catherine had wanted to run in to. After seeing Sam and realising that it was because she was related to him that they were in danger she found just the thought of looking in to Sara's eyes difficult.

"Um Nicky is still running the prints from the car and I haven't seen 'Rick in a while."

"Ok." Catherine sighed turning to leave.

"Hey Cath wait up." Sara called jogging after her.

"What?" she asked her not even slowing down.

"Where did you go, are you ok?"

"God sake Sara I'm not your property." She snapped regretting it before she had finished speaking as the hurt registered on Sara's face.

"I know but with everything I was worried. I'll just give you some time then." Sara went to walk away trying to hide her hurt.

"Sar' look," Catherine sighed what was she doing, pushing away her safety raft? Well she knew with Lindsey was missing it was down to her family tree.

"No s'ok, I get it Linds is missing and I'm not helping."

"That's not it." She called after her retreating form.

"Hey Cath," Warrick called from the other direction.

Sara watched on from the Break-room door as Catherine handed something over to Warwick and then within moments Nick joined them. She was really hurting now on top of everything Catherine was shutting her out and that was too much to take. Catherine's trust in her was all Sara had if that was faltering then she really was that no good waste her parents had raised.

**%%**

"Catherine, I know this is really hard, okay, but could you take a break or get a cup of tea or something. Your woman looks like she could use you right now."

"'Rick how do I go in there and tell Sara that we're going through this because Sam is my father?"

"You think she'll blame you?"

"Yeah, you have no idea how much she loves Linds, she'd kill to protect her and she's in danger because of my father."

"Cath do you have any idea how much she loves you?" Warrick asked surprised. "She'll always feel the same no matter who your dad is. Linds is missing and she wants to be there for you what do you think she's thinking right now?"

"That I don't need her."

"Go tell her you do."

"I think I got something." Nick told them walking in the room waving Sara to join them, he was pretty sure she would want to hear this too.

As soon as she walked in the room Catherine made a bee line for her pulling her into a hug. Turning in Sara's arms they faced Nick.

"What?"

"Mandy ran the print that I picked up from your car, and it's a match to an open burglary case, from a few months ago. I think this was yours, Warrick."

"Oh, this is from this couple from San Francisco. Bought a second home in Seven Hills, came back and found it tossed."

"The chair!"

They all look at the photo of Lindsey.

"Where the hell did you get that and why did no one tell me?" Sara looked accusingly at the three occupants of the room. Both Nick and Warrick held there hands up in surrender and she turned to Catherine.

"Sam had it, that's where I went."

"He knows who did this?"

"No, but they want money from him."

Sara pulled away from Catherine.

"You kept this from me, why?"

"Look guys fight later find, Linds now." Warrick told them as he was pulling out his cell with the intention of calling brass.

**%%**

"Lindsey?"

No matter how hard they tried it was hard for Catherine and Sara to hold back knowing their daughter was in there and having no clue what was happening to her.

"Mmm!"

Catherine and Sara turn to each other at the sound of muffled cries from the room just in front of them. Somehow instinctively they both knew it was Lindsey.

"Where are you Linds?" Catherine called running a head of the others.

Following the muffled cries the group find Lindsey tied to chair in the middle of the room in front of them.

"Lindsey!" Catherine raced down the few stairs and to her daughters' side reaching out for her.

"Catherine! Don't touch her!" Warrick was the quickest to react. "If you want a conviction, you have to let me do this, all right? Let me do it, all right?"

"Cath baby he's right." Sara told her holding her from behind guiding her a safe distance away. "We're here, we found her, and she's safe, now."

They both watched on as Warrick knelt in front of Lindsey working on removing the tape from her eyes and mouth.

"We're here baby; your mom and I are here. It's going to be ok."

"I'm right here. I'm right here. I'm right here." Catherine encouraged as Warrick removed the tape from Lindsey's mouth. "Deep breaths,"

"Yeah Linds deep breaths, we're here and you're doing fine."

"We're here." Catherine echoed Sara's words leaning heavily into Sara. Guessing that her legs couldn't hold them both Sara guided them to the floor just as Warrick managed to remove the tape holding Lindsey to the chair and she fell in to Catherine's waiting arms.

"Mom, Sar'"

"I got you, we're here." Catherine assured her daughter holding her tight. She was more than relieved to feel Sara's arms around both her and her daughter.

"Mom?"

"It's okay. It's okay, baby. It's okay. Everything's okay."

"Yeah baby everything is going to be fine. We're going to get you out of here now and it's going to be fine. I'm never letting you get hurt again baby."

**%%**

"How's Lindsey?" Grissom asked watching Catherine watch their suspect through the glass window to his room. He was chained to the bed and had a police guard somehow, though Grissom still felt uncomfortable with his friend being so close to him.

"She says she's fine." Catherine sigh, her mind flashing back to the moment she had found her daughter tapped to that chair. "The Dr is assessing her now. We still don't have an Id."

"Where's Sara?" Grissom wondered handing over the file he was holding.

"She may never leave Lindsey's side again after this."

"Prints put him in the motel. Found them on the Polaroid paper slip. Can you place him at the bar?"

Closing her eyes for a moment Catherine tries to recall as much of that night as she can.

"Yeah, yeah he was there."

"The accident was a two-man job. Can you remember anybody else?"

"I can't get a face."

**%%**

"I ran DNA on the guy who was holding Lindsey." Wendy held out a file in Catherine and Sara's direction.

"Did you get a name?" Catherine asked.

"Um, kind of, See, this guy has markers that are found in, like, ten percent of the population, which reminded me of some other results that I'd been processing recently."

"Thirteen alleles in common with Robert O'Brien?" Sara question with frowned.

"The suicide from Sam Braun's implosion party," Sara shook her head, looking at Catherine. Sam had had the nerve to tell her that she was bad for Catherine and Lindsey.

"The guy who grabbed Lindsey is Robert O'Brien's brother?" Catherine queried for clarification.

"Right, so when that came up, I ran all the other exemplars from the O'Brien case, and I got a hit on a piece of hair from the duct tape that they used to bind Lindsey."

"Joe Hirschoff, O'Brien's partner."

**%%**

"Cath baby let go, he's gone." Sara shook her girlfriend gently as she clung on to Sam's lifeless form.

Sara had sat in the car on Catherine's orders while the strawberry blond had gone to speak to her father. It was too late by the time she had seen the gun. She was only able to make it across the crowded sidewalk in time to see Sam fall.

Catherine was now covered in blood and Sara was worried that this might be the act in the last couple of days that tipped Catherine over the edge.

"Come on baby I've got you."

"Sar'"

"Yeah baby."

"Never let go."

"Never."

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**Thanks for reading I would really love it if you would spear a few more moments of your time to tell me what you thought. =)**


	44. Keppler

**Yes it really is me I'm sorry for the long wait for this one all i can say is i hope you find it worth the wait.**

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"Hey." Sara smiled down at Catherine as the sleepy blond blinked herself awake.

"Hey you." Catherine replied her voice think with sleep. "What time is it?" Catherine asked stretching out her heavy limbs.

"A little after eight in the evening." Sara told her and waited for the reaction.

"Eight at night." Catherine looked at her puzzled. "We should be at work."

"I spoke to Griss." Sara told her pulling the blond close so she could look closely at her. Sara was worried about her after breaking down at the scene Catherine had said little about Sam dying and showed no emotions what so ever. Sara knew what it was like to hold all your emotions in side and she was aware of just what that could cost you in the long run. She wanted Catherine to let it go now before it had a chance to come back and bite them on the ass.

"And." Catherine wasn't impressed.

"And he thinks you should take a couple of nights off come to terms with this be there for your mom."

"There is nothing to come to terms with, and I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't go making arrangements for me behind my back." Catherine told her rolling out of Sara's embrace and sitting up with her back to her.

"Cath Sam was your dad and he died last night in your arms after you watched him get gunned down."

"He wasn't my dad he was the man who got my mother pregnant and who for a while was a friend never my dad."

"He loved you and I think you loved him too like it or not and like it or not he died and you need to deal with it."

"I don't want to." Catherine looked back over her shoulder and Sara's heart broke at the pain on her lovers face. All she could do was thank the lord that this might not be as hard as she thought it was going to be to get Catherine to open up a little.

"I know when my dad died and mom was taken away people kept saying that I needed to deal with it. To me there was nothing to deal with it was a relief, turns out though that even bad parents are parents and their dying can still suck."

"This sucks." Catherine chuckled dryly climbing back in to bed.

"Yeah but we'll deal together." Sara assured the blond as she broke down.

**OO**

"So how long is this fellow Keppler supposed to be with us?"

"What's up Miss. Grumpy?" Catherine teased Sara a light smile on her face; Catherine had no need to look up to tell Sara was pouting.

"I'm not grumpy, I'm tired." Sara whined.

"It's a really good thing I love you when you whine." Catherine smirked. "He was hired to staff the new day shift, but … since we're one shy with Grissom away; Ecklie wanted us to break him in for a few weeks."

"Baby if I find you breaking him, I'm gonna be so pissed."

"Sar' scared of a little competition?" Catherine teased.

"Should I see him that way?" Sara was deadly serious. "Because got to tell you, Cath, I really don't share well."

"You never have to share me," Catherine reassured her.

"Promise?" Sara pouted and Catherine stood up and went to her side. Checking that no one was paying any attention to them she pulled Sara closer nipping on her bottom lip.

"Promise," Catherine told her inhaling deeply at the gasp Sara emitted at the contact.

**OO**

Sara's jaw clenched and she and she inhaled deeply trying not to lose her temper in the middle of CSI HQ. Watching Catherine flirt with Keppler had annoyed Sara slightly at first now though it was causing her to lose her temper. There was only so many times that she needed to see Catherine lean over or rub up against the new guy before she wanted to rip someone's head off. Letting go of her anger for a moment Sara realised that she was just as annoyed at the fact that Catherine hadn't smiled like that at home for a while.

**OO**

"You have got to be shitting me?" Sara groaned taking the slip from a grinning Catherine's hand.

"No I want you on this."

"It's a simple B&E, why me?"

"Because I said so," She smiled once again.

"You really want me to dance for you tonight don't you." Sara groused ramming the slip into the pocket of her pants.

"Oh stop pouting and work the damn case," Catherine told her.

"Why? So you can make me feel insecure all night with the new guy. Cath, every now and again I hate you."

**OO**

Catherine had worried when she had been told she would be acting supervisor in the absence of Grissum. Her relationship with Sara had never been a cause for concern at work as Catherine had never been in a position of authority over Sara. She was well aware that people would be keeping a close eye on them expecting any career making case to find their way to Sara. Catherine had promised herself and Grissum that she would be fair and honest and leave the rest to god. Catherine had no reason to believe that her position would be a great help for another reason. Since the death of Sam things had been strained between the two of them Catherine blamed herself she wasn't taking the loss well and Sara was her punch bag. Thing was Sara was taking it and being so damn understanding it was killing them. So now Catherine had the means to get the reaction from Sara that she couldn't get any other way. The pouting brunette was almost a sight for sore eyes.

"Hey," Mike Keppler caught her attention.

"Oh Mike we have a case," Catherine smiled at him.

Catherine had never had eyes for anyone else in the time she and Sara had been together she had never had any need to Sara was all she had ever needed. Something was very different with Keppler though, Mike didn't know her didn't know her family know her life story he didn't look at her with sadness in his eyes. He looked and saw a woman, Sara looked and saw a grieving mess, there was something very attractive about just being a woman.

**OO**

"What do we have?" Sara asked the officer standing outside of the building as she ducked under the yellow tape.

"Wow Sar' man what did you do to pull this?" The officer smiled.

"Hey Pete, I think I might have squeezed from the middle of the tube again or something," Sara joked pulling on her gloves.

"So straight forward smash and grab and I mean he smashed blood every where."

"So what, he smashed glass every where and the dumb ass just sticks his hand in and cut himself. Damn, this really is going to be a simple no brainer."

"Looks like it."

**OO**

"Wow man you look pissed," Nick smiled as he walked into the break room to find Sara nursing a coffee while looking over some files.

"Tired, Nicky just tired." Sara sighed dejectedly.

"Must be if you're letting me in on it." Nick smiled a little every now and then he found himself liking Sara and it didn't annoy him so much any more. "So you disappeared on us, you not with us any more." Sara shook her head sliding her files over to Nicky.

"Wow cake walk, hell you got to work solo though." Nick found himself trying to cheer Sara up, Sara just rolled her eyes "So what did you do squeeze from the middle, forget an anniversary that no one in there right mind would remember because she probably made it up?"

"Worse than that Nicky I think we're falling apart."

"Ouch."

"Yeah so I get the annoying B&E that I can't close because he won't tell me where the goodies are."

"You know what you have to do."

"Yeah I've just been putting it off. Follow the blood trail that lead us straight to him and check every dumpster and dirty place on the way."

"Rather you than me."

"Thanks Nicky."

**OO**

"Oh man you smell." Warrick wrinkled his nose as he passed by Sara.

"God, I know man and I've showered three times already."

"Well I know we didn't get any decomp in, so I'm guessing dumpster."

"Yep, my perp dropped his jewels in one of his way to the hospital."

"So you got pulled off our case, what was up with that?"

"You would have to ask the boss lady." Sara sigh, she was dirty, smelly, cold and tired, all she wanted to do was go home, shower in lemon juice and sleep for a month.

"You two fight?"

"Not yet," Sara said darkly leaving the room.

**OO**

"Hey baby." Catherine purred as Sara walked in the house. Catherine felt guilty she had been out of order with Sara and while she and Mike had been working together Catherine had found her mind constantly running to her young lover. Catherine just wanted the chance to try put things right between them.

"Don't even go there." Sara sighed avoiding her touch. Catherine looked at her girlfriend she looked tired and most worryingly she looked beaten Sara never truly looked out even when she should have been down for the count.

Catherine wrinkled her nose as she got closer to Sara and spoke. "Still pissed because I put you on the B&E?"

"Cath smell me, though by the look on your face I'd say you can. I'm a wreak, I'm tired, cold and dirty and yes pissed because you would rather hurt me than deal with you feelings towards Sam. Well you lose, because I'm going to shower and then to sleep."

"Well done Cath, then really."

"Yeah," Sara paused before heading to the shower. "If it makes you feel any better I was jealous watching you today."

"No not really, you think it but I didn't go out of my way to make you feel insecure."

"No? You're just really good at it then."

**OO**

"Where's the fire?" Sara sat up rubbing her eyes, checking her watch.

"I need you to be awake when Lind's gets home from school." Catherine told her caressing her cheek.

"Where will you be?" Sara asked moving out of her reach by lying back on the bed.

"I'm needed at work." Catherine shook her head in defeat, Sara wouldn't even let her touch her in the most innate of gestures, this was not going well.

"Big case?" Sara asked studying her.

"You know the Zamesca case,"

"Sort of, you worked it with Nicky."

"Yeah well, we're not getting anywhere so the under-sheriff wants a meeting."

"Sounds like fun."

"Well, Brass will be there."

"And?" Catherine hadn't said it but Sara knew her to well not to notice the subtle undertone to their conversation.

""And nothing,"

"Cath why lie? I can read you like a book, we both know it." Sara told her, getting out of bed and heading to the bathroom.

"I'm not lying."

"No, you're just leaving something out." Sara told her as she shut the door to the bathroom behind herself and locked it.

"Keppler will be there too." She was sure Sara had heard her but her only reply was the sound of running water.

**OO**

"You know Catherine if we do our job right and catch the bad guy no one will remember the rest."

"I will."

"What is it?"

"I don't like lying to my friends."

"It's more than that."

"No," Catherine insisted though her mind couldn't help but wander to Sara. She had tried to get under her skin the day before but it had back fired and now she was pretty sure things were going to go from bad to worse.

"OK point taken, let me buy you a drink to make up for it."

Everything in Catherine told her to go home and spend some time with her family before all hell broke lose . Being with Mike though was simple he didn't want anything from her and there were no real feelings involved. In fact when Mike was around Sam, Sara and all the other troubles they were having didn't matter.

"I'd like that." She found herself saying though and let Keppler pull her seat out and escort her to the bar.

**OO**

"Hey I need you on a 411 tonight."

Sara heard Catherine's voice as she turned the corner to the locker room. She paused not really sure she wanted to face Catherine right then. If Sara was truthful she was still hurt that Catherine hadn't come home to see her and Lind's before it was time for work. She would have to see her soon enough to get the night's assignment '_not yet though.' _Sara sighed to herself.

"Stolen motor vehicle, you got to be kidding me?" Came Nick's reply and Sara couldn't stop the smile that formed _'Welcome to my world.'_

"PD recovered twenty stolen motorcycles. They're at the Dupont Towing Lot."

"Can't you slide it to days?"

"Take Warrick with you, it'll go faster."

Turning around Sara headed in the opposite direction, taking the long way to the locker room. Rounding the corner she witnessed Keppler covering the windows to one of the bigger labs with plastic.

"Um, nothing I can talk about. Keep me posted on the 419. Greg's going to meet you at the scene." Sara heard Catherine tell Aaron as she entered the lab that Keppler was working on. Sara watched as Hodges whispered something to her brother before he headed in to the locker room.

"What did Hodges want?" Sara asked following Aaron through the door of the locker room.

"Thinks Keppler's IA, I bet he's running a book."

"IA? Not seeing it myself. He's a pain in the arse though, I'll give him that."

Aaron chuckled. It wasn't hard to tell why Sara hated the guy. I mean if he flirted with Catherine much more Aaron was thinking of having a word.

"So what's with the white room?" Aaron was sure Sara would know, Catherine didn't breathe without Sara knowing exactly how much air she took in.

"I really don't know." Sara sighed looking sadly at her brother. "And that scares me."

**OO**

"Oh for the love of god, Cath you have to be shitting me?"

"No." Catherine sighed in to the phone, if they had a relationship to try to save after this case it would be a miracle. "I need you to help Nick on his 411."

"I thought 'Rick was with him."

"I need 'Rick."

"I could come help you."

"No." Catherine stated firmly. "Just do as I tell you please." '_I need you to look at this.'_ Sara could clearly make out Keppler's voice over the phone.

"Must be easier having naughty thoughts about the new guy with me not there," Sara snapped before hanging up.

**OO**

"Wow, are we on her shit list? "Nick commented after a long silence since Warrick had left and Sara had joined him on his case.

"Yep Nicky, we have to stick together right now." Sara broke out a little smile holding her closed fist out to Nick for a knuckle touch. Nick regarded her hand for a moment before lifting his own and bringing it to Sara's.

"Yeah we need to stick close." Nick smile, he hated it even more now Sara wasn't turning out to be the bad guy Nick had so thought she was.

"Hell all we'll find is smudges." Sara sighed pulling out her print powder and brush.

"I bet you, we find the prints of the officers who found them."

"I wouldn't mind but I was working a pretty good case. We had a body and drugs and Sofia to flirt with."

"Isn't it weird working with your ex like that?" Nick wondered.

"No, actually I thought it might be but we parted on good terms, and like she said she only dumped me because I'm a jerk."

"True." Nick smiled.

**OO**

"Wow, you look pouty." Aaron smiled at his sister as she joined him in the lay out room he was looking over the clothes that their D.B had been found in and he looked up to find Sara watching him. He realised that it really wasn't joke time when Sara just continued to glare at him. "Ok what's wrong?" He asked snapping off his gloves walking over to her.

"Cath," Was all she said.

"God, don't tell me you to have been fighting again."

"That's just it!" Sara sighed sounding defeated. "We were having problems as it was since Sam died she's been hurting and I can't seem to help her, then he shows up and I get dumped on a piss easy B&E, a 411 with Nicky while she keeps him close and she hasn't been home in god knows how long, so I have Lind's on my case."

"He, I take it you mean Keppler?"

"Call him what you want," Sara shrugged, she had a few choice names for him herself.

"Well I'd like to tell you, you're being oversensitive but…"

"But I'm not, she's being a bitch."

"Who's a Bitch?" Catherine asked from behind them.

"You!" Sara told her looking directly at her before walking out.

"Sara, hold up." She could hear Catherine calling but chose to ignore her till she got to the changing room.

"What?" Sara snapped turning to her. Catherine had no chance to answer though as her cell rang.

"Willows, oh hey Keppler, yeah I'm on my way," She said in the phone before turning back to Sara. "I have to go."

"Big case," Sara finished for Catherine, turning to the locker so the older woman could not see the hurt in her eyes. "Do one thing please, call Lind's she misses you."

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**Thanks for reading i hope you enjoyed please let me know what you think =)**


	45. Trust

**Another chapter and I think I'm getting faster lol. thanks for the reviews it keeps me going to know people are still reading. **

**I Still own nothing but the laptop i write in on. **  
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Sara watched as Nick stalked into the locker room and slammed the nearest open locker shut.

"Let me guess Cath pissing you off too." Sara made her presence known.

Nick sighed and started talking. "We were working that 411."

"Yeah."

"And all the while they had a homicide with every detail matching the Zamesca case, it urks on too many levels that Catherine would keep me out of this."

"I know."

"I have a hunch that the Zamesca case is connected to the 419 you were working with Az'."

"So go tell Cath."

"Think she'll listen?"

Sara paused for a moment to measure her answer. She had to be sure she was answering the question as a CSI and not as Catherine's concerned and slightly upset girlfriend.

"Think you have to try." Sara finally offered.

"I never thought I'd find us in this position." Nick smiled a little exhaling sharply trying to regain some composure.

"What borderline friends? I know it's scary." Sara joked back.

"Thanks Sar' I know Cath's your girl and I'm having a pop."

"Tell you the truth you really haven't said anything I can't see for myself. I love her but I'm not blind and I know her remember. Look I'll tag along how's that?"

"Thanks man."

**OO**

Sara and Nick had split up in their search for Catherine. Nick had headed off to see if she was in her office while Sara had headed for the brake room deciding that if nothing else she needed coffee. She had been in time to catch the end of Catherine, Keppler and Warrick's progress meeting on their case. Sara tried not to pay attention to the case or Catherine's proximity to Keppler. The meeting wrapped, Keppler stood to leave. Deciding she didn't want to have to talk to Catherine right now Sara was just heading out to tell Nick she had located her when the Texan strode into the room.

"I just connected Aaron's Vic to Simon!" Nick's statement seemed to hang in the air.

'_Go mate don't you beat about the bush.'_ Sara had to chuckle to herself as Nick got straight to the point. She didn't have to be a CSI to notice both Catherine and Keppler were upset by this.

"Yeah you might want to hear this." Sara couldn't help but grin at Keppler's back.

"What's the connection?" Keppler enquired.

"Well I think that Simon was driving her BMW to meet Zamesca."

"Nick we got a print for the Holstein case. Street dealer." To anyone in that room Catherine sounded calm and confident, Sara though wasn't anyone. She had spent years learning Catherine and months being the one to hold her. She knew that little hitch in her voice and she knew it meant she was hiding something. "Were bringing him in now. And he looks dirty for Zamesca too."

Nick and Warrick exchanged looks at the obvious brush off. Sara though was lost in her own little world as she watched Catherine walk off with Keppler.

**OO**

"What are we looking for?" Sara asked folding her arms leaning her hip against the table.

"I'm," Nick looked up shaking her head. "Looking for the Holstein Evidence."

"Cool espionage."

Both of the room's occupants looked up as Catherine walked into the room.

"Hey Nick." Sara shook her head turning her back on her.

"We can't find the evidence in the Holstein case."

"What do you want it for?" Catherine wanted to know.

"Because that guy who confessed to killing Zamesca didn't do it." Sara told her turning round.

"Yeah the sheriff is jumping the gun." Nick added.

"We have evidence and a confession. You can't just come in here and take over my case."

"Touchy there Baby?" Sara questioned.

"Is there a reason you don't want us to see this file Catherine?"

Catherine's head spun for a moment they were tag teaming her and it hurt to see that Sara would side with Nick over her, though she knew she had no one else to blame.

"As your supervisor I'm telling you to leave it."

"As your colleges we're asking you to stop lying to us." Sara almost begged.

"Leave it." Catherine stated firmly as she walked out.

**OO**

"Uh, it's freezing. Why are we having a meeting outside?" Aaron asked blowing on to his hands as he cupped them to his mouth.

"'Cause Catherine and Keppler are in there." Nick told him.

"What, have you guys been listening to Hodges?" Greg joked.

"No, and this isn't about Keppler being IA anyway. This is about Catherine having a false confession and standing by it."

"You'd better be able to back that one up, man." Warrick was quick to jump to Catherine's defence.

"We can." Sara told them stepping out of the shadows.

"Sar' you buying this." Greg asked walking up to his best friend.

"I've been with Nick all night and I've seen everything he has and I can't come up with a different answer."

"Zamesca knew Az's and Greg's Vic. He's dead, she's dead, same drugs are found at both scenes, and then ... those same drugs showed up at your crime scene?"

"Could have come from the same supplier." Warrick pointed out.

"We see that all the time. I don't think it's a coincidence."

"You know, Catherine" Aaron paused to look at Sara "Catherine ordered Henry to step out of his lab without putting drug evidence away." Aaron and Sara locked eyes.

"Why would she do that?" Greg asked Sara's silent question.

"I did see Keppler checking out Zamesca's file yesterday. I didn't think anything strange about it then, but now ..." Warrick added.

"Okay, so ... maybe there is an IA investigation."

Nick and Sara look at each other neither of them really wanted to be doing this but it was too late to stop now. Sara nodded at Nick she really couldn't do it herself.

"We can't find the Holstein evidence."

"What?" Aaron exclaimed.

Sara and Nick just nodded.

"Catherine put it in a temporary locker." Warrick told them.

"Yeah. Why didn't she put it where it belongs?" Nicked asked he was really getting angry now.

"The Holstein bullet was a little bit too clean, and Keppler didn't seem at all concerned about it. He said that we would see at autopsy." Warrick Added.

"Well, it's kind of hard to have an autopsy when you don't have a body, man. I talked to Doc Robbins; he's still trying to track it down. And the mortuary has no record of Catherine's phone call whatsoever." Sara was really starting to feel sick.

"Do we have access to any of the Holstein evidence?" Aaron wondered.

"We got the car… No we don't Catherine sent it to the impound." Nick corrected himself

"Well, at least we know where it is." Greg tried his hand at optimism and Sara wanted to hit him.

"All right, that's it. We're a team now, the five of us. We can't trust Catherine and we can't trust Keppler. I'm serious. I'm gonna run with this one." Nick stated passionately.

"I'll run with you." Warrick nodded. Nick slapped Warrick's shoulder. He knew he could count on him.

"You?" Warrick turned to Aaron.

Aaron looked at Sara and Nick as he weighed it all up. "I'm in."

They turned and look at Greg, Greg looked to Sara who nodded at him with a forlorn sigh Greg nodded too.

**OO**

"Want to talk about it?"

"What is there to say Az'? She's lying about something I can just feel it. All I can think is if she lies about this at work, where as our supervisor we need to trust her with our lives then what else is she lying about?"

"Like say for instance when she says she loves you does she mean it?"

"Yeah." Sara exhaled dejectedly hitting her head on the locker.

"Sometimes when she's holding me and she says she loves me it's all there is, it's all that's real, life just melts away and it's us, me and her and I can fly if she just holds tight enough."

"Don't want to lose that."

"Don't want that to be bullshit."

**OO**

Sara sat at the table in the break room as far from Catherine as she could get without looking like she wasn't part of proceedings. The Five CSI's had spent the last few hours working on the leads that they had. They had gotten no more answers but it had convinced them that Catherine Keppler and possibly even Brass were in on whatever was going on.

"It's called reverse forensics." Keppler was the first to speak. Catherine sat watching Sara, her girlfriend, her best friend had never seemed as far away from her as she did right then. Even when they had not even been friends she was the one Catherine felt connected too.

"Reverse forensics?" Greg questioned.

"Big words Grego. For these two here faking a crime scene and getting 'Rick to process it. Baby how often do you fake it by the way?" Sara asked her.

"I know you're angry but not now!" Catherine warned her.

"Baby you have never seen me angry!" Sara replied darkly.

"Simon had to believe it when he saw it on the news." Catherine told the group getting back on track.

"He was a fugitive. The only way to get him to show his face was to make him think he was off the hook."

"And your only option was to fabricate evidence and make me process it?" Warrick asked.

"How could you think we wouldn't work it out, It's kind of what we do." Greg pointed out.

"I understand how you feel. I'm sorry I didn't have a choice." Catherine stated.

"We trusted you with our lives Catherine; you could have trusted us with this." Nick was not letting this go.

"Aaron?" Catherine asked turning to him.

"If I have something to say to you, Catherine, I'm going to say it in private." he turned to Keppler "No offence."

"Sara I know you have something to say."

"Like my brother I'll say it later alone. Me though I mean a lot of offence, all of it painful." Sara glared at Keppler.

"Okay, look. We can still get Simon. He only walked on Zamesca. He drove Monique Carter's vehicle out into the desert. Nick's established that. Did he kill her, too?"

**OO**

Determined not to cry in the building Sara made it to her car and slipped in to the driver's seat. Closing her eyes she slumped forward and rested her head on the steering wheel. She tried to hold on for a moment longer but there was no winning this battle and she let her tears fall.

What the hell had she been thinking? That thing could be any different with Catherine. _'Out of your league.'_

"Fuck." Sara swore punching the steering wheel in anger. She had tried so hard to keep this professional, keep her feelings for Catherine the woman from tainting her feelings towards what Catherine her supervisor had done. She was having no luck though. Every time she closed her eyes to pull Catherine's face into her Keppler was there smiling just in the back ground. Reaching in to the glove box Sara fished around for her trusty back up pack of cigarettes. She had given up twice before but kept a pack to hand just for moments like this. Her hand came in to contact with something hard and unfamiliar and she pulled it out. It was a jewellery box the size Sara was familiar with; she was always buying Catherine necklaces. Sara was sure she hadn't bought this one.

C

Thank you, for sticking with me on this.

K

Sara was dumb struck for a moment. Why the hell was someone and she was pretty sure she knew who buying Catherine jewellery? Thanks for sticking with me on this read more like thanks for choosing me over them. Sara just had no clue what to do about it. The biggest part of her was telling her to calm down a little and do nothing rash right now. Catherine loved her and there was no way she would cheat on her. However here was a box of jewellery that just didn't sit right messing up that thought process.

**OO**

"Three calls were made from Monique's cell phone to Simon's strip club after she died." Greg informed Catherine as they walked through the lab together.

"There's another half a dozen calls to Hugh Griffin, Bud Small, Frank Townsend. All known associates."

"He was using her phone to do business, thinking it was safe.

"Oh, yeah, the last call was made to his wife's cell."

"I haven't seen her all morning what do I do Greg?" Catherine asked Greg almost pleading.

"Catherine I don't know her as well as you. I mean she loves you so she really opened up to you. I know though that with Sara once you lose her trust then you're screwed. All you can do is hope she can work it out in her head."

**OO**

"The paper work on my jewellery store case!" Sara tossed the file on Catherine's desk and turned to leave.

"Where did you go?"

"It's all there so you shouldn't need me anymore."

"Sar' please where did you go? The whole shift worked over time to pull this one out, where did you go."

"I couldn't do it, I couldn't work with you and him and be professional and keep my mind on work so I took myself out of the situation. I did all my paper work like the good little lap dog I am."

"That's not how I see you."

"How do you see me then because I sure as hell have no clue?"

"Look can we please talk about this at home later."

"Whatever."

"No not whatever either you want to talk or you don't?"

"You're ready now you mean?"

"This is just a little too rich coming from you."

"What the hell is that meant to mean?"

"Well you're ok to keep me out when it suits you but when the boots on the other foot you don't like it. I had to do this I told you and I'm sorry ok if there was anyone here I wanted to tell it was you but I couldn't."

"Cath our lives are at stake every day on this job and we have to trust you, god I have to trust you that's a two way street like Nick said."

"You and Nick seemed to have managed to put you differences to one side to gang up on me."

"Listen to your self Cath. We had no clue what was going on evidence was going missing and you had us chasing our tails. Nick thought he was going a little crazy at one point and you compromised poor Henry. So what were we to do? Would we have been the people you thought we were if we had just let it slide?"

"No."

"No and what would you have done if that had of been me acting the way you and Keppler where."

"I'd have gone crazy trying to work out what was wrong with you."

"Yeah well I did, oh and next time your little boy friend is going to leave you trinkets make sure he puts them in your car not mine." Sara told her handing over the gift box.

"There's nothing going on I swear." Catherine was adamant. "I love you and I want us to work this out."

"I love you too I'm not so sure I trust you though."

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**Thanks for reading =) Please review **


	46. I Have To

**Thanks for your reviews they make writing more enjoyable xx**

**Hope this was worth the wait new job means less time to write but after sleep it's my next priority!**

**Still own nothing not even the laptop i write on anymore lol**

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Warm early afternoon sun found its way into the room through chinks in the hastily drawn curtains. Where it fell on the rooms occupants it cast them in an almost ethereal glow. Stirring slightly Sara turned tangling herself further in the covers and blinked slowly to life. She smiled gently as her eyes took in the beauty that was Catherine. In the last few weeks they had taken on a don't ask don't tell tactic over their looming relationship crisis.

Sara wasn't sure what weakness in their relationship Keppler's presence had unearthed but it was there and it was a big one. Sara had found that holding on tight and refusing to let go had worked to this point worked well for both of them it appeared as Catherine seemed as determined to keep their relationship afloat as Sara herself was.

Moments like this though when they were alone and Keppler was nowhere to be seen and reverse forensics was just something you read about Sara couldn't remember being happier. Catherine looked like the angel she always did the lines of worry that seemed to plague her every waking moment were nowhere to be found and in these quiet moments Sara fell in love all over again.

"You're beginning to creep me out." Catherine mumbled not opening her eyes.

"I'll stop then." Sara smiled shifting on to her back making room for Catherine to curl into her side. "Better?" Sara asked once Catherine was settled at her side.

"Much." Catherine purred contented. She liked these moments of the day when they could just be themselves and nothing else got in the way. 'Except the phone.' Catherine cursed to herself why the hell didn't she take it off the hook.

"Willows." Catherine barked into the phone and then nearly dropped it when Sara's teeth came in contact with her bare shoulder. Catherine let her eyes close as a wave of pure pleasure tingled down her spine. With everything else that was going on it was remarkable to think that the slightest touch from Sara could still send her into melt down.

"Nick can't it wait?" Catherine sighed turning in to Sara's body kissing her chin. "What! When?"

Catherine's body language changed and Sara took the hint pillow talk was over and she rolled away sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I'm on my way."

Sara heard Catherine snap before the click of the phone being hung up rather angrily.

"Everything ok?" Sara asked not sure she wanted to know. She knew that it had been Nick on the phone but it seemed that Catherine only got that worked lately when Keppler was involved.

"There's been a development in our case."

"Really." Sara nodded waiting for the moment she knew was coming.

"Mike's prints were found on the gun."

'Ok wasn't expecting that.' Sara tried not to smile but not trusting herself she didn't turn around.

"Stop smiling Sara he's one of us." Catherine snapped.

"He's nothing to do with me." Sara informed her girlfriend finding her jogging bottoms and heading to the en suite. "I'll start coffee when I'm done."

**OO**

Sighing impatiently Sara threw down her pen and closed the folder realising that there was no way she was going to finish the report she was working on not while she was in this frame of mind.

Hating the fact that Catherine was having such an negative effect on her work Sara headed to the break room to get some coffee. It was a reward of sorts she smiled to herself she felt she was on the right track being angry with Catherine. Keppler was annoying but his appearing there in their lives was only a problem because she and Catherine where on shaky ground. Sara almost hated Sam Braun for having the nerve to die it was almost as if it had been his last act to try and separate the two of them.

There was nothing or no one to blame though, it seemed that the old Patty Smyth song was ringing true 'Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough.'

**OO**

"He's gone." Catherine's gentle words pulled Sara out of her reserve. Sara looked up finding Catherine and Grissom looking down on her.

"I'll leave you two alone." Grissom nodded in Sara's direction before heading back off towards the ambulance that contained the body of the late Mike Keppler.

"Sara you're covered in blood." Catherine pointed out with concern in her voice. She was sure that all the shooting was over by the time Sara had gotten to the room hot on her heals though in the confusion she couldn't be sure. The one thing she was sure of though was that if she lost Sara now it would be too much.

"Not my blood." Sara pointed out in a monotone never taking her eye of off her hands she was sure in that moment she knew how Lady Macbeth had felt. There was no amount of washing that was going to get rid of Mikes blood. She'd really hated him there for a while wanted him out of their lives and now he was dead.

'_Not __your__ fault' _Sara kept trying to tell herself as the events of the lastlittle while kept replaying in her head. Frank Mccarty had his gun pointed at Catherine as she had stumbled into the room and if Mike hadn't pulled the trigger Catherine could well be dead. The more she thought of it the more it made a shiver run through her. She was aware that Catherine was next to her talking to her but she was trapped in her own head.

"_Move it."_

"_Pupils still fixed and dilated."_

"_He's moving into V-fib! Let's go!"_

"_I'm here. Stay with me, Mike."_

"_Place him into the back of the rig."_

"_Mike?"_

"_Let's go, let's go."_

"_Hang on, Mike."_

"_Charging, 300."_

"_Two placement's good."_

"_Clear?"_

"_Clear."_

"_No response. Hitting him again."_

"_Copy. Clear."_

Sara's mind was taken to two very distinct moments in time. The first standing over Faith's bed when she was in a coma after her fight with Buffy before graduation. Sara had loved Faith in a way even back then and seeing her so still so lifeless was a eerie moment. Faith was larger than life and even if people never realised it she felt things so deeply at times Sara had joked once that she would have to knock Faith out to keep her still. Not that it had lasted for long they had had a battle to prepare for. The second, the tarmac of the school car park after graduation when she had looked on as paramedics tried and failed to save Star. Sara never wanted to relive the moment Star has died but her head was not playing the same game she was. The look of love in Stars eyes as she had died still haunted Sara and she wondered what look Catherine had seen as she had tended to Mike.

"Sara." Warm hands encased her face snapping her out of her morbid train of though. She looked up in to sad tired blue eyes.

"Sorry." Sara smiled sadly she was sure that this was the moment that Catherine needed her she didn't needed to be coaxing Sara out of her head. Trying not to touch Catherine with anything that had blood on her Sara pulled her close. "I know he meant a lot to you." Sara told her trying not to choke on her words as she comforted he girlfriend at the loss of someone sheloved.

"He… " Catherine paused, what did she say was it even fair to make Sara be here for her right now when she wasn't sure of anything in her own mind. Mike was gone but what had he meant to her? More than she ever wanted Sara to know if the truth was told.

"Hey it's ok let's just get you home."

**OO**

Getting Catherine home had been harder than it had seemed, they had both been required to give statements and Sara's clothes had been needed for evidence. Hours later though the two woman sat alone in the living room silence hanging between them.

"We really need to talk Sar'" Catherine sighed after another long moment stretched out between them

"Not tonight Cath." Sara replied "we're both tired and we're both emotional let's sleep."

The moment Sara mentioned being tired Catherine felt exhausted almost too tired to move.

"You need to sleep." Sara told Catherine as they stood and she led her to their bedroom. Pushing the door open Sara pulled Catherine towards their bed where Sara tried to strip Catherine's shirt off. At her insistent words Catherine raised her arms and allowed Sara to remove the garment.

Sara slipped to her knees and tugged at the button to Catherine's jeans. She carefully tugged the tight fitting article of clothing over her lovers hips before pausing to kiss Catherine's thigh lightly.

"Sleep." Sara insisted turning Catherine towards the bed and patting her panty covered arse.

"Will you be here when I wake up?"

"I'm not going anywhere." Sara told her stripping her own cloths.

"Why do I hear a yet in there somewhere?"

"Cath we both know that things aren't right at the moment but I don't want to be anywhere else.

**OO**

In the cold light of day Catherine wasn't sure she wanted to have the conversation she was so desperate to have the night before. Emotions had been running high, Sara had been right about that. This morning though as she sat watching her lover enthusiastically devour a plate of pancakes she wanted to say nothing that could take Sara and this happiness away from her.

Sara ate not knowing what else to do. She was waiting for the moment when Catherine demanded the chat that she had managed to put off the night before. Not talking about anything that could cause them harm had gotten them this far why stop now. Placing her fork down Sara took an instant to work out exactly where it had gotten them in truth where ever it was it wasn't very healthy.

'_When the hell did you become such a bloody coward'_ Sara asked herself _'Talk to her!'_

"I think I need to move out for a while."

Sara shook her head. Every now and then her mouth ran off at a different rate to her brain. Truth was it was something she had been thinking about for a while they needed to work out what was going on as individuals before they could go forward together.

"Cath."

"Cath! Is that all you can say, your leaving me and all you can utter is my name. ?"

"I'm not leaving you I'm leaving the house Cath before it comes to leaving you I love us I love being a part of us but even you have to know we've ghosted through these last few weeks."

"A moment ago I was eating breakfast with my girlfriend and now you tell me you're leaving?"

"You can't tell me you didn't see this coming?"

"I thought we would fight this out."

"I want to fight this out I do Cath more than anything but I can't do that here it feels like I'm half a person, I'm slipping away."

"Stay!"

"Cath please don't ask me that." Sara begged. "Because I love you and you know I'll stay for you and that will kill us."

"I don't think I can live without you."

"I'm not sure I can live without you." Sara admitted. "I still love you so much I guess we'll see."

"Sara I can't lose you."

"Cath I love you so much." Sara told her standing in front of her placing both her hands on her cheeks she pulled Catherine closer slowly giving her the chance to pull back if she wanted to. When she didn't Sara placed her lips on Catherine's and caressed them gently. "Leaving you is the last thing I ever wanted to do. When I got you in my life I thought there was nothing that could happen to make me leave your side. I never realised that you having feelings for someone else could hurt this much."

"I love you."

"Mike meant a lot there for a while Cath whether you knew it or not. They say if you love someone then you have to let them go and I used to think that was shit. If you love someone you hold on so tight and never let go. But they were right Cath I can't stay here while it feels like it's all falling apart."

"Well I'm selfish then because I don't think I can let you go."

"You have to Cath. Look I don't want us to be over I want to be your girlfriend let's just take some time to get back to being good together." Sara told her kissing her once again.

"Talk to Lind's before you leave."

"I was always going to."

"God Sar' don't do this."

"Cath I have too."

**OO**

Sara pulled two holdalls out of the closet in the bedroom and started shoving everything she owned into them. Sara couldn't put her finger on the moment she had decided that she knew that even if her relationship with Catherine wasn't over then she needed to get out of the house, needed to think and breathe without so much going on in her head. She didn't hold back the tears this time as she packed up the only life she had ever really wanted. Sara's hands were shaking her throat was sore and her eyes stung but there was no way she was going to stop if she did she was sure she may never start again. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she placed family photos on top of the bag.

"Sara."

Lindsey's voice was small and timid as she watched the woman she thought of as her other mom franticly packing.

"Lind's" Sara stopped her movements to talk to the younger Willows. "Why don't you go wait in your room I'll be along in a minute.

"Tell me what's going on."

"I promise"

**OO**

"I should have seen this coming really." Lindsey laughed bitterly as Sara entered her room. The younger Willows was laying on her bed crying and she turned her face from the door as Sara entered. "Mom and Dad acted pretty much like you two did before dad left. Though you're playing mom's role this time. Results still the same though I lose someone I love."

"Lind's do you remember the three things I promised I'd never do to you?" Sara asked sitting on the edge of the young girls bed placing a reassuring hand on her back.

"Of course." Lindsey snorted. "Do you because you're breaking most of them."

"I remember Lind's and I know it feels like I'm going back on everything I said but this is what's for the best."

"For who, you?"

"No best for me is whereever your mom is and that's here baby best for me is not hurting you so that means staying here." Sara told her passionately. "I promised to love you for as long as I lived and I do baby I do I love you so much I don't want you to live in the sort of environment that you are right now. Things aren't right between me and your mom and you know that Lind's you're a clever girl do you want to see me and your mom like this?"

Lindsey shook her head and Sara continued.

"I promised to protect you and if I stay I wont be because I always want to be the Sara you can respect and turn to and I might not be that person if I stay and I promised I'd never lie and I'm not I love your mom and I love you and I want this to work out and I want to come back one day but I can't promise that. I do promise that I will always be here for you no matter where I go."

"Where will you go?" Lindsey asked getting up on to her knee's and crawling in to Sara's lap.

"I'm not sure yet, might be a motel for me for a while. As soon as I know where you can come see me."

"Will you come see me?"

Whenever I can and Lind's I need you to do something for me though."

"What? I'll do anything."

"Be good to your mom she loves you and she is going to need you."

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	47. Body

**So sorry for the long wait on this one i just hope you find it worth the wait.**

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"Who's bags are in the locker room?" Greg asked the room in general as he entered.

"Those bags in the locker room weren't there when we got here right?" Nick looked at Warrick who nodded and all heads turned to Sara the only person to arrive after Nick and Warrick but before Greg.

"Shit." Sara cursed under her breath. She thought she had hidden them well but it seemed you couldn't hide anything in a building full of CSI's.

"Well done," Catherine's tone was acid. "I don't know why you don't just advertise it." She shot accusingly at Sara as she stood and left the room.

"Cath!" Sara went to go after her but Nick blocked her exit.

"Let her cool down and come tell us what's going on."

"Nothing." Sara told them rather forcefully as she side stepped Nick. Letting things rest, letting people cool down had been the pattern of the last few weeks maybe it was about time they let go a little they couldn't hurt each other anymore could they? Sara was sure she had done the worst she could in leaving and Catherine's feelings for Keppler had long since torpedoed Sara's U boat.

"Nick's right Sar'." Sara turned at the feel of a hand on her arm and was met by the concerned brown eyes of her brother. "Don't go in there angry. Come talk to me."

"No because keeping calm got me here and right now that's my bags in the locker room and my girlfriend in her office most probably crying."

"Nance is with her." Aaron told her gently guiding his little sister to the sofa. It seemed just in time too as her legs went from under her and she sobbed hysterically in to her brother's strong arms. Motioning for the others to give them space Aaron held her tight and let her get it out of her system. He knew his sister well she was so strong to a point then she could be so fragile it scared him.

"Hey did you really think that you couldn't tell us you and Cath had split up?" Aaron asked once Sara had calmed down a little.

"We haven't, I just moved out is all."

"Tell Nance is all." Aaron smiled a little. "Lind's gets in the car and says Sar's moved out what do you think happens?"

"She crashes." Sara suggested helpfully.

"Very nearly." Aaron chuckled "I don't think she stopped the car at her mom's house to get the kids out so we could come here. Sar' why didn't you just come to mine or go see Nance. We're a family remember, one like we always wanted, you have to trust us."

"How?"

Sara sounded so small and fragile it almost broke Aaron's heart.

"By letting the people who love you help and letting them be strong when you're not feeling so strong."

"Without Cath I never feel strong."

"Well in that case we'll help you get strong again. Till then though you're coming to stay with me no fighting about it."

"I'm not!" Sara was adamant. "Your place is only big enough for you."

"You'll stay with me then." Nancy said from the door bringing their attention to her presence for the first time. "Argue with that." Nancy dared.

**OO**

"Hey." Sara knocked gently on the door and resting her hip against the frame she waited for a response.

"Hey back." Catherin's smile was tired but real as she took of her glasses and motioned for Sara to come in.

"I wanted to come see you before but Aaron wouldn't let me." Sara admitted with a look at the floor. It wasn't till warm fingers brushed her chin did she look up to find sad watery blue eyes looking at her.

"I still have hope because you want to come." Catherine admitted after a moment of just looking in to Sara's eyes. "I don't feel as alone as I did this morning."

"I will always come." Sara promised tilting her head to one side and taking Catherine's appearance for the first time that night. She had been crying that much was for sure Sara guessed that Nancy had been here to witness that so at least she hadn't been alone apart from that though Catherine looked amazing. Scrap that she looked radiant. Hair was perfect make up a little smudged round the eyes but amazing none the less and if Sara wasn't mistaken she was wearing the jeans Sara loved. It was a far cry from the broken woman she had seen that morning. Then this was Catherine she was talking about and there was no way she would have come to work with anything other than her game face on.

'_That's my girl.'_ Sara thought to herself she scowled a little could she still claim that. Ok so she had said to everyone that would listen that she didn't want to break up with Catherine but what did the woman in question think. Part of the problem had been their lack of communication.

"What?" Catherine asked noticing the features on Sara's face change.

"Do you want to break up with me?" Sara asked after taking a deep calming breath.

"Sara you moved out not me." Catherine pointed out.

"I don't want to lose you though."

"What do you want then I mean moving out says to me 'Cath I don't want you anymore.'" Catherine told her letting go of her face walking to the door and closing it. There was no need for the whole team to know everything that was going on.

"I love you." Sara stated with as much passion as Catherine was sure she had ever heard. "Mike meant a lot to you and I'm too scared to ask the question I want to know the answer to, so I guess till we can move pass this, till it either doesn't matter or we resolve it we're stuck here."

"The question being did I sleep with Mike?" Catherine said the words and they made her feel sick. Mike was that name going to haunt her for ever. "You don't trust me enough to hear the answer?"

"Either answer is a death knell right now." Sara admitted. "If you did well that's a bit of a blow and if you didn't why right now don't I trust in us enough to think that anyway."

"Reasonable doubt. I put it in your mind from nearly the first moment Mike came. I wanted to tease you a little and it got out of hand with the whole Zamesca Case. I never really gained your trust back after that did I?"

"I wanted to keep work and home apart but I couldn't." Sara admitted.

"That's the trouble with fishing off the company pier." Catherine nodded. "So logger heads."

"No this is Bide-a-weed Logger heads is five miles down the road."

Catherine found herself laughing hard long and quite uncontrollably for a moment before she burst in to tears. Sara and her Carry on Screaming quotes Catherine could never see what her young lover had ever seen in that patchy old English comedy. Sara loved it though and was always randomly quoting it. In that one moment it summed up everything she and Sara were and everything she was sure she was on the verge of losing.

"Bad timing." Sara conceded pulling Catherine into a hug. "Random things just pop into my mind."

"Never apologise for the way your mind works it's amazing." Catherine told her.

**OO **

"You should have talked to me." Nancy looked Sara in the eye waiting for her to answer.

"I couldn't tell you that I thought you sister was sleeping with someone else. She's your sister you didn't want to know that. I also had no clue if Catherine was confiding in you or not the last thing that I wanted to do was put you in an uncomfortable position."

"Yeah well that didn't work then because my sister and my best friend are falling apart and I'm in the middle."

"I'll go then." Sara stated the last thing she wanted was to make Nancy feel uncomfortable she had been nothing but amazing to her from the moment they had met.

"Don't be silly," Nancy smiled "You only have your underwear on." Nancy pointed out poking Sara's bare stomach.

"Yeah Aaron might worry if he realises that when I stay here I still don't use the spare room."

"Sara we're near enough family."

"Hold that thought," Sara smiled ruefully "Now shut up I need to sleep."

**OO**

"What do we have?" Sara asked holding up the yellow tape and letting Catherine duck under before she followed.

"Hey Guy's." Vartan greeted the two CSIs before turning to the Scene "Female DB mid-twenties no sign of forced entry boyfriend called it in when he found her." He motioned to a man being treated by paramedic's in the drive. "He's in shock hasn't said a word." Vartan continued.

"Coroner here yet?" Catherine asked the detective before deciding her next move.

"On route." He replied turning slightly away from the two women in front of him to watch the officers bustling off to one side. "One moment ladies." He said heading off to find out what was going on.

"Sar I'll go see what I can get from the boyfriend and meet you at the body. Go take a look but no hands till the body's been released."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Sara smiled backing off.

"Yeah girl scout you." Catherine muttered watching the brunette leave.

**OO**

"I'm sorry for your loss sir." Catherine's voice was sombre as she approached the young man sat in the back of an ambulance.

He looked up at her but didn't say a word as she came to a stop in front of him.

"Sir I know this is hard but anything you can tell me might help me work out what happened here."

"I…Un we…"

Catherine let him take a moment to compose himself she was aware of the fact that being the one to find the body he was a viable suspect. For the moment she was also more than aware that if she had found Sara dead then words would be difficult for her too.

"Sorry, she said we needed to talk and that I should come home straight from work so we could have some quality time."

"When you arrived home was there anything out of the ordinary."

"Out of the ordinary!" he stood stepping closer to Catherine who took an instinctive step back. "I found Kel the love of my life dead, no not just dead mutilated in the home we had planned to raise a family in so yeah lady that was pretty freakin' **out of the ordinary**!"

**OO**

"Hey." Sara greated Catherine gently as the older woman joined her in the kitchen where the body of Kelly Matheson had been discovered. Sara was taking photos of the body as she waited for David to finish his preliminary report.

"Hey." Catherine smiled visibly relaxing after her interview with the boyfriend there was something in the timber of Sara's voice that never failed to calm Catherine when she really needed it. She shook her head with a tiny sigh she could be on the verge of losing the best thing that ever happened to her.

'_Way to go Willows you decided to have that little epiphany in the middle of a crime scene, hold it together!'_

"Cath." A warm hand encased her wrist snapping Catherine back to reality. "You ok?" Sara's brown eyes bubbled with concern as she gazed at her and it was nearly too much for Catherine.

"I'm fine." Catherine insisted turning from the room heading out of the door. "I'll take upstairs." Catherine threw over her shoulder hoping that she might be able to regain her composure if Sara wasn't in the room.

"Hey this is me you're talking to remember." Sara told her gently tugging her retreat to a halt halfway across the living room. "What's going on?" The concern on Sara's face was nearly Catherine's undoing.

"There were a few crossed words with the victim's boyfriend it was nothing." Catherine tried to assure Sara.

"What did he do did he hurt you?" Sara's protective streak never failed to astonish Catherine.

"No it was more me I didn't seem to be able to say the right thing."

"We're not counsellors Cath we're don't have the right words."

"Yeah and I have no clue as to why this upsets me so much I'm just being silly today." Catherine smiled. "Today it seems cruel that we need to treat him as a suspect for the time being."

"It's not nice standing where he is." Sara paused for a moment and Catherine took the opportunity to move closer to Sara. "When my family died," Sara's voice was barely above a whisper and Catherine had to strain to hear. "I was broken and it hurt in every way possible and I was a suspect my clothes were taken they took DNA and prints and tore my statement apart all i managed was scared."

"Not helping." Catherine pointed out sighing.

"No." Sara smiled a little pulling Catherine closer. "But what if I had killed them and I'd have gotten away with it because I 'looked' upset we have to do our jobs."

"I know I'm just being silly."

"No I'm worried Cath are you sure you're ok?"

"I just keep thinking what it would be like to find you dead Sar'"

"Hey you need to stop that now." Sara scolded gently. "I'm here and I'm safe and I plan on keeping it that way for a long time to come."

"Promise?"

"Of course Cath. Look are you going to be ok because if this is going to get to you then I don't mind you swapping with Greg I'm sure he would love to get out of his paper work."

"No I'm ok I want to see this through, I want to work with you, I miss you."

"Cath."

"No look it's ok don't say anything let's just get on with it before David comes to find out what's keeping us."

**OO**

"So Super Dave what do we have?" Sara tried to sound as normal as she could after her conversation with Catherine. Being honest though she was worried about the older woman. Catherine was a warm and fiery woman who was passionate about things that meant a lot to her but she was also an ultimate professional who never let her emotions come in to play unless it was going to help solve a case. So an over emotional Catherine while at a scene was a worry. Sara had to take in to consideration everything that was going on, it wasn't every day that you lost a close friend and your girlfriend moved out.

"Well liver temp was pretty easy to find." David Pointed out the massive abdominal wound that had left most of the victim's internal organs exposed to the world.

"So can we rule out natural causes?" Sara wondered aloud snapping shots of the victim's wounds.

"Well that I can't help you with just yet." David smiled kind heartedly. "Though I can tell you that body temp is so 29°C so that puts TOD at between three and four hours ago. I'm afraid that's where the good news run's out; at a glance she's missing her womb and ovaries."

"Sorry."

"Yes I'm afraid so." David grimaced.

"That's just…" Sara trailed off there was not many words to describe what had happened to this poor woman.

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**Thank you for reading please review =)**


	48. Dumb Struck

**I've been good and gotten this out as soon as i could now i ask for a favor in return i would love some feedback good or bad, love it or think i've lost my mind, i would love to know gets a bit wierd when you think noone is aying attention any more. **

**Any way hao you enjoy this part is rated a little higer for some girl on girl action. **

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"Missing?" Catherine's face was a picture of disgust.

"According to David though we'll have to wait for the post-mortem he was just stating his observations. "

"Still missing, he must have seen or not seen something to make him think that."

"Well he didn't see her womb." Sara pointed out. "This is going to be a long night."

"Tell me and I was looking forward to getting some sleep." Catherine's yawn added to the effect of her words.

"Tired baby?" Sara offered a warm smile. There was still so much in the air between them but sometimes for Sara it boiled down to one thing she was Catherine Willows and Sara would love her forever just for that fact.

Catherine stretched out her kinks as she pulled up from the floor where she'd been taking samples from the carpet.

"Tired doesn't cover it."

"Trouble sleeping?" Sara asked not looking up from the lens of her camera.

"My girlfriend left me and I find it hard to sleep in our bed alone." Catherine told her.

"She didn't leave you she left the house." Sara pointed out still not looking up. "And if you hadn't have been a total bitch to live with for weeks then maybe she would have stayed."

Sara sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and winced at the harshness of her words. Maybe her issues were going to take longer to get over than she had imagined.

"Well don't hold back." Catherine sighed trying not to let Sara's words hurt but failing miserably so she turned to leave the room not wanting things with Sara to spill any further in to work. "I'll take the evidence we have back to the lab and see you there."

"Cath." Sara caught Catherine's arm as she was leaving the room. "That was harsh and I'm sorry I'm trying to work through this."

"Just ask me Sara and end this."

"I can't."

"How about I just tell you."

"No." Sara placed a finger gently over Catherine's mouth she wasn't ready to hear the answer and she knew it wasn't fair on Catherine but there was no way around it.

Kissing the finger over her lips Catherine gently pulled Sara's hand away from her mouth. Leaning up she kissed Sara on the lips before stepping away.

"I hate that this is us now." Catherine admitted. "I hate that I did this to us no matter what Sar' I have and will always love you and I think you feel the same. Right now though you don't trust me and sometimes I'm not sure you even like me so I don't see how we can go on from here like this."

"Cath are you finishing with me?" Sara asked panic clear in her voice. Moving out to clear her head was one thing being kicked to the curb was something else.

"Yeah." Catherine choked trying not to cry and taking a step back when Sara tried to bridge the gap between them. "I think I am."

**OO**

"So Doc what tell can you tell me?" Catherine strode into the autopsy room with an air of confidence she just didn't feel, if anything she wanted to crawl away and hide. The look on Sara's face as she had left her at their crime scene was going to haunt Catherine for a while.

"Ah Catherine I was just closing her up." Doc Robbins smiled.

"What can you tell me?" Catherine asked peering down at the corpse. The only way Catherine knew of to deal with what else that was going on around her was to throw herself into her work.

"Kelly Matheson 26 died of exsanguination from a wound to her abdomen."

"I can't believe I'm going to ask this but were any of her internal … organs still there?"

"Unfortunately no," Robins sighed. "Not for the first time this month I have a young woman on my table with her womb, fallopian tubes and ovaries missing."

"This is not the first?" Catherine asked disgusted by the thought.

"No, you and Sara have pulled the fourth such case with this MO in the last month. One from days and two with swing and now I believe that there is something serious going on here."

"Well I need to take a look at those other case files, and talk to the other CSI's, and Ecklie." Catherine sighed.

"Oh Catherine one other thing I think you need to know."

"Yeah." Catherine turned in the doorway.

"She like the others was pregnant. The first victim's husband told us at the time and after the second I started running a blood test."

"Pregnant." Catherine was dumbstruck for a moment "So our killer stole the foetus."

**OO**

"Stop banging." Sara cursed at the door as she begrudgingly made her way from the safety of her bed to the front door. She had been almost certain of not being disturbed since Nance was on shift and the kids were with Lily. Not bothering with the spy whole Sara swung the door open but on seeing her visitors on the other side she swung it shut in almost the same motion and flicked both locks. "No bloody way!" She shouted through the door before retreating back upstairs.

'_Open the door.' _

The voice resounded in Sara's head as she lay on the bed tucked into the foetal position. She contemplated pulling the pillow over her head but realised that it would do no good in this case you couldn't block out sounds that were in your head.

'_Now.'_

The voice took on an annoying sing song tone that made Sara's toes curl. She had to hand it to her tormentor they knew her well.

'_We can stay here all day.'_

"AHHH." Sara groaned once again getting up from the bed and heading to the front door. This time she just opened the door and walked away not wanting to talk to her house guests.

"Never invade my head without my permission." Sara instructed.

"What no hello?"

"Buffy, Willow hello I'm so happy to see you it's been too long." Sara's smile dripped sarcasm.

"Wow who got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning?" Buffy teased.

"Sorry." Sara sighed visibly deflating. So she was hurting there was reason to take it out on two of her best friends.

"Hey." Willow was by her side in a flash "What's wrong?"

"Cath and I split up and the last thing I need right now is you two here because I know it's not a social call."

"Not a social call." Buffy agreed with a sad smile. "But I think we can just be supportive friends for a while." Buffy told them joining Willow at Sara's side.

**OO**

"Has anyone seen the allusive Miss Sidle?" Catherine asked with a defeated sigh slipping into one of the seats in the break room. Ok so she had broken up with Sara today and that was in the grand scheme of things a major occurrence but she was a pro at pushing her feelings down until a more convenient time. Just lately that seemed impossible she found herself more emotional than she believed she had ever been.

"This just proves my point, something is going on with her." Nick nodded to himself.

"Have you seen her?" Catherine ground out between gritted teeth she had no time for the Texan's cryptic games.

"She was so out of sorts when she came back from your scene that Griss had Aaron drive her home. He wouldn't say much when he got back just that he was scared to leave her."

"She's not answering her cell." Greg added from his spot by the coffee pot he was carefully watching Catherine for a reaction. "I don't know Nance's home number."

"Who wants Nance's number?" Aaron asked striding into the room.

"No one." Greg said taking on the look of someone who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "I was just saying that Sara's not answering her cell."

"I doubt she is, when I left her she could hardly string two words together." Aaron pointed out stopping to face Catherine.

"I think we need to talk."

"Anything that is between me and Sara stays there."

"Well when it means I have to scrape my sister up from the lowest I've seen her outside a car park in Sunnydale then I want to talk about it."

Catherine knew exactly which moment Aaron was referring too. The thought that she had caused Sara that much pain was too much for her and much to everyone's surprise including her own she burst into tears fleeing the room.

"Ok so she upset Sar' but did you have to make her cry?" Greg asked.

"So is anyone else concerned by Catherine bursting into tears in public I mean I know her well she's the deny it till her throat is sore type."

"I think I might have to go smooth that over." Aaron admitted. "Or Nance and Sar' are going to kill me."

**OO**

Door locked blinds drawn Catherine sat at her desk trying to get a grip on her emotions. She had never in all her years as a CSI broken down like that in front of her colleagues'. This was getting silly she left the high emotions to younger people. The last time she herself had been this emotional was… The colour drained from her no she couldn't be there was no way was she there.

**OO**

"So who's place is this?" Buffy wanted to know.

"Cath's sister Nance, she's one of the most amazing people in the world and she's taken me in."

"More amazing than me?" Willow pouted a little.

"No one is as amazing as you Will you know that."

"Good." Willow smiled moving from her seat on the floor to sit on Sara's lap.

"Will, you'll always have that place in my heart that comes from knowing someone since even before high school you were one of the first people to be nice to me after we moved to Sunnydale and you will never know what that means to me."

"If home had still been a room at Revello Drive with a bed and no questions asked would you have come back today?"

"Might just have Buff, case or no case." Sara told them hugging Willow tighter. "I miss my family, god I miss Joyce and when I think about her I think about the others, Cordy, Anya and then Tara and of course I think about Star. I would love Sunnydale to be there and I would love to go home and have Joyce fuss over me and tell me I look too thin."

"It's not though hun." Willow said as gently as she could.

"I know, so I have to deal. I have to have my life fall apart and to pretend that while that's happening I can concentrate on this case. This case that is one of the sickest I've seen…and god that's why you two are here!"

"This one is bad." Buffy sighed and Sara paled when the slayer sighed things started to suck.

"Well I got a female DB womb missing." Sara reported shuddering as she remembered the scene she and Catherine had been called to.

"What you have in reality is four bodies matching that MO in Vegas and a string of bodies leading a path from Birch Bay…"

"Birch Bay?"

Buffy stopped her explanation as Sara butted in.

"I have no clue where that is." Sara admitted.

"Washington." Willow told her. "Now let Buffy finish little miss impatient."

"Yes ma'am."

"As I was saying." Buffy's glare was teasing. "From Birch Bay down through Washington Oregon and then California and now into Nevada."

"That's one hell of a trail of destruction so what do we know?" Sara asked sitting forward a little though that was hindered slightly by Willow sitting on her lap.

"Not a hell of a lot at the moment."

"Not a hell of a lot." Sara snorted. "You guys have had this how long and you know nothing."

"I didn't say nothing." Buffy pointed out. "And yes we've had this for a couple of months and we're still a little in the dark."

"So what this is something new?"

"No it is something old. Something we have never seen before and even with all the research we've been doing we are batting in the dark."

"Mean time young women are turning up dead and it's going to run amuck through Vegas now." Sara stood unceremoniously dumping Willow on to her butt and ran her hands nervously through her hair. "So something 'old' drags it's self out of the water in Birch Bay and has a hell of a road trip to Vegas and here we are."

"Young Pregnant women." Buffy added wanting to get all the anger and negativity out of the way in one go.

"Pregnant." Sara wasn't sure she could take much more in one day. "They were killed, maimed and their unborn babies were stolen from their dead bodies."

"Pretty much oh and none of the women we know of put up much of a fight."

"No signs of forced entry." Sara mumbled repeating the words Vartan had told her and Catherine when they had turned up at their scene.

"Sorry?" Buffy wasn't sure she had heard Sara speak.

"No signs of forced entry we were told that today when we found your latest body she just let her killer in. So what is this thing that people trust to let in to their homes and let it kill them?"

"If we knew that Sar' we'd have left you out of this."

"Fuck!" Sara cursed heading to the window. There was a demon on the loose in Vegas, Catherine was working the case with her oh and the fore mentioned Ms Willows had dumped her. "This is going to get complicated."

"Yep." Buffy nodded.

**OO**

Catherine's hands shook and the tears ran freely down her cheeks. Of all the things that could happen right then she had a feeling this was one of the worst. Her knuckles strained white against the contents of her hand and she threw it across the room. God she needed to talk to someone funny the first person to pop in to her head was Sara.

"Yah because that's going to happen." She chuckled dryly to herself.

No it would have to be the next best thing she sighed to herself picking up her keys wiping her eyes she headed to her sisters.

**OO**

"I need to go kill something." Buffy stated stretching out her kinks the research bit was so not her thing. Sara had to laugh to someone else that statement might be alarming but she and Willow never batted an eyelid.

"Go." Sara smiled. "If anyone can find Vegas' demon population I'd say it was the slayer and you might find out something."

"Yeah ok so you two are going to keep doing the book stuff?"

Sara smiled. "After all this time Buff you still can't say research."

"I can but then I feel like I should be the librarian."

"Sometimes she's still 15." Sara laughed with Willow as they watched Buffy leave.

"Yeah sometimes I think it's her coping mechanism and god knows we all need one."

"This route follows the I-5 almost all the way down till it gets too close to civilisation." Sara was well aware that she had glossed right over Willows attempt to get her to open up some more. Sara's defence mechanism had been Catherine and that was now in tatters around her feet she wasn't sure she could talk to even Willow about that yet.

Willow just smiled she'd get there in the end.

"Yeah then it follows the I-15 roughly just not coming to near population." Willow continued.

"Till it hits Vegas and who believes the hype? 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.'"

"We still know so little about this thing." Willow admitted.

"Did you think that you and Tara would ever have children?"

Willow shook her head you could get whiplash from a conversation with Sara.

"Maybe, but our world changes so much. "What about you and Star?"

"I never thought about it we were so young and we were taken up in this world of demons and bad guys it was just about being young and in love. Cath though god yes I wanted us to have more kids."

"More?" Willow asked puzzled.

"Yeah To us Lind's is ours and I wanted more of the same and it hurts to think that I might have lost it."

"Come here." Willow motioned with her head holding her arms open and Sara willingly sank into her old friend's embrace hiding her head in the crock of Willows neck.

"I've missed Willow hugs." Sara sighed.

It was Catherine who replied. "I'm sorry my hugs were no good."

**OO**

Sara screeched her car to a halt and abandoned it haphazardly across Catherine's front drive. The moment the shock of her words had worn off Sara had left Willow and followed Catherine from the house. Unfortunately all Sara had been in time to witness was a screech of tyres as she had driven off. Following in her own car Sara now found herself hammering on Catherine's locked front door.

"Please Catherine we need to talk!" When there was no answer Sara continued. "Fine I'll sit here all day I'm sure Lind's needs to come home at some point and you'll have to let her in."

"Leave Lind's out of this." Catherine seethed swinging the door open then turning to walk away from Sara.

"I would never drag our daughter into anything like this." Sara assured her. "I just wanted you to open the door."

"Why Sara?" Catherine wanted to know stopping her retreat and turning to face her. There was no anger in Catherine's stance and the defeated look in her eyes scared Sara.

"Because you busted out of there with the wrong idea and I want the chance to set the record straight."

"There's no need you're a free agent Sara there's nothing between us any more so you can hug who you like."

"Never say that."

"Why?" Catherine wanted to know. "You moved out remember and left me hanging in limbo. You were right though the end started long before that Sar just let it go."

Catherine couldn't believe she was saying this all she wanted to do was hold on tight to Sara and make the brunette promise that they could still work this out. She knew there was no way that was ever going to happen. Sara wasn't going to want her not when she knew the truth. Catherine wasn't prepared for Sara to move so fast and the she was broken from her thoughts by Sara pining her to the nearest wall.

"Sara what are you doing."

Catherine couldn't help the tingle of anticipation that ran through her at the look in Sara's eye.

"Willow is my old friend we've know each other since high school, I'm telling you this because she's going to be around for a while and I don't want any misunderstandings because Cath." Sara dropped her voice and lowered her head to talk directly in to Catherine's ear. "There will always be something between us." Sara told her before lowering her lips to Catherine's ear and kissing.

Catherine couldn't control the whimper as Sara's soft lips came into contact with her skin. Sara's lips felt like they were a 100℃ and they were setting her on fire.

"Sar' What are you doing." Catherine managed to ask before Sara's lips made contact with her throat and she lost cognitive thought.

"Kissing you." Sara stated moving her lips on Catherine's throat as she said the words. She was so intoxicated by the feeling of her lips once again on Catherine's skin that nothing else mattered. She wanted to hear Catherine scream her name in exhilaration and it would take all her will power to stop now if she told her too. With no words of discouragement from her partner Sara ran her hands down Catherine's sides pulling her shirt out where it was tucked in to her pants. They both whimpered in delight as Sara's gentle fingers came in to contact with the creamy soft skin of Catherine's sides.

Catherine felt alive everywhere Sara touched her as Sara's fingers travelled up her side dragging her shirt up as she went. Catherine was split in two half of her was alive humming with desire at Sara's touch. Half of her was only to aware that Sara needed to know the truth. Though reason and the sense of what was best ran from her mind and Sara's name was ripped from her lips as her young lovers lips made contact with the newly exposed flesh of her breast.

Sara could sense Catherine's hesitance and in truth she didn't blame her Sara couldn't think straight with Catherine that close though and all she knew in that moment was that she needed to be touching, kissing and making Catherine scream. She kissed Catherine's soft breasts as she ran her finger tips around her chest with a feather light touch to find the clasp of her bra. Once released Sara ran her tongue down circling one nipple then the other before taking in in turns to suck both pebbled buds into her warm and willing mouth.

Catherine cursed at the loss of heat as her nipple slipped from Sara's mouth with a wet pop. She found herself writhing with pleasure once again though as she trailed her lips down Catherine's flat stomach with warm wet open mouthed kisses. Catherine was on fire they say absence makes the heart grow fonder well she was finding that it had turned her body in to a super conductor and she was feeling everything that her lover was doing tenfold. The outcome a pool of liquid heat was flowing through her to her groin. She was sure that soon she was going to fall right over the edge without Sara getting anywhere near her most intimate parts. She hummed in apprehension as Sara's tongue circled her belly button and dipped in. Looking down Catherine's brain short circuited at what was one of the most erotic she had ever seen Sara on her knees eyes dark as night with desire slowly dipping her tongue into her belly button. Catherine only had a second to take in the sight as Sara moved lower unsteady hands taking a moment to work the buttons on Catherine's pants. As Sara got the buttons undone and her lips moved lower Catherine could hold on no more closing her eyes and rolling her head back her body exploded to life as the knot in her stomach released and red hot pleasure rolled through her veins as she came.

Sara felt the older woman's orgasm explode and soothingly kissed her stomach as she rode the waves of pleasure. It had been a long time since they had made love and it was amazing to once again watch Catherine come. Sara knew her lover well and she knew that coming that soon would only leave her wanting more so as Catherine panted trying to regain her breathing she set about removing Catherine's pants once they were out of the way she simple ripped the panties off removing the final barrier between her and her goal. Standing she rubbed her nose over Catherine's getting the older woman's attention.

"Cath look at me." Sara's voice was thick with lust and pure amazement at the beauty before her. Baby blues flicked open and they smiled at each other for a moment. Before Sara crushed her lips to Catherine's and let her right hand wander to Catherine's warm wet folds while her left hand snacked up in to blond locks. Catherine's hip's bucked against her hand seeking out more contact and for a moment Sara thought about teasing her lover a little but she was selfish in that moment she wanted to be inside Catherine and she wanted to see the older woman come again. With a quick movement She thrust three fingers in to Catherine's silky centre and her knee's nearly buckled at the feel of warm wet tight heat around her fingers.

"Hard.. Need you hard." Catherine managed to pant pulling her lips from Sara's. The young brunette had on to many clothes Catherine needed to feel there skin touching. With no patients she ripped at Sara's shirt buttons flying every where. She realised that to remove it totally Sara would have to move her hand and Catherine thought she would die it that happened so she let it fall open and set about pulling off her bra that she totally ripped from her lovers body and it fell to the floor in a shredded heap. Catherine pulled Sara closer their naked bodied moulded together and Catherine moved her hips faster to meet Sara's thrust she was so close she just needed a little more.

Come for me baby." Sara purred in to Catherine's ear. She could see she was so close and she wanted to feel the blond tighten around her fingers she had an almost primal need to feel her orgasm from the inside. Running her thumb around the enlarged tangle of nerves she found Sara got her wish as Catherine's thrusts lost all coordination and her inner walls tried to pull Sara in deeper as she came.

"Bed." Catherine growled as Sara removed her fingers and sucked them in to her mouth.

**OO**

"Open your eyes." Catherine gently stroked the side of Sara's face with her index finger.

"No." Sara answered though she smiled and moved in to Catherine's touch.

"Why?" Catherine wanted to know.

"If I open my eyes the world will be waiting I just want to be here with you and nothing else matter." Sara told her rolling on to her side to face Catherine but still not opening her eyes.

"The world is waiting and we both know we have to face it." Catherine told her leaning over to kiss her on the nose. Sometimes Sara could be such a child and Catherine loved her more for that with everything that Sara had seen and done she still had some innocence.

"No Cath right now I'm happy to be here in bed with you why can't you be happy too."

"I am so happy to be here with you and I'm so spent right now and I love it I never thought I would get to make love with you ever again."

"Why spoil it?" Sara asked opening her eyes noticing the look of desperation in Catherine's eyes. "What is it?"

"I have something to tell you something you need to know now before anything else happens between us."

"Cath just tell me I'm here I'll listen." Sara assured her.

"I'm pregnant."

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**So did you see that coming and can you believe i left it ther .. Well tell me please :-)**

**Thanks for reading PLEASE let me know what you think. **


	49. A River in Egypt

**So here we are guys the next instalment for your viewing hope you find it worth the wait.**

**Thank you guys so much for all the comments on the last chapter and i hope to hear from you guys again good or bad i want to hear.**

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Of all the ways Catherine had thought of breaking the news, that was probably the bluntest although it had gotten the job done she wondered if there had been gentler ways. She shook her head ruefully she had just told the woman she loved that she was having a dead man's baby there was no good ways to say it. She watched as Sara stood at the foot of the bed now fully dressed her walls slamming up so fast it was making Catherine giddy to watch.

"Sara please say something." Catherine pleaded.

"Say something." Sara almost laughed. "What should I say?" She spat. "That I hate you right now. God you really did sleep with him and you really did just throw everything we are away." Sara told her turning to the door. "Bye Catherine."

**OO**

Bounding down the stairs two at a time Sara tried to stop the tears from falling. She couldn't quite believe what she had heard. Everything they had Catherine had taken, tainted and thrown away. The proof of that matter was growing inside Catherine and Sara felt sick. Stopping at the bottom of the stairs something caught Sara's eye and she realised it was the sun glinting of a photo frame on the photo cabinet. Sara slowly made her way over her limbs suddenly feeling as though they were made of lead. Picking up the photo the tears that had been threatening to fall ran like Niagara Falls down her flushed cheeks. She wondered how her heart could keep beating under the pain in her chest as she gazed down at the photo of her with Catherine in her hands. It had been taken about a year ago by Nancy while they were all at the park. She and Catherine had been having a tender moment Sara was sitting on the grass back resting on a tree and Catherine was lying with her head in Sara's lap. They hadn't been aware they were being observed till Nancy had laughed and they had looked up to find her holding a camera. The photo had always been one of Sara's favourites as it had managed to capture so much of the feeling between them in one single moment that would be held there forever.

In that moment a rage built up in Sara that made her shake under its power. She hated that picture she hated Catherine she hated the house. With a force she wasn't aware she had Sara smashed the photo frame against the nearest wall still griping it tightly and several of the pieces sliced her hand causing hot deep red blood to seep from her hand.

**OO**

Catherine was broken there was no better way to describe the feeling inside as she sat on the bed holding her clothes to her chest as if their presence would keep her from falling apart. They smelled of Sara though and as Catherine doubted she was ever going to see the brunette in that room again it was all she had. Two things hit Catherine at once she had truly lost the best thing to ever happen to her and her daughter and there might never be any getting over that. Also she realised she hadn't heard Sara's car leave. Just as she made that realisation smashing from down stairs caught her attention.

Making her way down stairs slowly Catherine was surprised to find only one thing broken. Sara's temper was hard to control once she lost it so Catherine was thankful that more of the house was not in crumples. She took in Sara's defeated form sitting in a pile of broken glass on the floor and she realised that she was bleeding. Not wanting to startle the younger woman into running out while hurt Catherine took slow deliberate steps till she was by Sara's side. Crouching down Catherine's heart broke all over again when she realised where the glass had come from. The photo that she loved of her and Sara lay crumpled in the middle of the glass.

"Baby can I look." Catherine asked her voice soft. She waited for Sara to respond she knew pushing now would be a disaster. Just as she was beginning to think Sara hadn't heard her or was ignoring her Sara held her bloody hand out for Catherine to see. "God Sar'" Catherine gasped there was a piece of glass stuck in there and several large cut's covering her palm. Catherine knew that there was no way she could treat the hand herself she was going to be hard pushed to stop the bleeding she realised. "Sar I need to get you to a hospital. I know you hate the places." She added when Sara shrunk further into herself. "But you're going to bleed to death in the end else and I won't let that happen. I don't know how much it mean's right now but I'll be there all the way."

**OO**

The silence in the car was killing Catharine she had no clue as to what Sara was thinking. Normally if Sara was mad with her she found out loud and clear. Sara's silence was a new thing and something Catherine had no clue how to deal with. She knew that Sara was capable of losing herself in her head and if that happened there would be all sorts of problems.

"If you want when we get to the hospital I'll get Aaron and then I can leave you alone." Catherine sighed trying to break the silence.

"I don't want Aaron there." Sara sighed running her good hand through her hair. The last thing she needed was Aaron. He hated seeing her hurt he hated it more when it was self-inflicted and she was in no state of mind to try and explain to her brother what was going on in her head. She wasn't even sure she knew what was going on in her head at that moment. Part of her wanted to get out of the car run and never have to see Catherine again just sitting there next to her hurt too much. Then there was still that part of her that loved Catherine and was just blown away to think that she was pregnant and there was a life growing inside her. That she could be a part of that if she and Catherine could work this out. Then the other part of her won out again, that the life growing was the result of Catherine cheating on her. Could she ever look at a child that meant that, that represented the darkest part of her life?

Sara wasn't ready to think about any of that at that moment it was all too raw was all so vivid in her mind that she couldn't pin down one thought and make it stick in her mind.

"I'll call Nace." Sara told her. She realised she was probably hurting Catherine with that statement but she couldn't help it. All she could think about was being in her best friends arms and maybe making it through the night.

Catherine tried not to let the pain show in her face but it was hard her heart was broken as it was and Sara had just taken the last part and ground it into dust. In her darkest moment she wanted her sister, her fucking sister. Wow that really did hurt. Not that Catherine could blame her Nancy had always been a friend when she herself did nothing but hurt and belittle Sara, Nancy was there to pick up the pieces and put her back together and now one more time it seemed that the bond would hold Sara together.

"If that's what you want." Catherine choked back the tears.

**OO**

"Please don't get upset." Sara pleaded with Nancy when she got to the hospital.

"Don't get upset ok let's see." Nancy paused "I've just passed my sister who looks like death and has just told me that it's killing her to leave you like this, and here you are another whole in your hand not looking much better than she does. Can't think why I might get upset."

"Ok so that was a long shot." Sara admitted as Nancy came to sit next to her bed in a chair. "But it's not as bad as it looks they're not even keeping me in I just need it stitching and I'll be as good as new." Sara assured her.

"What happened though what's going on with you two?"

Sara rested her head back and closed her eyes this was the part she realised she hadn't thought through too much. Having Nancy there for her was one thing but making Nancy feel like the piggy in the middle between her and Catherine was not going to do anyone any good. Sara wasn't even sure she could tell anyone at that moment anyway. Part of her was feeling very immature and if she didn't say the words they wouldn't be real and she could live in her own little world of denial.

"Sara please whatever it is it can't be worth you sitting in hospital I mean this is you and Catherine we are talking about you two have been at your best since you got together." Nancy sat on the edge of Sara's bed pulling her uninjured hand in to her own and linking their fingers.

"Tell Catherine not me." Sara spat pulling her hand back sitting up straight pulling her knees to herself and hugging them tight. "She's the one having someone else's baby!"

"Cath's pregnant!"

"Yeah." Sara sighed the fight leaving her and she relaxed back onto the bed. "She told me today she's having HIS baby Nance. So please don't sit there and tell me that it's nothing we can't work through because it's too much. It's over Nance over!"

"Over? You love her Sara that's never over."

"I love her, she lied. I love her, she cheated. I love her and that means nothing right now."

"Even when you were at your lowest and you felt like she would never see you loved her and you never gave up on her."

"I…" Sara choked Nancy was right Sara had never given up but this Catherine was now so very different. Somehow she felt it. "All I know right now Nace it that it hurts and I can't even see past that."

"I'm not asking you to not right now I just don't want you to give up and not just because she's my sister but because she's the best thing to happen to you too."

**OO**

"Please tell me she's going to be alright." Catherine asked not even bothering to move from her seat on the sofa when Nancy entered her living room. Nancy dropped at her sisters feet and gripped her hands tightly in her own squeezing tightly before she spoke.

"Nine stitches in her hand but she's going to be as good as new. I dropped her off at my house before I came here. I left her watching a dvd with the children."

"Nance I messed up. I messed up so bad did she tell you?"

Pulling one hand out of her sisters grasp Nancy gently placed it on her sister's stomach.

"She told me you're pregnant." Nancy admitted. "Not that I believed her when she did and then I didn't want to believe it Cath I really didn't."

Pulling her sister's hand away Catherine stood up.

"Do you think I wanted to believe it? I can't believe that I let it happen and all I wanted to do was forget and hold on to Sara so tight but she knew something was going on and then this. He's dead and he's still here between us."

"Why Cath I thought you had everything you ever wanted in Sara god knows she's gone through enough pain just liking you."

"Nance if you're here to judge me I don't really need it."

"No I'm not here to judge I'm your sister and I'm here to do what ever I can to help you because at the end of the day no matter what I love you. You need to decide what you want to do though Cath."

"I want Sara, I need her here with me so bad."

"What about the baby?"

"It's all happening so fast I only just found out my self and haven't had time to get my head round the fact that I'm pregnant. I didn't mean to tell Sara before I'd had a chance to work my own mind out."

"Do you want the baby?"

"When I think that there's a part of Mike in me and I think of everything that has happened since Sam died then I just feel sick. But it's a life Nance a tiny life that asked for none of this and a life I want Sara so badly to be a part of."

"And what if Sara can't or wont be a part of things?"

"What did she say to you Nance?" Catherine asked her sister trying to work out if Nancy knew something more than she was saying.

"She was hurt and angry when we spoke so I'm not really going to know what she's thinking till she calms down a little. Cath you're my sister and I love you no matter what and I don't want you to pin your hopes on something that might never be able to happen."

"I'm having a baby Nance either way I just don't want to have to do that alone."

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**Thanks for reading =)**

**So guys what do we think! yeah i know seems a little hopeless right now but i have a plan. **


	50. Star

**So here we go again x**

**I know this one is pretty short sorry about that still worth the wait I hope. **

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'_You are and you know it.' Ashleigh sighed, she didn't want to fight with Sara especially over Faith but Sara's stubbornness to even admit that this could be a problem was getting to her. 'You are a different person around her, Buffy was too there for a while but at least she realised quick enough when someone got killed.'_

'_That wasn't Faith's fault it was a pure accident.' Sara was quick to point out, rushing to the defence of her new friend. She didn't see the problem Faith was a slayer just like Buffy. So why was one treated with respect and one made an outcast? _

'_She killed someone which I suppose could be forgiven but Sara she didn't even care.'_

'_How do you know that have you even spoken to her? Wait no because none of you will.' Sara accused turning to leave._

'_Where are you going?' Ashleigh asked. 'Not to see her." _

**OO**

Sara woke slowly for a moment not realising where she was with the over ridding feeling that she was being watched.

"Hey."

Sara instantly recognised her brothers voice and she lent up on her elbows letting her eyes adjust to the dim light in the room. Taking in her surroundings she realised she was in Nancy's room and Aaron was sitting in the chair in the corner. Laying back she smiled a little, he had probably been looking out for her the whole time she slept. Sara had to admit she was relieved to find herself in Nancy's room it was like a second home.

"How did I get here?"

"Do you remember crying your self to sleep in Nancy's arms?" Aaron asked.

"No." Sara admitted the last day was a blur she remembered leaving the hospital and it all started to go blurry after that.

"Well you did and once you were asleep I carried you to bed I had to admit I think it's strange that Nance insisted that I put you in her bed she said you would freak if you woke in her spare room."

"I probably would I never sleep in there." Sara admitted with a yawn she really was tired.

"You sleep with my girlfriend."

"Yeah all the time."

"Sara." Aaron warned.

"When I sleep at Nancy's I sleep in here I always have, I love your Mrs mate I really do she is amazing you know I have always thought that, it's no secret but it's plutonic and if you can't take that right now then we have a problem because I need her."

**OO**

'_I should get back.' Sara sighed looking over at Faith. A night at the Bronze with her friends had turned into a fight with Star when Faith had put in an appearance and Sara had found her self siding with the rouge slayer and walking away from her friends. She had no idea why Faith seemed to be the only one who really understood her in that moment but she was sure it was not the reason her friends put it down to. There was no way Faith was playing her. _

'_Come with me.' Sara found Faith's smile weakening her resolve. 'Come on you know they'll just make you feel bad for the rest of the night me and you can find some fun.' Faith's smile was predatory as she leant in to Sara grabbing her lower lip between her teeth and nipping. Sara smiled taking Faith's hand and never looked back._

**OO**

"So you just going to sit and sulk all day?" Buffy asked looking at Sara's dishevelled state.

"What do you want from me?" Sara sighed she had had enough of people telling her what she should be thinking and feeling when she her self didn't quite know what to feel any more.

"I don't want anything from you I want you to stop being this.. This .. sad state and do something about it."

"What do I do Buff, all the good things in my life are over what do I do about that?"

"Why are they over Sara? Oh yeah they're over because you said so, you stopped fighting and gave up."

"She cheated on me!" Sara shouted.

"You killed people." Buffy replied calmly not taking her eyes of Sara ignoring Willows sharp intake of breath.

"That's not the same." Sara sighed not able to meet Buffy's eyes.

"No it's not I'd say that the death of some innocent people is a hell of a lot worse. All I can say is I'm glad Ashleigh was more forgiving than you seem to be."

"You leave Star out of this." Sara seethed.

"Yeah maybe I should because I sure as hell know that if she was here she would hate the you you have become right now."

"Buffy your being hard on her!" Willow finally jumped into the conversation.

"Being too hard on her." Buffy's laugh was short and humourless. "She's making a mockery of everything that has ever happened to us by sitting there and giving up. Did Ashleigh ever give up on her, did we? God knows I think in the grand scheme of things the two misdemeanours aren't even on the same level."

"You never gave up on me." Willow echoed Buffy's words remembering the time she had needed her friends the most and they had never turned from her.

"When I cast that spell I didn't know what would happen I didn't know people were going to die, when she slept with him she knew it was going to hurt me."

"Please Sara you really think it was ever about the spell? God you hurt us all before that, you turned your back and trusted Faith and you knew that was hurting us, but I'm guessing it was about what was going on in your head more that what it did to us." When Sara just nodded Buffy continued. "Have you even stopped to ask Catherine what was going on in her head?"

**OO**

'_You…god Sara I cant talk to you right now.' Ashleigh screwed her eyes shut and turned away from Sara._

'_Star please!'_

'_Don't call me that, you don't get to call me that not today not after everything.'_

_Sara stopped in her tracks she knew that her actions had hurt everyone but hearing Ashleigh say that, she understood for the first time just how much she had hurt her girlfriend. For most people it was the damage her action had caused that they had to get their heads round. Looking at Ashleigh she realised that the consequences of her actions were one thing but by choosing Faith by turning her back on Ashleigh she had all but cheated on her in Ashleigh's eyes._

'_I know I messed everything up Ash but I need you.' Sara pleaded._

'_Messed everything up!' Ashleigh stopped in her tracks and turned around to face Sara. 'You chose HER Sara you believed HER you trusted HER. God for all I know you slept with her and you can say you didn't all you want but it doesn't matter at all right now because I don't trust you. You were so out of it when we found you the magic that the two of you were using was pretty dark you wouldn't know what you were doing. But still you did it and people died and we got hurt and you did that, you Sara Sidle and I don't know if we can ever have what we had back.'_

**OO**

"DB in Henderson." Grissum handed the slip to Catherine. He turned to Sara. "This looks like another case with the same MO as the one you are handling so I want you two to handle it. Oh and Cath I spoke to Ecklie and he will get you the case files on the other case as you asked."

"Ok." Catherine smiled at Grissum and even if no one else noticed Sara was quick to pick up on the fact that the smile didn't reach her eyes.

"You asked for the files." Sara questioned managing to look at Catherine's shoulder as the blond cast her attention in her direction. Sara found herself torn somewhere between guilt anger and shame and looking at Catherine only intensified all of those feelings.

"I know you would need them and you weren't around for me to talk to so I went to Griss. I was thinking I should probably stay here in the lab and work on the evidence we already have before you bring more in."

Sara had to smile Catherine was giving her a get out of jail free card. They didn't have that much evidence so they wouldn't be over run even if they brought a substantial amount back this time. What it was though was Catherine's way of giving the younger woman space and Sara was touched by that. As she stood to leave something else hit her. This scene would be another woman who was pregnant dead and missing her unborn baby, her eyes snapped to Catherine a pregnant Catherine a Catherine who could be in danger as they spoke. All anyone else in the room could do was watch in horror as Sara passed out.

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**Thanks for reading =)**

**As always good bad or truly indifferent let me know what you think xx**


	51. Rebuilding Slowly

**Sorry is all I can say I just hope it's worth the wait****. **

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"Ok, so pretty sure I wasn't here when I flaked out." Sara mused aloud as she took in her surroundings. No she was damm sure she wasn't because here she was in bed at Buffy's mom's house.

'_Thought you were going to sleep forever.' _The voice seemed to ghost across the room to Sara but she knew instantly who it was.

"Star." Sara flew from the bed and pulled her former lover in to her arms squeezing her tight.

'_Ok dreamer need to breath.' _Star laughed.

"Really." Sara smiled into familiar auburn hair. "There was me thinking one if not both of us were dead."

'_Well I know I died I was there.' _Ashleigh chuckled and Sara didn't'know what was more disconcerting the fact that Star could laugh about one of the most painful moments in her life or the fact that her voice seemed to be coming from everywhere all at once.

"Don't say that." Sara sighed tightening her grip.

'_Hey face facts I died baby but you didn't not then and not now.' _Ashleigh told her pulling away a little but remaining in Sara arms. _'I am so happy that you moved on so happy that you found Catherine that I had to but in have to make you see sense.'_

"But in? Star what's going on where are we?"

'_Don't you recognise your old room?'_

"Of course I do. I know where we're meant to be but as Sunnydale is now a canyon in California I don't think that is where we are."

'_We are it's just in your head spoil sport. You are important to a lot of people upstairs and they want to see you on the right track and I thought I could help.'_

"I missed you." Sara sighed.

'_I missed you too but stop changing the subject.'_

"Ok so what you where sent from… Ok where were you sent from and why what dose it really matter in the grand scheme of things if I'm with Cath or not?"

'_It matters that you're happy and safe and we know that Catherine's the key to that as for the rest lets just say I always have and always will be looking out for you I never once lied when I said I love you and I will always be there. You though need to let down that final wall and love her enough to know she made a mistake but she's only human. I mean you could ask her why.'_

"I've been told that I owe it to you to be more forgiving.'

'_Well I know Buffy meant well but you owe it to you to talk to Catherine and try to work this out.'_

"I still want you."

'_I know baby and what we had lives in you still but we both know you have already started to move on and the way you love Catherine is beautiful just trust her again.'_

"Trust her." Sara sighed.

'_Trust her.'_

Ashleigh's voice became distant and Sara was aware of other voices calling to her.

"Sar come on girl your scaring us now." Keeping her eyes closed Sara smiled there was no mistaking Nick's Texan Drawl.

**OO**

"Really I'm fine I just spaced out for a moment."

Sara answered Grissum's question but was looking at Catherine where the blond sat in the seat next to her in Grissum's office observing her closely.

"You sure you still look pale." Catherine answered not the least bit convinced.

"I may look pale but I feel fine." Sara assured her "I just got up too fast or something."

"Still." Grissum cut in. "I think it would be best if Catherine came with you to keep an eye on you at the scene."

"No." Sara flatly refused with a shake of the head. "I'll explain to you why when we are alone." Sara answered Catherine's hurt look with a reassuring smile. "Griss you can try and force this but I will just go over your head no matter how much it would hurt to do so."

"Sara really." Grissum started but Sara cut him off.

"No Griss I'm fine I'm not going to compromise the scene. I will be working it alone you can try to bring Ecklie in on this and he can talk to the Sheriff himself if he feels the need but it will do no good this is my case and I will be going to the scene alone."

**OO**

"So we're alone." Catherine pointed out as Sara shut Catherine's office door behind them and watched the blond move across the room.

"Yes we are." Sara smiled Catherine was almost so beautiful it was unfair. How could she make her want to just drop all her defences and do as Star had asked and trust her again just by walking all sexy. "I just want you to know that this has nothing to do with… Cath you ok." Sara moved quickly to Catherine's side and guided the older woman in to the chair by her desk.

"I'm fine Sar really." Catherine assured the younger woman letting herself be helped into the chair. "Please don't fuss it only hurts more when you retreat back into your shell again" Catherine pleaded but didn't resist when Sara pulled her hands in to her own.

"You can't blame me for protecting my heart." Sara pointed out.

"No and I have to protect mine too I love you and that will never change no matter what you or I do or say."

"There are so many things we need to talk about." Sara sighed running her thumb over Catherine's wrist where she still held her hands. "I'll worry if you let me or not." Sara pointed out "if your not feeling well then you have two people to worry about."

"It's just a little cramp." Catherine smiled this was the side of Sara she missed the most mother hen was out in full force.

"And is that normal." Sara wanted to know she had never been around a pregnant woman before she had no clue what passed for normal.

"I'll let you know when there's something to worry about." Catherine assured her.

Relenting Sara moved back a little giving Catherine some space, She perched on the edge of the desk not letting go of the older woman's hand.

"What I want to know is why are you so hell bent on me keeping away from this new crime scene and the case."

Dropping to her knees in front of Catherine Sara placed her hands on the older woman's soon to be expanding midsection. "You saw my friends at Nancy's so we know that this can only mean one thing something bad is on the lose, something my darling that is killing pregnant woman and cutting out the unborn babies I can't tell you what the thought of something like that happening to you does to me."

"I'm not a little girl I can look after my self and my baby."

"Your baby." Sara frowned she didn't like the sound of that she wanted to hear Catherine say our baby she was sure of that. She wasn't as sure if it was ever going to be possible to hear the blond utter those words. Deciding that it was one of the many things they had to talk about and that this was not the best venue Sara filed it away and carried on with her explanation.

"Cath put you in front of any _'normal'_ perp." Sara gave the word normal air quotes and Catherine had to smile. "And I wouldn't be worried most people stop coming at you when you point a gun at them. This though is something else and you saw what something else did to me."

Catherine shuddered at the reference to the time Faith had been there and Sara had so very nearly died.

"Something out there is killing people and they are putting up no fight what so ever, No sign of forced entry and no defensive wounds so forgive me for worrying about you and what's going on."

"What do your friends think it is?" Catherine asked taking in the information that she had been given Sara was right about one thing this wasn't something she faced everyday and she was everything that this thing wanted.

"We have no clue we have never seen anything like it in our time and we have seen some things."

"I want you to be safe too."

"Baby I have never been able to promise you that but I always try."

**OO**

Closing her eyes Sara sucked in a deep breath and let go of it slowly in an attempt to release some of the pent up frustration she was feeling. This case was going to drive her insane. Another dead woman another missing foetus and another broken partner trying to work out how he would make it through another day. Sara had realised that it hadn't helped her cause that every time she had looked at the body she had seen Catherine lying there instead. It had gotten so bad at one point Sara had found her out side finding minimum safe distance to lose her lunch without contaminating the crime scene.

At that point she had decided that there was no point putting off her conversation with Catherine any longer. She packed up her evidence and after a quick chat with David about the body she had headed for her Tahoe slumping behind the wheel. Images of Catherine intertwined with the latest D.B were swimming in her head and she hit it off the steering wheel trying to dislodge them. Losing Catherine was no longer an option and her dying was even less of an appealing thought. No there was to be no more putting it off, no more waiting for the right moment, putting the car in to gear Sara pressed her foot to the gas and headed to the lab.

**OO**

"Has anyone seen Catherine?"

After returning to the lab and placing her evidence in all the appropriate places Sara had headed off to find the blond. Not finding her in her office the brake room or any of the labs Sara had gone in search of one of the guys. She had not expected Greg or Nick to look so guilty at the question.

"Now look we offered to call you." Nick's immediate answer had gotten Sara suspicious.

"Or even come get you." Greg added and Sara had wanted to throw something all she wanted was an answer to her question.

"Where is she?"

"She was feeling really ill and we were worried." Nick started before Greg cut in.

"Yeah and like we said we wanted to come get you but she was insistent that you not be called."

"So anyway." Nick glared at Greg. "She looked really ill but you know Cath she wouldn't let any of us help but she finally listened to Griss and she went to the hospital."

"Hospital." Sara ground out the word. Were these people really standing there trying to tell her this and expecting her not to hit one of them for not just calling her.

"Yeah like we said she was insistent on you not being called."

"Arh!" Sara was lost somewhere between anger and hopelessness. Cath had gone to hospital and not wanted her there not felt the need to even call her and let her know something was wrong. The thought that there relationship was never going to heal crashed into her nearly causing her to fall over. What ever had been between them that had caused Catherine to seek comfort in the arms of someone else was still lingering there.

"Sara where are you going?"

Sara wasn't even fully aware she was moving till Greg called out to her. She wasn't sure she had the answer either she wanted to go to the hospital she wanted to shake Catherine silly for not thinking that she might be worried sick when she found out. There was the part of her that was upset as hell that she was still being shut out at every turn and needed a moment to calm down before she saw Catherine.

Pulling out the phone Sara dialed the number that was second nature to her.

"Why are you calling me and not on your way to the hospital to see my sister?" Nancy answered the phone with out so much as a greeting.

"Nance I'm lost what the hell am I meant to do she's still shutting me down at every chance she gets if she's not going to let me in then this is not worth either of us trying."

"Stop doubting yourself and get to the hospital now. She only shuts you down because she's not sure you are still there for her go now and show her, make her open up to you."

"But Nance."

"No shut up go now."

**OO**

"My name is Sara Sidle and I'm here to see Catherine Willows." Sara stopped at the first desk she found as she entered Desert Palm ER department.

"Sara." A brunette nurse strode up to Sara's side looking concerned.

"I' sorry do I know you?" Sara asked confused sure she had no idea who this woman was and why she knew her name.

Looking just as puzzled as Sara the nurse replied. "I'm Nurse Williams, Ilooked after Catherine remember?"

"I'm her to see Catherine." Sara clarified. "I only just found out she was here."

"But sweetie she left just over an hour ago … with you."

* * *

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**You guys know what I want good bad or Ugly let me know what you think. **


	52. That's Not Me

"With me." Sara echoed the words she had just heard nothing making sense for a moment. There was something dreadfully wrong she could just feel it she knew the answer it just wouldn't come, and then something just clicked in her head.

'_You guys look rough.' Sara commented handing the two men in her apartment a beer. _

'_Well that was.' Sam trailed off as he took a swig from his bottle. He shut his eyes and let the cool amber liquid hit the back of his throat. It wasn't strong enough there wasn't any burn. _

'_Intense.' Dean finished taking a drink from his own bottle as Sam opened his eye and locked eyes with his brother he realised they were thinking the same thing. _

'_Got anything stronger.'_

'_Yeah sure just tell me what the hell is going on.'_

_Sara was worried she was used to they guys turning up when they needed somewhere to stay or some help but for two seasoned hunters they looked spooked. _

'_Shape shifter.' Dean answered 'Stole my bloody face.'_

Sara let the memory fade as something terrible dawned on her. Catherine had left here with a shape shifter, a shape shifter who was probably responsible for the string of deaths across the country.

Pulling out her ID Sara rounded on the nurse who had spoken to her.

"CSI Sidle with the LVPD and I need to see all the CCTV footage of the last two hours.

**OO**

Dialling the number she needed and putting her cell phone on speaker she tossed it into the passenger seat and slid in behind the wheel. When she heard the click to say she had been connected she didn't give the person on the other end a chance to answer.

"Shape shifter." Sara announced pulling out of the car park and starting the journey across the city to find Catherine.

"Hello and what?" Buffy's amused voice came over the phone and filled the car.

"No time to be nice." Sara told her. "Because I've worked out what we're facing. Unfortunately not before it took Catherine."

"A shape shifter!" Buffy's voice was no longer amused. "I have never faced one of those."

"No neither have I but Catherine walked out of the hospital with me Buff I've seen the CCTV tape trouble is I was working across town on a crime scene from our case."

"So it has her."

"Yeah."

"And where are you."

"On my bloody way there." Sara announced as if she would be anywhere else.

"Alone and unarmed." Buffy stated knowing her friend would not listen to reason right now but she had to try.

"It has Catherine Buff this thing has been killing pregnant women for months and now it has Cath. Of those pregnant woman this is the only one I give a damm about."

"Point taken but what use are you if you wind up dead before you get near her."

"I'll take my chances on getting near her Buff that's why I called you get to Catherine's and bring silver bloody bullets."

**OO**

"Sara it means a lot that you came to get me." Catherine smiled at her ex girlfriend.

"Where else would I have been." _Sara_ smiled handing Catherine the glass of water she asked for.

"I know but its still hard to believe after everything I keep putting you through you still keep coming back."

"Oh it will all be worth it." _Sara _smiled placing one hand on Catherine's tummy.

"We have so much to talk about." Catherine sighed. Putting the glass to her lips and then pulling it away a little. "I know earlier was not the time but you're here now."

"Yeah I'm here and it will all be taken care off."

Catherine failed to notice the menacing tone in _Sara's_ voice.

"For now though drink your water and try to rest."

**OO**

"Do you know how hard it is to get hold of silver bullets in Vegas." Buffy pointed out as she handed over her acquisition.

"Don't really care." Sara told her emptying her mag out onto the street before loading her gun with the silver bullets. "You had a couple more minutes then I was going in without you."

"I guess that was kind of surprised to see you still out here."

"Well you're here and I'm armed no need to wait." Sara stood from her hiding spot crouched behind her car.

Keeping low they crossed the lawn trying to keep out of sight from any of the windows. Still low Sara crawled under the porch window and tried the front door finding it locked she stood and reached into her pocket pulling out a set of keys. Slipping them into the lock she turned them gently trying not to make any noise. Looking at Buffy making sure they were on the same page Sara slowly squeezed the handle and gently pushed the door. Sara took a second to close her eyes the rest of her life depended on what was on the other side of this door. If Catherine was .. Sara couldn't even finish the thought couldn't contemplate telling Lindsey that her mom was gone too.

Then she let it go Buffy's life could depend on Sara keeping it together for the next couple of minutes.

"I've got your back no matter what." Buffy whispered as Sara entered the house.

The lounge seemed so normal it was almost alien as Sara scanned the room. She doubted her sanity for a moment as she watched on as another version of her leaned over a sleeping Catherine.

"Step away from her." Sara hissed pointing the gun at, herself.

"Don't think I will."

The smile on her doubles' face was pure evil and she wondered if she ever looked that bad.

"You see if I move you'll shoot me, I don't think you'll have the nerve to shoot me if I'm this close to your dear Catherine."

"Don't try me." Sara warned. "You so much as twitch in her direction I'll put six in you."

"And what good will that do."

"Well if this was my service weapon I'd say not a lot but my friend as this is loaded with silver I'd say I'll be the last thing you see."

Sara watched for a moment as doubt crossed her features.

"You've done your homework."

"Yeah well I have friends in high places."

"That you may have but I still doubt you could kill me before I kill her."

"Want to take that chance sure we can play that game." Sara smiled her own evil smile and squeezed the trigger.

Sara watched as her shoot narrowly missed it's target but the shot had it's desired effect as her evil doppelganger dived away from Catherine.

"I will have her and I will feast on the child."

Sara felt so sick at those words from seemingly her own voice that her hand nearly shook.

"Over my dead body."

"If you wish." was her doubles parting shot as she headed out to the kitchen.

"Leave the creature, for now make sure Catherine is OK." Buffy insisted as she saw Sara's body shape change to go after the shape shifter. "We will get it and it will pay."

**OO **

Sara sat in awe as the paediatrician that had been called to Catherine's room scanned Catherine's womb. The life in there was tiny but it was strong and it was still there no matter what her evil double had tried.

Catherine was going to wake up soon and then they could talk and they would catch and kill this thing and life would go on Sara would make sure of that.

"You ok Miss Sidle." Dr Croft asked.

"That's our baby." Sara smiled tears in her eyes.

"Our baby." Catherine's weak voice croaked from behind Sara.

"Our baby." Sara was firm as she turned back to look at Catherine. "Cath little thing couldn't be anything else."

"Well know we know everything is ok I'll leave you to rest." Dr Croft told them.

"Thank you." Sara stood to shake the Dr's hand before coming to sit next to Catherine.

"What happened?" Catherine asked "The last thing I remember is we were at home and then I must of blacked out."

"You were drugged they think you ingested it." Sara spoke and it wasn't lost on Catherine that Sara couldn't look at her. "Did you eat or drink anything."

"Sara you gave me a glass of water." Catherine sat up a little moving up the bed away from Sara. "You were pretty insistent that I drink it if I remember."

"Cath we need to talk about that."

"Sara did you drug me?" Catherine sounded out raged.

"Cath in all the years we have know each other have I ever physically hurt you."

"Physically no." Catherine had to admit.

"Then no I didn't drug you."

"But it was only you and I there. We talked you gave me water."

"I wasn't there Cath you can asked the guys I got back from the scene and went to the hospital to find you gone."

"I left with you." Catherine was insistent what the hell was Sara trying to pull.

"You left with someone that looked like me I'll give you that."

"Looked like you smelt like you god she even tasted like you."

"You kissed her." It was Sara's turn to be outraged.

"I kissed you."

"You kissed a shape shifter." Buffy who had been waiting out side stepped in at the sound of raised voices while Sara pouted.

"A what?" Catherine looked bewildered between Sara and Buffy.

"A shape shifter." Buffy came to sit next to Sara. "Catherine I'm Buffy Summers and together for a long time with Sara and some others we have stopped all sorts of creatures."

"I know this Sara has told me some of it."

"Well every now and then something even we haven't seen will come along this time it's a creature that it seems can change it's appearance to be anyone it wants."

"Any one." Catherine was silent for a moment and Buffy and Sara left her to her thoughts. "I left here with a monster wearing Sara's face that wanted to kill me and wanted the baby, our baby!" The look of pain on Catherine's face broke Sara's heart and she gripped her hand leaning in to kiss her temple.

"Cath baby it's going to be ok." Sara tried to reassure her ex lover. "We got there and we made sure it didn't hurt you and I will keep you safe with my dying breath." Sara vowed.

"Don't say that." Both Catherine and Buffy commanded not looking happy at the prospect of Sara sacrificing her self.

"Buffy can we have a moment." Sara asked never taking her eyes off of Catherine.

"Sure I won't be far though god knows who this thing is going to look like now."

"Yeah thanks for that happy thought." Sara sighed.

"Hearing the door click Sara moved from the seat she had been occupying to sit on the edge of the bed.

"I have no problem with the fact that I might have to die to keep you, Lindsey and baby safe."

"Well I do." Catherine insisted there was just no way on gods sweet earth that she could live without Sara. "Having you move out was one thing putting you in the ground is another thing something I don't think I could survive."

"When we got there today and that thing was there with you and you were so still and I thought for a split second that …" Sara trailed off and closed her eyes she felt sick to her stomach. That thing had gotten so close to Catherine because it looked like her. Catherine's trust of Sara had nearly gotten her killed.

"Sara talk to me." Catherine pleaded the last thing she wanted now was for Sara to pull away. She felt like they could be getting somewhere.

"That thing got close to you wearing my face."

"It could have been anyone just as easy Lind's or Nancy would have had no problem getting that close." Catherine reasoned. "Don't even try to make this your fault baby you saved me." Catherine assured her placing her hands either side of Sara's face. Catherine's heart soared as Sara made no move to pull away in fact the burette leaned in to the touch. "I love you."

"I love you too." Sara admitted bowing her head.

"I know we still have a lot to sort through but as long as that doesn't change I think we'll be ok."

**OO**

"Sara!" The squeal was no longer part of the greeting but over the years the joy in Lindsey's eyes had never diminished.

"Hey Lind's." Sara smiled hugging the girl. Sara sent out a silent prayer that Lindsey had been out the day before when that monster had been in the house.

"Mom's here you know." Lindsey whispered she was used to Sara only being there when her mom was out.

"I know Lind's and that's just fine."

"What's just fine." Catherine asked coming in to the lounge.

"Us both being here." Sara smiled at her ex girlfriend. She really did look amazing in anything and sweats and t-shirt were no exception. Sara was hit by the perfection of such a simple moment being 'home' with Catherine and Lindsey was all she ever wanted.

"Are you guys getting back together and before you answer remember I'm not a kid any more and I saw Sara's bag by the door."

"Not yet." Sara wrapped her arm around the young woman and pulled her tight. "There's a lot that me and you mom need to talk over but I think we will get there."

"Lind's" Catherine came to sit next to her daughter catching Sara's eye over her head.

Sara shook her head there was no way that Lindsey was ever going to know about any of the darker things in this world not if she had her way. It struck her as a little funny Buffy wasn't that much older than Lindsey was when she found out she was the slayer maybe a year or two. There was no way Sara could imagine any other life for the blond slayer or the rest of the Scooby's but in the same way she could never imagine Lindsey facing down a blood starved Vampire and there was no way while there was breath in her body that would happen.

"You know we've been working a new case and it's been very difficult on the both of us. Right now Sara would feel safer if she was here to keep us safe."

"So what happens when the case is over and the bad guy has been caught you just leave us again? Because to tell you the truth I don't think I like that plan. I also think that I should get a say in who sleeps on the couch even if it is Sara."

"Where are you going?" Sara asked as the teen squeezed out from between the two adults. "Nancy will be here in a moment I'm going to get my stuff." Lindsey told them heading up the stairs. "Huh." Sara shrugged.

"What?" Catherine asked turning to the younger woman.

"I thought she might have been happier to have me here for a while."

"Well maybe like her mom she realises that her heart might never be able to mend if you leave us again." Catherine turned her head from Sara in an attempt to hide the tears that were threatening to fall. Feeling suddenly venerable Catherine tried to get up Sara caught her wrist before she could flee.

"Cath we agreed that it was best that I stayed here."

"No I said it was good that you wanted to protect us Sara you being here is going to tear me apart knowing the only way I could get you here was to be in danger of being killed. Knowing that just being sorry and loving you and wanting to make us work was not enough is almost to much to take."

"My being her was not meant to heart you." Sara paused for a moment. "It's meant to make you feel safe."

"And I do Sar I really do my safety is not an issue. My sanity might be though." Catherine sighed getting up and walking away.

**OO**

"Wow if looks could kill I think your sister might just have been the end of me." Sara grimaced not liking the fact that first Lindsey and then Nancy seemed upset to see her there.

"She's worried about us both she doesn't want to see either of us hurt any more."

"Well it must look like we're just moving on and glossing over what happened."

"To tell you the truth Sara it kind of feels like that right now. I know your sleeping on the couch but you're her and nothing has changed."

"Lets make it different then." Sara challenged standing up in front of Catherine and lacing their fingers together.

"What do you want."

"Talk to me."

"Right here you want to have this conversation."

"Why not we keep putting it off and putting it off and it's getting us nowhere so lets do it were alone we're here together and there's no time like right now."

"So why don't you ask me the question burning away inside?"

Sara took a deep breath and locked eyes with Catherine, "Why did you sleep with him?"

* * *

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**So what do you think i would really love it if you would let me know if this is still even worth finishing having a problem with my muse right now i know where i want it to go and a little love from you guys would help no end xx**


	53. Laid bare

**Wha**t** Can I say it has taken some time but here it is and I am happy to say I have my mojo back. So the next part should only be a day or so away. All i can say is thank you for sticking with me it means a lot xx**

* * *

"When you say it like that there's no easy answer." Catherine sighed trying to let go of Sara's hands. Sara was having none of it though and gripped Catherine's hands tighter leading the blond over to the couch.

"Just take your time Cath I'm not going anywhere."

Catherine was quiet for a moment she bent her head forward and gazed at her hands joined with Sara's. She slowly ran her thumbs over Sara's knuckles as she contemplated her next words. Sara had said she wasn't going anywhere before and she had. Catherine knew that they had been exceptional circumstances but it had still hurt to be left alone again. She looked up after a moment locking eyes with Sara.

Light twinkled in Sara's brown eyes casting an angelic look to her face Catherine smiled and leant forward kissing Sara's nose.

"I was stupid though." Catherine sighed reaching forward once more this time to push some stray bands from Sara's face. She let soft fingers trail over Sara's jaw letting her fingers linger on the pale skin. The chance to touch Sara was something Catherine had convinced herself that she was never going to get again, so in that moment her fingers had a mind of their own. "Losing you damm near killed me so knowing I pushed you out is madness. Even when we weren't together, the most amazing thing about being around you was the way you looked at me. My god Sara the way you looked at me sometimes I could almost feel you undressing me, each look was like a caress on my skin." Catherine stopped and let out a small laugh. "Of course there were times when I could tell you wanted to kill me and you were trying to work out the best way to hide your crime."

Sara chuckled and nodded. "You do know how to push my buttons."

"Yeah the other thing I always loved about our relationship. I mean the way you always looked at me I knew you could see past the superficial outer shell that the rest of the world sees. You saw past the ex dancer and the angry ex wife and even when I was focusing all that anger on you I think you saw past that too. That always made me feel so alive and so special after Eddie had taken me as low as it got you'd look at me and smile and I didn't feel so used and dirty. When we had a case a bad case, a case that left a nasty taste in your mouth you know what I used to do?"

Sara closed her eyes and bent her head forward bringing Catherine's knuckles up to her lips.

"I know exactly what you would do. You'd go and find some warm body to lose yourself in and I would lay alone in my bed wishing that it was me you were with."

"I never wished it was you." Catherine told her and Sara's head snapped up the hurt lingering in smoldering brown eyes, Catherine just smiled. "I used them baby each and every one of them just something to numb the pain I could never have gone to you like that not the way I felt about you even then. You though were the only one to really numb the pain just with a smile. God I love your smile." Catherine cupped Sara's face tracing her thumbs over Sara's lips. "Of course I just loved making you mad too Sara you are an amazing person and you have this strength about you this aura that some people feel like they can never get under. I have always known that I can get under that I know I can make you mad, make you smile, even make you cry. That makes me feel immense. I lost that in there for a while." Catherine exhaled dramatically taking Sara's hands once more and placing then in her lap.

"I have to admit that weather you were being a bitch or those rare moments you were nice it didn't really matter it was just the fact that you were giving all you attention to me that made me feel almost complete. Your stunning when you're sleeping so to me when your being driven by your emotions you are breath taking and I loved it when that was all for me. When… when he … When Mike was here for a while I wondered why I felt the way I did I mean we were still together all we had to do was work at it and then it hit me you were giving him all that attention, you got mad you were upset even just tired and Mike was there on the receiving end. It drove me insane you were mine, god Cath you ARE mine and I felt sick to my stomach to see what was going on."

"I am yours, you still feel like that." Catherine was dumb struck to think that Sara could feel that way. Catherine took one hand out of Sara's and placed it over her stomach. Sara still had trouble saying Mike's name was she really going to be able to look at his child and love it. "Even now with everything you know."

Sara took her hand and placed it over Catherine's flexing her fingers so she was caressing the warm skin under her fingers. "Did you love him?"

"No." Catherine shook her head not even needing a moment to think it through. She had asked herself the same question on many occasions and the answer was always the same he had been another warm body to numb the pain.

"Do you still love me?"

"I have told you this before Sara Sidle I have never and will never stop loving you, you are my life and I need you to live as soppy as that might sound to you."

"Not soppy baby that's why you're mine because we love each other and that's why yes even now I can say it I know you must be worried that I'm going to run a mile when the baby comes that I'm going to see Mike and not be able to do this. You have to believe that I love you enough to see you in our child not him."

"He's still here though." Catherine reasoned placing a finger on Sara's head.

"We have never talked about this stuff so of course it was going to be in my head but once we get all this out we can start to put it behind us and we can finally move on."

"I wanted to make you crazy that was all I ever planned to do with Mike."

Sara frowned at Catherine's change of pace but she stayed quiet.

"After I thought I was raped and then my dad died we changed. I felt we changed."

"I wanted to look after you I wanted you to feel like you had me to fall back on I wanted to be your rock."

"I know and to hear you say that now I know what an idiot I was. At the time though all I wanted was you to look at me like you did before. I wanted you just to be the same to me and see me as the same Catherine and not a victim and someone who needed pity."

"I never pitied you. Jesus Cath I think you are the strongest person I know I just wanted to help you find your way again."

"I know but I was so messed up in my head and I thought the way you looked at me had changed. When Mike turned up and you reacted that first time you wanted to know how long he was going to be there and then you said you don't like to share. It put the idea in my head that I could get you to react." Catherine let out a dry chuckle. " Behold my success. Things got crazy though with the whole reverse forensics I had already made you doubt me and that just put the nail in our coffin. I was lost and I wanted to just come home and be safe but I couldn't do it I had hurt you too much and I felt like a bitch and Mike was there."

"He was a warm body to ease the pain."

"Yeah he was that's all he was I threw away all we were for a warm body."

"You risked it for a warm body luckily for us you didn't manage to throw it away."

"Sara I don't expect you to just forgive me I don't deserve to be forgiven just like that."

"You don't feel like you deserve it but it's what I feel I've had a couple of wake up calls in the last few days. Knowing that thing was going to kill you cleared my head. Not just that though I got reminded that I was once as lost as you worse even and I was forgiven I was taken back we all deserve that chance."

"Sara what could you ever have done that made you feel like that."

Sara was quite for a moment. It was only fair to be as honest with Catherine as she had been, would Catherin want to hear about the girl who had killed."

"When I was 17 I thought I was unbeatable. I had Star and we had Buffy and our fight. I thought our fight was noble and in turn I thought that made me noble. I think it went to my head a bit for a while. We were the good guys though I was sure of that. Buffy was the best of the good guys she was the slayer and because of that I believed in her and everything she said and did."

Sara paused for a moment and Catherine squeezed her hands trying to encourage her to continue. She had no idea what Sara could have done that would make her feel like this but she was going to listen and she was going to do anything she could too make Sara feel better.

"There were two slayers you know that right?" Sara questioned.

"Yeah I remember Faith."

"Faith, funny name really considering." Sara pointed out. "She wasn't part of our group from the start she just rolled in to town in our Senior year. She was a slayer but that's where her similarities to Buffy ended. Buffy had us she had friends a family a life that saw her almost like any other teen. Faith never had any family and well friends Faith wasn't really a people person. But she was a slayer and we took her in she was one of us. She was like no one I had met before, Buffy saw being the slayer as a big thing it was a responsibility that sometimes she felt was too much. Faith felt like it was the coolest thing ever she's quicker, stronger and heals faster than anyone one on this planet other than Buff. She loved the power and I got caught up in her for a while. We were saving the world why shouldn't' we have some fun. Faith had fun and someone died and I still didn't see the harm in it. She staked a man she had mistaken for a Vampire after though she didn't do what most of us did she kind of liked it there for a while.

I only saw my friend I only say someone I thought needed our help and our time. I only saw what Faith wanted me to see. The Mayor of our town at the time was evil really evil and Faith chose him over us. My friends we're working to stop him and I chose Faith over them. I knew it would hurt them I knew that I was hurting Star I just thought she had to trust me. I thought that they were trying to tell me what to do and I thought that I knew what was best what was needed. Faith seemed like the only person in the world who could understand me."

Sara stopped talking as tears ran freely down her cheeks as she remembered the look on Stars face when Sara had told her that Faith understood her better than any one.

"You don't have to carry on baby really."

"I took Faith's side she said she knew a way to weaken the Mayor and I wanted to show the others that they had been so wrong. It was a spell it was meant to drain some of his power. It was dark magic darker than anything I had ever seen and it had the opposite effect. The Major needed energy pure human energy, It had two parts it needed someone pure of heart to cast it even tough it was a dark spell it needed someone to believe they were doing good to cast it. That's where I came in and I needed a sacrifice the human energy and Faith and the Mayor had chosen a group of teens who were on a bus trip they had been marked before hand and when I.. as the .. At the moment .. God Cath they all died when I did the spell."

Sara waited for Catherine to pull away. It was one thing to be unfaithful in a moment of weakness but Sara was sure that this was something else. Sara was more than a little surprised when warm hands cupped her face and a soft voice implored her to open her eyes.

"Look at me." Catherine asked.

"What."

"Did you stay with Faith after that?"

"Of course not!" Sara was horrified that Catherine could think that. "I was broken I'd done that I'd killed people. I wanted to be one of the good guys and I wasn't. It was Buffy that found me Willow that talked me in to going back Star though god I'd hurt her and she was so mad at me at first and she wouldn't even look at me. Then one night she just came to my room she just put her arms around me and told me that we would be ok."

"My point was you left you knew that it was a mistake you knew you were wrong and you turned it around."

"Turned it around. Cath when the Mayor finally fulfilled his plan so many people died. It was our graduation and he killed so many people he killed Star she died in my arms because I let her down in the last few months of her life I just let her down."

"She would never have seen it like that and she would never blame you."

"No she doesn't I know that much and I'm getting over my guilt. But Cath this is why yes I can forgive just like that and we can get through this. Not many people get a second chance to find the love of their life. I have, I got to meet you and I'm not letting go."

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**Thank you for reading =) please take a moment to review it would mean a lot xx**


	54. Adjusting

**Big thank you to CLSidle for taking the time to review the last chapter xx really makes it easier to write knowing someone is reading and enjoying. **

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"Am I hurting you?" Catherine mumbled half way between sleep and awake. She was too comfy to move but realised that Sara might not feel the same.

"No baby." Sara assured her kissing the top of her head. She was also far too comfortable to move, she had Catherine cuddled up to her side and she was not giving that up any time soon. There conversation had gotten heavy and they had both cried a lot so this chance to just lay on the couch with Catherine in her arms was amazing.

Turning her head a little Catherine ran her lips over Sara's throat kissing where it met shoulder.

"Good because I'm too happy and content to do too much right now."

"What counts as too much?" Sara asked seductively running her fingers through Catherine hair and pulling her up so she could kiss her lips.

"Well for a start right now your clothes are too much." Catherine gasped as she pulled her lips away from Sara's.

"Why Miss Willows are you trying to seduce me" Sara purred as Catherine straddled her hips.

"If you need to ask then I'm not doing it right."

"Baby you don't even have to try." Sara assured the blond moving her hair off of her neck so she could nip the satin soft skin.

"I've missed your touches." Catherine sighed.

"I've missed touching you." Sara reassured her working her way up till she pulled one of Catherine lobes in to her mouth.

"God baby!" Catherine groaned grinding her hips in to Sara needing a little more friction. Sara's lips were driving her crazy and as much as she wanted to let Sara set the pace she was very close to ripping Sara's clothes off and taking her right there.

"You need something baby." Sara smiled.

"You." Catherine growled mashing their lips together. "So bad." She panted after a moment of trying to regulate her breathing.

Flipping them both over so that Catherine was laying on her back on the sofa and she was on top Sara rested on her elbows making sure she wasn't crushing Catherine.

"I'm not crushing anyone am I?" Sara questioned gazing down in to the adoring blue eyes of the woman who owned her heart.

"No." Catherine was quick to quell her fears before once again crushing their lips together running her fingers through Sara's hair massaging her scalp.

The feel of Catherine's fingers on her scalp sent Sara weak and it took all she had to stay on her elbows. Deciding that she didn't want to take any chances she rolled them once more till they were both on their sides Catherine safely between her body and the back of the sofa.

"Too many clothes." Catherine muttered into Sara's neck tugging her shirt out of her pants. "Far too many."

Sara threw her head back and hissed in pleasure as warm fingers glided over the sensitive skin of her stomach and travelled up wards till they ran over the under side of her breast.

"Cath?" Sara stilled the hand that was making short work of turning her on. For whatever reason she couldn't turn her brain off and she needed to know that they were on the same page. "Look at me baby."

"Why?" Catherine pouted, she had been more than happy to be touching Sara.

"Because I don't want to take two steps back baby I want you but I don't want to fuck this up."

"We can't fuck this up by loving each other can we?"

"I feel like we could fuck this up just for the fun of it."

When Catherine frowned Sara elaborated. "I love you and you and Lindsey saved my life just by being in it. I didn't even know I was looking for the two of you when I came to Vegas but it turns out I was. All the very best things in my life go away so far away, I'm not sure I could take really losing you and Lind's so if that means we have to take this really slow then so be it."

"Baby did you ever think that we are the exception to your little rule. I had no clue that you were the answer to all my prayers when you first came here. You are though and I love you so much but I'm going nowhere now and if I can help it not ever."

"I was a shit when I first got here wasn't I?"

"Yeah, but I was a bitch to you but I really liked you even then." Catherine told her with a shy smile.

"You really can love the worst of me." Sara smiled kissing her gently.

"Eyeballs to entrails."

**OO**

"I think if we are going to make a real go of us again we need to talk to Lind's about everything." Catherine announced over dinner.

Sara paused, fork hovering in mid air as she contemplated Catherine's statement. For a moment she couldn't decided which part of it she found more disturbing the thought of talking to Lindsey was a tough one, the young girl was fiery when she wanted to be. _'Just like her mother.' _Sara smiled to herself. How would she take the news that she was going to have a baby brother or sister?

The other thing that had struck her was the 'IF',

"Sara."

Catherine was a little worried that Sara had forgotten how to breathe.

"Sorry."

Sara smiled apologetically. "I kind of zoned out there for a moment."

"You scared me there for a while."

"Well you threw me there, throwing IF in like that." Catherine looked puzzled but Sara ploughed on. "If we're going to make a go of this. Cath I see no other way forward and I thought you felt the same."

"I don't want you feeling like you've been backed in to a corner I love you and I want you to be a part of all of this but I won't force you."

"I'm sorry but does it feel like you have had to force me in to anything."

"No but…"

"No buts Cath I'm here I want to be her and I think you're the one who needs to get used to that not the other way around."

"Ok so I might have to adjust a little." Catherine relented with a smile. "We still need to talk to Lind's though she needs to know what's going on from us before she finds out on her own and that would break her heart."

"How do you think she will take it?" Sara asked abandoning her meal pushing the plate from her.

"I really don't know." Catherine confessed ringing her hands together.

Sara could tell that she was really worried about the young woman's reaction. Slipping from her chair Sara knelt in front of Catherine.

"No matter what she says we are in this together and I will be there next to you the whole time and we will take no matter what she says together."

"I like the sound of that." Catherine smiled. "Us together."

**OO**

"You both must be very frustrated." Grissum sighed handing the file he had been reading back to Catherine for the moment not noticing Sara's lack of concentration.

Catherine had noticed Sara's it and had a fair idea of what was going on in her girlfriends head. She had to hide the small smile this wasn't the moment but she couldn't help thinking how amazing it was to be able to say that Sara was her girlfriend once again after everything that she had put the couple through. Shaking the thought for now Catherine reached over and gently ran her hand over Sara's arm. Sara lost in her own head was the last thing they needed right now.

The photo's on the board behind Grissum was standing were holding Sara's attention and Catherine could only guess that it was no longer the faces of the victims Sara was seeing.

"Sara." Grissum called his young CSI he too had noticed that he had lost her attention.

Sara couldn't quite pull her full attention away from the horrific pictures that were associated with the case they were working. Pictures of victims totally unconnected to her suddenly had Catherine's face, missing foetuses were their child and it chilled Sara to the bone. This thing she was sure wanted Catherine and Sara was almost overwhelmed by the thoughts of anything hurting her.

Sara realised though that unlike all the bad things that had happened to her and her brother growing up she was not helpless and woefully inadequate at defending herself and the people she loved. If this thing wanted Catherine then it was going to have to go through her_. 'Or be me.'_ The little voice inside Sara reminded her. She could not shake the picture of herself hovering menacingly over Catherine out of her mind. It was her worst fear in the flesh that she herself could be the biggest danger to the woman she loved.

"I know you're still looking for that missing piece but I think till you get some fresh evidence this case has hit a brick wall."

Grissum's words shook Sara from her thoughts but she didn't have the heart to even pretend to be upset that this case was being put on the back burners. In truth it would make it easier for her and the others to do what needed to be done if this was a cold case.

Expecting Sara's protests Grissum was more than a little shocked when Sara just sighed and shrugged.

"If that's what you think is for the best." Sara told him honestly. "I'll write up my notes and have them all for you as soon as I can." Sara paused for a moment before adding "As long as Catherine is in agreement."

"I think it's for the best." Catherine nodded not quite able to keep her concern for Sara out of her eyes.

Reaching out Sara entwined her fingers with Catherine on the hand that was still on her arm. Trying to push down some of the Darkness she could feel rising she sent Catherine what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

"Well ok." Grissum looked puzzled to say the least but while they were both agreeing and not fighting him on this he wasn't going to rock the boat. "Well if you can get the files to me as soon as possible it would be great." He told them fleeing the room before they changed their minds.

**OO **

"Talk to me."

Catherine thought her plea had fallen on death ears till troubled brown eyes finally met her concerned blue orbs.

"Baby you're scaring me." She added after another moment of silence.

"Sorry." Sara sighed pulling Catherine's hand into her own. "That's not my plan. I just … I mean I saw those pictures this time and knowing that that thing is still out there," Sara paused and Catherine continued.

"You stopped seeing victims and you started seeing me you let that dark imagination of yours run wild and you let it take you to the place where you _'Fail!'_ and you don't keep me safe." When Sara didn't answer couldn't even look up Catherine slipped her hands out of Sara's grip and placed them on either side of the brunettes face turning her head till their eyes met. Catherine needed to know that Sara was really listening.

"Sara when will you stop thinking like everything bad that happens to me is your fault?."

"Sometime around when I die." Sara admitted after a moment. "Can't help it Cath I love you and I will keep you safe till I'm gasping my last. It was what I was made for and I know that now everything I have done and I have learnt brought me here and I won't back down and I won't fail."

"You won't fail because there is nothing to fail at Sara you are a CSI and we're going to have a baby." Catherine told her forcefully, blue eyes flaring with the passion of the moment. Holding Sara a little tighter she made sure she was listening to every word she said. "I need you now more than ever Sar'. I need you to stop thinking like a soldier and start thinking like my partner."

Sara pulled away from Catherine running her fingers through her hair. She knew what Catherine was saying and she knew that it was true. She also knew that all the things she had seen and done since meeting Buffy meant that she couldn't treat this like someone else would Catherine was in danger and she was able to do something about it.

"You have to remember the person you chose to spend your life with is or once was a 'Soldier' as you put it. That is something that I don't even think I would change if I could I like to be able to protect you."

"I don't want you to protect me." Catherine fired back. "I want you to hold my hair when I'm sick and tell me I'm doing ok. I want you to tell me I still look good when I don't believe I do. I want you to build a crib and fight with me over a name Sara. What I don't want to do is have to bury you I don't want to have to tell Lind's that you're gone and see the same the look in her eye I saw when she found out that Eddie had died. I don't want to have to show our baby photo's of you I want to grow old with you." Catherine exhaled sharply she was losing her temper and she didn't want that. She wasn't angry with Sara as such and she knew she was never going to change the way Sara thought, she just needed the stubborn brunette to understand what she needed from her right now. "I'm pregnant and right now for the most part that scares me more than any monster out there. Sar', Am I too old? Will our baby be ok? What will Lind's say when she finds out? The thought of doing it alone because you decided that you didn't want us scared me for a while but it has nothing on the thought that you could just be dead. The first time Faith was here when we were just starting to find our feet together I asked you if you would be safe do you remember what you said to me?"

"Some thing like I couldn't say yes because I didn't want to lie to you, and that all I could say though was I had never gone out looking for trouble and I had a bit more of an incentive now, not to chase trouble."

"So what changed when did we become not enough to keep yourself safe for? When did what you want become more important than what we need? It feels like as long as you get what you want right now nothing else matters."

"How can you say that? You, Lind's and our baby are all that matter nothing about my statement back then has changed I didn't go looking for this I didn't ask Buffy and Willow to turn up but they are here and they need me and yeah if helping my friends means I get a shot at keeping you safe I'm going to take it."

"How much does this have to do with keeping me safe as it has to do with not letting Ashleigh down again?"

"Cath don't even think that."

"Why not tell me that there isn't a part of you that's not thinking about what happened that night and how you 'Failed' her and that in some way this isn't a chance to ease some of that guilt you still carry no matter how much you try to move on."

"But that's just it I am moving on us being here to day having this conversation means I've come a long way on that front. For so long Star was the only one that had all my heart with Faith with Fia' and with any one else who warmed my bed. When things got complicated I lost interest because it would mean giving them the energy I was saving for keeping Stars memory alive. You complicated the hell out of my life the moment I meet you and you are still complicating the hell out of it. I haven't given up though if anything I've shut down the Ashleigh Jonson memorial fund in my energy tanks so you can have it all. Not because I stopped loving her, part of me will till I die but because I realised that I'm not the person she fell in love with I'm the person you fell in love with I'm the person every fight every smile every laugh and every kiss I share with you has made me and I can't go back.

Maybe if I didn't fail Star maybe the Mayor would have still ascended and he would have still killed a lot of people that night and I still wouldn't have saved star I just don't know but I do know that right here right now there is a shape shifter out there with my face and while that's the case the people I love aren't safe, not just you and Lind's but Nancy, Jerry and even Az. My family is in danger because dark me could walk in and use your trust in me to kill you."

"I thought I was the only one in danger." Catherine admitted it didn't feel so good now that she thought the people she loved where in danger too.

"It wouldn't matter to me if it was just you." Sara told Catherine coming to stand in front of her once again. "But now we think that it's been killing pregnant women to feed of the foetus but we doubt that it's been sticking to just that. This thing is a killer and it's pissed with us now we know what it is and how to kill it. It's been me now and talking to some friends who have faced these things before we've learned that they can read minds of people they copy so we have to assume it can think like me now and if I was a dark me and I wanted to get my attention I'd kill you all taking the most pleasure in you of course but Nanc and Az would be high on the to do list." Sara watched the chill run through Catherine at her words and pulled her lover in to her arms.

"What are we going to do Sar' more than anything I want you safe and here with me am I selfish for that."

"No baby your going to be the mother of our child wanting me to be a part of that is normal. I want to be a part of that, I want all those things you want. I like being there for you even when your being sick it's the least I can do telling you you look good is nothing new you always do to me and you wont be gaining weight you'll be keeping our baby safe. Might cheat on any DIY though that's what we have Uncle Az for right?" Sara joked pulling Catherine tighter. "I have no plans on you having to bury me I'm not silly Buff and Will always have my back and if this is to big then we call for help we do what it takes to get the job done."

"Promise?"

"Always."

**OO**

Catherine relaxed back in to the bath Sara had run for her and let the warm water settle into place before she adjusted her position making sure she was completely comfortable. She could feel Sara's eyes rack her body even with her eyes shut and she smirked.

"You can join me you know Sar'" She purred seductively.

"I think you need to relax." Sara told her honestly kneeling at the side of the bath letting the tips of her fingers dip in to the water. "Today took a lot out of both of us."

"I didn't mean to drag all that up and upset you." Catherine apologised for what Sara thought was the hundredth time.

You had every right to tell me how you felt." Sara pointed out. Not being able to resist her naked girlfriend she let her fingers trail up Catherine's arm and skim over her collar bone. "So beautiful." Sara wasn't aware she had said it aloud till Catherine smiled. "Sorry bit off track."

"Don't apologise for loving me baby never do that."

"I will if you'll stop it to then like I said you had a right to tell me what you were feeling and how my gung-ho attitude was making you feel, We'll find a way through this where we all get what we want I know we will. I for one don't plan on missing a minute of all the things there are to come in our life."

**OO **

In a car parked in the shadows on the street outside a monster wearing Sara Sidle's face watched the light in the bathroom window from the house across the street. A monster that had gotten a taste for the face looking back at her in the mirror and wanted to keep it as long as she could a monster that decided the other owner of the face was just going to have to let it go one way or another…

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**Thanks for reading =) **


	55. Lindsey

**Sorry for the wait I'm getting down to the last few chapters now and they're annoying me x **

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"You spoil me." Catherine sighed contentedly as Sara wrapped her in a fluffy cream towel from behind as she stepped out of the bath.

"Nonsense." Sara smiled wrapping her arms around Catherine, pulling the blonds body flush to her own resting her hands on her tummy. "I just love to treat you right."

""Well spoil me or just treat me right I love the way you treat me." Catherine paused for a moment entwining her fingers with Sara's where they lay. "I know you're going to tell me to stop but when I think about how close I came to pushing you away for ever the fact that it could all still slip away makes me feel a little sick."

Sara turned Catherine in her arms till they were facing each other. There was so much she could have said in that moment but she knew Catherine she knew the way the mind of the woman in her arms worked so leaning forward gently pressing her lips to Catherine's she let her lover set the pace and when Catherine didn't protest Sara deepened the kiss tugging on her bottom lip seeking entrance to the warm recess. When entrance was granted Sara set about showing Catherine just how committed she was feeling in that moment.

"We are in this together all the way." Sara reassured her running her fingers gently over Catherine's hair. "I know I reacted so badly when you told me you were pregnant it was finding out that you had been with Mike but …"

"Sara I didn't expect you to say well done I cheated on you and I think you need to stop glossing over that." Catherine placed both her hands either side of Sara's face holding her still so she could look into her eyes. They had had a conversation about this but Catherine couldn't shake the feeling that Sara was trying to move things along because she was scared that there was a demon about to kill her. "You had every right to be upset you had every right to be angry with me I wouldn't blame you if you still were I know you told me about what happened to you but that doesn't make what I did right, not close."

"Cath I think you still feel guilty about what happened and you want me to be mad at you because you're mad at your self. I'm not any more, god I know I was, I thought I never wanted to see you again. I couldn't see how you had taken everything we were and tossed it away for a quick shag with Keppler. I have never wanted someone to hurt as badly as I wanted you to. Do you know what someone said to me though someone asked if I had stopped to think about what had brought us to that point you didn't just decide to sleep with him for the hell of it you went to him because there was something missing between us."

"Don't do that Sar' don't take the blame and make it out to be your fault I did this."

"I'm not taking the blame I'm saying that the blame is not just yours though I shut down on you after the Zamesca case and I lost myself in my head. I was so convinced you were keeping something else from me I kind of pushed you to prove my point. I know that you love me though and I know that we are better equipped than ever to get this right we've seen how wrong it can go and I for one am never letting it get that bad again."

"I really don't like that you can say you have any blame in this, I'm the cheap one."

"Don't you ever say that!" The ferocity in Sara's voice caught Catherine by surprise. "You are Catherine Willows that is not cheap that is priceless. You are the woman I have wanted since my first night in this city, you are the woman that I watched go from one bad relationship to the next because that is all you thought you deserved when all I wanted to do was show you that you are the most radiant star in this universe you burn brighter than anything else. You fucked up so maybe somewhere in there you're human but I can live with that."

"That got a bit heavy there didn't it." Catherine smiled a little trying to lift the weight that just seemed to have descended on them.

"Hey I don't mind." Sara was quick to point out. "We can go over this as many times as you need to, to believe that I mean what I say."

**OO**

"So is this the bit where you tell me that no matter how much you tried you couldn't make it work."

The defensive teen sat on the chair opposite her parents. She couldn't shake the feeling that she wasn't going to like what they had to say one little bit.

For a moment Sara couldn't think of anything but the fact that Lindsey had grown so much. There was a time when she would squeal at the site of Sara now Sara realised she was a young lady, a young lady that had been through a lot but was finally coming out of the other side. All she hoped was this would not set them all back Sara was sure that right now Catherine could use her daughters support.

"Sar and I are very much making a go of us Lind's and I hope you can be as happy for us now as you were when we first told you." Catherine told her daughter gripping Sara's hand.

"I love you guys you know that right I know your not the most conventional of parents but I never wanted any other. I just can't stand to see you hurting each other it hurts me. I can't stand to see you gloss over the cracks either." Lindsey sighed and Sara saw her girlfriend in her daughter's eyes. Shaking her head a little though she did wonder what it was with these Willows women and their need to use the word gloss.

"So if you're going to tell me that Sara's moving back then I'm not going to jump for joy."

Lindsey's word brought Sara from her musing. She was inclined to agree with Lindsey on that one though even though she and Catherine had not talked about it she had to concede it was a bit too soon all around.

"No baby." Catherine smiled at her daughter it was good she felt so comfortable with them. "But we are together now and I hope that at some point in the future we all feel comfortable enough for Sara to come home. That's not what we wanted to talk to you about though."

"What on earth can be that important that you need to sit me down and do the whole 'We have something to tell you' routine" Lindsey paused for a moment "I mean it's not like you're about to tell me Mom's pregnant." She smiled for a moment but it faltered at her mother's sharp intake of breath and Sara's comforting arm. "No way." Lindsey stood putting a little more distance between her and her parents. "I mean you can't be unless … Mom no."

"Baby please let me explain." Catherine tried standing to face her daughter.

"No." Lindsey held up her hands motioning for her to stop. "You cheated on Sara that's why she left us." She choked back tears. "That's why she left me."

**OO**

"Hey."

Sara greeted the Lindsey after a moment of watching the younger blond pace the garden.

"Hey is that all you got?" Lindsey shot back not looking up.

"What would you like me to say?" Sara asked her not fazed by the famous Willow's temper it had been a shock to the young girl's system. To tell the truth Sara had been torn, part of her had wanted to stay and comfort her distraught lover but there had been something in Lindsey's voice that had made her follow well that and the fact that Catherine had demanded Sara go check on her.

"Oh I don't know but I think my mom cheating on you calls for something bigger than hey."

"Ok then howdy there."

"SARA!" Lindsey yelled standing still to face the brunette.

"Yes."

"She's … My dad cheated on her she was so upset she thinks she could hide it from me I was young and she was trying to be so strong and he was my dad you know."

"Yeah and she's your mom and I think that's why you are pissed not because she hurt me but because she lied after everything your dad did and said she lied too." When Lindsey didn't answer Sara took a step closer and when she didn't protest Sara pulled her in to a bone crunching hug. "I know you see a lot more than we give you credit for I think we both forget how much you have grown. You saw what it was like here for a while and that wasn't all your moms fault kido, She doesn't sleep around she made a choice ok it wasn't the best but we all make the wrong choices for the wrong reasons if we all got given up on for that then what sort of world would this be."

"She's pregnant though Sar' that doesn't bother you?" Lindsey just had to know. Her mom was having someone else's baby she was a little freaked out about it she wanted to know what Sara felt.

Sara paused she wasn't sure that this was a conversation she should be or wanted to be having with her daughter. She always wanted to be honest with her though and she felt that in this situation Lindsey was as much a part of everything that was going on as she and Catherine were.

"I was really pissed at first." Sara was honest about her feelings deciding that Lindsey deserved nothing less. "But I have to admit it's the best feeling in the world ever to look at your mom and realise that we're going to have a baby. I didn't think I could think of it as anything other than the proof that your mom had cheated on me."

"You don't think that." Lindsey asked looking up at Sara for a moment the brunette was lost in blue eyes and she realised something Lindsey was asking more than if Sara could love the baby she was asking for reassurance that she herself had been truly loved all these years.

Pulling her daughter tighter Sara smiled in to her hair. "Even before I ever thought I had a chance with your mom I loved you I was never one for kids never really been in the situation to even be thinking about them. But I thought you were amazing and more than once being around you made me realise that there was nothing I wouldn't do to keep you safe and loved. I was lucky that when your mom and I got together she let me in to your life completely she trusted me to be your parent too. I hope that's how you think of us as your parents because I can assure you that we think of you as OUR daughter." Sara paused to kiss the younger girls hair as strong hands gripped her shirt. "It will be no different this time round your little brother or sister will be as loved and cherished by your mom and me as you are."

"What if it happens again?" Lindsey had to ask it all sounded so simple when Sara said it like that but could it really all just be ok.

"It will never happen again I would die first."

Brown and blue eyes were drawn to the back door where Catherine was standing hugging herself. Sara's heart broke a little at the look of pure sadness in her lover's eyes.

"I could never hurt either of you like that again." Catherine was adamant. She pushed off from the frame of the door where she had been leaning and made her way over to the embracing pair. She placed a hand on Lindsey's back and she was eternally grateful when she made no move to pull away.

Sara relinquished her hold on Lindsey letting Catherine pull her in to a hug and her heart soared when Lindsey didn't protest she just clung to her mom.

"I'm sorry sweetheart I know this has hurt you too and that is the last thing I wanted I love you and no matter what happens or who ever else comes along nothing will change that you will always be my little girl."

"I love you too mom." Lindsey mumbled in to Catherine's embrace. "I didn't mean to be so mean I just get so scared that you and Sara will end up like you and dad."

"I'm sorry that my actions remind you of Eddie." Catherine couldn't hold back the tears at the thought of causing her daughter so much pain.

"I know you're not dad." Lindsey reassured her mom "And I get a baby brother or sister that's actually going to be so cool."

"You think so." Catherine pulled away from her daughter a little to look into her eyes. "You're really ok with that."

"Yeah Lind's we know it's a lot to take in it's ok to need a moment." Sara was quick to add coming to stand closer to 'her' girls.

"Oh I might have my moments." Lindsey smiled "But the more I think about it the more I kind of like the idea."

"Lets just hope everyone will treat the situation with the maturity that you have." Catherine sighed placing a kiss on her daughter's forehead.

**OO**

"Who were you thinking about earlier when you said you hoped everyone is as mature as Lind's was?"

Sara was curled up on the sofa with Catherine wrapped safely in her arms. Lindsey had taken herself to her room and they were more than happy to give her some space.

Sara was sure that there was something going on in Catherine's mind and she wanted to get it out in the open now so she could help her sort through it before it became a problem.

"Everyone is going to have something to say. No one is going to look at me and think she's pregnant there all going to look at me and think oh she cheated on Sara."

"I'm pretty sure our friends are not going to start pointing fingers once they see how happy we are they will be happy for us."

"You really think so Sara, I think you're being a bit naive to think that everyone is just going to be happy for us."

"I wasn't saying that. I think it will take time but people will come round when they see that this is what we want."

After a moment of silence Sara spoke again. "This is what you want Cath isn't it me and the baby."

"God yes!" Catherine assured her pulling herself impossibly close to her lover's body. "It's just we're doing this, we're here and there's going to be a baby but are we happy?"

Well there it was she had put it out there the question that without even realising it had been eating away at her. Was Sara actually happy about the situation they found themselves in? God knows she was, in the moment she wasn't scared to death that was. There was a life growing inside her a life that she and Sara were going to raise together. They were going to get to all the things other couples got to do scans and parenting classes baby showers and then they would raise their child together pretty much they way they had raised Lindsey together. All in all Catherine couldn't have been happier.

"Do I dignify that with an answer?"

When Catherine didn't say a word just nodded Sara realised that she was going to have to do this. She hadn't given much thought to the fact that she was happy she just was. Trust Catherine to challenge her to put it into words. Sara decided that if she gave it much thought she would over analyse it to the point where it didn't make sense no the best thing to do was go straight for it.

"I didn't think I could be happy you are happy for me and I'd lost that I was so angry I never stopped to think." Sara paused looking at Catherine and she could tell that the blond was wondering where she was going with this. "But once I stopped being angry I realised something every time you said 'Your' baby it hurt and I realised that it was because I wanted to be a part of your life our baby's life and I didn't and then I realised that it would make me happy to hear you say that after everything that had happened it was all I wanted. Then when they insisted on a scan and our little bundle of cells was there on the screen I knew that I was happy and when I look at you and I think Catherine Willows is going to have a baby with me I'm more than happy. I know I might be a little mad we've been through so much and this isn't idle timing but I Love you Cath I really do and I can think of nothing more amazing than expanding our family so am I happy." Sara paused to make sure Catherine was looking at her. "Hell yes."

* * *

**You know what I want X**


	56. Taking Stock

Groaning Sara rolled over and regretted it immediately. There was a deep burning pain in her side and her head felt like someone was trying to carve it open. She tried opening her eyes only to slam them shut again as the pain in her head intensified.

Taking a few deeps breaths to try and fight back the rising feeling of nausea she tried to remember something anything to work out what was going on.

_Sara shut her eyes and gritted her teeth. There was just no way she see of getting through the next couple of minutes without killing something and right in that moment the prime candidate for an untimely death was the damm pillow causing all the problems. _

_Turning round a little Sara pounded her fists against the offending item that just had the audacity to mock her by falling to the ground and laying there like none of it was its fault. Reaching down for the pillow Sara pulled it to her face and let out a frustrated groan into its soft filling._

"_Keep that up and you'll be picking fluff up for days."_

_Sara jumped about a mile as Catherine's voice filtered into her pillow covered ears._

"_Cath." Sara tossed the pillow away for good following the voice to it's owner who was stood in the doorway to the kitchen._

"_Hey." Catherine smiled once Sara was standing in front of her. "What ever that pillow did did it deserve that fate?"_

"_I couldn't sleep." Sara sighed and Catherine chuckled. Trust Sara to reason that killing a pillow would help her sleep. _

"_And that was the pillows fault. Nothing to do with the fact that your trying to sleep on a couch far to small for you, or the fact that you have a million things on your mind. You do know that there is a perfectly good bed in the guest room…" Catherine let the sentence hang she really didn't need to remind Sara where else there was space for her to sleep. _

"_It's safer down here." _

_Catherine was pretty sure that Sara was only half referring to a demon attack._

"_Anyway if Nance or Lind's caught me anywhere but the sofa they would take my head off."_

"_Since when did we live for other people even ones as important as them?" Catherine wondered. "If you don't want it that's one thing but don't hide behind them."_

"_You don't think we need to take some time before I just move back in?"_

"_Sar'" Catherine sighed. "I want you to move back in when there is no threat of death hanging over us and we have had a chance to talk about what having a baby will mean to our relationship. But baby I want you upstairs in our bed when you stay here like you always did long before you moved in. If we want to get back to our best we need to stop being people we're not and I for one know that you sleeping down here is not us."_

"_I really couldn't sleep on the sofa knowing you were in our bed it was driving me nuts." Sara admitted. "I would feel safer if I was down here though if something came."_

"_Sar' if it comes, it's coming for me as you keep telling me. So where will I be safer than with you by my side?"_

_Sara really didn't need much more convincing but there was one thing she needed to do first. _

"_Just one second." Sara moved from her spot to find her earlier Nemesis the pillow scooping it up she padded past Catherine in to the kitchen and unlocking the back door she threw the pillow out and watched it hit the mud with a satisfied smirk before turning to Catherine. "Lead the way."_

As the memory faded Sara realised that she had lost consciousness for a moment, she also realised that that memory was nothing to do with why she was laying there with what felt like a whole in her head. Closing her eyes once more Sara tried to recall something more helpful.

"_Your hands are cold." Nancy moaned trying to wriggle out of Sara's embrace. _

"_Well lay still and let me warm them on you." Sara teased a little. "No really lay still." Sara begged as she nearly tumbled off of the sofa when Nancy tried to roll away. _

"_I'm going to kick your arse on the floor if you do that again." Nancy warned. _

"_Nance you are such a girl." Sara smiled. _

"_I've missed that smile." Nancy mused tracing Sara's lips with her finger. _

"_Well I haven't had a lot to smile about in the last few weeks but it's all good now." Sara assured her best friend. _

"_Just like that it's all good. I mean don't get me wrong I think you're the best thing that ever happened to my sister and I was pretty sure that she would never actually do anything to hurt you not once she got you in her life but I was wrong."_

"_She didn't set out to hurt me Nance you know she would never do that we have been through a lot as a couple and even before that. Cath knows me though she knows things about me that I have never even told Az. She has never used that to hurt me and she never will. Once upon a time someone took a chance on me and till very recently I wasn't sure I deserved that chance just maybe I did and I sure as hell know Cath does too."_

"_You really do love her don't you!" Nancy's words were a statement not a question._

"_I love her, I love her more than my life in fact Nance she is my life her Lind's and our baby."_

"_Your baby hey get you momma bear."_

Sara realised she was getting warmer she remembered her conversation with Nancy being cut short when Aaron had come to see his girlfriend. She remembered the look on his face when he had realised that they were talking about Catherine being pregnant. He had been outraged and with his words ringing in her ears she had left.

"_She's pregnant!" Aaron's lips curled in disgust as he said the words he just couldn't believe what he was hearing. _

"_Cath and I are having a baby." Sara had defended herself._

"_NO! She cheated on you, she got pregnant and she's manipulating you into picking up the pieces."_

She knew he had been upset and that hadn't been how she had wanted him to find out. But she had been hurt by his words so hurt she had fled the house with the intention of going to Catherine's, she remembered screeching tyres and she remembered pain but neither of those helped tell her where she was or what had happened.

There was something else too just out of reach in her mind, something that just wouldn't come in to focus. Cold words from behind her brought everything back to her.

"You are alive and there was me worried you were going to die before I had a chance to kill you."

Sara remembered getting into her car and she remembered another car coming out from what seemed like nowhere to plough into the side of her. More than anything she remembered her surprise at seeing her own eyes looking back at her as she had been hauled from the wreck.

**OO**

"Breathe." Nancy encouraged her sister to take some deep breaths as she tried to get her breathing back under control. "Sara will kill me when she gets here if anything happens to you and the baby." Nancy hoped her smile was more reassuring than she felt. It had to be because there was a black whole of despair sucking hope from her and there was no way that she could let Catherine see that, no way. Her sister had gone to pieces since she had seen the wreck outside and realised that Sara wasn't there.

"Breathe!" Catherine choked out between sobs. "She's gone Nance, gone." Catherine broke down again clinging to her sister for dear life. "How can you expect me to calm down knowing Sara is out there somewhere probably hurt?"

"I want you to calm down because you are 9 weeks pregnant and too much stress right now is going to do you and baby no good and Sara will need you to be the strong one for a while when we find her." Nancy gently stroked her sister's hair. Her own heart was in her mouth but she needed Catherine to calm down a little.

"Yeah last thing we would want is anything happening to Keppler Jr."

As she felt Catherine tense under her touch Nancy realised she also didn't need a pissed off Aaron Sidle making things worse. She had to smile a little though Sara and Aaron were so a like. They both said things they could regret when they were upset.

"Aaron," Nancy's voice was a warning. Having Sara missing because she had fought with Aaron was enough for one night.

"What?" He huffed throwing his hands up in the air.

"You upset Sara with you comments so before you do anymore damage shut the hell up and calm down." Nancy warned him stepping away from her sister to stand in front of her boyfriend.

"I'll leave you two to talk." Catherine stood heading for the door before Nancy's words stopped her in her tracks.

"You can't go out there hun." Nancy tried to keep her voice calm.

"No I can't." Catherine sighed resting her head against the door. Out side was a car wreck Sara's Tahoe was laying on its roof with a dent the size the Grand Canyon in the side. Outside was blood pools and crime tape and the rest of the team, outside was Sara missing and no one having any idea what could have happened. Out side was a living waking nightmare.

"I'll be out back."

**OO**

Catherine made it no further than the kitchen before her legs turned to jelly and she sank in to the nearest chair. Hot tears streaked down her cheeks faster than her hands ever had a chance of drying them and she gave up her feeble attempts and let them fall.

Sitting there alone she wished she could go back a few hours maybe if she had come to Nancy's with Sara things would have turned out differently may be just maybe Sara would be with them now. She looked around her sister's kitchen wishing she was in her own as memories of the last time she had been with Sara came flooding back.

_Watching from the doorway Catherine wrapped her arms around her self as she watched the scene in front of her. She had heard her daughter moving around as she had lain in bed trying to hold on to the last remnants of sleep. It had eluded her though and hearing Lindsey descend she had decided to join her daughter and hopefully find her lover. Something about the way Lindsey was holding herself made her hold back her daughter looked sad and something told her she had sought the brunette out for a reason. _

"_Where's mom." Lindsey asked coming to stand next to Sara who had found herself by the sink. Snagging a glass out of the cupboard by the sink Lindsey ran herself some water as she waited for an answer. _

"_She's sleeping." Sara told her placing a hand on her arm. _

_Sometimes even after all that time it still amazed Catherine just how Sara was so in tuned with their daughter. _

"_Is she ok?" Concerned blue eyes flicked between Sara and the room's other occupants. For the first time Catherine realised that Buffy and Willow were there and she wondered what they had been talking about before the interruption. _

"_Yeah we were talking last night so she's tired and we both have to work tonight." Sara pointed out and Catherine noticed her shift uncomfortably she guessed it was not a conversation Sara wanted to be having with the rooms other two occupants looking on intently while all the time trying not to look like they were paying any attention._

"_Is she mad at me for what I said?" _

_Catherine felt the tears sting at her eyes hearing her daughter's words. By the look in her face she guessed the uncertainty in Lindsey's voice broke Sara's heart too. _

"_Baby she has never been mad at you she's mad with herself for hurting us but we're working on that."_

"_Are you mad at me?" Lindsey asked this time not able to meet Sara's eyes. _

_Sara motioned with her head for Buffy and Willow to give them some space and Catherine put her finger to her lips as the two women caught sight of her. The last thing she wanted was to be busted for spying on this tender moment. _

_Sara placed two fingers under Lindsey's chin tilting her head till Lindsey was looking into her eyes. _

"_Baby girl I could never be mad at you for telling me how you feel. You can't help the way you feel I'm not mad at you and nor is your mom and if you don't believe me go ask her."_

"_She's sleeping." Lindsey pointed out and Catherine was sure her daughter was using stalling tactics and decided it was time she laid her fears to rest. _

"_Who's sleeping?" A yawning Catherine asked padding into the kitchen deciding not to let them know she had been there a while. "And why are Buffy and Willow sat in there looking far too sheepish to be up to any good." Catherine enquired padding over to her girls kissing them both on the head. "What's going on?" She asked giving them the chance to decide if they wanted to have this conversation or not. If they said nothing Catherine decided she wouldn't push, not yet anyway. _

"_Us?" Sara paused to look between mother and daughter. "We were just talking about." Sara paused again as Lindsey shook her head. "You." Sara finished and Catherine was glad that it seemed Sara wanted to keep everything out in the open there had been enough secrets to last them all a life time._

"_Me?" _

"_Lind's is convinced that you're mad at her."_

"_What for?" Catherine pulled her daughter in to her arms. _

"_I didn't react well when you told me."_

"_Baby I didn't expect you to. It's a big deal for you too. But I'm not mad I could never be mad for you telling me how you feel."_

"_That's what Sara said." Lindsey pointed out._

"_We read the same parenting guide." Sara joked. _

"_Great my parents are making it up as they go along." Lindsey sighed. _

Catherine lost control as she remembered Sara saying goodbye just a few hours ago.

'_I love you both.' Sara had smiled kissing Catherine's as she headed out with Buffy and Willow. 'I'm going to stop in at Nancy's when I'm done then Ms Willows you are all mine.'_

**OO**

"Don't except me to say sorry." Aaron told Nancy turning away from her to watch the commotion outside through the window.

"I expect you to respect my sister in my house." Nancy told him using all her strength to turn him around.

"Really? That woman in there nearly destroyed my sister."

"_My_ sister made a mistake that has hurt her nearly as much as anyone else and you know what I still love her and I know for a fact that Sara possibly loves her more now than she ever has. If you think for one second I'm going to stand by and watch you bully her buster then you are very much mistaken."

"You didn't really think that I would just be ok with everything?"

"I thought you might actually listen I thought the man I loved was a little more mature than you're acting."

"Man you love hey?" Aaron smiled his anger melting a little it was the first time Nancy had told him that. He'd said it once but she had seemed reluctant so he hadn't pushed but to hear the words in that moment made it special.

"Yes dummy I love you but I love my sister and Sara just as much and I will not let you hurt them with your macho brother routine."

"It's not a routine it's who I am. I let her down so much when we were kids god knows the things that happened because I was to scared to step up I not that kid though and I will never let her get hurt like that again."

"One night about six months ago Sara was staying over and she had one hell of a nightmare which scared me and once she was calm she talked to me about it. I know I only got the cliff note version but I think I can safely say from what she told me you were her hero growing up baby." Nancy told him closing the gap placing a gentle hand on his cheek.

"Some hero I am I always seem to get it wrong isn't that what you've just been telling me."

"You need to think before you open your mouth sometimes but then again you and Sara have something in common there."

**OO**

Sara took a mental check of her injuries trying to work out if she had to could she defend herself. She never took her eyes of the Faux her that was watching her so intently and realised that she wasn't in as bad shape as she had first feared. The pain in her head had not wavered and she was sure she had a concussion but the pain in her side had given way to a dull burning and she was sure nothing was broken.

After analysing her condition Sara took a moment to take in her surroundings from the damp concrete floor and walls, the musty smell and the faint sound of running water Sara guessed she was somewhere under the city in the miles and miles of storm drains.

"_Great." _She thought to herself if she did manage to overpower the crazed demon and find her way out of the maze of drainage then she could well find her self in the middle of nowhere.

"Weighing up your options?" Faux Sara sneered coming closer to her. "Like a good little hunter."

"Well I do have to find my way out of this, kill the monster and save the girl." Sara smiled sometimes she wondered how even when she was down and out she could still run her mouth.

"Monster!" Faux Sara laughed "You call me a monster after how many things you must have killed?"

"Yeah monster only a monster could cut open a pregnant woman and …and …" Sara couldn't even bring herself to finish the sentence. "And I will give my last breath to make sure you get nowhere near Catherine."

"You really think that I want to hurt her."

"Well you sure gave that impression."

"Maybe at first but then I tasted her lips and saw her through your eyes, she is exquisite."

Sara had to admit she was as scared for Catherine now as she had ever been. That thing could get as close to Catherine as it wanted while it looked like her and it could do anything it wanted. Sara realised because there was nothing Catherine wouldn't do for Sara.

"I do plan on killing you and having her all to myself. For now though I need your mind at least."

The last thing Sara thought as darkness over took her was she would do what ever it took to make sure this thing never got near Catherine.

* * *

**Thanks for reading.**

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